why did i scan this

I Thought You Loved Me

“I thought you loved me.”

Blinking away the tears that formed in my eyes, I continued to take down the photos scattered across my wall. Every single one was another stab at my heart, seeing our happy faces smiling at me. The final words I had spoken to him ringing through my head.

Placing yet another photo into the box on my bed, I take a breath and turn back to the wall, scanning the photos for any more that contained the two of us, reminders of him.

Plucking one more from the wall, I study it, trying to see if this was before or after the change, seeing if we still loved each other in this photo.

“We both seem happy…” I mumble to myself, before placing it on top of the small pile that had grown in the box. “Why did it change…” My eyes scan the various items I had also placed in the box, ignoring the stabbing sensation as each item brings back a certain memory.

“I did. But I don’t any more.”

His words still hit me as hard as they did the first time, the echo feeling as real as if he was right in front of me. The tears finally spilled over and onto my cheeks, the memories of our final night flooding into my mind.

“I….I found someone else. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“Someone else?” I couldn’t believe I was hearing this, we loved each other.

“Yeah,” He took a breath, running his hand through his hair. “Uhm, we met when I was on tour. We ended up talking and just hit it off. I didn’t plan it.” He wouldn’t even meet my eyes, I apparently didn’t deserve that.

“Have you,” I clear my throat, trying to get my voice under control. “Have you been seeing her behind my back?” Part of me wanted him to say yes, so I could scream at him, get angry and hit him. But then another part of me, that part wanted him to say no, because I still wanted him to be the same man I fell in love with.

“We’ve been hanging out. And…fuck.” He stops, shifting on his feet in front of me. “We’ve kissed a couple times, but nothing more. I wouldn’t..I wanted to…Y/N, I’m sorry.”

“You’re SORRY, Joe? You just told me you found someone else, and all you can say is your SORRY?” I wasn’t even that mad, I kind of felt like this was coming for a while. We just hadn’t been, us, recently. But I didn’t think he was with someone else.

“I thought you loved me.” Is all I can get out, just wanting to curl up in bed and go to sleep, pretend this is just a dream.

“I did. But I don’t any more.”

With those words, I turn and walk out. That was the last time we saw each other.

“Y/N?” I turn and look at the doorway, seeing Caspar standing there. “You ready to go?”

“Honestly?” I ask, looking around the bedroom Joe and I had shared for the past few years. “I don’t think so. But it’s time.” I put the lid on the box, and go to lift it up, but something stops me. “Caspar…”

I don’t have to say anything else, he walks into the room and grabs it for me, holding it under one arm, he puts his other over my shoulder.

“Come on, I think we need some pizza.”

Caspar directs me out of the bedroom, and we walk the familiar path through the apartment towards the front door. Our footsteps echo through the room, all the happy memories are swirling through my head, mixing in with the sad ones, the angry ones, the boring ones. But I keep putting one foot in front of the other, heading for the front door.

Once outside, I stop, taking a deep breath.

“I’ll be in the car.” I hear Caspar say, before he leaves me alone in front of the door.

I turn and face it, holding the key in my hand. I still remember the first time I unlocked the door, and now I’m locking the door, for the last time. Once I hear the all to familiar click, I slowly pull the key out, looking at it. More tears fall down my cheeks as I open the mail slot, and hold the key at the opening. With one last, shaky breath, I drop it in, hearing the clink as it hits the floor on the other side.

Turning around, I walk down the steps, away from the past few years of my life.

“I thought you loved me.”

The words already seem faint as I walk towards the car. I know it will take a while before they fade completely, but for now, its good enough.

My Photo Op request. “Steal my dog.” This was not a stretch given that he pointed at the dog the moment I came through the curtain. I took it to get signed and it slid down to him, earning laughter and an exclaimed “Yessssss!!! I’m so glad this photo exists in the world.” End of game? Once again Lucky the Pizza Dog steals the show… (A better version to follow when I can scan it.) Why yes I did have it signed to Clint. Shhhhhhh.