we don’t talk enough about the fact that it was Jim, not Bones, who first called Spock a pointy eared bastard. and he hasn’t done it since that day at his academic integrity hearing, but you can bet your ass Bones hasn’t forgotten
and every time Spock is like ‘doctor please desist in calling me-’ ‘JIM STARTED IT’ Bones says gleefully before he can even get the words out
and they both just turn to look at Jim, who is trying to make himself as small as possible in the captain’s chair while also pretending not to notice them at all and failing miserably at both
A throbbing pain radiated through your head. Wearily you opened your eyes. After blinking a few times to clear your vision you sat up. You were in a large circular room. Everything around you seemed to be made out of some sort of chrome like metal. Trapped in the room were crew members of the enterprise. It seemed that about a third of the crew had been taken. Several were starting to come to like yourself. But the majority looked around anxiously. The last thing you remembered was charging one of the bastard aliens with Sulu. After that everything was a blur. The giant knot on your head explained why. Your poorly wrapped arm seconded it. You were beyond fighting shape now, but that’s not why you were brought on the enterprise in the first place. Xenolinguistics was your specialty. Before joining the enterprise, you traveled with your father who captained his own ship. Together you studied various alien languages and culture earning yourself high marks in your work. Not only that you were one of the youngest in the field.
Impressed with your credentials Lieutenant Uhura asked you to come work under her wing. With the enterprise doing her five-year mission in unknown space who knows what kind of new aliens would be found. New aliens meant foreign tongues and cultures which is where you and Uhura came in to help out. The problem was you currently had no idea where to begin. The creatures who captured you were unlike any you had seen before. Not only that, but their technology was beyond you. From what you could tell this prison you were in was more advanced than anything Starfleet could conjure. There didn’t seem to be an entrance or exit anywhere. A bright light shined down from the ceiling and a small hum radiated in the room from the walls, obviously electrified. Across from you, Sulu had just sat up and was rubbing his head.
“Where are we?” He asked instinctively.
“I wish I knew…” you sighed. There was no way anybody would be able to tell what planet you were on or if you were even on a planet for that matter. The enterprise hadn’t picked up any other ships or planets nearby. On the opposite side of the room where the two ensigns you had tried to hide. Your heart sank seeing them there and you knew if they found them that McCoy was located as well. Without a second thought you got up to walk over to them. Sulu called out to you, but you didn’t acknowledge it. The two of them united with a third friend and at the sight of you they gave a halfhearted smile.
“Are you alright?” You asked. For a moment the youngest of the three studied your eyes. There was no concealing the worry hidden beneath them. You so desperately wanted to ask about Leonard.
“He’s alright,” the ensign said as if reading your thoughts. “They didn’t even touch the doctor. We were blindfolded, gagged, and cuffed. They led us out onto some ship. I’m pretty sure we are on their planet now. At least we definitely landed somewhere and were moved here.”
“There’s no way out though…” the others said softly. “The engineers that are down here looked at the walls. They don’t even understand what their made of. We’re trapped in a room with nothing.” You looked around and saw the fear on everyone’s faces. You didn’t know how long you would be here or why you were brought here in the first place. You did know one thing though. You needed to hold onto hope. As long as there was hope there would be a way out of this. Though by the looks of things, there wasn’t much of it left.
“The captain will come for us.” You said trying to reassure them. “We all just need to keep a level head.”
Back on the Enterprise
James Tiberius Kirk awoke feeling like he had the worst hangover of his life. Only this time, the pain wasn’t alcohol inflicted. Slowly getting up out of his chair he looked around shocked. All his men and women were on the floor of the bridge slowly beginning to wake up. Kirk looked around at a total loss of what just happened. Quickly, he ran over to help the others on their feet. Everyone was there except for one.
“Where’s Mr. Sulu?” Kirk asked doing a double take to make sure Sulu was the only one gone. The others looked around confused and at a loss for words.
“Vhat do you think happened captain?” Chekov finally asked rubbing his head. Kirk shook his own head attempting to remember anything that might be useful.
“JIM!” McCoy shouted barging onto the bridge. “Jim they took her! They took her Jim!”
“Whoa Bones, Bones, calm down. Who’d they take?” Jim said placing a hand against his friend’s chest.
“[Y/N], Those damn aliens took her,” he said, tears forming in his eyes. Kirk had never seen him so upset before.
“That’s not all they took,” rang out an unexpected voice. Turning, everyone on the bridge faced Spock who had appeared out of nowhere at the door. “Permission to enter Captain?” Kirk nodded and Spock walked over to them. He looked completely unfazed by everything.
“What happened to my ship Spock?” Kirk asked him.
“We were boarded by an unknown alien species Sir. They took Mr. Sulu, Ms. [Y/L/N], as well as several other members of the crew. It is unclear their motives, but they somehow altered the oxygen on our ship without us knowing. This is what caused you all to faint and the aliens to come on board taking everyone who was still conscious.”
“Why the hell would they do that?” McCoy asked furious.
“As I said,” Spock continued confused at McCoy’s question. “Their motives were unclear. It appears…”
“Wait Spock were you awake for all this?” Kirk interrupted.
“Yes Captain I was.”
“How did you avoid being taken?” He questioned impressed.
“Because I did the logical thing.” Spock said nonchalant.
Elves and Orcs hate each other but maybe the first hybrid was born from an unusual union
We know of Tanurukk, Teifling and (the possibly unofficial) Fey’ri but what about other races who’s ancestors made pacts with fiends? I read an unofficial book Bastards and Bloodlines that had dwarf and halfling versions of Teiflings (and other cool hybrids)
The humans description says most humans have non human ancestors so like what about someone who’s a quarter elf with slightly pointed ears (more human than a half elf) and like one elf trait from their half elf ancestor. Or a quarter orc who’s basically a buff human with an underbite and slightly pointy teeth.
It just makes sense to me that if there are so many races out there there’s bound to be more hybrids even if they’re not as common but the only canon ones are half elf and half orc. Gnomes and Dwarves and Halflings in some universes have shared ancestry, with gnome gods like Garl Glittergold having a dwarf goddess wife.
Headcanons for McKirk please!! (bonus points if Joanna plays a part in them ;) )
Academy Era AU where Jim and Bones develop their friendship through their hatred for certain other classmates.
Bones would fall down on Jim’s bed after a long day of lectures and he’s just bitching about these students who wouldn’t pay attention to the professors. Or when his group report/ lab partners are late, don’t show up, or don’t pull their weight. Jim sits on bed too, against the wall, Bones’ legs thrown over his lap, and he listens intently, occasionally commenting things like: “That asshole”, and “how dare they”.
Similarly, Jim would burst into Bones’ room after a particularly bad exam. He’d lie down on the couch, head on Bones’ lap, complaining with vivid gestures about the pointy-eared bastard making his life a living Hell because “rules are meant to be broken”. Bones would listen and agree, but also softly try and persuade Jim that “rules exist for a reason, Jim”, and “Spock isn’t all that bad”.
When summer rolls around, Jim leaves with his mom while Bones stays behind. He returns after a week, finding a nearly completely empty campus except for Bones and his daughter visiting him. He hangs out with the two of them and they go on all sorts of exciting trips together like the zoo, the cinema, and the library (?? Jim doesn’t understand why a kid enjoys reading so much, but she does).
So Jim ends up reading to her a lot, and he does all the voices right and Bones chips in, too, and they make the story come to life together so well that Joanna refuses to sleep until they read another chapter together.
Jim watches Bones interact with Joanna, carrying her on his shoulders while they take long walks, or making her laugh hysterically with stupid dad-jokes. And it tugs something inside of him he didn’t even know was there.
“Uncle Jim” becomes “Papa Jim” when summer is over and Joanna has to go back to her mother.
The next time they sit together they are in Jim’s room. Both are lying in bed and talking about the first day back in class. But then Bones turns to his side and faces Jim. “Joanna loves you, you know.” Jim turns to his side, too, hands on those surprisingly toned arms. “How about you?” he asks. “I do, too,” Bones admits. Jim’s hands run up to the curve of Bones’ neck, fingers brushing through thick, brown hair. “I do, too.” He repeats, kissing him softly.
Bones is a werewolf like from twilight and when he gets on the shuttle to starfleet he’s not only recently divorced, but also just lost his pack. His wife imprinted and he can’t help but to be bitter about that because they truly did love eachother before. During Jim’s hearing about the kobiashi maru he sees Spock and imprints (“who is that pointy eared bastard?” “ I don’t know, but I like him”)
When he realizes Spock is half human is when he starts arguing with him. It’s not healthy for humans to bottle up their emotions and anger and irritation are the easiest emotions to get to. By arguing with him he’s protecting Spock from himself. Now imagine when Spock finds out.
Bones plans this whole big speech to give to Spock, in the desperate hope that Spock understands and forgives him and is cool with it. He’s made a damn pamphlet. He sits down with Spock and get three sentences in and Spock just finishes his sentence for him and tells him he is not a subtle man.
Star Trek might have an (undeserved) reputation for being a bit straight-faced (despite the original crew’s natural gift for comic timing) but that isn’t an accusation that could ever be leveled at the reboots.
JJ Abram’s Trek films pepper their fast-paced action sequences with laugh-out-loud moments - a tradition that Justin Lin looks to be continuing in Star Trek Beyond.
Don’t believe us? Wrap your funny bones around this lot…
The ‘Authorisation not recognised’ gag - Star Trek (2009)
Star Trek’s voice recognition tech might be able to understand a galaxy’s worth of different languages, but it can’t decipher a thick Russian accent pronouncing ‘Victor, victor.’
Chekov’s frustration with his ‘wictor, wictor’ situation is one of the silliest moments from the franchise, but also one of the funniest.
The ‘I may throw up on you’ gag - Star Trek (2009)
Bones’ hilariously detailed description of all the ways you can die on a spacecraft should probably have disqualified him from Starfleet status, especially as it’s also the future Captain Kirk’s first impression of him. But, as McCoy himself points out, they have to let him join - ‘I’ve got nowhere else to go, my ex wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce. All I’ve got left is my Bones…’
The ‘pointy-eared bastard’ gag - Star Trek (2009)
After a tense exchange, with Kirk on trial for cheating on a fairly famous test, Jim asks Bones about the captain’s future BFF, Spock. “Who was that pointy-eared bastard” Kirk asks. “I don’t know,” Bones replies. “But I like him.”
It’s a smart joke, playing with fans’ expectations of these characters’ future relationships.
The ‘I’d rather not take sides’ gag - Star Trek (2009)
Scotty’s just performed a miraculous manoeuvre that’s put him in the middle of an argument between Spock and Kirk. With a twinkle in his eye and grin on his face, he says ‘I’d rather not take sides,’ in a failed attempt to break the considerable tension.
Considering how forthright he’ll go on to become after a few missions around the galaxy, it’s a pretty neat moment of (attempted) levity.
The ‘farm animals’ gag - Star Trek (2009)
Kirk’s attempting to pick Uhura up in a bar. “I’m impressed,” she says. “For a moment there, I thought you were just a dumb hick who only has sex with farm animals.” “Well, not only,” Kirk replies.
Not only is it a funny moment, it’s probably a reference to how many different alien species Kirk will eventually go on to seduce, making it doubly-giggle-worthy.
The ‘attitude’ gag - Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)
Starfleet officer Christopher Pike has just corrected Spock, and Spock - who’s very rarely wrong - corrects him back. “Are you giving me attitude, Spock?” “I am expressing multiple attitudes simultaneously. To which are you referring?” Spock replies, a twinkle in his Vulcan eye.
There’s something about Spock’s constant adherence to pure logic that can’t help but seem like absolute sass.
The ‘sandwiches’ gag - Star Trek (2009)
Upon receiving the life-changing news that not only is time travel possible, but he’s currently talking to someone from the future, Scotty takes it rather well. “Well, that’s brilliant. Do they still have sandwiches there?” We like a man with priorities.
The ‘dying alone’ gag - Star Trek Beyond (2016)
If the trailer’s any proof, Star Trek Beyond will continue the tradition of great gags in the reboot series.
Bones is in a tight spot, and looks to Spock for support. “Well, at least I won’t die alone,” he says. Spock - with brilliant comic timing - is instantly teleported away. “Well, that’s just typical,” Bones says, dryly.
The ‘chair’ gag - Star Trek Beyond (2016)
Another great gag from the trailer, as new character (ally? Villain? We’ll have to wait and see) Jaylah slouches straight into the Captain’s chair aboard the Enterprise, much to the shock of the crew. “Ah, he likes that chair…” Scotty says, in what could be the understatement of the year.
The ‘Are you out of your Vulcan mind?’ gag - Star Trek (2009)
Bones asks Spock for permission to speak freely after the Vulcan banishes his best friend Jim Kirk from the Enterprise. Spock grants it, and Bones hits him with one of the character’s best catchphrases from the original series: “Are you out of your Vulcan mind?”
“Are you making a logical choice, sending Kirk away? Probably. But, the right one? You know, back home we have a saying: “If you’re gonna ride in the Kentucky Derby, you don’t leave your prize stallion in the stable.”
It’s Karl Urban’s perfect delivery that makes this one so chucklesome.
Spones + being accidental best buds during the Academy.
Spock and Bones both taking a Xenobiology class together and being partnered together for an assignment. Both of them don’t really trust the effort the other is going to put into it, and both end up writing the entire report themselves.
On a field trip to Antarctica, Spock takes the lead on their party. Bones questions and counters every decision he makes for the sake of it. But also because he’s annoyed, and he’s cold, and this field trip is stupid. Spock grits his teeth, countering Bones by giving him the most tedious tasks. He makes Bones stay behind to monitor the vitals of the team while he’s out on a scouting trip. But then a storm happens and Bones plows through the snow to rescue this stupid pointy-eared bastard who got himself snowed in. He drags him back to base, warming him up with extra blankets and hot tea.
They kind of tolerate each other afterwards. Spock sits next to Bones to go through their exam material when Jim approaches Bones and talks loudly, wild gestures, excited about literally everything. “Jim sounds like… a handful,” Spock says after Jim’s gone. “That’s my best friend you’re talking about,” Bones warns, before cracking a smile, because Spock is right. Jim is a handful. But he soon grows to be their handful.
The two of them would compete for the highest grades in class, and even when they lose, they’d be high-key proud of the other.
Bones and Spock being co-captains of the “Jim Kirk is a pain in my ass but I would still go through fire for him” support group.
Spock helping Bones with the mandatory flying courses.
Bones ending up in a fist fight because of Jim. Spock ending up in a fist fight to protect Bones. The three of them kick ass, and Bones patches them up afterwards. “You didn’t have to do that,” Bones says, crouched down in front of Spock as he carefully cleans up the wound on Spock’s lip. “You would have done the same for me,” Spock says, and Bones knows he would, in a heartbeat.
Jim keeps glancing to his wrist, agitated. He didn’t have time for an assembly to be called, he didn’t have much time at all. Just two minutes. One minute fifty-nine. He was going to meet his soulmate. He holds his arm out when he walks past Gaila and she grins at him with a thumbs up. He elbows Bones when he sits next to him, showing the one minute thirty-two. McCoy rolls his eyes, but pats him on the arm, eyes scanning the room for anyone they haven’t met.
Then he’s called down for cheating, asks to see his accuser, and time stops. It actually stops. In the room around them, and on his wrist. The Vulcan falters.
“Forgive me, there has been an error,” He says. “The charges are dropped.”
The entire assembly breaks out into chatter and whispers as the Vulcan stalks off. “Who was that pointy-eared bastard?” Jim asks, a little breathless. That was it, they had done it. They had locked eyes at the exact same moment, and ended their timers.
“I don’t know,” Bones says, suddenly at his side. “But don’t you think you should, I don’t know, go after him?"
She had barely made it out of town before a wave of heat washed over her from behind, moments later a fiery blast exploded just inches from her feet, sending her crashing to the ground.
She cried out in pain as her hands and knees took the brunt of the fall before she slid several feet and collapsed.
Pain lanced through her body, multiple areas began to sting from scrapes and bruises, but she barely registered anything but the panic in her chest. She knew he would catch up to her, he had always been inhumanly fast…now she knew why.
She sobbed and tried to scramble to her feet, but a heavy boot crashed into her side, knocking her sideways and sending her flying several yards.
She would’ve screamed from pain, but there was no air in her lungs. She crashed into the ground again, and this time lay there for a few moments, unable to breathe or move.
Her eyes watched helpless as he stalked toward her, calm and collected, prowling closer, a hand casually ruffling through his hair, fingertips brushing over one of the horns now sprouting from his head. He was toying with her, she knew she couldn’t run.
To celebrate our brain-sharing friendship and reaching 500 followers within days of each other, @kat2609 and I are thanking you awesome people with a series of two-for-one prompts!
We need a break from the angst, so @annytecture‘s prompt was perfect for this week: 18 + Captain Charming Hood, “This is without a doubt the stupidest plan you’ve ever had. Of course I’m in.” Robin will live on forever in fic, as far as I’m concerned.
one came about from a random idea I sent to Kath, who told me I had to
write it…Ann, you will appreciate it, as much as I appreciate flailing
with you!!! You are the best.
With a crash of bells, Killian dashed in the diner, ignoring Granny’s admonishment as he scanned the dining room for the man he sought. He let the door slam behind him once he located Robin, seated alone.
Without invitation, he slid into the empty booth and slammed the book he had in grasp down on the table, jarring Robin from his breakfast. “Mate, I’ve found it.”
“Look.” Killian pointed to the cover of the thin tome; Robin studied it, brows furrowing before his eyes widened when he realized just what it said.
Killian just grinned and nodded. “You and me; what do you say?”
Robin paused for a moment in thought, before smirking. “This is, without a doubt, the stupidest plan you’ve ever had. Of course I’m in.”
Halloween arrived a couple weeks later. David had pressed his friends for the past few weeks as to what they were dressing as, but both either brushed him off or said “oh, nothing,” so he gave up and bent to Snow’s request that he go as James Bond, suit and all, to her Bond Girl. (He certainly wasn’t going to complain about that.)
Emma was already at Granny’s when they arrived, dressed in black with a cat-ear headband, but sans pirate. “He’ll be here soon,” she told him when asked, but given her minimal getup, he assumed Killian also hadn’t done much. Regina was there, but didn’t believe in costumes or something, so David figured Robin would follow that train of thought.
Oh, how wrong he was.
Barely five minutes later, the door flew open, and two individuals dashed in. They cut through the crowd, zigzagging flashes of black, until jumping into a triumphant pose right in front of Emma. And David’s jaw dropped.
Killian had donned cape and cowl as Batman, and Robin was…well, Robin, short-shorts and all.
Once he got over his initial shock—because those were some damn good costumes (and he’d never say it out loud, but they wore them well)—David was actually kind of hurt at being left out. They were his best friends; how could they do something like this without him? Even Emma was in on it, apparently: the Catwoman to her beau’s Caped Crusader. Jeez.
So, before he could start sulking, Dave went to confront them, but he’d barely started when Henry interrupted.
“Sweet! Grandpa—it’s like you’re their Alfred!” David glanced down at his suit, and then back up at his friends, who were smirking back at him. He was about to protest (the butler? Really?), but Killian spoke up before he could.
“Of course! Batman wouldn’t exist without his trusty friend Alfred.”
“They’d hardly be able to save the day without everything he does,” Robin agreed.
Well, that got him blushing, though he tried to hide it. He was still miffed they’d left him out, but he could read between their lines. “Alright, I’ll be Alfred,” he consented.
“Excellent! So you’ll be fetching the rum?”
“Ha ha. Nope.”
The party carried on without any further drama (well, save for Leroy being ejected when he came dressed as Granny), though Dave did pull Killian aside at one point.
“Maybe, next year…we plan something? The three of us?”
“Of course, mate,” he agreed with a wink.
The following year, the trio boldly went as Starfleet’s finest: Robin as Captain Kirk, Killian as Spock, and David as a reluctant—but in-character—McCoy, who found himself cursing a pointy-eared bastard all night.