why am i laughing of this

Uncalled|1

Reader x Fuckboy!Jaehyun
Word count: 882
Genre: Fluff, Smut, Angst.

Originally posted by mintokkies

You laughed as Jaehyun winked at you from the counter, looking back at the girl sat beside him as his hand smoothed down her back.

 “I will never understand how does he always manage to get a fuck… like how, every fucking time?” Yuta whined as he set his booze down on the table before you, certainly tipsy and bitter about the horrid experience with the same woman a while back.

 “I feel like it’s because he doesn’t even try,” you licked your lips to eliminate the bitterness of alcohol of your tongue, “It’s mostly circumstantial. It’s not like he comes with the intent to fuck, but when he gets one just like that he doesn’t let it past.”

 “Yuta, I don’t get why you even talk about Jaehyun with y/n,” Taeyong laughed, “she’s always defensive.”

 “I am not defensive, I’m practical.” you corrected your friend who was already slouching in his seat, his head buried in his hands. “Taeyong, go home. You don’t look good.”

 “I wish,” he sighed, “I’m the douchebag’s ride since Elena broke his car.” he sat up and drank some water Johnny had gotten him earlier, which yet didn’t cease his brows to furrow.

 “It’s okay,” you reassuringly patted his thighs, “I’ll drop him. I have been to your place a couple of times, so it’s okay.”

 “You sure?” he smiled at you as you nodded, grabbing his jacket as he slowly made his way out. You made sure Doyoung went with him, just in case.

“Why is Jaehyun not getting a new car already? His dad’s filthy rich anyway, like got his son a new apartment when he got into Uni-”

 “Yuta, you sound so terribly bitter and jealous. Trust me, I could never empathise with your situation even if I tried. You got a good fuck last week, right?”

 “Well,” he started, “Yes! But that doesn’t mean I don’t need one right now.”

 “What about me?” you playfully asked.

 “You’re not my type, and you’re not even drunk. So, no.” he shrugged your proposal, “I’ll go take a piss before I leave too, I have to wake up early.” Johnny nodded in agreement as Yuta slowly walked away.

“It wasn’t even a date,” muttering more to yourself. you sighed as you sat back, turning your head toward Johnny.

 “I guess we’re too friendly to try something like that.” he smiled before emptying his glass of scotch, “But it’d have been amazing if we could get onto something more.”

 “I wish,” you laughed and closed your eyes, “I’ll snooze for a while, like five minutes…”

 You could tell that Yuta and Johnny had already left, and the club was starting to empty. You could feel the air lighten as the smell of sweat gradually alleviated, only a few murmurs made to your ears. It was so peacefully quiet and peaceful, something about the smell reminded you of a home you didn’t even miss…

 You felt a hand, soft yet strong, delicately shaking your shoulders, “Y/n, hey y/n,” he sounded just as exhausted, a loud yawn following his rather quiet voice, “Where’s Taeyong?”

 You yawned back and stretched your arms as you looked up at Jaehyun. You almost laughed when you saw him holding his shirt together to cover his torso. “Damn, she literally tore your shirt off.” a single button was dangling off the thread that would just give out from the weakest blow of air.

 “Yeah, one good fuck… she let me go raw.” he smirked as he said, his conceit shining through his droopy eyes.

 “Anyway, I sent the angel home. He was feeling sick. I’ll drop you.” you said as you wore your jacket.

 He helped you stand (like the gentleman his family had taught him to be) and you both made your way to your car. As you pushed the clutch all the way, turning your key, he muttered a quiet ‘thank you’.

 “At what time is your first class?”

 “Eight.”

 “Jesus Christ!” he shot up straight, “It’s almost three in the morning… y/n, you really didn’t have to.”

 “I didn’t do it for you stupid,” you cocked your head to the side, “I did it for Taeyong, he needs rest.”

 He smiled at you softly as if he wasn’t buying the reason.

 “Okay fine,” you gave up, “It was for you, too.”

 “Thanks…” his smile turned into a smirk and you regretted instantly.

 It’d be a lie to say that you didn’t have a very little crush on the man to your right, but you knew that that’s exactly how far it’d go. It wasn’t a crush that you had to pursue or had you pining, he just had the ability to make you touch yourself awake the entire night just by sending you a snap of him in which his hair was unkempt and he pouted with furrowed brows. You screenshotted it and told him that it was ‘just a meme’, nothing that had your soles heating up and your toes curling.

   Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. Going around your brain, tapering and squeezing till there’s no space in between, the man beside you snored softly as thoughts of them being grunts instead and against the crook of your neck violated your sanity. When you reached home… wait, you reached your home!

anonymous asked:

Tbh Jumin and Yoosung would be the most likely to accidentally be furries. Like that one meme, Jumin goes to take Elizabeth 3rd to a furry convention but it turns out it's, uh, not what he wanted (Jaehee knew but Jumin didn't want to hear her arguments), and Yoosung probably saw some girls around campus drawing their fursonas and asked them do draw his. He showed it off in the chatroom and Zen had to call him and tell him no while Seven is rolling on the floor laughing bc Yoosung has no clue

I’m going to cry, please I am only a small human being;; there are furries at Sky University;; Jumin taking Elizabeth to a convention;;; this is why V never shows up to the chatroom;;;;

Undertale (and AU) Characters as Things I've Said/Thought
  • Asriel: Hello Kitty can be punk rock.
  • Also Asriel: *while drinking a Capri Sun* I can be hardcore if I want!
  • Flowey: Why is it socially unacceptable to laugh like a psychopath?
  • Omega Flowey: Yeah so basically I'm practically god.
  • God of Hyperdeath: Time to play "How Long Can I Ignore my Emotions"!
  • Frisk: What the fuck I wanted happy friendship time not this.
  • Chara: This is why I'm going to hell.
  • Toriel: Take a fucking nap, babe.
  • Also Toriel: I'm adopting her. She's my daughter now.
  • Underfell Toriel: Hello naughty children time for death.
  • Asgore: Tea makes me feel warm and cozy inside.
  • Undyne: I wanna be buff enough to intimidate men and to attract women.
  • Underswap Undyne: I am too gay and beautiful to participate in gym class.
  • Underfell Undyne: Apparently, choking people who hurt my loved ones is "unorthodox" and "illegal".
  • Swapfell Undyne: If a mad scientist turned me into a grotesque sea creature monster I'd thank them with tears in my eyes because now I can be the shambling water husk I was born to be.
  • Alphys: Yes I'm smart but why at the cost of my mental stability?
  • Underswap Alphys: I am small but I am willing to punch someone.
  • Underfell Alphys: Why isn't "mad scientist" a viable career option?
  • Swapfell Alphys: Unfortunately, I was too short to strangle him. But if I could've reached...
  • Sans: The skeleton looks like it's judging us.
  • Also Sans: Wow. That looks like a lot of work. Good thing I'm not doing any of it.
  • Underswap Sans: I wanted to do something for all of my friends! It would've been easy, because the number of friends I have is... actually... rather small. Oh.
  • Underfell Sans: Woah, turn down the edge, bro.
  • Papyrus: I can't just leave this puzzle unfinished are you a madman?
  • Underswap Papyrus: Idk bro. I'm just, like, chilling.
  • Underfell Papyrus: I'm the only qualified person here to be the boss.
  • Mettaton: You were born without music in your heart and dance in your veins and frankly I pity you.
  • Underfell Mettaton: God I love this gel pen. It's pink. And glittery! And I could stab someone with it!
  • Napstablook: Ghosts are pretty sweet. Undead and shit. I'd be a ghost.
  • Underfell Napstablook: I'm haunting all y'all motherfuckers when I die.
  • Muffet: I mean... I guess some money would be pretty neat.
  • Underswap Muffet: Not even the rowdy boys down the street wanted to buy my cupcakes. I don't blame them they were nasty as shit. And green. Why were they green?
  • Underfell Muffet: Aww that's a cute little spider! Look at you go- ew don't fucking touch me do you crave death?
  • Gaster: If you'll excuse me, I'm off to the void.
  • Also Gaster: Beautiful doctors are ANESTHETIC. Haha! That was a joke. You can laugh. Y-you go the joke though, right?
  • Annoying Dog: Sick ass dog bro.
  • Monster Kid: I can pick stuff up with my feet!
  • So Sorry: My art skills are like a pantry stocked with food. Unfortunately, all the food is expired and spoiled.
  • Temmie: Damn, that could've paid for my college tuition.
Lemonade

Originally posted by butteryplanet

Pairing: Avengers X Reader
Warnings: Mentions of stitches and blood


“Okay so does everyone understand their job?"You raised your hand sitting at the other end of the table while Steve lectured you all.

"Umm yeah, I do.” All eyes turned to you.
“Why am I only trusted with making the drinks?” Tony and Steve sighed while Clint and Wanda couldn’t help but laugh a little.

It was the annual Avengers barbecue, and for some reason again you were only trusted with making or just plain old buying the beverages. You had always been frustrated that you were only trusted with drinks. You were an Avenger for crying out loud you considered yourself pretty trustworthy.

Keep reading

thegreatrhapsode  asked:

Actually it most likely will not freeze him in time, Fairy Sphere is only in affect till all the magic is filtered out, so most likely he'll be trapped then the DS kill Acnologia's spirit, and then we time skip 7 years in the future or something, then we get a fake out that Acnologia returned only to see it's a corpse with no magic and it's spirit killed

Probably. I’ll just be over here laughing, though.

God, this is why you don’t make characters that are impossible to beat. You have to tear them down in the most bullshit ridiculous way possible.

Also, if it turns out that Mavis could have just trapped Acnologia in Fairy Sphere instead of the Tenrou team for seven years, I am going to die laughing.

anonymous asked:

c1?

I wanted to try a different cause of vomiting for this one, so I went with getting super overworked/overheated from exercise. So meet Alan and Cici, aka giant fucking jocks. Actually they’re lowkey my favorite couple so you’ll probably see a lot more of them. Also, I now only have one prompt in my inbox, so send more please!


“1:06.”

“Fuck,” Alan muttered. “Are you serious?”

“It’s a fine time, Al,” Cici replied.

“Well I’m not going for fine, am I?” Alan frowned, running a hand through his now sweat-soaked blond hair. “I’ve broken 55. Senior year, I broke it.”

“I know, babe. I was there,” Cici laughed.

“So why can’t I break it now?”

“Maybe because senior year you had football practice six days a week, and now you only play with Vince on weekends?” she suggested. “And look, even if you’re determined to break 55, you’re not going to work up to it in one day, and you’re definitely not going to hit it on the tenth try.”

He smiled cockily at her, despite the fact that it felt like there was lead pumping through his veins.

“Watch me.”

Cici gave him a bemused smile. “Alright. If you’ve got another one in you.”

Alan grinned. “Of course I do.”

“And then you’ll time my one hundreds?”

He nodded absently. “Yeah, as soon as I get it.”

“Look, if this is about the football thing, we’ve talked about how—”

“We have talked about it,” Alan cut her off. “And there’s no way in hell I’m staying that many nights away.”

“I could handle it,” Cici replied, but Alan caught the cloud that drifted over her face as she said it. She probably could handle it. She could handle most things. But falling asleep alone, even on nights where he was just a few blocks away with some friends, was always hell for Cici. There was no way he could put her through that for months at a time.

“You shouldn’t have to handle it,” he replied. “Come on, let’s go.”

He walked to the starting line of lane one and positioned himself on the block, ready to spring forward at the call.

“Go!” Cici called, and Alan took off. At first, he felt a familiar rush, a lightness in his feet that sent him flying forward. But that feeling, which had carried him through 300 meters of his first run, now dissipated before he’d even hit the 100 mark. The sun beat down hot on his bare back, sending sweat running down his face. There wasn’t enough air in the world to breathe. Dizziness and nausea began to creep in, and just as the urge to stop hit him, he was crossing the finish again. He came to a stop, breathing hard, legs aching.

“Al, you good?” Cici asked. “I think you’ve done enough for today, don’t you?”

“The…the time,” Alan panted, ignoring her words.

“Um, 1:07.”

“Shit! Ugh, shit, I felt close!” He shook his head firmly, trying to ignore the heat, and the way it was making his stomach feel like a stone in his body. “Let me try something. You can give me a 29 200, right?”

To his surprise, she shook her head.

“Okay, a 30 or a 31 then? I can stay a couple seconds ahead of you. I just need someone to pace me.”

“Alan,” Cici said gently. “Maybe you should take it easy.”

“I’m fine,” he replied quickly. He was. He would be, after a few more seconds or minutes to recover his breath.

“You’re bright red.”

“So? It’s the sun.”

“It’s hot out,” she insisted, glancing at the water bottle that had been tossed carelessly by the side of the track. It was nearly full. “You haven’t been drinking. Let’s just call it a day, okay?”

It was tempting. Shit, it was so tempting – the thought of a cold shower, a comfortable chair, maybe a big meal once his stomach settled a little from all this running. But he had to be close.

“I’ll be fine,” he insisted. “Come on, pace me.”

Cici bit her lip. “You sure?”

“Positive,” he agreed, swallowing hard. He leaned down and kissed her quickly. The warmth of the sensation momentarily blocked out his dizziness, which had somehow barely faded during his short rest.

Cici smiled. “Mmm, I love you. You got this, okay?”

“Yeah,” Alan agreed dazedly. “I got this.”

They lined up, and Alan called to start this time, hoping it might buy him a few more seconds. He forced his feet to move faster, faster, faster than felt possible with his weighed-down limbs, barely keeping pace with Cici as she ran a 28-second 200. It was perfect. She was perfect, and he was so many miles from it. Because the speed he’d gained left him as he rounded the third turn, no matter how hard he pushed. His stomach had crawled into this throat, sloshing around violently with every step. He couldn’t breathe without half choking on the sweltering summer air.

When he came to a stop, Alan’s legs shook underneath him, and the world spun every time he blinked. It was too much, and it wasn’t enough.

“You were just a couple seconds off that time,” Cici called from several yards away. She was still walking back to him.

Alan shook his head and ignored her words. A couple seconds or an hour off, it didn’t matter – he still hadn’t done it. But this had to be it.

“Al, what the fuck?” Cici said. “This is too much.”

“Call…call go,” he called back. His words came out slightly slurred.

“Alan.”

“Call go!”

He heard the resigned sigh, the silence that followed it. And then the command. His legs pushed forward almost without permission, dragging his lungs and stomach along with them. Stars bloomed before his eyes. There were four lines dividing his lane of the track instead of just two. But he had to run like his life depended on it, had to break that 55 mark. His stomach was still twisting, jumping, weighing him down like it was a thousand pounds.

An empty gag burst from Alan’s mouth as he entered the last 50 meters. The world darkened to a tunnel, with only the finish line visible at the end. When he crossed the line, everything went black.

“Shit, Al!”

The world appeared again, blurry, and Alan felt the rough surface of the track digging into his hands and knees. Cici stood over him. He could feel her concern in the tight grip of her fingers on his shoulder, in the way her voice was a little more shaky than reproachful.

“Babe, you can’t push yourself that hard. You need to drink some water.”

Alan barely managed to shake his head, and that made his vision swim again. His stomach lurched, and before he could react, he was gagging up a large stream of vomit onto the track.

“Fuck,” Cici cursed softly, but Alan was barely paying attention. He pitched forward with a violent heave, barely managing to stay steady on all fours. Another wave of his partially-digested lunch spilled from his lips. The acidic taste in his mouth made him retch again, bringing up even more.

“Shit, okay, you’re okay,” Cici murmured. Alan felt her hand on his back, rubbing circles between his shoulder blades. After a few seconds, she pulled it away. “Babe, you’re really overheated.”

Alan made to respond, convulsed again instead, gagging up a small amount of vomit. The retches stung his throat, and he could tell there wasn’t much left in him, but the dizziness hadn’t subsided, and it seemed like his body could do nothing but bring up mouthful after mouthful of puke. Cici’s hand, now dipped in water and blissfully cool, stroked over his neck and forehead, pushing back the strands of hair that were glued to his forehead with sweat.

He bent forward with an empty heave, only managing to spit the thick saliva still flooding his mouth into the pile of sick.

“I think you’re done, Al,” Cici said gently. “Let’s get you out of the sun, okay?”

She grabbed both of his arms and hoisted him unceremoniously to his feet, straining to lift his much larger frame off the ground. Alan swayed against her for a moment. He turned his head away from her as he heaved one last time, bringing up a small amount of bile. He stumbled a few steps, then managed to regain his balance, though his legs still felt flimsy and useless. Cici guided him over to a tree, and he collapsed at the base of the trunk.

“Sorry,” he muttered. “Ran that…uh…little hard.”

“You think?” Cici replied, shaking her head. She passed him the water bottle. “Here, drink. Settle your stomach a little. Then we’re going home.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “’Kay.” He took a slow sip of water, which helped to wash away the taste of vomit.

“And?”

“And?”

“You won’t do that shit again, will you?” Cici asked.

“Yeah,” Alan mumbled. “Something like that.”

goodgirlll240  asked:

So I'm bored and I'm tell people random things your one of the chosen people so here we go: this right here is quality content 👌, keep making these please because they make people laugh~

Oh my gosh why am I only just seeing this ask?!?!? Thank you so much :) I don’t have much time to actually work on these quotes but I’m glad people like them :) -Admin K

uncommon threads - a jared/monica fic

Monica, after giving up smoking, finds herself needing a hobby to keep her hands busy. So she checks out the local yarn store’s Knit Night, because she vaguely remembers her grandma teaching her to knit when she was little and she figures it can’t be that hard to learn. There she runs into Jared, and is suitably surprised to see him having a life outside of Pied Piper, though she can’t quite explain why she finds that surprising. Or why she’s suddenly so interested in him.

“I had fun tonight,” Monica says as Jared walks her to her door. “Thanks for explaining that cabling thing, I felt so stupid.”

“Hey, you’re not stupid. Six weeks ago you barely knew how to purl, and now look at you, cabling like nobody’s business! That scarf is going to be gorgeous.” Jared smiles.

Monica laughs. “You’re still better at it than I am, that lace shawl you were working on was absolutely gorgeous. With the beads and everything…god, it’s like something from a fairytale.”

Jared blushes. “None of it is really that hard, I can teach you if you’d like.”

“Let me figure out cables first, okay?” Monica laughs, turning her key in the lock. “Would you like to come in for a cup of tea or something?” she asks.

Jared shakes his head. “I should be getting home, Richard and I have a meeting with Laurie in the morning.” He pauses. “We’re still on for Bay Area YarnCon this weekend, right?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Monica says. “Good night, Jared. Sleep well. I’ll probably see you at Bream-Hall tomorrow.”

“Good night, Monica,” Jared answers.

3

“Keeping up with the Blacks”