Summary: The risk I took was calculated but man, am I
bad at math.
Warnings: angst…like to the max, character death, risking your life, all that fun stuff
Count: 1.3k (this is deadass the shortest thing i’ve ever written and it’s still over 1k lmao why am i like this)
Note: hi hello! guess who’s back and as angsty as ever! this is something that again was floating in my inspo tag and i can’t find the post rn but it is there so when it’s not midnight i’ll go digging through and tag it. ya’ll probably recognize the quote because it’s been through tumblr i don’t even know how many times? but i literally banged this out in like two hours so ??? idk???? anyways, feedback is always welcome (please do i love hearing what all of you have to say) and can i just say thank you so much for all of your lovely responses to Will You Stay? like, they were so beautiful they made my entire life like????? i love all of you so fucking much ???? i can’t even describe it????? anyways enough of my endless question marks, hope you enjoy!!!!
The first time, isn’t the last time.
The first time you risk your life it’s for a puppy. Small,
golden, scrappy little thing. It’s caught in the middle of the road, yelping
every time a car whips by. It’s flat on the ground, trying to make itself small
as possible but at the same time sticking out against the pitch black tar. You sigh
and drop your coffee into the trash before you run out in the middle of traffic
and scoop the dog up before crossing to the other side.
“You’re an idiot,” he grumbles as he stares at the trembling
mass of fur. You pout and say you’re sorry before you offer him the reason you
nearly got flattened by an eighteen wheeler. He pretends to be angry until
about five minutes later when the puppy is licking at his face.
He isn’t angry anymore, especially two weeks later when the
puppy has become a permanent fixture in your home.
The second time, isn’t the last time.
The second time you risk your life is on vacation in the
Bahamas. A little girl gets caught in the rip tide. Her arms flail as she cries
for help but is drowned by the waves. Everyone watches but no one acts. You glance
at the life guards who glance at the waves apprehensively before you roll your
eyes and dive in. It takes you a while but luckily you’re a strong swimmer and
within minutes she’s in your arms and safely on shore.
“You’re crazy,” he mutters as he rubs your back while you
cough up salt water but his eyes shine with an emotion more powerful than you
have ever seen. It only seems to grow when the little girl runs up to you and
hugs you, thanking you for saving her life.
The third time, isn’t the last time.
The third time you risk your life is on a mission in
Johannesburg. HYDRA had hit a biotech company and managed to steal information
to a bomb that could level a small country. They climb into a helicopter and
are about to get away and against Steve’s orders you jump and hang onto the
runner of the helicopter. You hang on for dear life until you touch down. Your arms
ache but you fight until you can’t feel anything anymore. But you have the
It takes them two days to find you. When they do they find
you collapsed in an alleyway, dehydrated and living off of scraps from the
nearby flea market.
“You’re so stupid,” he shakes his head. He’s angry but he
holds your head up as you drink and brushes your hair until you fall asleep on
The fourth time, isn’t the last time.
The fourth time you risk your life is in the middle of a
blizzard. It’s two in the morning and the wind is howling but when your phone
rings you answer within seconds. The line is silent except for the sound of
heavy breathing. He doesn’t say anything but you already know as you tie on
boots and don your heaviest coat.
It takes you an hour to get to him. But you do. You’re
pretty sure your car isn’t even parked properly and you’re not sure if you’re
on the road or on the sidewalk but it doesn’t matter. By the time you get to
him he’s already half way gone. You sit with him until he comes back to you.
You sit with him until his eyes are clear and his breathing is normal. You sit
with him until he’s yours again.
“You’re a moron,” he growls once his eyes look outside at
the storm raging. You wonder if it was worth it but you smile anyway because
you don’t care.
The fifth time, isn’t the last time.
The fifth time you risk your life it’s after two months of
being locked in a basement. You have bruises on top of bruises, you bleed from
different places every day and you can’t remember the last time you’ve had a
proper meal. They pull you out every day and tie you to a chair. They spit in
your face, they hit, they bite, they scratch, they punch, they shock, they twist,
they break. You beg, you scream, you cry. But you don’t give them what they
want. They want him but you can’t give them that. He’s everything to you and
meaningless to them.
One day you’re bleeding so bad everything is tainted red and
you can’t feel part of your face and can’t hear out of one ear. When you feel
hands on you, you immediately start to tense and fight but relax when you hear
“It’s just me, it’s just me идиот,” he soothes you softly as
his metal hand trembles while breaking your bonds. You fall into him and can’t
find it in you to cry or make a sound. And you wonder if maybe this time, maybe
this time it was worth it.
The first time, is your last time.
You risk your life for him
and you don’t even think. You see him
in danger, you see everyone in
danger. But when you see him, when you hear the metal whir breaking through the
clamor around you, you don’t think. You hear nothing else. You look at the five
midnight black barrels of the machine guns facing him, glinting harshly and you
just go. You think you can make it.
If you just take that extra step, lose that extra second, you can make it. You
two can make it out, together.
But you were always bad at math.
For the second you push him down you know you miscalculated.
You don’t hear the shots but you feel them, ripping and tearing through flesh
and bone. You feel the blood seep into the concrete floor. But you don’t hear
the strangled sob from behind you and you don’t hear the hoarse shot. You don’t
hear the bodies drop around you; you don’t hear the knife splitting through Kevlar
Yet you feel his hands on your face, your chest, your
stomach. You feel him fumbling for a solution. He’s whispering fast in Russian,
his skin flushed a shade of pink you’ve never seen before. It’s beautiful,
“You…you, you stupid,
crazy, idiotic, moron,” he
shouts with tears in his eyes. His bottom lip trembles and you reach to soothe
it. Blood smears against the soft bristles that surround his mouth but neither
of you really notice. “How could you do this? How…why, why would you ever you–”
“You’re alive,” your voice is hoarse and choked and filling
with something you’re not sure of. It doesn’t even sound like you but he looks
at you as if you were the only thing he heard. You think he says something else
but the look on his face means he understands exactly what you’re saying.
He’s breathing heavy now. You can feel it in gentle puffs
against your face. He’s shaking his head as he stares at you. He keeps shaking
his head until his hair forms a dark curtain around his shimmering eyes. “No,”
he whispers. “Not without you, not…please–”
You shake your head in response. “You’re alive,” you whisper
as darkness begins to creep into your vision. “You’re alive.”
The weight of what you’re saying seems to settle onto his
skin and into his bones because he’s looking at you with disbelief and wonder and
fear and an ancient sadness that you feel deep in your chest. He presses his
lips to your face and a wetness leaks onto your skin and seems to slide right
off. “Not without you. я люблю тебя. Not without you.”
You clutch his hand and feel the black begin to spot his
face, turning him gray. “You’re alive,” you say finally before your head drops
into his metal palm.
Guys! I hit 4000 followers! I’m so happy I think I could cry. Thank you to every single one of you following me (though I sometimes wonder why my blog is even worth following). I’m eternally grateful to each and every one of you for liking the content I post (most of which is garbage) and sending me asks (all the half marco jokes) and leaving comments and things in the tags (i make sure to read all of them like the stalker that I am). Thank you all so much!! I would make this into a long and deep post about following your dreams but ain’t nobody got time for that so I leave you with this:
back when there weren’t hacks and we all had to duplicate crap with that turn-off-your-wifi-when-the-session-is-ending-at-the-exact-right-moment
when clover paths blew up in popularity and we all shared the same pain of having to dupe for hours and hours to fill our towns with clovers and WHOA I FOUND A FOUR LEAF CLOVER I WONDER IF THAT MAKES ME LUCKY
I remember when all the drama was on acnlconfessions and about 50% of it was furries
that infamous club tortimer troll guy who made me cry that one time and wow that was so stupid omg
“why is marshal so popularrrrr I only liek the UGLY villagersss” - about 30% of submissions to confession blogs
when I sold marshal to someone for 40 million bells omg
beetle farming for hours and hours to pay off them loans because once again NO HACKS
kind souls posting their high turnip prices and letting people come to their towns to sell, those people saved my life
the great pastel vs. forest towns debate (is that still a thing?)
when the sloppy set was a Huge Deal and now I never see it??
north tbh, I miss it
dream suite: “is that a bra rack”
debates about whether or not tom nook is really evil
discovering that you could put ur kk music on shuffle = mind blown
the excitement of discovering various new features in acnl for the first time- gem rocks, the clam shell music boxes, bamboo!! amazing!!
the term “dreamies” I rarely see it anymore and I am grateful for that
so, when you start seeing kd as a real couple? It was something specific or...?
I’ve actually thought quite a lot about this. anon, and Ive narrowed it done to 3 series of events. And I should start off by saying that my fetus exol self did not ship kaisoo in the beginning - I was more into se-kai. I remember, when I looked up a graph of all the exo ships (for knowledge), being so shocked and confused as to why there was line connecting jongin to kyungsoo. Because as far I’d known, those two didn’t seem like they’d go together at all. They were complete opposites! So, I left my se-kai life and went to investigate this interesting and strange pairing.
I was a
very casual about shipping the two, and didn’t think that much of their
interactions. I was very much aware of the cultural differences and the
hyped up fanservice groups put on for audiences, so I told myself that
it wasn’t that deep. However, I did find it interesting how their
“fanservices” were never quite put out there for the audiences to
actually see. (And realized that the “behind the scenes pairing” title
name was actually, quite… accurate lol)
ok ok I’ll stop rambling
now and get on with it. In chronological order these were the things
that really stood out to me and had me convinced.
If I remember correctly, this post was shared in 2014, after Dispatch
“leaked” baek-yeon’s “date,” and SM confirmed their “relationship.”
But the original post was written all the way back in 2012, so I was
fucking wOKE. And, ofc, I was more concerned and with baekhyun and
taeyeon’s thing because that was one of main points of the post being
shared at the time - so I completely looked over the kxk. But one line
really stuck out to me.
“Kai is possibly paired with Krystal, this is being discussed. But due to
unknown reasons, Kai doesn’t like couple pairings. Doesn’t like dating.”
remember reading this and just taking a moment, like “huh.” I had a
sense of relief(?). I don’t know how to explain it, but it hit me as
kind of… reassuring? Like he’s not just going along with everything sm wants; he must be
showing some level of resistance to media play - since him not
liking the setups must’ve been causing some sort of an issue. It just made me
feel a little better ok idk what I’m getting at nvm
I will admit,
Kyungsoo came to mind. I read this line and I thought of Kyungsoo being
one of those unknown reasons, and I entertained the idea for an hour or
two before coming back to Earth and convincing myself that the
possibility was just silly talk.
I remember finding this post very confusing, and I was very, very
shocked and put-off. lmao not to be dramatic, but it literally felt
like everything I’d ever known of exo and all that I had come to like
and admire about them had all been fake and a lie. I was upset for a long
time, too. (I’ve since gotten over it, but it really taught me not to trust everything sm puts out there. And that Dispatch is easily manipulated, and not a reliable source.)
The almighty “jagi” moment. It was one thing when I-fans where speculating about this moment back when occurred. We all like to think of the possibilities, but it was the language and culture barrier that had me mostly dismissing this moment at first. But it is an entirely different thing to see a k-fan basically confirm what we i-fans had been trying to figure out. I could really go on and on about this moment, but I’d just be saying all that’s been said in the post I’ve linked above; I’ve talked about several times in the past. So go read the linked post or go through my #jagi moment tag on @kaisoowls and you’ll have all you need to know. You’ll understand why I was and still am shook as fuck about it.
The entire day of 150531, still really sticks out to me - jagi moment, aside. Because their interactions were different that day; more… vivid, for a lack of a better term lol Kyungsoo’s eyes and his smiles looked very soft and warm when he looked at Jongin. His expressions held a lot of affection.
As a nice cherry on top, the OP of the “jagi analysis” even said that jagi is a confirmed thing amoung kfans, so literally… There’s not much else to say about that.
That being said, it’s very understandable why sm would’ve wanted to extinguish this, because rumors of homosexuality within a company can be quite devastating to their business (due to prejudice), so I’m not really surprised that sm would want to try and cover it up and pretend like it’s not anything meaningful or worthwhile. Which leads us onto the Monster showcase, and the birth of xiuchen’s “jagi” moment. (To be clear, I don’t hold anything against xiuchen at all, I’m very aware it was most probably all sm’s doings.)
My friend @dorkdo did an analysis on this a while back, so for a more in depth look into that moment, go read her post here. (would u look at that harman tysm for helping me in my woke journey i owe u)
3. Rumors of a gay couple + KxK confirmation
I’m sure you all remember the madness that ensued after that news company (I’m sorry that name is escaping me atm) threatened to publicly announce and out the gay couple that they had discovered. They literally stated that they were ready for the repercussions and lawsuits - they weren’t fucking around with this shit. All of speculation flooded around everywhere, everyone guessing and trying to figure out how the couple was - and of course, one of the main candidates was kadi.
I wasn’t happy at all about this. I wasn’t excited or looking forward to it as I saw many other kaisoo shippers posting about. I was fucking terrified of that slim possibility of it being kadi, because - realistically - I doubt it would’ve ended well for anyone involved. With the heavy prejudice and discrimination against homosexuality still going on, it would’ve possibly been very damaging for exo, and most importantly, jongin and kyungsoo. I’m sure they would get support, of course the would, but the number of people going against them would be far greater, possibly.
And then, behold. kxk is suddenly “outed” by Dispatch, and sm confirmed their relationship within hours of the scandal’s release. To say I was a little skeptical is kind of an understatement. I really did not believe this news at all when it was released. Especially not after the INNER WORKINGS OF SM post reemerged. Which quite literally stated that sm has had kxk setup for release since 2012. I called bullshit within the first 48hrs. And the circumstances at the time really set it in stone for me; I decided that I would support kadi. I would be logical and realistic about everything further that would ensue - but I would support kadi.
So there you go anon, I’m sorry this post is a million miles long lol
Alright, Overwatch fandom! McHanzo fandom! Whatever fandom I have to call upon. I have a simple request for you guys.
Now, I’m a big fan of McHanzo and every now again while browsing the tag, I see this image.
Now, to those unaware, this is Yasuo, a champion from League of Legends (yes yes I play LoL. I’d feel bad about it, except I don’t). Specifically, this is his “High Noon” skin. Anyway, usually when I see it in the tag, it’s usually someone saying that this is McCree’s and Hanzo’s son. It’s easy to see why. I mean, a cowboy samurai? Shoot, his serape even sorta looks like Jesse’s. The skin series is even called “High Noon”*.
*note: in case someone’s wondering, both the champion AND the skin were released long before Overwatch.
But wait… note that I said “skin series”. That’s right, there’s others in this skin set.
May I introduce High Noon Twisted Fate…
and High Noon Jhin.
Why am I bringing this up? Well, if Yasuo is their son, can the other two be their sons too? Like, Yasuo very much takes after papa Hanzo and has a wind dragon, Twisted Fate takes more after Jesse and has a serious gambling problem, and Jhin hung out with Grandma Amari and Grandpa Reyes a bit too much and now he uses a sniper rifle and has an obsession with death?
Really self-indulgent post over: carry on with your lives.
i’m sorry im late qq THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH THOUGH !! i know 200 is not much for a lot of people but it means a lot to me ;; i never thought i would get more than 50+ to see my art haha >.< I LOVE YOU ALL AND HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GOOD DAY! here is a messy drawing of myself
I hit 100 followers, thank you all so much! I couldn’t have made it without you! I now am going to tag some of the nicest people I have met, and my biggest fans! I encourage you to follow those people, since they all are extremly nice and post great content!
I don’t even know, why you all have followed me? I am trash????
Also this is only slightly related but I finally got around to watching Brian’s Mario kart videos and now I see what everyone meant when they said how cute it was that he was supporting Brock so much ;-; Even during the races when they weren’t playing teams, he was so excited every time Brock got first, it was adorable ;;-;;
Adrien cracked open an eye and smiled at her, clad only in the last pair of swim trunks he’s been asked to model. “You know it.”
Marinette held up a bottle of tan lotion. “The director is worried about your ‘flawless model skin.’”
Adrien laughed. “Is she? Sorry about that.”
He sat up and accepted the bottle, lines of his stomach standing in clear relief as he did so, and Marinette’s mouth went dry.
She watched, hypnotized and silent, as Adrien rubbed the stuff into his skin, miles and miles of it bare to her eyes.
Clearing her throat, she reminded herself that she’d come here on a mission, and that mission didn’t involve ogling. “S-so, um… What’s it like, being married to Ladybug?”
She knew that it was probably pretty much like not being married at all, but she was still working on that.
Adrien slowed in administering the sunscreen, staring into the distance with a tiny little grin. “It feels kind of like a dream, honestly.”
And also oh.
“And what’s it like being married to Chat Noir?” he returned, little grin going cheeky. “Everything you ever dreamed?”
Marinette opened her mouth to deny this scandalous accusation, only to find she really couldn’t.
“I— Yeah. Surprisingly.”
It wasn’t everything she’d ever dreamed, but, despite the circumstances, it was almost better. She hadn’t expected to feel this at ease.
She shook the thought of Chat off and pressed a little harder. “What do you and Ladybug do together?”
Nothing, she knew, but she needed a lead-in.
He blinked and laughed a little self-deprecatingly. “Not much, honestly. She’s busy with the city-saving and all… Well, you know how it is.”
Marinette hummed, distracted by the fact that he seemed to have gotten every bit of skin he could reach, which didn’t include the golden skin of his back. “Can I get your back?”
He handed the bottle back over with quiet thanks, and Marinette knelt behind him on the fake beach, squirting the lotion onto her fingers and painting a wet stripe down Adrien’s back.
She could do this much for him, if not much else.
“What do you wish you and Ladybug did?” she asked, drawing little circles through the sunscreen, because subtlety had never been her strong point.
“Who says I wish for anything?” Adrien sounded surprised.
“I…” Marinette floundered for an excuse. “I mean… I do know her. I’m betting you haven’t seen her much.”
He made an understanding noise. “Right. I forgot you two were friends.”
Marinette just concentrated on working the sunscreen into Adrien’s back as thoroughly as she could.
“I guess I do wish I saw her more,” Adrien confessed to her in an undertone, like it was a secret. “But she’s got a city to protect. Can’t exactly complain that I can’t take her out on a date when it’s on her to stop every single akuma that pops up.”
He’d said ‘date.’
He’d implied he wanted to take Ladybug on a date.
“N— well…” Marinette gathered up the scattered shreds of her composure and confessed, “I think I see Chat way more than you see Ladybug—” ah shoot “—i-if I know anything about Ladybug at all.”
Adrien tipped his head back to give her a sympathetic smile. “She’s pretty elusive, isn’t she.”
Marinette strangled out a noise that was less of a hum and more of a squeak, entirely distracted from her task.
Adrien leaned away and stretched. “That’s great, Marinette. Thanks!”
He wanted to take Ladybug on a date.
They both looked up to find the director poking her head around the doorjam.
“It’s too bright, so we’re moving inside.”
“Well, that was pointless,” Marinette sighed, snapping the lid of the bottle shut.
“Not pointless,” Adrien said, standing up and stretching again. “I got to talk with you. We don’t do that enough.”
He wanted to talk with Marinette more.
And take Ladybug on a date.
Whatever else Adrien might’ve said got lost in Marinette’s daydreams.
Elia/Rhaegar: An Analysis of their Doomed Romance(Part 1)
Hello! So this is the analysis that I had promised! This will be addressing the reasoning behind my belief that Rhaegar loved Elia romantically through analysis of what little we know about them. I know that it is a rather unpopular opinion so I just felt like I wanted to share my reasoning behind it.
I have decided to split up the analysis into different posts because otherwise it would just be way too long.
Part 2 is here: [x] and my response to @murderwifed, a massive and hugely biased hypocrite, can be found here : [x]
This first part will be addressing the arguments most commonly used to deny the romance between Elia and Rhaegar. I decided to address this first just to get it out of the way so that when I do address reasons for romance between Elia and Rhaegar the train of thought will not be “yeah but ….. [insert argument that I will hopefully address in this post].”
The biggest most common arguments that I have heard are:
1) If Rhaegar really loved Elia then Barristan would have told Dany. Instead Barristan used the word “fond.” And of course Dany thinks that Rhaegar did not love Elia.
2) If Rhaegar really loved Elia then he wouldn’t have run away with Lyanna.
3) Rhaegar supposedly said Lyanna’s name when he died.