why am i allowed to do anything ever

How to study while struggling with mental-health

Em Português

  So, I’m new to this studyblr thing, but I haven’t seen something like this before. Studying can be hard while you go on and off with with your illness, and I believe the most important is bending your way of thinking. It’s hard word. But recovery is such a gratifying hard work. 

   You just can’t study sometimes, and that doesn’t mean you’re not being productive. Treat yourself, your body needs rest, food, exercise, relaxing. Everytime you do one of this, you can congratulate yourself. Congratulate yourself, even if it seems so small. In my bad days, texting my best friend is hard. And I let myself feel good when I do it. When I think that only if I’m studying I’m being productive, I tend to loose motivation, and get into the vicious circle of feeling bad brcause I don’t study and not studying cause I feel bad. So I find other ways to feel productive, and increase them until I can put small studies - and them increase them! This might take a few days, or weeks. But remember that you’re trying and that already is remarkable, so do congratulate yourself and do be proud that you got out of bad to brush your teeth. 

 You can try: 

  • Taking care of yourself 
  • Watching a TV show. 
  • Baking something! I love this one 
  • Stretching and walking. It can be just around your room, but it will wake your body up. Cuddle and playing with a pet if you have one. 
  • Reading anything. It can be the dumbest fanfic ever, but it will help you concentrate, so nice one! 
  • Playing a game. 
  • Sketching drawings or random quotes. And this ain’t meant to look pretty, just to be fun. 
  • Coloring.
  • Making yourself some tea. 
  • Anything really!

  “But others are so productive”. You know what is AWSOME? Living when your mind is fighting against you. You’re already formidable for anything you can accomplish because of this. Remember that you’re not to blame on how your brain works, and allow yourself bad days. And every time you do study, don’t ever think “finally, I lost so many times already” but be SUPER proud of you. I am. You’re doing great if you’re searching so much to find helpful tips already.

   Planing is great, but breaking schedules is ok. This happens to everyone, I promise. You wouldn’t blame yourself if you got stuck in the rain, or had to help a friend, right? So why do if you can’t get out if bed? You can’t always control it. So what I do is planing, and instead of feeling bad about what I haven’t done, I feel good about what I have done. Sometimes, looking at lost dates is hard. So I close my agenda and just make a to-do list, crossing the items when I get to them, and never following orders. And remember to put small tasks in your list as well! 

  Have a routine before studying, and have a routine before studying when you’re not feeling good. This helps your brain associate that it needs to concentrate. 

 I have three routines, for example:
 In my normal days, I just stretch, drink cold water and put some music I like and get straight to studying hard.
 On my sad days, I take a cold shower, eat a snack and play some concentration games. Only then I get to studying, and I start with baby steps - I tend to watching videos or listening to poadcasts first. It takes a while, but anything you can do you need to feel proud about.
  On my hipomaniac days, I go for walks or even runs. I need to tire my body a bit or I can’t focus. Then I take two glasses of water and a shower. Only THEN I study, and usually start with reading, to remind myself that while I have a lot of energy and feel good, it won’t do anything without discipline. 

  Find out what works for you. On bad days it will take a while, but if it gets you going, it is more than worth it. 

  Exercise. And again, it is okay when you can’t - and not a privilege of us neuroatypicals. But exercises are good ways to control your body chemistry. I have three exercise routines - again, for normal days in which I have energy, for days when I have less energy and for days in which I have WAY too much energy. You also don’t need to do this everyday, this is me, but have a schedule. And never fear to break schedules. Also, eat healthy.

  Remember: mental illness is all about chemistry, which is frustrating, but also means you can hack it. And not just with medication. 

  Talk about your feelings, and not only when they’re bad. If you can afford a therapist, great. If you don’t, regularly talk to hotlines or trustworthy persons. Or just write about it. It really works to reduce your number of crises.

  Power posing. Talking about hacking brain chemistry! I learnt this from a lecture called Our Body Language Shapes Who We Are, from psychologist Amy Cuddy - you can find it at TED. And it changed my life. Posing like Wonder Woman or all star spread for two minutes gets your cortisol (stress hormone) levels down, and your testosterone levels up! Sounds silly, but it does work. Also, it does look kinda silly so you can laugh and have fun while at it.

  Have safety plans for every bad emotion you feel. I make lists I can look at when an emotion is overwhelming and pick something to do. Things like anxiety crises, sadness, anger, apathy and self destructive thoughts. This will help you reduce the times of this bad emotions and refrain it from growing into worse things, such as episodes. 

  Motivation. Motivation is important to anyone. I love lists - especially because I can hide them if they’re making me feel bad - so I have one for this as well. Things such as: 

  •  I love learning 
  •  Studying is a way of having control over my brain 
  • I want to be a teacher that makes a difference

  I also love listening to Sia’s The Greatest, it’s kinda of my fighting song. If you have one, blast it and perform it ridiculously around your room until your dog is staring at you like you bring dishonor to the family - or is it just my life. 

  Find your motivation and keep it to your chest. ]

  Try out different study methods in different states. Look at posts at studying tips - always remembering that some might not work for you, and that’s not (just) because of your illness, and that’s ok, that’s why they are so many - and use them to build your study routines. Routines are great because they bring safety and help you when you’re lost. 

 Sometimes you can’t control your sleep. It is important to try, however, don’t blame yourself if your brain just make it impossible some days. This is to the folks that are on the bipolar spectrum and like me can go 5 days straight with a maximum of 4 hours of daily sleep. If you know you can’t control it, don’t force it. It will make you feel anxious and you get MORE enrgy and impulsiveness. Tiring your body and brain helps. 

  There are days when it is three a.m. and I just can’t sleep but am not feeling bad. On those days, I work for a maximum of two hours. It is a nice moment for putting your reading in day. But never do this for many consecutive days, you’ll feel like a zombie later. However, it can help with getting something done. And it is especially calming for unrest. 

  Remember that bad days happen and you’re allowed to feel, to cry and rest. And that you’re never a burden when you need help or talk about your feelings. You are only human. Have routines, break routines. Do crazy wishes like decorating a Christmas tree in the middle of June. Pamper yourself. And just never give up. 

Hope some of this helped.

Just Roommates (Part 2)

Originally posted by yourfavoritedirector

Summary: Dean and reader are at odds with each other as they attempt to rescue Sam…

Part 1

Pairing: Dean x reader

Word Count: 3,000ish

Warnings: lots of language

A/N: Flangst, definite flangst incoming…

Keep reading

today i was reflecting in the shower.. where i normally do all of my deeper thinking.. and i couldn’t stop thinking about 2016. i know.. we’re in a new year.. time to let it go.. but i don’t think i properly cleansed myself or made peace with how my year went. and because a lot of what happened to me throughout the year continuously comes to mind.. i knew it was time to sit down and write out my feelings. what has made me the writer or “poet” that i am today.. is i’ve spilled my heart out on paper, time and time again, but lately i’ve been extremely distant. i’m not sure whether it’s because i feel a burden to always be positive and uplifting or because i find myself more afraid than ever. last year i cried. and cried. and cried. more than i’ve ever cried in my 22 years of life. i even made a habit out of watching really sad and emotional movies just so i could find an excuse to. also.. i’ve smoked more than ever before. longing to both - feel.. and be numb. i’d smoke before writing so i could pull certain stories out of me. then i’d smoke after, to forget them. often times.. i just got high enough to make myself fall asleep so i wouldn’t have to deal with anything. in the midst of one of my episodes.. i realized i suffer, and have always suffered, from feeling like nobody really understands me. i’ve always felt like i was someone who was constantly mistaken for an entirely different person. i always feel like i don’t “fit”. i don’t fit around friends.. i don’t fit around family.. i don’t make sense at social gatherings.. i don’t feel at home in my own home. i think a lot of these feelings have come up, from time to time, because i’ve never really known my true identity. all i’ve ever known myself to be is someone that everyone clings to. and not in a “she’s the life of the party” kind of way, but more so, “she’s the person to get advice from” way. and although.. this may sound selfish, sometimes i wish i had someone like me. i wish i had someone who was willing to help solve my problems before solving their own. as i’m typing, i’m starting to cry again. and i’m crying because i don’t know when exactly this will end. or if this discomfort is how i’m meant to live life. maybe this is just the life of an empathic. maybe when i started asking god to “use” me, i signed up for this. the truth is, 2016 should have been the best year of my life. i released a book that hit the best sellers list, i bought my dog that brings an unlimited source of awe to my life, i signed a major publishing deal, i moved out of my parents house and into a new home, i lost friends that never clapped for me, and gained friends who’ve been there for me in every way since, i built this whole “brand” into something much bigger than i ever expected myself to, i found out i was cancer free, i promise the list could continue on. but depression got in the way. of everything. i never once celebrated myself. i never once intervened, and took control. i never even thought to. i felt like whatever i was going through.. i was supposed to. and still.. i’m not sure the reasoning.. i just kept living with a kind of sadness i have yet to find a name for. instead of focusing on all of the goodness that god was placing in my life, i had tunnel vision on everything that i felt was going wrong. i couldn’t see life in a positive light no matter how good things may have got. my parents split up. i was forced to move out. i lost my home base. i went, and still go, months without speaking to either one. my boyfriend was dealing with an ex who continuously threatened to take her life at the account of us being together. all i wanted to do was help her. but couldn’t. i had a new life to take care of, when i could barely take care of my own self. i lost all my friends. literally, every single one. i never ever could leave the house because of how bad my social anxiety was getting. i found out i had a fractured jaw because of the size of a tumor that was holding it in place. i found out i had a fucking tumor that could have been cancerous. i had reconstructive jaw surgery that ruined the nerve and feeling in my mouth. i could not eat or sleep or talk straight for months. i’m still dealing with the pain. i was consistently working and doing interviews right after my surgery. i was and am still extremely exhausted from this. i never properly allowed myself to rest or heal. i started working with a team that could not fully ever understand me which only added to my frustration, loneliness, and sadness. and again, THIS LIST could go on. but more than anything. i was bullied. as my brand kept getting bigger, i was bullied more. and more. and i couldn’t understand how my work, trying to help and heal people, could bring in such negative responses. i couldn’t understand why there were people who were so eager to tear me apart, they would start to attack my image. everyday people attack the way i look and sound. and this kind of bullying brought back a lot of old feelings that i never dealt with as a kid. growing up i was constantly brought down and picked on because of the way i look. i was never skinny enough. or pretty enough. or i was too hairy. or my teeth were too crooked. or my hair was too nappy. or i was too dark. or i was too “black”. or i wasn’t “black enough”. now, i’m receiving - i’m too stupid or i’m too fake. my writing isn’t good enough. my writing is cliche. i look like a monkey. and so on. and so forth. and as i’m typing these things.. i find myself giggling a bit, wondering why i even allow these things to bother me. but truthfully, all negativity from outside sources bothers me. no matter what form it comes in. i always question, “what have i done to deserve this?” and although i often ignore these nasty comments, i’ve realized i harbor the feelings i receive when i see these comments. embarrassment. frustration. confusion. hurt. disappointment. betrayal. i let these statements affect me to the point where i’m starting to silence my voice. i’m starting to be more afraid to speak up for myself. the thought of confrontation makes me nervous. the thought of even receiving any awful comments makes my stomach flip. so i won’t say anything at all. i’ll keep everything to myself if it’ll keep the mean people and their nasty opinions away. but i’m trying to break out of this. i really am. i’m trying to be more understanding of the way people work. i know.. that the way we treat people is a reflection of the way we treat or view ourselves. meaning.. those who are willing to go out of their way to attack a person for absolutely no reason, ultimately feel that they need to. either because, they don’t have enough love for themselves, to be consumed within themselves and their own positivity, or, simply, they hate themselves just as much as they hate me. and not personally, but mainly, their views of life are formed in a negative and hateful way.. more often than not. idk.. maybe i’m getting too ahead of myself. or maybe i make sense and i’m afraid no one will understand it. lol. but anyway. idk. i’m just glad i got to get these things off my chest because i feel like my readers.. and supporters.. or those who just fuck with me, for whichever reason.. are always looking forward to hearing from me. and i’m trying to, again, be more accepting of the fact that not everyone is going to always like my shit. my writing. my poetry. my points of view. my ideas. and that’s okay. that doesn’t make me any less of an artist or woman or idealist.. and that doesn’t make whomever else any less than either. i’m thankful. for these moments of clarity because they really ground me and put me back in my place. i get to reflect on how i’ve sabotaged my own life.. and i pray that god help me heal from it. the reality of this all is.. i’m my own worse enemy. and i have been.. for most of my life. and i know this because i would have never ever allowed myself to go through all the hardships that i did. i would have never allowed myself to not only deal with half the people i’ve dealt with - but also.. i wouldn’t have allowed myself to be as affected by negativity as i was. all i was doing, and all i’ve been doing, is place energy in places and spaces that my energy was never meant to be. 2016 was the ending. i firmly believe this because there is always a storm before a sunny day. there were times last year when i thought i was out of touch with myself and i couldn’t hear god as clearly as i’m used to.. but really.. s/he was with me all along. guiding me to this place i’m in now. this place of - understanding, acceptance, and gratitude. i’m finally understanding that sometimes we go through shit. sometimes a lot of shit. but what we go through doesn’t define us. it shapes us into the people that we’re ultimately meant to be. stronger. wiser. and happier.. if anything. i’m finally accepting that some things, many things, are out of our control. but we have much more control than we think. the way we react to life will result in our karma. we can choose how to react and ultimately this will help affect all of our situations moving forward. i’m also learning to accept people as they are. everyone will do as they please. and not everyone will be considerate of mine, or anyone else’s, feelings. in knowing this, i have to constantly remind myself to not take anything personal. the longer i feed into other peoples negativity, the longer i’ll be miserable. misery is the result of not fully understanding or not fully having control over certain situations. but the more intuitive we are.. the easier it will be to keep away from misery. and finally.. i’m grateful for the one friend i had all along.. whom i never give enough credit to. my best friend and boyfriend. every single tear that came strolling down my cheek.. he was always here to help wipe and then uplift me. the more silence i become the more he encourages me to speak. even if he, himself, doesn’t fully understand. i’m grateful to god for showing up in all forms. people. places. numbers. symbols. etc. i cannot be anymore thankful for my relationship with god. for not only helping me get through one of the best/worst years of my life.. but also.. for giving me the strength to open up about it. knowing.. that everyone’s perception of me is that i’ve “got it all together.”
—  Reyna Biddy
What really happened after 2×20
  • Alec: Ever since our fight, I can't think straight.
  • Magnus: I can't do anything without thinking about you.
  • Alec: I don't think I can live without you.
  • Magnus: So we're doing this now? Well I love you more!

MythBusters  {Sentence Starters}

  • “Holy crap, RUN!”
  • “Here comes chaos!”
  • “QUACK, damn you!”
  • “When in doubt… C-4.”
  • “Am I missing an eyebrow?”
  • “Well, there’s your problem…”
  • “Failure is ALWAYS an option!”
  • “Generally, I prefer a little bit more.”
  • “I always enjoy seeing _____ in pain.”
  • “This is starting to feel like a BAD idea….”
  • “I reject your reality and substitute my own.”
  • “Our Death Ray doesn’t seem to be working.”
  • “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth overdoing, right?”
  • “High explosives and electricity, WHOO HOO!”
  • “This is why we can never have anything nice…”
  • “If I had any dignity, that would have been humiliating.”
  • “Oh, my God! This is more fun than should be allowed.”
  • “This is one of those ‘What the hell am I doing?’ moments.”  
  • “Remember, don’t try this at home. We’re what you call EXPERTS.”
  • “I think that was one of the most destructive things I’ve ever done. That was cool!”
  • “I think this thing could hurt you. I think we’re about to find out whether it will hurt you.”
  • “Remember kids, the only difference between screwing around and science is writing it down!”
  • “You know, I promised my mom and dad I wouldn’t do anything stupid after I got out of college.”

anonymous asked:

Are you taking prompts? Could you maybe write something fluffy and domestic where Mulder and Scully are "nesting" - you know, getting the house ready for the baby before she goes into hospital.

Yes! To the prompt taking :) And thank you for this wonderful one. The thing got away from me, so it’s not really want you wanted, but yeah. Set in late season 8. This is pure fluff. 

“Scully?” Mulder groans without opening his eyes. Her hands glide over his naked chest and then she’s kissing him there before her mouth travels up north, making sure not to miss anything, until she reaches his mouth.

“Is everything all right?” He manages to ask in between kisses.

“Hmm. Can’t sleep.” Scully moves closer and her big stomach bumps against his side.

“And so you thought I shouldn’t sleep either?” Mulder tries to roll away from her to check the time but she’s always been freakishly strong for someone this small, and her hands keep him in place. “Scully, what time is it?”

“4 am.” She tells him, her lips never once leaving his body. They can’t do this, he reminds himself. After her partial abruption she’s been told to take it easy. No running around, no heavy lifting and lots of bed rest. And, the doctor had glared at them intently when he said this, no sex. They had both blushed crimson. Not that they were having sex, or even talking about it. He can’t be sure about her, because they don’t talk about it, or anything important, but he knows he was definitely thinking about it. A lot. For now, though, he is happy to be allowed in her bed, to hold her, touch her any way she lets him. He is content here being on the receiving end of her kisses. They’re not back yet, back at that point before he left for Oregon, but they’re on their way. It’s a long way, full of obstacles and hoops to jump through, but Mulder knows how to jump. He just needs Scully to tell him how high.

“Scully, you know we-” She groans and then she’s gone. He feels cold in all the places she’s just touched, misses her mouth over his, and all he can do is watch her waddle to the bathroom. Mulder is certain that she doesn’t mean to slam the door shut but she does anyway. He sits up in bed and waits.

“I’m sorry.” Scully tells him upon her return and the bed dips when she crawls back in. “I just – I can’t sleep, Mulder. I feel like,” she sighs deeply, “there is so much to do. You know?” He doesn’t really, so he remains quiet, nods anyway.

“But you really should sleep,” he tries and it earns him a glare, “The doctor said-”

“Mulder, I’m a doctor, too.”

“I know, but Scully… once the baby is here-”

“That’s just it, Mulder. We’re not prepared. This whole apartment – we’re not prepared. There is so much to do.”

“We are,” he tells her with a soft kiss, “We are prepared. There’s nothing to worry about.” She huffs and Mulder agrees with a soft chuckle that when it comes to them, and the impending birth, there are a million things to worry about. “Just try to get some sleep, all right? I promise you, it’ll all look better in the morning.”

“Mulder, it is-”

“Morning, yeah. Just please close your eyes, Scully, get some sleep. Try at least?” He puts on his best puppy face, pouts his lips, and she giggles. She gives him one last kiss before she tries to get comfortable next to him and he is asleep before she’s found the perfect position.

The next time Mulder wakes up it is much less pleasant. There is a loud, strange clang somewhere followed by an uttered expletive. He is on his feet quickly, his eyes barely opene and his vision blurry.

“Scully?” His voice, too, is still trying to wake up. He finds her in the kitchen surrounded by several pans and pots. “What are you doing?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. What are you doing here in the kitchen?”

“Cleaning.” As if it were the most logical thing ever. Mulder stares at her.

“Cleaning? You’re cleaning at – I have no idea what time it is. Why are you cleaning?”

“It’s almost 6 am,” she tells him leaving the pots and pans behind to waddle into the living room where two full laundry baskets wait sit on the couch, “since I’m not allowed to lift anything heavy, I thought you could do it.” She merely points at the baskets.

“You want me to do laundry at 6 am? Scully, are you all right? Is everything all right with the baby?” Mulder puts his hand on her stomach, strokes it absent-mindedly. The baby, it appears, is sleeping.

“I’m fine, Mulder, really. I just need to do this. The apartment needs to be clean before the baby comes. I won’t have time to clean it once it’s here.”

“Oh.” Realization dawns on him and he can’t suppress a smile.

“Exactly, ‘oh’. We need to do this now, Mulder because-”

“You’re nesting.” He interrupts her.

“Excuse me?” She stands up straight, or as straight as she possibly can, and shoots him another glare.

“You’re nesting. It’s totally normal, Scully. You want to get the place ready for the baby. I get it.” He just can’t stop grinning.

“I… just… will you at least help me with the laundry?” She stutters helplessly. Mulder engulfs her into his arms, resting his chin on top of her head.

“No,” she tries to push him away, but he holds her tightly, “you’re going back to bed now. As will I. We’ll sleep at least another hour, or two hopefully. Then we’ll call the guys to help us out here and then, and only then, will I do laundry.”

“But Mulder, I-” This time it’s Mulder who gently pushes at her so he can see her face. She’s staring up at him, out of arguments, yet full of unreasonable ideas.

“I promise you, we’ll get the place ready before the kid is born. I’ll clean every pot, every pan and every sink personally – twice. If you promise to come back to bed now and get some rest. I might even let your order me around. I know you need to do this, Scully, and I’ll gladly help. Just not right now.” He watches her, awaits her reaction. She is warm against him and if he could, he’d carry her to bed. Finally, she nods. Mulder sighs, grins and takes her hand to lead her back into the bedroom.

“I’ll set the alarm, Mulder,” Scully tell him earnestly, “You get three hours, because I love you, but then we’ll get to work.”

“Yes, ma'am.”

Inktober for Writers Day 12

12. Instrument

“No,” Stiles said and every head swiveled around to him.

“What do you mean ‘No’?” Scott asked and Stiles stared him down.

“I mean no. We are not doing this. You won’t use him for that. Not again,” Stiles declared and didn’t break eye contact with Scott.

“It’s safe, Stiles. We’ll all be right there,” Scott tried to placate him and Stiles scoffed.

“Oh, yeah? If it’s so safe, why can’t I do it? Why can’t Kira? Or Liam? Why does it have to be Derek?” Stiles asked and Derek looked down at his hands.

“It’s okay, Stiles,” he lowly said and Stiles had to swallow all his rage before he could answer.

“It’s really not, Derek. I am so sick of people using you like that, like you are some kind of, of instrument they can just apply however they like.”

“Stiles, come on,” Scott started but Stiles cut him off.

“Come on? Really, Scott? Derek’s been used enough and he’s been hurt enough.”

“It’s not like I am like that,” Scott said and Stiles walked right up to him.

“You mean you don’t want to use him to get what you want. Like Kate did. Or like Jennifer did. Or like the Alphas did when they killed Boyd. Oh, wait, I bet you don’t want to use him like you did when you made him bite Gerard,” Stiles spit and Scott paled a bit at his words.

“He’s not your fucking attack dog you can point at everything you don’t want to deal with. If it’s so fucking safe, you go be the bait,” Stiles told him, seething with rage but Scott stayed quiet.

“I thought so,” Stiles whispered and then got his jacket. “If you come up with a plan that doesn’t require Derek to put himself in danger to please you, come talk to me. Until then, stay away,” he threw over his shoulder and left the loft.

He drove home, hands shaking on the wheel. He was so worked up, anger simmering just underneath the surface. He was angry at Scott, and everyone who used Derek before, made him believe that that was how it’s supposed to be. He had to pull over halfway to his home, just to get himself under control again.

When he finally did arrive home, Derek was already waiting in his bedroom.

“What?” Stiles asked and flopped down on the bed. Being this angry took a lot out of you.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Derek told him. “It was a good plan.”

“If it’s such a good plan, someone else can take your place.”

“I don’t understand why it makes you so angry,” Derek lowly admitted and Stiles got up again to look at him.

Derek seemed lost, and also just a little bit hopeful.

“Because I care. Because you shouldn’t be used like that. Someone is always using you like a means to an end and I am so fucking tired of it. It has happened so often, you don’t even see anything wrong with it anymore. But I do, and I won’t stand by anymore,” he declared.

“Scott’s going to go through with it,” Derek said and Stiles clenched his hands before Derek continued. “I told him no.”

“You did?” Stiles asked surprised. “Why?”

“Because no one ever cared,” Derek whispered and Stiles was there to hug him a second later.

“I do. I care. I care so damn much, I won’t allow him to do that anymore,” he told Derek, who held on tight.

“I think I’m starting to get that,” Derek replied and didn’t let go of Stiles for a long time.


I made you anon for this by cutting out your name, because to be honest it is unfair for you to send me an opinion but I cannot reply. You can ramble, and I have the right to respond to it. Please, do not be unfair.

Like I said before, it’s just a personal character story/muse. I work in creative industry, also IP development, so I do have many experience in this. I don’t wish to talk about it in FANDOM terms because the whole thing is very different, but let me talk about my opinion. 

Toby’s game is something commercially made. I have my officially published comics in my own country. Do people create fandom things out of it? The answer is yes. Am I possessive about it? No. 

It’s because it’s already commercially made, and you do expect that stuff really. It’s normal. But there’s an invisible boundary about it because it is legally already yours, and it is your product. That’s a nature of any commercial product.

However, if Toby said “stop making AU of my stuff” will I stop? The answer is absolutely YES I will, no question about it. If such thing really happen, I respect toby enough to even delete all my things if he does mention that anywhere, no real reason why I shouldn’t. My fandom things are created precisely from his things, so if he ask people to take AUs down, 100% I will do it without any hard feelings, because these things won’t ever happen without HIS game. Isn’t that right?

When you created a small thing, or in this case, not a commercial thing (and a fandom derivative stuff), and sort of a muse, I have the right to feel discomfort that other people uses the idea for their own desires, no?

Or, am I not allowed to even feel anything on that matter?

Like I said in the previous post, I can’t stop anyone from doing it, but all I can do at least voice out my feelings and thoughts about it. 

If that makes you feel discomfort, I apologize, but please know I am a human as well, and I have the right to voice my thoughts and feelings about what I created, regardless what other people will take from it. 

sessions with my therapist have been super helpful and it makes me feel super proud for the change I’ve made thus far, the person I am allowing myself to evolve into, and the continued work that is to come. a running thread through our discussions is a need to better cultivate self-love, which I recently seem to have lost a little bit. but you know what??? I am a beautiful human. I am loving and loyal and caring and kind. I am intelligent and clever and driven. I can do anything I put my mind to and I know I am going to continue to change people’s lives in work and in personal interaction. why should I ever limit myself???

I have bought a few journals to document my gratitude/goals/current feelings, as well as starting daily yoga practices and trying to really connect myself to my world as it is. life is a beautiful thing and I need to allow myself to embrace it without fear that it’ll fall from my grasp.

I deserve this. I owe it to myself.

elphabun  asked:

I have 8 novel/la ideas that I really love, in various states of planning. One already has over 10k written (that's my camp nano novel this year). But I just. I want to write them all and I'm getting really stressed trying to figure out what to do. Any advice?

Pick one and stick with it, the other ideas aren’t going anywhere. By all means if a new idea strikes and you want to scribble it down before you lose it, absolutely scribble it down, but if you’re determined to get one thing finished, stick to that one thing until it’s done.

Some people can multi-task projects and that’s great for them if they can flip back and forth and not get overwhelmed. But for some of us we need to enforce stricter rules on ourselves and only do the one thing at once. That’s why my fanfic died a death in the last year, I’ve been working on Hunger Pangs pretty much non stop, and I’m making far more progress with it than I ever have anything else, purely because I’ve banned myself from fiddling with other ideas while I am working on it. If an idea strikes me as being particularly good for XYZ story I will open up the file and document it, but I wont allow myself to get lost in another world while I’m halfway through another.

You can also try giving yourself a schedule, say, you plan to write 200-400 words a day, how long do you think your project will take? Will it take you 6 months? A year? Map it out, make yourself a schedule. Make 2017 the year of X project, and 2018 the next, and if you get this year’s project done sooner, move on to the next thing.

If you lose interest in an idea and absolutely cannot work on it anymore, that’s fine, maybe you are not at a point in your writing process where that story is meant to happen. Maybe this story actually belongs to the narrative of something else and your brain is just playing with ideas until you figure out what you want to do with it. If you find yourself like this however, don’t scrap the idea, hit save, file it away, and pick a different project and go with that for as far as you can. Preferably until the end.


Originally posted by lifetimetv

Alright, honey, strap yourself in.

First of all, the fact that you took my criticism of Aang’s character development as “Aang hate” proves you have subscribed to the “Nice Guy” mentality. Never once did I say I hated Aang, just that I thought his character did not develop. Like, at all.

I absolved Zuko of nothing. My meta clearly says that the only reason Zuko is redeemed in a believable, authentic and meaningful way is because he makes mistakes. He does things that are bad and he has to deal with them, something that Aang NEVER does. Aang gets to throw his tantrum and validate it with “Well I’m the Avatar,” “I’m a monk”. NO. 

Originally posted by fiercegifs

“(Zuko) would have never had that chance if Aang didn’t see any good in him or constantly spared his life.”

I KNOW you didn’t just credit Zuko’s growth and maturity to Aang saying, “do you think we could’ve been friends?”

I KNOW YOU DIDN’T. Because you, darlin’, are grasping at straws. Aang had NOTHING to do with Zuko’s development, which is part of what makes it so amazing. Zuko realized his life had been built on lies, and he decided to stop the way he was living and build himself up from the ground up. 

“Zuko mocking Aang’s dead people like a dickhead when his family was directly responsible for their genocide.”

Originally posted by somewhatfrozen

FIrst of all, Zuko is not responsible for what his ancestors did. Period. If anything, Zuko owes reparations.AND I WOULD CLASSIFY DESERTING HIS COUNTRY TO HELP OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT REPARATIONS. 

Second of all, I have actually been thinking about the comments that Zuko made to Aang that always came off to me as unnecessary and mean spirited. 

“That’s nice, but this isn’t airbending pre-school.”

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

I always thought that was a dumb comment to make. Until I wrote that meta that went completely over your head. What Zuko is trying to say is the same thing I said about Aang in that meta. Zuko means that those principles are nice and wonderful in THEORY, but life ISN’T airbending preschool. Aang’s teachings don’t really apply to real life because real life isn’t lived exclusively by monks. It doesn’t apply because Katara is not a monk. Katara was not raised like one. And Aang’s inability to see past his own beliefs makes it impossible for him to understand Katara.

“Yeah! And you can show him all his baby pictures and the happy memories will make him good again!”

That, I’m assuming, is the mocking you’re referring to. I used to think that was such a dick thing for Zuko to say, until I realized how much of an ass Aang is in this scenario. 

What continues to bother me about Aang is that he is unwilling to make any sacrifices for the good of the world. He assumes his role as Avatar, but not once does Aang make compromises the way other characters do. Katara learns bloodbending. Sokka masters swordfighting (which is lethal), Zuko learns to redirect lightning, etc etc etc. In reality, those kids killed people. They were in the middle of a war, trying to stop a mass murderer from controlling everyone. 

And then you get Aang, who is apparently too good to kill? He’s too important/good/pure/righteous to kill Ozai? Let’s forget about the fact that he massacred entire ships of Fire Nation soldiers at the North Pole. Let’s pretend Aang had a clean slate for a second. What message is he sending to those people that are sacrificing everything  for him and for the world?

I can’t do that, because I’m an airbender.

Even if Aang would never in a million years think he was better than the rest of the gaang, that is the message that he’s sending when he says he can’t just kill Ozai. Killing Ozai was literally the only way to stop uprisings and guerilla wars breaking out after the comet came. Bryke’s deus ex machina is weak and unsatisfying.

Originally posted by tayleyshipper

Next your lovely paragraph dedicated to giving Aang credit for EVERYONE ELSE’S ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

1. Katara fought for her OWN right to be taught by Pakku. Aang had no part in that other than agreeing with her. You don’t get to give Aang credit for Katara standing up for herself. 

Originally posted by stuffmomnevertoldyou

2. Aang brought Katara’s necklace back to her coincidentally. He saw it on Zuko’s wrist and grabbed it. Why? BECAUSE he was trying to score points with Katara. That’s literally the only reason. If it had been anything more, this is where we would’ve seen Aang asking about Kya. 

3. Painted Lady is Katara, Aang doesn’t allow her to do anything.

4. Aang  allowing her to borrow Appa is meaningless. Not only does Katara say she would’ve taken him anyway, but I am positive she and Zuko would’ve found another way.

5. “He [knew] she needed to face him knew it was a decision she had to make” Um….  what episode were you watchin boo because all Aang ever did in that episode was try to shove his version of closure down Katara’s throat even when she was practically yelling at him what she needed. Let me just throw it in there that she never needed to communicate to Zuko what she needed. He knew. Aang did the equivalent of talking over her while she tried to tell him what she needed.

Originally posted by fiercegifs

- Katara, probably.

In short, YOU have no idea what Aang’s lack of character development is about. There is no self-doubt. There is no redemption because there is never a fall from grace to begin with. You don’t seem to grasp that a lot of us could make an argument about how this is really Zuko’s story. You don’t see how NOT EVERYTHING REVOLVES AROUND AANG and that’s what makes these characters amazing.


Originally posted by maumas-gifs

anonymous asked:

just a single egypt!au question, please: you are prince ace serverant, right? did he ever punish you? (not in the bad way, i mean talk to marco angry and something others.) do you ever make a mistake?

“Yes, I am, yoi..” the servant answered calmly, not sure why he needed to specify that as the collar around his neck made that clear, after all, it was the prince’s gems decorating it. “Punish me..?” a pause was there as the exotic blond thought about it. No, his master had actually never really punished him for anything, perhaps because he took careful steps and always followed what was allowed, but even those times where he has fallen out of line, like when he got accidentally drunk at a party… his master never punished him. “No, Prince Ace has never really punished me.. he has told me when something was wrong, but never in a way that felt like a punishment.” Though, there were that one time where he had spoken back to a lower master because the master had treated his servant badly, there he did receive words of disappointment, that memory made the servant’s head lower in slight shame. “I do make mistakes at times which has resulted in words of well earned disappointment.. But—” without mistakes certain lessons can’t be learned, was what the exotic blond wanted to say, but instead azure hues gazed off to the side as full lips parted, “nothing.. A servant shouldn’t speak words that they have no right to say.”

Enchanted In The Moonlight - MC is turned into an Ayakashi

Request from tashika100 - MC becomes an Ayakashi with powers like theirs but much more powerful.

Okay, so here we go!

Miyabi - You had never imagined that it would be possible for you to become an Ayakashi. In fact, the clan heads had never heard of such a thing. But due to your possession of the once in a millennia blood, Miyabi had been informed that you could make that transition.
When the question had been posed to you, you hadn’t been sure how to react exactly. Did Miyabi not like you just as you were? Though when you had asked him the question, he had been somewhat evasive initially.
It was only upon your visit to the mononoke village, that his Grandfather elaborated more on Miyabi’s reasons.
‘As you know, Miyabi’s mother was a human. In our world, Ayakashi live for much longer than humans.’
As the realisation hit you, you were more aware of why Miyabi had not said anything. He didn’t want to pressure you. Nothing like this had ever been done before and while he would not allow it if it were not safe, you knew Miyabi was still worried about you.
‘You know Miyabi won’t mind, whatever choice you make. He will support you, as you have supported him in the past.’
‘I know…but, if this means we can spend more of our lives together, then I am willing to do it…’
Smiling kindly at her, Isao took her hand.
‘You really are an incredible woman for Miyabi to call his bride. I know he deems himself very lucky…’
‘Do you think so?’ you asked softly, making him chuckle as though he was remembering something.
‘Ah, Miyabi isn’t exactly well known for expressing himself emotionally. Certainly not as well as some of the other clan heads might. But it is easy to see as a clan that you have changed Miyabi for the better and brought light to his heart. He does not care about any ridicule he faces now…so long as he has your love, that is all he needs. Though I know your choice will make him very happy…’
With everything decided, you had returned to the palace the following day, with Miyabi by your side as preparations were made.
Sitting down in the large banquet hall, you had requested that Miyabi’s grandfather also be there along with the other clan heads.
Knowing that you needed their support, Miyabi had willingly agreed. Needless to say, he had been concerned about the procedure itself. He had spent half of the morning threatening his staff that if anything happened to you, they would not live to see it.
You were his everything, he couldn’t allow something to happen to you, even if he couldn’t openly admit it with words.
Though as a goblet was placed before you, you felt Miyabi squeeze your hand tightly as your breathing seemed to still.
This was the moment.
Raising the cup to your lips, you took a moments breath before turning to Miyabi and telling him three words he had not expected.
‘I love you.’
Swallowing the entire contents of the goblet, you had almost dropped it when Miyabi caught it and placed it on the table before you, his hands gripping yours as you started to tremble.
‘Are you alright?’ he asked, putting a hand to your forehead as you nodded weakly.
Though as he ran a hand through your hair, you felt as though he had hit something strange. The whispering among the room sounding more acute…clearer somehow.
Following his hand, you soon felt the familiar softness of kitsune ears protruding from your own head as you looked down to find yourself adorning the red and white colours that Miyabi’s ayakashi form wore and a kitsune tail that gently settled around your hip and onto your lap.
‘Incredible…the girl with the special blood is truly something to behold,’ one of the elders praised, though Miyabi’s interest was more on you as he took your hands in his.
‘Try to light the candles.’
‘Command your kitsunebi. I know you can do it,’ he remarked, guiding your hand as you focused on the candles within the room, all consequently put out as you brought forth your new power.
Gasping aloud as the blue flames appeared within your palm, your eyes lit up as the candles sparked to life.
‘Incredible…’ Miyabi breathed, surprise in his eyes as you looked to him.
‘What is it?’
‘I have never seen such power as this before…’
‘Miyabi is right,’ Yukinojo chimed in, ‘your power is unlike anything we have ever seen from a pure blood ayakashi…it is almost, unbelievable.’
Taking your hand in his, Miyabi looked at you with such love in his eyes as he leant in to kiss you passionately, awakening a different kind of fire deep within you as he nibbled on your lower lip.
‘I love you too,’ he whispered in your newly formed kitsune ears, leaving you practically melting at his touch…

Yukinojo - ‘Are you sure this is safe?’ Yukinojo asked doubtfully, regarding Yukigojo with some doubt in his eyes.
‘Absolutely, I would not suggest it otherwise,’ he remarked, bowing his head deeply to the pair of you.
You had never believed it would be possible to be turned into an Ayakashi like Yukinojo and the other clan heads, but here, you were being presented with a chance.
A chance to extend your lifespan beyond that of a humans…to be with Yukinojo forever?
‘I need to speak with the elders about this,’ Yukinojo remarked, still evidently uncertain when you grabbed his sleeve.
‘Yukinojo…if what they are saying is true, then I…I want to do this…’
‘You do not need to be an Ayakashi to have my love,’ Yukinojo remarked softly, stroking your cheek when you shook your head in response.
‘It’s not that…I, I want to be with you forever. I will never let you be hurt again like before and if this can stop you from ever feeling such pain again, then I will do it. No matter what it takes. Being with you is all I want…’
‘You…’ seeing his eyes widen, Yukinojo suddenly pulled you into a swift embrace, his hands shaking slightly as he held you close to his chest.
‘I promise I won’t let anything bad happen to you…I promise you.’
With the prospect of you becoming an Ayakashi getting more real by the minute, Yukinojo took you along to converse with the elders and the other clan heads.
‘An Ayakashi? Really?’ Kyoga remarked in surprise. ‘You think this will work Yuki?’
‘It’s hard to say…but that’s why I want all of you there,’ Yukinojo responded, his voice concerned as you gripped his hand gently.
‘I’m not sure there’s anything we can do to help, but we will support you if that is what you wish,’ Chikage responded, seeing Yukinojo nod in response as he bowed his head in gratitude.
‘Quit it with that, will you? How long have we known each other for? If you need us, we’re gonna be there,’ Shinra grinned, before looking to you with a more serious expression.
‘Are you sure you want to try this?’
‘If it means that I can be with Yukinojo without the short lifespan that comes with being a human, then yes, absolutely…’ you responded with an air of confidence. ‘I trust Yukinojo and I trust his clan. I know that they wouldn’t harm me now…’
‘Never,’ Yukinojo responded, the temperature dropping slightly as he was reminded of the situation you had been faced with almost a year ago now. He would never allow such a thing to happen again.
With everything decided, the preparations were made in order for you to take the drink that would turn you from a human into an Ayakashi the following day. With the other clan heads to be present for it, you were given a traditional outfit of a Yukibito to wear for the ceremony.
As you walked out to see Yukinojo awaiting you in his Ayakashi form, he took your hand and kissed your forehead, a warm smile on his face as he stroked your cheek.
‘You look radiant,’ he uttered, though a trace of concern lingered in his voice.
‘It will be okay…I know it,’ you responded, making his heart ache at the strength you always maintained. That beautiful smile that you had always held for him…you had melted his heart and now, he would protect yours at all costs.
Walking down to the main hall where the Yukibito awaited you, the clan heads stood at the end of the room where a bright blue bottle stood on a stand, a glass beside it as you walked forwards.
Pouring out the contents of the bottle himself, Yukinojo stood before his clan and said a few words.
‘Today we welcome my love into our clan, not just as my bride, but as a Yukibito. May you hold her in your thoughts as we attempt something never before tried amongst any clan.’
With those finishing words, Yukinojo glanced down to you as if to ask if this was really what you wanted, though you responded by putting your hands over his.
Keeping the glass in his hands, you guided them up to your lips as you drank the ice cold liquid, feeling it slip down your throat easily as a cool breath left your lips.
At first, it felt as though your head might spin, though Yukinojo supported you as you regained the strength in your legs. You felt colder, but it was not unpleasantly so. Almost as though it were natural.
‘Yukinojo…’ you breathed.
‘How do you feel?’
‘Wonderful,’ you admitted, seeing a look of relief cross his features, though your elated feelings were soon emphasised in a way other than your smile.
‘Damn it’s cold,’ Miyabi grumbled, the Yukibito looking outside when Yukinojo seemed to realise something.
‘Beautiful…’ he murmured, taking your hand and leading you to the balcony where the sky was enveloped by snowflakes dancing across the sky and settling gently over the mononoke village.
‘Did I do this?’ you asked, surprised when Yukinojo smiled at you warmly.
‘The strength of your love did this,’ he breathed, taking your hand in his as you looked up with a bright smile on your face as the snow surrounded you both, though it bothered neither of you as you reached up and kissed him, feeling his warmth as he enveloped you in his embrace.

Chikage - Chikage wasn’t sure what to make of the news that Koten had brought to him. It was a message passed on by the elders of the mononoke village.
They had discovered that the girl who possessed the special blood could also turn into an Ayakashi, giving her the lifespan and powers of the clan.
While the news had surprised him initially, he hadn’t been sure what to make of it all. It would be wonderful to know that you would be safer…stronger. But would being an Ayakashi make you happy?
After all, you had always been a human. He had never heard of a human being transformed into an Ayakashi before and while it made sense in some ways, he could never force such a thing upon you.
Waiting until you were alone that night, Chikage finally decided to bring up the subject and see your reaction to it.
‘I would become an Ayakashi?’
‘A tengu…yes. You would essentially become one of our clan,’ he remarked. ‘Though this has never been done before.’
‘What do you think of it?’you asked softly.
‘I do not want my opinions to cloud your judgement on this. It is a big decision to make and one that should probably not be taken lightly.’
‘Up until a year ago, I believed I was just a normal human girl and ayakashi’s were myth and legend,’ you responded honestly. ‘I guess this isn’t so far from strange to me now.’
Feeling his hand intwine with yours, you looked up into Chikage’s gaze as he regarded you calmly.
‘I don’t want you to do this because you believe that you have too…’
‘But if I do this…then, we’d be together for so much longer than we would if I remain a human…won’t we?’
‘Do you want that?’ you asked, looking into his eyes. Chikage seemed surprised for your question.
‘What are you saying? Of course I would want that…do you doubt my feelings for you?’
’N-no, that’s not what I-’
Not waiting for you to finish your sentence, Chikage easily pinned you to the floor, his lips trailing along your collarbone and the mark of your agreement.
‘Then I’ll just have to show you…’
Giving in to his sweet kisses, you knew more than anything that you always wanted to be by Chikage’s side.
With your mind made up, you and Chikage set out for the mononoke village with the other clan heads and Koten.
‘So are you going to become a Tengu too?’
‘I guess so,’ you smiled, though Chikage seemed relatively quiet as he gripped your hand.
Was he…worried?
By the time you reached the mononoke village, night had fallen, though the castle was alight as you were all welcomed by the members of the Tengu clan.
‘Everything has been prepared Master Chikage,’ Hikobei remarked, coming out to greet the clan heads as Chikage nodded to him.
Taking your hand, Chikage led you a private room where the other clan heads were able to join you both.
‘Are you sure you want this?’ Chikage asked, producing a small vial as you looked up into his eyes.
‘Yes, I want to be with you…is that so hard to believe?’
‘No…it’s not that…I just want you to know how touched I am that you’d even consider to do this for us. You’ve given so much already…’
‘I know I can do this with you here…’
Giving you the vial, you kept your eyes on Chikage’s as you drank it entirely, a warmth spreading throughout your body as you let out a small gasp.
Leaning forward to catch you, Chikage’s eyes widened at the wings that began to take shape from your shoulder blades. With pure white feathers adorning your back as they took form, you looked up into Chikage’s eyes to let him know you were not in pain.
‘This is unbelievable,’ Shinra remarked in awe. ‘How do you feel?’
‘Okay…it feels a little strange,’ you admitted, reaching to touch the wings and feeling the tenderness of them. They were not as heavy as you would have expected, though Chikage soon led you out into the gardens, where he encouraged you to try and lift yourself from the ground.
‘But I…’
‘I’ll be right here beside you,’ he encouraged watching as you beat your wings, slowly at first, though as the motion became more natural, you allowed it to envelop you, though you did not realise the force with which you were using your new powers until you allowed yourself to land again and found the other clan heads bracing themselves.
‘Such power…’ Miyabi remarked in genuine surprise.
‘Did I do something wrong?’ you asked, though Chikage merely shook his head with a wry smile as he pulled you into his arms.
‘I don’t think anyone can ever underestimate you…I love you…’

Kyoga - As it neared the full moon, things had been somewhat busy at the mononoke village. You had been visiting with Kyoga for the past two weeks and assisting him where you could. Though it was on one of your final days that the elders made a revelation.
‘We have discovered something which we believe could turn her into an ayakashi…’
Looking over the old scripts that the elders presented to him, Kyoga frowned as he read through them.
‘Are you sure about this?’
‘Yes, it would mean that she would no longer be bound by the lifespan of a human…’
Looking to Kyoga in surprise as you entered the room and heard the extent of the conversation, the elders bowed to you as you looked to your Okami.
‘Is it true?’
‘It would seem so…’
Unable to work out Kyoga’s reaction to the news, he waited until you were alone before discussing it.
‘Are there risks?’ you asked.
‘It hasn’t ever been done before. None of our clans have ever tried it. Certainly not in our lifetimes anyway. There appears to be some record of it, but we don’t know who or when it was performed.’
‘But the elders seemed so certain…’
‘With their knowledge, I don’t doubt it would work, but would you want that…to become an Ayakashi?’
‘I know it would make you worry less…I also know that it would mean that we could be together without me ageing like normal humans do…’
‘You would do that for me?’
‘I’d do it for us,’ you responded, taking his hands as he leant his forehead against yours.
‘I fully support you in whatever you want to do…truth be told, the thought of you becoming an Ayakashi makes me happy. You’re right, we wouldn’t be bound by the short lifespan that humans hold, and that makes me happy…’
Nodding to him as you smiled, you requested that Kyoga ask the elders to prepare whatever was necessary and that as long as he was with you, you were certain you could get through anything.
With the following night being the full moon, you had decided to wait until then.
Leading you out onto the balcony beneath the evening light, Kyoga offered you the goblet, though before you could drink it, he gently placed his hand over it.
‘Don’t just do this for my sake,’ he remarked, his voice serious as he looked into your eyes.
‘I’m doing this for us,’ you responded, a kind smile on your face as you reached out to touch his cheek.
‘I love you and I want to be with you for as long as we can be together.’
Smiling warmly at you, Kyoga leant his forehead against yours as he allowed you to drink.
Once you had drained the goblet of it’s contents, you had felt weakened initially, dropping to your knees as Kyoga held you up, asking you if you were alright, though he soon stopped in his tracks.
‘I don’t believe it.’
Reaching out to you, Kyoga’s hands suddenly traced along your hairline, though you became contented by the motion Kyoga was making when you realised that it was something protruding from your head.
Reaching up and feeling the soft wolf ears that had appeared, you quickly realised that you had also gained a tail as you looked up at Kyoga who watched you with a curious expression.
‘How do you feel?’
‘Good…I’m okay,’ you admitted, feeling somewhat relieved as Kyoga helped you to stand.
‘Thank you…’ you muttered, though as Kyoga looked over you, he couldn’t believe just how beautiful you looked under the full moons light.
Though before you could say any more, an ayakashi caught your eye as you glanced over and saw the menacing figure that headed towards you.
Before Kyoga could react you felt an impulse and took your chance as your own clawed gauntlet took it’s place on your right hand and you hurled fire across the meadow towards the rogue ayakashi, sending it up in flames within an instant.
‘Whoa…you’re gonna show me up at this rate,’ Kyoga remarked in disbelief as you stared at your hand, shocked at what you had just done.
‘It’s okay, you’ll learn to control it better as you get used to your new abilities,’ Kyoga assured you, stroking your cheek as he became aware of the alluring scent. Unable to resist you any longer, Kyoga brought your lips against his in a passionate kiss.
‘I love you…I love you so much…’ he breathed, his voice husky as he carried you back into your room for a passionate night beneath the full moon.

Shinra - When Shinra discovered that you could become an Ayakashi, he wasn’t sure how to take the news. He had known you since you were little and in the short time that he had spent away from the human world, you had grown into a beautiful young woman.
But more than that, you were his love. His everything.
Yet now, there was a chance that you could have an Ayakashi’s lifespan…the powers and abilities…everything that came with it.
The knowledge was all a bit much for the Oni, who wasn’t sure how to proceed with this new information, though you knew that something was wrong.
‘Shinra?’ you remarked softly, joining him on the deck one evening as he sat looking out at the stars. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘You’ve been pretty quiet since dinner…has something happened?’
Not wanting to worry you, Shinra felt it was best to be honest and began to explain the situation. At first you were surprised. You never thought such a thing could be possible and it was clear Shinra didn’t either, though the thought of living such a long life with him made your heart well up with happiness.
‘Are you worried about me?’
‘Yes…A part of me thought I would never find you again and I did. I don’t want to lose you…if something goes wrong, I could never forgive myself…’
‘Have you talked with the others?’
‘Yes, they all seem quite confident in the elders discovery…’
‘Then what is it?’
‘I don’t want you to have to do this…I wish it was me that could do it for you…’
‘Shinra, you have protected me since the day we met. I want to do this…if it means we can be together, then I want to try.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes…’ you nodded, gripping his hand in yours as you looked into his eyes with a warm smile. Leaning your forehead against his, you felt Shinra’s hand gently run through your hair as he brushed his lips against yours.
‘I can only do this if you are with me,’ you admitted.
‘I would never let you go through such a thing alone,’ Shinra reassured you, your smile giving him a little faith as you both came to the decision to try the elders suggestion.
Travelling to the mononoke village with the other clan heads the following week, Miyabi had been doing less to insult Shinra, though you couldn’t help but wonder if it was because he knew that Shinra was already worrying.
Gripping his hand in yours, you saw him offer you a small smile as he continued to keep you close as you headed for the mononoke village.
‘If any bad ayakashi get word of this, they may attack while she is still vulnerable,’ Yukinojo remarked, ‘we must keep on our guard.’
‘We’d best get to the castle quickly then,’ Kyoga added in, agreeing with Yukinojo as the group set off towards the palace.
Once inside, Shinra had held you close, vowing to keep you safe as the elders presented you with a drink that would turn you into an Oni.
Gripping Shinra’s hand with one of yours, you braced yourself before drinking the contents of it, feeling Shinra’s arms supporting you as you dropped the cup and slumped onto the floor.
‘H-hey! Are you okay?!’ Shinra half yelled, when a fire ball flung through the room and hit the wall nearby you and Shinra.
Looking up to see a group of ayakashi that you didn’t recognise, the clan heads quickly changed to their ayakashi forms and prepared themselves for a fight, though as Shinra shielded you from their attacks, you felt an overwhelming fear for them. You wanted to protect them…you had to do something, anything.
That was when you felt it. An overwhelming power surging through your veins as the sound of thunder roared, shaking the building as your eyes lit up and you felt your strength coming back to you and got to your feet.
‘Shinra! Are you doing this?’
‘No…’ he breathed, looking on in awe as you commanded such incredible power, assisting the clan heads when, as you brought your attack to an end, you dropped to your knees, feeling the drain of using such power.
‘I’ve got you,’ Shinra remarked, enveloping you in his arms as you looked up at him wearily. ‘Did I help?’
‘More than you know,’ he returned softly, picking you up in his arms and carrying you into the room you both used in the castle when you stayed in the mononoke village.
Allowing you to rest, when you had finally come around, your first question was whether it had all been successful.
‘Yeah, that storm you brewed up was really something,’ Shinra admitted, ‘but forget about that, how do you feel?’
‘I’m okay,’ you responded, ‘I’m glad that you’re here…’
‘Of course,’ Shinra responded, kissing you gently as he breathed a sigh of relief. You were really okay.
‘I love you Shinra,’ you uttered, feeling him wrap you up in his embrace as he trailed kisses all over your delicate skin.
‘I love you too,’ he responded, ‘always…’

Third request posted today! Pretty good going for me :) I was going to try and get another one written and posted but it’s getting on for 2:30am and I really need some sleep. 

Thank you so much for requesting! I will hopefully be posting something new tomorrow as well when I have more energy to write again!

Much love! 




anonymous asked:

I just scrolled through ur blog and why do u want to hurt girls? :S

you must have dug real deep lol and I am not a meanie or anything, ever heard of consent? I’m not a brute ffs, why would someone ever inflict pain on their partner if that partner can’t get pleasure out of it? Consent is key and if consent is there then I think two people are allowed to do whatever they want as long as they don’t break any law and their actions don’t have a bad impact on someone else :)

Twin souls:  synchronicity over time

I noticed something about the evolution of my own experience with the twin soul thing, and I just thought I’d share it here.  I can remember where I was with it years ago, and it’s quite different in some ways from where I am now.  The gratitude and love are still deep and true and enduring, and so are many of the other beautiful blessings of the experience –  but the pain is not what it was.

Specifically, I remember that even the synchronicities used to hurt me.  I couldn’t understand why the universe was so obsessively, exaggeratedly, and unrelentingly highlighting this particular guy.  Particularly when he wasn’t even in my life and didn’t even want anything to do with me.  I had many reactions to those early synchronicities:

  • confusion (What is happening?  Who is doing this?  How is this possible?  What does it mean?)
  • peace (ahh, divine love)
  • surrender (ahh, divine love)
  • excitement (Wow, really?!  Heaven is reading my mind!)
  • wonder (Wow…)

But also frustration and pain.  Frustration because, why couldn’t I forget him?  Why wasn’t I being allowed?  And pain because being reminded of everything I didn’t have (nor did I see ANY way that I ever might live such blessings) was something that hurt a lot.

I think I described the synchronicities to this end before as feeling like an invisible somebody were rubbing salt in an invisible wound.  That is, the wound of having such a deep love go unrequited – and then constantly and everywhere being reminded of said person.

So I pleaded with the universe to stop it with the synchronicities.  I begged.  I prayed.  I even wrote these prayers down sometimes, I am pretty sure.  I was desperate to get it to stop.  And, actually, every time I really resolved to set the intention that these synchronicities stop coming, a really unbelievable and pointed one would arise and blow my mind shortly thereafter.

Finally, one night, I just gave up.  That is, I gave up resisting the synchronicities. They were going to come, and that was that.

And that’s not to say that it didn’t hurt for a while after that.  After I surrendered.  Because, remember, the circumstances I was aching over were still going on.

But I see a transformation within myself over the years, in terms of my reaction to these synchronicities.  Lately, for some reason, they’re happening more than usual.  They’ve never totally stopped, though they certainly slowed down in frequency at some points (mostly, these were points when I was really preoccupied with stressful or otherwise really demanding stuff – spirit does this; it gives us space to work through our business with minimal distraction when we’re engaged in something really important to our growth and mission).  I noticed though that I grew less and less amazed by most synchronicities and even stopped feeling any sort of “pang” in the face of most of them; so much time had passed that I no longer interpreted them as suggesting a sense of urgency.  In fact, I tuned a lot of them out over time; I noticed them, but I didn’t even dare to make the leap and label some of them as “meaningful” sometimes because I was just that desensitized, in a way, and also that engaged in working on myself and building my own life.

But the pain was the biggest change.  The pain subsided.  And when the pain subsided, and the fears were chiseled away more and more, what I was left with was just the love.  Where it used to hurt me, in years past, to see synchronicities pointing in the direction of my twin soul, I now realize that I see these little messages from the universe rather differently:  I recognize his energy, or the suggestion of his energy, and I am reminded of a beautiful gift, a truth, a guiding light, and a love.  I see the synchronicities now, and I smile.  I do still tune out many of them, but when there’s a “big” one (i.e., a particularly unlikely or elaborate one), I do register the little note from the universe, I feel the love and the peace that my heart associates with him, and I give gratitude for that.

Imagine that:  the synchronicities stop hurting, and you feel only gratitude and love and warmth and reassurance when they happen instead.  Like a warm, cosmic hug.

My best friend long ago suggested that synchronicities of a twin soul were maybe even something like love notes delivered in spirit.

Who’s to say?…

But it gets better.

playing pulsar: lost colony

-First game, found a button that could only be unlocked by the captain. Got the captain to unlock it, immediately pressed it.  Jumped randomly into the middle of nowhere.  Everything caught fire.  This is a good game.

-We went looking for a missing research team and found a nest full of giant space ants.  I got to fight a nest full of giant space ants.

-S: Don’t use that, it destroys whatever you’re holding. C: So you’re saying I should NOT select the atomize “hands" option?

-T, as acting captain, found the option to alert all crew members to “Abandon Ship” and sent this message every 10 seconds throughout the game.

-S chose to demonstrate how to use the gun and fire extinguisher tools by SETTING THE LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEM ON FIRE and then putting it out again. 

-DV, as researcher, atomized (destroyed) everything that passed into his keeping.  For science.

-Were sent on a mission to save a ship from pirates, forgot to turn on our identifier, wound up in a fight with the ally ship instead.

-C: What happens if I spend all the ship’s money? D: Actually, as Captain I get to assign you an allowance. 

-D: DV, I’m putting the samples in your locker. C: How come nobody ever puts anything in MY locker? DV: Just as a heads up, anything that goes in my locker is probably going to get atomized. 

-R: Do I need an exosuit for this planet? S: Depends how you feel about breathing acid.

-DV:  Why is C a mustachioed cyborg spaniard? C: This is the default face I was assigned and it is wonderful and I am never changing it.

-S, our weapons specialist, KEPT SHOOTING EVERYTHING.  We had actual conversations b/w captain, pilot, and engineer about how fast we could get out of star systems so that S wouldn’t start (another) intergalactic incident.

-C: Guys, I’m lost. Again.  D: Are you still planetside? C: No, I’m on our ship, I just don’t know where I am.

-R: Look out! Radiation.  C: You literally just mountain climbed for 5 minutes to get out of the atmosphere and find that radiation.

-C, as pilot: Look, I have ONE JOB and that is POINTING THIS SHIP AT THINGS.

-S: Guys, come back! There’s a giant bird nest full of wasps! D: Do you mean a wasp nest?

-Took over another ship, then left and took back our own ship.  Unfortunately this flagged our ship as stolen, since it was an “owned” ship. (We were the owners.)  Everybody in the universe accused of us of being pirates and hated us b/c we were flying a ship that already had owners. (again, us.)

-Responded to a distress beacon of a ship under attack by another faction.  The ship AND ITS ATTACKER decided we were pirates (see above) and teamed up to attack us instead.

-DV: I died.  Apparently if you wander too far into the desert on this planet a dust storm springs up.  And then spikes come out of the ground and kill you. C: I was not expecting that last part.

-C: How do I go through the door? S: OH MY GOD SPIDERS EVERYWHERE. C: Never mind, I’ll wait out here.

-Found four graves and a lonely robot that was the sole survivor of its downed ship. :(

-C: Wait, “engine sludge” is a food? DV: Do NOT drink that.

-Boarded enemy ships during combat, repeatedly turned off all their power switches just to fuck with them.


-R: Killed 3 more rats! C: Okay, I still haven’t seen a single one of these giant space rats you are talking about.  I think you’re just making them up.  D: If this were a horror movie, this is when you get eaten by giant rats.

-C: Wait, why are we atomizing the research logs? DV: That’s the only kind of science I know how to do.

-Single-handedly took down an elite robot because I was too panicked to run away, and apparently when it was right on top of me its arms were too long to actually shoot me.

-C: Oh my god, guys, we have color-coded towels!

One Sided Feud (C.D//N.G)

|based on the request: Can you make a cam imagine where nash doesn’t like you but your dating cam?|

|•1.2k words, I don’t really know how to title this so it’s going to be Cam/Nash, MASTERLIST IS IN MY DESCRIPTION SWEET•|

It’s just another normal day of chilling around at my boyfriends, Cameron, house. We decided that we’re going to go out to the movie theatre instead of watching the same old movies on Netflix tonight. I thought it would be kind to ask Nash to join us so he isn’t left home alone, so that’s exactly what Cam went to do.

Cam follows Nash as he came down the stairs, leaving me sitting on the couch to listen in. I would have gone in with him but Nash isn’t too keen on me, and nobody seems to know why.

“Hey Nash, you wanna come to the movies with us?” Cam asks in his incredibly happy voice.

It takes Nash a few moments to reply, “Is Y/N going?”

“Of course she is, she’s my girlfriend, I’m not going to just leave her here alone. Why wouldn’t she?”

“It was just a question, jeez.” He didn’t need to sound so repelled by what Cam had said, it’s quite off putting.

“Okay, uh, are you coming or not?”

“I’ll pass.” I raise my eyebrows in shock and confusion. I don’t understand why he doesn’t like me! I’ve been nothing but nice to Nash since the moment I met him and he’s just always hated me.

It goes quiet for a few seconds before I hear Cameron sigh and ask, “Why don’t you like Y/N, Nash?”

“She’s just really annoying, dude. That damn high pitched voice that fucks me off so bad and it’s so obviously fake, and she’s such a tag alone.” He tries to say quietly in front of his best friend but he knows that I can hear every word, so he’s speaking loud enough so that I can hear him. “I don’t get why nobody else sees that.”

My voice is not fake. I have a pitch condition where I can’t control the pitch of my voice, my grandma had it and so did her grandma. It’s genetic! And I’m a tag along? I don’t think so.

When I first met Cam, he was with Nash and a few other of his friends, Cam and I hit it off straight away and my friends organised a plan to get me and him alone and Nash was in on it… He just didn’t want to go through with it.

He followed Cam and I around all day and then complained about being the third wheel.

Yes, I really am such a tag along, I can’t stop following around Nash and Cam on their little dates because I can’t find someone to hang with for a few hours.

“That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about so I’d watch what you’re saying.” Cam says sternly, I can imagine his face evening out and his lips straightening up with his hard eyes to stare at his so called best friend.

“You wanted to know and I told you straight up.” His voice raises a pitch and I can tell that he’s putting off telling the real truth.

“You’re such an ass to her, dude, she’s the one who told me to invite you because she didn’t want you to feel left out.”

“Oh, I certainly am not left out on your relationship, she’s all you ever fucking talk about!”

Is it suddenly illegal for boyfriends to talk nicely about their girlfriends when they’re not with them? Why didn’t I hear about this new change in legal system?

Cams voice dulls down into a soft and mellow, very calm, state, “What did Y/N ever do to you?”

“Apart from the fact that she’s a two faced bitch and she stole all of my friends away from me?”

I can’t sit here any longer and allow him to chat shit about me for no God damn reason!

“How am I two faced?” I ask as I slowly walk into the kitchen, folding my arms together over my chest. “I’ve never done anything to bad to you?”

“This is nothing to do with you, Y/N, leave.” Nash rolls his heavy eyes as soon as he sees me.

My eyebrows raise in shock of what he had said - is he stupid? “Excuse me, Nash? You’re just stood here insulting me for no given reason!”

“I have my reasons.” He shrugs his shoulders and crosses his arms, leaning against the counter behind him.

“List them.” Cam says, loosely draping an arm around my shoulder.

He rolls his bright blue eyes and shakes his head. “You can’t force me to.”

Before Cameron can start full-force arguing with Nash, I but into the conversation in hopes that no fists are going to be thrown.

“Nash, I don’t know what I did to upset you so much to the point where you’re being a dick to your best friend, but I’m sorry for whatever it was.”

In my opinion, I haven’t done anything wrong and I’m sure that a lot of other people will agree with me. I have never said a bad word about Nash… Until now.

He’s being a real asshole and I’m ready to drop kick his ass.

Nash doesn’t reply, he doesn’t even make a noise. He just stares around the room in attempt to avoid both of the long, expecting stares he’s receiving. I raise my eyebrows as he stares at the ceiling light and purses his lips.

Seriously, he is such a fucking asshole. I did nothing wrong and I still apologised for his mental incapability to like me and he refuses to accept it.

“Can you accept her apology, Nash?”

He snorts a little laugh yet he still refuses to make any kind of verbal contact with either of us to redeem himself.

“I’ve never said a bad word about you until now: you are an asshole, Nash.”

Nash still refuses to speak and looks up at Cam, expecting him to turn around to me and tell me not to speak of such atrocities, but when I look at Cam, all I can see is his agitated eyes and his crimson cheeks.

“I have to agree with Y/N, you’re being such a dick right now.”

Nash pulls his face back in a confused matter. “So you’re going to ditch your best friend for a girl? What happened to bros before hoes, dude?”

“First of all, don’t call Y/N a hoe because I will punch you, second of all, that went out the window the second you started being so damn rude about my girlfriend.”

Cameron’s voice raises into a slight shout as he glares across at his friend. I quickly wrap my arm around him in attempt to calm him down, we really don’t need a fight today. Or any day.

“Have fun on your date guys, thanks for considering me but,” His eyes rake down my body and his eyes hood in disgust. “No thanks.”

I shake my head in complete and utter disbelief as he stalks out of the room, clenching a bottle of water in his fist. Cams arm tightens around my shoulders and he sighs as loud as he possibly can.

I purse my lips before following his sigh with my own. “There’s no point in trying to fix anything, let’s just leave it and go to the movies.”

“Get your coat, babe.”

Adding all 3 of these in the same fic. I just changed up the POV of #11 a bit. Get ready for ANGST:

9. things you said when i was crying
11. things you said when you were drunk
12. things you said when you thought i was asleep

Ludwig knew that something was wrong the moment he walked in the door that evening after work. He had pulled a few extra hours in the office to finish something or another that he could barely remember.

The first thing that struck him was that the lights in the living room were off, but the television was on. Not a huge deal, that happened all the time whenever Gilbert decided to settle into a late-night film. However, the television was turned to a channel made of static, which was quite uncanny. After looking around to make sure that this wasn’t a potential scene from The Ring come to life, he saw that Gilbert was indeed still alive, just asleep on the couch. He was surrounded by at least five or six glass beer bottles, and one was in pieces on the ground.

Ludwig sighed heavily as he kept his shoes on to avoid getting cut on broken glass, and moved to turn on a lamp, turn off the television, and begin cleaning up.

“Why do you have to be so messy and careless?” he muttered to the sleeping figure as he picked up the glass bottles carefully. He knew that Gilbert couldn’t hear him, but he still felt like he had to chastise at least his sleeping form while he picked up after him.

“I swear, as the years go by, you take less and less care of yourself.” Ludwig picked up the whole bottles and left the room to toss them in the recycling bin, and soon returned with a broom and dustpan in hand to clean up the shards of glass.

However, someone was already waiting for him.

Standing in the middle of the dangerous mess was Gilbert. He was awake, apparently, and in the new light Ludwig could see his tear-stained cheeks that he hadn’t noticed before.

Keep reading

Christmas with Sirius/Remus James/Lily & Teddy and Harry

“So how do I look,” Sirius asked Remus walking into the living room in his Santa suit.

           Remus looked up from his phone. “Wow Pads. You make a hot looking old man.”

           Sirius grinned and kissed Remus. “Thanks. I can’t believe I let you and James talk me into this just so we could please our kids.”

           “It’s no big deal. It’s just for a few hours. You know you don’t have to do this if you really don’t want to.”

           “I do want to. I can’t wait to see the look on Teddy’s and Harry’s face when they see me.”

           “You’re definitely the hottest Santa of them all,” Remus said pulling him closer to him.

           Sirius grinned and kissed him all over. “Hmm. I love you so much. I would love for you to get me out of this suit, but it took me too long to get on and they’re supposed to be over here soon.”

           Remus pouted. “Fine.”

           Sirius smiled and kissed him. “You can get me out of this later. Once the Potters are gone and Teddy is in bed.”

           Remus smiled. “Ok. Good.”

           “Hey. I just realized you’re not wearing your costume! Where is it,” Sirius asked suddenly looking at the plain but Christmasy outfit Remus was wearing.

           Remus mumbled something under his breath.

           “Moonyyyyy. You have to wear it. You have to be an elf! You have to be my helper. Come on. Teddy will love it. I will love it. Pleaseeeeeeee. I’ll make it worth your while.” Sirius started teasing Remus who caved.

           “Fine. You win like always. Give me the bloody costume.”

           Sirius gave him a kiss before helping Remus get dressed which ended up in prolonging Remus get dressed cuz Sirius enjoyed kissing his naked body. “You are adorable,” Sirius told Remus as he scowled in the mirror at his appearance.

           “No one wants to talk to a scarred elf. Elves are supposed to be cute and approachable.”

           “You are cute and approachable. We’re not going to the mall or anything. This is just for our family. Though I am going to take a lot of pictures to remember this night by.”

           “I don’t know why because I’ll just tear them up,” Remus muttered.

           “No you will not Moony. You’re beautiful. I don’t know why you’re so annoyed with how you look or having to do this.”

           “I don’t know. I am happy I guess especially for Teddy.”

           Sirius kissed him. “Look, we’re giving him all of the things we didn’t get for our Christmas’s. Do you think that might be it? You are being reminded of all the bad times in the past?”

           “It doesn’t matter Pads. Besides my Christmas’s weren’t nearly as bad as yours were.”

           “We’ve both had bad ones it doesn’t matter which one had it worse. We both had it bad but thankfully found each other and decided to give Teddy the best Christmas ever every year. If you really don’t want to do this then that’s alright.”

           Remus looked down and smiled. “I love you Pads and I am doing this. I just don’t see why I couldn’t have gotten the other costume.”

           “You look hot in anything.” There was a knock on the door. “Before you get the door Moony, I want to take a quick picture of just the two of us before the craziness.”

           Remus smiled and allowed Sirius to take a picture of the two of them. “I love you Padfoot.”

           “Ah, tonight I am Santa.”

           “Satan is more like it,” Remus jokingly muttered under his breath.

           Sirius playfully punched his husbands arm. “I’ll get you back for that later.”

           Remus laughed and opened the door to greet James, Lily, Harry and Teddy.

           “It’s a shame that Neville is sick and Alice and Frank couldn’t come tonight,” Lily told the guys greeting Remus with a hug.

           “I know. But maybe next Christmas we can do this again or something like it,” Sirius said grinning at Remus.

           “SANTA,” Teddy and Harry said running at Sirius. Both of them were too young to know that it was Sirius even though they knew who Sirius was especially since Sirius was using a different voice.

           Remus took the camera and took pictures of Sirius aka Santa with the kids. Lily smiled.

           “You’re an adorable elf.”

           “Shut up,” Remus told her blushing. James snickered. “Oh you can shut up too Mr. Reindeer. I’m actually surprised you didn’t enter here as a deer.”

           “Don’t think I didn’t think about it. But I decided to be helpful with the kids.”

           Lily smiled and hugged her husband. “We actually have some news we’d like to share with the both of you.”

           “Another prongslet is going to be born,” James blurted out.


           “Congrats Prongs and Lily,” remus told them happily.

           “And it’s a girl,” Lily said squealing with excitement.


           Sirius was too busy playing with the children to pay attention to his best friend and his wife.  Lily took pictures while James and Remus watched and talked.

           “Teddy, what do you want for Christmas,” Sirius asked his son as he put him on his lap.

           The two year old grinned. “I don’t need anything. I’ve already got everything I need.”

           Remus smiled as he watched his family interacting. Lily asked James to go get her a drink and while he did that she spoke to Remus. “You ok Rem?”

           “Yeah. I’m just really happy. I know i made a big deal about being in this silly costume but the kids love it and I secretly love it. I never thought I would feel this happy. I just love Sirius and Teddy and I have so much more than I ever thought I would.”

           Lily hugged him. “You know you deserve all of this and the feeling is mutual.”

           “I do. Sometimes I can’t believe it but I know that the feeling is mutual. I just always used to dread this time of the year before Hogwarts and even some during Hogwarts especially if Christmas fell around the full moon or worse on it. I love this. I still cant believe that we have a son. Sirius and I are parents. Its so surreal.”

           “I can imagine. You guys are great parents. Sure, I never imagined Sirius as the parenting type with how he acted in school but you changed him for the better.”

           “Oh you have no idea how bad Sirius still can be,” Remus said grinning.

           “I don’t need the details of your guys’ sex life.”

           Remus laughed. “Not necessarily that…Ok, maybe that but I enjoy it but we’ll always all be marauders at heart. I have a feeling Teddy is going to take a lot after Sirius once he gets to Hogwarts.”

           “Oh I’m sure that he’ll take after you as well. I can’t deny that I’ve had the same thoughts about Harry. He’s too much like his father for his own good.”

           Remus laughed. “If they’re anything like us then we’re sure to have our hands full.”

           “Do you think McGonagal and Slughorn would retire if they got to Hogwarts and had to teach them? I mean they both along with some others suffered with you, James, and Sirius for 7 years. And Peter.”

           Remus’s face changed instantly at the mention of Peter. “Let’s not speak of the rat.”

           “I’m sorry. I almost forgot for a second,” Lily told him softly giving him a hug.

           “It’s alright Lils. I am just lucky for you all in my life right now.”

           “Good. We love you Remus.”

           After a while, the kids started to get wore out and the two couples put them to bed. Remus and Sirius had volunteered to babysit Harry for the night.

           “By the way congrats on your new baby,” Sirius said leaning against Remus.


           The four of them talked for a while. Eventually James and Lily decided to go back home.

           “Finally,” Sirius said pushing Remus on the couch. “You and I are alone together.”

           “But not completely alone. You and I need to take this to the bedroom before the kids see,” Remus said as Sirius began kissing his neck.

           “They’re asleep. We’ll be fine.”

           The two of them began kissing. Sirius wouldn’t let Remus take off his clothes. “No Moony. Have patience.”

           Remus groaned as Sirius took off his shirt slowly and rubbed his chest before kissing it all over.

           Neither one of them heard tiny footsteps coming towards them but they did hear the scream.


           “No honey, its me alright,” Sirius told him taking off his beard and hat. “It’s your dad.”

           Teddy’s eyes widened. “SANTA ISNT REAL?” he ran back into his room crying.

           “I told you we should have taken this to the room. Now you can go have that conversation with him,” Remus told Sirius giving him a kiss. “And the sooner you get it over with the better. I’ll be waiting for you in our bedroom.”

           Sirius sighed and went to talk to his son.



Im trying so hard to have fun, make days count, beat situational depression, everything in every small way that I can but no one ever wants to do anything. I know we are all busy, tired, or depressed but… really? I hate this town because all I can do by myself is go sit by the lake and think. No one wants to hang out, no one wants to decorate or bake, no roadtrips for fun, no movies, no one wants to swim or go camping, I barely get texts as is. What am I meant to do? Im am thisssss close to packing up and running away to LA or prescott where i’ll either manage to find a low rent place or be homeless for a bit while I try to get a place where I can start fresh and be able to be more social. Im mentally dying here and im about to snap. I only get one life and im wasting it here. As for Halloween, Ill figure something out but I may have to go on a roadtrip to a different livelier town. At least its something