who need to go to bed

anonymous asked:

Flashback Friday: harry and missus having an argument (a playful one) about who will give 17-year- old maverick ”the talk” since he brought his first girlfriend home for dinner to meet his parents.

You were doing laundry one afternoon and Harry was at the studio, while Maverick, who was now a teenager was doing homework in the kitchen with his girlfriend. You had finished folding some clothes, so you went to put them away before going back downstairs. When you opened Maverick’s bedroom door, you were shocked to see him and his girlfriend making out on his bed. You ended up dropping the basket of clothes onto the ground and the two teenagers jumped off and away from each other.

“What are you two doing up here?” you asked.

“Uh, we… we were taking a break,” Maverick blushed.

“Break’s over, you two need to go finish up your studying before her parent’s pick her up,” you said.

They both quickly get up and the girl walks past you completely embarrassed, while Maverick looks over at you.

“Don’t- we’ll talk about this later when your father gets home,” you said.

He nodded and went back downstairs.


Later that night after dinner, Maverick was cleaning up the kitchen when you pulled Harry aside.

“You’re not going to believe what I saw today,” you mumbled.

“What?” He asked.

“Your son and his girlfriend snuck up to his room! They were making out on his bed and I’m pretty sure had I not interrupted they would have been doing more,” you whispered. “I think it’s time we gave him the sex talk… more specifically you.”

“What? Why me?” He groaned.

“Because your his father and I’m pretty sure he’d be embarrassed if I did it,” you said.

“But Y/N,” he groaned. “We’re his parents, we both should be there for it.”

“No, not going to happen,” you said. “You’re his father and you know what it’s like to be a horny teenage boy, who can’t keep it his pants… but you also need to tell him he needs to wait.”

“Like we did?” He said. “We were younger than him when we first fucked.”

“Watch your fucking mouth,” you said hitting his arm. “And yeah, you’re right, we didn’t wait, but look at what happened. I got pregnant remember? If I hadn’t lost the baby… our lives… your life could have been very different.”

He sighed. “I know, I know, but it’s just… I feel like telling him to wait is so unrealistic. He’s a teenager with raging hormones…”

“So you’d rather our teenage son just go on a fucking spree because he can’t control it?” You rolled your eyes. “Do you want to be a grandfather that badly?”

“That’s not what I meant!” He groaned. “This is why you should give him the talk.”

“We’ve been through this!” You said. “You’re the father. You’ve also a penis as well, so like that automatically means it’s your job. If Maverick was a girl, I’d totally do it.”

He rolled his eyes. “Sure, you would.”

“I would! Because I’d have to tell our daughter about getting her period, so I’d throw in the whole spill about sex,” you said.

“But what if he’s like already had sex…” he said.

“Well, then you just gotta tell him to be safe always…” you said. “And you definitely need to tell him about girls and how just because they said yes one time doesn’ t mean it’s an automatic yes from here on out.”

“See! This is why you need to be there too,” he said. “Yes, I have a dick, but he came out of -”

“Do not finish that fucking sentence Harry Edward Styles or you will not be seeing what he came out of anytime soon,” you said.

“Mum, Dad,” Maverick said.

You both looked over at him and his face was flushed.

“Son, your Mum told me what happened this afternoon and I think we need to sit down and have a bit of a chat,” he said.

He nodded and you all sat down in the living room.

“First off, I’d like to know if you’ve… if uh… have you ever had sex,” he started off with. “If you have, that’s okay, we won’t be angry with you, we just want you to be honest.”

Maverick blushed. “Do we have to talk about this?”

“Yes, we do, you’re old enough to have this talk. I had this talk with your Nana Anna when I was around your age,” he said. “You know she did a fabulous job with me, maybe we should just get her to do-”

“Harry, get on with it,” you rolled your eyes.

“Look, I get it, you’re a teenager and you’ve got all these feelings going on and I won’t lie to you, your Mum and I… we were teenagers when we first slept together,” he said.

“I don’t need to hear about this,” he groaned.

“Anyway, your Mum and I slept together and she got pregnant,” he said.

“But… I’m… you had me in your twenties,” he said confused.

“That’s because I lost that baby,” you said. “Had I not, our lives would have been very different. We would have been teen parents and that’s something you need to think about. Like your father said, it’s normal to have the want to have sex, but there are huge consequences to having it.”

“Exactly, there are STD’s, pregnancies as the physical things, but also emotional things too,” Harry said. “And that goes for the girl or whoever you sleep with, you need to make always make sure the other person is willing and wanting to have sex too. And even if they want to at first, but change their mind, they’re allowed to do that and you need to stop.”

“And if they said yes once, doesn’t mean they’re always going to say yes,” you said.

“So, basically what we’re saying is always be sure before you choose to have sex and if you and your partner are willing, you need to be safe. I have condoms in our room if you need them, but I’ll also take you to buy some if you want,” he said.

“Okay, like I really appreciate this talk, but uh… I’m not planning on having sex anytime soon,” Maverick said. “I mean yeah, like I want to, but I also don’t feel ready… is that normal?”

“Yes, it’s perfectly normal,” Harry nodded.

Maverick nodded. “So… are we done?”

“Yeah! You can go upstairs and uh… get ready for bed,” he said.

“Okay,” Maverick said quickly before running up the stairs taking two at a time.

“Well, uh, that was interesting,” Harry mumbled shaking his head while you giggled.

“Yep, and think we get to go through this three more times,” you joked. 

“Oh god,” he complained. 

anonymous asked:

So. I’m married to a man who gets a little physical when he’s really really angry or when I lose my patience. I feel like he only gets like this because he was in a 4yr relationship with a girl who abused him. It’s not an everyday thing, but last night was pretty bad. He kicked my face which led me to fall off the bed, grabbed my neck and the back of my hair to pick me up from the floor. I’m so scared and still shaken. But I need advice. Plz. Outta the 2 yrs this is the 5th incident.

Hi friend,

Please get somewhere safe. Do you have a friend you can stay with? A family member? My advice is to remove yourself from a dangerous environment. He’s not going to change unless he wants to and five times in two years is five times too many. Your husband is supposed to love you, and someone who loves you like Christ is not going to abuse you. 

Here is another ask I’ve answered that may be useful to you. <3

I’ll be praying for you and for your husband, friend. Please keep me posted and know that you are so loved. 

All my love,


It’s official. I have gotten a new computer and I’m currently working on getting all my preferences reset and all that fun jazz.

Currently waiting on my download for office 365 and I’ll be back up and running on all the writing content. 👍

To everyone who sent me some donations; thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Every bit counts and I’ll come up with something to give back to yall. 💙

I’m home from work with Man Flu and halfway through the afternoon was so exhausted after being awake for about four hours that I went back to bed and had a nap.

During my nap I found:

  • An amazing apartment
  • An amazing man
  • An amazing cat
  • Possibly the opening storyline to a new TV show

And then I woke to reality with post-nap disorientation and crushing disappointment. Who do I write to about getting that life back?

(The apartment was in Vienna though. It wasn’t very expensive but even in my dream I was like “How am I going to pay for this? Do I need to find a job in Vienna to afford the rent? I can’t even speak German. I’ve never been Vienna how did this happen?” Maybe dream boyfriend would have paid for it. He lived in the apartment next door and might as well have moved in. He was a drummer in a band, fyi).

Favorite Daddy Phrases


~Who’s in charge?
~Who owns you?
~What did I say?
~Do I make myself clear?
~Do you remember your rules?
~Do you need to be punished?
~What did you just say?
~Are you going to be a good girl?
~Who’s my good girl?
~Who do I love the most?
~How’s my little girl?
~What’s my little girl doing?
~Are you in little space?
~What are you coloring/drawing?
~How are your stuffies?
~Can Daddy join?
~Are you taking care of yourself?
~Have you eaten enough?
~Are you drinking enough?
~Have you taken your meds?
~Are you ready for bed?
~Are you snuggled in bed?


~Listen to Daddy
~Don’t disobey Daddy
~Do it for Daddy
~Be a good girl
~Speak up
~Use your words
~Stay close to Daddy
~Be safe
~Show Daddy what you’re wearing
~Show Daddy your favorite little outfits
~Show Daddy your coloring/drawing
~Show Daddy your favorite stuffies
~Tell Daddy about your day
~Go to bed, princess
~Close your eyes, baby


~Good girl
~You’re such a good girl
~I’m so proud of you!
~You did such a good job!
~I love you so much
~You’re my one and only
~I only want you
~I’m not going anywhere
~I promise
~You’re such a cutie!
~My little girl
~Daddy loves when you’re in little space
~You make Daddy so happy!

Pet Names:

~Baby Girl
~Little Girl
~Little One
~My Future Wife
~My Nerd
~My Dork
~My Girl
~My One and Only

How to wake up easily in the mornings!

Okay, so I love to sleep (who doesn’t!?) buuuut I always find myself feeling tired during the day, and recently I’ve come up with a couple of things to do to help myself (and now, others) sleep better, feel less tired and wake up more easily!

1. Get. Enough. Sleep. 

I know so many people who complain about being tired and it’s almost always because they stay up too late the night before. What they need is a sleep schedule, a set time to go to bed every night and wake up each day. I, being a young teen who can’t function without enough sleep, usually go to bed at 11 and wake up at 8 on nights that I don’t have school, and on nights that I do, I go to bed and wake up an hour earlier. 

2. Your bed is for sleeping and ONLY sleeping.

If you use your bed like a couch, watching Netflix and do your homework on it, your brain will begin to associate it with those things and not sleeping, making it harder to fall asleep at night. So don’t. By only using your bed for sleeping, your brain will start to think that bed=sleep, which helps you fall asleep faster each night.

I have a bunk bed, so I use the bottom bunk for whatever I like (usually scrolling through tumblr or watching Netflix) and when I feel it’s time to go to bed, I leave my phone on my desk and climb onto the top bunk and go to sleep. Bringing your phone to bed only encourages you to go on it and before you know it, your battery is dead and it’s 4am. So don’t. Just put the phone down for once. Eventually your brain will learn that bed=sleep and you’ll be able to get to sleep faster at night.

3. Waking up effectively.

This can be separated into 3 main points:

  • Don’t hit snooze, this is so tempting, but getting up as soon as your alarm goes off is key to being more productive in the mornings.
  • Drink a glass of water as soon a you wake up, this helps you feel more refreshed and keeps you hydrated (which Tumblr seems obsessed with haha)
  • This one’s more specific to me, but I figured that other people might find it useful too: Put on some music when you get up, dancing around my room to it while I’m getting dressed and ready for the day puts me in a really good mood and if I’m feeling happy I’m usually more productive too! (If you want to know what I’m listening to, my Spotify is laura_ann203)

This is my first original textpost, hopefully someone found it helpful? I’ll probably be making more of these in the future.

Feel free to reblog this so that other people can use these tips too!

A concept: Lup being up in the middle of the night a few days after the finale, because liches don’t sleep, and coming across Angus McDonald similarly not sleeping. Which is unacceptable. She is a grownup undead being who’s allowed to be up at three am, he’s a little boy and he needs to nap. However he proves remarkably resilient against being bullied into bed by someone who can, at best, make his hair kind of static-y and push stuff around on his desk, and saves his check against her Sleep spell, so she has to go on an epic quest for a Corporeal Person to put this child down for the night. Who will she wake up in the process? Probably everyone. 

l o v e - tom holland

summary: tom and y/n are so in love. from the way he looks at her to being the only one he truly adores. love was made for them. this is the ups and downs of being in love with tom holland.

notes: gif not mine based off the song by nat king cole. this was supposed to be something cute and small i wrote in an evening but here we are a week later with the longest fic i’ve ever written. please leave me your thoughts, i worked really hard on this!!

word count: 3542

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What can be done about gentrification?

I saw this on a reblog and I started answering it, but it turned into something I wanted to stand alone and not be tacked on to another post.

@rafi-dangelo I’m curious, I understand how harmful gentrification can be but what can actually be done about it? I really can’t think of anything.“

Nothing.  Movement of populations is natural and neighborhood demographics always change. But I'ma take a moment and describe the different ways irresponsible or disrespectful gentrification displaces and disregards the current residents.  This is all from a NYC point of view, but I’m sure it applies to other metro areas.

1) Choosing personal preference over neighborhood character.
I know plenty of people (mostly white, but some POC as well) who move to big cities from their small towns and they’re appalled at how little space you get for the money.  They want the same amount of living area they had in the suburbs of Omaha but they don’t have the money to pay for it in DUMBO or Chelsea or the Upper West Side or whatever.  So, instead of downsizing their expectations and living where they initially wanted, they move to brown neighborhoods where their money will go a lot further.  You don’t actually need that second bedroom so you can do yoga or work on your art projects.  You made the conscious decision to speed up gentrification in an area because you wanted more space than you could afford coming into a very expensive city to follow your dreams or whatever.

2) Using non-white neighborhoods as a transitional period.
I know plenty of people (again, mostly white) who will move to Harlem or Bed-Stuy or Washington Heights until their paycheck rises to a point where they can afford to move to a different neighborhood.  In terms of gentrification, it seems initially that it would be the proper way to do it – they didn’t stay for years and years and brown people can move back in after they leave.  But obviously that’s not how it works.  Businesses follow those transitional whites who make more money than the surrounding POC, but not enough money to live in the white neighborhoods they’re aspiring to.  So they bring with them the Starbuckses and the Whole Foodses and the juice bars, all business that lead to rapid increases in rents.  And then they get their raises or their careers advance and in a few years they’re gone.  It’s basically drive-by gentrification.  

3) Disregarding the local character.
I know plenty of people (mostly white) who have lived in gentrifying neighborhoods for years and have never met a neighbor.  Never gone to a community meeting.  Never gone to a block party.  I can accept that kind of passive existence, but then there are those who take it a step further to complain about things in the neighborhood that have been part of the fabric for decades before gentrification.  If you have a baby, don’t move to Washington Heights and rent an apartment on the main drag where all the clubs are and then call the police every night because of noise to the point where liquor licenses are threatened.  Don’t call the cops on the Ecuadorian lady selling dinner plates out of her living room for extra cash.  Don’t call the cops about the old Black dudes barbecuing on the sidewalk because they’re blocking the way.

Gentrification is a hard pill to swallow and there’s absolutely no way to prevent it.  However, as with most things, if you conduct yourself like a considerate human being, you can help mitigate the damages.

1) Think about where you’re moving.
If you tour a place on a block full of older buildings and you walk into your prospective apartment and everything is brand new, somebody probably just moved out (maybe not of their own volition) and the landlord renovated so he could jack the price up.  You can look up the history of a building and in NYC that’s helpful because shady landlords regularly force longtime tenants out of a building once the surrounding neighborhood starts to support a higher rental price due to the influx of gentrifiers.

2) Think about why you’re moving.
If you have X amount of dollars and you’re choosing between some neighborhood you love and another neighborhood you just plan to live in until you can afford the same amount of space in the neighborhood you love, ask yourself if you really need all of that space in the first place.  Sometimes the answer is yes, and that’s absolutely your prerogative.  I just want everyone to take a beat and seriously consider it first.

3) Don’t rent more than you can afford and then crowdsource the rest.
Y'all know I deleted a potential friend/date-person because they rented a two-bedroom they couldn’t afford with the intention of putting the other bedroom on Air BnB to cover the rest of the rent.  That is the most disrespectful form of gentrification.  You’re taking an apartment that was probably needed by a family who can no longer afford it because the landlord can get a much higher rent out of you…who also can’t afford it, but have the luxury of just being one person so you can crowdsource the rest of the rent.  It’s gross and there’s no part of me that will ever see someone in the same light once they rent an apartment with the explicit plan to cover the rent using a shared economy model.

4) Know where you’re moving and make sure you’re fine with the area as is.
Don’t move and then be shocked that a church is having choir practice on Wednesday night, the same practice they’ve had for the past three decades.  Don’t move and then decide the neighborhood is too loud.  Don’t move and then act like the Saturday afternoon block party is inconveniencing your life.  If you’re going to contribute to rising rents and corporate chains putting mom & pops out of business, the least you can do is let the people live and enjoy themselves the way they did before you got there.

I do recognize the benefits of gentrification, partly because I live in Harlem, partly because I follow trends and statistics, and partly because I recognize the unfortunate fact that a whole host of institutions from law enforcement to capital investment don’t give a damn about an area until white people move in and those improvements can benefit everyone, not just the new white folks.  But if you’re really committed to awareness, justice, and equality while also being a (possibly even reluctant) gentrifier, it’s your duty to make sure you’re doing it as responsibly as you can.

Nothing More [ IV ] [ Final ]

Genre [Rating] : Angst

Length: 3k

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

Summary: Watching the man you love love someone else was the most painful feeling in the world.

Nothing More Masterlist

Originally posted by angel-in-slow-motion

It was terrifying how much could change in a year. To think that just a few short weeks could change everything about you was daunting, but true. When you had left life felt like torture, like everywhere you looked there was something waiting to mock you. You were broken, your heart all but ashes when you boarded the first flight away, but you knew it was what you needed to do. You needed time away from it all to figure out what you wanted, to figure out who you were without all of the things you’d grown so used to. It was hard, leaving it all behind, like you just gave away a piece of yourself with no plans of ever getting it back.

Loving Byun Baekhyun was hard, but letting that love go, was harder.

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halloween sentence starters

Feel free to change pronouns or anything else !

at a party

  • “I love the decorations.”
  • “There are so many sexy kitties in here.”
  • “Am I the only one in costume?”
  • “I’m not sure if this room is full of strangers or if I just can’t recognize anyone because of the costumes.”
  • “Do I hear ‘Monster Mash’ playing?”
  • “Come on, let’s dance. Even the skeletons are doing it.”
  • “Did someone spike the punch?”
  • “I hate costume parties…”

at a haunted house

  • “This stuff’s for babies.”
  • “Hey, can we…go home? Not that I’m scared.”
  • “BOO!”
  • “Wait, are you actually scared?”
  • “FuCK NO–”
  • “That makeup is so realistic.”
  • “I paid $40 so I better die.”


  • “You should hang out with me later. I’m gonna marathon a bunch of movies.”
  • “[text] Hey, it’s me. I heard banging noises and I’m terrified. Please save me.”
  • “Halloween?? With friends?? What friends?”
  • “[text] I just heard some weird noises. [text] No I’m being serious. [text] I need you ri”
  • “I’m probably just going to stay up all night so the ghosts don’t kill me.”
  • “I’ll just be chilling with the monsters under my bed.”
  • “Maybe I’ll summon a demon so I have someone to hang out with.”
  • “Do ghosts like Netflix?”

with kids

  • “Don’t eat all your candy at once!”
  • “Aw~ I love your costume.”
  • “And who are you?”
  • “Look, man. You can’t give toothbrushes to kids on Halloween.”
  • “Trick or treat!”
  • “Let me check those before you eat them.”
  • “UGH, why am I stuck with a bunch of babies?”
  • “I wish it was socially acceptable for me to trick or treat on my own, but it’s not, so.”

with friends

  • “We should egg his/her/their house.”
  • “Help me with my costume!”
  • “Are you just going to wear a T-shirt that says ‘costume’ on it?”
  • “Should we be drinking this much?”
  • “The ouija board says you’re a little shit.”
  • “Let’s tell ghost stories.”
  • “Time to join the skeleton war, bitches.”

as a flirt

  • “You look so hot in that.”
  • “After being freaks, are we gonna get freaky?”
  • “[jumps into __’s arms out of fear]”
  • “Your outfit is scary…take it off.”
  • “I came in here expecting a trick, but you’re a real treat.”
  • “If I was in a scary movie, I’d want to be trapped with you.”
  • “You–uh–spooked…my heart.”
  • “I’d let you haunt me all night long.”


  • “Let’s carve a pumpkin!”
  • “I’d be a witch in another life.”
  • “I wonder if I still have that ouija board…”
  • “Do you believe in ghosts?”
  • “What costume are you wearing?”
  • “Let’s pull a prank.”
  • “I hate Halloween.”
  • “Can you tell me why you have an actual skeleton in your closet?”
Skyline {VI}

Originally posted by tomhollanderr

Warnings: Language, blood mention, panic attack

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Word count: 2.7k

A/N: Oh my god you guys!!  I have so much to discuss but first and foremost I want to thank all of you for making this story into what it is.  I started this story two weeks ago and in those two weeks I’ve gained almost 2000 followers and have had success that I never even dreamed of.  Thank you so much for all that you’ve done for me, for this story, and hopefully for stories I write in the future!!! Skyline wouldn’t be what it is today without you guys.  Secondly, there will be a pt. 7!!!  I know I keep saying this, but I really did mean for this to be the last part.  It’s just that there are so many things I want to include and plot points I want to flesh out, and although I feel bad for writing angst chapter after angst chapter, I want to give you guys my all and I don’t want to short change you.  Finally, I would like to thank my friends Zoe and Jen for helping me brainstorm ideas and helping finalize details and plot points.  I love you guys so so much!!  Also, everyone, again, I DO NOT HAVE A TAGS LIST!!! I put this at the beginning of every chapter, it’s in my bio, and I’ve made multiple posts but people keep spamming me about it.  I am truly not trying to be mean, but I do my best to respond to every ask and message I get, and having to sort through a million people asking the same question is hard guys!!!.  Before, I go, one last thing: because everyone has sent me in songs that they listen to that remind them of Skyline, I compiled them into a playlist along with ones I listen to!!  Please give it a listen and try to listen in order, as the songs follow the storyline.  Link is below.  Enjoy everyone!!

skyline: a mixtape

{part i} {part ii} {part iii} {part iv} {part v} 

Waking up the next morning was hard.  Sleep was like temporary amnesia, and when you awoke alone in bed, your hand automatically reached out for the note that Spider-Man always left before he disappeared every night.  Instead of feeling the usual smooth sheet of paper, however, you felt empty sheets that seemed colder than ever before.  It was then that the events of the previous night tumbled into your head, from your request to know Spider-Man’s identity, to him saying I love you for the first time, to you giving him up.

You groaned and rubbed your hand across your face, fatigue taking over.  More than anything, you wanted to fake an illness, stay in bed all day, and wallow in your thoughts, but you knew you had to get up. Although the breakup hurt you (did it count as a breakup if you were never really together in the first place?), you knew you made the right choice.  There was no way a relationship with a superhero would work out if the significant other didn’t know who they were; if you were to fall in love, you would need to be able to fall completely.

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me: im gonna do some fun requests tonight for a little relaxation ! im very excited to do the non-undertale ones

dark me: finally…. i have gently redesigned my patented flavor of frisk undertale……thank you thank you.. you are all so so welcome………

Serendipity | (M)

Originally posted by jengkook

❝ The occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way. After forgetting to click out of his pornhub incognito tab last night, you find yourself shoulder-to-shoulder with Jungkook at 3am watching the rest of it.❞

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anonymous asked:

as long as we're talking about stiles as hale bait, can i just say that i've always wanted to find an au fic in which stiles finds out that he accidentally has dated/slept with like half the hale family? like he and derek meet and start dating and it's totally love and then derek takes him home and oh shit. there's his first highschool girlfriend who things ended awkwardly with aka cousin malia. who has her mom's last name since her parents never got married.

and then cora comes downstairs and oh hey cora! awesome. they dated for a bit in college but there wasn’t much of a spark so it only last a few months and then they actually became total bros. like he’s still really good friends with her? he probably should have made the connection between hale and hale, but he met cora at berkeley and she doesn’t talk about her family that much so it didn’t occur to him. still this is getting kind of weird? and then there’s “cousin” (packmate) erica who stiles

had a brief friends with benefits kind of thing with last year. no big, right? and then oh shit why does that older guy sitting next to derek’s parents and leering at him look so familiar? or right, he met him at a club one time when he was in between significant other’s and they hooked up in the bathroom. and apparently he’s the father of his first girlfriend. awwwkward. stiles has never felt so uncomfortable and confused in his life. why is this happening to him?

what is up with this family and him? is he some kind of hale-sexual or something? he’d been operating under the assumption that he was bi, but apparently all the people he’s ever been attracted to are part of this family. derek meanwhile has wrapped himself jealously around stiles and is glaring at everyone is his family including his parents (who honestly do not have any designs on their son’s boyfriend) and laura. who has not stopped laughing since they figured out what was going on.

I need to read a long fic on this! 

Because at first Stiles is like, “Derek, are you punking me?” 

And Derek is all, “What?” 

“Are you punking me?” Stiles eyes grow wide. “Oh my god. Is this an intervention? Do I do something weird in bed and you all got together to tell me to stop it?” 

“Do you do something weird in bed.” It’s not even a question. Derek has no idea what the fuck is going on at this point. 

“Derek! These people are not your family.” 

“They are,” Derek says. 

“Oh. My. God.” Stiles is three shades paler than usual. “Derek, I have slept with all of these people.” 

“What?” It’s Derek’s turn to go pale. 

Stiles points them all out. “Malia, hi, haven’t see you since high school. Nice blonde girl from the bakery whose name escapes me now and I am so, so sorry, hello.” He swallows and his throat clicks. “Hot older dude from the club.” 

“Peter,” the man says, extending his hand. He flashes a wicked smile. “Peter Hale. I’m Malia’s father.” 

Stiles squeaks. 

Derek bats his hand away and growls. 

“Um, Cora, yep, really should have put that together, I guess,” Stiles says, raking his fingers through his hair. “Um, Isaac, right? From my political science class last year. And…” His jaw drops when Laura grins at him. 

“Laura lives in New York,” Derek growls. “She literally lives in New York.” 

“Second stall in the Terminal Three bathroom at LAX, right?” Laura asks, and gives Stiles the finger guns. 

“Oh god,” Stiles says. 

All in all, it’s one of Derek’s most interesting family dinners. Alan Deaton thinks it has something to do with their wolves being drawn to Stiles, in knowing that he’d be a good fit for the pack. Stiles is mortified, but Derek’s surprisingly okay with it. 

He’s just glad that when his parents finally made it downstairs that Stiles didn’t recognise them too… 

He takes quite a lot of comfort in that, actually. 

Context: Currently our four person party has split up to try and find information on how to contact the Matrons of the underground city we are in, as they are the only ones who can help us try and get our bodies back. Karlie, a previous half-elf, now dwarf ranger and Salt, a previous dragon-born, now wood elf witch (me) have reached a brothel where after a few questions, we now have a lead on were they can find one of the Matrons son. Previously, due to the body swap, Salt has lost her son, which due to her witch archetype of Matriarch, she needs a child to get advantage on saving throws and ability checks. So this is where I decide to try and remedy that

Karlie (OOC): So are we done here?

Salt (OOC): Wait hold up. (In character, to the Brothel owner) Excuse me, I have an odd request.

DM: Certainly! We have plenty fine specimen here to help you with any needs you may have.

Salt: Alright, well to be frank I just need sperm? 

The entire party starts to laugh.

Salt: You see I have no need for physical pleasures and I just need to get pregnant so…

DM: Well I’ll show what we have and then you can decide, hmm?

Karlie: *completely done with me already* I’m staying here!

After a brief conversation, and seeing as I seem uninterested in the men the owner has shown me, the DM then says.

DM: Well, we do have one more, (she laughs,OOC) okay so the Owner of the Brothel leads you upstairs to a large suite, with a round king size bed in the center. On that bed is a completely naked dragon-born who is in a “paint me like one your french girls” pose with a sheet covering his crotch.

I start to cackle as the guy who plays Karlie screams into his hands.

Salt: Oh yes definitely this guy. Okay so do you have a bucket he can just jack and go in?

DM (OOC): You’re gonna have to role disadvantage for the bucket.

Salt: Oh, um (OOC) I need a second opinion. I go get Karlie and bring him upstairs.

Karlie (OOC): NO

Salt: So I don’t know what to do here, and I need to get pregnant, but I don’t want to do him.

Karlie: If you won’t do him I will.

Salt (OOC): *Laughing* okay, fine, I do it.

DM: Do you role to have a good time?

Salt (OOC): Okay sure. *roles a 18*

DM: You have a VERY good time.

Karlie (OOC): Karlie is just sobbing into his hands downstairs. 

Salt (OOC): So am I pregnant?

DM: Yeah, congratulations!

I cheer and fist bump the air as the Karlie player lays his head on the table.  

Fast forward to the final boss fight, Karlie pulls a card from his Deck of Many Things. The party seeing the DM smile, fear the worst.

DM: Okay I can’t believe I’m doing this but Karlie flings his card down onto the ground and there is a bright flash of light and there stands Salt’s baby daddy, completely naked, because you pulled the summon a level four fighter. 

I die of laughter as Karlie’s player actual dies.

Part 6 of my Studyblr University Orientation Week

I see a lot of people on studyblr talking about dealing with stress and anxiety over grades and perfectionism, but not a lot of discussion of being mentally ill and in university/college. So if you’re looking for stress reduction stuff, this post is not for you. This is for my mentally ill peeps. 

I just want to preface this with a little disclaimer. This is based on my own experience. I have depression, anxiety, ADD and OCD. I don’t know everything. I still have a lot of trouble coping, particularly with the last two as they were only recently diagnosed. This is just meant to be a few useful tips that might help a little bit. 

  • Go see a therapist. Even if you think you’re doing okay, it’s still good to have that support system there if you need it. Your therapist can also give you coping mechanisms that are tailored to your specific needs. They may also suggest you go on medication or refer you to a doctor who can prescribe it. 

  • If you are taking medication, set a reminder on your phone so that you take it at the same time every day. 

  • Set about sixteen alarms in the morning, starting half an hour before you want to wake up and spread about five to ten minutes apart. If you’re anything like me and have a lot of trouble getting to sleep, you probably have a lot of trouble getting up in the morning. This technique is a lifesaver. Also change up the alarm ~once a month. I find that my body gets used to it after a while and I just sleep right through it. 

  • Register with your school’s disability services. Yes, your mental illness is a disability. They’ll be able to help with accommodations (this could be anything from extra time on exams to extensions on your assignments). 

  • If you think that you might be handing in a paper late because depression is kicking your ass, message your professor at least a week in advance. If you tell them two days before, they’re not going to care. And if you end up not needing the extension, that’s okay. It’s better for it to be there if you need it. 

  • Headphones. Everywhere. People are stupid and loud and it’s overwhelming as fuck. Wear them right up until the prof starts lecturing. Do NOT wear them during the lecture though, your prof will hate you - though you may be able to discuss it with your prof the first week. idk, maybe you have cool profs who get it. 

  • Make a friend in your class that you can get notes from in case you can’t get out of bed. I mean this is good for anyone in case of illness in general, but yeah. Depression. Woohoo. 

  • It’s okay if you need to take a lighter course load because of your mental health. Loads of people do it. 

  • Related: It’s okay if you take 5+ years to complete your degree. You’ll get there. 

  • AD(H)D friends who stim: That’s super great and you totally should. But please do not leg bounce when you’re at a desk that has all the chairs connected to it. You will shake everybody’s seat and distract them. I get the urge to leg bounce (fuck, I’m leg bouncing rn) but please try a different stim if you could. Or bounce gently. Just no earthquakes (no joke, I literally thought it was an earthquake once and was super confused why no one else was panicking. i learned nothing that day, I was so distracted). 

  • Fidget toys are the best things ever and you can use them in lecture (provided they don’t make too much noise because your prof might yell at you for that). 

  • Bathrooms are your new best friend for panic attacks. Hide in a stall and take a few deep breaths to calm down. There’s a lot less noise there and you’re less likely to be disturbed than if you go to a stairwell. 

  • Breathe in for 5, hold for 5, out for 7. 

  • 5-4-3-2-1: Find five things in the room that are blue. Four things that are yellow. Three that are pink. Two that are purple. One that is green. You can substitute this with any colours you like. You can also do ones like “think of five things that start with f (and so on)” or “five tv shows that you like, four books, etc.” if you’re somewhere without a lot of colours (or in your handy bathroom stall). Repeat with new criteria or new answers until calm. 

  • If you’ve been crying and don’t want people to know: grab some paper towels, run some cold water on them. Wipe your eyes with them. Pat your cheeks with them. It makes less of a mess than splashing your face will and I find that it helps me a lot more. 

  • Schedule the shit out of your life. You won’t forget important meetings or things like eating dinner (whoops). 

  • Make sure that you give yourself plenty of breaks during the day. Gotta conserve that energy, yo. 

  • Find out when the library’s quietest and grab your books then. Same deal with the bookstore at the beginning of the year and buying your books. Please, the bookstore is scary when it’s busy. Save yourself. 

  • Frozen dinners are cheap, easy to make, and require next to no energy. Same with cereal, ramen, and most pasta. And egg sandwiches (two eggs, hot sauce, and mayonnaise. Best thing ever.). 

  • Great questions to ask the people who sit next to you in class: What’s your name (preface this with “Hi, I’m *blank*”)? What are you studying? Where are you from? How are you liking the class? 

  • If you’re having trouble getting started, try for ten minutes. You may find that it’s easy to keep going after that. Or maybe you’ll need to stop but at least you’ll have gotten ten minutes of work in. 

  • You’re doing great. This is a really hard thing that you’re doing right now, but you’ve got it.