why did i delete the original i am such an idiot

What You Don’t Know Won’t Hurt You  (pt.lll)

Originally posted by visual-jongdae

Be ready for some 0-100 real quick type action in this. Here is the final part of this series. I cried while writing it and cried more while reading this back so I hope you will cry less than me and I hope you enjoy it even if you cry. Please let me know what you think and if you’d like to see me write more things in the future!! Thank you so much for all the love you’ve shown to this series <3

Pairing: Chanyeol x Reader (ft. Baekhyun)

Word Count: 2.847k

Genre: Angst so many tears

Warnings: lots of mean words and violence

Part l / Part ll / Part lll (final) / Masterlist~

Baekhyun was having a hard time. He was having a hard time dealing with one of his best friends treating him like a stranger, he was having a hard time watching his other best friend get her heart broken and he was having a hard time trying to figure out what exactly he was feeling about (y/n) and Chanyeol respectively but currently, he was having a hard time figuring out this math problem.

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Spilling To A Stranger

Joe couldn’t believe it. But really, there was no one to blame but himself. Although he did think it was fair to put some blame on the girl he had said everything too.

Until he reminds himself that he was the one to pour all his personal life issues to a complete stranger.

Groaning, he lets his head fall back on the couch, his laptop sitting open in his lap, the page open to Twitter, which is filled with retweets of the original post that had made his heart drop.

Because it revealed everything. And now there was no hiding it.


He hadn’t meant to reveal everything. Honestly, he didn’t. But it had been a long day, and he had stopped in at the coffeeshop on his way home, and when the barista had asked him how he was doing that day, Joe had been honest and said it was a shit day. And then the barista had gone on to ask if he wanted to talk, for some reason he did.

The coffeeshop was mostly empty, so he stood at the counter for a while just talking, but they had moved to a table soon enough and he continued to spill everything to her.

He thought she was just some stranger. Someone to talk to that he would never see again.

Until he went onto Twitter two days later and say everything he had said, every detail and name, posted as screenshots from a phone.

The barista had apparently been a fan of his, although she had not given any sign of recognizing Joe when he walked in, and now had posted everything he had said to her so everyone could read it.

Everyone, including Y/N. The one person he didn’t want to know.

Because during his rambling conversation, he had admitted to his true feelings for his best friend.

Which now everyone across Twitter also knew.

For the past hour, Joe had been trying to call her. He had tried to call her as soon as he realized what happened, but Y/N was not answering. And that worried him.

Because he was sure she had seen it. His fans were tagging her in the posts, and he knew she checked her Twitter while at work, which she was at for at least another hour. Joe was tempted to go over there to talk to her, but by time he would get there, she’d be gone. So he instead just tried to call, to text, to get in touch with her somehow. But Y/N was silent.

Deciding to give it one more try, Joe quickly redialed her number, fiddling with the hem of his shirt while it rang, and rang, and rang. Until it went to voicemail.

“Please, Y/N. Just…call me.”


Three days after that, Joe figured he had well and truly fucked up his friendship with her. Because Y/N had still not called him back, and she never answered the door when he knocked. He knew he could probably just use his key to go inside, but he didn’t want to force her that way. So he would knock. But she didn’t open the door. All his text messages went unanswered. All his calls went to voicemail.

Joe knew she was listening to them though, because her voicemail inbox was never full. Unless she just deleted them without listening.

He didn’t want to think about that as an option though.

Twitter was still going crazy over it, and he did his best to avoid going on there, but he still found himself scrolling through the tweets about what happened, hoping that maybe Y/N had responded to one of his fans.

Nothing.

Which meant he had lost his best friend, and the woman he loved. All because he had been stupid enough to spill his guts to a complete stranger.


When a full week since the reveal had passed, and there was still no response from Y/N, Joe was ready to give up. Because it was clear that she wanted nothing more to do with him.

It wasn’t that he wanted to give up, or give her up, but he also didn’t want to make things awkward by forcing her to remain in his life or even talk to him when she didn’t want too.

As he was contemplating how to word another text to Y/N, one that explained he would stop trying to get in touch with her, Joe heard someone knock on his front door.

Confused, he pushed himself off his couch and towards the door, glancing briefly at the security system that usually rang first, alerting him to a visitor down at the main door.

Who would be able to just come in without him buzzing?

Apparently, when he swung open his front door, Y/N was.

“Hi.” She said, shifting on her feet.

Joe blinked in surprise, speechless. Because after a week of complete silence, she was standing in front of him. And didn’t look like she wanted to tell him off.

“Uhm, hi.” He finally got out. “Come inside, sorry.” He stepped to the side, allowing her to walk in.

“You aren’t busy, are you?” Joe’s mind jumped to the message he had been wording, but not that it mattered now, since Y/N was her in front of him.

“No, not at all. What’s up?”

“Really?” She tilted her head, a small smile tugging at her lips. “You’re asking whats up?”

He laughed softly, running a hand through his hair. “Guess that’s kind of pointless, isn’t it.”

“A little.”

“Sorry.”

“So am I.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve been ignoring you for the past week.”

“I mean, I get it.” Joe shrugged. “Kind of a lot to take in.”


“You know you’re an idiot, right?” Y/N said suddenly, surprising him.

“Huh?”

“Instead of just coming and telling me that you like me, you instead go and tell a crazed fan, so she posts it all over the internet.” Her tone is light and teasing, and he can feel himself relax, because he hasn’t lost his best friend he realizes.

“Hey! I didn’t know she was a crazed fan.”

“So you just go around telling strangers how you feel? But not your best friend.”

“Well…” He trailed off, shrugging again.

“You are an idiot.” Y/N repeated fondly, smiling up at him.

“You said that already.”

“And I’ll probably say it over and over again, because I’m apparently in love with an idiot.” She giggled.

“You know, it isn’t ni—” Joe stopped, eyes widening as he realized what she said. “Wait, what?”

“Sorry it took me so long to say back. But to be fair, you did choose to tell a stranger over me first.”

“You love me?”

“For some reason, yes.” Y/N said, reaching up to kiss him gently.

“So I should tell random strangers stuff more often?” He grinned, his arms moving around her waist.

“Only if they are secretly crazed fans.” She replied, leaning into him.

“I’ll make sure to check the next time I go spill my guts.”

“Make sure you do.”

Why I am convinced that CB's relationship is genuine!

Hello, this is anon-dream :) As I have told you already, admin-nim, I had originally planned to make a post about how obvious I think CB have been lately. However, due to the fact that I am a big IDIOT who accidently deleted that post by clicking some random button (T.T) and because of the recent news that Dispatch has released regarding Kai and Krystal and another alleged dating scandal that is going to be revealed soon … I would like to be more careful and thus rather not write a post like that. We all don’t know what will happen in the next months, therefore, I don’t want my assumptions to influence people and make them raise their hopes up while we are in such a critical situation. However, I would like to talk about something else instead: CB’s - which I think - genuine relationship (regardless of it being interpreted as romantic or platonic). I have seen many CB shippers who have become somewhat sad/disappointed because of this post by an alleged insider of SM (People say it’s from 2012) : http://baoliao.tumblr.com/post/90316568632/insider-info-2012-the-inner-workings-of-sm In this post, it says that OTPs, including CB, were planned by SM from the very beginning, that they deliberately make them do lots of fanservice as some kind of marketing strategy (I recommend reading that post if you haven’t already. It’s quite long but the person who wrote it  has kind of foreseen KaiStal and BaekYeon … which is scary :’) ) Plus, I have read this post by our dear @parkbaekssi today, which is dealing with the subject of SM being aware of CB being shipped by fans:  http://parkbaekssi.tumblr.com/post/142178522001/hello-i-have-been-an-avid-shipper-of-chanbaek I wanted to submit this post to her as well, but sadly, I couldn’t find the “submit” button on her blog T.T (I told you, I am a big idiot), therefore, I would wish for her to read this as well if she likes because she asked her followers to share their opinion. Okay, I will get started on the actual post now. In case that this will become a super long post, know that I am deeply sorry for every pair of eyes that are reading this T.T haha!

First of all, I would like to agree with the statement that SM is indeed aware of popular pairings within their company and that they also make use of this knowledge by either pairing two shipped members up (eg. by forming a subunit like they did with EunHae) or by encouraging said members to interact in a certain way in front of the fans. Even though this might sound very strange to some people (it is sounds strange to me as well, tbh), it also makes a lot of sense because, as we know, so called ‘bromances’ are totally loved in Korea (note: bromances, not actual gay couples!). Therefore, what better and easier way is there to additionally promote a group if not through OTPs? It makes sense to me, totally. However, as much as this is true, I strongly disagree with the statement that ChanBaek is purely based on fanservice (note: parkbaekssi didn’t claim this! :) But other people do and it makes me a bit angry) 

As parkbaekssi has mentioned in her post, there are some CB moments that could be deemed as fanservice (e.g Chanyeol giving Baekhyun a rose on stage, the high5 during growl - I myself would like to add the forehead touch thingy they did some years ago - still a beautiful moment though ;D ), meaning that yes, ChanBaek do fanservice as well and yes, they are aware of the fact that they are a popular ship. And SM obviously is, too, as the following post shows: http://94ohsenshine.tumblr.com/post/142164246659/chanbaek (note: There is so much CB in Korea these days, hm.. everyone, let’s go there and have a big party! haha ^^)

HOWEVER, there is one thing about ChanBaek that makes them special compared to other super popular OTPs in my opinion. We all know that Chanyeol and Baekhyun are mostly about stolen glances and subtle touches. Their moments are pretty toned down compared to their moments with other members or other OTPs. Even their most ‘intense’ moments are pretty toned down, don’t you agree? Take the legendary hug in Manila as an example. It lasted for like, what, a few seconds (it still killed us though). If they know that fans love that kind of stuff, why didn’t they make a show about it by pretending to kiss or other things their fellow members have done before? Also, note that this was the first real hug between ChanBaek since ISAC in 2012 - It took these two 4 freaking years (!)  to hug properly and they didn’t even initiate it! It was Sehun who made them hug! (Bless you, Oh Sehun!) Now, some of you might think: “Maybe they are just uncomfortable with the fact that they are being shipped?”  That’s not a stupid thought, actually. Anyone would think like this at first. However, if the thought of being paired up with a guy disgusted you that much, wouldn’t you generally try and not initiate too much skinship with males? You would, wouldn’t you? But ChanBaek both don’t:

1) Baekhyun is all over Sehun (+ other members) most of the time, touches him in a way he would never touch Chanyeol in and is generally a touchy, flirty (and adorable) human being - except with Park Chanyeol!

2) Chanyeol, although he is the one who initiates skinship in CB, also touches his fellow members in a way that he would never touch Baekhyun in. He can hug Yixing, Kyungsoo freely, and grab/pinch Sehun’s butt while he almost freaked out when Sehun brought Baekhyun to him during Peter Pan in Manila …

Now, my aim is not to prove to you that CB are involved with each other in a romantic way - that is something that you have to make your opinion of. However, concluding from the aspects mentioned above, I can draw the conclusion that these two, despite of being aware of the fact that they are being shipped, despite of the fact that fans are dying to see them interacting, do not flaunt their close relationship at all - at least not by doing heavy skinship with each other. Actually, not even on SNS - at least not openly. While their posts are often similiar and posted right after one of them has uploaded something - they rarely post selcas these day despite of having been seen together off-cam. It’s strange, since Chanyeol has posted a lot of pictures with Sehun, since these two have spent a lot of time lately … Anyway, what I am trying to say is that, whatever relationship Chanyeol and Baekhyun have, they don’t flaunt it, they keep it private, thus, hidden from the public’s eye. And anything hidden from the public’s eye cannot be deemed as 'fanservice’ anymore. 

“What if they aren’t close with each other after all? / What if they don’t spend that much time with each other after all?” -> These are also questions you might ask yourself right now - You have every right to! Of course I cannot provide you solid facts about Chanbaek’s relationship, none of us can, as we are only outsiders. However, based on my own experiences regarding human nature, I can tell you this:

Chanyeol and Baekhyun - all romantic, fanfic stuff aside - although they are not phsysically close, are definitely connected to each other, let’s call it mentally connected. This, in my opinion, becomes evident in the most simple interactions these two have, starting from all their inside jokes/  (e.g “Cha-cha-cha Chanyeol!” / “Bae-Bae-Bae Baekhyun!” / “Tomorrow is monday” / that weird dance that both of them did on stage, idk how to describe it but I am sure you know what I mean haha! / their voice imitations during V-app (vroom vroom) / that “I am going to cry” joke Chanyeol pulled during their bed broadcast etc.), the way they keep completing each other’s sentences although they’re 5-6 members apart from each other, the way Chanyeol always seems to lose it whenever Baekhyun makes a joke and just the general chemistry they have between each other! Our dear Parkbaekssi, who  has seen Exo live, has made a wonderful post about Chanbaek’s chemistry live, you can read it here: 

http://parkbaekssi.tumblr.com/post/141869483776/hi-d-dont-know-if-you-remember-me-i-had-sent

(fun fact: the anon who asked about this was actually me *hides*)

Do you see what I mean with “mentally connected” now? All those insiders, the way they pay attention to each other’s utterings and everything else listed above. They might not prove that these two are a couple but they certainly show that they must have spent and probably still spend a lot of time with each other and might even be soulmates. Somehow, these two remind me of me and my clostest friend sometimes. We are never really touchy with each other, never post a lot about ourselves on SNS - but we understand each other, we know each other well, we laugh about the same things, have insiders only we understand, have similiar taste in music and very, very often think  and utter the same thing at the same time. Note that we are not together 24/7, but we have spent enough time with each other to become like this. We have talked about things we never talked to anyone else about, we have done a lot of things together. Of course this doesn’t necessarily mean that CB have done the same. Maybe they didn’t. However, there is a possibility. You don’t become like this with just any person. Such a bond is special, precious and very beautiful. Therefore, dear CB shippers (and also dear KaiSoo shippers), whatever might happen in the future, know that this bond won’t and cannot vanish just like that - I can promise you that :) !

Now, let’s come to the last part of this post (You were brave my friend, you made it this far. Your poor eyes T.T) Until now, we have only talked about CB from Chanyeol’s and Baekhyun’s perspective. But what about SM? After all, we did agree that they do take advantage of their OTPs. But what makes CB special regarding this matter? 

Well, the thing is, SM definitely makes use of CB’s chemistry and their talents regarding variety shows! Therefore, I agree with Parkbaekssi. CB are a perfect duo. They are both talkative, funny, hyper, social. The fact that they are also being shipped by fans is like the cherry on top. Like, what could go wrong with a duo like this? HOWEVER: As much as SM seems to be promoting Chanbaek, I still have some questions:

- If CB are so popular, why aren’t they paired up during dance performances (except Growl)? Why does the order in which Exo members usually stand ensure that Baekhyun and Chanyeol are “far away” from each other?

- Why was “Sehun Time” instantly changed to “Chanyeol Time” right after the Chanbaek hug in Manila happened? Doesn’t this mean that another hug is “impossible” because Chanyeol is the one who chooses the members? (Question to Chanyeol: Why did you always choose Baekhyun+ another member during Peter Pan?)

- Why has there never been another CB duet after “Love Song” although it was obviously liked a lot by the fans? We got ChanSoo’s “Boyfriend”  (which was awesome!) but still …

- Why were so many scenes from CB’s Roommate episode cut? (including a duet between them) Same goes to some episodes of Exo Showtime.

Now, these questions were not meant to be written in an accusing tone but rather in a curious tone. I am sure there are answers to these questions. But at the moment, they are just confusing me a bit. Like, SM does make use of CB on the one hand, however, on the other hand they also seem to not promote them very much as a duo. I cannot say much about EunHae since I am not familiar with them at all, but I know other examples from YG artists, namely GTOP (GD & TOP from BB)  and Gri / Nyongtori (GD & Seungri from BB). I am aware of the fact that YG and SM are two totally different companies with different strategies but I must say that YG promoted GTOP a lot (gave them a sub-unit, made them act as a couple in a drama parody in which they even kissed (!) ) whereas Gri promote themselves a lot imo (They are like, super, super touchy on stage, affectionate in public and on SNS). And again, compared to these examples, Chanbaek are, in my opinion, pretty toned down. It’s confusing, right? The idol industry is confusing … haha!

Okay, this was my opinion on this whole topic :) Of course I am in no way guaranteeing that what I am saying is true. These are merely speculations based on what I have read, seen and experienced myself. Basically, all statements above are subjective. Of course you can disagree with me and call me a big idiot! - That’s totally fine! :) Let me just tell you one thing before I finally leave you alone: Idols are human, just like us and although they seem so far away from us and so unreachable and different - they aren’t :) They cannot fake certain emotions, no matter how experienced they are and they deserve as much love, respect and acceptance as all human beings do. Therefore, try not to think of your ships as “ships”. Try thinking of them as “relationships between two human beings” - because that’s what it basically means, right? The word “ship” is automatically associated with delusions, fanfictions and immaturity  these days. And sadly, some shippers are going way too far, thus seemingly proving those assumptions to be true… However, do not let yourself get generalized like that, okay? :) After all, there are plenty normal, friendly and totally down-on-earth shippers out there! 

Okay, I am out now ♥  Omg Admin-nim, I am sorry for this being too long! I hope it was at least an acceptable post T.T Keep up the good work on your blog! We love it! :) 



AHHHH YAS MAN! I was waiting for this submission. Just by reading the title I got excited~

So I also agree with how SM is very very well aware of the OTPish pairings of their groups, they would probably, if that would help raise their groups success. Like they would help feed that ship stuff, like I don’t know making them pose in a picture together, and stuff like that. AND IT’S TRUE KOREANS LOVE THE INTERACTIONS AND STUFF! It doesn’t even have to be a bromance thing but heck they would love it if they kiss! (aham Sexing ahem) Like see fancams in korea and stuff and when oh for example a CB moment, boom they go just and wild as we do. And to the people that say Chanbaek is fan service.

HOW

IS

THIS

FANSERVICE?????

Ok I’m good

And of course they will have fan service. They still need to please the fans, can’t have anything in secret right? And of course these two know they are popular, we see pictures of them looking at the handmade CB signs (I need one) and SM…they probably keep tabs on everything to promote…something.

And yes, the very reason why I love Chanbaek so much is because I can really sense genuine stuff, they don’t have so much skinship where you are like, oop they are just friends and do lotta fan service, but they do enough where we don’t go like “AHHHHH THEY HATE EACH OTHER” but the have skinship where I feel like a pairing that are “just friends” do, but of course that’s just what I think. And I love seeing how they act differently to each other than they act with other members, shows you they are…well…different.

YAS CHANBAEK IS LIKE THE LEGIT SECRET SHIP IN AN UNDER SECRET MISSION WHERE NOONE CAN GAIN THE TRUTH ABOUT THEIR ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP. AND THAT IS VERY SUSPICIOUS BECAUSE IF THEY WERE JUST FRIENDS THEN THERE WOULD BE NOTHING TO HIDE AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!

I can’t understand how anyone could wonder if these two ain’t close and that’s why they don’t have much skinship. Like these two probably have one of the best chemistry and relationship out of the nine, they actually stand and sit by each other a lot, they always make each other laugh, they are compatible with each other, they enjoy each other’s company (they are always happy together) and the two even announced that they were close on tv and radio, even if that was years ago, it’s obviously not changed. Plus have you seen how in sync they are. IT’S SCARY HOW MENTALLY CONNECTED THEY ARE.

I love the personal reference, those are always great for making analysis. But Chanbaek, they have a very very special bond, whether it’s romantic or purely friendship, it’s a bond that I envy and I find so beautiful.

*sigh* anon-dream I absolutely love love your submissions, even though they are long, it’s worth the read ;_; and the last paragraph tho yasssssssssssssssssssssssss!

Thanks as always for your kind words anon-dream ;_; *sigh* I’ll try to make intresting post always for you guys, but anon-dream…yours are probably more credible than mine XD I’ll keep working hard~

Thank you again for the submission anon dream! As always I try to elaborate on your posts but I can’t! You already say all the good things ;_;

PS I’m a fan of @parkbaekssi too~

(shoutout to one of my favs >3<)

Are You Sure? (Stand-Alone)

Are you sure? (Stand-Alone)

Here goes my lovelies, a bonus story for today. It is a stand-alone. So not linked to my miniseries at all. And to make it even better for some it’s a SAM X READER!

 PS I accidently deleted the wrong original post of this so here it is again. Woops.

WORD COUNT: 976

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Stanford scenario B: Oliver tells Connor the truth. Prequel to this fic


It’s now or never. Well, really it’s got to be now because if he chickens out again, he knows he’ll never go through with it. He’ll never come clean. And god knows he wants to. The weight of it drags him down, heavy on his shoulders. Sometimes it feels like an ache deep in his chest, even though he knows physically, he’s fine. And sometimes he’ll look at Connor when the other man doesn’t know he’s watching, and he’ll remember exactly what he did. 

Like right now.

The guilt gnaws at him, keeps him distant, and terrifies him. The truth is, they can’t keep going like this, and Oliver can’t keep pretending everything is okay. He can’t keep pretending he didn’t betray the man he loves. The truth always comes out. Either by his own hand, or someone else’s, the truth will come out. And it will turn out so much worse if Connor found out on his own.

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“One more hug”

I guess I missed my chance. Too poor to have afforded tickets. To far to have gone even if I could afford them. He’s serious. I’ll never get my chance to meet Taylor Caniff. For so long, all I’ve wanted was to meet him and the rest of the boys (and Mahogany of course) but, I never could afford it. Now, thanks too idiotic people tweeting stupid shit, I’ll never meet one of the boys who saved my life.

They don’t know it, but 11 boys and 1 girl saved my life. I am an original Taylor girl, and I cried reading those tweets last night.

For years, I’ve suffered from depression. I spent so much of my time fighting off the battle wounds others were inflicting upon me, that I didn’t see fault in the wounds I inflicted on myself.

When I first became a fan of these viners, I was still cutting. They gave me a reason to be happy, and with the help of the original 9 (Taylor, Carter, Nash, Cam, Jack and Jack, Matt, Aaron, and Shawn) I quit cutting.

The boy in the bandanas, the one that shouted out crude words and cared generously for his fans, he stuck out the most to me. He made me happy. Taylor Caniff made me happy. Most people don’t see how, but he did. As the others (Jacob, Hayes, Sammy, Mahogany) were added, I fell in love with them too. They became part of my life also.

For all the hate Taylor got last night, it felt like a stab in the heart. I’ve never been so upset. When he deactivated, I cried. I woke up this morning to a tweet with a picture of his YouTube video. The End Taylor Caniff. In the picture, he was wiping away tears. My heart then shattered into a million pieces.

The fact that all I saw last night, “he can’t spell” “high school dropout” “homophobic” was all started by a Cameron Dallas fan account, upset me. So what? Who was the ONLY person trying to hold this fandom together after April 17th? Who was the one that comforted Matt when he was upset? Taylor. Taylor does everything he can for us, but no one appreciates it.

To the person that started that trend last night, and to all those that followed: I hope you’re happy, knowing that you broke the strongest person I know because by doing so, you broke me. I did something I regret last night, and I pray that he didn’t.

#WhyEverybodyLikesTaylorCaniff:
Because when all others turned away, Taylor Caniff was there for me. He doesn’t know me, he’s never met me. Now, I may never meet him. But, I will forever be grateful to have known of such a wonderful human being. Taylor Caniff gives me the strength to continue, as does everyone else that has been earlier mentioned. I can only pray that he’ll be okay. I respect his decision to delete social media, he needs the break. I wish him the best as I get my hopes up, praying that he’ll come back, but knowing my hopes must be wasted. Taylor Caniff is the reason I work to stay strong, one of the reasons I can now smile and mean it. He means the world to me. That’s why I love him.

I now know that I’ll never meet him, and it crushes me. I just hope, that one day he’ll get everything in life that he desires. Maybe one day he’ll settle down and have a nice family, earn a wonderful job, and maybe even come back to twitter. I want him to know that I’ll miss him. One day, years from now, when this fandom is all grown up and most of us have forgotten, I’ll remember. I’ll remember the people that got me through hell, that brought a smile to my face, and that made me feel loved. I’ll never forget the boy who brought a true smile to my face for the first time in a long time.

Taylor Caniff, I love you.

Xx Angel ❤️

But… what if Cas and Dean are in High School together, and Cas ends up getting a weekend job in the same grocery store where Dean works.

Cas has liked Dean for a while now, because he’s cute in his nerdy glasses and the way he blushes when he’s called on in class is adorable, but he gets tongue-tied around Dean and finds himself just staring.

On his first day, when he sees Dean bustling up and down the aisles checking shelves, his heart leaps when he thinks he might finally get a chance to talk to him properly, to find his words.

When Dean sees Cas for the first time that day, in the break room at lunch, his heart sinks as he wonders what he’s done to deserve this, because he’s already haunted by those too-blue eyes. 

He’s basically had a crush on Cas since they started high school but knows that somewhere along the line he must have done something wrong for Cas to dislike him so much, because he can feel Cas’ narrowed gaze on him in class; feels daily the snub of being pretty much the only person Cas doesn’t talk to.

So it is a shock when Cas smiles and says “Hello Dean”, his gruff voice a little uncertain as he asks “You want to eat lunch together?

The smile makes Dean’s stomach flip, because he doesn’t think it’s ever been directed at him before and it’s what he’s always wanted, but he shakes his head as he says sadly “it’s okay Cas.  You don’t have to pretend just because we’re going to be working together.  I know you hate me, I just… I don’t understand what I did wrong.

Cas blinks, speechless that Dean has it so wrong, wincing at the pain and confusion in Dean’s voice as he continues speaking.

At first I thought maybe it was because I was nerdy, but then so’s Charlie, and you talk to her all the time.  Then I thought maybe it was because my family doesn’t have much money, but I know you’re not that shallow.  So I guess maybe you found out that I like y…”

Dean bites his lip, studying his shoes intently, cheeks flaming as he realises he almost blurted out that he likes Cas.

Dean… how could you think…" Cas whispers.  "I don’t… I don’t hate you.  I just… you make me nervous”.  There’s desperation in his voice as he moves to stand in front of Dean.

Dean looks up sharply, frowning, and simply asks “Why?

Cas now studies his own shoes, his own blush spreading as he answers “Because I like you Dean.  I mean… I like like you.”

He risks a glance up then, only to find hopeful green eyes gazing at him, a gentle smile tugging at the corner of Dean’s mouth as he asks “You do?

The smile grows into a broad grin as Cas nods his head shyly, and then they are both grinning as Dean reaches for Cas’s hand.

Then yeah, Cas. I want to eat lunch together.