whole lotta woman

The Best 300 gp Ever Spent

Here’s the story about the noodle incident at the very end of this story, as written by the paladin’s player himself: https://yourplayersaidwhat.tumblr.com/post/159992078033/the-uniting-power-of-love-triangles-midlife-dance 

The specific event involves an egotistical human paladin who believes himself to be a literal dragon (specifically, the Chinese noodle variety), a very saucy halfling weapons merchant, and a magical glaive-guisarme that the paladin absolutely HAD to have, but didn’t have enough money to buy on his own, so a deal was struck between him and the merchant. 

The halfling happened to be incredibly amorous, but he refused to do anything unbecoming (Editor’s Note: and since he was pretty thick in the head, it took him a while to get she was flirting to begin with). In the end, the paladin agreed to take the halfling dancing in exchange for a discount. (Ed: The rogue had to buy a thieves’ ring on top of masterwork tools for this deal to get off the ground. Best 300 gp ever spent.) After the odd pair made their way to a grand dance hall in the center of town (the same one Midlife Dance Crisis took place), they stared each other in the eyes. They each intended to walk away from this encounter not as acquaintances, but as victors.) 

Draco-Paladin: “I will defeat you.”  

Saucy Halfling: “Oh yeah, talk dirty to me!” 

(What many would consider to be a recreational activity was a contest of prowess in the eyes of these two opposing forces. The time came for performance checks to be made. I had planned in advance what would occur based on what roll I got, and wouldn’t you know it…) 

Draco-Paladin’s Player: (rolls a 1) 

He picks up the halfling and flings her under his arms, around his waist and over his shoulders like a pair of nunchucks. Entire Party:

(Bellowing laughter)

Rogue’s Player: God damn, dude, that escalated FAST! 

Summoner’s Player: Allow me to show you the dance of my people! 

Medium’s Player: Dragons are used to tossing around smaller creatures for fun, don'tcha know! 

DM: The halfling is having more fun than she’s ever had in her entire life. And she’s had a LOT of lovers. 

In the end, the paladin got his discount, and he entered a vitriolic will-they-or-won’t-they relationship with a halfling who, in spite of her diminutive size, turned out to be a whole lotta woman. Sometimes a natural 1 can be better than a 20.

Happy Friday everyone! I hope your week was amazing. If it wasn’t so awesome, here is a bunch of lovely fics written by some incredible writers.

  If you would like your fics to be featured on fanfic friday, please tag me in your fics so I can read it. I’m trying my best to give feedback to each fic I am tagged in. If I haven’t liked your fic wishing 48 hours, then I didn’t get the notification.

Here we go!

Keep reading

Thank you so much to everyone who participated! 

Dean

Checking In by @jpadjackles
Guns for Hire by @jotink78
Same Road, Same Destination by @moonlitskinwalker
Girl’s Got Rhythm* by @frenchybell
Dynamite by @dauntlessdiva
Black In Black - Part One (Demon!Dean) by @supernaturallymarvellous
The Invisible One by @redlipstickandplaid
Hell Ain’t a Bad Place To Be by @building-palaces-from-paragraphs
Fire Your Guns* by @babypieandwhiskey
Hell Ain’t A Bad Place To Be by @too-much-winchester
Mysterious Man* by @mamaredd123
Always* by @winchestersnco

Sam

Introduction: Reader by @idreamofhazel
Red Hot And Wired* by @anotherwinchesterfangirl
Whole Lotta Woman* by @blushingsamgirl
Final Goodbye by @growningupgeek
Back In Black by @destiel-addict-forever
Sing Samantha. Sing. by @fangirl-faye

Gen

Dreaming of Thunderstruck by @jaycc7983


*contains smut