A dessert worthy of a Battle Chef Champion. Watch it in action here.

What You Need:


  • 2 cups whole milk
  • 1 cup of cream
  • ½ cup of sugar
  • 1 TBL lemon juice
  • ½ cup bag non-fat Milk Powder
  • ½ tsp vanilla extract
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1 pound dry ice

Slime eggs and sauce:

  • 1 cup canola oil
  • 4 cups grape soda and or grape juice
  • 1 ½ TBL gelatin
  • 1 tsp cornstarch
  1. Note: use dry ice with extreme caution. It can cause serious burns if you’re not careful.
  2. For Helado: place milk, cream sugar, lemon juice, milk powder, vanilla extract and salt into a blender carafe. Blend until combined. Set aside. Using gloves, place dry ice onto a tea towel. Fold over the other end of the tea towel and crush with a hammer until it’s powder. Carefully pour into a metal bowl.
  3. In a stand mixer with a metal bowl and a paddle attachment, pour in your ice cream base. Turn the beater to low. Slowly sprinkle in your crushed dried ice into your mix. Allow the smoke to dissipate before adding another spoon. Once it’s thick, speed up the blender and continue adding dry ice until soft serve consistency is achieved. Spoon soft serve into your spiral molds and freeze until hard, about 4 hours. You’ll have leftovers. Eat them now, or freeze for later. Discard any unused dry ice.
  4. For slime eggs and sauce: Place oil in the fridge. In a large saucepan, add grape juice and soda. Cook on high until reduced to about 1 ½ cups of liquid. Pour 1 cup of your liquid into a measuring cup. Pour a little into a small bowl with your gelatin. Allow to bloom for five minutes.
  5. Add the rest of your 1 cup into a small sauce pan. Bring to a low boil. Once boiling, add your gelatin mixture and turn off the heat. Stir until the gelatin is totally dissolved. Pour into a squirt bottle and allow to cool for 15 mins. Pour remaining half cup of your liquid mixture into the saucepan. Add cornstarch and whisk until dissolved. Place in the fridge to cool.
  6. Remove your cold oil from the fridge. Squirt droplets of your gelatin mixture into your cold oil to form little “eggs.” Drain out the oil and rinse with cold water. Place eggs in a small jar until ready to use.
  7. To assemble: Mix eggs with a little cool sauce. Remove ice cream from molds. Fill the crevice with eggs and spoon sauce over dessert. Serve immediately.

Today’s oatmeal. Steel cut oats (overnight in whole milk), blueberries, blackberries, a pinch of salt, vanilla, and sweetened with a little bit of condensed milk. Cooked together. Then topped with maple almond butter, pepitas and mini semisweet chocolate chips.

This is one of the best I’ve made. The condensed milk makes it taste a bit like cheesecake, which is definitely unexpected but not at all unwelcome.

Kinktober #15: Lap Dance

Guess who’s back~ (This is a prostitute!Kageyama AU, although that is barely relevant in this fic, because it’s turned into a cringey!Hinata AU at this point)

“I wanna try something.”

These words, spoken out of the blue by Hinata, on a Saturday evening that previously held no other plans but Top Ramen and board games, strike fear into Kageyama’s heart.

Hinata is staring at him expectantly, adorably, but Kageyama isn’t falling for it. I want to try something means Hinata has gotten ideas into his head again, sex ideas, and Kageyama is about to be an awkward erotic guinea pig if he doesn’t think of a way out quick.

“Why don’t we play Monopoly first—” he starts to say, realizing his mistake too late. Neither of them even likes Monopoly. But they’d decided not to splurge on a Wii until they had more money saved up, so here they are.

Hinata rolls his eyes. “You know we’d just end up having sex on the board and ruining it anyway!” He flashes Kageyama a cheeky thumbs up. “This is a shortcut.”

“I'm… not sure I want to take this shortcut,” Kageyama tells him.

Hinata pouts. “I promise it’ll be fun. Really! I did a lot of research online.”

Fuuuuck my life, Kageyama thinks. It just keeps getting better.

Keep reading

We Bare Bears

Yields 12 cupcakes

The things you’ll need

  • 1 ¾ cups all purpose flour
  • ½ tablespoon baking powder
  • ¼ teaspoon salt
  • ½ cup unsalted butter, at room temperature
  • ¾ cup sugar
  • 2 large eggs, at room temperature
  • ½ cup honey
  • 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
  • ½ cup whole milk
  • White sanding sugar
  • Light brown sanding sugar
  • Black jelly beans
  • White, brown, and black candy melts
  • Large mixing bowl
  • Medium mixing bowl
  • Rubber spatula
  • Brown cupcake liners
  • Cupcake tray
  • Ice cream scoop
  • Small offset spatula
  • White buttercream frosting in a decorating bag fitted with #809 tip
  • Black royal icing in a decorating bag fitted with #2 tip

Let’s get started!

  1. Preheat oven to 350°F.
  2. In a medium bowl, mix together flour, baking powder, and salt.
  3. In a large bowl, beat together butter and sugar until light and fluffy.
  4. Add eggs one at a time, mixing between each addition.
  5. Beat in honey and vanilla extract until well combined.
  6. On low speed, alternate adding the flour mixture and the milk mixture to the butter mixture, beginning and ending with the flour mmixture.
  7. Scoop batter into lined cupcake trays and bake for 18 minutes.

Time to decorate!

  1. Use a #809 tip to pipe a dome of white buttercream frosting on top of each cupcake.
  2. Dip 8 of the cupcakes into white sanding sugar and the other 4 into brown sanding sugar.
  3. Place black jelly beans in the center of each cupcake - these will be the noses.
  4. Place black, white, or browncandy melts on each cupcake according to which bear it represents.
  5. Use black royal icing with a #2 tip to pipe details on the faces.
  6. TaDa! These honey flavored cupcakes are BEARy good!
A babylarry’s journey through classics

I celebrated my one year directionversary a month ago. I’ve loved being in this fandom and being a larry but I realized something very important: I haven’t read enough of the classic fics. I think I’ve read like three. 

SO! This is my list of classic fics (compiled from several sources and friends) that I’m going to slowly start working my way through. As I read them, I’ll come back and update the post. My plan is to basically work my way down the list so if you want to read along, I’d love the company!

1. Escapade by dolce_piccante

2. The Dead of July by whimsicule 

3. Jump Before We Fall by green_feelings

4. Red Brick Heart by hazmesentir

5. Wild And Unruly by 100percentsassy, gloria_andrews

6. Love Is A Rebellious Bird by 100percentsassy, gloria_andrews

7. Young & Beautiful by Velvetoscar

8. Gods & Monsters by Velvetoscar

9. Butterfly Gun

10. Fading by tothemoonmydear

11. Wear It Like A Crown by zarah5

12. feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream by togetherwecouldbealright

13. Empty Skies by green_feelings

14. Unbelievers by isthatyoularry

15. Relief Next To Me by dolce_piccante

16. Bloodline by banana_louis

17. we are honey and the bee by soleilouis

18. Tea For Two and Two For Tea

This was completely precious. Harry and Louis were just adorable and you rooted for them from the beginning. 7/10 

19. you and me were kings by ithacas

20. Your Best Line Ever by green_feelings

Cute story. Writing distracted me though. 4/10

21. Boys of Summer by sharktoothedfawnskinned

22. Hold My Breath by zarah5

23. Three French Hems by 100percentsassy, gloria_andrews

24. all my love was down in a frozen ground by navigator

25. My English Love Affair by isthatyoularry

26. Counting The Steps Between Us by zarah5

27. Into The Blue by zarah5

28. Dreaming of You by Velvetoscar

29. You’ll Breathe Me In (You Won’t Release) by LoadedGunn

30. Sing When You’re Winning by hazmesentir

31. Battle Cry by Velvetoscar

32. Common by Cori Lannam (corilannam)

33. Tug-of-War by cherrystreet

34. i’m a moon at midnight by loube

Short, sweet, and perfectly encompassing of those new-relationships feels. 7/10

35. Eight Cakes and Two Eulogies (Make a Happy Marriage) by yesllliam

36. Nicotine by KrisStylinson

Bad boy Harry and good boy Louis. Good lord. This one had me swooning and sweating. 6/10

37. May We Stay Lost On Our Way Home by LoadedGunn

38. And Then a Bit by infinitelymint

The story that made me a Larry. I owe everything I do and will do in this fandom to this story. They are the Harry and Louis that inspired me to write. 10/10

39. These Inconvenient Fireworks

The classic of classics. I loved it and I love it more for how much it influenced the fandom’s fics. 8/10

40. Pull Me Under by zarah5

Just gorgeous. I had this fic in my head for days afterwards. 8/10

41. In Vogue by otpwhatever

42. Pretty Boy by harryandlouisandpuppies

43. Your Name Is Tattooed On My Heart by mcpofife

44. a grocery list pinned to blue by dangerbearsFandoms:

45. If Tomorrow Never Comes (We Had Last Night) by FallingLikeThis, Rearviewdreamer

46. never shut us down by togetherwecouldbealright

47. like a timebomb ticking by infinitelymint

48. take my hand (and my heart and soul) by bananasandboots

49. Give Me Truths by iwillpaintasongforlou

Definitely one of my favs. Punk Louis… need I say more? 9/10

50. we’ll play hide and seek to turn this around (give me love like never before) by Wankerville (and really, the whole Strawberry Milk series)

One of the most influential fics for me personally. 10/10

51. burn to ash by bethaboo

52. I need home (our tangled bones) by togetherwecouldbealright

53. Hiding Place by alivingfireFandoms:

54. Swim In The Smoke by whoknows

Sexy, sexy, sexy. 5/10

55. So Much We Didn’t Say by whyidontknow1

56. 210 Days by cherrystreet

57. The Last Something That Meant Anything by jaded25Fandoms:

58. the wonderlands by stylinsoncity

Wonderful, beautiful storytelling. 7/10

also that all hail king julien show is genuinely weird as shit. like i watched most of it with my brother over the summer and like. bizarre mix of toilet humor with really weird adult shit, and also WEIRD amount of running plotlines that stay consistent througout the show.

but yeah theyre like… genuinely doing this running foot fetish gag with mort like not just in the ‘tumblr “haha is this vore” about anything to do with eating’ way but like Really. they really go there and they go for it hard and in every fucking episode. and yeah there is a running thing with the villain having a cockroach as his friend and its like constantly Heavily implied theyre a couple like someone on the madagascar wiki felt the need to point that out

and i cant tell if its like a homophobic joke or just more batshit stupid or probably just both, actually theres a lot of gay jokes its uncomfortable

and also there was an episode that was like an analogy for gun control immediately followed by an episode that was definitely referencing trump and the wall which was REALLY uncomfortable, so like yeah theyre really milking this whole madagascar thing in weird ways

☕ Cinnamon Chai Mocha Spell ☕️

A perfect tea spell for the fall season! This recipe can be used to attract prosperity. It can also promote inner reflection and grounding

In a pan heat up a cup of whole milk and 2-3 tablespoons melting chocolate. Once heated and stirred together, pour into a mug with a chai tea bag or loose chai tea in a strainer. Add a teaspoon of honey and shake cinnamon over the top to finish it off.

Bonus: put the contents in a milk frother and give in a soft foamy texture!

🥛 Healing milk bath 🥛

Relax and wash away the negativity in this softening, minty milk bath! If you have any aches or pains then the mint should be able to relax your body a little bit as well!

🥛  What you need  🥛
- 1 cup whole milk (or milk alternative - soy would be next best)
- 2-3 drops of peppermint essential oil
- a few fresh mint leaves (optional)
- Unscented liquid bubble bath (optional)
- Mint tea (optional)

🥛  Method  🥛

If you’re using bubble bath then add this first, then add your milk and your peppermint oil. When your bath has run you can sprinkle a few fresh mint leaves over the top for added minty goodness!

Stay in the bath for as long as you want to, think about washing away what you need healing while you bathe. If you have tea then absolutely think of your intent while you drink it as well!

Happy bathing  🥛

Candy Corn Pizza

Yields 1 large pizza

The things you’ll need

  • 1 package active dry yeast
  • 1 ½ teaspoons sugar
  • 1 cup warm water
  • 2 ½ cups bread flour
  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
  • ½ teaspoon garlic powder
  • ¼ teaspoon onion powder
  • 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
  • 1 cup whole milk
  • ¼ cup shredded parmesan cheese
  • Salt and pepper to taste
  • Finely shredded mozzarella cheese
  • Finely shredded mild cheddar cheese
  • Finely shredded sharp cheddar cheese
  • Large mixing bowl
  • Medium mixing bowl
  • Wooden spoon
  • Olive oil
  • Small mixing bowl
  • Medium pan
  • Whisk
  • Small fork
  • Rolling pin
  • Rubber spatula
  • Pizza pan
  • Clean kitchen towel

Let’s get started!

  1. Preheat oven to 450°F.
  2. In a mediumm bowl, whisk and dissolve yeast and sugar in warm water. Let stand until foamy and creamy, about 10 minutes.
  3. Stir in half of the flour, oil, and salt. Add in remaining flour and then knead until smooth. Place into a clean greased bowl and cover with a kitchen towel.
  4. To make sauce, whisk together flour, garlic, and onion powder. Melt butter in a pan over medium heat. Whisk in flour mixture until paste forms. Slowly pour in milk while continually whisking until thickened. Remove from heat and stir in parmesan. Add salt and pepper to taste.
  5. Place dough onto a lightly floured surface and pat or roll into a large circle.
  6. Transfer dough to a lightly greased pizza pan. Prick the surface all over with a fork and bake at 450°F for 5 minutes.
  7. Remove from oven and cover dough with a thin layer of sauce. Top with cheeses in a candy corn pattern: mozzarella in the center, mild cheddar in the middle, and sharp cheddar on the outer edge.
  8. Bake again at 350°F for 8 to 10 minutes.
  9. TaDa! Get corny this Hallowee with this Candy Corn Pizza!

A conversation with my Mistress on Skype got me a little curious about that…

M: im going to feed MooKitty some milk from a bottle.
k: better be whole milk or Kirkland soy.
M: i can do that

M: so would MooKitty’s milk be considered whole milk? XD
k: i think its more trans fat milk.
M: lol

Yes! I know… trans fats are Baaaaad!!!… but just this one time… plz!?!?

Game of Thrones Ice and Fire Cupcakes

Yields 12 Ice (Vanilla Mint) and 18 Fire (Cinnamon)

The things you’ll need

Ice Cupcakes

  • 1 ¼ cups all purpose flour
  • 1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
  • ¼ teaspoon salt
  • ½ cup butter, softened
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla bean
  • 1 teaspoon peppermint extract
  • 1/3 cup milk
  • Light blue frosting in a decorating bag fitted with #809 tip
  • Blue and clear rock candy
  • Medium mixing bowl
  • Large mixing bowl
  • Rubber spatula
  • Whisk
  • Hand mixer with attachments
  • Cupcake tray with liners
  • Blue cupcake wrappers
  • Small offset spatula
  • Plastic zipper bags

Fire Cupcakes

  • 2 cups cake flour
  • 2 teaspoons baking powder
  • ¼ teaspoon kosher salt
  • ½ cup butter
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 2 teaspoons cinnamon extract
  • 2 eggs
  • ½ cup whole milk
  • 1/3 cup cinnamon candies (Red Hots)
  • Orange and red frosting in a decorating bag fitted with #2D tip
  • Medium mixing bowl
  • Large mixing bowl
  • Rubber spatula
  • Whisk
  • Hand mixer with attachments
  • Cupcake tray with liners
  • Red cupcake wrappers
  • Spoon

Ice Cupcakes

Let’s get started!

  1. Preheat oven to 350ºF.
  2. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt.
  3. In a large bowl, beat together butter and sugar until light and fluffy.
  4. Beat in eggs one at a time, scraping down the sides of the bowl after each addition. Mix in vanilla bean and peppermint extract.
  5. On low speed, alternate adding the dry ingredients and milk, starting and ending with the dry ingredients.
  6. Scoop the batter into a cupcake tray and bake for 12 to 15 minutes.

Time to decorate!

  1. Assemble blue cupcake wrappers and then place each cupcake into a wrapper.
  2. Place rock candy into a plastic zipper bag and then use a rolling pin to crush the candy off its stick.
  3. Use a #809 tip to pipe a bulb of light blue frosting on top of each cupcake.
  4. Use an offset spatula to create a dam for the rock candy and then place crushed rock candy into the dam.

Fire Cupcakes

Let’s get started!

  1. Preheat oven to 350ºF.
  2. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt.
  3. In a large bowl, beat together butter and sugar until light and fluffy.
  4. Beat in eggs one at a time, scraping down the sides of the bowl after each addition. Mix in cinnamon extract.
  5. On low speed, alternate adding the dry ingredients and milk, starting and ending with the dry ingredients. Fold in cinnamon candies.
  6. Scoop the batter into a cupcake tray and bake for 12 to 15 minutes.

Time to decorate!

  1. Assemble red cupcake wrappers and then place each cupcake into a wrapper.
  2. Use a spoon to spread a layer of orange frsoting into a decorating bag fitted with a #2D tip. Add red frosting to the rest of the bag so that orange is just an accent.
  3. Once cupcakes have cooled completely, pipe “flames” onto the tops of each.
  4. TaDa! These Ice and Fire Cupcakes make an epic treat for a Game of Thrones party!

I want to share my super-quick protein mug cake dinner with you!

You’ll need:

  • 1 cat (or more)*
  • 1 banana, mashed (I never wait for them to fully ripe, but you can)
  • 1 whole egg
  • 2 tbsp milk (I use soy/coconut/almond, whatever I have)
  • 1 scoop (25g) protein powder (I use whey, vanilla flavoured, doesn’t get gummy texture)
  • 1 tbsp chia seed
  • 1 tsp cocoa powder (or skip, I don’t wanna tell you how to live your life, this is just what I do)
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • cinnamon, vanilla/chocolate extract

Mix everything together, pour into a BIG greased mug and microwave for 2,5 minutes (put the mug on a paper towel just in case it overflows - easier cleaning).

And what’s that squishy yellow stuff on top? My mom’s homemade pear jam.

*Chef’s note: you can do it without cat(s), but it won’t be as tasty.

Kcal: 358, carbs: 41 g, fat: 12 g, protein: 30 g, sugar 19 g (without the jam).