whoring it up at the beach

◆ —— SHAMELESS (US) QUOTES STARTER PROMPTS.

PART. 2 [TRIGGER WARNINGS AHEAD]

  • When did you start to care? 
  • I’ve dreamt about your death; put money in a collection box and prayed for it; blew out my birthday candles, wished for it. If it actually ever happened, I’m not sure I’d feel relief or guilt.
  • What if I don’t want to change?
  • Don’t what? 
  • You’re a fucking pussy. 
  • You look like a baby rabbit when you sleep.
  • You’re getting careless. Don’t.
  • I just assumed we’d eventually decide how to move together like normal couples do.
  • But there never was a ‘we’.
  • People fuck up, that’s life.
  • Family is supposed to be forever. They’re supposed to take care of you, regardless of what you do. 
  • Please don’t be the guy that lies. 
  • I have red hair, freckles and crooked teeth. No need for any more character. 
  • I need at least one person in this family to not turn cynical and my money’s been on you. 
  • Anyone who’s been married knows that sex is downhill from there. 
  • Big toe is throbbing like blueballs that no blowjob can ever fix. 
  • She’s a skanky, manipulative bitch and you should unfriend her. 
  • The porn at my desk isn’t really porn. It was pictures of penises, but it was from a circumsision website. 
  • I’ve seen crazy and I’ve seen bad for kids. You aren’t either of those things.
  • Don’t forget to check for hair behind the grill. 
  • I realize you’ve had sketchy parental role models, but can we agree that offing people is not cool? 
  • That turned me off, periscope down. 
  • I want normal people problems. 
  • When you tried to get me to be intimate with three of your friends, it made me feel sad. 
  • So, thanks to me, you’ve been pistol whipped and shot in the ass. 
  • Alcohol is a gift.
  • All I’m gonna be thinking about when you choke me out is how much I love you. 
  • If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard you say that, I’d have one dime. 
  • I don’t mean to be an asshole. It’s just genetic. 
  • I know you think you’re helping, but as someone who has been in and out of the system care my entire life, I can tell you it’s a nightmare. 
  • I wasn’t sure I’d see you again. 
  • Nobody fucks with the [insert last name]
  • You buried a body and you stole from the federal government. You will never get out of prison. 
  • We could always adopt.
  • Girls take that hero stuff straight to the bank. 
  • The whole 'my dad is gay for your brother’ thing has thrown me outta loop. 
  • Giving or receiving? 
  • Doing things you don’t wanna do is how you make a relationship work. 
  • I know school was never your thing, but you’ve never been dumb. 
  • Asking him to pick me over them is asking me to change the thing I love most about him. 
  • She is a crazy bitch and not crazy bitch like you’re a crazy bitch. 
  • She once tried to beat me to death with a frozen fish because I asked for more broccoli. 
  • Kick ass, take names.. and don’t blow anyone. 
  • When you’re poor, the only way to make money is to scam it or steal it. 
  • You get along a lot better with a weapon and a kind word, than a kind word alone. 
  • If I don’t invest in myself, no one else will. 
  • My baby was stolen by my mom and her developmentally delayed boyfriend. 
  • He’s not my boyfriend. 
  • It smells worse than a dead hooker’s ass in there. 
  • I’m not going to let you throw him out like used Kleenex. 
  • She’s fragile.
  • She’s broken. 
  • I don’t wanna be me anymore. 
  • An accident? Where his penis just slipped into your vagina? 
  • You gotta get me out of this car, I’m getting too horned up. 
  • I’m sorry, but now I gotta go pick up my wife’s boyfriend. 
  • Sometimes it’s not worth holding out. Life’s too short, why not just give in? 
  • Why would anyone go to the zoo sober? 
  • I’d trade my left nut for one more hour of sleep. 
  • Your mother was a real cunt. 
  • Circle doesn’t start with an S? What the fuck? 
  • Sometimes when I see the word hospice on the street, I pronounce it ho-spice. 
  • You’re lucky your moms dead. 
  • I made a list of the top 50 stupidest things and all 50 were when I was drunk. 
  • My testicles have never been my ally. 
  • Go fuck yourself. 
  • Front door was locked so I came in the back. No pun intended. 
  • I’m sick of living in your shadow. 
  • I never thought I’d say this, but you were right. 
  • She said she had some personal business. I change her diaper, what’s more personal than that? 
  • How can you be so cold about this? 
  • Just for the record, a lot of great men have been well-lubricated. 
  • I’m not the reason your life is a piece of crap.
  • Your coochie smells like brimestone and Sulfur. 
  • One of my unspoken rules is you don’t fuck someone else when we’re on a date. 
  • You married a drug lord’s daughter to hang on to your ear? 
  • I don’t take bribes. 
  • Honey, you’re an alcoholic. 
  • Where can I get knives and blunts? 
  • You can’t control what goes on in the world. You can just choose to be a part of it everyday. 
  • Where I come from, it’s an honour to share your man. 
  • I’m gonna beat your ass like a pinata until candy falls out! 
  • You don’t love me.
  • You’re kinda growing on me. 
  • Dead people poop themselves. 
  • Where’s the money? 
  • It doesn’t make you a kept woman, it makes you a smart one. 
  • I’ll keep that in mind when I’m feeding my family dog food this winter. 
  • I can’t share a room with someone in constant state of arousal! 
  • Look at me. I can’t go to jail, I might as well wear heels. 
  • I’m gay. 
  • You just made my boy parts get bigger. 
  • Not to be a dick or anything, but you have been kind of a whore. 
  • Eat my ass!
  • Wanna see me make a mangina? 
  • You fucked my brother. 
  • Whores don’t get cars. 
  • I wouldn’t exactly call it an orgy, but there were a lot of naked body parts flying around. 
  • You wish you had a dick as big as mine! 
  • Are you gonna put those in my ass? 
  • If you do this for me, I will dress up any way you want. No safety word. 
  • I was raised by a pack of wolves. 
  • I certainly hope you’re not pooping in there. It’s a closet. 
  • Can I get you something? Milk? Soda? A joint? It’s medicinal. 
  • Like you in the sack, make it quick. 
  • Did you purposely order a Sex on the Beach so I’d say it to the gay bartender? 
  • No. No way. I can’t handle anything in my ass without alcohol. 
  • The beard gets me laid. 
  • I haven’t had a drink for two days. Well, granted, I was unconscious. 
  • You’re hot, but it’s been a while since I’ve been with a dude. 
  • He was warm, like the inner thighs of an overworked hooker. 
  • He may look like he’s in a boy band, but he’s got a point. 
  • Let’s be honest, she’s my last chance at happiness, and that’s more important than video games and masturbation, right? 
  • I am not a religious man, but every now and then, a child comes along who makes me believe in the existence of Satan. 
  • I believe the answer to that question, like the answer to most questions, is fuck you. 
  • Keep laughing, or I will slit your throat in your sleep. 
  • Brush your teeth, I wanna play. 
  • Other than the presents and the booze, can you tell me three good reasons we should get married? 
  • Oh, don’t mind me. I accidentally took three of my pills instead of one. 
  • Well, if you need me, I’ll be in the bushes across the street stalking you.
Ru Paul's Drag Race contestants bios if they were 16 y/o girls on tumblr
  • Alaska 5000: hIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII My name is Alaska, what's yours? I'm from the planet glamtron *alien emoji*
  • Willam Belli: I wasn't a whore, whores get paid I was a slut.#yourtoneseemsverypointedrn
  • Jiggly Caliente: You may know my name but you don't know my story *lips emoji*
  • Alyssa Edwards: I don't get cute I get drop dead gorgeous *nails emoji
  • Jujube: I like long walks on the beach, big dicks and fried chicken.
  • Gia Gunn: Let me feel my oatssssss #howisshetho? *sassy emoji*
  • Latrice Royale: Large and in charge, chunky yet funky #EATIT
  • Raja: fashion/make up/punk/genderfuck/ If you have nothing nice to say come sit with me. #heathers
  • Carmen Carrera: NJ, I am the body beautiful sweetie ;)
  • Miss Fame: #AngelsAreReal #blessed *wings emoji*
  • Laganja Estranja: #turnup #weed #theselegzareeveeerythang
  • Adore Delano: Mermaid/Chola/Libra/Party *dancing emoji*
  • Violet Chachki: Is that coneceited? #youcantsitwithus
  • Sharon Needles: Hit a niggie up? ;)

mcldrabblesandwhatnot  asked:

Do you think you could write a few Dake headcanons, please? And btw, you're one of my favorite drabble blogs! //I wish I could write like you

Ahhh thank you so much <3 The game doesn’t give a lot of info about Dake but I do have a couple of headcannons for him! 
———–

-Dake LOVES marine biology and is considering pursuing a degree in it after high school. That way, he could go surfing on the numerous beaches he’d have to visit for work. It’s a win-win!

-Dake has commitment issues. Thus why he has “player” tendencies and sometimes acts like a douchebag to impress Candy. BUT…

-Dake is a hardcore romantic. Once he’s smitten, he’d do anything for Candy. He’s the type who would take her on expensive, flamboyant dates and LAVISH her with gifts. He’d buy her flowers everyday, wake her up with kisses, travel the world with her and propose to her on the most romantic spot in the world. 

-Dake is a party whore and has a KILLER tolerance for alcohol. You know these dudes who drink like 15 shots and end up with only a mild hangover while you would probably need to go to the hospital to recover? Yeah, that’s Dake. 

-Dake’s family is rich. And I mean RICH. That’s how he gets to travel all the way from Australia to France all the time. 

-Dake has a great relationship with his uncle, Boris. Whenever he comes to visit, the pair always chill together, whether it’s by going surfing together or just gossiping. 

-Dake is lonely. Girls seem to like him only because he’s physically attractive and popular, and this really hurts him. All he wants is to have a real friend to like him for who he is. 

-Dake gets jealous really easily. Like with Lysander, he doesn’t like when Candy even talks to another guy. This ties in with his overall loneliness and commitment issues.

-Dake is a book nerd. Surprisingly, he’s well-read. There’s never anything interesting to do on the plane from Australia to France, so he brings a book with him (recommended by Boris.) Dake has read all the classics, but his favorite series is Harry Potter.

Why I Need Feminism

We need feminism because when I was 5 years old I was told playing with my brother’s toys wasn’t very ladylike. When I was 9 years old, I was denied a cupcake because my grandmother told me that it was “a second on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.” The cupcake was given to my brother, who of course didn’t have to worry about his body at 9 years old. We need feminism because at 11 years old, I kept a journal to count calories. At 11 years old, my internet search history was “How to get a flat stomach fast” and “Ideal body measurements for 5'2” After only 11 years of life, I was determined to do anything to be as thin as the beautiful women that the role model women in my life strived to look like. When I was 13 years old, I came across an article that told me “Men don’t find women with extra fat attractive.” The article told me the only way to be thin FAST was to throw up. Beautiful models always had the stigma of never eating and throwing up, so I decided to throw up. We need feminism because at 13 years old I stuck two fingers down my throat and developed a year long eating disorder to become beautiful.
We need feminism because in 7th grade, I was called a “slut” “whore” and “skank” by classmates because our society has taught my classmates that any female who is open about her feelings is disqusting. I was 12 years old. We need feminism because my legs have been sexualized to the point where I have been told my shorts are “too short” at the beach on a 90 degree day by a complete stranger. We need feminism because I am scared to go anywhere at night alone. We need feminism because my cousin was raped at 15 and her mother told her she shouldn’t have worn such a “slutty” shirt. We need feminism because my father refers to gay men as “fags” but has no problem accepting feminine lesbians. We need feminism the only google image results for “beautiful women” are white, thin women. We need feminism because women are people too.

This isn’t related to my drabble from AU week. I was going to do a second part but decided I wanted to write a brand new multi chapter fic set in the tennis world. Hope you enjoy it still though : )

Amazing cover from my lovely gal @queencarolinemikaelson

Singles tennis players Klaus Mikaelson and Caroline Forbes are forced to partner in the mixed doubles in order to raise her status on the world stage and to quell his notorious, bad boy image. The problem is they can’t stand each other and the heated chemistry they share soon spills over off court (Klaroline, Kennett, Kalijah, Mabekah, Carenzo friendship)

Prologue: Game, Set, Match

Let’s Get it Started

Palm Beach, Florida – Monday October 26

“You cannot be serious?” Caroline muttered, jumping up from her seat and glaring at her publicist.

“I think given I’ve had to repeat myself for your benefit once already, you know just how serious I am.”

“Katherine,” she whined, flopping back on the outdoor chair. “You can’t do this to me; he’s like the biggest man whore on the international circuit.”

“Exactly why you’re going to partner with him. Klaus Mikaleson needs an image change and who better to give it to him than you.”

“And what do I get out of it?”

“I don’t know; perhaps money, glory and most importantly status, Caroline,” Katherine insisted. “Klaus is one of the most marketable players in men’s tennis today and being his partner will help boost your public profile.”

“And if you don’t believe it just ask his Sports Agent Kol Mikaelson, who likes to remind me of that fact on a regular basis.” Bonnie drawled.

Katherine and Bonnie had both been working behind the scenes with his personal staff to make this dreaded union a reality the past few months but given most conversations between their agents ended with yelling of some sort and his sister’s impeccable talent of rubbing Katherine the wrong way, she assumed this partnership was doomed. Unfortunately she’d been wrong and it looked like she was stuck with him.

“Well, I don’t know why Klaus needs an image change given how supposedly marketable he is,” she muttered, standing again and pacing back and forth past the picturesque swimming pool.

Caroline had recently purchased the mansion in Palm Beach thanks to her sharp increase in match prize money. Not only did it boast an amazing outdoor area along with the pool, she had her own tennis court for private practice.

“That worked for him coming up the ranks because he was wild and sponsors liked that unpredictability he offered but now he’s one of the top ten players his image needs to become more mature and settled.”

“Good luck with that,” she snorted. “Klaus Mikaleson has bedded the majority of women on the professional tour and I don’t think playing tennis with me is going to change that reputation anytime soon, Bon.”

“Well, stranger things have happened,” Katherine joked. “Look, just give this a try for six months. I promise if it doesn’t work out we can end the partnership, okay?”

“Six months,” she growled. “How am I going to put up with that idiot for a whole six months?”

“Well, he’s not entirely bad to look at,” Katherine suggested, shrugging her shoulders.

“Trust you to go there, Pierce,” she shot back. “I couldn’t care less what he looks like, he’ll always be a nauseating womaniser in my eyes.”

“Well then, consider your career, Caroline. This is a great opportunity to learn from one of the best tennis players in the world,” Bonnie implored.

“And doesn’t he know it,” she murmured, although Bonnie did have a point, not that she’d admit it aloud. Klaus was extremely talented, there was no denying that. “Okay fine, what do I have to do?”

“We’ve set up an initial meet and greet for you both.”

“You already organised this? I’m glad I had absolutely no say in this whatsoever,” she groaned. “Fine, but tell him I expect him to get his butt over here tomorrow morning at 10am sharp, we might as well get this over and done with.”

“Wow, I never knew you were so forward, gorgeous,” Enzo whistled, as he walked across the patio. “Who’s the lucky guy?”

“What have I told you about discussing my love life?”

“Well, you’d have to have one for there to be an actual discussion,” he joked. “Oh come on give me a bone, you know how much I love salacious gossip.”

“Well, after that comment about my love life consider your request denied, Enzo,” she muttered. “I thought you came here to practice?”

“I did,” he baulked, slipping into a chair and swiping a croissant from Katherine’s unfinished plate and taking a large bite. “Thanks, Kitty Kat.”

“Enzo! What did I tell you about stealing my food?”

“Pretty much the same thing you said after that guy you were making goo-goo eyes at tried to make a move on me. Don’t touch my stuff,” he grinned, devilishly. “I told you I was sorry, but it’s difficult when you have a face this pretty.”

“What have we told you about talking about yourself, Enzo?”

“That it makes you feel insecure because I’m just that gorgeous, Bon Bon,” he chuckled, earning a dirty look from the brunette. “Who needs sisters when I have you three to tease mercilessly?”

“And aren’t we all so lucky for that fact,” Caroline murmured. Enzo had been her tennis coach and trainer for the past five years and although his lack of modesty left a lot to be desired he was damn good at what he did. He’d turned a relatively unknown tennis player and made Caroline into a serious contender on the female singles circuit.

“Before the annoying one interrupted, I was going to tell you that the meeting has already been organised for Saturday the 31st, in the Caymans.” Katherine whispered the last part, obviously hoping she wouldn’t pay too much to the location.

“I’m sorry? I have a full training schedule all planned out and don’t have time to jet around to tropical islands on a whim. Right, Enzo?”

“Oh come on love, don’t be hasty. You know I could actually use some time in the sun, my tan is so uneven at the moment,” Enzo complained. “I take it she knows the news about the impending partnership then?”

“Am I the last one to know?”

“You or possibly Klaus, take your pick,” Katherine murmured.

“Look, he lives in the Cayman Islands, a lot of the players do considering its tax haven status,” Bonnie explained. “It can’t hurt to take a little weekend trip, relax and get a tan at the same time.”

“Unbelievable,” she muttered, reaching for her Prince racquet on the table and glancing back at her coach. “Let’s practice; I’ll pretend the balls are Klaus Mikaelson’s face.”

“Be afraid, be very afraid,” Katherine joked, towards Enzo’s retreating back.

To be continued on FF here

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS I WOULD LIKE TO SEE HARRY STYLES DEAD SO HE WOULD STOP RUINING LOUIS AND ELEANORS RELATIONSHIP OH MY FUCKING GOD IS THIS A JOKE ??? ? HE RUINS THE BAND BECAUSE HES A SICK DISGUSTING WHORE BETCH SHUT UP HES FILLED WITH DISEASE AND NEEDS TO BE SOAKED IN BEACH BETCH I WILL POUR BLEACH DOWN YOUR FUCKING THROAT IF YOU DONT SHUT THE FUCK UP IM CLEANING YOUR MOUTH OUT BETCH GET A FUCKING LIFE YOU HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO FOOK YUH. BLAH BLAH BLAH TO ALL YOU LARRY SHIPPERS YOU ARE STUPID AND SICK FREAKS EXCUSEEE ME IM NOT THE ONE WHO HAS A FUCKING A BLOG DEDICATED TO WANTING TO KILL SOMEONE SCUSE ME I DONT NEED THIS IN MY LIFE WHAT IS THIS SHIT IM NOT EVEN READING THIS SPOT THE WHO- OH FUCK OFF OH HE DUH DUH UDH DUH GET A FUCKING LIFE 410 HE HAS NOT SLEPT WITH 410 PEOPLE DO YOU JUST BELIEVE EVERYTHING YUH READ YUH STUPID FUCKING BETCH YOURE A RAT OHHHHHHH MY GOD OH OH OH YOU SAY LARRY SHIPPER ARE FREAKS? WHO THE FOOK MADE THAT??? WHO MADE THAT??? ? YUH YUH YUH DID SO WHY DONT YUH YUH YUH GO GET SOME FUCKING HELP IN A MENTAL INSTITUTION YOU STUPID FUKING RAT YOU ARE OOOOOHHHHHH I DONT NEED THIS YOU ARE A SNAKE GET OUT GET OUT FOOK YUH I DONT NEED THIS I DONT NEED THIS IN MY LIFE I FUCKING HATE YOU I HATE PEOPLE LIKE THIS PEOPLE LIKE THIS PISS ME THE FOOK OFF BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW HARRY HARRY IS A HUMAN BEING YES HES A CELEBRITY BUT HES A HUMAN SO WHY DONT YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP. OKAY. LEAVE.