why all the hashtags


everyone on this wonderful day called zen’s birthday. take sometime out of your day and love yourself. 

that’s the best birthday present you could give to zen because he loves himself and all he wants is for you to love yourself as well…

if you think about that… that is beautiful :’( 

An explanation of the fandoms by my idiot self
  • Yuri on Ice: We love all your memes, we love all the ships, we love kubo, we love season 2 already, screaming it's canon, can you hear our heart beat?!, crying it's canon, we love everything because we are precious cinnamon roll people.
  • Killing Stalking: Your memes are hit or miss with us, we are just innocent beacons of sin, why Sangwoo?, we're all Yoonbums here, yes daddy?, we either hate your ship or love it, strumming my pain with his fingers, I've never listened that song till now, we have no grey areas, there's no way this will end how any of us wants it to, we're kinda emo but also pretty sweet.
  • Mystic Messenger: We're so edgy, who needs friends?, oh daddy is textin, I love everyone but also I don't, invite us out so we can decline, we need more memes guys, I secretly enjoy Killing Stalking but don't tell the Yuri on Ice fandom.
  • Haikyu!: we are the moms and dads of all fandoms, we are the true beginning, what's free?, fuck swimming we hit balls here, sunshine children and angsty parents, our show is just 1 big meme, classic cinnamon roll, we will accept any ship just please make it canon, we have some beautiful fanfics, season 4?
2017 is the year of the hustle

Its time to get that education, make more money, budget and SAVE THAT MONEY, and most importantly look good while doing it

Why I Have To Meet Jack

You guys may well think I’m silly for writing this post, but I’m going to anyway. I have thoughts and I need to get them out. I’m a firm believer in writing down your emotions rather than bottling them up. 

Anyway. If you’re tired of my complaining about not meeting Jack, then I won’t blame you for scrolling away from this right away. Feel free, or you can carry on reading. But not only am I saying the obstacles that are in my way, I’m also writing exactly why meeting Jack matters so much to me. I’ve broken it down so hopefully it’s easier for you guys to read.

I know I’ve posted about this a billion times before, but I feel the need to do it again. I kind of stop thinking about it, and then something reminds me again. I see gifs from PAX, I read about people meeting him. I’m happy for everyone who does, but I’m reminded that it hasn’t happened to me and maybe never will. I feel selfish for thinking this, but I can’t help it.

Just wait, it will happen, I hear you say. But that’s easier said than done, for a number of reasons. If it was just as simple as being too young to go on my own or whatever, then yes, it would only be a matter of time. But it’s not.

First of all, I can’t afford to go to conventions (particularly so if they are in another country, and I’m yet to find one in the UK that Jack goes to). I currently don’t earn, and even when I do it won’t be much - musicians often don’t earn much at first, and I’m not making anything from YouTube “yet” (I hope I will but it may never take off for all I know. I can’t rely on it).

Then there’s my current mental state. Going to a convention would be difficult thanks to my wonderful social anxiety. Just the thought of the crowds, the people around me while travelling… And I imagine that travelling, and the convention itself, would take a lot of energy - possibly too much for my depression to handle. Maybe I could push through it to meet Jack, but I don’t know; would it be worth risking putting myself under too much pressure?

And that’s not all. Oh yes, there’s more. Getting to another country is difficult for me for another reason. I can’t do it by myself. Yes, I’m 21 years old and I don’t know how to go through an airport by myself. I feel stupid. Not just because I’ve never learnt how, but also I struggle with things like that. I always have. I’m particularly brilliant at getting lost. My anxiety loves it, not.

And there’s more. Since I’ve started watching Jack, I’ve been at university/college so I haven’t had the time to go away to conventions. Once I leave here in a couple of months time (*panics*), I will be focusing a lot on YouTube, and probably having to find a job (yawn). And until I find one and have money, I can’t go even if I have the time.

This may well sound like I’m making excuses, but honestly… I’m really not. I wouldn’t. This is something I need to do in my lifetime, it’s a dream of mine. Jack is my hero. I have no reason to make any excuses. These are all genuine barriers to one of my life goals. Obstacles that feel insurmountable. And it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart to think that I may never meet the person who began to turn my life around. It breaks my heart to think that I may never get to thank him in person for what he’s done. It breaks my heart to think that I may never be able to hug him. He feels like a long distance friend - or even family, if I can say that. Jack means the world to me. More than he’ll ever know - but if I meet him, I can get closer to expressing it than I can from here.

I have thoughts about what I would do if I did meet Jack. I already know that I will make a folder or something of stuff I’ve made for him (fanart, poems, etc) and I’ll give it to him. And, of course, I’ll give him the biggest hugs he’s ever had. I’ll do my best to let him know what he means to me. I’ll tell him about how he’s inspired me and that my YouTube channel is beginning to grow thanks to him giving me the courage to make more videos. I was anxious to go on camera, but he made me brave, and now I love it immensely and want to do it for as long as possible.

Jack is not just a YouTuber to me. He’s been a counsellor when I’ve needed advice and someone to care. Jack has been a friend when I’ve felt alone, believing in me even when I didn’t anymore. He’s been a beautiful green light in the pitch black void of depression and anxiety, the hope I needed when mine was all gone. 

He’s been like an annoying older brother who makes stupid jokes to make you laugh - which means even more to me as one of my older brothers, who made me laugh a lot, is no longer with us. He’s been someone to watch playing games now that I can’t watch my brother play them anymore.

He’s been a lullaby when I couldn’t sleep, cradling me with kindness and wrapping me up in smiles and laughter. He’s been a soothing voice amongst the painful noise of life. He’s held my hand when I’ve been hurting, wiping away the tears from my eyes. He’s started to heal the cracks in my heart and mind. When I was starting to lose sight of anything good in life, having less and less reasons to smile, he showed me that things weren’t so bad after all. He taught me to genuinely smile again.

And Jack is the reason why I found this wonderful community, and have made amazing friends who have made me feel cared about. You guys have made me feel less lonely despite the isolation of social anxiety and depression. Without Jack, I probably wouldn’t know any of you exist.

Jack is my hero.

I need to meet him some day.

I have to.

“You should work for this big studio company that you admire!”

“You should totally send your portfolio out! You never know who’s going to see it!”

“Why aren’t you doing all these things? Don’t you want to be hired?”

Hashtag relatable artist problems because boy howdy thanksgiving conversations with people who expect more from you are always Fun™ .

What the “Keens” have done to disenfranchise fans from Liz

This is not meant to be a diatribe of “why I hate Keen2” because I do not have any ill will toward any shippers. It is meant to outline what is FUNDAMENTALLY wrong with keeping Liz and Tom together as a romantic pairing for the duration—if you listen to John Eisendrath—of the series. The problem lies in the treatment of such delicate subject matter as Liz and “Tom” Keen’s relationship, what it says to the viewership, and what it means for the characterization of both of them symbolically and thematically.

What we were given in the beginning of the series was a worrisome puzzle more than anything. Was the mild-mannered school teacher what he seemed? It is a HUGE testament to Ryan Eggold that he could play the sensitive and solicitous husband and go straight from that to a stone-cold killer practically in the blink of an eye. But symbolically there was an irretrievable rift at that moment that was never properly seamed back together, nor should it have been. We are shown at first that there is something literally under the very foundations of their fantasy home, and it is fraudulent. There is no coincidence that Tom’s go box was under the floorboards. There is also no coincidence that when he was finally outed, they literally tore apart their home and each other, and thus the fantasy bubble they had been living in. Everything was a farce, a cover, and it was torn to shreds. Nothing had been real, and nothing was left at the end.

When Tom is finally unmasked, and we see the truth of him at last, he is unapologetic. Everything of the school teacher was a veneer, and what’s worse is that he showed true signs of sociopathy—he did not tell a story of how he met and fell in love with his mark. He did not show an ounce of humanity and say that he had compromised himself and fallen for her. There is no redemptive value in his story, because what he told was the story of a sociopath who successfully manipulated and controlled a woman who should have been able to notice the signs of a major personality disorder. He overcame her skills, her training, and made her doubt her instincts. The story he tells her when at last he cannot deny who he is, is that of a master spy who infiltrated and brought down his intended target—mentally and emotionally if not physically. He gaslighted her. Then he beat her, for a trifecta of abuse. First the mental and emotional anguish of having believed the lie, then the physical brutality of being thrown around, punched in the face, and body-slammed into their coffee table.

This is to say nothing of the emotional damage of rape by deception—that the man she consented to have an intimate sexual relationship with was someone else entirely, who she never would have consented to had she known. The image of him touching his wife in the shower and holding her in an intimate embrace while still having blood on his hands from committing murder is vibrant and irrevocable. What can be built from the squeamish feeling that evokes? That’s in addition to the feeling that she had from having to sleep with him just to keep up appearances so he didn’t suspect. It’s a version of the “freeze and comply” syndrome that sexual assault counselors and nurse examiners treat where the victim feels compelled to acquiesce, not due to actually giving consent, but out of fear of what will happen if they do not.

What this did for her characterization would be a test for her strength, but unfortunately she failed it by welcoming him back and mothering his child. Is it not stronger to forgive and try to build from the mistakes of the past? This seems to be the message the showrunners are trying to convey, or perhaps that anyone can be redeemed if they want it bad enough and work for it. The problem with their supposed message is two-fold, first because despite the fact that Reddington has done none of these things to her, she still finds fault with and cannot find it in herself to forgive him. He has done the exact opposite of Tom time and again, and serves as a strange juxtaposition of what the man in her life SHOULD do. He has saved her, proven himself truthful and trustworthy. He has shown concern and caring for her in ways she never expects. Again, it’s a strange juxtaposition that is both frustrating for the viewer because of the injustice of it, but also because it does not ring true as to what informs normal human behavior. She SHOULD clue in to the fact that Reddington has consistently pulled her out of the fire literally and figuratively, and that the threats have never come from him but from her running directly from him. The opposite is true with Tom, who she tried to run away with and wound up headlong into danger because of it. We wind up frustrated with her, because will she ever learn??

Secondly, as a character forgiving Tom did more damage to Liz, strictly because in any real world scenario there is no such thing as redemption after a certain point. The things that this character did are not “mistakes.” They go light years beyond a little gambling debt or even caving in and cheating once. Those are things a man can come clean to his wife about and possibly rebuild from. What Tom did to her is what should only result in a restraining order and several felonies. These are the types of behaviors that are true exhibitions of evil in the world and should not be forgiven. Ressler’s statement to the effect of saying that there’s no coming back from some things rings true here. What forgiving Tom did for her, in essence was make her a “but he loves me though” type of woman; Liz Keen is now the “Why I Stayed” hashtag, a domestic violence victim who stayed despite all reason, a cuckolded wife who bowed (because let’s not forget he really did have an affair with Gina and essentially Jolene). Furthermore, Tom did not do anything worthy of redemption and showed the desire for it way later than he should have.

Beyond the gaslighting and the physical abuse, he used his own wife as a human shield, held her at gunpoint more than once—even AFTER she spared his life, which belies the fact that she should not have bothered. He nearly let her go to trial for a murder he committed—and even at that stage, did not show remorse, concern, caring, or especially that he might be beholden to her in any way. Rather than Tom cooperating and being helpful by stepping up and being a man to save her, Reddington had to step in, drag him back into the country, threaten and coerce him into fessing up and getting her cleared. That is not a man worthy of redemption, not a man working for redemption. No man of any value would let the woman he purports to love go to prison for a crime he committed.

With all of this evidentiary of his true nature, what would have shown strength for her character would have been the strength that many women have to find daily in situations that in some ways are better than Liz’s was—the strength to gather what reserves they have and walk away with their lives. Some women have lived the nightmare of having a chair swung at them as Liz has. Some women have had husbands with affairs, who lived double lives—maybe not as a spy, but married to some other woman in another town—who have been beaten in the face and broken down. Who have been undermined until they do not know who or what they can trust anymore. THOSE women show strength and resiliency in recognizing a no-win situation and getting out. Sadly, the showrunners instead resurrected the fantasy bubble and even the fantastical nom de guerre of their dubious hero, which flies in the face of the symbolism of rending the old fabric of fantasy to build again from something better. Instead they are stitching a half-assed seam through the tattered remains of what should have been burned on a pyre of fabric scraps. What was a cover they are now trying to make and fashion into reality. Worse, they brought a baby into the mix. Anyone under the sun other than the worst choice imaginable could have fathered her, but instead we have Elizabeth Keen returning like a dog to its vomit and picking the least best choice out of sheer neediness. How weak for someone who was once known as “sir” to her classmates.

Which brings me to the fact that it is not entirely certain that the showrunners, especially the creator/s, realize what responsibilities they have to their viewers at large. When something of this magnitude is placed in your lap you are given decibels of volume. People listen to the message you impart week by week, as it is a testament and reflection of society and what our roles are therein. Are there necessarily children watching? Possibly. But more importantly are a large contingency of women who receive messages from media on a daily basis as to how we should look, eat, act, love and maintain relationships. What message does this send then to women in the audience who have lived this terror? That is not to say it doesn’t happen to men, but by and large the message is geared to women, from a female lead who is supposed to embody strength. How are women who have been cowed by their men and beaten supposed to take it? That they should have stayed? That it was “#truelove”? That is, as one showrunner said, she should be able to handle it?? Do these men, because the writers and producers are predominantly male, expect women to be able to relate to Liz’s character after this? Should they chain their lying, abusive husbands in the basement until Stockholm Syndrome sets in and they repent?

And what about those in domestic violence situations who DO wear a uniform and/or badge as Liz does? I am a female veteran myself, and the twitter messages that I’ve read indicate that because we have weapons training or combatives training we should be able to take what’s coming to us. Except that, as Red says, “love means you have no control.” Taking that one step further, love means you have no defense either, especially when the attack is coming from behind. For that reason, no matter our background, we do not necessarily react to defend when the attack is coming from the one place we do not expect. The shock alone is enough to render us helpless and stay our hand, whereas in other situations our instincts would serve to help us. Instead, from someone our instinct says to nurture and love, we are not as likely to raise our hands to defend and certainly not our fists to attack—in a hostile situation that kind of hesitation can prove fatal. But we’ve got training, so we can handle it right?

It is an extreme way to make this point, but it renders her entirely unrelatable and therefore flat. Liz is a lead, we should care for her and her wellbeing, but when she shows so little regard for it herself and even delves as low as she did by torturing and holding her husband hostage, the entire arc of their relationship leaves the realm of truth telling entirely. This is not what people do, and IF they do, they wind up in prison.

Some may argue that it is fiction. Yet there has to be a thread of truth to help the viewer relate. If it doesn’t ring true, and it gets too far beyond belief, people lose interest because it does not hold the same power over them. No matter what kind of world you write, even of Tolkien or Rowling, human nature remains. You could write in a dragon that lands on the roof of the Post Office. It’s still fiction, so it’s okay, but is it good? Is it true? The litmus test should be this, roughly: yes you can do it, because it’s fiction, but SHOULD YOU? Keen 2 is that dragon. We lost the truth.

The viewers of this show are not necessarily young and naïve enough to look at the Keens’ relationship and accept that all relationships should and can progress as this one has. Not every female will look at it and accept that this is acceptable behavior. However, I have pointed some of these things out online before and had one hapless fan say, “but he’s so cute though,” in all seriousness. This is an insult to Ryan. He’s more than that. And it’s an insult to women who have been taken in by a pretty face and then taken advantage of because of it. A relationship may start with that, but it should never end with acceptance of someone getting away with murder (Eugene Ames, rest in peace), abuse, betrayal and lies.

For these reasons and myriad others, the showrunners have missed the very salient point in that they do have a responsibility to us to be true, not only to what rings as truth to humanism, but truth to the characters and what they need to do to progress and grow. We lost Elizabeth Keen when she became weakened by a fantasy she continues to try to emulate. Now there is no one for us to relate to, and no honest actions we can get behind. But it begs the question: how do these guys not see this?? If nothing else, there is the hope that eventually she will clue in, eventually she will gain some insight with that psych degree and field experience of hers. She’s not supposed to be a stupid character, but thanks to the decisions these guys have made for her, it makes us wonder: will this insipid fantasy continue, or will she finally realize which corner help has come from and which corner holds her true opponent? Is there character growth to be had at this stage, or are we watching devolution of character?

Red has said time and again, “men like Tom don’t change,” and in every aspect of life we have seen the truth of this. News stories abound of men like Tom. Prisons are full of them. Yet we watch week in and week out a charade that all started with a fraudulent relationship that exploded into violence and has since been sold to us as a story of “true love.” What a departure from reality that is, even for fiction. It’s a lie that never should have been sold to us, and we are not buying anyway—most of us—but sadly, some are. That is what is scariest, that these guys can and do wield the power they have and reprehensibly are not using the power for good.

By all means, they still have it in their power to fix this. But will they? Or is this show that was once so promising going to crash and burn because the female lead, the one we initially related to, we have been disenfranchised from over a “true love” story of abuse, betrayal, deceit, and sociopathy, all tied up in the name of Redemption?

Originally posted by kateyfuller

How are aphobe queers gonna act like all their arguments about ace ppl not being “apart of the community” don’t sound exactly like the things bisexuals and trans people hear?

Like also the argument about straightness?? You know that?? Some trans people are straight? Some trans people are straight and “pass cis” and their transness effects their social life in a very limited way. There are even! Trans homophobes!!! Rare but I’ve met them!!

Like! “kinksters” forcing themselves into the queer community I’m against, because kink is about like… How you get off and literally that’s it. And that’s not what queer is. Queerness is a whole entire social/romance/interpersonal thing. It changes how you experience life not just.. How you experience bedroom shit.

But like? Ace people?? Being ace affects life in a lot of ways. And a lot of people get a lot of shit for being ace, including “you’re just like this because of trauma” (Which I know you LGBT folk have heard before) and “Have you had your hormones checked?” (also familiar)

Like not everyone in the queer community goes through the same experience!? Duh!! And also it’s not a fucking competition.

Like some gay ppl have accepting families and communities, and some don’t. The gay people who have been surrounded by acceptance their whole lives… Are they less gay??

Some ace folx have it easier than others too. So do trans ppl and everyone else. It’s… It’s the same deal… Just because something doesn’t happen in your community (or at least you don’t see it happen because. it doesn’t affect you.) doesn’t mean.. It doesn’t exist.

Like why do ppl insist on being so ignorant about this just… Like including aces in the umbrella doesn’t really… Hurt our community in any way? Letting them get away with bullshit hurts us, but if you think that our community is free from internal bullshit you… Have not been paying the tiniest bit of attention (or you’re Dan Savage.. Either way) .

Like for all the arguments against having straight people in the queer community… Like “having our oppressors in the community” and yes, I’ve seen ace people be like “ew sex” and be homophobic but you know what else? I’ve seen waaayyy more cis queers be super-duper transphobic so… Maybe we should kick cis people out too right???

I just. I’m sorry I know I’ve said all these things before. But I get so! Annoyed! Just let ace people be! Stop being such assholes because it’s not something that personally affects you! Likeee! So what if your parents wouldn’t have cared? My parents didn’t care that I was gay! Some people’s parents are straight-up awful about it. Some people are, straight up awful about it. And you wouldn’t know because it doesn’t affect you! Like!! For all that shit you guys talk about listening to people when they say they face oppression and shit when it comes to your experience… You are doing an awful job of doing just that for others. I mean really. :///


genre: I’m pretty sure this is fluff with some angst thrown in there but not that much. angst ain’t my type.

words: 4k+

warnings: Swearing! there’s swearing. 

summary: While Phil is away up in the north to celebrate Christmas, he starts wondering just how much of a clingy boyfriend he is. Because sure, he misses Dan a lot, but does he misses Dan to the point he hallucinates conversating with his 2009 and 2012 versions? Or maybe he just needs to sleep. It is 3:30 AM after all.

a/n: Merry Louis Tomlinson day. This is for my cute friend @pjothekick I hope you have a great day, Alex :’) also this is… 2009x2012x2015? Yeah? That’s not a thing? Oh.

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Can I be real a second? For just a millisecond? And tell you guys how I feel a second? Ha!! All musical references aside I just gotta take a moment to congratulate my boy @thatsthat24 for one, winning a Streamy for Best Viner, cause to me he is, hands down!! And two, for hitting 1M followers in Instagram!! Like. That’s crazy awesome! Thomas. You’re seriously one of my favorite people in the whole freakin galaxy and also one of the few individuals I feel actually deserves everything you’re achieving! From awards, to millions of followers to headlining your own tour(which I’m still completely in love with). You are really making a difference in not just my life, but every single person who follows you! To me, Thomas, you’re the epitome of a good person. Knowing you have flaws, but still continue to do and try your best every day. Along with helping others and doing everything in your power to make sure everyone of any background or identity is heard and represented cause you know how important it is for every voice to be heard, no matter how small. And that just means the world to me and I know everybody else as well!! And I’ve rambled enough, but Thomas. Seriously. You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met and I’m super glad to be able to call you my friend! You never cease to amaze me, bud! I love you to the moon and back!!❤️

when you didn’t even study for a test but you still get a good grade for it