who's the woman who's the man

ariannabotaku  asked:

IIAAT: I am Transfeminine, when I first started transitioning I would mimic other women, but about a year ago I had an Autistic breakdown and stopped. I have realized that I have had a foggy sense of gender. I know the rules, but, sorry having a hard time explaining this, I know the rules for the genders and can mimic, but honestly do not understand gender very well if at all. It is like I have the dictionary definitions required for gender but don't understand them.

Yes, that is a common autistic experience. Many of us struggle to understand gender, particularly when it comes to ourselves. Personally, I know that I don’t identify fully as man or woman, but whenever I try to think about gender when it comes to myself I get really confused and sometimes upset. As such, I identify as gendervague which is an identity for neurodivergent folk who feel that their neurodivergence affects their understanding of gender. 

There is also autgender for those who feel that autism in particular is so entwined with their understanding of gender that the two cannot be separated. 

Either of these identities can be used in combination with other gender identities. For instance, I identify as a nonbinary gendervague person. It’s also totally ok to continue identify as you have been and just know that being autistic affects your understanding of gender.

But, yes, this is a fairly common experience for autistics.


Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
Move on, leave, run away, escape this place… but don’t forget about me, about us, about this town. Always remember where you come from so you can appreciate how far you’ve come.
—  c.j.n.
You claim to love her, inside and out, but the only time you call her beautiful is when it’s 3 in the morning and I’ve already turned you down.
—  girls tell each other everything, c.j.n.
We throw around the word never likes its nothing but a small rose petal. The word never is a doubled edged sword. On one side it says ‘I will never leave you’ and on the other it says ‘I will never love you.’
—  The Word Never