why are you still here

I'm sorry

for all the times I can’t think of a things to say
for when I talk too much about things you clearly don’t care about
for when I don’t put in the effort we both know I could
for when I make it worse
for responding too quickly
for singing too loudly
for laughing too obnoxiously
for letting myself get so fat
for being too clingy
for not understanding
for trying to understand
for bothering you when you’re busy
for over reacting
for being bad at everything
for messing everything up
for not being able to hold a conversation

I’m so infinitely sorry for being me

9

The marks appear halfway through the third trimester of her first year at Dupont. Alya had just gotten out of the shower when she spots it in her bathroom mirror. Etched into the skin beneath her right shoulder blade, the words follow a curved trail along her spine in tiny cursive. It takes the combined help of her Ladybug compact mirror, her camera phone, and a whole lot of squinting for her to finally make out what it says:

“while loving someone deeply gives you courage”

No capitalizations. No punctuation marks. No hint of whether the phrase begins or ends the rest of the sentence.

-the writing on our skin by @charme-miraculeux

Inspired by the wonderful soulmate story written by Justine!! If you have not read it yet, I would strongly recommend it! You can read it on tumblr here or on ao3 here!

SENTENCE STARTERS (life-threatening/dangerous situations)

“ Thank you, but I could’ve done it myself somehow. “
“ I seriously don’t know what I would’ve done without you … “
“ So, that’s your thing, huh? Risking your life saving strangers? “
“ That was close! “
“ Do you realize how crazy that was? You could’ve get yourself hurt! “
“ That was fun! Let’s do it again sometime! “
“ There’s no way I’m going back in there! “
“ Wait! You can’t just leave me like this! “
“ It hurts… P-please… just make it end… “
“ I thought I’d never see you again! “
“ Thank god, you’re alive! “
“ I thought you were dead! “
“ You! Don’t you EVER do that again! “
“ Why are you still here? “
“ Just leave already … “
“ Can we please just keep moving? “
“ Why are you always so damn stubborn? “
“ And that’s exactly the kind of attitude, that’s going to get you/us killed. “
“ I don’t want to say I’ve told you so but … I kinda did. “
“ Don’t you remember? “
“ What happened? You look awful! “
“ Would you please just let me take a closer look? “
“ It’s nothing. I’m fine! “
“ Take it off! I can’t help you, if I can’t see it. “
“ We’re going to die. Simple as that. “
“ Just… stay still! It won’t take long. “
“ This might hurt a little… “
“ Please don’t die on me! “
“ Get it off your mind! I’m not leaving you behind! “
“ Don’t move! I’m going to get help! “
“ So, I guess that’s it. There’s no way out of here. “
“ We’re stuck! Give it up already! “
“ We’ll find a way. We always do. “
“ WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?! “
“ Please tell me that’s not your blood! “
“ You’re bleeding! “

Cute OTP prompts are nice...

But what about the bad days?

  • Who loses it first in a fight? Who starts yelling first?
  • Who puts their head down and just takes it, because they know the other just needs to get it out?
  • Who slams doors and yells and stomps away?
  • Or do they sigh and their shoulders slump, as they walk away, quietly shutting the door behind them? Because sometimes the silent disappointment is worse than any yelling
  • Who sleeps on the couch?
  • And who breaks the silent treatment first, apologising and begging for a hug?
  • Who breaks down into sobs, saying they aren’t worth it and why are you still here? And who is the one that hold the other, tells them they’re beautiful and that it’s going to be okay, because at the end of the day some stupid fight shouldn’t ruin years of smiles and happiness?
  • Is the makeup sex hard and rough and loud pinned up against the wall, biting and sucking marks into each other’s necks because this person is mine dammit
  • Or is soft kisses and apologies, gentle caresses and touches? Is it telling the other they’re beautiful and amazing and deserve to be loved?

Because lets be honest, relationships aren’t perfect, but what’s perfect is putting all that aside and loving each other no matter what

The Tenth Floor pt 1

Min Yoongi had gone through 34 secretaries in the past 24 months, and each one of them left in tears. This fact alone should have warned you against taking the job, but the pay was too good to pass up. Surely you could put up with a billionaires temper-tantrums, right?

Reader x Yoongi

Genre: Fluff, humor, probably some angst

Warnings: Strong language at times


You certainly looked the part. Dress slacks, light-blue blouse, a blazer with the sleeves rolled up once. You were even wearing heels, much to your distaste. You had bought your slacks at a consignment store cheap, and they fit other than the length. You planned to either have them hemmed or buy new ones as soon as you got your first pay check, but for now you would have to survive without practical shoes.

The elevator you were standing in was basically a box of mirrors, and everywhere you looked you saw yourself. It was a little disconcerting, so you tried to focus on your phone. You felt the elevator stop, and you glanced up at the numbers on the wall. You were only on the fifth floor, so you guessed someone else must be going up as well.

You were right, and watched as two young men stepped into the elevator with you. The taller of the two gave you a smile as the other almost pressed the button for the tenth floor, noticed it was already lit up, and dropped his hand.

“You must be the new secretary.” He commented, and you raised your eyebrows.

“Yeah, how did you—“

“We know everyone on the tenth floor.” The taller man replied. “My name’s Seokjin, by the way.” He held out his hand for you to shake.

“Nice to meet you.” You said, giving them both a smile. “I look forward to getting to know you both.”

“Don’t count on it.” The second man snorted.

Seokjin shot the other man a look, and hit his arm lightly. “Jimin, don’t scare the girl off on her first day.” Jimin shrugged, unperturbed.

“What do you mean, ‘don’t count on it’?” You asked, and Jimin smiled.

“I mean, you won’t be around long enough to get to know us.” He looked over to Seokjin. “I’d give her a week, tops.”

Seokjin sighed. “Such a pessimist.” He chided before sizing you up. “She’ll last a month.”

Keep reading

i think the most messed up part about it all is how you still linger even though you left. i’m beginning to find myself unable to even talk to new people without stopping and remembering that they’re not you. like the laughter dies and bubbles deep in my stomach, my tongue curls back and i retreat, closed mouth, eyes lowered. and i know that confuses people when i suddenly become distant, but, yeah, i still can’t enjoy myself or others anymore and dive into new friendships because i know i will never reach that same level of intimacy that i did with you. and that’s partly because there’s no one in the world that’s going to take your place, and that’s partly because you took advantage of my trust and generosity and now i can’t ever pour my entirety into any relationship anymore for fear it’ll be too much for them like it was too much for you. too much and too ugly. you said it would be better if you would leave, so why are you still here in everything i do?
—  god, you said this would be the last time i’d hear from you, but i should have known that you wouldn’t suddenly stop lying now

it’s really sucks that a lot of discussions about respecting older fans in fandom has turned into white women saying they should have the freedom to go back to being able to perpetuate racist and toxic shit without consequence, but we really need to recognise the older women of colour (especially Black women, holy shit, especially Black women they were holding the line long before the rest us of and have been doing so much good work) who have been in fandom for 10-20+ years and have guided these discussions surrounding race in fan spaces.  (i wasn’t an active participant back then as i was now, so i’m not going to claim their legacy as my own but i am speaking as long-time woc in fandom)

older fans of colour - who were predominantly Black women, with a few non-black women of colour, and maybe what few white allies they had - started conversations about race and representation in media a long damn time ago. what tumblr does today is simply continue it. everyone who’s ever talked about racism in fandom discourse needs to recognise the foundations on which they’re building on. 

and i’m not saying that the conversations on tumblr are unimportant, or that the conversations back then were non-problematic, but it is still the labour and legacy of fans of colour that created that small part of fandom history, who used tooth and nail to carve out a space for themselves. 

conversations about racism in fandom and media are not new. conversations about how poc in media are erased, sidelined, brutalised, neglected, how poc in fandom are silenced and attacked, conversations about whitewashing and misogynoir in fandom - none of this is new. they’ve just been comparably difficult to find and spread before, because on previous platforms these discussions wouldn’t spread to different fandoms and communities as easily. they were not popular or easy discussions to have, white fans were not happy to be made aware of how their own behaviours were racist. and so a lot of it was ignored or silenced, if not ending in personal attacks, social ostracisation and flame wars. 

while civil conversations exited, they never gained the same amount of traction due to the limits of how blogging mediums worked at the time. these issues flared and died, but you can bet that they’ve been around for as long as fandom itself has.

we’re able to talk about the mistreatment, racism, misgynoir, anti-semitism and whitewashing etc, etc, in fandom today because we’re carrying on old conversation instead of building from scratch.

i’m hitting 30 in a couple of years time, at which point i’ll have been in fandom for 15 years. i’m critical to tumblr’s cries for ideological purity, but in general i’m not opposed to the direction fandom is heading in, if it means that it becomes more inclusive for more younger marginalised fans. but for the first handful of years of that time, i was ignorant and racist as shit, i had very little awareness of my own internalised prejudices, and i perpetuated a lot of shitty opinions. but i looked to fans of colour who were older than me for guidance and read their discussions about fandom politics and prejudices, i decided to learn and i am honestly so goddamn grateful that they existed.

there’s been a slow paradigm shift over the years. it’s still not great how much white fandom still focus on white men and idolise white women over poc, but people are talking about it more. which means that those discussions have gained tract and white fans are forced to be more and more aware of the racism they perpetuate. i’m not always comfortable with how tumblr goes about it, i generally dislike most of the Discourse, but it’s still more awareness than what it was when fandom was on LJ.

and the sole reason we have that is because older fans carried on those conversations and refused to let these issues die out. so if you’re still saying shit like “if you’re 30+ why are you still in fandom”: they’re here because they built this fucking place

Give me a break.

Hii! I know it’s been forever since I wrote something and I’m very sorry. There’s been so much on my mind lately and so many things that made me feel overwhelmed and I just needed to sort it out. This is kind of very loosely based on ‘Love me or leave me’ by Little Mix because someone requested it. I hope you like it. I plan on writing a second part.xxx

“Well, maybe I don’t fucking care anymore!”
It seemed like his booming voice made the whole house vibrate. It seemed like it cut right through Y/N. His words felt like he took a knife and rammed it into her heart and to top it all off he twisted it slowly so the pain had time to spread.
These last weeks felt like nothing but pain for her. He was never home and even when he was he somehow wasn’t. She let him in and he pushed her away. He pushed her so far away she couldn’t feel him anymore.
“Why are you still here then!?”
She had had enough. If he didn’t care anymore he could walk out the door and never come back.
Harry scoffed, turned around and walked up the stairs. When he slammed the bedroom door shut Y/N could feel the last bit of connection between them slipping away completely.
It’s never been this harsh. They slammed doors and yelled hurtful things before but it’s never been like this. Somehow this felt final.
She didn’t know how it happened, how everything between them began to crumble. But it did.
She didn’t feel his loving touch in at least three months. She didn’t hear his loving words in at least three months.
They fought almost every day and when they didn’t fight they didn’t talk to each other at all. Mornings were spent alone and cold, both waking up at their own times without a good morning kiss or a cuddle or anything at all. Nights were even worse. They went to sleep in the same bed but facing away from each other. They never solved their problems before bed. They broke their rule every single night and went to bed angry.
And even though right now Y/N might think it would be better if their paths would part she also knew she wouldn’t recover from it. Harry was the love of her life. She knew she could never be happy without him.
And so she broke down. Ugly sobs and fat tears. The whole weight of the last few months finally got too much and she couldn’t take it anymore. She was sure she’s never cried this much in her entire life. She was sure she never felt so hurt but numb at the same time before.
She didn’t know what the hell went wrong. What she did to push him away. What she did that made him stop loving her.
He doesn’t love you anymore.
Those were the words that constantly replayed in her head, after every fight.
He hates me.
She couldn’t find another explanation. That was the only reason she could think of as to why he wasn’t interested in fixing things between them.

When she met him she was sure he was the most wonderful person she’s ever met. He looked at her as if she was the most important thing on earth. He cooked the most delicious dinner for her. He held doors for her. He made her laugh and feel appreciated.
When she really got to know him she was knocked off her feet. He was the most gentle and loving man she could have ever imagined. He was there for her. He was the place she ran to when the world overwhelmed her. He was her happy place. Her home.
When things got a bit rough they stuck together. They were a team. They faced everything together and fought through it.
Y/N was the happiest girl ever. She thought she found her forever. Her happily ever after.
Until the perfect relationship began to change into great, then good, then normal and then…
Into whatever they had now.
She couldn’t take it anymore. And the worst thing was that there was no way out of this hell. They can’t go back to where they’ve once been. And parting ways? No fucking way could she survive without him.

It was three hours and twenty tissues later when Harry finally exited the bedroom and came down the stairs. Y/N was standing in front of the big living room window which had a view over what seemed like half of London. Her back was turned to Harry, her hair messy and her frame slightly shaking.
She knew that whatever would come now would change everything. She knew that they reached a point were something had to happen. Anything.
Harry took a deep breath and took the last few step towards her. Y/N closed her eyes when she felt his warmth. She hadn’t felt it in so long.
When he reached his hand out thread his fingers through hers she flinched. Harry could feel his heart breaking at her reaction to his touch. He closed the gap between them and pressed his chest flush against her back. That’s when Y/N started to cry again. Her whole body shook with the force of her tears and the whimpers and sobs seemed to get louder with every passing second.
“Shhh.” Harry tried to calm her and finally wrapped his arms around her from behind.
He nuzzled his face into her neck where she always smelled so good and that’s when he realized how long he hasn’t done that.
Y/N moved her arms so she could intertwine both her hands with his. She didn’t remember the last time she held his hand. She used to love his hands so much, always playing with his fingers and kissing his knuckles.
Harry kept pressing tiny kisses to her shoulder and squeezed her tighter to him every time a whimper left her lips.
They stood like that for at least ten minutes before Y/N turned around in his arms and hugged him again. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, his hands stroking softly over her back while her hands were fisting his shirt. She couldn’t get close enough. She needed him closer. Her hands wandered down underneath his shirt to touch his skin. Harry shuddered when her cold hands touched his skin but he knew she needed this. She hasn’t felt his skin in forever. It almost felt foreign.

When they finally pulled away from each other both of them were scared to let go. This couldn’t be it. They needed each other.
“We have to talk, Harry.” she whispered and pressed her forehead against his.
“I know, my love.”
My love. Was she still his love?
She thought he hated her.
They sat down at the kitchen table across from each other. Both of them couldn’t be fast enough to reach out for each other again and when their hands bumped against each other they both laughed softly. For the first time in months.
None of them wanted to be the first to say anything. Until Harry finally couldn’t take the silence anymore.
“I didn’t mean anything that I said earlier. Or… in the last few weeks. God, what is happening with us?”
“I don’t know, Harry. But it can’t keep going like this. I can’t take it anymore.”
“Me neither, love. I know I didn’t show how much it was affecting me but I want you to know that I feel just as broken as you do.”
Broken. Is that what they’ve become?
“I… I thought you hated me. During all these times you pulled away or turned your back towards me, I thought you hated me.”
Harry’s free hand reached out to hers so he could clasp her hand in both of his.
“I never ever hated you. Not for a second. And I never will.”
Y/N felt like a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders and she felt like she could breath again.
“I love you so much, darling.” Harry whimpered.
Her head snapped up so she could look at him and when she saw tears running down his cheek she reached over the table to wipe them away.
“I love you too, Harry. So much.”
Harry removed her hand from his face and pressed gentle kiss to ever knuckle.
“What are we going to do, love? I want to fix this. I want to go back to being the happiest couple ever. I want to go back to being happy with each other.”
“Me too, Harry. God, I’d do everything to get back to what we once had.”
They stared into each other’s eyes until Y/N cleared her throat and diverted her eyes to the table.
“I-I think we need a break.”
Harry’s whole world stopped in that moment. His mouth fell open and his brows furrowed. He pulled his hands from hers and a breathless ‘no’ left his lips.
“No.” He repeated after a moment.
“No way.”
“Harry, listen. I-”
“No!” he shouted.
Y/N flinched and her ears began to ring like every time he raised his voice at her. Her eyes closed and tears began to dribble down her cheeks.
“Do you think I’m stupid? I know exactly what’s going to happen when we do that. You’re going to realize just how unhappy I make you and that you are so sick and tired of me and you’ll never come back. Or you’ll find someone else who makes you laugh more than I ever did. God, I’m going to be gone for two weeks for promo. Is that not enough distance and space for you?!“
“Harry, I need time okay? I need time to take care of myself. I need time for sorting things out. I need time so that this all can work again and if you’re honest, you need it too.”
He laughed humorlessly and crossed his arms over his chest.
“You will have that time when I’m gone.”
“I-I don’t think two weeks are going to be enough.”
His eyes caught hers and she swore she’s never seen him look at her like that. So sad but angry at the same time.
“L-Longer?”
“Two weeks are nothing, Harry.”
“There’s been times when you couldn’t go a single day without me. There’s been times where two weeks without each other seemed like the end of the world.”
She closed her eyes and tried to control the tears which constantly blurred her sight.
“I don’t think we can sort anything out in two weeks.”
“I don’t think we can sort anything out when we’re away from each other.”
“Harry, please.”
He closed his eyes briefly and sighed.
“How long?”
“T-Two months?”
“No fucking way!”
This time it was Y/N’s turn to sigh.
“Harry, I-”
“One month. And not a single day longer.”
She caught his eyes for a moment before she nodded.
“Alright.”
They sat in silence for several minutes, both didn’t know what to say.
“I-I thought I’d stay in a hotel for the two weeks before you’re gone and then I’ll come back.”
“No.”
“Harry,-”
“No. Please, I-… I want to know you’re safe. You’ll stay here and I’ll stay with Gemma.”
“If that’s okay with you.”
“No, it’s actually not.”
She looked at him with the saddest eyes he ever saw and he shook his head and and sighed.
“I’m gonna go pack some stuff and then you won’t have to deal with me anymore.”
“Harry, I did not suggest a break because I want to get away from you as quickly as possible. I want to fix this. And I feel like some distance is the only way to sort things out. Or at least make the first step.”
He didn’t say anything but just left the kitchen and went upstairs to pack a few things. For some reason Y/N couldn’t help but feel guilty. Of course she knew he wouldn’t be happy with taking a break, she wasn’t either. But she hoped he could at least understand where she came from.

When he came down the stairs half an hour later with two big duffle bags Y/N almost felt like crying again. She watched him, how he placed them beside the front door, wiped his tears away, took a deep breath and turned around to make his way to the kitchen so he could say goodbye but she was already standing in the foyer. They stared at each other for a few moments before Harry cleared his throat and removed a greasy strand of hair from his face.
“I’ll go now, I guess.”
“Yeah.” Y/N nodded and sniffled.
He looked at her for another few seconds before he let out a frustrated sigh.
“Can I at least get a hug?”
He saw the surprise on her face but she nodded anyway and took the last few steps towards him. She slung her arms tightly around his neck and pressed her body tightly to his and Harry wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed her to his chest. He pressed kisses to her shoulder and neck and stroked over her back in gentle patterns.
When they pulled away a bit Y/N reached up to cup his cheeks and stroke over his skin.
“I love you. Nothing changed about that and nothing is going to change. I don’t want you to worry about me breaking up with you. I couldn’t imagine life without you.”
Harry pressed his forehead to hers and pulled her body even closer.
“Will you say goodbye when I’ll leave for New York? Don’t think I could leave without seeing you before.”
“I’ll think about it, okay?”
Harry sighed but nodded.
“C-Can I kiss you?” he asked her in a whisper.
She leaned in and connected her lips to his as an answer, his bottom lip slipping between hers. She kissed him four times before she pulled away a bit to look up at him again.
“I love you. You know that, right?”
She nodded and smiled softly at him.
“I love you, too.”
Harry gazed into her eyes for another few seconds before he pressed a few gentle kisses against her lips again. He pulled away from her then and took his duffle bags.
“I’ll let you know when I’ll leave for New York. You can call me or come over anytime you need, okay?”
“Okay. You can come over or call as well. Even if it’s the middle of the night.”
He nodded and opened the door.
“Take care, yeah?”
“You too, love.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
And just like that he left.

I know you love me because you’ve said it to me in every way imaginable and I know you mean it. Trust me, I do. God, I love you too. I love you more than I’ve loved the gentle caress of raindrops on my skin and the moon (my companion) in all her glory. I warned you so many times. I practically screamed at you to leave. Why are you still here? Why do you keep coming back and getting hurt? Why? I told you it was getting bad again. I told you it was going to get rough but your annoying persistence made you stick with me like glue. Now look at where we are. I’m about to break and your heart is pretty much in shambles. You’re still holding on to me. I don’t deserve everything you’re trying to do for me and you sure as hell don’t deserve being treated like this. I’m asking you again. Please, save yourself from the hurricane that I have become. I am destroying everything in my path and you’ve already been battered enough. Leave, be free, love again. Love, you have done so much for me but it’s time for you to let go. It’s time for you to save yourself. I love you and I am so sorry for everything. Goodbye.
—  dream-soluna 

Prompt Starters

  • “I haven’t found it but I’m still looking.”
  • “How long do you think we’ll make it?”
  • “The truth will set you free, that’s why I’m still here.”
  • “You make the perfect distraction.”
  • “Run away with me.”
  • “Will you catch me if I fall?”
  • “Stop being so stubborn!”
  • “That’s a horrible idea haven’t you seen horror movies?”
  • “You never did tell me if you found what you were looking for.”
  • “Are you a stalker or something?”
  • “If I die I’m totally haunting you.”
  • “Why do you sleep with a gun under your pillow?”
  • “You’re insane and I love it.”
  • “Is no one going to say anything about the trail of blood?”
  • “I’m not just doing this for you.”
college boyfriend!wonwoo;

Originally posted by hoshihoshy

  • my first piece for wonwoo!!! for this request
  • for some reason i was kinda struck with this idea of wonwoo while i was plotting and i can’t really get it out of my head
  • so in college, wonwoo is… elusive

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