why can't i have a prof like that

Heavenly Commentary: Deathly Hallows Pt1
  • Sirius: I can't believe he broke the mirror.
  • James: Didn't really need it, did he?
  • Sirius: Still. I liked that mirror.
  • ***
  • Lily: That's a nice little tribute.
  • Albus: Yes. Elphias always was a generous man. Although Rita Skeeters is far more thrilling.
  • James: Harry thinks otherwise.
  • Albus: He will learn the truth. That no one is without regret. Rita Skeeter was surprisingly quick.
  • Cedric: Even dead we can't get rid of her.
  • ***
  • James: I never thought I'd see Harry trying so hard to save these people. After everything they’ve done to him.
  • Lily: Our son is better than us both.
  • ***
  • James: That was downright emotional for Dudley.
  • Albus: I imagine that he is beginning to see through the veil of his youth. One’s parents are not always correct.
  • ***
  • James: The guard is all here.
  • Lily: Obviously. Oh yeah. How was Moony’s wedding?
  • Sirius: Simple. You know him. Not an extravagant bone in his body.
  • James: I'm betting Tonks got an extravagant bon-OW!
  • Lily: Shut up!
  • ***
  • Cedric: Seven Harry Potters fly out of a house. What does Voldemort do?
  • Albus: He will assume they will give the real Harry to Alastor. As he is the strongest wizard present. He is unable to understand that strength is not the factor here.
  • Sirius: I don't understand. Who is taking Harry?
  • Albus: Hagrid of course. There is no one there who loves Harry quite like Hagrid.
  • ***
  • James: Even dead you're right.
  • Albus: It appears not all habits die hard.
  • ***
  • Lily: I have a bad feeling. Nothing is ever this easy.
  • James: Oh shit. No!
  • Hedwig: Hoot hoot.
  • Cedric: Trust me. I know.
  • ***
  • James: I thought he was going to die.
  • Lily: How did Harry do that? He didn't look in any shape to defend himself.
  • Albus: I have my theories. But imagine the suspense if I choose not to share them.
  • Sirius: I never said this when we were alive but, you're a dick.
  • Alastor: I said that constantly.
  • Albus: Old friend! It's terrible to see you here. Welcome to the party.
  • Alastor: Where are we?
  • Albus: The next great adventure. Your appearance is rather disconcerting with two normal eyes.
  • ***
  • Lily: Poor George.
  • James: Everyone is going crazy. They've been betrayed.
  • Sirius: And of course Snape cursed his ear off. Part of the plan Albus?
  • Albus: Let's find out.
  • ***
  • Alastor: Grieve later fools. Fight the war now.
  • Cedric: Constant vigilance?
  • Alastor: Exactly.
  • ***
  • James: Remus says Harry is like me and yet he makes it sound like an insult.
  • Lily: Because it was. Something is broken inside of him.
  • ***
  • Sirius: They've done all this?
  • James: They're children going to war. What do you expect?
  • ***
  • Lily: That had the feeling of a kiss goodbye.
  • Alastor: Smart girl.
  • ***
  • James: Happy birthday harry.
  • Lily: He's all grown up now.
  • James: But he's still our boy.
  • ***
  • Sirius: You left them stuff?
  • Albus: But of course. A few trinkets I hope will be of use. Oh Rufus. If only you put this energy into helping me.
  • ***
  • James: The Snitch he swallowed. Damn it but that's genius.
  • Albus: Thank you.
  • Lily: “I open at the close”?
  • Albus: I have always appreciated a healthy use of theatricality.
  • ***
  • Lily: Of course Luna would recognise him. I really do adore that girl.
  • ***
  • James: Do you remember our wedding?
  • Lily: I'll never forget it.
  • James: I wish we could have had something like this. Not the rushed one we had.
  • Lily: It was perfect and I'll never think otherwise.
  • ***
  • Albus: Ah fate. It is always nice to know when one is on the right path.
  • Sirius: ...ok?
  • ***
  • Lily: Oh...Albus is this tr-
  • Alastor: Enough.
  • Cedric: But Prof-
  • Alastor: Enough! There are bigger problems right now.
  • James: The Ministry has fallen.
  • Cedric: Then it's over.
  • Albus: No Mr Diggory. Now it begins.
  • ***
  • Alastor: Excellent Miss Granger. She's prepared.
  • ***
  • Cedric: Why are they being so nice?
  • Sirius: It’s not actually mercy if they can't actually kill them.
  • ***
  • Albus: Charming, Alastor. But those would not stop Severus. Given his innocence they wouldn't need to.
  • Alastor: What?
  • Cedric: I'll fill you in.
  • Hedwig: Hoot.
  • ***
  • James: Oh man, do you remember that picture?
  • Sirius: Last day of our first year. We were children.
  • James: But not for very long
  • ***
  • Lily: I remember that letter. What happened to the rest of it?
  • James: Probably Snape. Greasy bastard.
  • Albus: ...
  • Sirius: Just because he's on a secret mission to save the world doesn't mean he can't be a bastard.
  • ***
  • Sirius: Regulus, oh God. You did...why didn't you tell me?
  • James: Like Hermione said. He was trying to protect you
  • Albus: Did you find your younger brother Mr Black?
  • Sirius: No.
  • Albus: Wherever he is, I honour him. I would never have been able to drink that potion alone.
  • ***
  • Lily: Oh Remus...no.
  • James: Why would he...
  • Lily: Har- oh no.
  • Sirius: Moony...
  • James: You did good Harry. You did the right thing.
  • ***
  • James: No. No!
  • Lily: NO! FUCK THAT BITCH! NOT AGAIN!
  • James: FINISH HER! END HER LIFE!
  • ***
  • Alastor: Fools! Do they think these kids are going to school?
  • Sirius: They don't think. Wow, Kreacher looks...happy.
  • Cedric: I guess that's what happens when you're treated with common decency.
  • ***
  • Lily: Do you think they're ready?
  • Alastor: As ready as they'll ever be.
  • ***
  • Sirius: Don't ask a teenage boy what he was doing in the bathroom, Hermione. You may not like the answer.
  • Lily: I swear I will hit you.
  • ***
  • Albus: Let the games begin.
  • ***
  • Lily: Those are muggle bodies. I think I'm going to be sick.
  • ***
  • James: That's why he was so eager to get to work. His wife is on trial.
  • Lily: It’s not a trial. It's a sentencing.
  • ***
  • Lily: Holy shit. It's her!
  • Cedric: Why can't they just take the locket and run?
  • James: Because they don't know if she still has it. And stealth is still needed.
  • Albus: Also because that man is the Minister himself.
  • ***
  • Alastor: I think I preferred it when Crouch Jnr had it.
  • ***
  • Cedric: Mr Weasley is terrifying.
  • James: I think Harry agrees.
  • ***
  • Lily: Well so much for stealth!
  • James: Don't look at me like that! He's your son too!
  • Sirius: They might actually make it out.
  • Lily: Crap! Yaxley has them! He's seen Grimmauld Place!
  • Cedric: So where are we now?
  • ***
  • Lily: Ron must be really afraid if he's stopped saying “Voldemort”.
  • Albus: Perhaps not the most foolish of precautions.
  • ***
  • Alastor: You know why he's after Gregorovitch, don't you Albus.
  • Albus: I do. I'm curious to see if it will work.
  • ***
  • Alastor: Not a Christian but I appreciate the effort Potter.
  • ***
  • James: Ron isn't holding up too well.
  • Alastor: Some people aren't cut out for field work.
  • ***
  • Lily: The sword...?
  • Albus: Indeed.
  • James: So where is it?
  • Albus: Therein lies the question.
  • ***
  • Lily: He left...
  • James: I can't believe it. He's gone...
  • ***
  • Cedric: That's it then. He can't find them. He's really gone.
  • Albus: Perhaps.
  • ***
  • James: He doesn't care about the sword. He wants to go home.
  • Lily: Back to where it all started.
  • ***
  • James: Welcome home Lily.
  • Lily: I never thought th- they built us a statue?
  • James: Damn right they did.
  • Sirius: Where’s my statue? Bastards.
  • James: Why would they build you one idiot? You helped kill us. Remember?
  • ***
  • Cedric: I thought Dumbledore would be here to see his family’s graves. But I'm guessing he's actually with them now so never mind.
  • ***
  • Lily: He's crying...
  • James: So are we...
  • ***
  • James: Do you think they would've gone to all this trouble if Voldemort hadn’t been defeated?
  • Lily: Of course not. We'd have been just three more victims.
  • ***
  • James: Something isn't right. Bathilda was the sharpest woman I've ever met.
  • Lily: And now she looks...dead.
  • Albus: That would be because she is indeed deceased.
  • Sirius: How could you know that?
  • Albus: I just came from visiting her.
  • Cedric: Then who is that?
  • Alastor: What, not who. And that is Bait.
  • ***
  • Sirius: Holy fucking shit!
  • James: Run Harry!
  • Lily: Hermione! That was close. What's wrong with him?
  • Albus: I believe he is trapped inside the memories of Voldemort. The memories associated with the last time he stood there.
  • Lily: Oh...
  • ***
  • James: Grindelwald?!?
  • ***
  • Lily: Do you have anything to say?
  • Albus: Keep watching.
  • ***
  • James: Is that a...
  • Lily: Snape. That's his patronus.
  • Cedric: How do you know?
  • Lily: Because that's mine.
  • ***
  • Lily: Take the Horcrux off. Take the Horcrux off. Take the Horcrux off.
  • James: Dammit Harry.
  • Cedric: This can't end well.
  • ***
  • Cedric: I take that back!
  • Sirius: About damn time Ron!
  • ***
  • Lily: Family.
  • ***
  • James: This is genuinely hilarious.
  • Cedric: Hermione is a badass.
  • Lily: So cute. They're all back together.
  • ***
  • Albus: Ah boys. I wish I was there to help. But alas I am not.
  • ***
  • Alastor: More breadcrumbs Albus? If you trust Severus so much why didn't you just give him a letter to send to them?
  • Albus: Old friend, in this matter, the journey is far more important than the goal itself.
  • ***
  • James: The Deathly Hallows?
  • Lily: What are they?
  • Sirius: A children's story.
  • Albus: I think you'll find, Mr Black, that most children's stories are based on truth.
  • ***
  • Alastor: They should never have come here!
  • Cedric: They took his daughter! He had no choice.
  • ***
  • Sirius: Albus...are the Hallows real?
  • Albus: They are.
  • Sirius: How do you know? How can you be sure?
  • Albus: Because I've held them all.
  • ***
  • Lily: I really hope you haven't just split them apart again.
  • Albus: They are behaving as I expected them to.
  • ***
  • Lily: Oh it’s good to hear them again.
  • Sirius: Keep the faith.
  • James: NO! Ah Harry don't use the name.
  • ***
  • Alastor: Stay calm. Stick to your story.
  • Cedric: Too late. They've been found out.
  • James: They're taking him to Voldemort.
  • Lily: I think Harry is with him already.
  • ***
  • Albus: Poor Draco. I tried to help him.
  • Sirius: No you did the bare minimum. If you really tried to help him then we wouldn't be watching this.
  • Albus: I do believe you're right. But necessity demanded.
  • ***
  • Lily: Oh God. They're going to torture her.
  • ***
  • James: The mirror?
  • Sirius: What use is that going to be?
  • ***
  • Sirius: Pettigrew! You treacherous bastard!
  • James: Wait! What? No!
  • Lily: ...he's dead. What just happened.
  • Albus: Love. Mercy. Forgiveness. Things such as these can forge terribly great magic. Harry spared Pettigrews life and created a debt. Peter's hand, a construct of pure magic, just repaid it.
  • ***
  • Sirius: He's not here.
  • James: I don't think he wanted to meet the two people he betrayed and the one he blackmailed.
  • Sirius: He's gotten smarter. But I think I'll hunt him down.
  • ***
  • Albus: Oh my...
  • Lily: He's coming! You have to go!
  • James: Woah that was close! DOBBY! Excellent timing!
  • Cedric: Shell Cottage. Nice na- oh no. Don't...
  • Dobby: Master Dumbledore sir. What has happened?
  • James: Dobby. We are Harry Potters parents. We've been watching you help our son for five years. You've been so noble. So brave.
  • Lily: We want you to know, we love you so much Dobby. And you will always be with friends here.
  • Dobby: Kind Miss has Harry Potters eyes.
  • ***
  • Dobby: Such kind words from Sirs and Misses. And Harry Potter is sad.
  • Lily: Of course he is sad. He loved you more than we do. He is your friend.
  • ***
  • James: I don't understand what's going on.
  • Lily: Me neither.
  • Alastor: Then why don't you both shut up and listen to your son explain it all?
  • ***
  • Albus: Harry. You amazing young man. I'm proud of you my boy.
  • James: You had the Elder Wand? You took it from Grindelwald?
  • Albus: I did.
  • Lily: And why not give it to Harry?
  • Albus: You must pay closer attention Mrs Potter.
  • ***
  • Cedric: So we're planning again. But this time to break into Gringotts.
  • James: Should be fun. Did Godric really steal the sword?
  • Albus: It’s quite possible. No human account would ever admit to it. And who's to say the goblin history isn't biased either.
  • Lily: You were a teacher right?
  • ***
  • James: You're back. Moony has a son.
  • Sirius: Well I’ll be dammed. Good for you mate.
  • Lily: He looks so happy.
  • ***
  • Alastor: Weasley. As subtle as ever.
  • Cedric: Hermione is the only one who appreciates subtlety. The other two prefer a wand to the face.
  • ***
  • Albus: Once more unto the breach
  • ***
  • James: I recognise his voice.
  • Lily: Travers is the one who almost killed me. And then you dropped your wand and beat him half to death.
  • Sirius: Potter, your laziness is biting your son in the arse. “Half to death” finish the job!
  • ***
  • Lily: He just used the Imperius Curse...
  • James: It was necessary.
  • Alastor: Be grateful he's managed to avoid killing anyone. What was your bodycount?
  • Lily: More than zero.
  • ***
  • Sirius: Dammit! This is the ministry all over again.
  • James: Onwards. Get the Horcrux.
  • ***
  • Lily: They’ve got i- GODDAMMIT GRIPHOOK!
  • Alastor: They should have never trusted the goblin!
  • James: They had no choice! Time to go son!
  • Lily: WHY DOES HE ALWAYS INSIST ON FLYING!
  • JAMES: WHY ARE YOU HITTING ME??
  • Lily: BECAUSE IT'S YOUR FAULT!
  • ***
  • Cedric: They did it. They got the cup.
  • Sirius: Lost the sword.
  • Albus: They did well. But now Tom Riddle will know what they are hunting.
  • James: He already knows. Now what?
  • Lily: To Hogwarts.
  • Dobby: Once again Harry Potter frees a poor and hurt creature. He is truly great.
  • Albus: You are correct Dobby. He really is.
  • ***
  • James: They're in trouble!
  • Sirius: They need to-
  • Albus: Brother.
  • ***
  • Lily: Your brother isn't being helpful.
  • Albus: He's worrying more about their safety than their success. He's a better man than I ever was.
  • ***
  • James: Oh...
  • Lily: Albus...oh Albus I'm so sorry.
  • Albus: I should introduce you to my family. They would like you. But that may have to wait. I believe we are about to go home.
  • ***
  • Alastor: The war came to Hogwarts.
  • Albus: And here it will end. Never tickle a sleeping dragon.
  • ***
  • James: Use them Harry. You need the help
  • ***
  • Sirius: Why would you step out from the cloak?
  • James: He can handle Alecto.
  • Lily: So can Luna.
  • ***
  • Lily: Oh good. He's used Cruciatus.
  • James: Let's just hope he doesn't need to use the last one.
  • ***
  • Sirius: Oh great. This dick.
  • James: Oh man! Look at Minnie go! Kick his ass!
  • Lily: They're on the same side!
  • Sirius: So?
  • ***
  • Sirius: I wish I was there. One last battle.
  • James: Me too Padfoot.
  • Sirius: Although...maybe not at this very moment.
  • Lily: This is so awkward. Jeez Fleur, really?
  • ***
  • Lily: Aww they made up.
  • Alastor: Just in time to die.
  • James: Death did not make you any cheerier did it?
  • ***
  • Cedric: See I’m impressed by the visual. But the fact that it’s always Slytherin versus the other three, seems to highlight a major problem in this school.
  • Albus: I agree Mr Diggory. A simple idea that has such permanent consequences.
  • ***
  • James: In the middle of a battle and he forgets what he's doing.
  • Lily: Has your attention span.
  • James: Why is it that every bad thing comes from me?
  • ***
  • Albus: The Grey Lady. Harry you marvelous young man.
  • Dobby: Ghost Miss Ravenclaw has always been kind to me.
  • Albus: Ah of course! Before he met with me. In case I escorted him out.
  • James: But where did he hide it?
  • Albus: I do not know. But I believe Harry does.
  • ***
  • Lily: Even now he is loyal to you.
  • ***
  • Cedric: Chamber of Secrets? Hell of a romantic date Ron.
  • Albus: Aaahh of course. These children are magnificent.
  • ***
  • Lily: It’s about damn time!
  • James: They're really going at it.
  • Alastor: Timing. Idiots.
  • ***
  • James: Sirius is following Tonks. Cedric and Alastor have gone to see other people.
  • Lily: I guess it's just us then.
  • Albus: Fitting in a way.
  • Dobby: Yes sir.
  • Hedwig: Hoot.
  • ***
  • Lily: These three again?
  • James: When are old school enemies not welcome?
  • ***
  • James: He just tried to kill Hermione...
  • Lily: Were we like this?
  • James: Probably.
  • ***
  • James: Fucking fiendfyre! You crazy bastard!
  • ***
  • Lily: We would never have tried to save them.
  • James: Speak for yourself. I saved Snape remember.
  • Lily: Oh shut up. They destroyed another Horcrux
  • ***
  • James: Oh no...
  • Lily: Hello Fred.
  • Fred: Blimey. You're the Potters! Professor Dumbledore! Oh hell!
  • James: Yes Fred you are dead. But if it makes you feel better, you can call me Prongs.
  • Fred: But my pare- YOU'RE JOKING!
  • Sirius: No he's not. I'm Padfoot. And this is Moony, who literally can’t duel to save his life.
  • Remus: I’d say it's good to see you Fred bu...James? Lily?
  • James: It’s good to see you old friend.
  • ***
  • Remus: It’s been years.
  • Lily: For you. Where’s Tonks?
  • Remus: Dolohov killed her after he did me. When Padfoot collected us she went to see Teddy.
  • ***
  • James: Let's go end this.
  • ***
  • Fred: This is chaos.
  • Alastor: This is war!
  • Fred: Mad Eye! You’re al- oh yeah I'm dead.
  • Sirius: You get used to it.
  • ***
  • Sirius: Dammit Hagrid!
  • Remus: Wonderful. Giants.
  • ***
  • James: Focus Harry. You can do this.
  • Lily: Luna! Bless your soul.
  • ***
  • Remus: I'm not sure how I feel about Voldemort using this place.
  • ***
  • Lily: Oh God. Snape, run!
  • James: Too late.
  • Remus: What is he doing?
  • Albus: That's a memory.
  • Severus: Albus? Where are w- Lily??
  • Sirius: You sonofa-
  • James: Motherf-
  • Lily: QUIET! No one says a word until we see that memory.
  • Albus: If I may-
  • Lily: Not a word! You have both played with my sons life as if he were a piece in a game! No one has the right to talk until we see that memory!
  • ***
  • Lily: You bullied my son. And his friends. You went out of your way to torture and torment them. But you also risked your life for my son, every day for the last three years.I do not forgive you, but you can stay. For now.
  • Sirius: Wait what?
  • James: You heard her. But I swear, you pine after my wife even once and I'll punch you in the face.
  • Severus: I won't be here long. I want to see how it ends. After that, I will leave.
  • ***
  • Severus: It’s good to see you Lily.
  • Fred: He says after we just watched a montage based on sixteen years of his love for her.
  • Remus: Fred, shut up.
  • ***
  • Cedric: I thought you'd be more disturbed about Harry having to die.
  • Lily: I...
  • James: Don't think for a second that we aren’t being destroyed inside. But there is no choice. Our son has t-...
  • Lily: To defeat Voldemort, our son has to die. And we'll be here to greet him.
  • ***
  • James: He told Neville. About the snake.
  • Lily: Oh. It's Ginny.
  • ***
  • Sirius: The Snitch?
  • Albus: Excellent Harry. I imagine you four should get ready.
  • James: Ready for what?
  • ***
  • Cedric: The Stone! Harry was right!
  • Fred: What the hell is that thing?
  • Albus: Old and powerful magic.
  • ***
  • Lily: He dropped it!
  • James: Harry NO!
  • Lily: Wh-what just happened? Why did Voldemort fall?
  • Albus: EXCELLENT! HAHAHA! IT WORKED!
  • Severus: What did you do this time you mad old man?
  • Albus: My greatest work! My masterpiece! Engineered from beyond the grave!
  • Lily: Stop patting yourself on the back Dumbledore and tell me what happened to my son!!
  • Albus: Lily! James! Harry is alive! Now, let’s see if this works.
  • James: What? What are you muttering? What-WHERE DID HE GO?
  • ***(Due to Tumblr limits, the rest is under part 2)

Tech Rehearsal Highlights

1. Grace, who plays Arabian is still sick, so Hayden went on stage in the Arabian costume and Prof. X just went “just improvise here” and Hayden just did the weirdest shit ever

2. Angelina came down the stairs for Act 2 intro and looked like a fucking duck

3. Abby H. came on stage in the dewdrop tutu and went into the starting pose, then X just went “ok now go to the ending pose” and she just jumped into the stiffest, ugliest fourth position ever

4. For finale, even though there were 6 Spanish Corps girls, only two came out and Prof. X almost spontaneously combusted

5. During finale, X screamed “LOZEN” and then “no actually all of Russian” and I’ve never seen anyone looked more relieved in my life

6. Lozen figured out the adittude turn in fairy doll, 3 months after we finished that variation




Yeah tech tech rehearsal was a hot mess.

@ahalfeatensliceofpie @anabieltheangel

I’m going to fkcuing S C R E A M

why the hell do I keep having exams right after I already took one this is b u l l s h i t