why can't i hold all of this perfection

  • Fat Amy: Hey Chloe! Nice of you to come!
  • Stacie: We're all hanging out in the tree house down by the lake, come along!
  • Chloe: Can't.
  • Fat Amy: Why not?
  • Chloe: Can't go in treehouses.
  • Stacie: [repeating] Why not?
  • Chloe: Because building a tree house is the biggest insult to a tree.
  • Fat Amy: How so?
  • Chloe: It's like: “Hey, I killed your friend. Here, hold him for me!”
[fic] An S&P-Approved Tentacle Encounter

(Shows up one week late having drunk all the Starbucks herself)

Stanchez, 1408 words, warning for crack, some mature language and one really suggestive situation

Keep reading

les amis + things my friends have said while drunk
  • enjolras: "no i don't WANT to play cards against humanity I REFUSE TO BUY INTO CAPITALISM JIM"
  • grantaire: "what's that old meme? cracking open a cold one with the boys? well that's what this is except it's like cracking open your deepest insecurities with your drunk friends"
  • courfeyrac: "i made like two hundred pizza rolls and also ordered us some chinese food" ("WHY?!") "you said you were hungry!"
  • combeferre: *in tears* "you can't kill the moth just because you're afraid of them, they might be afraid of you but they don't kill you! you can't just kill your problems, guys"
  • joly: "you're throwing up??? don't worry i'm a Good Friend i'll hold your hair like they do in the movies"
  • bossuet: "i broke... the shot glass." ("how?!") "it was... too heavy..."
  • feuilly: "shit do i work tomorrow?! wait no i quit that job. WAIT I HAVE THREE JOBS"
  • bahorel: *softly* "i want to fight ryan reynolds"
  • eponine: "i bet it's exhausting being perfect all the time. someone should ask my girlfriend how she does it"
  • jehan: "come to me little doggo i am the Dog Parent now, get into my vehicle" (the 'vehicle' is a bike btw) (also the 'little doggo' is taller than them soo)
  • musichetta: "it's a good thing i'm here to control all you rascals, you - oh my god there's a TRAMPOLINE CAN WE JUMP ON IT"
  • cosette: *whispers* "can we watch bring it on"
  • montparnasse: *after taking a selfie and starting to cry* "my eyeliner isn't sharp enough to kill a man anymore!"

anonymous asked:

All the HP roleplayers look good in beards because they are in fact wizards trying to blend in with normal people (muggles) in hopes to gain knowledge on our opinions on them. That is also why we love them so fondly they cast spells on us each time we go on their blogs. But you can't fool me I know now! Your beautiful beards and perfect cosplay will not hold me!!!

interhai  asked:

Almost 3 years ago, Kuroo is reading some volleyball magazine while Kenma is on his phone. Kenma happens to look over for once and sees a picture of some guy from Miyagi getting an award for best setter. Kenma's eyes light up and he puts his phone down and insists Kuroo tell him what the article's about, and Kuroo can't figure out why he's so interested in this guy from another prefecture all of a sudden. ... You've roped me into this dumb ship too and I hold you responsible, just so you know

Did you seriously just set up the perfect oiken shoujo setting oh my god. Please tell me Kenma develops a crush on Oikawa but forgets all about it… until one day, three years later, he sees him at regionals (in the most cliche situation possible, like pouring bottled water on his head in slow motion) and the first thing he does is hide behind Kuroo.

HELLO FRIEND, WELCOME TO OIKEN HELL. tsuukkis and I take full responsibility, hope you enjoy your stay~

Happy birthday Yuu!!
  • Yuu: *sitting alone on bed* I wonder why everyone had to go out today...(Baka Mika) It's not like I care or something.
  • *Mika sneaks in silently and sees Yuu turned the other way with his head phones on*
  • Mika: (mumbling) "I love you" *cough* "I love you" I was out all day getting ready for a perfect night...I'm sorry...but I know today's special.
  • *he's aware Yuu can hear none of this so continues to talk to himself*
  • Shinoa made everyone go away so we could be alone. But I really love you. *holds breath and exhales deeply* Why can't I just say this to his face?
  • Maybe I'm not ready I'll try again later.
  • Yuu: *turned down volume on headphones* *face is completely red* (to himself) did he really just say all that!?! What do I even do..do I turn around or!?
  • They both face opposite directions.
  • Mika: Turns around and walks slowly towards him.
  • Yuu: Oh crap! *turns volume up*
  • Mika: *just a few more steps*
  • Yuu: *should I turn around!?!*
  • Mika: *one more step* (to himself) should I go!? I'm being too hesitant.
  • Yuu: *Breathes heavily* I'm doing it.
  • Mika: *I'm doing it*
  • Yuu: *turns head around and sits up*
  • Mika: *takes one more step and leans forward*
  • Their faces are only a centimeter apart.
  • Yuu: *face is completely dark red*
  • Mika: *just as red* Ha-happy birthday Yuu-chan!
  • Yuu: *pulls off headphones and stares into his eyes* No. Say what you said before.
  • Mika: Happy birthday-?
  • Yuu: No! I lov-
  • Mika: *realizes*
  • Yuu: *Breathes softly against Mika's lips* How long is this gonna take you?
  • Mika: *embarrassed*... I love you, Yuu-chan
  • Yuu: *scoots away* I love you too.
  • Mika: Eh!?! Why'd you move!? I thought we were having a moment! (Mutters) a really awkward one...
  • Yuu: Maybe on your birthday.
  • Mika: But it's yours. *Walks to door*
  • Yuu: *Eyes widen*
  • *door shuts*
  • Yuu: You're so different when you want something, Mikaela.
  • Mika: Happy birthday, Yuu-chan

craftersdust  asked:

So, can you write something like that: Reader and Bucky are close friends and whenever they need to hold hands, Bucky always holds her hand with his flesh hand and Reader thinks that his metal arm is so special and that's why he doesn't let her to hold it. After some time Reader can't stand that she finally decides to ask/complain why he doesn't let her and he says that if he holds her hand with his metal arm he cannot feel her warmness And he confesses his feelings for her and some major fluff?

the story was all in my head, perfect. but idk if it was translated into words. thanks for the request! and sorry if this isn’t what you had in mind. hopes it’s fluffly enough. reminder: I will be closing my requests on sunday (june 5th us est), so get them in if you have any! p.s. i cannot believe that i have been able to keep my promise and post every night.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 899

Warning: none

“Hold Me”

“Shit. There’s still five of them on the second floor,” you curse into the transmitter, warning Barnes of the enemy's’ location. “We can’t make a scene here, there’s too many civilians. They’re not going to care about the casualties.”
“What do you want to do?” Bucky asks, running up to your level. Once he finds you, the both of you made your way out of the building. “(Y/n), two of them are behind us.” Bucky catches up with you and is standing on your right. You glance behind you, and spot them. They were searching for the two of you.
You racked your brain for an idea. You couldn’t start a fight. One, because you had gotten what you came for. And two, because this place was full of civilians.
Then it came to you.
“Hold my hand,” you hiss at Barnes.
“What?” he questions. “Why?”
“Just hold my hand and kiss my cheek,” you whisper angrily. You were losing time.
“Fine,” he grumbles. He moves to your left and grabs your hand. Then he pulls you towards him and plants a kiss on your cheek, making sure to cover your face by holding your face in his hands.
Once the enemy is out of sight, he lets you go and pushes his hair out of his face.
“Let’s get out of here,” you sigh with relief.
“I’m at the northwest entrance,” Nat says through the transmitter.
“We’ll be right out.” Bucky, still going along with your plan, grabs your left hand and leads you out.
Inside the van, you look at Barnes, who is sitting directly in front of you. He’s looking at his hands, a confused look on his face. You were reflecting back on the mission. Why had he switched sides? Bucky catches you staring at him and speaks up.
“You alright?”
Shaken out of your thoughts, you focus on Bucky. Nodding slowly, you smile at him. “I’m fine…”
“You don’t look fine. What’s going on?” Barnes asks tenderly, taking a seat next to you. “Wanna talk?”
“It’s really nothing,” you say soullessly. “I was just thinking…” you trail off. Lost in your thoughts again, you think back on all the times he held your hand. It was mostly for missions, when you had to act like a couple or something. But he had always held you left hand. Did he not want you to touch his left hand? Frankly, you were curious about what his metal hand would feel like. So you always tried to hold his left hand, but he’d never let you. You weren’t going to ask though, he had his reasons, you supposed.
“Earth to (Y/n)?” Bucky teases, waving his hand in front of your face. “What are you thinking so deeply about?”
You bit your lip, afraid that if you ask, he’d get defensive. Looking up at him, you sigh and roll you eyes. Might as well ask.
“Can I ask you something?” you bring up carefully.
“Anything, doll.”
“Why don’t you let me hold your left hand?” you furrow your brows anxiously. “You don’t have to answer. I mean, if it’s like a personal thing, it’s fine…”
“No, it’s okay,” he interrupts your rambling. Taking a deep breath, he starts to explain. “It’s not a personal thing, it’s because…I want to be able to feel your hand whenever I hold it.”
You blink at him, not registering what he was trying to say. So he continues.
“I can’t with my left hand. I can feel your hand there, but I can’t feel it. My left hand, it’s…it’s cold and not…human. I don’t want you to touch this hand. When I hold your hand, I want to feel your warmth and your soft skin, because…well, I like you. ” He stops talking and looks at you expectantly.
You gape at him with a scrunched up nose. Did he just confess his feelings for you? Regaining your composure, you open your mouth to speak but nothing comes out. What the fuck were you supposed to say?
“I understand if you don’t feel the same way,” he says quietly. “I just had to…”
You grab him by his shirt and kiss him. Hard. He moans into your mouth, and you sink into him. When you pull apart, you reach for his metal hand and put it on your cheek.
“I like you too, Barnes,” you whisper. “But don’t think that you can’t hold me with this hand. It’s still a part of you, and I like every single inch of you.”
He looks affectionately at you, his eyes searching for any signs of fear. But there isn’t any. Reassured by your honesty, he leans in to kiss you.
“You guys know that I’m still here right?” Nat interrupts.
“Shut up Nat, we’re busy,” you joke.
“Really? You can’t wait until we’re home?” she teases.
Rolling your eyes, you kick the back of her seat. “You really want us to do this at home?”
“Where we can be loud and…” Bucky jokes.
“Oh my god. Fuck no, do not finish your sentence,” she shrieks. “Okay, now it’s in my head. Thanks.”
While you laugh, Bucky holds your hand with his left hand. You don’t say anything, but you smile at his touch. You put your head on his shoulder and close your eyes. Thank god you asked the question.

anonymous asked:

Ok but can u imagine curled up next to each other in bed and jimin's holding kook really tight and he can't sleep cuz "Hyung your're too warm I'm burning" and jimin's all "sorry baby, u know I love holding you, I can't help it"

Y E S. Jungkook secretly loves being held by Jimin though like why else would he crawl into his bed?? He claims it’s because Namjoon-hyung snores too much, and he’s not there for cuddles. But when Jimin sleepily wraps his arms around Jungkook, he instantly melts into it and revels in the way he fits under Jimin’s chin and how Jimin’s feet poke at his calves and how he’s in the perfect position to leave tiny kisses across Jimin’s collarbones and how Jimin squirms and giggles when he does so.

Jungkook likes being held where there are no cameras or no prying eyes, where it’s just him and Jimin in the darkness, just the closeness of the two of them, soft, steady breathing and tantalizing skin. And Jungkook feels so warm and safe and loved, even when Jimin swats him away because he’s too tired to fool around, because Jimin still pulls him in and holds him close and tells him he loves him.