wholehearted life

slow dance. - bughead

“based on this post: (x) written by @maya-isadora-ble.

post 1x11 fic, slightly au in which jughead finds betty when he sprints out of the trailer, they make up and finally get the dance they missed out on at homecoming. also forgive the quality of this as it’s my first time writing.

sorta angsty at the start, all the fluff at the end!
TW: mentions of blood.

Betty’s breath was hitching in her throat, as she felt the satin material of her dress rub against the scars on her palms, the friction making them feel dangerously warm. The dress skirt was balled up tightly in her fists, to spare her from tripping on it’s length as she ran up the concrete stairs of Pop’s.

She didn’t care about what happened at the dance, about Archie, Veronica, or anyone. Not anymore. All that coursed through her mind, like a river rushing to an unreachable target, was Jughead. She cursed herself, kicked herself a hundred, no, a thousand times for not telling him her mom’s true motives. She simply craved the smile he wore only in her presence, so much so that she wasn’t honest with him. Just to see him smile. Her mind ran to the darkest of places, where had he gone? What about FP? Was he hurt?

Betty clenched her teeth and opened the door to the shoppe, feeling a sour taste rise in her mouth when she didn’t see him there, in his regular booth. She walked up to Pop, and took a deep breath, as she managed to articulate words.

“Pop,” she said. “Jughead hasn’t been by…has he?” she said, almost in a hushed whisper. It was all she could manage right now.
“No,” he replied tiredly. “You’re not the only one who’s come looking for him,” gesturing subtly to the booths behind where Betty stood.

She felt her chest tighten as she met eyes with Archie, and Veronica. She immediately felt herself tense a little bit more, with every step they took toward her.
“Betty,” Veronica began.

Betty didn’t want to forgive them right now. She wanted to stew her feelings into a cocktail of hate and dump it over their heads, she wanted them to hurt the way she was sure Jughead, somewhere, wherever he was, must be hurting. But the softer side of her sincerely hoped they would never have to. As much as she felt they deserved it.

“Betty, thank goodness-” Veronica said.
“We were going to call you.” Archie cut in.

“I’m not talking to you,” she said, shaking her head, feeling her concern replace with anger, her hushed whisper to Pop now a glaring tone of voice threatening to bubble into a yell at any moment. Betty was sure that if even a twig snapped, she would either burst into tears or scream.

She made eye contact with Archie and Veronica, who seemed to be waiting on her to say something. But the fact that they expected friendly conversation from her seemed to go over her head completely. How dare they.
“Either of you, ever again.” 

“It’s about Jughead,” Archie said, somehow seeming complacent in his voice. Betty felt her muscles loosen, but silently felt angry at them for playing her weak card. Archie knew bringing up Jughead would get her attention. And he was right.

“Kevin called me.” Betty rolled her eyes at Veronica. “His dad found a gun, the gun that killed Jason. In a lockbox in FP’s closet.”

“But we searched FP’s trailer,” Archie interjected. Betty felt her anger nudged out by confusion and curiosity. She did her best not to show it, keep her face framed on her disdain, hoping the two would get the message.

“We searched that closet-”
“There was no lockbox. Someone put it there after we left.” Archie finished. Betty felt her chest burn, as she exhaled a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. 

“He’s being framed.”

This was the twig snap. Betty turned on her heel, twisting it slightly as she darted out of the diner, but at the very first step, she felt the ground disappear beneath her and felt her arms scratch against gravel as she fell to the ground. She forced herself back up, and looked at her arms. The gravel had left a gash on her right arm, but it wasn’t too deep, so she chose to ignore the stinging pain, and walked as quickly as she could to the one place Jughead could be.
If she wasn’t too late. 

Quite some blood had dripped from the cut on Betty’s arm. She brushed off the tiny rocks embedded in her skin and continued walking. Even with the slight limp from her fall, each step of hers seemed heavy with determination, with purpose, as she finally reached the sign.
“Sunnyside Trailer Park.”

She continued down the path, until she came to the trailer she was looking for. FP’s trailer. She stood there for a moment, and thought to herself.
What if Jughead wasn’t there? Where would she look then? And if he was, and didn’t want to see her? That would be so much worse, the idea of rejection weighed heavily on her. 

She didn’t get too long to think about it though, as Jughead soon emerged from the trailer on his own, puffy-eyed. Betty could immediately tell he was crying, as she felt a part inside of her crush to pieces. 

Because of Archie and Veronica. And what they did.

“Betty?” He said, his voice angry, but she could hear the fear and sadness in it. The child who wanted nothing more than for his family to be together again. 

“Jughead, you don’t understand. Your dad, he’s-”
“Being framed,” He finished. Betty felt weak and dizzy, suddenly all the blood had rushed out of her head. She struggled to stay standing. “Betty, I know.”

He hadn’t the faintest idea when the first tear fell down his face. He couldn’t recall when that one tear had become a racking, heavy sob, followed by many others. Betty stood in front of him, helpless. 

Every fibre of her being wanted to hold him and kiss him and tell him everything would be okay, that this would blow over and they would be happy. But that would be a lie. She knew he was tired of lies, of pretending. Tired of acting like he was happy when he wasn’t.

She gave in to muscle memory, and held Jughead as he cried. Betty felt a tear slip down her own cheek, the love of her life was miserable. Because of her so called best friends.

For the first time since Jughead was a child, he cried proper tears that left his chest heaving and his lungs gasping for air. He cried for Jellybean, for his mom and dad, for Betty. For his crushed dream of his family being happy once more. 

Betty’s hands held him close, as he shook like a leaf under the streetlight in the trailer park. There was no way he could hide his desperate weakness anymore. But he wasn’t scared. He no longer felt afraid of being vulnerable around Betty. He had built his walls so high, and she had walked into his life as though there was a door right in the middle inviting her in. 

“Jughead,” she said, as he looked at her, trying, to no avail, to blink back the tears in his eyes. “I love you. And I will never hurt you. I’m sorry about my mom, I’m sorry about Archie, and Veronica, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, you don’t even know how much I hate myself for it, I’m just so sorry-” She said, feeling her own cry-fest coming on. She tried to push back the tears welling in her eyes.

“Hey.” He said. Realizing that that was far too stiff, he softened his tone. “Hey, you don’t need to be sorry about what Archie and Veronica and your mom did, that isn’t your fault. I’m sorry I ran away. I…” He felt his breath stop in his throat, as Betty looked up at him with hopeful eyes.

“I love you too.” Betty smiled wider than he had ever seen in his life, a wholehearted smile that showed her teeth, that made her blue-green eyes squint. He loved that smile so much. Jughead wondered if saying it a second time would have the same effect. “I love you, Betty.” And it did.

“We didn’t get to dance at the homecoming,” She said, disappointment seeping into her voice. 
“Yeah…Guess we didn’t.” He said, not sure what to do. He would love to dance with her right then and there, but in the middle of the trailer park, with no music? It didn’t seem the most romantic. The rest of the night has gone to shit, He thought. Fuck it.

“May I have this dance?” He said, feeling a weak smile tug at his lips. She smiled back at him, as he rested his hands on her hips, and her arms slung over his shoulders. His eyes widened at the gash on Betty’s arm. Not bleeding anymore, but still red and angry. He wondered how it must have gotten there.

“What-what happened to your arm?” Jughead asked.

“It’s nothing, I promise. Can’t feel it.” She replied. 

“We don’t have any music.” he commented, as Betty began to sing softly.

“The world was on fire, no one could save me but you,” Their bodies pressed together as they began to dance. Peacefully. Softly. The only sound in the air was Betty’s voice.

“It’s strange what desire, makes foolish people do.” She felt light headed, and her body was on fire wherever he touched her. She tried not to gasp for air but failed. He spun her out and back to him gently, the butterflies in his stomach a frenzy. She continued to sing as they danced. She sang a song of someone playing a wicked game with her heart. Betty too, played such a wicked game with his heart, but he wasn’t even averse to it anymore. He was content to drown himself in her, not a care in the world could stop him anymore. He was allowing himself to be played by his own game.

Betty couldn’t seem to pry her eyes away from Jughead’s determined face, he watched his steps carefully to make sure he didn’t do anything wrong. He had never slow danced with a girl before. His breath was ragged, and once the song finished, he was sure Betty could hear his heartbeat over her singing.

“Nobody loves no one…” the last words of the song rang out as Jughead closed the gap between their lips. She smiled, they were familiar and soft. She let her arms wrap around him and all thoughts exited their minds. Right now, the only thing on each others’ minds was the other. Jughead’s fingers began to run through her hair, and both of them moved together perfectly. They both practically melted into the kiss. When it broke, Jughead’s eyes looked back to the broken door on the trailer.

He remembered what his dad had told him, about Betty, the night of his birthday. The night he almost gave up on what they had.

“You have a good thing here, with her. Something your mom and I could never give you….Also, man up. From what I saw in there, She needs you.” And suddenly Jughead felt ashamed for wanting to leave Riverdale in such a hurry. He hugged Betty as hard as he could, without crushing her, of course. He sighed, feeling at peace for a fleeting moment.

And in that moment, the world could have gone up in flames, and they wouldn’t have known it.

wow, that was pretty horrible! if for some reason you liked it, i would be happy to take requests for any other ideas? this was serious fanfic therapy for me as 1x11 crushed me to pieces, and hopefully it’ll help some of you as well.

I want to see every single woman know her value and truth. I want women to connect with themselves and start to live conscious lives. I want to see women move from a beige existence of always wanting something that only exists in the future - skinny, happy, acceptance, love - and love their journey today.
—  Alice Nicholls

Dear Taurus,  

You have 2 principles—“I love” and “I protect”. When you put protection forward, it’s based in trust; when you put it behind you, it’s based in protection. If you want to manifest something, you have to put love in a vase and let it grow in consciousness, and in turn the Law of Attraction will bring it into existence. The only place we fall short as a Taurus is in protection. Clearly, we’re number one. We know it. But it’s this understanding that’s prevented us from protecting ourselves. It wasn’t until recently that we started to understand how unprotected we were everywhere in life. It wasn’t until 2013 that we realized how we never securely, and some cases, actually protected ourselves. We never provided, enforced and maintained healthy boundaries that gave us space for breathing room, self-honoring and protection. In 2014, we are working on cultivating belief. Taurus and Taurus risings are moving into a higher level of collective consciousness. Right now, you’re deciding whether or not you believe in your inner intuition and inherent wisdom. Your decision from there will determine where you’ll go this year. To enter a space of protection moving forward, you must surrender to your beliefs. This required movement is why Taureans often get labeled as “stubborn”. Let me be clear—we’re not stubborn, we’re stable. Once we believe, we surrender completely, putting EVERYTHING into it. We hold that bubble of trust in front of us for inspection before completely diving in. If you haven’t recognized it already, Taureans are about to change. We’re beginning to see how life is unfolding. We’re beginning to attain more clarity and insight into why things have been going the way it’s been. We’re starting to believe in ourselves. For some time, we let the world talk us out of who we really were, which is why we had an issue with belief. Our belief didn’t stem from ourselves, it was dependent upon external sources. You are the source, and only way. Right now is the time to manifest abundance through belief. For Taurus and Taurus risings, now is the time to start responding to life with wholehearted belief and knowing that moving forward, you’re walking into favorable circumstances. Respond with wisdom. Dear Taurus, you have the capacity to make great decisions. Trust yourself. Trust your intuition. Now is the time to—DISCOVER what you really believe in, DECIDE what you believe in, and COMMIT to what you believe in. This is about really committing to your heart’s life purpose—what you were born to do. What only you and God know first, and your partners will know after you and God know. To achieve inner peace at this time requires you to maintain healthy boundaries between yourself and others. Stay in relationship with yourself daily. Remain sharp and connected, so you can navigate from a space of clarity. Don’t allow yourself to be carried away by external influences. Be mindful that at this time, if you aren’t present, you can be carried away by your emotions. Right now, you FEEL like your dreams are coming true, and it’s a great feeling. You feel the transformation on a real level now, though it’s manifesting for quite sometime, unbeknownst to many. The more you believe, the more happiness you feel on the inside, and also the more actively you’re manifesting your life through the Law of Attraction.

(This pertains to Taurus risings as well)

Operate from a conscious choice-maker perspective, as opposed to a reactionary victim role. The more we practice this awareness, the more our “light is on”, and when our “light is on” we become a beacon for others. Soon, more of those who are aligned with our light, our true Self, tend to gravitate towards us.
—  Preston Smiles
I’ve come to realise that there is no such thing as a ‘better’ life. There is just life. And you either choose to live it everyday doing something you love, enjoying each step along the journey, or you wait to reach an unattainable destination.
—  Sarah Williams
What if our religion was each other. If our practice was our life. If prayer, our words What if the temple was the Earth. If forests were our church. If holy water - the rivers, lakes, and ocean. What if meditation was our relationships. If the teacher was life. If wisdom was self-knowledge. If love was the center of our being.
—  Ganga White

The best thing you can do during big periods of change is simply flow with it. Resisting, fighting and struggling with situations that are out of your control only amplifies the discomfort.

This is where the practise of trust comes in. We do not need to know why something is happening or how it will be resolved. Instead we just trust whole-heartedly that we are exactly where we are meant to be.

Look beyond the surface, dig a little deeper and uncover the hidden value or supportive lesson that exists amongst the struggle you are experiencing. When you do, you will see that there is a divine reason behind everything that happens and it is all happening for your higher good.

—  Connie Chapman
Choosing to live and love with our whole hearts is an act of defiance. You’re going to confuse, piss off and terrify lots of people, including yourself. One minute you’ll pray that the transformation stops, and the next minute you’ll pray that it never ends. You’ll also wonder how you can feel so alive and so afraid at the same time… brave, afraid and very, very alive!
How much we know and understand ourselves is critically important, but there is something that is even more essential to living a wholehearted life: loving ourselves.
—  Brene Brown
Love it all. The good and the bad. The beautiful and the challenging. The light and the dark. We are so abundant but we cut off the supply when we resist what we are experiencing. Love your multi-faceted experience. Life loves us and will always bring us the exact experience we need. The more you love where you are and what you have, the more you will draw to you. Beam out love from your heart to your world, your work, your home, your relationships and watch it come back to you tenfold.
—  Connie Chapman
Tell your beautiful, complex, fragile, angry, heart wrenching story, and know that expressing through your feelings does not make you broken or unwhole, but rather quite the opposite. Feeling makes you human.
—  Ashley Barnes
You begin to realise that you are the ‘you’ that your friends and family are comfortable with, but that it’s not necessarily the only ‘you’ that exists. You begin to think – this is not the only life I could have led.
—  Tori Amos