whoiam

I’m not an easy person to be with.
I know that.
I probably won’t even try to make it easy for you.
I’ll be really difficult at times.
It may seem like, at times,
I don’t want you,
or I don’t like you,
but I do.
I’ll be a challenge, because
I’m not the type of person people walk all over.
Not anymore.
I’m not the person who puts up with bullshit.
I’m not the person who would give you the best sympathy comments.
When i say something,
i mean it.
If people are assholes to me for no reason,
i throw them out of my life.
I’m annoying.
I try to be funny.
I’m the world’s biggest jerk.
I’ll make you want to scream and punch walls;
i’ll ruin your day and save it at the very last minute.
I’ll drive you crazy and sometimes,
you’ll hate my guts.
But even though all that is gonna happen,
and i swear it will,
i have an amazing side to me,
i do.
I have a giant heart and i’ll always be there when you need me.
Eventhough my life is impossibly knotted i’ll try and untangle yours by actually listening.
And i won’t stop caring about you,
even if you push me away.
So that’s me whether you like it or you don’t,
i can’t change me.
—  me

Dear tummy,
This is my letter of apology.
You are not as pretty as you used to be.
You are no longer flat or smooth or firm.
You have a line running down your center, you’ve grown hair where you never have before and to be perfectly honest, you kind of jiggle sometimes.
No, you are not as pretty as you used to be.
But you are his favorite place to rest his head and his favorite place to climb. He cuddles into you when he needs some warmth and he runs his tiny palms across your scarred surface. And it was inside you that he grew for nine months.
And so, I want to say sorry.
Sorry that I frown when I look at you in the mirror and constantly try to find clothes that will cover you up. Sorry that I spend too much time thinking about ways to make you prettier.
And thank you. Thank you for being everything that you are.
I promise I’ll be nicer.
Love,
Tori