So apparently, baby ducks can imprint. How what would happen is that one day Derek just walks into Deaton's clinic with about ten baby ducks in his arms, which had been following him around all day since they decided for some reason that he is their mom and refused to let him out of their sight .
Derek totally didn’t name them, but, “I think Patrice has abandonment issues.”
“Abandonment issues?” Deaton asked, blinking, and then “Patrice?”
Derek just glared, averting his gaze. Alright, so he had named him. But only because it made them easier to tell apart. “Yes,” he gritted through his teeth, holding out the baby ducks for Deaton to take. “I can’t look after them. So here, you have to take them.”
Deaton shook his head. “I think you’re doing just fine, Derek,” he said in a way that could either mean ‘fuck off’ or ‘these ducklings are part of some bigger plan that I’m not going to tell you about’ and then walked away. Just like that.
Later that evening, Stiles came home to find Derek….and several ducklings on his bed.
“Please tell me that’s not the pack,” was the first thing he said, panicked that he wasn’t feeling just as panicked about that scenario as he should be. He wasn’t going to lie and say the thought of Jackson being turned into a baby duck didn’t amuse him.
“No, it’s not the pack,” Derek answered, rolling his eyes, letting one crawl into his hands. “I think….” he frowned. “I don’t think they have…parents.”
“Oh?” Stiles asked, carefully watching Derek’s face.
“Yeah, “ Derek nodded, all serious and utterly adorable. “And….I don’t know what to do.” It was hard to read Derek most of the time, but Stiles thought he was getting better at it and this was definitely Derek speak for: ‘I found these baby animals and now I am scared I’m going to hurt them because I don’t have the best track record. SOS, send help, I am a tragic, brooding, beautiful mess’.
Okay, so maybe not the last part. But Stiles was definitely on to Derek.
Derek looked up at Stiles then, as if reading his thoughts, like Stiles had all the answers to the universe. Usually, Stiles was flattered when Derek came to him for help. Well, not flattered, per se. Smug. Smug was the word he’d use. He liked being smug around Derek, his own personal fucked up foreplay. But right now, something different was tingling in the pit of his stomach. He felt warm, and maybe just a little bit helpless. He wasn’t sure if it was a feeling he necessarily liked.
“Well, how about we start with a pond?” he suggested, leaning back against his bedroom door, resisting the urge to grab his phone and snap a picture.
“A pond?” Derek’s eyebrows shot up. “You mean, like, build a pond?” He started shaking his head, like the thought terrified him.
Silly, beautiful wolf.
Stiles shrugged. “Why not? You have the money, don’t you? Plus, I think they like you.” He winked and Derek flushed, right to the tips of his ears. Stiles laughed.
“Come on, sourwolf,” he grinned, shaking his head, picking up his backpack from where he had dumped it on the floor. “Let’s go make us a home.”
“It’s your turn to feed them,” Stiles groaned, turning in Derek’s arms.
He swore he could hear the ducks already quacking impatiently. “Please, babe, I’ll do anything if I don’t have to get up right now. I’ll even blow you. Twice. It’s so waaaaaarm.” He stretched, like the lazy cat he was, and smiled all the way down to his toes.
“Don’t call me ‘babe’,” was the only reply he received.
Stiles groaned again. “Sweetheart?” he tried, instead. “Honey? Chicken pot pie of my life?”
For that, his Derek Hale shaped cover was snatched away from him.
“What’s wrong with chicken pot pie???” he yelled, heart broken. Utterly, utterly heart broken. No, betrayed. Derek was mean.
“Nothing, if you want to stay married to me, noodle.”
Stiles grimaced. Okay, they’d work on their pet names for each other outside of sex later. They couldn’t just stick with ‘asshole’ - it was starting to lose its meaning when they fought.
Shoving a pillow in Derek’s face, because when was that ever not satisfying, Stiles crawled to the side of the bed - and because he had no dignity - rolled out of it. “See if you get any sex when I get back,” he called over his shoulder, grabbing Derek’s boxers on the way out of the door.
Derek only grinned when Stiles looked back, already falling back to sleep.
Stiles refused to find it adorable.