why am i allowed on the internet

Ive been really unhappy lately and I was thinking about why. What are the things that trigger me? Why am I always stressed put and butt hurt? Where have all of my skills gone?

Suddenly, I remembered the serenity I felt when I left the hospital both times. I wanted to feel like that always. Why did I feel so great leaving the hospital? Well, first off Inwas LEAVING THE FUCKING HOSPITAL FULL OF CRAZIES, but secondly I think it was because it was a completely stress free environment. I even ate. First one meal a day, then two, then over time, three.

We werent allowed access to the internet, no cell phones, no access to the outside world with the exception of these pay phones they had where you could only talk for 10 minutes at a time and you had to fight all of the other people who needed them too. I couldnt smoke cigarettes. There was no caffiene. I wasnt allowed to even draw with a pencil. We were only allowed markers and crayons. There were no children, there was no work, no commutes, no parents. I saw Jared twice a day some days but only for two hours at a time.

When you go a week or more without all that, youre free of everything. All I could do was put together puzzles, color in the books Jared brought me, read, and go to groups, and meet with doctors.

When I came out I always felt so serene. The smell of fresh air, freedom. I remembered telling Jared that I always wanted to feel this way. No more cigarettes, Im not going to spend any significant time on Tumblr, etc etc. Everything that stresses me out, Im eliminating from my life. This was all before I had began the therapy Im in now.

Then life starts again. Work, kids, now therapy, commuting, my mother, Jared, money… the smoking started again, I stopped eating again, took more Sudafed to stay awake… basically, me now. So, maybe what I need to do is disconnect for a while. Do analog projects, decrease my Tumblr usage, etc. Smoking, coffee, and Sudafed I cant stop because I need to function, but I can cut all of the other unnecessaries, or at least not engage as much.

I dont know, just something I was thinking about over a cigarette and coffee.

Title: 24 hours are not enough

Rating: K

Notes: So I saw someone saying something about Skype in the Naruto world and since laptops exist, this came to my mind. This is not a fanfic per se, more like a chat. Warning for crack and OCC. Because I am one of those people who find their own sense of humor funny. Made for fun! :3 (FF.net [x])





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