Hypothetical Handplates scenario in which Sans realizes he can teach himself Common.
(Ugh, tumblr is making them blurry for some reason so I guess full-view if you want the not-blurry version??)
Convoluted explanation incoming. Handplates is an Undertale fancomic by @zarla-s and if you like Papyrus and Sans, go read it, is good stuff. So I guess this is an AU fancomic of an AU fancomic? I dunno, the idea wouldn’t leave my brain until I did something with it. So. Zarla did a Christmas doodle where Gaster gave the boys a box of ginger cookies that had the word COOKIES on the side in big letters, and because my job gives me way too much time to think about random stuff, I realized something.
In Handplates, Gaster taught the bros to read and write Wingdings but deliberately did not teach them monster Common (ie: English) so they can’t read his nametag or anything. Thing is, Wingdings is a 1:1 substitution cipher for English. Every Wingdings symbol exactly equals an English letter; it’s not a different language, just a different set of pictures. As somebody who has taught herself a fair number of substitution ciphers, there are a few things you look for when you’re trying to translate a code and you don’t have a key in front of you. Most notably, single-letter words (in English they will usually be A or I) or double letters next to each other. Like the OO in “COOKIES”.
Sans is smart. Gaster has fed them junk food before and odds are good Sans knows how to spell “COOKIES”. The word is on the box in huge letters and Gaster just said it out loud, so it is fresh in Sans’ mind. That double-O is a huge tip-off. He would put it together that the word on the front of the box matches what’s inside. Once you figure out a few of the letters, it becomes steadily easier to decode the rest.
I feel like Gaster exposes the boys to enough Common (the nametag, food wrappers, computer monitors, the books Sans sits on) that Sans could pick it up with a proper starting point. Papyrus probably not, because he had a hard enough time with Wingdings, but Sans is eager for any opportunity to undermine Gaster and I’m sure he’d jump at the chance. In this comic he elects not to tell Papyrus, though. He doesn’t know Gaster has cameras in the cell (or even what a camera is) but he’s figured out that Gaster can spy on them somehow, and the last time Gaster caught them learning something he didn’t like, Papyrus got the ever-loving hell beat out of him. So Sans keeps quiet about it for now. And thus starts the long-standing tradition of keeping important secrets from his brother.
On the technical side, it took me a freakin’ week to sketch and outline this whole thing. Coloring and shading only took me like a day. In the meantime Zarla actually kinda addressed the cookie comic, but this was almost done by then so oh well. I’m finding my poses and proportions turn out a LOT better when I’m doodling skeletons, like what, drawing basic anatomy will make you better at anatomy, you don’t say?? A lot of this was a self-challenge to see if I could imitate Zarla’s art style, and I referenced previous Handplates comics a lot for the backgrounds and Sans’ face. Full disclosure: Gaster’s pose up there is basically copied from Zarla’s original comic because I was rushing through to get on to the actual meat of the story. He’s just here for setup. I had fun trying to figure out how to do his Lost Soul head though. Also, I hate Papyrus’ face from the front. Also also, it was tricky trying to convey “mentally translating an unknown alphabet into a known one” when pretty much everyone who sees this comic is already familiar with the “unknown” one and not the “known” one, but I think I pulled it off.
TL;DR- I imitated somebody else’s style to do an AU of an AU; I am not Zarla; Zarla is the creator of Handplates and also Gaster’s pose in the first panel; I like ciphers too much and also I gave the cookies icing because that is the only kind of ginger cookie I know.
➾11.6k words ➾ lots of smut, some fluff, a little angst (just like this gif) ➾ warnings: pregnancy mention ➾ summary: the rules of becoming fuck buddies are as follows: no strings attached, don’t play jealousy games, and strictly no cuddling after sex. On a scale of how-fucked-are-you from one to ten, Jeon Jeongguk has you on a 9, in more ways than one.
Jeongguk, on top of being the nastiest fuckboy who just happens to have some
good dick, is a childish brat.
are so not your thing, and you feel like a fish out of water in the midst of so
many scantily clad girls and barely sober frat boys. You’ve been grabbed at
least 5 times now, only managing to narrowly escape their clutches the last
time, and you have to fight to keep your patience as you try and spot his big
head in the overcrowded frat house. You wouldn’t be here if not for his not so
thinly veiled threat over text.
Mood: wants to support the groups but doesn’t want to support companies that take advantage of young children and teenagers who would do anything to achieve their dreams and who get overworked, underpaid and abused 24/7
Can you imagine how aliens would react to us eating something that was made not to be eaten? Like peppers.
For those unaware, peppers are filled with Capsaicin, a chemical that causes a burning sensation when in comes in contact with tissue. Its basically Nature’s way of saying DON’T EAT ME!!! Yet we do it anyways. Imagine the conversation that follows.
“Those aren’t good for you”, said Trilli, as she watch her companion ingest strange triangular vegetables. Out of curiosity, she checked them with her scanner, and the results were disturbing.
“What do you mean?”, asked Bob as he was eating raw Jalapeños.
“It’s filled with capsaicin”, answered Trilli holding up a scanner to human Bob’s face.
“So?”, replied Bob, still eating his peppers.
“So, according to the scanner it is literally burning the inside of your mouth, causing immense pain, AND WHY ARE YOU STILL EATING THEM!?”, shouted Trilli, after moving the scanner away from human Bob’s face and realizing, that yes, he was indeed still eating his capsaicin-filled death vegetable.
“…well?”, questioned Trilli.
Bob swallowed, open his mouth, and replied, “I was hungry”.
DM: the trees around you begin to move
Bard: Can I eat them?
DM: no, why would you want to do that wtf
Bard: you wouldn’t let me bite the basilisk earlier soo…
DM: anyways it’s a giant rock monster attacking now
Your Muse is exploring a new educational complex and ends up with my Muse someway somehow. Send me an icon + a number to begin. (For reverse, send
with it and make do.)
🏩 - Your Muse strays away from the host and group and finds mine out in the rather large basketball court dancing gracefully and almost passionately to a tune on their phone and earbuds. They end up spotting yours after some time, send in a reaction.
“O-Oh my?! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to stare, it was just really nice!”
“That was beautiful..”
“Don’t stop, keep going.”
“Oh? You’re embarrassed?”
“It’s okay. I didn’t see anything.”
“How much you willing to pay to keep my mouth shut?”
“I.. Dance when I’m alone, too.”
“You’re not a professional, are you?”
“Could you teach me that too?”
“You’re a real treat for the eyes. I’m guessing you’ve heard that before though.”
- My Muse is singing carelessly in the room they share with yours. Your Muse walks in and catches them in the act without mine noticing.
“Whoa, do you need a cough drop?”
“..That’s really nice.”
“Chill out a bit! We’re in our room, not on Broadway!”
“Mind if i join? I love that song.”
“Oh? How often should i expect this?”
“…My name’s ___, glad we met on these terms..”
“Whoa, that’s amazing! Where’d you learn to sing like that?”
“You could sing a baby to sleep.”
“Do you take requests, professional singer?”
Say nothing and just listen.
- Our Muses are roommates. However, no matter how long they’ve been practically living together, they barely know one another. In a time of lonesomeness and boredom, your Muse finally decides it’s time to make a relationship with mine. Enter their room and begin.
“Hey.. How are you? What are you up too?”
“I’m heading out and i wanted to know if you wanted to come.”
“Um.. Hey.. Could we do something together?..”
“I made some sliced kiwi and have nothing to do with it so i was hoping we could eat it together?”
“Do you avoid me?.. Why don’t we know each other better?..”
“I have decided we’re becoming friends as of TODAY. We can’t keep living like this!”
“Can we talk?.. I’m lonely..”
“I heard about your plans later. Can i come?”
“Hey, it’s me, roommate. Remember you have me?.. I’m not just here to eat all your food and waste money, i wanna hang out SOMETIME.”
“Play with meeeeeeeee..”
- Your Muse is attending a new comers welcome party. Though it was fun, once food time had arrived, my Muse didn’t join anyone at the table, or all night to begin with. Allow your Muse to bring their plate and join them.
“Man, it’s dark in here. Why are you eating in the dark?”
“Aren’t you lonely? Don’t you wanna eat with everyone else?”
“Not a people person either huh?”
“Hey.. You alright? Not hungry?”
“I don’t know you very well, but, you seem nice, i wanna eat with you instead.”
“Well, i got lucky, looks like I’ll be sharing a private dinner with a cutie tonight.”
“I saw you ditch the table. May i have your name, lone-wolf?”
“I don’t want you to go hungry. Here. Just have mine.”
I fuckin hate saying shit like this. I hate it. but if you’re going to say how sad you are that we have lost half of the world’s population of fish since 1970, why do you still eat fish? if you’re worried about the fact that by 2020, 3/4th of the world’s wildlife will be gone, why the fuck are you not vegan? if you are against animal testing, why do you still use makeup brands that test on animals? if you say that you love animals, why do you eat them?
actions mean so much more than words, it’s so important to prove yourself. it isn’t hard. it is not that hard.
It’s here! Also heads up, the advice in this chapter is real, so if ever do go without food for a while, you should follow it. I’ll probably need it soon ironically enough, because it is officially too hot to keep anything down, so I’m living off liquids and the occasional fruit. Also @fallingineternity @parsnipit
Anxiety buried his head in his hands. And here he’d though this week couldn’t get any worse. But no.
The thing was, finding out that the others didn’t care had hurt, but had not been entirely unexpected. He’d just never wanted to admit it to himself before. So despite the pain this little experiment had caused, Anxiety would have been able to deal with it and let things go back to normal. And chances were, the others would have never noticed a thing.
But now, just when he had managed to accept that he was on his own, that he wasn’t the kind of person people wanted to be around, Prince had to come in. And now he was going to have to deal with all his bullshit guilt and pity, because while the other side may have hated him, but Anxiety knew that his hero complex wouldn’t let him leave Anxiety alone either, not when he thought Anxiety was in distress. It was the exact same attitude Prince got when he saw anyone he thought needed help.
Although, Anxiety really, really wished that for once Prince could leave off with all his heroic crap, because having him try and “help” Anxiety out of uncomfortable obligation was actually worse than the others not noticing him disappear for a week.
Still, at least it wouldn’t last long. A few days, heck maybe even just one, and Prince would remember just how much he hated being around Anxiety, and he’d give up. Till then, Anxiety might as well accept some of his help, like the soup.
Anxiety hated to admit it, but he had really screwed up on the whole not eating thing. Sure, this was hardly the first time he’d skipped meals, but he’d never skipped so many before. And if Prince knew how to help him recover from his mistake, then fine, Anxiety would let him help. Then Prince would feel appropriately heroic and leave, and Anxiety would go back to being forgotten.
Anxiety reached for the glass of water by his bedside, taking small sips until he’d drank the entire thing. He set it back on the bedside table. While he still felt like crap, his headache had eased up slightly.
He stifled a yawn. Despite having spent most of the last week sleeping, he still felt exhausted. Actually he felt more exhausted than when he’d last fallen asleep. Anxiety let his eyes close. What the hell, he was tired and it wasn’t like there was any point in getting up. He might as well sleep
When Anxiety woke up, it was to a cool sensation on his forehead. He squinted up as he reluctantly forced his eyelids to open. Prince was sitting next to him wiping down his forehead with a damp cloth.
“…the hell?” he muttered, only half awake.
“Your skin’s rather warm,” Prince explained briskly, “Likely from the dehydration. I brought an entire pitcher of water this time. I thought it would be easier, since until you recover more, walking will be rather difficult. Oh, and I have that soup I mentioned. I told Morality I’d had a craving and simply had to have minestrone soup. You should eat it while it’s still warm.”
Anxiety blinked trying to process the wave of words. Right, okay.
He forced himself upright, shoving away Prince’s hand as he did so. Prince let him without a fight, although he kept staring at Anxiety with a weird kind of intensity. Anxiety tried not to squirm under it.
“So you got minestrone?” he said, pressing his hands to his eyes trying to wake himself up more. God, he still felt tired, like his very bones were exhausted.
“Well, I realized once I reached Morality’s room that I don’t actually know what kinds of soup you like, and while chicken noodle may be an old standby, I also didn’t want Morality to start thinking I was coming down with something. And well, minestrone was the first kind of soup to pop into my head after that. I figured you’d probably be fine with it, correct?”
“Yeah, no, minestrone’s fine,” Anxiety mumbled. It was actually his favorite kind of soup, but he wasn’t going to give Princey the satisfaction of knowing that. He took the bowl and began to sip it carefully.
After a few minutes, he glanced up. Prince was still sitting on his bed.
“Did you want something?” he drawled.
“What do you like to eat?” Prince asked in reply.
Anxiety paused, setting down his spoon. What? His confusion must have shown on his face, because Prince clarified.
“Eating is going to be hard for a short while as your stomach readjusts to having food again, so there’s no point in making it an even worse struggle by making you eat food that you hate. So I’m asking you what you like to give me a better plan for your recovery.”
“I thought this was my recovery?” Anxiety said confused. “I mean, this will get me upright again, and then I can make my own food. Or at the very least go grab the leftovers Morality always leaves me in the fridge.”
“Of course this isn’t enough to fully recover!” Roman spluttered. “You haven’t eaten in a week! Wait, those leftovers were specifically for you?”
“Yeah,” Anxiety dragged out. “Why do you care- you’re the one that’s been eating them.”
“I will endeavor not to do so in the future,” Roman said, actually looking a little contrite. Then he flung his hands out dramatically. “But this is not the point! You can’t just eat one meal then be better, it takes time for you to recover your appetite. I doubt you’ll even be able to finish the soup. In fact, I imagine you must be feeling rather full right now, don’t you?”
Anxiety scowled down at his soup. There was still half of it left, but he couldn’t bring himself to eat much more. He hated that Roman was right.
Despite Anxiety’s lack of response, Roman was happy to continue on.
“What’s important is not for you to try and gorge yourself the minute you can walk again. Rather, I recommend having smaller meals every few hours or so. Bread would be a good thing to try and eat next. It’s solid food, unlike the soup, but not overly heavy, and the carbs will be good for you. Oh, and while it may still be too heavy for you right now, perhaps tomorrow we could add some peanut butter for protein. Do you like peanut butter?”
“You’ve seen me eat peanut butter” Anxiety said dryly. Dammit, so much for everything being over quickly. Still, he doubted Prince would feel this invested tomorrow. He’d just listen to the stupid diet plan, and work it all out on his own.
“You know,” Prince said thoughtfully, ignoring Anxiety’s last comment. “It’s probably faster just to ask which foods you don’t like.”
Anxiety rolled his eyes, but since he could see Prince staring at him with expectation, he reluctantly replied.
“I don’t like fish, and I’m not really huge vegetable person,” he muttered and then because he could see Prince gearing up for a lecture, he hastened to add. “I mean, they’re fine in things, I just don’t like them on their own. Um, aside from that, I’m not a huge mayonnaise person, but that’s about it.”
Prince nodded briskly.
“I’ll be sure to remember that,” he said. “For now, try and eat a little more if you can. If you can’t, just rest, and be sure to keep drinking the water I brought.”
“So I’m supposed to just stay in bed? All day” Anxiety asked, not at all happy about taking orders from Prince.
“And here I thought you enjoyed spending your days lazing away,” Prince said with some amusement in his voice. “But yes, pushing yourself and expending energy when your body’s running on nothing would be foolish.
“Well then can you at least grab my laptop,” Anxiety said, gesturing towards his desk, irritated that once again Prince had a point.
Prince deposited the device in his lap.
“I’ll be back later,” he said, and then with a hesitant smile. “Perhaps we could watch some Disney movies together?”
“Whatever,” Anxiety snapped, shoving his headphones over his head. Like he cared.
There was short pause, during which Anxiety kept his eyes firmly fixed on his screen. Then there was sigh and the sound of footsteps.
“Remember to drink water,” Prince called out one last time, as he shut the door.
Anxiety rolled his eyes. God this whole heroic act was annoying. He seriously wished that Prince would just go back to normal, instead of acting like he cared. This wasn’t a fairy tale, and Anxiety was no damsel in distress. Prince could go be the hero somewhere else.
AN: My contribution for Sakura’s birthday. Quickly jotted down on my extra long lunch break ^_^ Enjoy!
“This,” Sakura Uchiha grumbles as she drives her fist into the face of a particularly grimy bandit, “is not how I expected to spend my birthday.”
Sasuke makes a vaguely inquiring noise as he carries out a variation of his Shishi Rendan, sending his opponent flying through the air with several cracked bones.
“Never mind,” she mutters, ducking a clumsy kunai strike and using her attacker’s momentum to throw him over her shoulder.
The large band she and Sasuke have stumbled upon have been plaguing the nearby village for months, according to the inhabitants. They’ve take up residence on the only bridge in the area and have been charging travellers a toll to get by. Those who refuse have been violently robbed and left for dead, according to the warnings of several survivors.
It should have been the work of ten minutes to neutralise them and tie them up, but neither she nor Sasuke expected the majority of them to be former Kusa-nin. Even in this time of peace, missing-nin present a constant problem – especially those who made their livelihood pursuing war.
At least the Akatsuki had an actual purpose – these creeps just want to bleed people dry for their own benefit!
In the end, in the name of expedience rather than anything else, Sasuke traps them all in a genjutsu and Sakura rounds them all up. She’s kept the use of her strength to a minimum, not wanting to accidentally destroy the bridge they are trying to liberate.