why can't i eat you

the redbirds must have their due. oh you, wicked children who come close to the banks of the river, do you not know what waits for you? do you not hear them coming, wading, reaching out with blood red hands to tear you asunder, to eat you whole? is this not the fate that awaits you for your terrible deeds? the redbirds must eat. they must eat. they must feed.

THE FINAL BOSS: A CHILD-EATING BOOGEYMAN

A couple of years ago, I had a dream about a pretty frightening scenario concerning a race of strange creatures with origami birds for heads called Redbirds, who lived in the water and snatched any children who wandered by to eat them alive. My brain comes up with some pretty cool (but scarily weird) concepts, what can I say!

 I could imagine these origami killers (see what I did there) as a sort of grand antagonist in a short story - perhaps a mother needs to find a way to kill them for good before they set their sights on any other child who comes too close to the water…

anonymous asked:

Hey um... just out of curiosity, why can't you eat chocolate? Also I brought you some snickerdoodles - they seem like the kind of cookie you'd like, I thought...

It doesn’t agree with me– or maybe I don’t agree with it, haha!  Point is, just like a lot of drugs, it makes me feel funny in all the not funny ways.

Thank you for the cookies though, you’re a sweetheart. :)

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I need to know, because it’s almost unheard of that a sim of mine eats a quick meal, whether or not a werewolf still eats ice cream like a werewolf.  >_>;  Like… why.  It’s…. in a cylinder!

Has anyone thought the size of the ice cream tub in TS3 is like… rather ludicrous?  xD  Some people say there’s no such thing as too much ice cream but…. that is too much ice cream.  :x

OH MY GOD DON’T

ANDREI YOU’RE DRUNK.

THIS IS NOT HOW YOU WEREWOLF

STAHP

OH MY DEAR LORD THAT IS THE SINGLE MOST DIRTY THING YOU’VE EVER DONE AND YOU’VE–………… nvm.  >_>;

I DEMAND YOU CEASE.

FACEPALM LEVEL = MASTER

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                                  how much longer are you going to cry yourself silly?
                                                                    [ x x ]

Kuro 107.5: in which Vincent...

Is this super hot dude with this cool and mysterious aura…

Swirling his wine sophistically…

And debating philosophically about the ways of life…

Showing without a doubt his brilliant mind and instin–

…..

Vincent… I really tried to believe in you…

Steam Train Sentence Starters || Who's Your Daddy? Edition
  • "Where are you going?"
  • "I am the only father in this room."
  • "Stop eating the batteries!"
  • "I'm never gonna stop eating batteries, they are delicious."
  • "Suck on that, Daddy!"
  • "This time I'm gonna be the dad."
  • "So I just ate a shit ton of batteries. And they were delicious."
  • "Bad baby!"
  • "I wanna get in this trash can!"
  • "I'm just gonna refer to you as Daddy."
  • "Am I being a naughty baby, Daddy?"
  • "You're being a very naughty baby."
  • "Daddy, I'm eating trash."
  • "I'm creeping myself out right now."
  • "What the fuck!? There's a bath tub!?"
  • "You Hulk-ass baby!"
  • "Do you like this? I love this."
  • "Why am I always the daddy!?"
  • "Here, have a ball to play with."
  • "Please don't refer to me as Daddy."
  • "You are the worst son ever."
  • "You'll always be my daddy."
  • "Can you be my daddy?"
  • "I would love to be your daddy."
  • "Who's a sexy widdle baby?"
  • "I'm a sexy widdle baby."
  • "Don't you dare play that piano."
  • "______ is baby sitting my daughter and I am terrified."
  • "I'm a bad daddy!"
  • "Good luck getting into that oven, baby!"
  • "Get the fuck out of the way, Daddy!"
  • "Suck my nard, Daddy!"
  • "That is inappropriate talk."
  • "Go fuck yourself."
  • "Play for my amusement, child."
  • "I'm a sexy little baby and I'm gonna eat some fuckin' batteries."
  • "Did you lock that?"
  • "_______ looks like a big fucking muppet, you know?"
  • "Did you know babies can laugh?"
  • "I don't know but I'm gonna hit you in the fuckin' kneecaps."
  • "You can't fry yourself with a hammer."
  • "Did you eat those batteries?"
  • "Let's eat some goddamn batteries."
  • "Put down the hammer!"
  • "This is my room."
  • "It's my room now, bitch."
  • "This is a sexy room!"
  • "This is like American Psycho up in here!"
  • "As an actual father, now I'm upset."
  • "Can I throw things at you?"
  • "Do not eat that trash, _______, do not eat that trash, I swear to god, do not eat that fuckin' trash."
  • "I'm like the Duracell bunny up in this bitch!"
  • "Why are there bananas on the wall?"
  • "Being a parent is just to live in fear constantly."
  • "Having a kid is fucking terrifying."
  • "Why can't I pick up this baby?"
  • "Don't eat the batteries, goddammit."
  • "Do you wanna hear something fucked up that I bet you don't know?"
  • "I'm very uncomfortable with that. . . Actually I love it, what am I talking about?"
  • "Goddammit you took my fork!"
  • "I'm going upstairs so fuck you."
  • "She does not like to eat batteries."
  • "How are you going to get me out of this tub, asshole?"
  • "Tell me your qualifications for babysitting."
  • "I have watched a child for more than six hours without it dying."
  • "Now I'm gonna drop the fork in the toilet."
  • "I was gonna put a bucket over you but it didn't work."
  • "Mmmmm! Water! I love you!"
  • "Give me some pills, come on, be a man."
  • "You can die all you want, _______ is the one I'm really concerned with."
  • "Just because it's French, doesn't make it smart."
  • "Get over here, you little bastard."
  • "You're not my real dad, dad!"
  • "Do you want kids?"
  • "Well. . . I shouldn't have been a dick."
  • "I have zero confidence in your ability to babysit."
Cake
  • Me ( 6 years old ): cake cake cake !!!!
  • Brain : yeah ok
  • Me ( 7 years old ): I'll have cake
  • Brain : are you sure
  • Me ( 8 years old ): eh I don't really want cake but I'll eat it cause it's there
  • Brain : this is why your fat
  • Me ( 9 years old ): eh cake sure
  • Brain : why did you do that for god sakes do you want to be fat forever
  • Me ( 10 years old ): I'll have cake
  • Brain : I'll make you regret this
  • Me ( 11 years old ): no I won't have cake thank you though
  • Brain : good now soon you'll be beautiful
  • Me ( 12 years old ): no I don't like sweet foods
  • Brain : hahah your getting the hang of this
  • Me (13 years old): I want cake but I can't eat it
  • Brain : why don't you skip dinner too we both know you don't need food
  • Me ( 13 years old ): yes i do
  • Brain: we will see
  • Me (14 years ): nah I'm not hungry I'll make myself dinner later -- never makes dinner
  • Brain : told you so do you really need lunch though it's just a waste of time
  • Me ( 15 years old ): nah don't worry mum I've already had dinner out with my friends -- hasn't eaten since breakfast
  • Brain : good now let's just stop eating all together it just makes you fat you don't want that now do you
  • Me ( 15 years old ): that doesn't sound safe
  • Brain : don't worry trust me I've gotten you this far
  • Me ( 16 years old ): when was the last time I ate ... Last week god I need to extend this fast as long as I can to make up for that mistake
  • Brain : you should really eat more
  • Me ( 16 years old ): NO! I'll get fat !
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