Name: I care for you
Pairing: Severus Snape x reader
Summary: the reader is one of the students that get back to Hogwarts after the war, and she asks Snape (for a few months) to teach her Legilimency until he agrees. So, during one of the classes, she accidentally enters his mind and ends up learning that the love for Lily Evans was not as eternal as everyone was told.
A/N: And it is a little drama, but I promise a happy end. And I may do series. But I have no idea if I should.
“Miss Y/L/N,” Snape greets you in the evening, once you enter the classroom with the heavy bag on your shoulder. “I see you still haven’t given up on the idea of studying Legilimency.”
“Why would I, sir? It is exciting to spend every evening here.”
“Now, I am doing you a favor, miss, but that is not a reason to keep cajoling me,” Snape smiles with a corner of his mouth, then takes his wand out. “If we are done with the courtesy, shall we begin?”
“Yes, sir,” you stand up and take your wand out, ready to have him rush through your thoughts again and again. Luckily, Snape didn’t mean to hurt you, so he never went deep enough to touch on the painful memories of the war and the tortures, but he does go through your dreams. Quite embarrassing every once in a while.
“Legilimens!” and once again, you recent nightmare appears in front of you, and you feel that your legs start shaking from the repeating Crucio breaking your nerves. For some reason, recalling the Crucio does not hurt any less. A second later, Snape catches you, when you are about to fall on the floor, and helps you sit down. “Y/N? It is fine, I got you. I am sorry,” you breathe in, hissing something. Snape sits down next to you, looking at your face, frowning. “You still have this nightmare…”
“How did you guess?” you grumble, and momentarily regret it. “Excuse me, professor.”
“Y/N, I am not your Dean, but… Maybe you should see a professional to help you deal with these memories,” he hands you a glass of water, as you keep shaking your head, almost aggressively. “Y/N, you have same nightmare every night. Yet you keep coming here, so I keep making you live through it again. Do you care to explain why?”
“I want to be able to defend my mind,” you say dryly, standing up and taking your wand again. “Can we continue?” Snape raises his eyebrow, then stands up and points his wand at you.
“Protego!” you cast your spell, unconsciously using same spell as the one Harry said he used, even though he never said what happened after that. And he should have - a second later, you slip into Snape’s mind and regret it even too much. You try to pull back, but get totally stuck in his mind. You look around, trying to manage to get out of a dream. It is a dream - they feel more detached than usual memories, you’ve already memorized it from your own mind. The picture is mostly blurry, except for the two people, standing in front of you and holding hands. Before you see the faces of the people, you get pushed out of Snape’s mind and end up on the floor. Before Snape manages to murder you, you start apologizing. “Merlin, I am so, so sorry! Professor, I really didn’t mean to do that.”
“It is alright,” he helps you up, keeping his eyes away. “When you tried to pull out, you started panicing, instead of slowly slipping out. That is why you got stuck. If I didn’t push you out, you would lose yourself… Don’t use Protego when defending yourself in this situation.”
“I am still sorry…” you realize that he is not mad for some reason, so you allow yourself to go further. “Your dream… it felt lonely.”
“Because I am,” he answers calmly, either too tired or too deep in his thoughts to respond as usually.
“Aren’t you married?” Snape smiles, as if you said a funny joke. “What?”
“Discussing personal life of teachers, aren’t we, miss Y/L/N?”
“Sorry…” you look away, and he sighs before explaining.
“I am not a man that a girl would want to marry,” he sits on the table, the hands crossed on his chest. “My scars, my past… It is quite a burden.”
“Oh, I am sure a lot of girls would love to put up with it,” you grin, thinking of your classmates that have developed a crush on him. “And I know what I am talking about,” Snape hums, and you smile. “One more time?”
“I think you’ve had enough for today,” Snape declines the offer, putting his wand away and suddenly turning to you. “Would you like a cup of tea? It does help after going through the nightmares again… I would hate to disturb your mind and then abandon you for Peeves to annoy,” you smile and nod, as Snape leads you into his room, not magically turns the pot on, and puts the herbs in the teapot. You look around, realizing that it may be the one and only time when a student is allowed in Snape’s chambers. It’s usual - ordered, calm, no fried frogs on the walls or burnt human faces. “Surprised that it doesn’t look like a monster’s cave?” you realize that he is laughing at you. Funny, Severus Snape is laughing at a student for expecting his chambers to be so human.
“No, not at all,” you lie, as he pours the tea in two cup and puts one on the table in front of you.
“No poison whatsoever,” he says momentarily. “Only valerian. You have to calm down,” you nod and take a sip, then look at the table, understanding why you are here.
“I won’t talk about it,” everyone’s been convincing you to talk about how you felt, tortured with Cruciatus for hours. Neville was the only one who understood probably - he simply sat by your side, holding your shoulders when you were trying to breathe after a nightmare. At some point, you just started meeting on the Astronomy Tower every night, as you couldn’t sleep, and he was just there for you.
“I know,” Snape answers calmly, drinking his tea. “But I don’t want you sitting with Longbottom on the cold stones every night. You will get sick.”
“Neville helps me.”
“No,” Snape states coldly. “He supports you. You need a safe place. Definitely not your own room in Gryffindor tower, the exact place where you’ve been tortured,” you flinch, and Snape frowns. “It’s been a year and a half. It is time for you to be able to trust someone.”
“Neville, I know,” he nods. “Is that why you never let go of your wand?”
“You’re stalking me,” you murmur.
“I care for you, you little idiot!” he exclaims finally. “You don’t sleep, you don’t eat… I wonder how you still function.”
“I am functioning fine,” you stand up, attempting to leave, but Snape sighs and locks the door in front of your face. “Professor?”
“Y/N, stop being a child. Sit down,” you obediently sit down, your fist holding onto the wand, as if it’s your only escape. Snape notices it. “Girl, I am saving you. You have to let it go. Your nightmares get more and more intense, I find you outside, freezing in the winter, almost every night,” he sighs again, looking you straight in the eye. “I am sorry.”
“Why are you sorry? It’s my blood, not yours.”
“I was the headmaster, I had to know that they were doing that to you. I was my responsibility. One of.”
“You saved everyone else,” you murmur. “Someone had to be… the spare.”
“You are not the spare,” Snape confronts you quietly. “Not one child in this school is,” you don’t say anything, finishing your tea. “I don’t want you to stay in the Gryffindor Tower,” you raise your eyebrow. “I have contacted your Dean, and she said that you can stay in my chambers until we find a room for you.”
“Yes. I have two spare rooms, as the chambers are always prepared for the married teachers that may want their families to live with them. You literally will have your own room,” you still stare at him, and Snape snaps. “For Merlin’s sake! Let me fix the mistake I made!”
“Oh… You think that this,” you point at your head. “Is because of you?”
“I was the headmaster, trusted by Dumbledore to take care of the children. Yet here is one that not only I couldn’t save, but the one that is still unable to have a normal life because of it,” Snape’s face becomes deadly serious, as he stares at you. “I will help you.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I know,” he nods and stands up, handing you a key. A usual key, just like ones in the muggle world. “The left door is yours. Lock it, make it your own place. No one can enter this room without your permission, but you should feel safe.”
“I… I don’t know what to say,” you murmur.
“Promise me to sleep well tonight,” he asks you. “Just sleep. Drink tea if you must. Read or do whatever you do to fall asleep, but I have to know that you will get better,” you nod obediently.
“Thank you, sir.”
“It is my responsibility, miss,” he smiles slightly. “Good night now.”
“Good night, sir.”