why am i even tagging this what have i done

last update.... :(

hey so, i think im going to delete.

i know what youre thinking, “inactive for basically year and NOW he delete? what a lazy, selfish douche”

i have many reasons, but here is crux of it: im fucking tired guys. im really, really tired.

im just way too depressed and sick to continue making posts, content, or even tags. i can barely waking up in morning. i don’t even checking news on Syria anymore, im going mid july to find my MIA uncle and aunt anyways, so yeah i bet that’s going to turn out well.

also, im tired of negativity. i join “fandom side” of video games- more specifically, RVB- because i think it would being fun and supportive community where memes and creative ideas to thrive and to grow. that was 2012 tumblr, i was stuck in wrong year. now everyone is zealous vigilantee and harassing people and claiming that if anyone interpreting something different than them, they’re fucking criminals. discourse, stalking, callout, whatever fucking “doxxing” mean.

it reflect society today. people are so radicalized, they cannot standing to hear different view point than them- religion, politics, and apparently fandom now too? wtf, my only escape from that horseshit WAS fandom!! and now extremist assholes are everywhere. my home country, my “friends”, and my fucking stress relief?!?! its pathetic!!!

but in the end… what can you do? just roll with punches and move on, i guess

thank you so much to those who have supported me. it was great run. i had wonderful conversations with many lovely people, and i still wonder who those nice anons were. i remember every comment and tag, good and bad. my art and writing improving so much thank to positive reinforcement. i use to feel ok with sharing my ideas, even though my predictions or interpretations were deadass wrong most of in time. but they develop and improve like i did as human. i outgrow them… just like i now outgrow this…

believe me, THATS something i don’t saying lightly

basically, im not going to use my time and energy tainting my name with toxic community. im just not. im above that. i dont wanting to invest in something that i will now being burned for. im not even mad, just severely dissapointed. consider this blog permenately discontinued, same with others. i mighg start all over again or something, have to wait and see.

im going to tag people who were either kind to me, great people in general, wonderful artists, people i admire, people with great ideas/contributions, mutuals, chill blogs i follow, or people who have been following/interacting with my blog for so long it would be insulting to not give them regonition they deserve! most are combination of these. this is mostly as promo, even if they aren’t still active in fandom. they deserve better than this toxic bullshit too. i recommend them greatly, and if any of you are reading this, YOU MAKE THIS WORLD BETTER, OR AT LEAST FUCKING BEARABLE!! many others do as well, but here are people who directly making this blog’s time and experience worthwhile.

in no particular order…. (seriously, don’t reading too much into it :P)

@drag0n-qu33n @angrymintleaf @cockbiteproductions @dangern00dle @anon-ai @meleetrash @cloudsaysthings @greyofsunshine @mercmonster @mercuryblacksleg @sugar-p0p @ghostofawolf300 @freelancerkiwi @itsnotpinkitsbloodorange @wolffepack @spaguette @rhysies-puffs @theguywiththeyellowaccents @daftprodigy @the-agent-washingtub @charles-kun @selselsky @gunmetalblxck @cecexm @mad-king-jean @rottendentist @capicada @momfrienddonut @megneato @locus-desperatus @texelations @scribbleboxfoxart @volltron @randomdraggon @gaybeedle-archive @gh0st-fl0wer @neo-trickster @rose-raspberry @astronautachance @bloodmulch @happyanon-spreadlovenothate @jacy-pennys @wolfwarrior142 @hakanakiki @freshzombiewriter @so-try-left-rvb @redvioletdelights @abageal @mrjacobi @washingtoninasnowfort @agenttexsflippedshit @bigburnsides @crownedchosen @supercasey @agent-maine @local-cryptid @locusmclocusy @tealdragon @shinytoymercs @felixmcsucc @sophisticatedbrownie @the-greatest-merc @foxtrot-12 @gavinsdumbshittynosethtnonelikes @directium @cerealmonster15 @agender-washingtons @peteykins @timorous-amorous @the-meta @stellarreqs-roulette @multifandomfuck @cili-ai @wolfebain @puffballpatriot @themad-lizardking @agent0hio @agent-fried-chicken @spuddingtonbear @sinningpaladin @agentmainemeta @officialagentwashington @madmud2730 @redgraveconspiracy @powerfulpomegranate @ahsatan785 @iamilex @flawlix @captainmurdoc @companionwolf @nonegenderwithleftbeef @vlasdygoth @vollltron @forfucksakefelix

REST IN PEACE: luccicute diidatic cannibal-felix

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, @vividroute just for being my 69th follower (no i did not forget you, idk if youre even following me anymore but hey bonus points in my book)

thank you so much, i will missing you guys, but i cant doing this anymore. im sorry i couldnt having patience you do.

so why do i write this? why dont i just shut up and leave? why tag and drag these people to this post? good questions. i want you to know and understand from this experience: Karma exist. your contribution, work, kindness, EXISTENCE, ect. help me and even if you dont remembering, it impact me. i hope this doing same for you. im not going to force you believe Karma or any of that jazz. i just think that for what each of you have done, least i can doing is giving my thanks and/or explanations instead of being ingrate and abandoning everyone as i almost had, with poor rushed words. i am grateful for your presence on Earth, and i know im not only one who thinking so! ^^

now time to lay my weary ass blog to rest with one last rvb reference…


Emile out~

misadventures in the mist. mistadventures?

damn, i can’t believe i actually finished this drawing, the sketch is actually a month old, but my drawing program crashed on me so many freaking times, that i just kept putting it off. the only one who escaped the loss of progress and redrawing is diath (uncanny dodge??) everyone else had to be redrawn at least once.


Now it’s time to say why y'all thankful/who y'all are thankful for.

Rules: state 5 reasons as to who/what you’re thankful for and tag 5-10 people(or however many y'all want I was just tryna be generous lol) Even if you’re not from Murica’, it’s still nice to look back on what you appreciate in life!

1. I’m thankful for the phrase deez nuts. It has kept me going through the hard times because I have to remember that life is indeed a joke.

2. I am thankful for my parents because they made me the person who I am today and bless their souls for the sacrifices they have done to make me a better person and to have a better life than them.

3. I’m thankful for the activists who stood up for my race and gender. I am a female of color and without them, who knows where I would be right now. Being a female is already seen as a negative. Being seen as a female and POC, is even seen as more as something to look down upon. So yes as much as social justice warrior I sound right now, I have the right to say I’m thankful for them✊🏾✊🏾✊🏾

4. I’m thankful to be living in America. Y'all can shit on America as much as y'all want to but I’m happy to live in a country full of diversity and opportunities because some countries don’t have that. Every damn country has its flaws however America’s is more prevalent because we’re America.

5. In thankful for my friends irl and on here. Especially these nerds cause they can’t escape me cause I’ve known them for a long time, we’re just really close, and/or have my snapchat or D., all the above lmfao
@miniheartfeels @kago-make-dean-some-pie @yer-a-fairytailwizard-natsu @fucking-dragneel @erzawesome @doctorwhodunit @fairyy-glitter @the-creepy-unicorn @nikiforov-yuuri @juviarainworld @thecrowalchemist @fairytailsgemini @miss-zei (can y'all do the tag cause I ain’t retagging cause no)


I tag: @unashamed-shipper @sanguine-fairy @impracticaldemon @asrainoyume @daydreamingburrito @nalu-natic @solidscriptjess @khamillahsstrive @queenheiwa @hetaheartweyhey @thefairywrites @roxychild94

open letter to Free! fans.

While everyone gets their opinions and I do respect them,

it is absolutely awful the amount you all are tearing apart both the producers at funimation as well as the voice actors who were hired.

i am absolutely ASHAMED to even be apart of this fandom right now. you are all acting like spoiled children who didnt get their way, (which isnt even different from whenever new episodes came out that you didnt agree with) but the way you are personally attacking the voice actors for doing a JOB is fucking disgusting.

I get that many people dont like dubs, and I respect that. but there are so many people who do and who really like this dub but are afraid to even voice that opinion because of the amount of HATRED on the tag right now. 

you are alienating people. Is that really what you want this fandom to be about? while even for myself there may be things I wouldnt have done would I have been on the production team but overall it’s actually really well done.

also cant we just be fucking happy octopimp was involved at all without all the posts like,

“50% OVER FreE DUB AM IR iIGHT>??????” “THEy SHUD aHAVE jUST HaD theEM do ThE dub”

please. stop. why do you have to tear down other peoples work in order to be happy for someone else?? be happy for octopimp. be happy for funimation. dont like it? dont watch it. voice legitimate arguments not, ‘Oh my GOD THEY tALK LIKE DUUUDES.” like what? 

they talk the same as they did in Japanese but since it’s in English it makes you uncomfortable. thats it. 

Please stop alienating people. Please stop acting like brats. Thank you.

listen i just want to give a massive shout to the got7 fandom. like i have had an extremely rough year and this fandom has made everything so much easier. you guys bring me joy and genuine happiness, and honestly i am so thankful for all of you. i dont care what it is you did, if its tagging me in things or simply just existing, i am thankful for you and everything you have done for me. without the got7 fandom, i have no clue where i would be right now. you brighten my days and are the reason i wake up in the morning. within this fandom i found a family i didnt even know existed and i am so, so, so, so blessed to be an igot7. i can finally understand why the boys are so proud of us. you’re amazing, every single one of you.

Orphan Black - The Aftermath (Specifically Delphine)

(Warning - the following contains lots of Season 3 finale spoilers. Also included are some graphic images below too along with some heartbreaking ones. Plus lots of my own opinions, theories and ramblings. Consider yourself warned.)

Okay, Clone Club. I love you all but PLEASE, calm the holy doodle, fish-stick, Christmas cake down.

I started off writing this as a reply to this brilliant post by chloeopoly about Delphine and how much of a hero she is, but it became quite lengthy and speculative, so rather than hijack that post I thought I’d post a little ramble of my own.

Now before I get into it, I’m not pretending to be an all knowing smart arse about this, but please, bear with me.

So, as far as Delphine getting shot goes;


She’ll be back. When, how or for how long, I have no idea. I’m guessing Team Neolution came after her, and after talking with my wonderful friend quiet-shes-just-weird - I am absolutely convinced it was Shay pulling the trigger. I have reasons why; more on that later.

But Clone Club, I really cannot understand why everyone has freaked the f**k out about this AND that now there’s even an RIP Delphine tag going around.


Were we watching the same show?? Have we learned nothing from watching TV? UNLESS you see the body - cold and done - NO-ONE is dead.

Look at what we’ve seen over the past 3 seasons:

  • The First - Beth (providing it was even Beth that jumped?! - but I think it probably was) - we saw. She’s dead.
  • Certainties - Katja, Olivier, Aynsley, Amelia, Tomas, Jennifer, Daniel, Leekie, Ethan, Seth, Parsons, Rudy - we saw all of them, so they ARE done.
  • Grey areas - Henrik, Paul and Styles, only because we didn’t see any of them actually dead. We saw the build up and aftermath, but the ‘grey area’ is because we don’t have that proof on screen. But again, I think they’re all a safe bet.
  • Exception to the rule - Helena. For obvious reasons.

And, the difference between all of those and Delphine?

It’s a BIG difference….

Even Helena’s “death” wasn’t THIS ambiguous! This is literally how they left it.


  • Delphine was shot in her right side - so clearly not in the heart. Yes, she’s still not out of the woods and, of course, potentially fatal without quick medical care. Obviously, I’m no doctor but I have seen a lot of TV shootings and this one seemed survivable.
  • Her eyes flicker, but they DIDN’T stop. She was very awake and completely conscious.
  • She didn’t do the ‘death stare’ - she looked up right into her attacker’s eyes.
  • We don’t see her slump over or pass out, I know we didn’t what happened directly after the shooting, but she is an important character and we would have had it been over.
  • The scene cut to black and we could still hear her breathing. That’s important.

In fact, after several re-watches, it actually looked to me as though they’ve cut that scene earlier than intended. It seemed too short an exit for a character like Delphine.

Yes she got a number of heroic moments in this episode; she got (some) resolution with her role at DYAD and the revelation about Nealon/Neolutionists, she had somewhat of a resolve with Ferdinand, Sarah and to a small degree even with Cosima. She got the apology from Cosima that I was hoping for all season (as much for Cosima’s benefit as it was for Delphine’s) and she even got welcomed into Clone Club by way of Cosima’s invite to the family meal.

But it wasn’t enough. There is too much unfinished. Aside from Delphine’s story as a whole, there were other seeds planted. The worm? The ‘Neolution Overlords’ reveal? What’s next with Cosima in terms of her health and their relationship? And then there’s Shay? (again.. we’re gonna come back to Shay!!)

Maybe John and Graeme originally had planned on killing her off but (possibly) after seeing the fan reactions and outrage at how they’ve treated the fans (as well as the seemingly complete disregard for most of the characters), in the build up to this episode, they have backtracked faster than a Prolethean in a corn field! Scene’s can’t be re-shot that quickly but they can sure as hell be edited differently!

It absolutely felt like it had been re-edited and cut short to make her fate more ambiguous, leaving the door wide open for Evelyne to return. I’ve been a video editor for a long time and I’ve seen and analysed a lot of film and TV over the years so to me, that edit felt clunky and unfinished rather than a deliberate editing choice. Obviously, if I’m wrong I’ll happily apologise to the editor myself!

If they were going to kill her, I feel like we’d have seen it to the bitter end, I am pretty confident about that. It would probably have even happened in Cosima’s arms for full impact. I’m not so ignorant as to think I am 100% dead on (pun intended) or naive to the point where I have blind faith because of my love for this character - but biases aside, my track record for guessing things like this is very good.

So, I’ll say it again; DELPHINE IS NOT DEAD.

Now I’ve got that off my chest, on to Shay.

Ohhh Shay.  Shay…. Shay…. Shay.

How I wanted to love you. Ksenia, I adore. Shay; not so much.

Full disclosure; I am a fully fledged member of team ‘Cophine’ and I won’t bore you again with all of the many reasons why I haven’t been able to accept or warm to ‘Shaysima’. Shay as a character in fact. But what I am able to do, is detach my feelings for Cophine and look at Shay objectively.

Unless she has some deep secret shady past/present (of which I am now certain) she just does nothing for me as a character and thus nothing in terms of chemistry or a future with Cosima. To me, that’s a rarity in Orphan Black.

Maybe I’m in the minority, but it’s just my opinion. Obvs.

But why do I think it was Shay who shot her? I’m glad you asked…

When I saw Delphine do this:

And the only other occasions where I have seen Delphine look at someone this way…

Maybe I’m only seeing what I want to see, but you have to admit it’s worth considering?

Given that we know Shay has a military background, this would make her an ideal would-be assassin in the pockets of Neolutionists (excellent targeting skills/stealth/knowing where to shoot in order to disable, not kill etc).

Now that we know the Neolutionists are running everything from the shadows so it would make perfect sense for them to plant their own spies, especially near Cosima; the self aware clone who gets closer to the science by the minute. Why wouldn’t they want to keep tabs on her?

Even when Delphine turned up at Shay’s door, I’m not sure Delphine fully trusted her then. To me it felt more like wanting to trust her so Cosima would be safe in (as far as Delphine probably guessed) her unavoidable absence.

In that scene in the carpark when Delphine turns around, it was almost a look of “I KNEW it was you!” that flashed across her face.

If any of that is right, that would make for intense viewing if/when Cosima ever found any of this out, right?

I get that John and Graeme like to rock the boat, but some ships should NEVER be sunk. They do seem to like to annoy irritate upset torment fuck off surprise fans for the sake of their own amusement; but this time they crossed a line.

If, (by some hopefully long stretch of the imagination) Delphine DOESN’T survive, then I’m afraid that John and Graeme will drag Orphan Black down into that long list of shows before who let a large portion of their core audience down. That I feel would be unforgivable and tragic. Ironic, given their apparent love of tragedy.

I get that they’re saying that Delphine’s fate was important to Cosima’s storyline going forward. So what? They want her to suffer? Because she hasn’t had much of that lately(!!) Or they want her to grieve? Or feel guilt? Or mistrust in the people she lets into her life? Or lost? Or despairing? Or any number of things.

Well, Cosima can do all of these things with the KNOWLEDGE of Delphine’s murder. This doesn’t mean she actually has to have been killed. As long as Cosima thinks she is dead, they can have as much character progression as they like out of her, as long as it’s not cruel (drama for drama’s sake) the endgame is Delphine very much alive and Cosima finally finding that out.

In the meantime, I want to celebrate how sincerely incredible Evelyne Brochu has been this season. She took everything they gave her and stole every single scene. No mean feat for someone who was missing for so much of the season.

So… in conclusion: Delphine is Schrödinger’s Cat.

Have a little faith in the rules of TV and, while I know it’s no consolation and this hiatus is going to be a motherf**ker, that’s what friends are for.

We’ll get through it together guys.