why did i even find this funny

“My father left us when I was two. The last time I saw him was my fifth grade graduation. I do know he’s alive because I found him on Facebook. Apparently he drinks a lot and goes to left wing protests. I’m not bothered by it. I think it’s funny. Sometimes I hope he comes looking for me just so I can turn him away. I did find an old journal recently from my childhood. It had The Powerpuff Girls on the cover. Inside were some pages where I had been practicing cursive, and I had written things like: ‘Why don’t you call me?’ and ‘Why don’t you like me?’ So it clearly bothered me then. Even though I don’t care now, maybe it’s impacted me in a way that I’ve yet to discover.”

(São Paulo, Brazil)

My Parents Going Through My Tumblr
  • Dad: Why do you post about us?
  • Me: People find you guys funny.
  • Dad: Funnier than you so I get it.
  • Me: Dad.
  • Mom: You should watch your language.
  • Me: My language? I was quoting you!
  • Mom: That's no excuse.
  • Me: Y'all make no sense.
  • Dad: What's a...Jamilton? Is that one of those ships you talk about?
  • Me: Yes. Jefferson and Hamilton.
  • Mom: Ah yes. They have more sexual tension than you and that 'friend' of yours.
  • Me: Mom oh my God.
  • Dad: Is Lams another one?
  • Me: Yes. Laurens and Hamilton.
  • Mom: Well he did shoot someone for Alexander. Even I wouldn't do that for your father.
  • Dad: Yeah she - wait, what?
  • Mom: Oh look people can comment of these posts of yours!
  • Dad: No no let's get back to the previous -
  • Mom: Would you look at that - we're more popular than you AJ.
  • Dad: HA!
  • Me: Oh my God...
  • Me: I mean no one believes y'all said it so.
  • Dad: Well...
  • Dad: That's rude...
  • Mom: You're rude.
  • Dad: The hell woman?
[translations] 2017.09.13 NCT Dream We Young fansign at Pyeongchon

Seating arrangement: Haechan Chenle Jeno Mark Renjun Jisung [Falling_214]

1. Renjun says that there’s a lot of mosquitoes recently due to the changing weather, and the mosquitoes are really smart as they survive using their abilities. Jeno and Renjun click the best when they are catching mosquitoes. Their room has an average of 4 mosquitoes, and Jeno is really great at catching them hhh. When Renjun and Jeno are sleeping they will be woken up by the sound of mosquitoes, they go “YA!, turn the lights on” catch it, off the light, when another mosquito comes again, they will go like “YA! Turn the lights on” & the cycle repeats kkkkkkkkkk [byyourside_mk | qoop423]
Jeno says that he learned a self introduction in Chinese from Chenle too,”Xiao Mi Mi de Jeno” (trans: smiling Jeno) [qoop423]

2. OP: Hello! Haechan have you ever thought of getting a tattoo?
Haechan: Tattoo? Yes
OP: Which part of your body?
Haechan: If I do it.. Neck!
OP: Neck?! And also what did Haechan sing at your first audition?
Haechan: SHINee’s Sherlock and Justin Bieber’s Baby
OP: Can I request for you to sing a little of it?
Haechan: *sang a bit until ‘No I’m Like’ & Chenle started singing along too* (audio)
OP: Thank you! [990802mklee]

3. OP asked the members to draw each other’s photocard: Mark - Haechan, Chenle - Jisung, Renjun - Jeno.
Haechan was the first to draw, so using Haechan as example the remaining members drew passionately… *Chenle wrote Pabo Jisung on Jisung’s card* [yochi_0v0]

4. OP asked Jisung if he is the hyung, who would he want as his little brother? Jisung,”Haechan!!♡” [jjinee68]

5. OP: Jisung mentioned you would write fictional novels, do you have main characters?
Jisung: Main character? It’s up to my thoughts for that day
OP: Ah, it’s random?
Jisung: Yes! It’s like that! Wah, I didn’t expect to be asked this..
OP: So if you wrote it today, what would be the name of the main character?
Jisung: Um… Chansang? [ilove_marklee]

6. OP: Ah, do you happen to know DAY6′s You Were Beautiful?
Haechan: Ah, yes
OP: Erm.. Could you sing that once for us next time?
Haechan: haha I got it
OP: Sure! Promise!
Haechan: Promise
OP: See you next time
Haechan: Thank you. [LuvforMK]

7. Jisung’s NCT DREAM visual ranking:
1st Jisung

7th Chenle [990802mklee]

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Hi, I’d like to file a complaint

Hi, hello, I’d like to file a complaint, please? Four, actually. I found some problems with how Volume 4 treated a Miss Ruby Rose and I’d like it to be brought to your attention.

Keep reading

So I haven't read the books...

…but from what I have gathered from the discourse, there is quite the difference between book characters and show characters? 

This is based on what I’ve read of book characters and what I’ve seen on the show:

Book Stannis: Actually a good king, loved Shireen and wanted her on the throne after him, didn’t seem like a religious fanatic. 

Show Stannis: iron throne is mine, do whatever Mel, kill innocent people, give birth to my demon murder baby, heck burn my only daughter Mel why the fuck not

Book Mel: Her morality is kind of a grey area? She’s not a heartless murderer but will make sacrifices for the “greater good”

Show Mel: here ya go boobs omg Jon touch my boobs also lets burn Shireen umm have I mentioned I have boobs also I’m secretly super old here ya go saggy boobs

Book Dany: Did not act like her father’s daughter? Also not 100% fireproof? 

Show Dany: iron throne is mine okay so bend the knee why isn’t everyone here bending the knee when i tell them I am fireproof okay and did you look at my dragons wait what was I talking about? oh yeah I can’t have children

Book Jon: Capable of making smart decisions, funny at times, will do his duty even if it makes him the bad guy, actually cared about his siblings being alive

Show Jon: *pouts* i saw the dead okay *pouts more* they are real okay I saw them why won’t anyone believe me *pouting intensifies* what do you mean I have really kissable lips

Book Jaime: Pushes Bran out the window and then begins an interesting redemption arc and you strangely find yourself rooting for him, might even be the PTWP

Show Jaime: is so unbelievably daft at times even Nikolaj is like, I don’t know him.

Book Petyr: Cunning- keeps his cards so close to himself no one knows what his goal is or that he is even playing the game

Show Petyr: i love Sansa i want Sansa have i mentioned yet that my end goal is sitting with Sansa on the iron throne? also raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally victimized just by my creepy grin.

Book Arya: Loves her family, misses them all, would hurt those who hurt them

Show Arya: ooh Sansa I bet you felt nice in all your pretty dresses now how about we play a game where I cut your face and wear it lol missed our fun games sis

When my roommate was Taken and Replaced, there were a lot of things I was prepared for (things like sleeping with iron on, keeping salt under my pillow, constantly being on guard, and never taking food from her), but explaining memes to her was not one.

I was in our room studying, just trying to cram for one of the classes we have an excess of tests in, when Not Vex looked right at me and asked, “Why are so many people talking about the friends we made along the way? It doesn’t even make any sense. Today at lunch, Binks said ‘maybe the real final exam was the friends we made along the way’ while we were studying. It just-it makes no sense.”

It took me longer than was probably polite to answer, because how the hell are you supposed to answer when one of Them asks why a meme exists? I did have to answer eventually, though.

“It’s called a meme. It’s things that start on the internet that people find funny, and they usually don’t make sense, and they start getting used in different ways. The one you were talking about started to make fun of something that’s in a lot of movies, where they search for treasure or a prize or something and don’t find it, and someone says something about the real prize being the friends they made along the way. People love making fun of overdone tropes, so it got really big and now people use it in a lot of ways and some of them make no sense, like the one Binks used,” I told Not Vex, hoping my explanation was enough and I could get back to my studying.

She seemed satisfied, and I thought that was the end of it.

If only I could be so lucky.

Now, anytime there’s a new one, she’ll make it a point to tap me on the shoulder and ask “Is that one of those meme things you told me about?”

Vex was never very quiet, and Not Vex isn’t either. Now everyone knows I am on good enough terms with Them to talk to my Gentry roommate about memes and I have no idea what to do with that kind of power.


Google made me proud today.

A little while ago, I was on a mission to show a friend of mine the best doggo in the world, Chica. I began to type ‘mark fischbach chica’ and as Google tried to read my mind, as it always does, I froze and tears welled in my eyes.

‘mark fischbach changing the world’ now at this moment I was mid sentence on Skype so my friend started to panic slightly because of my sudden pause. When I finally found my voice again I explained what had caught me off guard. To which my friend replied, “Why did that hit you so hard? The guy does charity work right?”

Years of watching Mark, all the skits, all the let’s plays, all the goofy stuff that falls in the mix as well, even if I didn’t necessarily like the video or find it particularly funny I always watched from beginning to end to show my support for his channel. Not because I was staring at his face [though he his a looker], not because of being his biggest fan [though I’m probably up there], not even just to have background noise [I like to actually watch the videos]. I would watch them in their entirety because maybe the money made from that time watching that particular video would enable him to do his next big event that would save people’s live by giving them the hope they had lost, fund another charity so its research could go on and maybe even find a cure, all of that and more.

Today I watched his PAX East panel, not in person sadly but live on twitch. At the end when it appeared he was going to break down and cry [all while I’m pointing and screaming at my TV for him not to cry over and over again because though I know he’s crying because his heart is full of joy and pride, it makes me tear up too, dang you Mark] His ending remarks both filled me with happiness and sadness.

Mind you now in the Skype call, showing pictures of Chica has fallen to the back burner [sorry Chica-bica] and I had began rambling about all the different charities Mark has helped raise awareness and money for, how his channel has become this massive community full of love and kindness and were only able to what it is today because no matter what video you click on of Marks, be it his oldest videos or one he posted a few hours ago, behind those dick jokes, infectious laugh, screams, two-finger defense strategies, and everything else; he’s still just a man who wants to change the world.

My exact words before the Skype call was ended with my friend saying I’m gonna go check out this guys videos [got you a new subscriber Mark! Woo!] were, “I froze when I saw that come up on the auto-complete search results because it’s amazing. I froze and damn near started crying my ****in eyes out because this man who one a daily basis calls himself a goof and acts exactly like a goof, is changing the world. Whether it’s meeting a sick child who is a fan of his videos, doing a live stream, going out and meeting his fans and doing skits that include them, answering questions at conventions, or just making people like me be able to smile from the comfort of my home and give me the strength to fight impulses that would be damaging. He preaches over and over again that to him we’re the heroes, hell he put it on the sleeves on his charity shirts, he’s too humble to admit that he is the hero or that he’s made his friends: Bob, Wade, Jack, Ethan, Tyler, etc. heroes as well for pushing for the goals with him and all coming up together with new and amazing ways to both entertain and improve the day to day life of everyone who will watch and listen.” 

I sat here for a few minutes minutes, got my screen cap cut down to size, made sure it wasn’t too illegible. As I began to type my post, my Skype rang, it was my same fiend from before. I imagine the time lapse between end of call to now beginning of new call was maybe a total of two hours give or take.

I answer and all I hear are tears. I am instantly in [who do I need to kill] mode. After they calm down they explain they just searched for emotional play through’s. My mind immediately goes to ‘Presentable Liberty’, ‘That Dragon Cancer’, ‘Anxiety Attack’, among many others I could think of that could be labeled emotional. 

After an awkward silence they asked, “What possessed this man, who has known such great tragedy and loss in his life to do everything he does for others.” I smiled, we were on video chat so they saw and then looked at me with confusion. “The answer to that one is easy, I think he’d agree. He’s seen difficulty, just like all of us, and THAT is why he continues to do it. He strives to make the burdens of this world less heavy on our shoulders, he raises money so that the sick can be mended and go home and play with their friends, he makes personal vlogs looking into each and every one of his fan’s eyes, tears brimming with whatever emotion he’s conveying so we all know he is there for us, he is proud of us, and he will never stop working to change the world.”

My friend nodded at me then told me they were gonna go rest on it, maybe watch a few more videos before laying down. I just made a terrible joke about FNAF [I will spare you the joke, trust me, it was bad] then the Skype call ended once more. 

Now I’m left here with these thoughts in my head. Earlier I mentioned the PAX East stream, one of the things Mark said before leaving the stage was, “When we’re gone, you’re next.” Now this turned into jokes being made and all that because that’s what Mark and his friends do, they cut up and have a good time. It was the way he said it that stuck with me. Like he’s prepping all of us to take this bright, burning torch when he decides to step away from youtube as a career and that brings him almost to a blubbering mess because of all we’ve shown him we can do so far, I think he believes that whenever that time is. Whether it be a year from now, two years from now, or more; he knows that the community that he never dreamed he would have and be part of will continue to do what we do best, because we learned it from the one and only Markiplier.

Change the world.

I cried while reading some of the 2015 Jughead comics because it felt like watching my own experiences drawn out on a page in front of me. 

Not understanding why everyone is so obsessed with dating

Being hurt when someone (albeit unintentionally) claims that being interested in sex and romance just makes them “normal”

Putting time and effort into getting to know someone because they’re neat and you want to be friends only to find out SHIT THEY THINK I WANT TO DATE THEM DID I LEAD THEM ON DID I GIVE THEM THE WRONG IDEA HAVE I RUINED MY CHANCES AT MAKING A NEW FRIEND WHAT DO I DO?

I fucking cried while reading this fucking comic because - even if he was fictional - this funny, likable, relatable guy, who daydreams and loves food and is perfectly happy going about his life without romance - he gets it. Finally someone who fucking gets it. 

Weird Noises, Weirder Feelings (Eddie/Richie)

Summary: Eddie makes funny noises when he’s tickled, which is one of many reasons Richie loves tickling him. (Prompt from anon! I’m too obsessed with this movie. Hope you enjoy! x) 

Obviously he only did it because it was funny. There was no ulterior motive, no meaning behind his actions. The only reason Richie did it was because Eddie made these silly noises that made the whole Losers Club laugh along with him.

Seriously, that was the only reason.

It wasn’t like he was finding an excuse to touch him, or hear him laugh. Why would you even think that? Him and Eddie were just friends.

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harry hook x reader

summary: you had a short-lived fling with Harry but he wasn’t going to let it go until you two were together.


You walked into Urslas fish and chips, looking for Gil. The other day, you had borrowed something from him and even though most people here would never even bother thinking about giving it back, here you were.

“Y/N, there you are my love. What brings you here?” Harry smiled at you, gently running his hook through you hair.

“Hello Harry. I’m here for Gil” You told him.

You frowned when you saw the anger in his eyes, “And why are you here to see Gil?” He said through gritted teeth.

“I owe him money. So I’m here giving it to him."You said holding up the cash.

"And when did Gil give you money? The boy never leaves the ship"He laughed though you knew he didn’t find this funny.

"I don’t have time for twenty questions, Harry.” You pushed past him on your way to find Gil.

“Don’t worry about it baby. I’ll give him the money later. Sit down I’ll get you some food.” Harry had snaked one hand around your waist and pulled you to the table.

“And I can trust you, the thief to give him the money?”

“What money?” Gil asked from behind the counter.

“Leaping lizards! You scared the shit out of me, Gil! But uh, here your money for the other night.” You told him handing over the cash.

Gil eyes were clouded with terror once you meationed, “the other night.” Everyone knew Harry liked you so no one dared to go near you, if they did they knew how Harry would recact.

“The other night? Care to explain why you were out with my girlfriend Gil?” Harry questioned.


“I’m not your girlfriend Harry!” You cut Gil off, “And when are you going to accept that?”

“You have feelings for me, Y/N. I know you do. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have spent so many nights in my room….” Harry trailed off.

It’s true, you spent a lot a nights with Harry but once things stared becoming too serious, you ended things with him. And let’s just say, he didn’t take no for answer.

“That was a long time ago, Harry. Things are different now.” You told him.

“I want to be with you, Y/N. Why can’t you admit you want to be with me too?” He questioned inching closer to you. He whispered in your ear, “I know you want to be mine. And all I want is for you to be mine.”

And with those words, you attached your lips to him and he smiled into the kiss. You two kept like that until Uma yelled at you two get a room. So you went back too his room under deck.

“So does this mean you’re officially my girlfriend?” He smirked lying down on his bed while he watched you brush your hair.

“Yeah.” You smiled, “And you’re my boyfriend.” You set your hair brush down on his dresser.

Harry moved closer to you, snaking his arms around your waist, kissing your neck.


“Mmm, baby?”

“I have to go, curfew is soon.” You told him and he sighed.

“Do you have too?” He whined, “I want you to stay here with me.”

“Me too babe, I’ll talk to my mother about my curfew. She doesn’t care about me or anything after my father died so I doubt she care about my curfew.” You told him and he nodded, kissing your knuckles.

“See you in the morning my love.” He promised and you leaned in and kissed him.

“Goodbye Harry.” And with that you exited his room on deck and set off for your house.

On your way out of the shop you ran into Gil, “So you two are back together?”

“Yeah we are.” You smiled. True at first you had your doubts but you were happy.

“Good. He was miserable without you.” He admitted and to which you just nodded and wished him a good night and walked home.

anonymous asked:

What would the paladins + Allura do if their s/o left kiss marks all over their exposed neck with lipstick without them knowing and the others noticing it before them (I did this to my crush once and it was hilarious)

what even is sleep i’m not familiar


  • what???? he’s so confused
  • everyone is all winking and snickering
  • he’s so confused and aNGRY
  • pouty keith
  • when he finds out he’s sO EMBARRASSED
  • “why,,,,why would you do this to me y/n“
  • desperately tries to wash it away but like lipstick smudges
  • “y/n yOU MADE THIS MESS :((((”
  • “y/n hELP“
  • someone save the poor bby


  • little shit
  • he doesn’t even know wHAT IT IS BUT HE’S LIKE YUP
  • and then when he finds out he’s like,,,
  • “y/n HOW COULD YOU“
  • and then he gets kind of embarrassed
  • i mean listen he loves to tease
  • but on the inside he’s sOFT AND SO EMBARRASSED OKAY LIKE 
  • WOW and if you’re like “;)”
  • then he’s like,,,,dead
  • tries to cover up his embarrassment
  • “are you just jealous i’m getting it and you’re not, mullethead?“ 
  • “ummm no you smudged some of it earlier when you were rubbing your neck lol“


  • slightly annoyed that everyone is laughing
  • “if you could pLEASE pay attention“
  • he doesn’t even spend his free time with the others and this is why
  • no one tells him SHIT okay like he’s just sitting there ALL MORNING with a billion and one of these kiss marks on his neck like “yeah so thats that planet”
  • he notices because he goes to touch his neck and then when he brings his hand back to see the bright red and he’s like what
  • so he goes to the bathroom and he’s like “what the hell is this”
  • and then he washes most of it off and goes to find you
  • “care to explain this, y/n“
  • “new beauty routine, shiro?“
  • he’s like angry, but like the slow burn angry, where they comically draw your eyebrow twitching
  • and then he’s also pretty embarrassed because,,,,
  • well dang
  • hopefully no one talks about it they do
  • acts like it never happened


  • poor baby is just minding his OWN business 
  • he just wants to bake his dessert ppl 
  • idk why everyone keeps on snickering at him
  • he doesn’t feel good at that :(((
  • he asks you for help because you might know something
  • you weren’t going to say anything
  • but he’s pouting
  • and his eyes are wide and he sounds SO CONFUSED
  • so you just tell him
  • “so you mean i’ve been walking around like this the whole time!!!!!!“
  • “y/n i trusted you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!“


  • figures out the fastest
  • she kind of pieces together that it must be her appearance in like an hour
  • so she goes to the bathroom and she’s like “wHAT IS THIS”
  • and then she remembers you
  • okay she’s mad she’s like “wHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS”
  • but she’s also really embarrassed
  • i mean,,,,everyone just saw that. 
  • she’s not leaving her room for like,,,,another day
  • no one can see her she can’t face the team
  • “katie i’m sORRY“
  • pidge can’t come to the door now, sorry, ding“
  • “katie i know that’s you“


  • she thinks it’s just a huge prank
  • eyebrow twitching
  • blames it on lance or something
  • she finds out because she kept on getting mad at everyone so you took pity on her
  • “you wHAT”
  • ummm she’s a cross between embarrassed and mad like,,,
  • ‘how could you let me go out hALF DECENT’
  • and ‘i’ll never be seen the same way’
  • someone give her comfort jhjdshf

Originally posted by thealmightyaidean

Summary: Fili can’t seem to get his question right.

Pairings: Fili x Reader

Warnings: Swearing

Written for: @sdavid09‘s “What if Challenge” with the prompt: “What if the smooth talking Fili lost his cool when trying to ask a girl out?”

A/n: I needed to get this done before I completely forgot about it!

Master List

“Did it hurt? When you fell from Mahal’s halls?” Fili asks and Kili snorts.

Fili sighs, glaring at his brother through the mirror. 

Keep reading

Sand and Sun

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You / Taehyung

Genre: Fluff / Humor

Prompt: “He’s four years old!” + “I lost our child.”

Rating: PG

Word Count: 641

Originally posted by become-the-story

Keep reading


Rating: Teen

Pairing: Reylo

Prompt: soulmates AU

Notes: Thank you @briarlily for indulging my weakness for soulmate stories! I hope you like the spin I put on this one. :)

we are embers from the same fire

we are dust from the same star

Ben knows that the color he’s missing is green. Forests and fields and gardens in bloom: they’re all grey to his eyes. He wears a length of rope around his wrist—green, his mother promises—so that he’ll see it right away when he meets the boy or girl he’s bound to.

When he’s twelve, Ben discovers that his father still can’t see blue.

Dad is on-world, his first trip home in weeks, and his family takes a trip to the beach. Ben learns how to swim, then lounges on the sandy Naboo shore, soaking up afternoon sunlight until the warmth lulls him to sleep.

He wakes to find his parents laughing, their shadows casting a cool shadow over him. They make fun of his uneven sunburn, and Ben is on the verge of sitting up and complaining about it when his mother whispers, “The sky was so blue today. It’s a shame you couldn’t see it.”

“I don’t need to,” Dad says, his voice suddenly serious and gruff. “The view I’ve got is just fine by me, thanks.”

Ben can’t sleep that night. He knows, as well as any boy his age, what the lack of each color means, and blue is the color of safety, steadfastness, home. It’s said that people who see without it are restless souls. Wanderers and troublemakers who’ll never find satisfaction until they meet their mates.

A month later, Ben corners his father while he’s making repairs on the Falcon, and asks, “Will you leave us if you find her? The woman who could give you blue?”

Dad drops his wrench, cusses, and scrubs a hand over his face. “I, uh, did find her, when you were three.”

“What?” Ben asks. “Then—why can’t you see it?”

Dad tries to wave him closer, but Ben stays put. “Well I did, for a few hours, and that wasn’t half-bad—I finally understood why people make such a fuss about the sky.”

His father smiles at him expectantly, like he thinks this is funny. When Ben doesn’t smile back, he clears his throat and says, “Anyway, her name was Meera, and it was good to meet her, even if it didn’t change anything for me. After I said goodbye, and told her I wasn’t interested in all the soulmate shit, the blue went away again.”

Ben crosses his arms over his chest. “How can you not care? The Force makes our matches. Uncle Luke said so.”

“Yeah, well I’ve had that conversation with Luke too, and I’ll tell you what I told him: the Force can take the color blue and shove it.” Dad throws an arm around Ben’s shoulders and says, “I don’t need somebody to keep me tied down. Half the reason I love your mother so damn much is that she knows who I am, without some missing puzzle piece that’s supposed to fix me, and she still wants what I’ve got to offer.”

It’s not an answer Ben likes very much, but it’s the only one he’s going to get.

Green is the color of growth and transformation. People blind to it wrestle with their own hearts. They get tangled up in their shortcomings, frozen by the need for change that they have little capacity to make.

At least, this is what Ben has always heard, and it terrifies him. As the years pass, he understands that there is something wrong, something rotten right down to his blood and bones. And that rottenness will ruin him if he doesn’t find his mate soon.

Green is a long-dead dream, one that does not belong to Kylo Ren. He buried it with a bracelet of rope; he destroyed it, same as he destroyed the boy he once was.

But when Kylo lays eyes on the scavenger girl, the woods come to life. Takodana’s empty grey gives way to new, vibrant color. It’s stunning, overwhelming, so beautiful that the sight of it shocks him into stillness.

The girl gasps, her eyes trained on his lightsaber, her expression hungry and repulsed at once.

Red, Kylo thinks. She’d been missing red, before this moment.

It fills him with more pride than it should, because red is the color of passion, provocation, and fury. He’s always heard that the red-blind are a cold sort. Pragmatic and patient above all else, until they meet the one who will drive them to take risks, to indulge their impulses, to choose selfishly instead of wisely. This is what he’s meant to bring her: the kind of love that burns.

She’s ready to bolt—fear is written all over her—but he can’t let her run, not when he’s only just found her. Kylo draws the girl into unconsciousness with one measly push through the Force. He catches her before she falls, lifts her into his arms, and carries her back to his ship.

On the long walk out of the forest, he keeps his gaze trained ahead, focused on the task at hand, but all around him the world is green, green, green.

The scavenger’s name is Rey, and she’s seen the missing piece of that elusive map to Luke Skywalker. Kylo knows he should only care about prying it from her memory, but—

“It’s red, isn’t it?” he asks. “The color I brought you.”

Rey won’t meet his eyes when she says, “What does it matter?”

Kylo takes off his helmet, sets it aside, and approaches her. She’s restrained in the interrogation chair, a tool that has seen more blood than he wants to consider right now.

Rey frowns, her indifferent expression giving way to confusion. It seems he surprised her by removing his mask, and Kylo wonders what she thinks of him, whether she finds him pleasant or disappointing to look on. Not that he should concern himself with that.

He traces the curve of her cheek, his touch so light that he can barely feel her warmth through his gloves. “It matters because we’re bound to each other. For better or worse, this is what the Force wills.”

Rey glares at him so hatefully that it kindles a flare of shame under his skin.

“I don’t care,” she says.

Kylo trails his fingers across her jaw, then the pale line of her throat, down to the delicate hollow between her collarbones. Rey turns away from him and hisses, “Not even the Force could make me want a creature like you.”

Kylo unlocks her restraints, steps back, and smiles. “We’ll see.”

It’s stupid, releasing an enemy who’s strong in the Force, but he needs to face her on equal footing.

Rey scrambles out of the interrogation chair. Though she doesn’t attack him, the way Kylo expected, she keeps her distance. Waiting and watching, until he makes the first move.

He rushes to her, cutting through the space between them, and pushes Rey against the wall. She looks up at him, her pretty lips turned down in a scowl, and somehow she’s even more beautiful when she’s angry.

He bends lower, closer. “You know what red means, don’t you?”

Rey shoves at his chest, but he’s too tall, too solid, for it to move him. They grapple, yanking and pushing each other, until Kylo has her pinned, caught between his body and the wall. They touch, their hands lingering too long, too intimately, for a proper fight, but there’s nothing soft or forgiving about it. Only fury and an undercurrent of something else, something more. She’s so warm, steeped in the invisible aura of the Force, and he wants—

Something has broken within him, shifted and turned its sharp edges inward, but Kylo doesn’t care. This moment is his, this moment is theirs, and nothing will take it from him.

Kylo never looks for the map. When he finally finds the courage to break away from Rey, he tells her to run. He wonders if he’ll lose green from his sight as suddenly as he gained it, but no, it stays, and that gives him hope.

Later, when Kylo stands on a narrow bridge and faces Han Solo, he thinks, You should’ve chosen the woman who could give you blue.

Then there’s a moment—one quiet moment charged with the weight of his choices—when it would be easy to cut down his father.

Instead, Kylo hands over his lightsaber. It doesn’t matter that there’s no green on this bridge, because he can see new possibilities unfolding around him in the Force. An opportunity to break away from Snoke, a chance to be free.

It isn’t too late.

Is your kink realistic sex?

I’m pretty unashamed to say mine is, as unconventional as that may be in a day and age where sex is meant to titillate rather than just be part of a healthy relationship.

@agentmoppet​ (AKA @ellenjanewrites​, go check out her blog!) and I put our bitter, twisted minds together, spurred on by the desire to see laughter brought into the bedroom, and accidentally wrote 25k of just that.

I promise there’s no butter as lube in the fic–not even ghee! @agentmoppet wouldn’t let me. There is, however, lots of cheeky dialogue, Ministry-approved activities, and silly sex. The full thing is on AO3; we’d be ecstatic if you gave it a look-see (or a whole lot more than that).

Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood
Summary: Harry’s used to finding distractions to avoid studying, but propositioning Malfoy to get rid of the pesky problem of their virginity is on a whole new level, even for him.

Excerpt below the cut.

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