why am i sharing this story

shoutout to all the lonely wlw, to those who have never been on a date, who’ve never had a girlfriend, who’ve never been kissed or held hands, who feel like they never will have any of that, or deserve it. being a wlw is often extremely isolating and lonely. wlw wedding photos and stories about wlw relationships and stuff are all very valuable and important and need to be shared - it’s proof that we CAN find each other! but it can also intensify those feelings of loneliness - it seems like everybody has had these experiences, is in love or has been once, and you think why am i the only one? the fact is, unfortunately, it’s hard for wlw to actually meet each other and find connections. your relationship status is not a reflection of whether or not you’re “worthy” of love. you are. and you’re not as alone as you feel right now, i promise. there are people out there just like you, feeling just as hopeless and alone. you just haven’t had the chance to find each other yet.

I am a firm believer in true love. I do believe that there is someone out there for me who will eventually sweep me off my feet and make me wonder why I ever settled for anybody else. There is a man out there for me, with whom I will celebrate countless anniversaries, Valentine’s Days and birthdays. There is a man with whom I will be able to get through any fight, distance or hardship, knowing that nothing will ever change. There is a man out there with whom I will share an unbreakable bond, held together by the deep desires of love.

But not today.

I don’t want someone I “won’t be able to imagine my life without.” I don’t want someone to “have my whole heart.” I don’t want someone to be “my whole world,” or “my rock,” or “my better half.” I don’t want somebody who can understand me better than I can understand myself.

I want to feel whole. I want to be my own rock, my own anchor, my own soul mate. I want to understand myself better than anyone else can. I don’t want to look back and hate myself for altering my future for someone else when I know I wasn’t ready to.

That’s why I don’t want to find the man I will love forever today. Or tomorrow. Or the day after that.


For those who know me, you know that when I fall, I fall fast and I fall hard. I am a hopeless romantic who wears my heart on my sleeve. I simply love the idea of being in love. I can’t remember a time in my life when I didn’t have some type of interest in a guy. I love having a “texting buddy.” I love feeling desired. I have gotten hurt a few times, but I always pick myself up and try to move on. Moving on is hard for me, though, simply because I love being in love. I’ve called guys my “better half” and my “rock.” I’ve convinced myself that I couldn’t picture my life without them. I’m starting to realize now that that’s the last thing I want in my future relationship. Especially as a young woman in my early 20s. Before I enter into any serious relationship, I need to feel like I’m complete. And I need to be able to feel complete while completely alone.

Keep reading

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So, if anyone doubts that I am a rabid Reylo fan - BEHOLD, the Reylo fanart I commissioned from @panda-capuccino for my fic, Mine To Hold. Seriously, this woman is a frickin’ Reylo magician! Her art is AMAZING, and finding her work is what eventually led me to tumblr (through DeviantArt).


I detailed a few of the *ahem* more intense scenes in the story and she came up with these masterpieces. Kylo is just like…sexual temptation personified, and Rey is just so “DAMMIT, WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD AT THIS??” 


Anyway, I can’t stop squealing internally over these so I needed to share. Also, my birthday is in 3 days, so Happy Birthday to me! Thanks again, @panda-capuccino!

My asexuality/”why awareness is important” story

When I was a teen, growing up in a small town in 1980s Mississippi, there were only 2 options as far as I knew:  Either you were gay or your were straight.  Because I was exceedingly liberal for the time and place (though probably less liberal than I am now) and because I wanted desperately to leave Mississippi, I spent a lot of time learning as much as I could about the outside world.  I spent hours at the library my high school shared with the local university reading the Village Voice and dreaming of going in New York City.    Because of this, and because I was a huge fan of Erasure, I figured out that there was nothing wrong with being gay.  Which was good, because I knew I wasn’t straight.  I couldn’t be:  I liked looking at pretty guys too much, and I got crushes on my male friends.

On the other hand, I also knew that I liked looking at pretty girls too, and I regularly developed crushes on my female friends.  So I lay awake at night, my thoughts spinning in my head  “I like boys, so I can’t be straight.  But I like girls, so I can’t be gay.  But I like boys…”  Repeat ad nauseum.

Fast forward to the early 90s.  I was going to college in New Orleans.  This exposed me to much more of the world than I would have seen had I remained in Mississippi.  But it didn’t bring me any closer to figuring things out until my second semester, when there was a rash of people in the dorm coming out as bisexual.  Aha!  A lightbulb went on in my head.  THIS must be what I was.  I could like both boys and girls!  But something still didn’t feel right.  Though I made out with people and liked it, I passed up chances to have sex with people of both genders.  Finally one of my female friends basically harassed me into sleeping with her (at the time I didn’t recognize date rape for what it was - the early 90s were a much less aware time, at least for me).  And when I met the woman who later became my wife, she was the one who made the first move sexually, as well as the second and third moves and most of the others.  

Fast forward again, last 2015.  My wife and I are still together and have had 2 kids.  But no one looking at our sex life would ever mistake it for a “normal” sex life (to the extent that there is such a thing).  But I still feel that something’s not right.  I’m not unhappy, but at the same time, my main feeling about sex is a resounding “meh.”  I research various fetishes and relationship styles on the internet, but nothing really feels right - some seem like they might be a lot of fun, but the whole idea just collapses for me once genitals get involved.  When I watch a TV show about pickup artists, and besides being repulsed at all the dishonesty involved, my thought is “That seems like an awful lot of work for sex.”  

Then one day I stumbled on a page about the difference between romantic orientation and sexual orientation.  And then I learn about asexuality.  And finally, after all this time, I figured it out.  I’m panromantic and asexual.  All of a sudden so many things from my past made sense.  SO MANY THINGS!  And while I’m very glad that I understand it now, I’m also rather frustrated at the time lost because I didn’t have this knowledge years and years before.  I could have been spared so much mental anguish and so many sleepless nights if I had known.

Which brings us to why I think awareness is important:  Because kids aren’t going to be straight just because they don’t know about the alternatives.  They’ll still be whatever they are; they’ll just feel confused and agitated and WRONG because they don’t fit in to the alternatives that they’ve been told about.

I get such a sick feeling in my stomach when I think about you with somebody else.

Somebody touching you, kissing you, feeling you makes me so sad, but you know what’s even more fucked up?

When I think about you with someone else sitting on a beach at 2 am listening to the sound of the waves.

Do you want to know why this makes me so sad?

Because that’s what you do with a person you really care about.
I mean you can have sex with everyone even without feelings.

But you will never find yourself sitting on a beach with someone, at 2 am who you don’t care about. Sharing stories in the sand with thousands of stars above you.

So yes. The thought of you with someone else at the beach sitting together, talking about life makes me more sad then everything else on this planet.

Because i want it to be me who spends the night with you at the beach. Watching stars, listening to the waves, building sand castles in the dark, drinking the cheap wine out of the bottle while laughing so hard that we spit it everywhere.

—  I want it to be me
The 13th Zodiac Sign?

Every so often, I get bursts of questions about NASA’s “shift” in the zodiac wheel and the introduction of a 13th zodiac sign called Ophiuchus. This usually happens whenever a post or story on social media about this “new sign” is sort of published and shared. But I am here to tell you not to listen. 

There is no 13th zodiac sign. Ophiuchus is not a zodiac sign. And all learned western astrologers will say the same thing.

So why doesn’t it exist? I’ll give you some reasons.

First and most importantly, the zodiac wheel is not and has essentially never been directly correlated with the constellations. They are correlated with the seasons. The sun enters Aries the moment the sun crosses the celestial equator in March (the spring equinox). The sun enters Cancer the moment the sun reaches the Tropic of Cancer in July (the summer solstice). The sun enters Libra the moment the sun crosses the celestial equator in September (the fall equinox). The sun enters Capricorn the moment the sun reaches the Tropic of Capricorn in December (the winter solstice). There is no direct correlation between the constellations the sun in western astrology. If you don’t like this, consider looking into sidereal astrology.

Next, there is symbolism behind the number 12 that has existed since basically forever and cannot be ignored. Twelve is considered the number of cosmic order, which is basically what astrology is all about. There are 4 elements, 3 modalities, and 6 polarities in the zodiac. There is balance. It’s all about balance. There are 12 months. There are 12 astrological houses. There are 12 basic archetypes. There are 12 apostles. There are 12 animals in the Chinese zodiac. What is associated with the number 13 in terms of order and completion? Thirteen is an odd, prime number. It’s unbalanced. It’s disorderly. A 13th zodiac sign would basically mess everything up.

In addition, NASA didn’t “discover” anything when they ignorantly introduced a 13th zodiac sign. It has always been denied by astrologers, especially over the past few decades. There’s nothing new about all this.

And I’m sort of sick of non-astrologers thinking that they can define and “change” astrology without knowing what they’re talking about. NASA’s deal is science and astronomy. Astrology isn’t science or astronomy. Astrology is not within NASA’s jurisdiction.

So yeah. There is no 13th zodiac sign. Your “sign” didn’t change. Tell your friends. Make posts on your social media, explaining what I explained to you. Stop this 13th zodiac sign panic!

after seeing that tumblr post of someone telling their story about how much diego luna being in star wars rogue one meant to them and their father I decided to share my story of why riz ahmed being in rogue one meant so much to me. i am 50% white 25% indian and 25% pakistani. growing up i went to small private school which was probably 99% white kids and 1% non white kids. i remember one time in 1st grade a group of kids in my class got into an argument on how to pronounce my last name. i have an indian last name. they made fun of how it sounded and they made fun of the other ways it could be pronounced. my first name is also indian and in further grades id be teased for it too. from as long as I could remember i was so embarrassed and so insecure to be part indian/pakistani. i used to cry about it as a five year old. A FIVE year old. when i was 6 i went to india for the first time and had to take off two weeks of school. i remember not wanting to tell any of my classmates where I was going but my teacher announced it. as a six year old, being so ashamed of a huge part of who you are is terrible. it feels terrible. skip to 8th grade. I dropped out of that school and began online schooling. that age is also sort of where i started to realise there was close to no indian/pakistani representation in hollywood. if there was, it was an extremely stereotypical role or such a tiny role you could miss it. i wanted there to be a brown skinned main character in an american tv show I watched so so badly, or a brown skinned superhero in a marvel movie, or a brown skinned main character in ANYTHING.. skip to the past couple years. priyanka chopra getting cast as the main character in quantico meant so much to me. if im not mistaken she was one of the (if not THE) first indian woman to be cast as the main character in an american tv show. even though that show wasn’t my type of show, I still watch it because i love seeing her in it. dev patel, the impact he’s made on hollywood, meant. so. much. to. me. seeing slumdog millionaire win best picture at the oscars, as a 10 year old I almost cried I was so over joyed that an indian movie where they speak partly in hindi actually won. riz ahmed, the first time I saw him was in nightcrawler. I didn’t even know he was in it, I was just watching it and I saw him and was like, omg? in a hollywood movie as a main character along side jake gyllenhaal? i loved it. all these little or big parts these indians or pakistanis have gotten in hollywood over the past few years, all of them meant so much to me. that gets me to riz ahmed being in rogue one. honestly brought tears to my eyes seeing it. seeing this diversity, in a star wars movie, one of the biggest franchises in the world, and one of my favorite things in the world all through out growing up. representation MATTERS. when i was growing up, if there was an indian superhero, or a pakistani main character in star wars like there is now, maybe i would’ve loved who i was a little bit more. I needed someone like me to look up to as an 8 year old. ive never loved being indian/pakistani more than i do now. over the past couple years, everyday I love my heritage more and more and want to know and learn more about it and be more present in my culture. i even wish a lot of the time i was full indian. im saying all this and telling my struggles as just a 50% non white. if I felt like this as still half white, then you can only imagine how 100% indians or any other race must feel. representation matters!!! im so glad the steps hollywood film and shows have made over the past few years to bring more representation to our screens. but, it needs to be more. no more whitewashing. no more giving poc superhero roles to whites and thinking it’s not a big deal but then thinking it is a big deal when people want a white superhero cast to a poc. no more being scared to have love story movies cast to two pocs. or one poc. no more only giving stereotypical roles to pocs. but in the end I just wanted to say thank you so much, riz ahmed.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!!

Finals and concerts and Juries oh my! December is an interesting time of year for all students but especially for musicians. There is so much on all of your plates, it is a wonder anything gets done. But music majors are a breed apart, am I right?

So in an effort to cut through some of that stress, why don’t you guys reblog and share some of your favorite stories from your adventure in music making! It can be funny, inspiring, or anything at all. We want to hear YOUR experiences XD.

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 SHOUJO MANGA RECOMMENDATION

What is the best way to spend your vacation? There is no better way than having a manga hunt!

Oh yeah! I am not a manga expert (especially in shoujo-genre). I have this habit of sticking to the mangakas that i happened to like and then just read all their creations (Anashin and Takagi Shigeyoshi are two great shoujo mangakas I like). Well, that was in the past. this vacation opened my eyes to a whole new world of shoujo. I can promise you (for those who are looking for mangas to read) that these stories are enough to stay you awake ‘til midnight and let you crave for more. 

Aside from being cute and funny  these mangas share another characteristic..they are all ongoing (some are like really new..just have 2 or 3 chapters available). I am sure you will agree with me that we all know the pain that lies in waiting for new releases (maybe that is why oneshots are also popular). we know the agony of going back and forth to the manga sites that we follow just to check whether they have updated or not. We can’t complain because we know how hard it is to different groups to scanlate mangas. So why not give a shout for paperdolls project, chibi, aqua, phoenix serenade,summer rain, winter trans and to all the scanlators out there! We owe you a lot guys!.

So much for an introduction (Sorry, i was just carried away) ..So the titles will be listed (from left to right)..The summaries are readily available over the internet. If you can’t find them then feel free to send me a message.  

1. Seishun Note (AYASE Umi)
2. koko kara saki wa NG (MATSUDA Yuuko and IZUMI Mio)
3.Tokimeichatte Gomen ne (SHIIBA Nana)
4. getsuyoubi kara kataomoi (KYOUMACHI Hisa)
5. takane to hana (SHIWASU Yuki)
6. sora wo kakeru yodaka (Kawabata Shiki)
7. Watashi no Ookami-kun (NOGIRI Youko)
8. suki ni naranai yo, senpai (Hatsu Haru)
9. sekirara ni kiss (AKUTA Fumie)
10. haru matsu bokura (Anashin)

I want to post more, however,every photoset should only contain 10 photos (maybe next time). Ja! See you and hope you will have fun in your manga hunt!

in light of snk 89 spoilers:

i am honestly ok and respectful of how the snk storyline is playing out. why, you ask? because this isn’t any of our story. this isn’t ours to agree with or dictate what is right/wrong or complain about. Isayama crafted this world and it is his to mould. It is his to decide whether characters die or live, because he is the person who created this universe. we as fans are so lucky to be able to share in this story with him like we can. we are also so lucky to be able to create our own universes with the characters he created on our own time.

can you imagine if isayama would have never shared this story? i know that snk has really taught me valuable lessons and opened me up as an artist and a writer. i think that fans should accept the story the way it is going, even if we may not 100% like or agree with the circumstances. Isayama put his time, effort and heart into this and i think we should respect that.

Something to look forward to

As if I needed another reason to procrastinate, but I made a list of some upcoming dramas that I am super excited for. Just thought I should share! 


Hwarang: The Beginning

Release Date: December 19, 2016

Number of Episodes: 20 

Synopsis: Drama series depicts the story of Hwarang (literally “Flowering Knights”) - an elite group of male youth in during the Kingdom of Silla.

Why I’m Excited: Another drama with a million beautiful men and an awesome female lead? I’m in! This is another fully pre-produced drama that has been in the works for a while. I love love love Go Ara and I’m super excited to see her in a saeguk. I’m also a huge fan of Park Seo Joon and this is his first saeguk drama so I’m looking forward to seeing how he and his newfound beautiful mane will be like in this drama. Although many people have been comparing this as another Moon Lovers, I don’t think it’ll be the same. This drama doesn’t focus on a bunch of princes fighting for the throne and doesn’t have the time travel component. Although the synopsis is still a bit vague, I’m still very very excited for this one! 


Goblin 

Release Date: December 2, 2016 

Number of Episodes: 16

Synopsis: Dokkaebi (Gong Yoo) needs a human bride to end his immortal life. Meanwhile, the Angel of Death has amnesia. Somehow these two meet and live together. They see off those who have passed away and are now leaving this world.

Why I’m Excited: I love TvN dramas. I think they usually produce phenomenal (mostly underrated) dramas and honestly, they already had me at Gong Yoo. I love that man and I love Kim Go Eun so really, how could I resist? I think the supernatural component is super interesting. I mean, how many dramas have there been that centered around a goblin and an angel of death? Oh and did I forget to mention that Lee Dong Wook and Yoo In Na are in it too? Because they are and I love them. (I love a lot of people). The teasers for this drama are so…mysterious. I don’t know if it’s going to be angsty or comedic or what but all I know is that I’m super super excited for this one. This is Kim Go Eun’s second drama after the flop  Cheese in the Trap and I’m really glad she chose to take on a new drama! 


Entourage 

Release Date: November 4, 2016

Number of Episodes: 12

Synopsis: Young-Bin (Seo Kang-Joon) is a rising star actor in South Korea. He has been best friends with Ho-Jin (Park Jung-Min), Joon (Lee Kwang-Soo) and Geobook (Lee Dong-Hwi) since they were all children. Young-Bin belongs to a management company with Kim Eun-Gab (Cho Jin-Woong) as the CEO.

Why I’m Excited: Another TvN drama! And this one will be released this week! This is a remake of the HBO show, Entourage, and I’m interested to see how this drama will play out. I haven’t watched the American version but I absolutely love love love the cast for the Korean remake (who knows, maybe I’ll watch the American version. Probably not though.) Anyway, this seems like a light, comedic friendship drama and honestly, I could use some lighthearted bromance right now. And not that it’s important, but look how handsome Seo Kang Joon looks in that poster. Come on! 


The Legend of the Blue Sea

Release Date: November 16, 2016 

Number of Episodes: 20

Synopsis: The last mermaid on Earth meets a genius swindler. The mermaid tries to adjust life on land.

Why I’m Excited: This drama has been so hyped up, I’m kind of nervous that my expectations are too high. I love Jun Ji Hyun (she’ll always be my sassy girl), but I’ve never been too keen on Lee Min Ho (sorry fans!). That being said though, I’m super excited for this! Mermaids? Love that passes through time? Like…give me all of that and more please. The first teaser made this drama seem like it’ll go down the angst train, but then the second teaser came out and it was…funny? Can those two genres exist in one drama? Regardless, I pretty much know I’ll love this drama (99%) since it’s written by the same person who brought us Producers and My Love From Another Star. Yay! 


Basically, November and December will be full of great new dramas! My ask box is always open for whenever you want to discuss any of these dramas or anything else for that matter! Happy watching! :) 

  • Guy I Work With: Ugh, man I am not looking forward to this shift.
  • Me: Why?
  • Guy: My back *kills* right now.
  • Me: I have some ibuprofen, you want some?
  • Guy: I can't have Tylenol.
  • Me: It's not Tylenol. It's better.
  • Guy: Huh?
  • Me: Let me put it this way: I take it when I have period cramps.
  • *beat*
  • Guy: Give me the bottle. Now.
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Dealing with trichotillomania… my current status.

I never did this but I guess… why not to share my story.

I have dealt with trichotillomania for 10 years. I am 24 and started when I was 14. The breaking point was my parents wanting a third child when it was impossivel in an economical way.

Until then it went downhill. Looking for medication to make it grow back (since I hide this secret from my parents for around 7 years, and had no support and was constantly shamed when they found out)

I only wanted long hair. The hair I never had. And that made me angry and sad.. my life was never the best but 3 days ago it changed.

After much thinking I managed to get hair extensions. They are not perfect since in some parts of my hair the bald patches are barely enough to hold the extensions but… it’s a start!

I am aware these extensions might fall off and that they aren’t forever.. but.. I feel pretty! I never felt that! I can braid my hair! I can wear piggytails! I have long hair! I feel like fukken Rapunzel!

And most importantly I have not pulled my hair for 3 days.
Let’s aim for 4 days.
One day at a time.

Don’t give up.

anonymous asked:

What? I thought that these were stories. Most of what I see aren't empty or 'angsty'. I like this blog and my opinion doesn't count for this but I'm just stating that your blog is amazing and these submissions are fantastic. Thanks for having your own aesthetic allowing for it to be shared to everyone else of six word stories.

Yea see everyone has a different opinion and apparently 150k+ people don’t hate this blog so why am I gonna let one person tell me what to do? If you don’t like this blog don’t follow it??

MLSC: Friends call me Angie

Tonight I start with Ms.Bathgate’s story :/ not sure I like it… I mean I do like it, but then I hate it… it’s complicated :/

1. because when writing this, hm, opus that I called “my little sin city”, I explore my own personality, and it’s hard sometimes to accept myself the way I am

2. there’s a tiny voice in my head that always says “what if noone likes it?”, then comes another voice that says “why the fuck do you care about someone’s opinion?”

I have made a set of story poses I’m going to share in parts. If I release them all together now, it will be a spoiler. And I don’t want to keep you waiting for the end of the chapter as I haven’t been active recently.

The links to the parts will exist for like 24 hours or less, as I plan to release all in one posepack after the chapter ends, with all necessary previews, thumbnails, links and instructions.

P.S. this chapter T_T

The Warriors Movie Breakdown

Hey everyone! You as excited for an idea of a warriors movie as I am? Great! Here’s my little note as a person with a BFA in animation and a couple years of film experience already under her belt. Why’s this important to share? Because it means I somewhat know what I’m talking about and these aren't’ all just my opinions.


First of all, the movie’s not happening quite yet. All that happened is Alibaba Pictures bought the rights to the Warriors movies (or any original story or spin-off ideas they want to do with it). It just means no one else can talk about buying and making a movie if they wanted to wait on it. What we need to look out for is when it is GREENLIT, or in pre-production. Alibaba is very interested in moving forward it sounds like, so I don’t think it’ll take too long at least. So, basically, it’d be like if some of us bought a book and haven’t opened it yet. I own it, but I haven’t started working through it.


The next is that a lot of people are really afraid of how a movie might turn out thanks to TennelleFlower’s warriors movie video discussion ( https://youtu.be/CrRJmTkhZ_8 ). While plenty of their points are valid, we still don’t know what parts of the books are being adapted - plus, this technically isn’t an american production and a lot of american film making techniques might not apply. That’s right, Alibaba Productions is based in Hong Kong! They have deals with Hong Kong studios and productions. But, there will be plenty of western influence, as they also have a deal with Amblin. What’s Amblin? Amblin did the Steven Spielburg animated movies such as Balto or an American Tale. While this isn’t a guarentee of a perfect book adaptation, the animation will likely be very lovely and the story should hopefully be very sound.


Unless someone can figure out how to spend all their time and effort and money on making a very true and very long warriors adaptation, this is the best chance we have at seeing our characters brought to life. And, frankly, the only ones who are going to be on the big screen any time soon. And, frankly, even if the movie isn’t completely accurate, hopefully people who see it will want to pick up the books and read for themselves. To be honest, that’s how I read the Guardians of Ga’hoole books, and the movie wasn’t close at all! And, just for the record … Harry Potter managed to do it, maybe Warriors can too. 


This movie will likely take 3 years (at the VERY VERY LEAST){and you better hope it’s this long or this thing was made WAY too fast and probably won’t be very good or well thought through} before we even start seeing previews, so we’ll have time to let them do their thing, thing about it once the hype is down, and just wait and see. Fingers crossed everyone!


Update: There is a video to accompany this post here: https://youtu.be/Jv3hPoTB5Og

Update 2: Warrior Cats Movie Gets A Studio: http://uiido.tumblr.com/post/153433251648/warrior-cats-gets-a-movie-studio

Live Free Friday | Meet Manila Luzon


“Cigarettes are gross. I used to smoke when I was growing up. . What really made me quit was a boy I met. He said he didn’t want to kiss me after smoking cigarettes. So I was like, WHOOSH, cigarettes gone. I’d much rather make out with a boy than smoke a cigarette. As things started getting serious, he was like, you know every cigarette you smoke takes away time I get to spend with you, and I was like, ‘OH HE’S A KEEPER. He’s looking to the FUTURE.’ I never smoked a cigarette again. And here I am. I’m saving time and I’m trying to save LGBT young adults as well. You can live a longer and healthier life by just cutting out that one addiction. We’re fighting so hard to stay healthy in our community, why are we causing MORE damage?”

What’s your Live Free Friday story? Share it.

“Why did Rika...”

I was asked this question on my YouTube channel for Mystic Messenger tutorials and walkthroughs to good/normal endings (subscribe me if you want to!) earlier and I thought someone might also wanted to know so I shared my version of Mystic Messenger story summary here (nothing in detail about each route). 

I want to also complain that Cheritz has never responded to my e-mails (for more than 11 days) and messages regarding the copyright strikes I’ve gotten on my channel’s videos because they contained ‘good endings’ but they allowed other people showing bad ends/ normal ends/ good ends and secret ends to fly around YouTube. Bravo, Cheritz.

Anyways,

Quoting the question…

Wait I’m confused…what did Rika do to V’s eyes? Like I am confused w/ what happened with Rika. She became a Catholic and then went crazy? Someone please explain;;


I wanted to make a disclaimer that this summary is solely based on my memory and personal opinion because I’ve cleared the entire game many weeks ago and my memories puddle up very easily. If there’s something wrong please let me know by all means and I’ll make the amendments as soon as I could.


Spoilers ahead, you are warned.

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Spoilers ahead, you are warned.

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Spoilers ahead, you are warned.

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It’s so important I had to repeat 3 times.

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At the beginning MC was downloading an app that is said to be able to talk to pretty boys, but somehow it was a trap set by Unknown. Unknown said he could finally connect to someone although he’s overseas and he needs help because he found a phone and all he had is the address and door password so he asked MC to leave a note in that apartment and MC did because she’s too kind lol


Unknown is Seven’s younger bro, or to be exact - twin brother. The twins grew up in a horrible household, where Unknown was born with a weaker body compared to Seven (and also naturally more timid) and their mother is an alcoholic. Since the mother wanted to blackmail their dad for money through the sons, the mother was afraid that the dad will find the kids and kill them or whatever it is (that would ultimately making her to lose her ‘income’), the twins are always locked at home. However, Seven sometimes run errands for his mom and he found a Catholic church - which is where Rika (and V) goes to.
At that point of time Rika’s depression is not visible and Sally was still alive and all so Rika is like the kindest person that you know. In the church, Rika taught Seven on reading, and Seven showed interest and strong talents in computer science, so Rika ended up giving him a book for Seven to read about computer science, and even helped him in practicing the skills needed in computing in the church. 


V and Rika knew that the two wanted an escape, and Seven has made a promise to bring Unknown away from this hell and since Seven is a 'secret child’ of some sort, when V offered him to work in an intelligence organization to earn money while also promising to take good care of Unknown, Seven agreed, because he thinks that since he’s a secret child he shouldn’t be seen anyways. However, since Seven has to work for that company, before joining the company, Seven has to change his name. His name was Choi Saeyoung. But because if you work in an underground agency, if you happen to suck as an agent or when the agency betrays you, they will try all means to search for your family/ friends/ spouse/ close people to you/ etc. to use it against you - either for work, or to threaten you. Hence, Seven changes his name to Luciel Choi, hoping that it’ll be a reminder where he will never be a fallen angel. (Saeran is Unknown’s name)


Upon changing the names and joined the agency, Seven could never see his family, nor Saeran. He tried to pester Rika to make sure that Unknown is fine, but since the agency is a very secretive place and they go through everything of an agent’s possession, Rika had to take photos of Saeran and place them into a floppy disk, slip them into a thick book so that it is not easy to be found out. Seven was convinced that Saeran is all fine with all the photos taken, and has became loyal to Rika and also created the RFA messenger app for the RFA. RFA gained a lot of supporters and donation funds, but soon enough these funds came from powerful people that their information is ultimately sensitive that Rika’s crippling depression is telling her that she needs a bomb in her apartment to destroy upon having intruders. She convinced V and Seven to install the bomb even though the two men were extremely against it, but of course, as long as the bomb is in the apartment, Rika does not live there.

Sally’s death afterwards triggered Rika’s depression because Rika has been constantly blaming herself. Sally is Rika’s dog that was very old and has problems in her sight. Since Rika initially knew that Sally is already old enough, she decided not to have surgery for Sally’s eyes. However, Sally was hit by a vehicle and passed away, hence Rika constantly blames herself for not giving Sally a surgery. Despite Yoosung and V trying their best to tell her that it is not her fault, Rika’s crippling depression ate into her. V, as her fiance, tried letting her to see psychologists, but as Rika proceeds with counseling sessions, when she looked back at her conversations, she find herself having ugly, twisted thoughts. She is extremely afraid of the thoughts, but fear overtook her. Eventually, due to fear and her twisted thoughts that have ultimately changed her thoughts, views and understanding towards happiness, she became very radical. She tried telling Jumin about how she wanted to build a world with happiness because she understood that as long as someone has no desire, they will feel happy. Jumin was just in awe of how radical such thoughts are, even though he noticed that Rika has somewhat changed in a sense where she doesn’t smile and talk as much in parties, but he didn’t really knew she had a very serious depression.


These radical thoughts caused Rika to build Mint Eye, the organization that Unknown came from. Rika has strong persuasive powers, which was one of the reasons why she is an excellent party coordinator. From this part I could only assume that she somehow got Mint Eye’s building approved even though it’s in the middle of the mountains and also because of her persuasiveness she gained a lot of followers into Mint Eye and Mint Eye became some sort of religious cult that teaches Rika’s understandings of happiness. Saeran was also brought into this organization and that time, Rika literally doesn’t care who is who because her mind does not function like a normal empathic human. With the usage of drugs, Rika brainwashed Saeran and wanting to use Saeran as a tool to destroy RFA instead, because Rika thinks that the RFA is not going to bring happiness and she wants it to perish - including everyone in it. 


Saeran was trained to be a hacker just like Seven upon being brainwashed to understand that Seven abandoned him and Rika is his only saviour and Saeran should take revenge on Seven, etc. Because Seven is his twin and Rika probably had V understanding Seven’s methods in programming the servers and applications for the RFA and the apartment, Saeran was capable of studying Seven’s methods easily and could hack into the apartment’s security system and the RFA messenger. The reason MC was actually thrown there is that MC was 'chosen’ to give RFA some light of hope and destroy RFA’s hopes by all means because they were planning to kidnap MC (but it didn’t happen if you land in good/ normal ends of course). Saeran was tasked to bring the MC back to Mint Eye, but sadly he wasn’t able to (let’s assume that I’m talking about good/normal ends because I have yet to get bad ends for all characters). In Seven’s route, Saeran was seen as an intruder by the apartment’s security system because Seven has restored the system to a certain extent (but not completely), and Seven chased him away. In other routes, Saeran hacked into the system but Zen rescued her (in Zen’s route), or MC was either not at home (at Jumin’s place in Jumin’s route), or Saeran only hacked into the messenger (Jaehee’s route), and Seven hacked back to Mint Eye and Unknown was probably too  busy to deal with Seven’s damage to kidnap MC earlier (in Yoosung’s route). So basically if Seven restored the system even if MC was not there, the bomb is ended up to be used against his own twin brother. 


Since V still loves Rika, but he also wanted to protect the RFA, V ended up going to both RFA and Mint Eye. He truly cares for the RFA, but he is always, always hoping that Rika will wake up and be the past Rika. He wanted to give faith to Rika, and allowed Rika to do anything to him. He sees Rika as beautiful as how he met her, and no matter what happens to Rika or V, V told Rika that he would see Rika the same Rika that he loves. Rika’s depression and thoughts repulsed everything that V says, possibly because deep inside of Rika, she believes that she is not the same person and is probably getting uglier in V’s eyes so she find V’s words not convincing. But when her twisted thoughts took over her, Rika made V to do things that proves his love so that Rika could trust him more. But that twisted of hers caused her to injure V’s eyes, but V is such a maso that he refused treatment and he loved the pain that Rika left on him, because that is what Rika is leaving for him. Rika chose not to say anything instead but let V to get Saeran, Seven, MC and Vanderwood (secret end 1) after Seven’s ending where Vanderwood took Saeran away (thinking that it’s Seven), then Seven and MC are in Seven’s bulletproof car to rescue Saeran but ended up the agency betrayed Vanderwood and then the four escaped.


Seven, MC, Vanderwood were kidnapped to Mint Eye because Saeran contacted Mint Eye while Seven was trying to rescue Saeran from his own agency (actually from Vanderwood too but sh*t happened). And that’s when V and some other Mint Eye disciples came to get these four person.  Except for Saeran, the three were jailed. As for V, he was questioned, and V even told Rika that even Rika tear his limbs he would still love Rika regardless of what happens. Saeran, however, hates V to the core and wanted Rika to destroy him, but Rika couldn’t because she loves V deep inside despite her mind has already being twisted upside down, she ended up jailing V together with the three instead. V still had his dying phone with the RFA messenger, so Seven used it to send coordinates and Jumin gathered his army of bodyguards to the rescue, but it will take about 3 hours.


Meantime, it was noticed that Saeran was merely used like a tool, and in the secret endings you can see how it happened when Saeran was abandoned when Seven is going to join Mint Eye after a ritual (drugging ritual or some sort lol). Saeran was left with an empty promise to take revenge on Seven, but Rika shouts to Saeran that he’s useless because he couldn’t hack into Seven’s algorithms quick enough (but it’s already very quick) and it was not enough to deal damage to the RFA. If Seven joins Mint Eye, Seven will be the better hacker to deal even more damage to many other places, hence Seven is more useful. So ultimately Saeran felt toyed and trashed, and started screaming uncontrollably but all Rika did was asking her disciples to drag Saeran to brainwash with drugs again. Seven was injured by his agency back then, but he still ended up standing for Saeran and protecting Saeran by all costs, making Saeran to start to doubt about Mint Eye, and pulled out a gun and attempted to shoot Rika, but ended up V was the one being shot and Rika was shocked to the extent that she sort of woke up (Forgot to mention that the time of the gunshot was also when Jumin’s bodyguards barged in), but was not able to utter a word until V’s funeral because she realized that she loved V so much, but ended up losing him. Until V’s funeral, Rika remembered that V has told her that his presence will be like the sun to her, so all she muttered was 'sun’ and it was so tear-jerking that my mind is muddled up to even continue writing. 

Add-on: The truth was only known between Jumin, Jaehee, MC, Vanderwood, Seven and his twin bro, and probably some parts were known by the bodyguards, but not the full story. Jumin and Jaehee had to make up another story to Zen and Yoosung so RFA is never 100% transparent. The police/authorities were initially going to accuse Rika but somehow the guilt was shifted to V because he’s dead (i cri) and Saeran was admitted to the hospital while Seven got his wound treated and hacked the evidences that points towards Rika (and V?) and it just went BOOM so yay no accusing \o/ oh and also Zen has this psychic dream about Rika being taken away by bodyguards of Jumin so he and Yoosung secretly planned to throw Rika to some mental treatment sh*t in Alaska and the camp moves everywhere around Alaska indefinitely so Rika will never be accused anymore lololololol and Seven then proposes to MC with his AI door that malfunctioned in the end but it was all a happy(?) ending (without V I mean with V’s smile in the heavens) soooo yeap. :’D


Initially I adored this character (Rika) for her kindness and willingness to help people, because through that the RFA has really helped a lot of people that are in need, and I am very happy about knowing people with such thoughts and kindness. However, I’m just going to say that I do not hate Rika because of what she did, even if I do not approve Rika’s doings – especially on drugs and destroying families. But I also wish to be understanding towards Rika’s mental condition so I am absolutely neutral towards the love-and-hate thing on this character. It’s also a really long summary lol I’m sorry to sore your eyes T__T

My name is Lauren and I am a blogging virgin. I thought that I would take this leap into the big wide world of blogging as something of a new challenge, and for those of you who know me know that I love a challenge!


So my name is Lauren and I have lost a bit of weight. 147lbs to be precise and I have maintained this for 5 years. 3 years ago I had a tummy tuck where they removed 7lbs of excess skin.

I started my weight loss journey a whopping 8 years ago and at the same time I started a little YouTube channel. I really didn’t think that it would ever amount to anything much… Boy did I prove myself wrong.

In all honesty I didn’t believe that I would amount to much and who would want to watch me fail…?

So why am I writing a blog you may be asking?

Well over my 8 year life changing journey I have acquired a bit of knowledge and I thought that a blog would be a perfect platform to share my stories, tips, inspiration and help with you!!

What do you think?

What to see a snippet of me? Here is an introduction - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCypY-izMQs

Road Trip (Peter Parker)

Scenario: We’re on a miniature road trip together when my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. The heater isn’t working now, and we’re both freezing because it’s rainy out, so we’re forced to huddle under a blanket in the backseat and share body heat (and oh god this wasn’t meant to be romantic but if you keep looking at me like that I am going to kiss the shit out of you) 

Author’s Note: There are about 3,000 words to this story, which is why there’s a cut on it. I immediately fell in love with this prompt, which I think is why it didn’t take me long to write it. I’m also still working on Things You Said requests – hopefully you can expect a new one to drop tomorrow or later tonight, depending on how much finalizing I can get done. 


The road in front of you is dark, endless, and barely occupied as you continue to drive. The window is constantly being splattered with the heavy raindrops that are falling from the sky, and the heater is cracked to the top to try and battle the cold that threatens to spread itself into the car. However, despite the horrible conditions that are supposed to be putting a dark cloud over your future plans, you and Peter are anything but negative. 

“Okay,” Peter starts, reaching over to turn down the volume of the radio. “Favorite Pixar movie. Go.” 

“Oh crap, really?” You retort, looking over at him for a brief second before fixing your gaze back on the road. “You can’t make me pick my favorite. That’s horrible!” 

“Too bad,” Peter counters back in a sing-song voice, grinning over at you and laughing when you merely shake your head dryly at his antics. 

You think about your answer for a second. “Honestly though, it probably has to be The Incredibles. What about you?” 

He wrinkles his nose. “Ratatouille.” 

“That’s my second favorite!” You rebuff.

Peter thinks about this for a second. “Okay, that’s fair.” 

The pair of you share a brief laugh before it dies down enough for you to bite down on your lip in order to try and ignore the racing heart in your chest. Truth is, in spite of all your previous episodes of playful bickering, flirtation, and sexual tension, getting to be alone with Peter in a car for a five hour drive has always been something you thought you would never get to experience. 

Just being friends has always been a label you told yourself for countless weeks that you could deal with. Too bad if you’re madly into Peter and too bad if he’s never really seemed to notice your staring and too bad if he’s reportedly said that he merely sees you as an awesome sister he can joke around with and pull pranks with. It’s all part of bad timing, but you know that you need to take this with good grace. You’re nothing if not accepting of terrible fate. God knows that you’ve had to deal with this kind of situation more than once. You can get over it. Or at least try. 

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