whoa i actually like this one

Does mod g have a crush? who the hell knows

I feel like Lance is the type of person that when he actually dates someone it could go one of two ways

One, where he drops all flirting and is so amazed he even caught someone that like hes all over them and almost overbearing. He doesnt even notice hes stopped flirting with others hes just doting like hell over his new bae constantly like “you cold? Heres my jacket. Our hands? Held. Thirsty? i gotcha babe.”

Or secondly, where he still flirts with like everyone bc its just in his personality, but the second anyone ever tries to flirt back he backtracks like “whoa i gotta stop you there okay i am in a COMMITED RELATIONSHIP. Lance Mcclain is Mcclaimed alright buddy now back off.”

more au ideas no one asked for
  • “you’re super short and i’m sorry but it’s really really cute whenever you try to reach that book on the top shelf here lemme help you- oh no don’t be embarrassed, your face is all red and you’re even more adorable now i am going to die” au
  • “i’m a biker and one day i was biking in your neighborhood while you just happened to be outside watering the plants and since you’re so goddamn cute i accidentally steered into a pole and now you’re giving me first aid (holy shit you’re even cuter up close)” au
    • “you’re biking through my neighborhood and you ran into a pole so now i’m really concerned and patching you up, oh my gosh you’re really hot even though you have a bloody nose” au
  • “i’m at a karaoke bar and i’m sober enough to realize that your voice singing my absolute favorite song is the most beautiful thing i’ve ever heard, and you caught me staring and winked at me oh shit” au
  • “you fell asleep on my shoulder on the plane ride and i would ask you to move but you look so comfy and adorable when you sleep. also you smell really good and the feeling of your breath on my skin is somewhat relaxing, maybe we can go out to lunch in this shitty airport when you wake up?” au
  • “you’re so perfect and i’m in love with you but i’ve never actually met you and you keep avoiding meeting up, so i called nev and max to help me figure out whether or not you’re catfishing me” au
    • “whoa it turns out you were actually just super shy and you’re even cuter in person pls kiss me in front of all these cameras” au to followup with that
  • “i’m a quiktrip worker and whenever I work a night shift, you always arrive and buy like 3 cans of redbull and you look exhausted, do you need some help? are you okay?” au
  • “you invited me to your brother’s/sister’s wedding as a plus one bc we’re hella best friends but we end up making out at the afterparty and now everyone thinks we’re fucking so uh,, u wanna go out for a drink sometime? try this whole couple thing out?” au
  • “my sister tried to set me up with her friend but little does she know that i am hella gay and i end up falling in love with her smoking hot brother, and whenever i hang at her place we always tell my sister that it’s for a date when really she’s now just trying to set me up with her brother” au
    • (this can be tweaked in any way to fit your otp :p)
  • “i’m one of those talk show stars that walks up to random people on the streets and asks them really obscure questions, and you’re really cute and camera shy and i’m sorry but it’s adorable how you stutter when you’re nervous, uh, perhaps when there aren’t so many cameras surrounding me i can buy you a drink?” au
    • “you just came up to me on the street and asked where the weirdest place i had sex was and i’m assuming it’s for one of those talk show things, but i’m really nervous because you’re really really hot in that suit holy shit” au
  • “will you stop flirting with me you just got seriously injured and i’m the EMT trying to tend to your wounds in the ambulance, i don’t give a fuck that i look cute when i’m concerned, you’re lucky you’re not dead you dipshit” au
  • “my mom/sister/dad/brother/best friend doesn’t know we’re dating but one day he/she/they walked in on us making out and started cheering oh my god this is so embarrassing i’m so sorry” au
  • “you have fire powers and i have ice powers and one day you save my ass and even though we’re supposed to be rivals, you’re actually really really cute and warm can i just stay in your arms forever bc i am perpetually cold” au
    • “you have ice powers and i have fire powers and i save your sorry ass from getting hurt/killed, okay i know we’re supposed to be rivals according to every legend ever but you’re adorable and wow you’re really cold, would you like me to warm you up?” au
  • “i’m so sorry i’ve been stowing away on your ship but i’m lonely and tired and starving with nowhere to go so please take pity on my poor soul bc you’re the sweetest pirate i have ever met and since we’re in the middle of the ocean now there’s no way you’re taking me back to land anytime soon” au
    • “i would be furious at you for stowing away on my ship if it weren’t for the fact that you look really sick and sad can i help you” au
  • “dude why did that siren take on my image to try and seduce you, is there something you wanna tell me” au
  • “I’m an elf with really bad aim so while hunting i accidentally shot you in the shoulder with an arrow i’m so sorry can i make it up to you in any way? oh shit you’re a wizard, please don’t turn me into a frog i’ll do anything you want me to” au
  • “we’re coworkers and all the other employees ship us so just for fun we all go out clubbing/to a bar but little do we know its actually a plot they set up to get us to realize our supposed love for each other. wait you’re actually a really good dancer and your laugh is so endearing and, holy shit, maybe our colleagues were right” au
  • “i catch you at the bus terminal shivering your ass off because it’s 30 degrees and for some godforsaken reason you’re wearing a short sleeve t shirt, so out of pity i lend you my hoodie and you look so surprised it’s the cutest thing i’ve ever seen, setting aside the fact that you’re a goddamn idiot, do you want to get sick?” au
    • (cont.) “you look so sad and cold that i just tell you to keep my hoodie b/c you obviously need it more than i do. a week later i see you at a coffee shop/book store/etc. and you’re wearing my hoodie which you look so fucking tiny and cute in, and you just saw me and you look super embarrassed; you offer me it back but i tell you it suits you more and we end up talking and i buy you a drink” au
  • “we’re partners in cupcake wars and i never realized how cute you look with frosting on your face until now but no distractions, we have to fucking pummel these other teams because we are the best goddamn cupcake company in the universe WE CAN DO THIS” au
  • “i’m swimming laps in a lake alone at night and i thought no one else was here but i just swam right into you and uh?? you’re not wearing a shirt and you’re hot as hell pl ease take me right here” au
  • “i took you to my family’s lakehouse and we went jetskiing which you were so adorably excited about b/c you’ve never been, and when we drove around on the water at ungodly speeds u held onto me b/c there was nothing else to hold onto” au
  • “my friends dared me to buy 20 condoms but i didn’t realize that the cute cashier would be working tonight so i avoided eye contact as i piled them onto the counter and please stop laughing so hard, oh my god it’s for a dare okay i’ve never had sex in my life and once you stopped laughing, i swear i fell in love with that sparkle in your eye as you grinned wildly at me and asked me out for a drink” au
  • “i accidentally called the wrong skype number and it turns out the person i called was you and you’re in a different time zone, so it’s 3am where you are and you just woke up and look fucking pissed but you’re cute so… let’s do this again when you’re not asleep. i’m more than willing to stay up into the dead of night to talk to you” au
  • “i’m a radio host who indirectly mentions you and flirts with you on my show but you’re so goddamn clueless, please just notice me i’m so desperate for you it’s kind of sad (see: welcome to night vale)” au
Criminal Minds characters as things my friends have said

Reid: “The only way I can improve my life is by dying at the hands of a dictionary.”

Hotch: “If I ever get shot I’ll just take some Ibuprofen.”

Morgan: “I heard about these two bros who got married to get, like, that tax break. But one guy didn’t say ‘no homo,’ and the other was like, ‘whoa, dude, am I married to a gay guy?’”

Garcia: “I throw peace glitter all the time.”

JJ: “Don’t you crunch suggestively at me, young lady.”

Rossi: “He’s so little. It makes the Italian grandmother in me want to feed him so much lasagna.”

Prentiss: “This coffee is too hot. That’s homophobic.”

anonymous asked:

Sebastian, Claude, William, Grell, & Undertaker realize they are in love with their shy, pure and sweet human friend who is open-minded and non-judgemental since they're slow at everything and has no talent that is known so they know how is like to be judged unfairly?

I’m sorry this is a bit late, I have been a little tied up lately! In an effort to show my gratitude of your ask and my apologies of the lateness, I made these super freaking long lolol

-Admin Robin


Sebastian:

  • Ok whoa whoa whoa, wait a fuckin lil minute
  • Demon royalty??? Liking….A human? Yikes
  • He acknowledges the fact that he holds a certain admiration for his human friend, but he thought It was just because they intrigued him and peaked his interest
  • But like, shit, the way it happened was so fuckin cute watch this
  • It was one of those rare occasions where Ciel was working on paperwork and didn’t need him to do anything, and the servants were actually doin good, so he took you out into the garden and set out a lil picnic (because mortals like those, right??) and was just chilling under the shade with them and he looked over to them as they rambled on about something they thought was beautiful, and their theories about the universe and reincarnation and stuff that a mere mortal should not really worry about
  • And he just thought that it was so amazing, the way somehow their eyes shined even in the shadow of the shade, and he absolutely adored that passionate gleam in their eye when they talked and he just
  • Fuck he was so enraptured by them which is weird as hell because 1) he was 100% down for toying with/eating humans so wtf and 2) HE WASn’t eVEN supposED TO BE CORDIAL WITH otheR HUMANS LET ALONE FAL L FOR ONE
  • He freaks out and excuses himself, and goes to his master’s study, knocking and once he’s got one foot in the door is just like
  • “Young Master, I think (Name) has made me ill and I’m not sure how to respond to the way my body is reacting,”
  • And Ciel knows EXACTLY what’s up and is like “dear lord, get out of my office,”
  • He would try to distance himself as much as possible but fails miserably in the end
  • Admires how you are so laid back and calm and just a ‘go-with-the-flow’ kinda person
  • Once he tells you about his feelings, and the contract, he is so floored when you’re just like, “Oh, so you’re a demon? That’s cool; do you wanna make some pound cake?”
  • You teach him how to be gentle with humans and he adores how intently you listen to his stories of his many years of life
  • Loves you
  • “My, my, you’re quite the sight in that dress, my (lady/lord),” “Oh? This? I made this out of the drapes of my room, but thank you, Sebastian,”
  • Gets protective if anyone/anything tries any shit
  • When you tell him about how you view yourself his eyes flash and he pulls you to him
  • “Someone is putting that vile rubbish in your head -who? I demand to know,” and kisses the top of your head

Claude:

  • At first he denies it completely, thinking that you’re just a fun toy and nice smelling soul
  • But then he sees you in your nightgown/sleeping attire and just kinda loses it in his mind
  • He is a predator, so he doesn’t really have emotions, so he thinks, so he deems what he’s feeling as hunger and protectiveness of his meal
  • But then he finds himself letting his gaze linger on you and he studies the way you move and he makes you food and makes sure you’re comfortable and he does not allow Hannah or the Triplets to serve you because he’s that protective lmao
  • Absolutely not you are not allowed to leave his sight because there is a chance that you’re either in danger or in the hands of some other demon
  • Likes to have you beside him chatting his ear off about anything and everything all the time, whether he’s doing the dishes, playing piano, cooking, doing errands for Alios, etc
  • Alios gets very jealous of you, so if he orders Claude away from you out of spite, the demon will still find some sort of contact with you
  • “Miss/Mister (Name), might I interest you in some (favorite drink)? I hear that it is pleasing to the tongue,” *cue weird claude glasses glint thing*
  • If you like to go out on the roof at night to stargaze, he will go with you solely based on the excuse that you might get yourself hurt, and he doesn’t want to trouble himself with the time of cleaning up the mess you’d make if you fell to the ground
  • Will 100% leave his scent on you and dwells within the shadows of your room at night to watch over you
  • Gross but loving in his own way

Grell:

  • They’re so excited!
  • They’re all “Oh forsure this shit is gonna be legendary”
  • Once they are totally comfortable with you, they’ll come clean and tell you that they’re a reaper, and that they kinda harvest souls
  • It was a super big risk for them, and they didn’t want to scare you off, but they trusted you
  • So, it all started as a harmless friendship, and then one day you were all “Grell, I think that you should get a raise, you’re always working so hard! If I had half a mind, I’d go to your boss myself and demand that you are given rewards and so much gratitude that you could drown in it”
  • “And also, you look very lovely in the color red,”
  • And boom, they’ve lost it, they’re fuckin hooked
  • Like the combination of your laid back personality, and they think you’re stunning as frick, and they’re just so enticed by you idk
  • Really bothers them that you don’t put yourself on a pedestal, because they think you more than belong there
  • Tries very hard to make sure that you know you are extraordinary and one of a kind
  • Thinks you possess many talents, and tries to emphasize on them
  • Not-so-subtle flirting and courting
  • Doesn’t really gather up the courage to court you until you make a huge move
  • You are allowed to admire their death scythe, but not touch it, because that’s a risk of you getting hurt
  • Loves you more than Bassy, much to Sebastian’s relief

William:

  • What the fuck
  • Feelings? Ew. Romantic feelings? Absurd. Towards a Human? Bro u smokin
  • Seriously though, he has zero experiences with romance, so he doesn’t really know what to do poor bb
  • Flushes around you a lot (his glasses do the thing where they fog up lmao)
  • Is super duper strict with you, but like it’s cute because he’ll be all “(Name), that was uncalled for and reckless, you could have gotten yourself killed,” (You: But Will I just almost tripped over a stair-)
  • And he gently takes your face in his gloved hands, his gaze softening and his voice dropping, “But are you okay? Did you obtain any injuries?”
  • Is a closet softie shut up
  • Studies you from afar and burns the images of you into his mind
  • You really help him de-stress, so he likes you around his office
  • Shares as much details with you as possible without giving away too much information that will get you hurt
  • So protective like it’s sickening
  • Thinks taking his hand and rubbing soothing circles on your thigh to calm himself down is platonic but it kinda isn’t so you blush
  • “(Name), why is your face red? Is my office too warm for you?”
  • “Mortals are such peculiar creatures”
  • If Ronald or some other reaper flirts with you they get copious amounts of overtime haha fuckers
  • William always wins
  • Gets a little annoyed when he finds out how lowly you think of yourself and is constantly reminding you that if you’re good enough for him to not only befriend but to also harbor feelings for, then you are the best of them
  • His heart stops when he sees your name on the “To Die List”
  • Im srry

Undertaker:

  • This Meme Reaper™ is your best friend before he even considers you to be a possible partner
  • You hang around his shop and cook and help decorate and tell jokes and he is deff hooked
  • He thinks you’re prettier than the corpses he dresses up so like don’t ever tell him that you think your looks are average again
  • Actually kinda gets sad when you tell him about how little you think of yourself
  • “Now now, Dearie, I won’t be having any of that rubbish,”
  • Is like that weird uncle you can get shit-faced with and that has his weed stashed in his closet in the back but he’s super good company, especially if you’re feeling down
  • You brushed back his bangs once and was met with gorgeous yellow-green eyes and a scar that ran across his entire face
  • And like he was kinda scared that you were gonna be all “Ew gross why are your eyes like that” or “FUCK your face dude what the hell happened”
  • But instead you just smiled and said: “Your eyes are so unique! And I have scars too, do you want to count them? Each of them has a back story,”
  • And he loves your personality and they way you blend in with your surroundings
  • He loves seeing you comfortable and he kicks you out of the shop with an excuse (like he needs more tea or more flour) when he has company come, especially Phantomhive and his damn butler
  • Actually pulled his scythe on Sebastian one time because of how overly-friendly he was being
  • His voice instantly dropped and his hat was off and his bangs were pushed to the side, his eyes blazing
  • “It would be greatly appreciated if you were to mind yourself around my (Name),” and he would side-glance a flabbergasted Ciel and say, “That is all the help I can provide. If you’ll excuse me, I believe it is high time for you to show yourselves out; the shop is closed for today”
  • Your dick: out
  • He is too clingy and apologizes after they leave
  • You mean so much to him
My Girl

Author: Juju

Warnings: fluffy fluff, and hints that reader is bi??? could be ignored tho

Summary: All the questions are about you in a live stream and Shawn couldn’t be happier.

Word Count: 1.2k

A/N: I don’t really like this but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but if you like it, send me your favorite line from this fic.

Masterlist


You were sitting in Shawn’s dressing room, enjoying the peace and quiet before the show. 

He was currently doing a live stream for his perfume launch. You would usually tag along and stay behind the cameras during interviews But not tonight. You decided to be lazy and have a little nap. 

Maybe that wasn’t the best choice.

Keep reading

Literally how I became happy.

A lot of you guys are always concerned about me because the more that I share, the more you realize I’m a real person with struggles and issues and I’m not 100% okay 100% of the time haha so I just wanna give an update and share some insight on how I’ve been doing and what I’ve been working on.
The hair cut is the visible part. The change is sooooo real. I look like a different person but I seriously FEEL like one. Surface changes: I live in Tennessee. I have short blonde hair. I’ve now dated two guys that I actually loved. I own a house and a car. Before, I lived in California, I had freaking long brown hair, I shared a mini van with four other people, I’d never been on a date and truly questioned whether I’d ever meet anyone that liked me for who I was, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life past like two years into the future and I felt like I would live with my parents forever. So a lot of big things have changed but honestly the biggest changes happened inside with less visible results. You can only see it in my smile and hear it in my words. But really you’ll see it in my actions over the next 12 months. It’s just the beginning.
I honestly don’t know where it came from. The last six years I have been so passive. My life has been happening to me. There have been some breakthrough moments where I learned a lot about myself and my confidence and self love, yes. I had some good times for sure. But as far as knowing what I want and where I wanna go, I was not good at that. I felt SO powerless and began to withdraw more and more, in my friendships, my career, our band, my family, everything. I shared so little each day, I had so few ideas, I didn’t create much, I only wrote when I was really upset or inspired (which wasn’t that often), I had no social life, no vision for myself, no confidence that anyone would ever love me and I just wasn’t living a rich life at all. I was an observer hoping that one day someone or something would come along and make my life actually enjoyable. I was constantly waiting. I journaled a lot and released a lot of emotion, that part was good. I just felt like I was living in a cave, stuck in the past, not doing much each day to actually experience life.
Then we moved across the country. *shock* *panic* *whoa*. That was the first time I was really shaken up.
Then I had my heart broken. Twice. I fell in love and both times it didn’t work out. I NEEDED that, to meet people who actually got me and appreciated my personality and loved all my quirks and my strange mind and how childlike I am. For the first time I felt understood. I wouldn’t change a thing. I was so closed off for so long and suddenly I was ripped open. Someone was asking for my time and attention and I had to give it to them. I was so scared but I really wanted to experience that side of life so I had to let those people see me and experience who I was. It was so good for me omg. I felt like my heart was shriveled and frozen before that, it had seen the sun maybe three times, but once that happened it absolutely bloomed. Not everyone has to fall in love to open their heart but for me that’s how it happened.
Anyway it was really intense and pushed me to the edge, dealing with that loss. I cut off all my hair. I just had enough. I was so drained. I had felt so vulnerable throughout my dating experiences, such a long period of trusting and hoping after so many years of doing the opposite, I guess I became a little over exposed. I pictured myself feeling tough and strong after a particularly intense weekend of fighting and I saw myself with no hair. It was kind of a crazy idea at first but it turned into a real desire. After a few days of thinking it over, I took the plunge.
What. A. Rush.
Suddenly I just wanted to feel alive. I went a little overboard but I did so many things. Concerts, road trips, bonfires, social plans nonstop, shopping, reinventing my style… I was really hurting during this time and I just wanted to feel better. I don’t regret doing so much but I’m glad I came down after a month and examined myself. I realized how much I was hurting and I faced it. I felt scared, hurt, abandoned, broken and vulnerable but it was comforting to identify that. Once you face it, you can feel it, release it and eventually let it go.
In October I realized I wanted more. I actually had dreams. Cutting my hair showed me I could have an idea, see it through and that it could actually go well! I wanted that on a bigger scale. I started writing again, all the time. I took an interest in my appearance again. Before, I just wanted people to think I’m pretty. Of course I still do but now it’s so much more than that. It actually is for me. When my outfit/makeup/overall look matches my mood, I feel so much more confident, comfortable with myself and ready to take on the day. Even in my work out clothes, I always try to coordinate them now and make them feel good because I know I just do more with my day when I feel confident and ready to put myself out there. You don’t need to look perfect AT ALL, in fact sometimes that can cause more stress because it puts more pressure on you. Just take the time to put yourself together and feel GOOD about what you’re wearing each day. It seriously makes a huge difference. And especially DO NOT wear anything that makes you feel bad. GET RID OF IT!!!! All your clothes should make you feel cute in some way.
Idk how this happened but I kind of just realized nothing is a big deal. The way I used to live, EVERYTHING was a HUGE deal. Texting a guy? Leaving the house? Spending 30 dollars? Calling someone first? All terrifying things I dreaded and avoided at all costs. I had to work through so much INTENSE anxiety when I first started dating, it was really sad how much that freaked me out and how much I had to work through just to get to a point where I felt comfortable going on one date or being the object of a man’s attention. I felt so incredibly unworthy.
Anyway, maybe it was the hair cut but sometime around then I just became really bold. Right now I feel like almost nothing scares me. My biggest fear is probably trusting people that have hurt me. That’s one thing I can think of that I’m struggling with and truly terrifies me, trying to rebuild broken relationships. I’m having help working through that. Other than that, there are so few things I won’t try, won’t pursue, won’t say to someone. I am becoming more bold, confident, comfortable in my own skin and sure of myself with each passing second. I just feel GOOD. Nothing is that big of a deal! Seriously force yourself to take more risks and you’ll quickly understand what I mean. You can spend weeks, months, even years fearing things and trying to predict what will happen but once you finally do them you’ll see just how unnecessary all that stress was. Nothing is that hard, that daunting, that permanent. Heck, even tattoos can be removed these days.
I think that was the biggest change of all so far: the removal of fear. Fear used to be the gas in my tank, it absolutely fueled me. Now it’s faith. I am so ON FIRE for my life!!!!!! I have so many exciting dreams I want to pursue, so much I want to create, so many places I want to go, things I want to experience, learn, master, people I want to meet and be around….. I love it all. I decide what I want and I go after it. I look at myself in the mirror and I smile. I’m starting to look as bold and unique as I feel. The long hair was beautiful and fun and maybe one day I’ll want it back but for now, it just feels too plain for how colorful and out of the box my mind is. I always used my mind a lot but I wasn’t exploring it much before. Now that I’m embracing my unconventional brain, I just want to express that openness and share it with the world.
Also I’ve noticed I’m getting disappointed comments from traditional, conformist men I never wanted to date anyway that used to love my hair 😂 so no offense but I was never interested in you anyway, there are soooooo many long haired women in the world you can comment on that you’ll probably never even meet but i’m just one less you need to worry about hahaha. All of the bold men that liked me before just like me more now. And I think it’s because I also like myself more! Confidence attracts confidence! I’m growing into the baller I was born to be and it’s just helping me attract more ballers 😂😂
BTW THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING LONG HAIR OR A MORE SIMPLE STYLE I FULLY SUPPORT IT. YOU DONT HAVE TO LOOK LIKE A CRAZY PERSON OR LIVE A WILD UNCONVENTIONAL LIFE TO BALL OUT ON EVERYONE THATS JUST HOW I CHOOSE TO DO IT HAHA. EVERYONE IS A BALLER IN THEIR OWN WAY I EMBRACE AVERAGE LOOKING PEOPLE AND WILD LOOKING PEOPLE, AS LONG AS YOURE LIVING A LIFE YOU LOVE AND CHOOSING WHAT TRULY FULFILLS YOU!!!!!!!!!!! WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE JUST LIVE IT BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT 🙌🏼
Anyway, I feel so much more confident in myself, men or no men. It’s funny cuz I finally stopped worrying about guys and now I actually interact with them the way I always wanted to hahaha.
I no longer rely on the approval of others to get through the day. I no longer feel paralyzed by fear every morning and night. I no longer ponder whether I’m worthy of a date or not. I no longer look in the mirror and sigh. I no longer think of the future as a blurry grey blob filled with hopelessness, uncertainty and fear. I know it will be whatever I make it and I am going to make it freaking phenomenal.
That’s a huge key, putting YOURSELF in the drivers seat. Forget this message of victimization. You are the person holding yourself down but YOU can be the one to lift yourself up!!!! Wow I just got a huge craving for meat loaf and mashed potatoes. HAHAHA. Anyway, put yourself in control. Ask God for guidance. Trust that you are taken care of always because YOU ARE. Embrace yourself. Stop thinking you have to be perfect. Stop thinking you’re unlovable. Realize how cool you are and how much you have going for yourself. Jump in and try things. Stop thinking you have to be “ready”. THE LESSONS OF FAILURE ARE FAR MORE VALUABLE THAN THE PRIZES OF SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!
On that note, go kill it. Embrace yourself. Blossom. Live. Come alive. You got this 👊🏼💗

Illegal (Part 1)- Park Jimin Racer!AU

Originally posted by kpophott


Genre: Fluff/ Comedy/ Angst

Pairing: JiminxReader

Word count: 6.002k

Summary: During your staying in your grandmother’s house you meet Jimin and discover the night life that’s beyond the calm appearence of the town.


“Don’t worry about her, she is safe with me. Now go before you’re late!” Your grandma shouted from the front porch.

You could see your father face by his the reflexion on the car’s mirror. He tryed to look not affected, all tough and unbothered, but you knew best. The minute he would drive off and pass the town’s sign, he would burst into tear and start sobbing like there was no tomorrow.

It wasn’t just him who felt uneasy about this whole situation, you did too. Since your mother left you two alone, without any previous warning, that your dad had never went back to being how he was when she was still present. Now, he was always too focused on work, to the point where you would have to force him out of his office to eat or to just lay on a bed and close his eyes for a few seconds . But you didn’t judge him, though, you knew that that was the way he used to cope with the pain he felt.

It was your grandmother who convinced you to come and stay with her for a while, saying it would be for her since you two could spent more time together, and, at the same time, it would make your dad a bit more independent for when your classes at the university finally start. It sounded good to you, a nice way to clear your head from all the stress that you felt with your whole dad situation and exams, so you took her offer.

“He will be okay, he is stronger that you think he is, Y/N.” She said, caressing your arm and leading you inside, towards the kitchen.

Her house had a very nice aura to it, very cosy and bright, filled with all types of flowers everywhere. Since you grandmother loved gardening, having plants around her house and become a must.

“So, now that I get the chance to get you all to myself, how do you feel about us baking some cookies? The chocolate chips ones? Your favourite?” She asked and your stomach growled in response.

“Sounds good to me.” You laughed.

You turned on the television, to have some background noise, since it helped you to not overthink this whole situation and to not wonder way to far on your thoughts. Usually when you overthink things it would only got worse, for you that is.

Everything is going to be fine. It has to.

“Honey” Your grandma called from the kitchen, while holding up some tools and ingredients “I realized that we are missing the chocolate bits. Could you go to Mr.Crumberry’s shop and get me some of them? There are some coins on the table if you don’t have enough money.”

“Sure thing, it’s still the last shop on the left, right?” You asked, getting up from your spot on the couch and taking the coins with you. She hummed in response as you kissed her cheek and promised to come back quickly, closing the door behind you, carefully, to not make much noise.

Outside was a bit windy and not many people could be seen. The town wasn’t very big itself but, it had a lot of people around your age and a bit older too. You weren’t familiar with any of them, though, since you barely came here.

In general, you never had many friends due to the fact that you always were busy with university or taking care of your dad, by making sure that he was taking good care of himself, which left not much time to hang out with other people. The only person that you still found the time to be around was Taehyung, a guy who you had met a few years ago and apparently lived right down the street from you. You two had become friends in a strange manner, mainly because he never stopped bugging you, appearing always by your side during lunch time, making rather random visits in your house and bringing you the latest movies for the both of you to see them together. So, you decided, “if you can’t beat him, join him”.

From the minute that you introduced him to your dad, they became great friends as they both shared a passion of finding new animal species. Not the wisest decision you’ve ever made. Let’s just say that you came home one day to find a bunch of different hamsters on your couch.

You were so absorbed in your thoughts from your hometown that you didn’t even notice the small salience on the side walk, which caused you to trip. You closed your eyes, prepared to collide to the ground, but meting a softer surface instead. Someone’s chest.

“Hey there, careful” A raspy voice said. The person had his hands around your arms, securing you against him. He smelled like mint and cigarettes, and a small pinch of cinnamon.

“I’m so sorry.” You apologized, stepping back. You started to blush when you realized he still had his hands around you, and even with the small space between you two, you could still feel your heart pounding against your chest. “Are you okay?”

“I should be the one asking you that.” He said, laughing. The first thing you noticed about him was his orange hair. It was an unusual thing to see, very strange, yet he still managed to be one of the most handsome guys you have ever seen. You met his eyes, only to notice that he was already looking at you, giving you one of those smiles that were so bright that made the sun’s light look like absolutely nothing when compared to it.

“I’m Jimin, by the way. Park Jimin.” He added, noticing that you hadn’t responded.

“I’m Y/N.” You shook your head and smiled, trying to distract yourself to not stare at him.

“Well, Y/N, you are not from around here, are you?” He asked, cocking his head to the side, examining your features.

“No, actually I’m not. I’m staying here for some time, at my grandma’s. And I know that I said it before but I’m really sorry that I bumped into you. I had to go to Mr.Crumberry’s shop to find some chocolate bits for my grandma but I got distracted and- ” You rambled. He tucked the hair behind your ear and you stepped back, surprised, only to stumble on that same piece of the sidewalk. Great. Just great. There was no way you were ever going to get out of the house with these pair of shoes again.

“Seeing that you are always falling, do you need company to make sure you get to your grandma’s house intact? I would hate myself if you fell again and I wasn’t there to catch you” He said, winking at you.

“Are you trying to seduce me? Because that isn’t working”

“Are you sure? Because I swear that when I do this” He took a step closer to you and lowered himself, whispering into your ear “I can hear your heart starting to race.”

You rolled your eyes but you couldn’t deny the fact that what he was saying was true. You just had this feeling that he was one of these cocky people and that only admitting that to him would only make his ego grow bigger.

He laughed at your reaction and brushed his hand through his orange hair. You looked at the watch that you had on your wrist and realized that it had passed more time that it seemed, and that your grandma may get anxious if you don’t get home quickly. After all, the shop wasn’t far away from her house.

You started walking towards the store and noticed that he was still right beside you.

“So, Y/N, tell me about yourself.” He said after a while of you two walking side by side.

“What about me?” You asked.

“I want to get to know you.” He said after taking a deep breath. That question made you nervous, mainly because no one ever asked you that, because no one ever cared that much.

“You do? I’m warning you I am a pretty boring person with a very boring life. There is nothing interesting about me.” You say as the both of you get inside the store. You greet the old bald man that is on the other side of the counter while Jimin just waves at him and sends him a small smile.

The store isn’t very big, so you won’t take long to find what you want. The last time you had been here was years ago, and knowing that everything was still on the same place comforted you.

“I don’t believe that. Let’s see, for example… What’s your favourite colour?” He asked adjusting one of his many rings that he had on his hand.

“I don’t have one.” You answered, shrugging.

“What? What do you mean you don’t have a favourite colour? Everybody has got a favourite colour. That’s like the basic requirement for being a human being.”

“Basic requirement?” You laughed, picking up a package of chocolate bits from one of the shelves. “It’s just a colour”

“Just a colour? Whoa. You just hurt me, I hope you know that.” He faked a hurt look and stepped back dramatically while you walked to the counter. You handed your grandma’s coins to the man and said goodbye, politely. Through the window you could see that the sun was starting to go down, a very pretty view actually, but you don’t have the time to enjoy it as you have to get home as quickly as possible.

The cold air hits your face when you get out of the store and you shiver, closing your jacket a bit more. Jimin, however didn’t seem very bothered by the cold, as he continued to walk normally and talking to you, gesticulating theatrically over the fact that you didn’t have a favourite colour.

“I still can’t believe you don’t have one.” He said, shaking his head in disappointment. He seemed to think hard for a bit and then snapped his fingers like he just had the most brilliant idea ever  "You know what? You just gave me a mission.“

“I, what?” You stopped walking, giving him a confused look.

“You just gave me a mission. From now until the day you leave, I have the mission to make you have a favourite colour.” He said. Jimin sounded determined and you got the feeling that he was one of those people that always got what they wanted, so you didn’t object.

You may not admit it to anyone, and not even yourself, but you liked talking to him and you looked to know that he cared about you, even if it all was because of a stupid colour. He was very carefree and completely different from the people that you had met so far in your life, like a breeze of fresh air.

You two continued to talk during the rest of the way to your grandmother’s house. He would, occasionally, try a pick of line on you but you would always dodge him of, which resulted in him laughing at your reactions. You would, however, blush at his words every now and then, and he must have noticed that because he started joking with you.

“Ha, Y/N, are you blushing?” He said, pinching your cheeks with his fingers.

“What? No, I’m not” You lied, moving faster away from him. “It’s hot, that’s all. Are you really following me all the way home?”

“Of course. You know, my mother always told me to follow my dreams” You rolled your eyes at his corniness.

There could be seen a few people walking around the town and some others sitting on their balcony talking to one another. They seemed so close with each other, the complete opposite to your life in the city, where they wouldn’t even stop to great you.

When you saw the house a few meters away from where you were you couldn’t help but to feel a bit sad that this was all over so quickly. You stopped in front of the gate and pointed at the house.

“This is it.” You said.

Even though the town is small you couldn’t help but to be afraid that you may never see him again. You didn’t quite knew why you felt that why, you just did.

Wow.

How did you get so attached to him in just a few minutes?

“I know your grandma!” He suddenly realised “She is a really cool lady. I remember she gave me some of her cookies. Wait… That was for what the chocolate bit were needed?” He asked, his eyes glinting. You nodded in response, laughing.

He sure has heck seemed to really enjoy those cookies.

There was a bit of a silence for a while, while you two standed in front of the gate. He kept fiddling his fingers, like a nervous habit it seemed, while you played with the package that was in between your hands.

“Well, looks like I have to go. It was nice seeing you, Jimin” You said goodbye to him, walking up the little garden that your grandmother had in front of her house.

“Hey” He shouted, like he had just remembered something “Tonight I’m doing something and I really wanted you to come and see. And maybe… you could bring some of those cookies with you?”

“So, basically you just want me to take you the cookies?” You laughed.

“How did you know? I’m I that obvious?” He joked. “But no, I really want you to go. Do you know where the bridge is?” You nodded. “Well, meet me there around ten thirty. You will have a lot of fun, I promise.”

“Okay, I will see if I can go.” You waved at him from the front porch as he walked way, backwards while smiling at you.

“Ten thirty, don’t forget!” He yelled. You stayed there, still, watching him walking away.

You cleaned your feet on the red carpet and open the door, only to find your grandma sitting on the couch watching “The Price Is Right” and swearing at the people on the television.

“How can they not know that it costs 9.75? Are you dumb? Boy, when I go to church I will pray for you” She mumbled to herself.

The moment she noticed you standing behind her, holding the package in between your hands, she turned the television off and run to you, hugging and pacing you back and forth.

“God, you are finally here. I was so worried, what took you so long?” She questioned you, worried.

“Nothing I just found someone on the way and lost track of time. Now that I’m here, how about we do those cookies you were talking about? I’m so hungry” You said, and your stomach growled.

“Someone, huh?” She winked, picking up the package of the chocolate bits that I had brought from the kitchen counter. “Who is the lucky man?”

“Grandma… It’s nothing like that. We are just friends, if you could even call it that. I just met him today.” You picked up the tray and greased it with butter so that the cookies wouldn’t stick.

“If you say so… But who is he?” She asked, excitement evident in her voice.

“Park Jimin.”

“Oh, Jimin!” She said. Her reaction was the same of when someone mentioned Elvis Presley or Bob Dylan, he must be very important to her. “He is a very unique guy, isn’t he?”

“Indeed. He was very surprised that I didn’t have a favourite colour. He said he it was his mission to make me have one or something.” You laughed. He sure as heck was different “How do you know him?”

“Hum… Your grandfather and him where very close. When he… passed away…” She stopped and you continued to knead the dough. Talking about your grandfather was a very touchy subject for her, and if Jimin was as close to him as she said he was, he definatly was someone special. “He visited me every two days to check on how I was doing and of course, to ask me if whenever I would bake again I could give him some of my pastries. But, why did you ask me about him?”

“He… he invited me to meet him by the bridge tonight, he said he wanted to show me something. And I wanted to know if he was trustworthy or not. And since you said you knew him…” You rambled. You opened the first cabined and took out the stars shaped object to cut the dough.

You felt a bit uneasy when talking about this to her, since you came here to spend some time with her and not other people. And much less to have a romantic interest.

If Taehyung was here right now, he would make fun of you. Who would say that the same girl that refused to accept to have a friend was now thinking about romantic interests with someone?

“You have a date?” She asked, happily.

“It’s not a date.”

“Yes, yes it is. My granddaughter has a date! You are growing up so fast” She sobbed into your shoulder.

“Grandma, I’m in college already. I’m not a kid anymore.” You laughed.

“I know, I know. There is no need in reminding me of that. Now go take a shower! By the time you are done the dinner must be ready. Now, go! Don’t you have somewhere to be?” She shushed you out of the kitchen with her oven glove.

“Alright, alright.” You responded. You climbed up the stairs and went to the bathroom to turn the hot water on. Getting rid of your clothes you hop in and close the curtain.

You take your time washing your hair and body, thinking about if you should actually go and meet Jimin by the bridge. You wanted to, that was true, but you still had your doubts. However, those had nothing to do with him, you were just afraid of getting too attached, since the last time you did so your mother had left.

Your grandma was right, you though while you took the shampoo out of your hair,  he sure was unique. You mean, who the heck would make a mission to make someone choose a favourite colour? But you liked that about him, it made him stand out, it made him different from the others.

You turned the water shower off and wrapped one towel around your body and another one around your hair. You stepped carefully out of the shower, to the carpet and took out one comb from one of the low cabins and brushed your hair, wrapping the towel more closely to your body in fear of it falling off while you stretched your arms.

Getting to your bedroom, you change your clothes and blow dry your hair. You see you phone standing on your bed and click on it, seeing that you have three missed calls from your dad. Not a good sign.

“Dad? Is everything alright?” You say into the phone’s speaker. “Dad?”

“Y/N, sweetheart how are you?”

“Fine, how about you? Did you have dinner already? Do I need to call Taehyung to bring you some food?” You said, concerned.

“Jesus, I’m fine. I had some leftovers that were laying around in the fridge, don’t worry. Is everything okay with you? I called you three times and you didn’t pick up any of them.” You could hear some papers falling on the ground on the other side of the line, indicating that he was in his office, working. Gosh, did that man ever stopped working?

“I was showering.” You take your phone away from your ear and notice that there is already nine thirty p.m.. Your grandma must have the dinner ready by now. “Hey, I got to go now, I’m going to eat now. Take care of yourself, okay? If anything call Taehyung, you have his number and he lives nearby.”

“Okay, okay. Don’t worry about me, go and have your dinner. I will call you tomorrow, bye” He ended the call and you left the bedroom, closing the door behind you.

You stepped down the stairs, with the dirty clothes from before on your hands, to find a delicious smell on the air: you had almost forgotten of how good your grandmother’s cooking was.

“There you are!” She said, picking the clothes off your hands and throwing them at the laundry basket that was laying around on her kitchen “Come and sit, you have somewhere to be in an hour, don’t you?” You were already feeling sorry about telling her about it.

She mentions for you to seat in front of her, as she bring the mashed potatoes to the table. She tries to ask you more questions about Jimin when you start eating, and make some suggestions about him and you, which you try to dodge every time. You tell her that you father called and she could feel the worry in your voice, about him being so far away all by himself.

“Don’t worry, he is going to be alright. It may not seem like it but he had become stronger since… you know.” She said.

“Yeah, I’m just scared for him, that he might do something crazy and I’m not there to take care of him.”

“You are a good person Y/N, your father is really proud of you. And so am I.” She smiled. You continued to eat in silence after that touchy subject. You hated to talk about your mother or even think about her.

She had run away with some painter when you were twelve and your father had never fully recovered from that. The worst part wasn’t that he had left without a warning, it was the fact that she didn’t even bother to call you, to check up on you. You were her daughter after all.

As you took one last glass of water the clock strikes ten p.m. and you grow more anxious. Your palms start to get a bit sweaty and you pinkie finger starts to move nervously.

You help your grandmother with the dishes, a job that she was very much unhappy for you to be doing, especially at a time like this, but you needed to stop thinking about it and doing other things was what helped you more. She put some music from her old radio on the background and the two of you danced while cleaning up the table.

This was one of the things that you liked the most about her, the fact that she could transform one of the most simple tasks in the funniest thing ever. You sang and moved all around while putting the glasses back on the cabinet.

“Crap.” You whispered. It was already ten twenty five and there was no way that you were going to be there in time. You had been so distracted by all the dancing and singing, that you forgot to check the clock.

You ran up and down the stairs, putting your shoes on and adjusting the clothes that you were wearing in hopes of trying to look a bit more decent.

“Take some cookies to give to Jimin” Your grandmother said, calmly, while you walked frantically from one side to the other. She opened the door for you and extended you her hand that had a little blue box filled in them filled with the chocolate chips cookies.

“Don’t worry I could never forget the cookies.” You screamed as you run down the road.

You moved your feet as fast as you could, and secured the blue box on your hand, with the fear of letting it fall. The wind was blowing the air out of your face and you could feel your legs starting to become sore. Your brain was screaming for you to stop but your legs just kept going and going and going.

It took you some time to see the bridge since it was being blinded by the huge amount of lights that were around it. It wasn’t normal for that to happen, or at least that was not how you remembered it.

You walked to the parking lot that was by the bridge and you came across tons of people around multiple cars that were parked in the parking lot. They were talking cheerfully, some with bottles of booze in their hands that they passed among them and some others smoking cigarettes. They were standing all around the cars and by the theme of their conversation that you could grasp they were talking about… races?

You turned your head from side to side, looking for Jimin but you, unluckily, didn’t find him. You even asked some girls that were standing together near the yellow car if they had seen him around here or something but they had said that he hadn’t arrived yet. Some of them acted strangely when you mentioned his name but you brushed it off, maybe they had just reacted that way because you were new here, or even because of the way you were dressed.

Unlike them you weren’t wearing shorts or jean, but a very pretty floral dress. Which wasn’t your best decision, because if it would start to get windy you would have to give a Marilyn Monroe vibe.

You walked away from the crowd of people and standed alone against one of the lamps that illuminated the parking lot where you were, hoping that Jimin would eventually show up.

“Y/N!” You heard a voice saying your name and a pair of arms being wrapped around your waist. You jump slightly and you hear him chuckle in your ear.

“You scared me” You say, stepping away from him and putting a hand on your chest. Your heart was pounding against your ribcage and you didn’t know if it was because he had scared you or because of the way he had wrapped his arms around you.

Behind him were three guys that were laughing at both of your reactions. One of them had green hair, the middle one was blonde and the last one had brown hair. Their features were soft and they seemed to be nice people, or at least that was what you were expecting them to be.

They standed a bit far off from you and Jimin and you could help but to think if he had told them anything about you.

“I was afraid that you had changed you mind and decided not to come.” He said, wrapping one arm around your shoulders. You were walking in the cars direction and you felt a huge will of asking him about why he had brought you here and especially, what was all of this, but you didn’t. You had this feeling that he wasn’t going to tell you anyway, like he would say something along the lines of “just wait, you will see”.

“And you felt sad?” You joked.

“Of course. If you didn’t come that meant that I couldn’t have these amazing cookies that you grandmother baked” He said while taking the little blue box out of your hands.

You suddenly thought about what she had said, that all of this was supposed to be a date. A part of you wanted this to be one but the other one didn’t, it was all a lot of mixed feelings and you were afraid that the part that did, would win. You just weren’t ready to get hurt again.

“Why am I not surprised” You laughed. He pulled you even more closed to him, with one hand still wrapped around your shoulders, while the other took out a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket and put one of them on his mouth.

“Smoking is bad for you, you know?” You said, looking right into his eyes.

“Yeah, a lot of people have been telling me that.” He said.

“And why do you keep doing it?” You asked.

“Because it’s an addiction. Or maybe because the right person hasn’t asked me yet” You blushed at his words. You couldn’t help but to think if this was about you.

“Could you just not smoke this one?”

“Why not?” He furred his eyebrows.

“Because each cigarette takes away eleven minutes of your life.” You answered . However, the next thing that you said completely surprised you. And him too, by the look on his face. “And that are eleven minutes less that I can spend you”.

He stared at you for a long time, with an unreadable face, when the corners of his mouth started to go up and he was smiling. He smiled a lot when he was around you and you liked that.

He took the cigarette out of his mouth and threw it on the ground, stepping on it.

“If you put that in that way, I guess that it’s better if I get rid of the whole package then”. That made you smile, a really widening smile, that ones that you almost never gave to people. Your grandmother was right, he surely was someone special.

“My grandma said that you were very close with my grandfather” You said after a while.

“Yes I was. Your grandfather was a man that knew a lot of things. In fact, before he… hum… passed away, he taught me some of them” He was talking at the same at that he was observing the people that were chatting to their friends. He was watching them  so closely, that it almost looked like he was studying them. His orange hair was pushed back showing off his forehead and he was wearing sunglasses that were laying around his neck, backwards, even though it was night time and the sun had already gone down. His black leather jacket tighten around his back and arms when he crossed them, making his muscles stand out even more. And now, under the dim light that was upon us he was even more exquisite.

“What type of things?” You asked, curiosity taking the best of you.

“Well, you want to see them?” He said, cocking his head to the side. You nodded in response. and He then started to walk away from you and towards one of those cars, the black one.

“Namjoon!” He screamed, loudly, in the middle of the crowd. “Remember that bet we made? How about we do that now?” The people that were scattered around the parking lot started to gather around Jimin, and a tall guy with brown hair appeared in the middle of it, stepping in front of him.

You standed back, watching the whole scene, not knowing what was going to happen next. However your feet started to move involuntary into the middle of the crowd as well, where one of his friends, the green haired one, joined you by your side.

Namjoon and Jimin both got inside their cars and positioned then at the same level and distance to make sure none of them had an advantage on the other. A girl walked into the middle of the road, and then stopped in between the two cars, with a white flag between her hands that were stretched above her head. Jimin and Namjoon adjusted the mirrors and turned on the engines whose sounds were started to grow louder and louder.

Inside the car Jimin relaxed himself into the seat and his eyes started to search for you in the crowd. When they met yours he winked at you and then focused back on the road, making your heart skip a beat.

“Be careful” You whispered, even though you knew that he couldn’t hear you. You didn’t even know who you were saying that to, him or youself.

“I don’t know what is so different about you” The green haired guy said over the loud cheers that the crowd was giving and the tickling of the bottles against each other’s. “He talks about you a lot, which isn’t normal for him. He normally doesn’t care about girls. At least not anymore. But you… I can’t quite put a finger on it”

“What? How do you mean that I’m different?” You asked.

“You made him throw away a package of cigarettes. We, who have been friends with him for years now, have tried to make him throw away one cigarette. One. And we never got to do that. In twelve fucking years.” He said. He had a cold expression, and his tone was a bit harsh, but you could tell that it was only because he seemed to care a lot for him.

As you were about to respond the girl threw the white flag down to the ground and they started to drive off as fast as they could. The crowd screamed louder and louder as they distance themselves even more far away from you.

It was calm for a few minutes, with none of the cars in sight, nor the lights. But it didn’t took long as they both appeared riding the cars into your direction, or even better, the headlights did.

They kept driving faster and faster towards the winning post, side to side, making it impossible of knowing who was going to win. However, on the last second Jimin was able to speed up even more and passed Namjoon’s car, getting to the goal first.

Jimin’s friends went crazy, shouting and dancing everywhere, while Namjoon’s backed away, ashamed of losing the bet.

You found yourself clapping, happily too, and cheering him on.

“I swear that there was something wrong with the engine” You heard Namjoon saying as he got out of the car.

“Don’t lie, man. We both know that it was completely fine. Just accept that I won.” Jimin said, rolling his eyes and brushing the hair off his forehead. “Oh, and don’t forget, cold water and no soap” He added, grinning, while he threw Namjoon his car keys.

“Y/N!” You heard him shout from the middle of the crowd.

“Here!” You said, swaying your arms around, in hopes for him to see you.

He came running to you, dodging some people that were congratulating him along the way and greeting another ones.

When he finally got next to you, he wrapped you in between his arms and lifted you off the ground as you smiled into the crock of his neck.

“So, what did you thought about it?” He asked, excited. His eyes were glinting and you could hear his heart beating fast from the adrenaline that he had felt.

“You were amazing, I’m -”

“Jimin?” You got interrupted by a soft, a feminine voice that belonged to a blond girl that was wearing a rather tight dark blue dress “You did a very good job in there. Got to say that you have evolved a lot.”

“Thank you, I like to think so too” He responded.

However, what she did next was completely unpredictable. She moved in between you and him and kissed his cheek. And you just stayed there, as you felt a pain in your chest.

What. The. Heck.

TMNT Flashback . . .

“Just try one.” 

“Sometimes things that don’t seem like they go together … ” 

“ … actually make a great couple.” 

“I mean food.”

*sigh*     “Fine.”

*chews*     “Whoa!”

“These ARE amazing!”

*swipes plate*

*gasp*     “Huh?”

*inhales remaining gyozas*

Click here for more TMNT Flashbacks😉

2

still making my way through Golion and i want sincline to have that sort of redemption arc where he goes from “mortal enemy” to “weird uncle who hangs awkwardly around the good guys because he’s got nothing better to do (and makes good egg salad)”

obviously the sign of team membership is chibi sticking you with a family honourific, but like every other respectable 12-year-old he’s been taught Stranger Danger and they don’t come stranger than this guy

Ok Baras’ plan would never have worked because I just read the codex and it says no matter who the vessel is, be it a young woman or an old man, the Voice sounds the same. And some of the Dark Council members have spoken to the Voice sooooooooo….

Baras: Hey guys, I’m the new Emperor’s Voice!

Marr: Baras, we know it’s you.

Baras, trying to make his voice sound more gruffHeeyyyyy guyyyyssss, it’s really me, the Emperor’s Voice!

Ravage: No, see, I’ve spoken with the Voice and that voice doesn’t make me want to shove my own cock through my skull the way yours does.

Marr: Whoa! What the fuck, Ravage?

Baras: I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN TO LIKE THIS! I DEMAND OBEDIENCE! ‘TIS I! YOUR EMPEROR!

Ravage: See?

Nox: Shit, let me kill him. Two Darths in one day. I bet that’d be a new record!

Mortis: NO YOU WILL FUCKING NOT, NOX! I JUST HAD THIS ROOM CLEANED!

Marr: Actually, the Emperor killed like thousands of Sith Lords simultaneously back in the day.

Nox: Impressive!

Mortis: Dammit. I see a spot was missed. What the hell is that? Is that….part of Thanaton’s ear?!

Baras: I WILL NOT BE DENIED!! 

Vowrawn: *collapsed on the floor, dying of laughter*

Ravage: If Baras doesn’t die in the next 15 seconds, y'all are gonna see something beyond horrific; my dick going through my own eye socket.

Marr: Please, somebody do something!!!

Nox: I’d pay to see that, Ravage.

Wrath: I’ll handle this.

Baras: NOoOOooOOOOOOOoOOOO!

Mortis, walking over to the “Days Since Our Last Nonsense” board to change it to zero seeing it already says zero: Just once I’d like this number higher than 1.

Nox: This was fun! I’m glad I joined the Council. Thanks, guys.

“Jesus,” he says when he sees them. “Are you actually a teenage girl?”

Nursey shrugs. “Try one.” He throws a sparkly blue Gelly Roll pen at Dex’s head.

Dex plucks it out of the air, then looks at it like it’s a dead spider.

He uncaps the pen and writes a few notes in his notebook. “Whoa,” he says.

Nursey grins at him. “Smooth, right?”

“Sara used to have these. In, like, forty thousand different colors.”

“Because they are the best,” Nursey says. “I swear, these could write underwater. These could write on ice. These could write in Outer Space.”

“Okay, I get it. You really like your pens.”

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6

February spits; not a lot for this month but that’s fine also you can totally tell which one’s the favorite

there's a new app or something
  • Girl: Did you get the new app?
  • Boy: What app?
  • Girl: The new app, stupid.
  • Boy: What does it do?
  • Girl: It's new! Check it out. *fires up app*
  • New App: *in a fresh and cool voice* Welcome to the new app.
  • Boy: I still don't understand what it does.
  • Girl: You can press this button here and it checks for the latest version of the new app. Watch. *boop*
  • New App: Boop received. There are ZERO new updates.
  • Girl: Isn't it cool?
  • Boy: I'm really not into it.
  • Girl: C'mon. You have to be. Everyone's using it.
  • Boy: I'm not really into the same things everyone else is.
  • Girl: You're always such a hispter, but that's your choice.
  • Boy: Yeah, it's my choice and I'm proud of it.
  • *later, elsewhere*
  • Group of People: Wow, the new app rules, right? I love it. I like booping it to see if there's any new updates. We should all boop it now. No, I think we should wait. You're stupid. Yeah, let's all boop it forget the other guy. *boopboopboopboopboopboop*
  • New App: Bbbooooppppp rreeecciiieeeevvvveeedddd. Ooonneeeeee nnnnnneewwww uuuuppppdddaaaattttteeeeeee aaaaavvvvvvvaaaillllllabbbbbl-
  • Boy: *watching from afar* What a bunch of sheep. How can they get excited over a stupid app that does nothing. It's mob mentality if I've ever seen it. One person downloads a useless app, so everyone else has to. Thank god that I'm appless and entirely free from banal social dogma.
  • New App: New update has finished downloading. Activating new feature, outcast locater. One outcast located directly to the south of your group. He's watching from the alleyway.
  • Boy: Huh?
  • Group of People: *rush over the alleyway* Whoa, there really was a guy watching us from the alleyway! What a weirdo! Does he really not have the app? No one doesn't have the app, it's the newest app. Hey, do you not have the app?
  • Boy: I have to go.
  • Group of People: Don't go! Why don't you have the app? Actually, fuck off if you don't have the new app, freak!
  • Boy: *runs away* Why did they all gang up on me like? *stomach growls* Now I'm hungry after running like that. I best go to that sandwich shop over yonder and eat a... hmmm sandwich.
  • Cashier: Hello, sweetie. What kind of sandwich can I get you today?
  • Boy: Just a bread sandwich. Like, a sandwich with three slices of bread and meats, vegetables, cheeses, or condiments.
  • Cashier: *phone vibrates* Hold on, sweetie. The new app is booping me, there might be a new update.
  • New App: Hey, do you see the kid standing in front of you?
  • Cashier: You mean that very cute boy?
  • New App: Yes, him. He doesn't have the new app.
  • Cashier: What!?
  • New App: It's true.
  • Cashier: You have the new app, don't you?
  • Boy: Well, no.
  • Janitor: *stops mopping the floor* That's kind of weird.
  • Cashier: It's actually very weird.
  • Boy: I don't understand what the big deal is, it's just a dumb app.
  • Cashier: It's not dumb, everyone's using it!
  • Janitor: *locks the doors* It's suspicious that you're not using it, son. Why don't you take a seat and wait here for a moment.
  • Cashier: Yeah, me an my colleague, the janitor, have to talk. Your sandwich will be out in a moment.
  • Boy: *nervously sits*
  • *the janitor and cashier huddle behind the counter and whisper to each other*
  • Boy: *internally* This is ridiculous. Why is this stupid app getting me into so much trouble. I'm not required to download it. It's just an app. So why is everyone getting so aggressive about it.
  • Cops: *knock at the door*
  • Janitor: *lets them in* Welcome officers.
  • Cops: So we hear that someone isn't using the new app, eh?
  • Janitor: Yes officer, he's sitting right over there. He's terrible! TERRIBLE!
  • Cops: Calm down, sir. We'll take care of this. *walks over to the boy, very authoritatively* Hello, son. Now, don't be intimidated just because we're cops and all. We simply want to know why you aren't using the new app.
  • Boy: I don't know, I just don't feel like using it.
  • Cops: But you realize it's the most innovative app to be released in the past decade. It was developed by Darkheart Studios, and you know those Darkhearts always make good stuff.
  • Boy: I just don't get why I have to download it. Like, what's the big deal? All it does is update itself.
  • *cops look at each other puzzled*
  • Cops: *phone vibrates* Oh, looks like the app has something to tell us. Lemme just give it a boop. *boop*
  • New App: Boop received. New has update finished downloading. Activating new feature, extermination of the sacrilegious. Kill the boy, officers. End his miserable life.
  • Cops: Are you telling us to shoot the boy because he hasn't downloaded the app.
  • New App: Not necessarily, but any means of extermination is sufficient.
  • Cops: I don't think we should kill the boy. The new app is great an all, but not worth killing over. In fact, it's getting kind of old. I think we should take the boy down to the station for safe keeping while we figure out what's going with this here bizarre app. Hey there, little guy... oh.
  • Boy: *gone*
  • Cops: He's gone. Now where did he run off too?
  • Boy: *runs panicked down the street, the cellphone of every single person vibrating and ringing as he passes them*
  • Boy: *runs into his house and locks himself in his bedroom* What did I do to deserve this? I should just download the app and spare myself this hell. No! I refuse, I won't fall in with trends like all the sheeple. I'm special. I'm different.
  • Sister: *knocks at the boy's bedroom door, clutching a knife behind her back* Little brother, open up. I have to talk to you about something. It's important.
  • Boy: I don't feel like talking, leave me alone.
  • Sister: Come on, I'm your sister. You can trust me, open up. *tries to force the door open* Open the fucking door!
  • Boy: You're acting crazy, leave me alone!
  • Sister: Fine. *stomps off*
  • Boy: *hides under his blankets*
  • *a cacophony of cellphone notification sounds come from outside of the bedroom window*
  • Boy: *sheepishly peaks out the window, his blanket still wrapped around him*
  • *a mob of people, some armed with weapons stand in his backyard*
  • Leader of the Mob: Kid, we all know you didn't download the new app. Unfortunately, the app says we gotta kill you unless you do. I personally think that's unreasonable, but it is the new app after all, and who am I to question it?
  • Boy: Fuck your stupid app! It doesn't even do anything!
  • Leader of the Mob: What a bad attitude. It's the new sensation.
  • Boy: You're sheep!! You're all stupid sheep!! I'm never downloading the stupid fucking app!!
  • Leader of the Mob: Then we have to burn down your house, kid.
  • Boy: My dad is super rich and influential. If you burn down my house, he'll have you guys taken care of.
  • Dad: *from the mob* I actually support them, son. It's disconcerting to me as a father that you don't have the new app when everyone else does. I could support your through anything, but not this.
  • Boy: Wha- dad!? Argh! Just burn the house! I don't care! I'm not afraid to die!! At the end of the day, I'll be a martyr and you'll all still be fucking nobodies!!
  • Leader of the Mob: Whatever ya say, kid. *tosses torch at the house*
  • *the rest of the mob follows and the house quickly goes up in flames*
  • Boy: I guess this is it. This is how I die. All over a dumb app that doesn't do anything but boop.
  • *flames reach the bedroom window*
  • Boy: Oh god, oh god, oh god! I've changed my mind! I don't want to die!! *frantically pulls out his phone as the flames grow and downloads the new app*
  • New App: *boop* Thank you for downloading the new app, boy. Now, you've been forgiven. You may live. Please be sure to boop me to check for updates.
  • Boy: I feel so fucking stupid, but at least I'll live. I just have to get out of here.
  • Boy: *rushes into the hallway, but the flames have engulfed the entire house*
  • *the ceiling collapses, trapping the boy in the hallway and ceiling any exits*
  • Boy: No! Someone help me! *coughs* I'm sorry! Please help! I downloaded the app!
  • Boy: *curls up in fetal position* I don't want to die. Fire fighters will come and save me or something like that, I'm sure of it! I'm so scared! I don't want to die! I don't want to die! It can't end like this!
  • *The End*
S’more of these

“Your blood is on my hands! Literally on my hands, it’s very slippery!”

“You’ve been limping for nearly a week now…”

“That’s not first aid, it’s worst aid. Why the heck are you doing that?”

“I get the feeling we’re not making it outta this one.”

“You just had to throw up on the supplies.”

“I know you said you’re fine but I’m really not buying it.”

“Get up already, we have to— Whoa! You’re actually hurt!”

“You should’ve learned not to be so reckless by now!”

“Come on, just try to make it a little farther. For me?”

“You’re doing so good, don’t stop now. This dump isn’t gonna be where we die.”

“I can’t concentrate on helping when you’re screaming like that!”

“Really not digging the look of this wound…”

“If my words are getting through at all here, please stop squirming.”

“Is that pus?? Oh god, I can’t do this!”

“You’re gonna hate me when you come to.”

“My horoscope said to beware of painful circumstances. First time it’s ever been right.”

anonymous asked:

Salam! You always mention how we should learn about the 'fundamentals' before getting into the really tricky concepts and rules regarding Islam, what are the fundamentals? Like basic concepts?

Wa alykum as-salaam!

I mean like Qur’an.

The way Muslims talk about The Qur’an is like we’re talking about a movie, then none of us have seen, but we are like “whoa! It got 98% on Rotten Tomatoes! It must be good!”

No one has actually read The Qur’an. Basic concepts, basic stories, like… Plot points, people don’t know about.

I get a question about “brother google of the MSA said women can’t be leaders!!!!!!!”

I roll my eyes. Why? Because The Qur’an speaks to female leadership. The Queen of Sheeba. It’s right there.

I was reading over the story of Maryam (Mary) and there’s background to her birth that is profoundly striking, actually.

Maryam’s mother, is Hannah (Anne) and she’s older, meaning it’s not likely she’d have kids, so she prays to God:

“‘O my Sustainer! Behold, unto Thee do I vow [the child] that is in, my womb, to be devoted to Thy service. Accept it, then, from me: verily, Thou alone art all-hearing, all-knowing!’” [3:35]

So she promises to make her child dedicated to God, but it’s the next ayah which is really important here:

But when she had given birth to the child, she said: “O my Sustainer! Behold, I have given birth to a female” - the while God had been fully aware of what she would give birth to, and [fully aware] that no male child [she might have hoped for] could ever have been like this female - “and I have named her Mary. And, verily, I seek Thy protection for her and her offspring against Satan, the accursed.”

The implication is that she’s expecting a male child. God obviously knows that it will be a daughter, and when you look at this, it’s just… It’s beautiful.

Hannah is very sincere, she’s noted to be a great person, and she thinks that in order to serve God best, she has to have a son. God doesn’t agree with that assessment, obviously.

I read things like this and I just sit back in awe. You guys talk about representation in media (it’s super important, don’t get me wrong) but then you ignore stuff like this in The Qur'an. A big part of it is that you guys just don’t read it, unfortunately, but when you really break it down, look at God’s Wisdom.

It’s such a beautiful story, Hannah is praying for a child, thinking that a boy will best serve God, and God is enshrining the glory of having a daughter. God describes the birth of a daughter as a “glad-tiding” (15:58) as a means of cursing those who are upset when they have a daughter, but here, we have a much more powerful example of how God’s Wisdom transcends our limited perception of what is best, even in the most sincere and dedicated of people to God.

People always ask me what makes The Qur'an so special, and truly, it’s things like this. SubhanAllah.

The first time Heather McNamara tried to be mean
  • Heather C: Heather, I want you to bitch that girl out.
  • Heather M: Okay! Hi, what's your name?
  • Martha: Uh, Martha.
  • Heather M: Oh hi, I'm Heather! How are you today, Martha?
  • Heather C: No, get mean!
  • Heather M: [In an angry tone] How are you today, Martha?
  • Heather C: Oh goddammit, can somebody get in there and help her?
  • [Heather D whispers in Heather M's ear]
  • Heather M: Huh? Okay! [In a friendly tone] Martha, would you like to go fuck yourself?
  • Martha: Uh, no, not really.
  • [Heather D whispers]
  • Heather M: Huh? Okay. I got it. Is it because you're a little bitch?
  • Martha: No. I'm not actually.
  • [Heather D whispers]
  • Heather M: Oh right, right right, okay. Because apparently you look like a bitch.
  • Martha: Okay. I—I'm a little confused. Because you seem to be saying some really hurtful things, but your tone is very friendly.
  • Heather M: Thank you. [Heather D whispers] Oh, okay. Okay, well then why you don't go eat a bag of Ritz!
  • Martha: Ritz crackers? Well actually, I'm gluten-free, so—
  • [Heather D whispers]
  • Heather M: Okay hold on—not Ritz, I didn't mean Ritz... Uh huh, oh, I see. Whoa, they put those in bags?
  • Martha: I'm sorry, are you being mean or nice?
  • [Heather D whispers]
  • Heather M: Uh-huh, yeah, oh, okay. One more time? Okay. Mean!
  • Martha: Um, yeah, um, I think I want to go now.
  • Heather M: Did I win?
  • Heather C: Well, I'm not exactly sure if that girl feels bad about herself, but she's certainly confused, so that's a start.
  • Heather M: Woohoo! I count that as a win!
  • Percy: I mean, come on, Grover. What are we doing?
  • Grover: We're hunting a monster.
  • Percy: A monster, exactly. Who does that?
  • Grover: Us.
  • Percy: Us, right. And that, Grover, that is exactly why our lives suck. I mean come on, we hunt monsters. What the hell? I mean, normal people, they see a monster and they run, but not us. No, no, no we-we search out things that want to kill us, yeah, huh, or eat us. You know who does that? Crazy people. We are insane.I mean who wants this life Grover? Huh? Seriously? I mean do you actually like being stuck with me twenty four hours a day, every single day? I don't think so. I mean, I'm annoying, I know that. And you, you're gassy. You eat half an enchilada and you get toxic. I mean, you know what?
  • Percy: You can forget it.
  • Grover: Whoa, Percy. Where are you going?
  • Percy: Stay away from me, man. Okay? 'Cause I am done with it. I'm done with the monsters and the-the Minotaurs and the kindly ones and the damn apocalypse! I'm out. I'm done. I quit.