why am i so proud of myself right now

Stupid

This was stupid

This whole thing, it was so stupid, and it made Annabeth feel stupid, and she wasn’t stupid, she was smart, gods damn it, so why couldn’t she do this? She should have been able to do this.

She only realised she was crying when a tear splashed on to the page of her textbook, blurring the black letters printed on the white page. That tear falling felt like conceding defeat, and soon enough she was crying in earnest, sobbing hard enough that the words became even less intelligible than they’d already been.

She put her head down on the book and let herself cry, feeling terribly stupid and sorry and frustrated. Her whole face felt hot, flushed with anger and annoyance - at this essay, at herself, at the fact that she was a daughter of the goddess of wisdom and she couldn’t seem to write a simple fucking essay.

When the door to her room opened she instinctively straightened, grabbing her dagger and spinning in her seat to face the intruder. When she saw who it was she immediately collapsed back onto the desk, face first, letting her dagger fall to the floor. 

She heard Percy shut the door behind himself. There were a few soft footsteps, and then a gentle hand on her shaking shoulder and a quiet question. “Annabeth, hey, what’s up?”

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“We never wanted to harm organics. …We wish to understand, not incite.”

|EDI| :: |Zaeed| 

Hot For Teacher [Rick Grimes x Reader]

Character: Rick Grimes

Word Count: 4,022

Prompt/Summary: High School/University AU 

Warnings: Smut, Language, Dirty Talk, Taboo Relationship, Unprotected Sex

Note: I’m baaacccckkkk! Sorry, it took me so long to start writing again, this pesky thing called real life kept getting in the way. Anyway, here is some STRAIGHT UP FILTH for @such-a-common-girl ‘s 1K Writing Challenge. Congrats Ana! No one deserves 1K more than you, girl! Enjoy!

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Summer before my senior year of high school I decided I really wanted to be a champion. I wanted to win, I wanted to be that athlete that always got articles in the newspapers and medals at every meet. That summer I trained the hardest I ever have in my whole life. Every morning I would wake up at 6:00 am to run 8 miles, or do a workout. On the weekends I would do a long run, my longest being 15 miles. I was totaling at least 50 miles each week and each day I would train by myself. Quietly hoping to come in that fall and be great. The first race of my cross country season I ran a 5k in a PR of 20:45. After that things went downhill. I got plantar fasciitis and struggled to simply walk around school. When I would run, my body was constantly fatigued and my foot would be in so much pain. I consistently ran around a 22-23 minute in all my 5ks and was placing no where even close to the top girls. I felt like my entire world was falling down around me. I gave up so much for this, I made so many sacrifices in every aspect of my life, especial socially, and it just wasn’t paying off. As indoor track started the plantar fasciitis went away but the fatigue in my body worsened. I hoped to break my PR of 12:02 in the 3200, but that season I struggled to break 13 minutes, only doing so a couple times. As I went into indoor track, I decided to see a doctor. Something wasn’t right. Sure enough I was anemic due to an iron deficiency. I started taking iron pills and my times got faster and faster and I got stronger and stronger. The picture shown above is me after I won my first race ever. That’s all I ever wanted… all of the passion, dedication, hard work, the early mornings of my pushing myself to run 6 mile repeats on the track alone, the nights of saying no to hanging out with my friends so I could get my sleep, finally it all paid off. It’s silly, I won the 1600 at a small meet with only a few teams running a 5:48 (pretty bad I know) but the whole feeling of winning was something I had always wanted. I couldn’t help but break down into tears after finishing. I am now in my freshman year of college and ran a 5k this season in 18:45. I go to a D2 school and came in hoping I would be top 7, but I am the 3rd place runner on my team right now. I have become a stronger and faster runner. I am proud of myself for continuing to dream even when it was hard. Things seemed hopeless, but you should never ever give up. It may take some time, sometimes years, for your hard work to pay off, but it will. This, right here, is why I run. I want the feeling of winning again and I am so determined to do it. I have 4 years in college to make it happen, and I know I can.

An edit to this: I ended my cross country season as an all american, placing 35th at d2 nationals. So far this indoor track season I have ran a 9:58 3k, 5:08 mile, and 17:28 5k. It’s amazing what can happen if you just believe!

Gift for @cats-artbag

I ABSOLUTELY love voicing SWAPOUT. Now i had a thought…
What if SwapoutPap met me. Im gonna guess he would be like. “boi, why.”

I AM SUPER PROUD OF THIS ONE!!! QnQ im honestly still trying to find what mouth imma use for myself. ugh. But that (swapyrus) though… YAAAS!!! I am SO happy about how it turned out…. your style is so interesting and i wanted to try it…

Swapout Papyrus: @cats-artbag
SwapDancePapyrus: Me/Tsupachi.

I say that I love moonbyul quite a lot and even if its maybe a little bit annoying to some of you its important to me to let it out somehow bc I cant tell her in person at a fanmeeting or simply yell it at her at a concert.

Byulyi is such a kind and gentle hearted person my heart aches sometimes. She has gone through so much shit just to make her dream come true and looking at everything we know about her way to get where she is now and the fact that there is probably so much we will never know.. I can just say how much I admire her. I dont know if I would have made it through all of this and especially if you consider what kind of person she is it must have hurt her a lot.

Thats why I am so happy that she seems to be in a rather good place right now, shes finally getting her well deserved attention and is being seen not only as the rapper of the group but also as a singer, what she always wanted to be.

No matter what shes always telling her fans how much they mean to her and tries to find the right words and cheer people up. I am thankful that I got to know her in the way I did and I am proud to call myself a fan of her.

She deserves so much love and I hope she is getting it, I hope even positive thoughts from the other side of the earth somehow get to her.

Moon Byulyi is an absolutely amazing and wonderful person and I love her a lot.

Now I can not tell you how much admiration and respect I have for Taehyung right now.

He was so professional during the promotions,always found the strength to get on that stage and perform flawlessly,not letting his own loss affect his job,his duties.A loss of his grandmother,a person that took care of him for 14 years,who raised him,who was home to him.He was going though so much and yet,he was still able to entertain us and put a smile for us.

He is such a brave,strong,precious boy who always had the aspiration to be a good son to his parents,a good grandson to the most important person.His grandma must have been so proud of the child she raised and I hope Taehyung receives all the support he need right now and finds peace soon.

That whole video honestly made me so emotional and I’m not really sure why. Yeah I’m proud of them obviously, but it was more than that. I really related to a lot of the things they said. And honestly??? I don’t know what that means. When they said “I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not” I actually started crying. I’ve questioned myself before and right now I’m really unsure. I wish I was like them and could be confident as myself.

Sanders Sides Sentence Starters

basically i made this instead of doing homework at some point so rip my education.

ep. 1 my true identity

“ do i really know myself as well as i should? “
“ i need to sit down myself myself , figure myself out , and maybe come to a better understanding that we all could learn from. “
“ believe it or not i was quite the nerd in school.”
“ greetings wonderful citizens and you nerds. “
“ what’s goin on , kiddos? “
“ one day someone will accept us , flaws and all. until that day i shall learn to love myself. ”
“ um are we bringing up flaws now , because if so , get ready to take a lot of notes. ”
“ nope nope we are not talking about fears i am well aware of those. “
“ hey! we have the same glasses. “
“ where do babies come from? i know it has something to do with storks um but after that … “

ep. 2 way too adult

“ hi my name is ______ and yes i have worn this shirt for the fifteenth million time let’s move on! “
“ do you know how often you say you can’t cook? lots of times. do you know how often you try to learn how to cook? zero times. “
“ not true , there was that one time a few months ago .. you’re right , it’s already a bad sign that i have to go back that far. “
“ i am literally failing at the process of becoming an adult - which we all know it referred to as adultery. “
“ i treat the stove in my kitchen like a friend i’ve been neglecting. “
“ you should probably stop showing people your well … one problem at a time. “
“ remember , you’re a real pizza - work. “
“ i wish you the best of luck in your adultery. “

ep. 3 taking on anxiety w/ lilly singh

“ i said fork why was that bleeped? “
“ i’m sorry was i not wanted at this exact second? “
“ what are you doing wrong? what are you forgetting to do? “
“ right now i hope and dream to get rid of my anxiety. “
“ oookay , can’t stand that guy. “
“ he / she / they won’t let me go to bed without thinking about something i did seven years ago. “
“ this is actually a really good episode.”
“ you’re just mad because i came from a my chemical romance concert. “

ep. 4 a new year of lying to myself .. in song

“ it’s the beginning of the year which means we … make new years resolutions? “
“ wait a second this is my turn , this is the video where i come to help. “
“ what about learning to cook , and all those other steps toward proper adultery? “
“ i get what you two are saying , and i do care about that , but here’s the thing … i don’t really care about that. “
“ you’re the least popular character and you know it. “
“ ugh , i do not like you. “
“ i won’t do so much riffing. “
“ ha , lie. “
“ i won’t sing so many disney songs. “
“ resolutions are nothing more than empty promises to yourself. “
“ you can’t always rely on a catchy tune to solve your problems. “
“ see this was my video. i helped. just me. no one else. “
“ my new years resolution is 1080p. “
“ you are an emo nightmare. “

ep. 5 the dark side of disney

“ i dispise carrots. “
“ did someone say prince? “
“ did someone say atrocious?”
“ really? this is where you cross the line? “
“ why are you only quoting mary poppins? “
“ because julie andrews is a beautiful goddess and because i can okay??? “
“ sure , just literally wait around your entire life subjecting yourself to the cruelty of your ungrateful , ignorant family members until some magical fairy comes along to save you. don’t take action yourself. “
“ not to mention men can’t memorize the face of a woman they’ve been dancing around  with for hours they have to rely on the shoe ergo , men are idiots. “
“ yeah , i’m a hufflepuff i tend to run away from every situation. “
“ don’t make all hufflepuffs out to be like that. “
“ what’s with all the prince hate? “
“ also when elsa passes away , olaf’s gonna die too because the magic will be gone so just prolong the inevitable? “
“ and they can get what they want by lying and deceiving their way right into the castle and getting the princess. “
“ i know what you’re gonna say : stockholm syndrome. “
“ man is dangerous. “
“ white man is dangerous. “
“ well now we’re back the lack of consent with sleeping woman. “
“ still don’t like you. “
“ there’s never a wrong time to dress in drag and do the hula. “

ep. 6 i’m in a disney show

“ pleanty of things have been happening recently that have had me asking ‘ is this my real life? ‘“
“ i tried squid … gotta stop ending on the boring one. “
“ you know why i’m here i love disney. “
“ i just want to support you in everything you do … plus i saw you had some leftover pizza. “
“ you make wrong choices. “
“ which is kinda a coincidence because ____ also - i just realized it’s not a coincidence i’ll stop talking. “
“ well dad ain’t right. “
“ can you like stop for once in your life? “
“ next step : becoming a disney prince. “
“ what? i know your limits that’s all i was saying. stop looking at me like that. “
“ misleading compliments are just click baiting insults. “

ep. 7 the mind vs. the heart

“ today i’ve come upon a very important break through in my life : i am an indecisive mess. “
“ usually it’s your pop who pops in on you. “
“ adopt them. “
“ buy a bigger house! c’mon though bigger house means more dogs. am i right? no? i’m getting worse? i’m sorry. “
“ did you just make a dad joke? “
“ please don’t be proud. or tell anyone. “

ep. 8 alone on valentines day

“ roses are red , violets are blue , sunflowers are yellow , tulips come in all sorts of colors , so do roses , i really like flowers , daffodils are also yellow. “
“ do you have a date? i don’t. and i don’t know where i’m going to get one. “
“ i know big words too. saxophone. “
“ i got an idea : don’t. don’t even try. “
“ as humans, one possible objective is to procreate. “
“ would you like to copulate with me? “
“ you know what people like? bagels! “
“ this was the whole problem he was trying to circumnavigate. “
“ you can’t just touch people. “
“ wow , this is horrible. i never realized how stupid and untalented you are.”
“ well , i’m hopelessly crushed. “
“ not talk about me? “
“ you find out what might be making their life difficult … and you kill it. “
“ in no reality would this be your situation. “
“ you’re upsetting him / her / them. “
“ i’m feeling all types of bad. “
“ i wasn’t trying to help. “
“ if i could give you butterfly kisses do you know what those are? with the eyelashes? “
“ your existence is inconsequential , i mean unimportant , i mean good. “
“ you’re all so handsome , just not as handsome as me. “
“ aw , you think i’m hot. “
“ his / her / their face is so red behind that white foundation! “

ep. 9 losing my motivation

“ home maintenance is not a joke. “
“ i’m just a textbook procrastinator. “
“ oh no, you procrastinate on much more than just reading textbooks. “
“ no you can’t play with us! “
“ okay, yeah, you’re gonna let him play. “
“ no , i found a dollar in my pocket! it was in my cardigan since my character was first introduced. “
“ you actually look in a mirror to put that on? “
“ can’t be a bad video if you never make one. “
“ when in doubt , remember that everything we do is all pointless anyway. “
“ elementary my dear … daddy. “
“ i’m not always the bad guy. “
“ ____ and i are playing dress up , ____ is making us question are existence , and i found a dollar. “
“ ha , i like that nickname and i’m gonna use it now. “
“ i am a knight , thank you very much. “
“ feelings. the bane of my existence. “
“ this is a bigger ending twist than the oscars. “
“ how dare you speak to sir sing-a-long that way. “

ep. 10 my personality q & a

“ i’m with pouty mcspecks. “
“ don’t screw it up. “
“ i love word association games. “
“ why do flamingos sleep with one leg up? because if they slept with both legs up they would fall over! “
“ do you know how birds fly in a v formation and a lot of times one side in longer than the other do you know why that is? because there are more birds on that side! “
“ from rags to riches she’s the baddest of - “
“ bippity boppity booya. “
“ i am on a solo quest to help save myself for right now. “
“ i am the walrus. “
“ now i know you intended to hurt my feelings but i am just so darn proud of you that you made a dad joke. “
“ eat a cookie. and when i’m feeling dangerous … eat a second cookie. “
“ i basically just listen to the campfire song song from spongebob on repeat. “
“ i gotta say , you impress me … by being a clueless moron all of the time. “
“ i am done. i am done here. i am done with all of you. “
“ i know big words. “

ep. 11 am i original

“ sometimes i just gotta be me … an. “
“ one option , and i’m just throwing this out there , is to hide under the covers until the sun goes away. “
“ i am not some bread roll to hold you over while you wait for your dinner , i am the main course. “
“ pew pew brainstorm. “
“ i’m just glad that when you called me i had my pants on - no i don’t. “
“ that is a good example of a horrible suggestion. “
“ is this why princey spit yogurt at me yesterday? “
“ i’m always serious. clearly. i wear a necktie. “
“ i’m not saying we fight physically , although i certainly would win. “
“ you’re next , i have just decided. “
“ wow i am baaaad as this game … that’s a sheep. “
“ quiet you jerky mcjerk face. “
“ it felt weird , you calling me princey when it was serious talk time. “
“ hey ___? you’re my hero. “

ep. 12 my negative thinking

“ i don’t even know if i want to think about it … you know what yes i do. “
“ i am trying to learn a particular phrase in a multitude of languages. “
“ it’s way more work than it should be. “
“ ah you’re using lin manuel miranda’s words against me! “
“ a cream based broth will upset princey’s stomach. “
“ coginis disportion. “
“ hogindas dispersions. “
“ i don’t know what you’re saying. “
“ i would write an angsty sonnet illustrating my contempt for you if i actually cared enough about what you were saying right now. “
“ i am ___ , your supplier of semi-humors tumblr posts at three in the morning. “
“ you’re right. i’m an adult. me me big boy. “
“ he / she / they made me feel itty bitty butterflies in my tummy and sunshine in my heart. “
“ that’s tbd : totally believable dude. “
“ i’m sorry did he / she / they just hiss at me? “
“ time to panic and / or cry. “
“ your mom is preposterous. “
“ lets leave the mothers out of this alright? especially considering the fact that neither of you have a mother. “
“ FALSEHOOD. “
“ savage. i’m saying he’s acting like an aggressive , brainless savage. oh no , is that another contemporary slang word i have to learn? “
“ i’m ready to give my closing statement : this is stupid , he / she / they’re stupid , i’m out. “
“ you learning things is the closest i will ever be to feeling love. “
“ i was barely trying. i hissed at you. “
“ i’m sorry , while that was savage … it was a little extra. “

ep. 13 growing up

“ i too have to agree with surley temple over here. “
“ animal noises go! “
“ this is not the time for word association games. “
“ look who needs another lesson in adultery. “
“ sorry , look whom needs another lesson in adultery. “
“ like pancakes , you fall flat. “
“ don’t you dare turn breakfast food into a negative metaphor. “
“ independence is a celebration! it’s got dance right in the word. “
“ that’s probably what i would sound like if i were giving birth. “
“ they were all real events in my life. except the 3 am one , i usually stay up much later than that. “
“ well then it’s just 5 am and you need to go to bed. “
“ i need you to hit me with your car for a video. “
“ did you ever wash that shirt? you’re wearing it right now. “
“ i am serious right now. and always have been. and always will be. neck tie. “
“ why do you only take whatever i say literally? “
“ i’m sorry. does ‘ aldulto ‘ work? “
“ what else should i do to properly grow up? “
“ into the woods is not better. “
“ wash your filthy shirt you heathen. “
“ you look like the man. i fight the man. i wanna fight you now. “
“ is no one gonna acknowledge that he just dabbed? “
“ life is short. might as well make it short and fantastic! like danny devito. “
“ wow , i am ashamed of myself. “
“ my eyes! “

ep. 14 making some changes

“ listen buddy don’t blame us because your mind is so empty. “
“ boy what an ass…set to your personality. “
“ where are my star thingies? “
“ with sudden change the heart tend to be confused. “
“ uh oh. feelings. “
“ more sentimental than on avalanche. “
“ with you i’m always home. “
“ you need to chill out. “
“ what up anxiety? “
“ i hate it when you’re just vague. “
“ that’s why i’ve been feeling more confused than beverage. “
“ my face is immediately scratchier. “
“ i’m a fun guy that’s fun sized. like danny devito! “
“ okay, i love you! “
“ deal with it j delightful. “
“ i waste my best material on you. “
“ you’re dead to me. “
“ i’ll wet your bandit … that doesn’t make sense. “
“ hello , my name is ___ i’m short and nonthreatening. “
“ did i make you proud ___? you proud of me? “
“ nothing beats the real thing. “
“ uh oh , i just littered those pennies. hope the coppers don’t come after me. “
“ oh my precious bangs. “

ep. 15 becoming a cartoon

“ am i early? i’m early aren’t i? “
“ randy dandy and quite grandy. “
“ we’re talking toons dr. gloom! “
“ see , why would anyone need to move their face as much as you just did? “
“ i have no idea where you’re going with this , but i blindly support you - where’d you go? “
“ not today logic! “
“ don’t worry, everyone loves the villain. “
“ can we change the locks on the building again? i’m kinda tired of these weirdos getting in. “
“ fun, fascinating. tomato, solanum lycopersicum. “

ep. 16 accepting anxiety pt. 1

“ you know what i wanna talk about? eating food. or maybe actually about that tv show i just watched. “
“ you seem uncharacteristically careless. “
“ you good fam? “
“ wow , that was bad , but you’re a really good trier. “
“ is everything gucci? “
“ you make one mistake and this is what happens! “
“ time out for thee and time out for thee , focus on issues or focus on me. “
“ flames. on the side of my face. see-seething. seething fire. “
“ having trouble with adultery? “
“ don’t you go shortening the word family by cutting out my three favorite letters: i l y. “
“ you look like a hot mess. nay , not hot , cool. nay , not cool , uncool. you look like an uncool mess. “
“ oh dear sweet mother of hairbrushes what is your hair? “
“ you have kind hair. kinda hair that grows on a dogs butt! “
“ welp love has failed me. “
“ i don’t fear death. “
“ took my pants off! “

ep. 17 accepting anxiety pt. 2

“ that’s what you missed on me! “
“ i am terribly afraid of spiders. i would like to switch places with someone. “
“ well i literally don’t see any spiders in those. these curtains are literally covered with them. “
“ lets call them what they are : creepy crawly death dealers. “
“ i love my dark strange son. “
“ you’d think the creative side would find a nicer way to talk to others. “
“ you’d think the smart side would know when to mind his / her / their own business. “
“ aww you poor little anxious baby. “
“ that is enough out of you, logic. “
“ now , while i still have your attention , do you think that maybe we could switch places? “
“ you’re like an oatmeal raisin cookie that’s primarily composed of raisins. a raisin oatmeal cookie! no one wants that! “
“ pump the breaks princey. “
“ a prince has got to slay. “
“ i just got a lot of feelings. “
“ we are buddies. “
“ i am bitterly , jitterly , and not very glitterly. “
“ e equals m c scared. “
“ i’m gonna cry i just don’t want to loose any of you. “
“ being anxious about the idea of growing more anxious. yep, sounds like me. “
“ i’m more proud of myself for enduring the great spider threat of twenty seventeen. “
“ ___ , shut your ever flapping gob talker. “
“ i have to tell you that i’ve been theorizing on it for a very long time so if it’s not exactly the name that i think it is , i will loose it. “

ep. 18 fitting in

“ halloween. is that the reason for your new plum pigmented pili? “
“ your head looks like barney’s unshaven armpit. “
“ congratulations on the cool colorful crown. “
“ i’m already full rainbow all the time. “
“ i wanna see what good old panic at the everywhere has to say about this. “
“ i guess there is sort of a dark edginess to it. like one of those crayola crayon halloween packs. “
“ you only help to lift me up you sweet and sour misunderstood shadowling. “
“ being the odd one out was my whole presence here and it was not fun. “
“ i literally almost took your whole face out. “
“ aragog. a ginormous spider in the harry potter universe. he’s bold , he’s terrifying , and no matter where we all fit in , we are all his prey. “
“ it’s a metaphor , erlinmeyer trash. “
“ oh , school him! don’t be mean though. “
“ fantasy is not my jam. my jam of choice is crofters. “
“ i don’t think i’m smarter than everyone else … i know i’m smarter than everyone else. “
“ you’re the softest little puff ball we got , padre. “
“ what the heckity heck. five abs in one peck. “
“ if you keep talking bad about yourself i am going to physically fight you. “
“ slytherins are not all evil, okay? let’s just get rid of that idea right now. “
“ we get it. you’re adorable. “
“ you are hardworking. working hard to make ____ paran-vigilant. paranavigilant. did you like that that? i just made up that word just now i’m basically shakespear. “
“ not modest , more self deprecating. i talk bad about myself. “
“ you are very good at finding new ways to insult me. “
“ ooooooo i look like a pirate. “
“ good point. see that , that was a really good point to you , also valid argument. “
“ and then there is what everyone expects me to be. “
“ i don’t need to belong to a specific hogwarts house in order to belong with you guys. “
“ make it work , project runway. “
“ prince 2.0 my goodness. “
“ your shoulders were so boring to look at before. “
“ i set the bar too high for you , that’s okay. “
“ i actually really dig the purple. “
“ that is magnificent … how you’ve managed to become even angstier. “
“ who needs a hogwarts house when you have your own hog-wild style? “

saw sm1 commenting they hate yaoi and shipping has ruined knb- on a yaoi akakuro amv……

literally w hy???????

what has this achieved for u

r ur parents proud of u for being an actual horrible human being?

literally every time i start enjoying a ship someone always fucking comes along and says “THEYRE JUST FRIENDS” usually followed by some sort of homophobic bullshit 

dude. i know they’re just friends.

but how abt u fuCC OFFF and do something productive instead of trolling the internet and making rude comments that are totally unnecessary and not helping anyone and rlly just making u look like an ass

like bruh if anything shipping has HELPED knb. its increased its popularity and thus sales, therefore making it able to be continued. ugggghhhhhh

carry on countdown day 3: opposite day

thanks so so much to @carryon-countdown for organizing this, it’s such an awesome idea! the carry on fandom is honestly just the best. 

egads anyway ok this is my first contribution to this fandom so here goes…



SIMON

It’s hard to keep secrets from your roommate. Especially when you’ve been roommates for five years, and have three more ahead. And especially when your roommate is always suspicious of you whether or not you’ve actually done anything. And especially when you’re just a bad liar.

It’s hard to keep secrets in general when you’re always under the public eye. Being “The Chosen One” and whatnot, all kinds of people are keeping tabs on me. Some of them think I’m their only hope, some of them think I’m a fraud, some of them think I’m a weapon that needs to be mastered. I never know what to think of myself. But Baz does. Baz has always seen right through me, and what he sees, he doesn’t like.

But regardless of being a bad liar, and regardless of always being watched, there’s one secret that, against all odds, and purely out of necessity, I have managed to keep. At least, until now. Now, it’s all over, and crouched in a dark corner of the Catacombs, I am starting to hyperventilate.

Keep reading

2/9/2015
9:24pm

when i saw you today my heart didn’t drop. i felt nothing when i looked at you and i’m starting to realize that it’s okay. i was so used to you though. i was used to all the silly remarks and laughs we shared that it almost didn’t matter about all the demons we were fighting amongst each other. we conquered it all. i thought that i may still have feelings for you but i’ve realized that i got over those feelings years ago. i was comfortable. you were the last person i ever dated and even kissed. i felt so consumed by you and your presence that i’m still so afraid that no one will ever treat me as good as you did with me and that terrifies me. the thought of you holding any grudge against me is an overpowering feeling that i am not able to maintain. i never had the chance to forgive you but i forgave you in my heart. it has never crossed my mind about you giving me forgiveness or some conformation since i would always blame you for ruining things that i now realize you were really trying for. i never got the chance to apologize. i’m sorry. i am truly sorry for everything. that was long ago, i am not that person anymore and i hope with your little heart that you would find a place in there to truly understand. i was naïve, immature, and so caught up into what persona i had to be to satisfy everyone but now i see that i don’t have to. i’ve learned so much in the last few months and i’m so proud of myself. i’m happy for once in my life and i’m still getting better. i am now realizing my worth. i taught myself why i was so against starting a relationship as of right now and that’s because no seventeen year old wants to be in a relationship. it makes me want to wait. it sounds cliche but i want to be certain that the next person i kiss is the person that i will ever feel the most chemistry with. someone who matters to me and someone i am willing to give up everything for. someone i want to spend with for the rest of my life. i understand that many will chuckle and mutter under their breath about how it’s just a kiss but it’s way more than that. i’m not close minded like them. a kiss should be meaningful not meaningless. it should come with the passion, the lust, and the chemistry between two partners. i promised myself years ago that if i was ever to mend things with you that i would be so sure that i am happy, that i won’t need to fake my happiness anymore. i promised myself that i will be over you, that when i look at you i will only see the good in you and not the bitterness of the relationship we had. i promised myself that i will be able to trust you again. it shouldn’t matter about the history or whatever went down, i have brushed off that cycle of my life long ago. i will treat you like i treat every individual: the same. i will respect your opinions just as i respect everyone else’s because you are human and so is everyone i treat. a friendship may sound crazy to you but it’s just as meeting someone new again. everything that ever occurred three years ago is such a blur to me and it feels so good knowing that i can finally be myself, being opinionated, open minded, and my personal favorite is being a little bundle of happiness and positivity. i want everyone to know that what i’m writing about isn’t about blaming myself or blaming you. that’s not what i’m trying to get across here. it’s about forgiveness and learning to get better. i now feel pure comfort in peace. i want others to be inspired by this too, to forgive themselves and others. to start again and mend things. to never hold grudges amongst someone who meant so much to them. be open minded while you, the reader, reads this. this isn’t some sort of stereotypical lovey dovey stuff. that’s not it at all. forgiveness, peace, happiness, sacrifice, and growing as a human being. i am happy being in my own comfort and i’m still learning day by day. i don’t know how to end this journal entry and this is probably the longest journal entry i’ve done without taking the time to edit so i’m just gonna end with my motto

a happy soul equals a happy life

Okay guys…it was hard to post this. I’ve never put myself out there like this, in a video. We all have our own insecurities, and I definitely felt insecure while filming this. Then I thought, why? There is no reason why I should feel insecure. This is me, I’m proud of who I am and what I stand for. I love myself a lot more now than I did a year ago…and that’s saying a lot. I’m trying not to care what others think..I don’t think I’m drop dead gorgeous or anything and I don’t have a great body..but if I want to convince others to change the way they view themselves, then it’s kind of backwards if I’m too scared to put myself out there, right? So here I am. Let me know if you would like more short videos like this :)

virginiawolff  asked:

LIPSTICK QUESTION: my makeup routine is very low-key, like usually eyeliner and some brow shaping and that's literally it (no foundation even). i love lipstick for night but i'm afraid to try it at work because 1) i'm super pale so any added lip color really stands out and 2) i'm defs not ready to commit to wearing it every single day, and won't it be super weird and obvious if half the time i'm just wearing chapstick and the other half i'm all fancy with ruby red lips (my best color)?? PLZ HELP

hello friend!! i can see why that might stress you out. i would say:

1) if you’re not necessarily prepared to commit to stand-out lip color, have you tried something lighter? nudes, neutrals, colored chapsticks? i will also say that, though they are outrageously expensive, which is annoying, yves saint laurent has some very gooey soft colors which aren’t too aggressive (i’m really into rouge volupté #3 right now, which sounds very red but is actually just a gentle neutral) (that being said, i’m Whitey McWhiterson in skintone, so ymmv). 

$36.00 from sephora, and no, i am not proud of myself.

2) here is the secret of life: nobody thinks about you as much as you think about you. i don’t mean you, specifically; that’s a universal you, and it’s honestly not an insult. i just mean that people may notice that you are or are not wearing lipstick, but i guarantee they will not spend more than 3 seconds thinking about it (unless, of course, they notice how great your lipstick is and spend 2 hours trying to find out what shade it is without directly asking because “what color is your mouth?” is, admittedly, a weird question). 

my point here is that nobody is going to care if sometimes you’re plain-lipped and sometimes you’re, like, taylor swift. my guess is that they’ll notice when you’re wearing ruby red and won’t think about it when you’re not. will it be obvious when you’re not wearing bright red lipstick? yes. but isn’t that the point of bright red lipstick?

wear it when you want, don’t wear it when you don’t. do whatever makes you happy, ma petite sweetbread.

To A Fully Loaded Day

For the past few days, my life has been very much the same: Grey’s Anatomy, workout and food hopping with the family. Well, it started to become a routine, but maybe except for this day. I can still feel the soreness of my legs and arms and I do not know if I will be able to walk properly tomorrow. Also, I do not have any idea why I can still blog at this point of time, hahaha. Anyways, it was all worth it.

I have been bugging Federasyon to accompany me in a session of Muay Thai because I am shy and I have no idea what it is all about while Angelo, Jim and Yuichi were already training since high school. Finally, Angelo and Yuichi were free today, so yay!

We decide to meet up at Mercury Drug Store and the guys were 20 minutes late. I was forced to buy something at the store, so the guards would not come to think that I am a bizarre girl who shoplifts because I was roaming around the drug store the whole time. Hahaha, I feel so weird.

Here is the gym! We started to stretch as soon as we got there. The intensity was like 20x times of the stretching I do at home, I felt so lame. No group pictures because I forgot. 

Thanking Jim for lending me his hand wraps and gloves! He was not able to go  though. We were there for 2 hours. They taught me the basics, which did not feel like it. Straight, hook, jab, straight, hook, jab! I cannot believe I am saying this, but I am looking forward for next week’s session.

Went to my Alma Mater after Muay Thai to get some papers for a scholarship I am applying for. Even if the session was really tiring, I have no choice, but to still run some errands because mother said so! Though it really feels good to be trusted by my parents to go here and there. 

I will be missing this place so much. Do not want to make a drama anymore, so let’s just move on.

Had a quick lunch at The District then went straight to Alabang to get my travel clearance at DSWD. There goes my awkward smile though. My face never had a thing for 2x2 or 1x1 pictures, okay? They just don’t.

Chilled at Town for the whole afternoon. Tried The White Hat for the first time! The place is not that spacious, but the interior is cute. I totally loved the flowers placed on the tables.

The session was really tiring that my lunch did not fill me up, so I did not settle for yoghurt and had this Fruit Basket Waffle instead. I was eyeing for a healthy snack, so I ordered this one. No ragrats, because it was deli and the price was really worth it!

I always find Town peaceful during the afternoons because it is not filled with so much people. The weather was also okay, but I was not able to really walk for a long time because my feet were starting to kill me even if I am wearing my comfy flats. 

Fully Booked for an hour or so.

Me and my ninja moves. I still do not know why taking pictures are not allowed at some stores, like, it’s free advertising, why not, right? Hahaha, sorry. My thoughts are all over the place right now. 

Jamba Juice before going home!! 

So proud of myself that I was able to go here and there, and still have time to update my parents where I am and stuff. I was already home before the sun was fully set. I feel like a superwoman for doing all these errands for just one day! Though the muscle pain would not yet settle, and I know that I will still feel a lot worse tomorrow.

Anyways, to the guys who will be starting their classes on June, good luck! You still have a week or two to enjoy, make that count! 

2

As of today, it’s officially been one year since I seriously decided to do something about my weight. 

Age: 17

Height: 5'8"

Starting Weight (1/10/2014) : 252 lbs

Current Weight (1/10/2015) : 195.2 lbs

Weight Lost: 56.8 lbs

I lost 3.5 inches from each arm, 4.25 inches from each thigh, 8 inches from my hips, and 6 inches from my waist.

Last January, I started off counting calories and posting a daily food journal on tumblr (on a different blog), then for about 2 months I just ate without keeping track. I wanted to start rebuilding my relationship with food, because I’ve never been able to go any length of time maintaining my weight. It was always back and forth between “right now I’m losing weight” and then “I’m done losing weight so I’m not gonna think about what I’m eating and whoops I’ve gained 60 lbs”. 

I think that’s why I’m most proud of this, I’ve lost this weight and am keeping it off. The two months of maintenance might have kept me from having lost a larger number this year, but it was a success! I continued to weigh myself once a week and I never had my weight go up or down more than 3 lbs from the weight I started maintaining from! I strongly suggest people who have bad relationships with food try this during their journey to get healthy, and maybe before you reach your goal weight. It’s a nice break from the strictness of trying to keep a calorie deficit and it becomes a preview of what your future will be like once you finish losing the weight and instead get to maintain it in a healthy way!

Now, as I go in to this coming year, I am back to keeping a food log but I am no longer counting calories. I take a picture of everything I eat and post it on my blog. I’ve found that it really makes me aware of what (and how much) I put in my body and makes me put more effort in to everything I eat. I eat more colorfully than ever! But I do still indulge in takeout every once in a while and chocolate a bit more than every once in a while. 

In 2015, I plan to lose my remaining weight (somewhere between 30 and 40 lbs, I’m not strict on a goal weight and I don’t know how much muscle I will gain), run at least 4 5Ks, get more flexible, and continue hiking as often as possible.

Thank you so much for reading and I am so thankful for this community on tumblr :D I’ve only had this blog a few months, and have only been active on it for about one, but seeing you guys on my dash always motivates me and inspires me so much. 

Feel free to ask me any questions if you’d like!

Also, in the first picture I’m wearing an XL tshirt, and in the second I’m in a medium!

anonymous asked:

Do u miss ur ex

you know. If you would’ve asked me this a few months ago… Maybe even a few weeks ago.. I would’ve said yes.
I would’ve said how much I still loved him and how much I missed him or still cared.. I would’ve told you how much I wish things could work and how much I wish he loved and cared about me as much as I loved him. Or how much I wish he wouldn’t have left again and still wanted me…

But the person I’ve grown into in the past couple of months doesn’t miss him at all. The person I have became doesn’t even think about him or speak of him because why would I? I’m happy. completely happy with my life without him, and it took a lot of tears and going through hell and back to get to this point and understand that he isn’t the person I should be with right now. It’s not because I don’t love him. I’ll probably always love him in some way but because I realized I deserve better for myself. That I don’t need to be with someone who will leave me like I meant nothing and play with my emotions like I’m a toy. It was too much hurt and pain going on. Not just in our relationship but in my life in general and honestly.. I failed to realize that he didn’t care about me or love me anymore… That.. that there are boys who would be proud to say they’d loved me.. And that if he didn’t care enough about me the first time he left, why would he now?

It took a lot to get to where I am in my life now honestly. But I am so glad that it happened. I’m so glad I went through this and I got stronger and learned my worth and how to love myself without him loving me..

maybe one day years, and years from now when he and I grow up we could be friends again or something of that sort but right now I don’t want nor need him in my life. I wish him the best though and I hope he’s happy.