Fanon Homestuck characters i experienced in fics over the years because i Love being in Pain: Beta kid Edition
JOHN: blank slate?? John “Can Be Whoever U Want” Egbert. sleeps with a nic cage bodypillow…..
uses :B a lot? Hello Naughty Children Its Nonstop Mean Pranks Time i hope u like ur hair dyed pink and half shaved
JADE: infomercial voice: Ever Needed an unnecessary antagonist to ur Dave x (character/reader insert) ship but didnt want to create a whole new character? Try Jade Harley for the low low price of $stop
ROSE: summons the power of every lovecraftian monstrosity to empower her ability to be ur wing-man in the up and coming ship of the fic. at exactly 12 midnight EST on a blue moon, during the Lost 29th Day of February, she may mention the tales of a wandering cryptid by the name of Kanaya then u will unlock her quest chain to later unlock this vampire to be a new playable character and gain an achievement
DAVE: 2 ¾ cups of all purpose Personality. 1 teaspoon of irony. ½ cup of apple juice. 2 eggs. 2 cups of white sugar. 1 ¼ cups of All I Do Is DJ. Then pour into a blender and sprinkle in 4 pounds of Popular Highschool Boy Tropes, force the lid closed, turn it on and pray
what i learned today while tallying homestuck statistics:
Dave has no idea how to end a conversation. I mean, I knew he just never shut the fuck up, but i’m trying to tally the number of conversations and in acts 1-4, and dave has had like, 8, total. cause whenever someone else says goodbye he just keeps talking at them until they eventually come back instead of actually signing out of pesterchum like a normal person