why did i even buy this i just don't know

knocked up starters.
  • I proposed to you like an idiot and you said no!
  • It's a girl - buy some pink stuff!
  • Guess what the fuck's up?
  • _____ is going into labor and you are not fucking here
  • You know what I'm gonna have to do now? I'm going have to kill you
  • I'm gonna pop a fucking cap in your ass.
  • You're dead, you're Tupac, you are fucking Biggie, you piece of shit!
  • Marriage is like a freak, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.
  • Do you want to do it doggy-style?
  • You're not going to treat me like a dog.
  • I'm not treating you like a dog. It's doggy-style. It's just in the style. We don't have to go outside or anything.
  • I'm naked...
  • Did we have sex?
  • I'm pregnant.
  • Fuck off!
  • I assumed you were wearing a patch, or like a--like a dental dam, or one of those butterfly clips or something.
  • What is a dental dam?
  • We have to help them raise the baby.
  • Why did we go to Costco and buy a year's supply of condoms if you weren't gonna use 'em, man?
  • I can't believe you did this. You messed everything up.
  • You gotta know all the tricks like, for example, if a woman's on top she can't get pregnant. It's just gravity.
  • I love you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me.
  • I'm the best thing that ever happened to you?
  • Now I'm starting to feel sorry for you.
  • If I didn't care about these things, you wouldn't care about anything. Care more.
  • I like "Spider-Man".
  • Look, I don't even know what I'm supposed to say to you
  • You think that just because you don't yell, you're not mean? This is mean!
  • We don't have the heart to tell him it's herpes.
  • I'm gonna throw you into my DeLorean, gun it to 88.
  • I'm sorry I told you to screw your bong.
  • Why is everyone so mad at you?
  • Do you ever get so bored, you stare at your balls?
  • So what do you think? Should we have sex tonight?
  • I'm just really constipated.
  • Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
  • If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' lose my mind!
  • You're embarrassing me in front of company!
  • Sherlock: *picking Molly's lock*
  • Molly: *sweetly* You can come in, you know. I only lock it at night and when I'm at work.
  • Sherlock: *annoyed* I could have been a burglar.
  • Molly: *chuckles* With the amount of noise you make? It's your way of letting me know it's you. You even drag the hairpin down the handle first. Now shut up and come in, I'm tired of talking to a door.
  • Sherlock: *half-impressed, half-irritated* Hairpin? It's actually a scientific- *steps into Molly's flat to find her on the sofa, cradling a Dalmatian puppy* -lock picking device.
  • Molly: *scratching the puppy's ears; teasing* Make it yourself, did you? Is that why it's scientific?
  • Sherlock: *narrows his eyes* Why aren't you at work?
  • Molly: *raises her eyebrow* Miss me?
  • Sherlock: *through gritted teeth* Answer the question.
  • Molly: *sighs; stroking the puppy* Well, the weirdest thing happened. I woke up and found this little girl outside in a box wrapped in a blanket...I've spent all day trying to find her owner. Nobody in my building is claiming responsibility. Can you believe someone just abandoned her outside my flat?
  • Sherlock: *blinks* Aban- she was a present.
  • Molly: ...
  • Sherlock: I assume.
  • Molly: *mumbles* I did buy a few things. Food and bedding...toys... *shakes her head* If she is a present, why would someone buy me something this gorgeous? *tickles the excited pup*
  • Sherlock: *joins her on the sofa* You receive a nice gift from a generous, possibly attractive, stranger and you complain and try to give her away? *smirks*
  • Molly: *blushes; gently moves the puppy from her lap* I don't even know who to thank.
  • Sherlock: Mmm.
  • Molly: *wringing her hands* I'll just have to keep an eye for attractive strangers hanging around my flat, won't I?
  • Sherlock: ...
  • Sherlock: *cups Molly's neck, pulling her in for a heated kiss*
  • Molly: *grins against his mouth* Thank you.
  • Sherlock: *shrugs* What for?
  • Molly: *playfully slaps him; snogs him again*