why am i not fat yet

Why do I hate myself? Where do I begin?

I’m fat.
I’m ugly.
My thighs touch.
My stomach bulges.
I’m covered in scars.
Don’t forget the stretch marks.
My hair is gross.
I always have acne.
My nose is too big.
My arms are flappy.
My collarbone is invisible.
Hipbones? Ya right.

At least some of this could be forgotten, if my personality was ok?
But it’s not.

I’m attention seeking.
Yet I hate attention.
I can be a bitch.
And I have mega PMS.
I pretend to be smart.
Oh, and I lie.
I think I’m hilarious.
But I am soo not.
I demand attention.
Then push everyone away.
My mood changes at the flip of a coin.
I attack those who love me.
At least, who say they do.
I’m truly unlovable.
I pretend to be strong.
I pretend to be an inspiration.
I pretend to have my shit together.
But all I am doing,
Is pretending.

Why do I hate myself?

Why wouldn’t I?

—  (via story-of-a-sad-teen)


So. Prompto. Nifilheim. Let’s talk about some shit. 

Nifilheim breeds humans like livestock to use in their experiments. These humans are branded and numbered at birth. Probably categorized too maybe Idk. So Prompto has this bar code tattooed on his wrist. A key code that can open doors in Nifilheim bases. I always wondered why he always wore that ugly wristband… And now the bracelets but those are cute so I didn’t really question those. He probably has some markings on his arm too. An ID number maybe? That would explain the bandana. We all know it was hiding something. Prompto was born to be turned into a daemon. He somehow escaped the base as a baby or a toddler. He was with Noct in elementary school at age 8, so he must have been too little to remember. I hope his DLC tells us wtf happened and how tf he got into Lucis, Insomnia too of all places damn. So that explains why he had a sad and lonely childhood living alone, no family, no friends, living off of fast food because he can’t cook and it’s cheap so he got fat (I relate rip), and not having a chance to develop or learn any social skills. Thus him being far too nervous to approach Noct when they were kids. Back to the main theory I want to discuss. I am honestly surprised no one has made this connection yet… But I see how it could be very easily overlooked. There is a boss fight in a certain familiar cave we all know. Fociaugh Hollow. We need to go find Ramuh’s totem or whatever, that’s cool. We’ve been in there before in a certain wonderful demo. However, something is very wrong here this time, and it is way more significant than we think. The Naga. She’s a daemon created by Nifilheim, as are all of the daemons. She was once a human… Being breeded… Before being horribly experimented on and transformed into a giant snake daemon. Why does that matter, hmm? Because she says something very, very interesting. She says “My baby…” and grabs, who else? Prompto. She rips Prompto off of the cliff, claiming he is her baby. Is that really what she meant? Possibly. Was she just angry at the intruders? Probably. However, she continues with the weirdly specific dialogue with the boys. She asks Noctis, “My baby… Where?” Now, this might not seem significant, but it’s the answer options that make it so. Noct can answer with “I don’t know”, or “I know where.” Maybe he just wants to bluff to get out of it. Maybe. However if you say you do know where, she immediately claims that you stole him from her. Why would you steal a baby Naga? Why wouldn’t she think “oh you know where he is? Can you bring him here/take me to him?” Maybe because she’s a mindless killing machine? No. She knows where her son is. She wants him back. She misses her baby. She is not just a mindless, heartless killing machine at all. The human who lost her baby is still in there, crying out for her son. Of course, these boys have no idea that’s even the case or that turning humans into daemons is even possible at this point. At this point in the game, they still have no idea where these daemons are coming from, and they still think the MTs are just machines, not daemons inside electronic exoskeletons. Prompto has no clue either. He doesn’t know his mother could be a daemon now. He’s just panicking and freaking out that a giant slimey snake monster just ripped him off of a cliff in a dark scary cave. But that daemon could very possibly be, and probably is, what has become of Prompto’s mother. And the saddest part is, she knows. She knows full well. She recognized him. She knew that was her baby. She knew (assumed) Noct took him from her. When really neither Noct or Prompto have any idea at all who she really is or what happened to her or baby Prompto. She was sad. She wanted her son back. And what’s even more sad? Her son was the one who ended up killing her. 

i love fanfiction, reading and writing, but sometimes it really frustrates me

you know how people have the endless discourse over Hermione’s skin colour, right? Well, I think it’s great everyone has their headcanon, and my Hermione is white (because I’m white and i’m sorry but when I read the books as a kid I was really connected to her and I saw myself as her).

So naturally when I read fanfiction - I low-key imagine myself as Hermione. And I get why authors do that - I truly do, I do it too. But whenever I’m reading something like “her perfect skin” or “her tight flat stomach” or any other dscription of her physical appearance (that goes for any character, I’m just using Hermione as an example) my hand immediately goes to my face to check if that damn pimple went away yet. And I am suddenly so aware of how fat I am. How absolutely un-flat, un-perfect my stomach is. How there is not a single chance that I believe that someone would ever “looked at her, his eyes hooded and dark, and said ”You’re perfect.”

I don’t think I could avoid this in my writing too. 

I’m not even sure this post has a point, I’m just sad.

The Scars You Hold - A Young!Remus Lupin Smut/Fluff

Request: Hi, could you please do a young!Remus Lupin imagine where he is in a relationship with Y/N and they are about to go to the newt step but he is a bit anxious because of the scars he has on his body (because of greyback) and y/n is very protective and shows him that she loves him and she touches his scars and everything.

You and Remus had been dating for over a year; a year six months and three days to be exact, not that you were counting. But the thing is, you still hadn’t had sex. It was odd, you knew that Remus wanted to, and you most certainly wanted to, but every time you ‘made the move’, for lack of better phrase. he froze up. You started to feel a bit insecure about it now, were you not appealing to him in that way? These are the thoughts that went through your head as you kissed Remus on his bed and you then found yourself pulling away from your lip-lock to look at him, he had a sort of dazed expression; his lips were swollen and pink; his face flushed and his chest was heaving; eyes almost fully black. “Remus…” You trailed off tentatively and he looked at you confusedly “Why haven’t we slept together yet?”

Remus gulped and cleared his throat slightly “We slept together las-”

“You know what I mean Remus” You snapped and he flinched “Is it me? Am I not good enough for you? Am I too fat, too thin? What is it Remus?”

He was shaking his head sharply and took your cheeks in his hands “It’s not you, love, I-I… I’m scarred Y/n, I’m disgusting they’re everywhere. Greyback - he-he… when he attacked me he left a lot of scars, as did I during my full moons. I would scratch and bite myself and I have mauled my body and it’s- it’s hideous Y/n”

He wasn’t looking at you but staring determinedly at his red and gold blanket.

You clenched your jaw as your hands went out to the bottom of his patched and frayed jumper “Take it off Remus” You demanded softly

Remus looked frightened but he didn’t disobey, instead he raised his hand and you slowly peeled the jumper off and stared at his naked chest. He was right on some level, he was scared and they were deep and red but they weren’t hideous. To you they just showed how strong he is. You slowly crawled onto his lap and he gasped as he laid down on the bed, you dipped your head down and pressed feather light kisses over the marks and he stopped breathing for a moment as your lips trailed from the scar on his lover abdomen to the one on his chest before you made you way up to his soft, plump lips. He responded back immediately and you smiled into the kiss as he pulled your own jumper over your head. He pulled back for a moment to look at you questionably and you nodded and then your bra was joining the jumpers on the floor. You slowly undressed each other, pulling off every piece of clothing before you looked at each other. The moment you had waited for for so long was finally here.

Remus flipped the both of you over and kissed you repeatedly on the lips “You are so damn beautiful” He said

You smiled softly as you traced the lines of his scars with your fingertips and this time he did not flinch at the contact “I love you”

And then he softly pushed himself inside of you and it was painful, beyond any pain you had ever experienced and he was kissing your lips and face softly as small tears trailed slowly down your cheeks. “I know it hurts, love, but it will go soon I promise”

“I know; I just need a moment” You said and after a few moments of Remus repeatedly whispering sweet nothings of comfort in your ear you were finally read to move, you bucked your hips forwards and backwards and Remus began to move to. The pain was still there but it was receding to pleasure and you could not help the small moans and callings of Remus’ name that spilled from your mouth as you both found your rhythm. 

You placed kisses all over Remus’ arms and chest as you felt your high come, it was an unworldly feeling and you felt completely blissful as you felt heat flush your body and you involuntarily gave a loud moan. Remus continued to move in and out of you riding out your orgasm until his came and when it did he pulled you to him and kissed you deeply before you were both collapsing onto his pillows sweaty and exhausted yet completely and utterly in love.

“I love you Remus; I am completely and utterly head over heels for you and the scars that you hold”

P90X3- Keep going

I’m in week 1 of Phase 3. And here’s the truth.

You WILL lose more weight in Phase 1.

Phase 2 is muscle building to PREPARE you for the fat shredding in Phase 3. You will lose almost NO weight. But you WILL lose inches.

Phase 3 is where the fat will almost melt off. 

You MUST be eating clean.

The scale is NOT everything and it does NOT define who you are. Keep in mind throughout the day you fluctuate abut 5 lbs up and down.

You MUST take before and after pictures. Seeing yourself everyday in the mirror blinds you to what’s actually happening.

You MUST measure yourself. See above.

You MUST drink a shit ton of water. EVERY DAY. You’d be surprised how much water retention can weight you down.

P90X3 is NOT just a program. It’s a transition into a lifestyle change.

And if you DON’T understand that, then you will NEVER keep the weight off and get to where you want to be.

My stats so far:

Sex: Female

Age: 22

Height: 5'2"

Frame size: Medium 

Start weight: 210

P90X3 start weight: 160

Current weight: 147

Ultimate goal weight: 120-125ish? (idk, we’ll see what happens….?)

Lost 9 lbs in Phase 1 (and about 2 inches). Lost NO WEIGHT IN PHASE 2, but lost 10 inches all over. Nearing the end of week 1 of Phase 3 and have lost 4 lbs already (no joke).

I’ve never been this lean in my life. I’ve never had this much muscle in my life. I’ve never been this happy in my life. I’ve been “that girl”. The fat girl all my life. I don’t even UNDERSTAND what it means to be “skinny” or “fit”. I still don’t. I cried tears of joy in the fitting room the first time I fit into a size medium shirt. Whispering, “I’m doing it. I’m doing it,” to myself in the mirror.

And yet the woman looking back at me in the mirror is so foreign to my own eyes. So different from what I’ve been. My arms are all muscle with no fat. The fat I always thought would be there. My stomach is my problem area, yet when I lie down, it’s flat. I run my hands over it sometimes in wonder because it’s wonderful and beautiful and my life has been changed forever by this journey.

The journey of loving yourself.

And this is why I am sharing with you all.

Don’t you give up. It’s not worth it.

Can you hear me?

Are you listening?




It’s okay to feel defeated. It’s okay to cry or get frustrated or to give yourself that cheat once in a while. But food is not the enemy. 

Humans are emotional, but you must learn to discipline your emotions or they will use you. Behind your feelings is nothing, but behind every principle is a promise. Get back up.



Someone posted recently about the crap people get for being fat AND disabled, especially fat chair users.

And I want to point out, as always, an observation I’ve noticed, like… I’ve discussed this with other chair users, when I was a chair user, and we’d all noticed it.

Which was that chair users tend more than you’d expect, towards both extremes of the human weight range. Like either fat or skinny. Especially powerchair users.

After talking with each other, we figured it was probably because of a couple of things:

1. Medical conditions that cause you to need a chair, can also cause you to be fat, or skinny.

2. Being immobilized a lot of the time (true of some manual chair users and most powerchair users) can cause you to gain weight. And if you don’t gain weight from being immobilized, it may be because you have a condition that’s going to limit your weight gain anyway, making you unusually thin.

In other words, if you ACTUALLY see a lot of fat people out there in chairs, it’s not because they’re using the chairs because they’re fat and/or lazy (which most people see as equivalent), it’s most likely because whatever caused them to need the chairs also caused them to gain weight, or the immobility involved in being a full-time powerchair user caused them to gain weight.

And also?

If someone’s genuinely fat enough to need a wheelchair, then that is a disability. Because the definition of needing a wheelchair, is being unable to sufficiently get around without one. It’s not limited to certain conditions but not others. So when being fat is the main condition causing the situation, it still fucking counts as a legitimate disability.

(And don’t tell me that it’s different because “they brought it on themselves”. Even if that were true – and it usually isn’t – then you might as well tell people with emphysema due to smoking to stop using oxygen or wheelchairs if they can’t walk far. And you might as well tell all those young male paraplegics who seem to be everyone’s go-to example of a legitimate wheelchair user, that those of them – a lot of them – who got that way due to youthful daredevil bullshit, should give up their chairs. Just… No. And don’t even pretend you treat all these situations equally, because you clearly don’t.)

But also, something I’ve noticed? People who have never been fat, have an incredibly screwed-up notion of how fat you have to be before you have enough trouble walking places that you would even be tempted to try a wheelchair.

First off, manual wheelchairs are incredibly difficult to push, whether you use your arms, your legs, or both. And walking is almost always easier unless you have a condition that seriously limits your ability to walk without encountering problems. Powerchairs are not physically difficult but they are cognitively demanding on the order of driving a car over ice, especially if you have crappy sidewalks to deal with, which nearly everyone does. I actually found using a powerchair too exhausting sometimes, when I used one – and I had a deluxe model that would tilt me back into an almost lying-down position so that my body didn’t even have to strain to pump blood. (I had undiagnosed and untreated adrenal insufficiency and myasthenia gravis combining to wreak havoc with my body’s ability to move or be upright at all.)

Like… The moment that I could walk again, I did walk again, because it was just plain easier than using a wheelchair. I never hesitated. It wasn’t because of stigma. It was because it’s just so much easier to walk if you’re at all able to walk. Using a wheelchair is in no way the lazy option – even though it kind of should be, if they were designing them better. (Because it should take as little effort as possible. But it ’s very hard to design something artificially that’s as effortless to do as walking is for the average nondisabled person. Especially when they’re not trying hard enough to design that way anyway – most assistive tech is designed more for the benefit of professionals than of disabled people.)

Anyway, so…

…even a relative of mine, someone who had never been fat, suggested at one point that maybe my weight was a factor in what was keeping me bedridden and in a powerchair. This was before the severe adrenal insufficiency and myasthenia gravis were diagnosed, obviously. But they actually thought this.

Understand: I was about 220 pounds when they said this to me.

220 pounds is nowhere near the weight range where being fat affects your ability to do ordinary things like walk around the house without collapsing into a limp puddle and being literally unable to push yourself up again, and then going hot and cold and throwing up and geting all kinds of weird medical symptoms, and potentially risking your life.

Like, it’s nowhere near the range where you’d even get winded doing ordinary things, let alone the life-threatening symptoms I was experiencing.

Yet being fat was the first thing this person thought of when they thought of my having severe exercise intolerance. (Which, yes, is an actual medical symptom, not a synonym for being out of shape or lazy.)

I have a friend who is much fatter than I’ve ever been, and also disabled. But before they were severely physically disabled (they have always been physically disabled to some extent, but only now is it severe) they were a hard-core cyclist with incredible stamina. Not someone who needed a wheelchair to get around because they were fat. And this was in the 300-400 pound range. Which is getting to where some people might have physical problems because of their weight, but it’s by no means universal even at that weight.

I’ve never even approached that – the most I’ve weighed in my entire life was 245 pounds, and most of the time I’ve been in a chair I’ve been in the 170-220 pound range, with my weight fluctuating wildly at times because of medical issues. And yet I’ve had people assume that my being fat was why iw as in a wheelchair.

And I think that people who have never been fat, greatly overestimate the amount that someone’s weight has an effect on their stamina overall. Like, it can have an effect on your stamina, but not to the degree these people are assuming. I’ve never had my weight significantly affect my stamina. Never. I’ve had disabilities severely affect my stamina, but the moment those disabilities are mitigated in some way, the stamina problems go away and my weight has never been a barrier to my ability to walk around.

(Also I think thin people don’t estimate people’s weight very accurately to begin with. People online who have seen me in photos routinely describe me as at least 100 pounds heavier than I am. Like when I was 190 pounds, people said I was 300 pounds, and when I was 245, people said I was 400 pounds. This is like, not a little overestimation, but a huge overestimation. And I always wondered why that was, because it seemed pretty consistent. Like the majority of the time people were giving me massive amounts of crap for weighing “300 pounds”, I hadn’t even reached 200 yet. At this point BTW I’m about 195, despite a tube-fed diet of less than 1500 calories most days. Go figure.)

As I said though – if someone’s fat enough that being fat is the main reason they use a wheelchair, that’s absolutely a legit reason to use a wheelchair, and a legit disability.

Also, honestly? There shouldn’t be illegitimate reasons to use a wheelchair. Because there’s nothing about a wheelchair that truly differentiates it from a bicycle. Nobody measures your ability to walk a particular distance before they’ll let you use a bicycle to go an even further distance faster. But they do it all the time with wheelchairs.

There was ANOTHER post recently, all about that – about why it’s damn near impossible to apply the concept of “appropriation” to assistive technology, and why people shouldn’t even try, because all they end up doing is unmasking their own ableism in the process.

It’d be really cool to see the post about fatphobia in the disability community combined with the “why you can’t actually appropriate a wheelchair” post, because the two realy go together. (I really hate the way the word “appropriation” has come to be used in ways it was never intended. It’s supposed to be about stealing elements of someone’s culture that are not supposed to be used by people outside of that culture. It really doesn’t apply to assistive technology unless you have some very fucked-up ideas about disability and assistive technology. Which lots of people unfortunately do, including lots of disabled people who get weirdly possessive about technology that in no way is or should be exclusive to our use. A lot of advances in technology in general for all people have been propelled by advances in assistive technology – this was even highlighted at an MIT conference I went to that invited companies from all over the place to base innovations for all people on innovations developed for disabled people. Don’t get me started on the fatphobia THERE, though – I remember being the only fat person sitting in on a conversation where people were discussing ways to build uncomfortable chairs so call center workers would be “forced to stand up and take breaks so they’d lose weight”, which managed to be ableist, classist, and fatphobic all at the same time, as well as showing that none of them had ever worked in a call center, because you’d get fired if you actually took those breaks.)

One thing I’d say though is that the idea that everyone everywhere regardless of disability has judged fat wheelchair users… That was in that original post. I’d say that idea is almost true but not entirely true. Because I can’t recall ever in my life, even for a second, looking at a fat person in a wheelchair and thinking “That person is just lazy because they’re fat and shouldn’t be in a wheelchair.” And I’m not saying that to sound better than people – nobody can entirely help the thoughts that flit through their head for a second, and we all have internalized prejudice of one kind or another. But I’ve just never had that particular manifestation of that particular prejudice. And I’m pretty sure I’m not alone there.

OTOH I have a crapload of internalized fatphobia that I point at myself, not about wheelchair use but about other things, and I have never figured out how to get rid of it.

TL;DR: Don’t judge fat wheelchair users. They’re likely either fat because of the same things that put them in the chair, or fat because they’re immobilized so much. But even if they’re in the chair for being fat, that’s a legit disability. And people should be able to use a chair for any reason they want. Including that they just like wheelchairs. There’s nothing inherent to a wheelchair that says that only certain kinds of people should use it. Also chairs are much harder to use that you’d think, so most people who use them actually need them, because it’s way easier just to walk even if you don’t walk very well. It takes a pretty severe disability to make using a chair the more attractive option, and some people resist using one even then.

Chubbies: Part 6 (Community Story)

Written by Gainer Stories

Gabe recommended another fattening meal to Eryk and threw in a free milk shake. Eryk seemed quite bashful during their encounter, so Gabe mustered the courage to ask him out again. Eryk cracked a massive smile and they agreed to work out the details over text. 

At the end of the day Michael invited Gabe out for Korean BBQ. Michael had and Gabe first had breakfast together a few weeks ago and the two had a great time. Michael had put Gabe on the spot about his noticeable weight gain, and ended up coming out as a gainer himself. Since then, the two had grown close and got food together frequently. Gabe enjoyed having someone to talk to about gainer stuff and liked Michael a lot as a person. He could tell that Michael had a crush on him, and while Gabe found him attractive, he was more interested in pursuing a relationship with Eryk.

They had an expansive meal at the Korean BBQ place that included two plates of appetizers, three entrees, and a pitcher of beer. By the end of it they were both bloated, tipsy, and becoming flirtatious. Michael leaned back in his chair to stretch, leaving his beach ball of a gut on full display for Gabe. Gabe was surprised to notice bright red stretch marks hidden under Michael’s thick layer of body hair and felt a twinge in his cock. Michael grinned as he finished stretching and leaned in close to ask Gabe out to a bar.

The two ended up at a divey bear bar that was pretty empty for a Friday night. Michael bought Gabe a whiskey drink that tasted like straight liquor. He winced at the first sip, but kept on drinking. 

“So, am I the only one transfixed by the pot belly Jimbo’s been growing?” Michael asked.

Gabe chuckled, “I know! He’s piling it on faster than my fat ass!“ 

“Slow down there honey, you’re hardly a fat ass. Yet…” Michael laughed and winked at Gabe. 

“Whatever,” Gabe continued. “He actually asked me to touch his new tattoo that ran around those juicy love handles. Can you believe that? Oh! And he said that his girlfriend broke up with him because he’s too fat or something. Isn’t that wild? Like why would he be telling me all this?”

“He’s a closet gainer, I swear.” Michael replied. “Maybe he just doesn’t realize it yet, but that boy is a bisexual fatty in the making.”

“You think he’s queer?”

“I think he wouldn’t say ‘no’ if the timing was right.”

“I could see it!” Gabe laughed. “Fuck, not gonna lie, but I’ve definitely masturbated to that man before!”

“I have an idea,” Michael grinned mischievously. “Why don’t we make a bet to see which of us can seduce that pudgy ass hipster first?”

“You’re bad…" 

"It could be fun. Loser has to… hmm… do GOMAD for two weeks.” Michael postulated.

Gabe took a big gulp of his drink and replied, “I’m in.”

The two continued to discuss Jimbo’s softening form, building a story of how he got this way. They decided he seemed like a stoner who loved cheap snacks, pizza and beer. He was definitely a skinny boy in high school who’s metabolism was beginning to fade. As the two were traded fantasies about Jimbo they were becoming increasingly aroused. Michael had been noticeably flirting all night, and after a few drinks Gabe was giving in to Michael’s tactics.

After sharing that Jimbo had a soft and doughy gut as compared to Michael’s firm and round form, Michael asked Gabe what his belly felt like. Gabe lifted up his shirt and invited Michael to cop a feel. Michael stood up to reveal a fat boner straining against his pants. He placed a hand on Gabe’s stomach and gave it a soft jiggle. 

“Supple but not too soft,” he said.

“My ass is even fatter,” Gabe replied and stepped closer to Michael. “Wanna feel?”

Michael slipped his hand down the back of Gabe’s pants and squeezed the fat hunk of flesh that was his right butt cheek. Gripping Gabe’s ass, Michael pulled his waist closer so their boners mashed up against one another as they began to make out. They drunkenly groped each other’s chubby bodies for a few minutes before Michael invited Gabe back to his place. They decided to do one more shot of whiskey and left. 

The two were sloppily making out as they stumbled into the apartment. Michael threw Gabe onto the couch and began to strip off his tight clothes. Michael was surprised to see just how beefy Gabe really was, especially his thighs and ass. 

“You’re really becoming quite the fat boy, huh?” Michael purred.

Gabe nodded and placed Michael’s hand on his squishy love handle. Before long they were both naked and exploring each other’s curves and folds. Michael seemed particularly aroused by Gabe’s thighs as he continuously jiggled, bit, and slapped them. Gabe was overwhelmed with Michael’s musky masculine scent, jamming his nose and mouth into any spot that smelled: his neck rolls, arm pits, under belly, and fat pad. Eventually Gabe mounted Michael’s engorged member and began riding him as Michael sat upright. 

Gabe’s sweaty fat rolls jiggled as he bounced up and down, leaving Michael transfixed by the undulating flesh. Michael was constantly slapping and grabbing Gabe’s thighs and ass in between groaning “ride it chubs.” After nearly forty minutes of soft, sweaty, drunken sex, and fucking in a variety of positions, Gabe couldn’t help but shoot a massive load across the room with Michael following shortly after.

The two layed stuck to one another for several minutes. Michael broke the silence and said: “Mmm, let’s order some pizzas." 

Every other chapter of this community story is written by a different author from the gaining community. If you’d like to participate, please read the introductory post here. Happy fapping! 

I received an awesome entry for Part 7, so submissions are now closed! It will be posted next week. Keep an eye out!

Truth or Dare

Luke Hemmings

Requested: Yes

Hi I have this idea for an imagine but it might be too similar to crush and crushed so if you think it is you don’t have to do it, but it’s where you’re on tour with them as like makeup or something and Luke likes you and when you first go on tour with them you all play truth or dare and they find out you’re a Virgin and then for like a year Calum always jokingly asks you if you still are and you say no and Luke overhears and is like sad. Ty if you do but I get that it might be too similar x

Luke’s POV

“I’m bored.” Calums voice rang clear over the background music. The party had died down, and we were all left chilling and laughing in groups scattered around the living room with all our favourite people. Y/N rolled her eyes.

“When are you not?” She sat next to me as she giggled, causing a warmth to spread through my chest as Calum glared at her, his eyes narrowing at the large glass bottle that was almost empty in her hands.

“Truth or dare.” He shouted, ripping it out of her grasp and downing the last gulp to her protests. I silently reached over the arm of the sofa, grabbing a fresh beer and handing her it as she grinned at me. We arranged ourselves in a messy circle, legs crosses haphazardly as he crouched to place the bottle. “I’m asking first. Whoever it lands on spins the bottle after they answer the question and ask whoever it lands on. Capiche?”

“We know how to play, you loser.” Michael sounded as Calum pshhed him and waved him away. He spun the bottle cleanly, eyes narrowing as it landed on Y/N, turning with an unsubtle wink to me as I looked at the floor, cheeks flaring red.

“Truth.” She gulped half of the beer as Calum tapped his chin thoughtfully. He got one, the idea crossing his face as he smiled wickedly.

“Describe, in vivid detail, the last person you had sex with.” The circle whooped as her face didn’t change at all, my stomach dropping instantly as I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to hear less. She smiled pleasantly.

“That would be a big fat no one.” My head cocked at her answer as she kept eye contact with Calum shamelessly, smiling wider when he choked on his beer.

“Virgin?!” He spluttered as she laughed.

“Yeah, I am. Just because we’re the same age and you have doesn’t mean I have.”

“But why not? How not?” Calum stuttered, his eyes wide. “But you’re hot!” She shrugged, biting her lip slightly.

“No one right has come along yet.” My heart pounded painfully.

That meant I was out of the question.

Weeks had passed and there wasn’t a day that Calum didn’t ask if she was still a virgin. It turned to harmless banter as it appeared that she really, really didn’t care, and she barely even listened to him anymore. He teased her, but as soon as he opened his mouth she knew the answer was still ‘yes’. It became a standing joke as the weeks turned into months of tour. Every morning when she was doing our hair and makeup, Calum would wink at her and ask.

My crush turned into a landslide as I became more and more hopelessly infatuated, feeling incredibly confused with my mixed feeling at her answer. Until I really realised that it was the better one.

We were groggy and whiney, the half four start killing us slowly. Good Morning America required a performance and then a short break, until we had a mini interview about our new album.

Calum was out of it as she tiredly sorted us out, and for once the question wasn’t the first thing on his lips. We were all too busy gulping coffee by the pint as she tried to work around it. However, the euphoria of being on stage and doing a full out concert with our fans screaming at us was enough to wake us properly for the day as we finished it for our half hour break for lunch and makeup touch ups.

She was waiting for us as we bounced in, still on a certain high from our coffee as I made my way to the chair first where her small hands carefully messed up my hair.

“Hey, Y/N, I was sooo tired this morning,” Calum dragged his words out from the sofa where he and the other boys were sprawled on their phones. Ashton and Michael looked up for a second, a smile crossing their faces as they went back to their business. “So I feel rude for not asking. How’s the virgin life suiting you?” She grinned as she applied some powder to my cheeks, my lip snagging in between my teeth as my nerves ached in anticipation, as they did every day at this question.

“Apparently the sex life is a much better shape for me.” She laughed as they all did a double take, my mouth dropping open as my heart pounded. My throat tightened as Calum rushed to her.

“You, you aren’t a virgin anymore!” He shouted in her face as she nodded.

“That’s right.” She went back to me to apply some more powder as I jumped out of the chair. “Luke, I’m not done!” I grabbed my coat, wallet and phone as the boys watched me, confused.

“Gotta go,” I squeaked slightly as I coughed to deepen my voice. “Won’t make it to the interview. Sorry.” I left before they could see the tears in my eyes.

She found the one.

Hope this was ok for you!

You can request any type of writing here!

Also, like, most of my feelings of inadequacy can be traced to having strict/abusive parents. I legitimately think that I’m hideous, fat, unintelligent, untalented, and worthless, just because my parents have told me that I am. I’ve had to see a therapist because of it, yet my parents constantly talk about how it’s a huge inconvenience for them, and that my mental illnesses aren’t real. That’s why I had to stop seeing a therapist. There’s a point at which the heightened level of abuse (as a result of going to therapy) just negates the therapy itself.

SeAson 1 - AriA (part 2)

(If you haven’t seen my part 1 then click here.)

In this post I’ll either talk about which scenes point towards Aria being -A ( doing something -A related) or just post a screencap of her being shady like she always is. :) Oh, and I’ll be posting these right up until S6, so stay tuned! 

1x11 - Moments later 

-We all know very well that this episode and the previous one was definitely revolved around Aria. It is later revealed that Noel was the one to write the message on Ezra’s car. But before that, we see Aria making eye contact with Noel. Now this isn’t the first we haven’t seen a weird scene with the two. I previously have done a post that includes a scene with Naria (lol), so check it out here if you would like to. 


Emily: You think they were just trying to scare us?

Aria: Well it worked! 

-Seriously Aria? You can clearly tell Aria had something to do with Hanna’s accident. Emily and Spencer are  totally clueless and didn’t have nothing to do with this drama. Where was Aria before she decided to get in Ezra’s car? We didn’t see her go anywhere else apart from going inside the car… 


Spencer: This was never about scaring us!! That was just a bonus

-As soon as Spencer says that, the camera immediatley turns to Aria. See how guilty she looks? 


Aria: I didn’t just get into his car last night, who do you think I am?

-“WHO DO YOU THINK I AM?”. A.k.a as a big fat clue.

1x13 - Know your frenemies

Want the money? Sit there and eat every one. –A

I found this scene really weird… It’s like as if Aria had made sure that Hanna saw Noel walking by, to confirm her that Noel is infact -A (For those who haven’t caught up to season 6 yet, Noel isn’t -A, unfortunatley. Sorry.) 


I’m guessing Aria was there to see if Hanna was okay? But we all know she was there to see if Hanna did get the money, which is why when she ask Hanna “Hey… You okay?” Hanna replies with “Yeah! I’m okay.” and a big smile, which is obviously means that Hanna has recieved her money. -A seems to be everywhere with the girls when they recieve notes/texts, so does Aria… 

Maril Davis Twitter Q&A (it’s very long)  | Dec. 9, 2016

MARIL DAVIS:  Mini-Q and A anyone? @Outlander_STARZ

FAN: Tiny questions or short time period?
MARIL:  hahahah. Short time period

what are you most excited to begin working on?
you mean outlander scenes?

yay!!!  How many rehearsals are needed before filming a scene?
depends on what kind of scene it is. Some take extra rehearsals while others don’t take too many

how far along is S3? Lots of time on a ship?
we’re almost halfway through

Sooo… Do you think you’ll have a “welcome back to Scotland” party from the cast and crew?
LOL, no. I go back and forth way to often for it to be a big deal!

where are you bringing in the new year?
I’ll be in Scotland when 2017 rears its head!

What’s you favourite place in Glasgow? (nearly asked everyone now )
hmmm. Hard to say. Most of my favourite places are restaurants! (I like to eat!) But I ️love Glasgow university and that area

have all the new characters started filming?
no. We will continue to add new cast as we go

What block are you up too?
we are about to start block four

Everyone is excited about the print shop scene. What are YOU excited to see on scene in Season 3?
Print shop is probably right up there for me too

Will you be going to South Africa when they film there? When r they scheduled to move filming there!
yes, I will. Just not sure when yet. And we will not go until next year

What is your favorite outlander scene and why?
I can’t possibly pick one scene. Too many.

What are you shooting in Block 4 ?
lol. Can’t tell you.

are you going to South Africa as well?

We’ve recently seen @SamHeughan sporting Seattle football. How do us Oregonians get him to wear Portland hockey?
Not sure I can help. I ️love sports but not a huge hockey fan. If he’s wearing anything it should be DUCKS gear!

how much longer until we might hear word of a premiere date.. any new casting you can share?
I don’t know. Starz usually decides on timings of announcements.

what are you especially excited about for Season 3?
hmmm. Print shop and stuff on the ships. And the start of the season is fab

did you get the special nougat related little something from @OutlanderFrance
I didn’t but I’m just returning to Scotland 

How much of Jamie below decks will we endure?
not sure how to answer this. You want a percentage? :P

Given the scope of S3, was it harder than previous seasons to find locations?
every season seems to get more challenging!

How long does it typically take to film one ep, incl rehearsals, table reading, etc?
every episode takes 12 days to shoot on average

How fun and amazing are the 1950s and 60s scenes?
I love the ‘50’s and '60’s stuff.

When should we expect some promo to start?!
no idea although we just did our first publicity shoot!

What is your favorite wintertime activity?
lately it’s sleeping!!

Are your  packed for South Africa?
not even close. Still have time

How has your life changed since #Outlander? 
I’m ten thousand times busier and I travel ten times as much! :P and I’ve obviously met a lot of great people!

What will be your focus during this trip to Scotland?
the last two weeks of shooting (before the holidays)

what has been your biggest adjustment to living in Scotland?
the cold and the food.

Were the same writers taking care of both time frames, or were they divided up ?
we have different writers for every episode so everyone will get different stuff. We divide by script not by time periods

Christmas time- real tree or fake tree?
no tree. I celebrate Hanukkah

Casting has been brilliant - but who of the new cast for season 3 has really exceeded your expectations?
they’ve all been amazing but not all of them have been shooting regularly. So we’ll have to wait and see!

You stuck mid travel and bored? How is the weather on your side of the world?
I am mid travel. Have not reached my destination yet

well you should sleep but will we see Williughby?

What are the warmest boots for wearing on the set?
honestly that’s still something i haven’t figured out in 3 seasons. But I wear Columbia bugaboots

what is your favorite #outlander episode so far??
can’t pick a favourite. Plus I’ve only seen a couple in finished staged so far.

has there been any prep for S4?
we’re definitely starting to talk about it. We have to. No break this year. Just roll into the next season

Is @SamHeughan still the biggest slacker on set?
lol. No, he’s an incredibly hard worker (Sam-you can pay me later)

How many times do you fly across the pond in one year?
I seem to be on a month in LA, month in Scotland schedule at the moment

Print shop anything you can give fans even a word??
i think it’s going to be great

binge watching anything?
just finished @TheCrown Loved it!

Pleased with Dailies?
yes, very

any casting news ? HAL? Still waiting on that from episode one lol
Hal was cast a while ago I think they just didn’t release the news! He’s great BTW

favorite Outlander book?
Favorites are the Original and then A Breath of Snow and Ashes

Keep reading


Posted this on Facebook after seeing yet another former coworker engaging in fatphobic nonsense.

“I am so sick and tired of seeing so many people’s hang ups and internalized fat phobia. You really and honestly think a PIXAR character that portrays a CHILD is wondering Why they don’t look good in a bikini? Do you ever stop and think what you’re doing and saying isn’t harmful and exclusionary?

Here’s my big, FAT pale ass in a bikini. If you don’t like it, delete me. I don’t need your toxicity in my life.”

Two sides of my mind

I want so badly to get better
>>I want so badly to continuing losing weight

Psh 1200 calories is the recommended amount for a 5 year old. You need way more than that!!
>>I ate 300 calories and feel like a cow

This medicine will help ease my anxiety and depression, I deserve to take it to aid my recovery
>>I don’t do ‘medicine’ …oh wait unless it’s caffeine pills, diet pills, water pills, or laxatives…stock me up on those.

Recovery is worth it
>>The weight loss is worth it

I deserve help. This is not okay. I am sick enough.
>>I need to lose more weight before I can get help for this. I’m not skinny enough to need help yet. I’m okay.

You will never be happy if you focus on a number
>>I’m not happy right now, buuuuuut maybe if I lose a few more pounds I will be

It’s just water weight. Don’t worry what the scale says you didn’t really gain that much weight from one meal
>>I just gained so much weight from that food. I hate myself. Why did I eat that. I should purge. Oh my god I feel so fat.

Food will not make me fat. Food is filled with nutrients that will fuel my body! Take me long runs! Keep my skin and hair healthy and glowing!
>>Food will make me fat. If I’m fat I won’t be confident and people will judge me. I’ll judge myself. Food is bad. Either restrict or purge. There is no other choice.

I am letting this disorder control me and it needs to stop. I need help.
>>Purging/Restricting is a way for me to be in control. I am the one in control.

You don't have to read...

How is life? How’s life without someone?
I have friends yet I feel lonely.
I don’t know why but I do.
I want to talk to them but I always change the subject.
They want to help, but I push it away.
What the fuck do I want?!
I look at myself and ask why am I so ugly?
Why am I so fat?
Why am I annoying?
I can’t figure myself out.
I don’t know what I want…
I want to hurt myself too actually have a reason to cry.
They look at me like a freak.
I wish I was smart at least but I fail.
I want to have someone who really truly cares.
Many say they do but when times get tough?
Where are they?
No one wants to phone me
No one wants to text me
How the fuck are they being there for me?
My damn head hurts so bad, I want to shut everything up and sit in quiet without my thoughts.
The people who make fun of me think I’m alright. Once I’m alone I sit and cry by myself.
Pain in my heart, pain in my skin.
Nobody cares until they see.
They say they don’t want me dead.
I say I don’t want to be alone and sad.
They say they care but they never show it.
They think I want help!
All I want is someone to be there and talk to me and make me smile.
A real smile…
How can someone tell me that it’s wrong if they don’t know why?
Every fucking day at school it’s the same old story, I’m always being reminded of how awful I am.
Sure when I’m with my friends….I try to distract myself.
They don’t understand
I wish they did
When I’m gone, they will say it’s they’re fault but truly it was mine. I make myself feel like this, I let my thoughts take over. I fail and give up easily. I leave others. I walk away from happiness.

anonymous asked:

But even though the fat girls are ok, Islam urges us to take care of our health and our bodies because they are a blessing from God. So fat people are not doing what they are supposed to do because they aren't taking care of themselves. Why offer them publicity?

”I am responding to this not because it deserves a response, but for any of my followers out there who encounter this terrible attitude and don’t know how to respond, or struggle with these issues.

1. Fat people are people

This one should be pretty simple, and yet a lot of people seem to be confused about this. Let me clarify: fat people are people. That means they are deserving of the same respect, dignity, compassion, justice, etc that all humans are. No place in the Qur’an does God tell us that being fat makes someone less human. If you are using the Qur’an or the sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh) to argue that it is appropriate to shame people for their bodies or to deny them the same rights and responsibilities as others, maybe take a few minutes and reflect on yourself and whether you are being the best person you can be.

2. Fat Muslims are Muslims

This is closely related to the previous point. Being fat does not make someone a worse Muslim. It has NOTHING to do with their faith or their religious practice. Nowhere in the Qur’an does God list body size or shape as a condition of being a Muslim, nor is this mentioned with regards to what makes a person good. What distinguishes a person in the sight of God are largely characteristics that we, as humans, cannot see. Only God has full knowledge of this. The next time you are tempted to judge another Muslim (or another human being) based on their appearance, ask God to purify your thinking and guide you to a better understanding.

3. Myth: Fat People Lack Self Control

And in the context of the Ummah, this misconception often plays out like this: this person is fat, ergo this person must lack self control, ergo this person is a bad Muslim. Depending on the commitment of the person, they may also quote 7:31 (”Eat and drink, yet not in excess, for the Lord loves not those who commit excess”).

That’s a whole lot of assumptions! May God protect us from thinking such foolish reasoning!

My first point here is to refer you back to point #2. The size of someone’s body tells you nothing about their relationship with God, and it’s dangerous to assume that it does. Just because all we as humans can perceive is the external appearance of another person, it is dangerous to act as if God is similarly constrained.

If you are still concerned because you assume fat must indicate gluttony or excess (and your don’t trust God’s ability to judge based on full knowledge of the person) and you feel the need to give them some naasia about their body, consider this:

  • Is your commentary really necessary? Do you truly believe that in the societies we live in this fat person has never before encountered the idea that if only they had more self-control they’d be thin? Or are you just being mean and judgmental until the cloak of caring? 
  • Moreover, it is not at all clear that fat is a result of excess or lack of exercise.

God created a complex human body that even today we do not fully understand. And it turns out that body size and shape is an aspect that humans haven’t really figured out yet. Think about it this way: Do you know someone who is thin even though they never exercise? Do you know someone who can eat all sorts of junk food and never gain a pound? Of course you do. Then it should be simple to realize that the size and shape of the human body is complex, and just as there are people who are naturally thin, we should expect that there are people who are naturally fat. And if someone who is fat tells you that they eat in moderation and exercise and you assume they are lying, take a moment and check your own intentions and reflect on what toxic dunya ideas you have absorbed if you make assumptions about another humans’ truthfulness and worth based on nothing more than the shape of their body.

3. Myth: Fat is Unhealthy

The assumption that being fat means that someone is unhealthy relies on many problematic assumptions. In the contemporary period, we have begun associating BMI and body size with health, but the body is way more complicated that this. This myth is often used to shame or attack fat people under the guise of caring, and goes something like this: “You should really lose weight, it’s not about how you look, I just want you to be healthy.” While I appreciate that you (are pretending to) care about my health, the assumption that as a fat person I am unhealthy or that losing weight will make me healthy is just foolish. If you truly care about someone’s health, you could talk about their actual health (and if you don’t believe a fat person can be healthy, see above about truthfulness).

And on the subject of health, I would like to refer everyone back to point #1. Some fat people are healthy, some are unhealthy (it works in the same way that some thin people are healthy and some thin people are unhealthy…it’s this whole being human thing). Health is not a measure of worth. You don’t earn respect, dignity, or basic human compassion by being healthy enough. Let’s take the strawperson that many anti-fat rants are fond of bringing out to scare the children: someone who eats poorly, does not exercise, is obese and has diabetes. Even if this hypothetical person did nothing but sit around all day shoving candy and hamburgers into their mouths with the sole goal of developing a body people will hate and a chronic medical condition (yeah, this is such a stupid hypothetical, and yet, so common in some circles)…even then, this person is STILL A PERSON! They are still deserving of respect, dignity, and compassion. And frankly, if you think that the Quran or the sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh) justifies any other treatment of this person, you may want to spend some serious time in prayer and contemplation.

For more on all this, check out: 


Rethinking Thin by Gina Kolata

The Great Starvation Experiment by Todd Tucker

The Obesity Myth by Paul Campo