God, I have no desire to do anything. I didn’t accomplish anything this week at work. I can’t write. I don’t feel like reading. I don’t feel like updating this blog. I don’t want to watch television or play video games, even mindless distraction gives me nausea.
I’m sick of politics. I’m tired of the same regurgitated dialogue and everyone’s false optimism and self-indulgent outrage. I’m tired of thinkpiece culture, of our pathological inability to distinguish between editorials and analysis, between offense and reflection.
I feel like every new thing is idiotic, and every old thing is tired. I don’t want to have to speak to another human being ever again.
I do want to sleep, but I often can’t. I don’t know if I want to live or die, and I certainly don’t want to choose.
Some thoughts re 11x13, Sam’s comment about Dean needing to be a martyr, and the differences between how Dean and Sam have experienced sacrifice:
It’s always interesting/awkward watching Sam try to take on more of a protective role. I do think watching Dean die, watching him struggle with the mark, has changed the way Sam sees his brother in a fundamental way. It’s made Sam much more aware of Dean’s fragility, which is nice. But as many people are prone to doing when they try a little too hard to empathize with someone who’s actually quite different, Sam also seems to be projecting his own issues onto Dean in his attempt to understand him more deeply.
What’s this: This is a series I’ve decided to write. It’s about you, the reader, moving into a new city and having to go to a new school.
A/N: OMG! This is my favorite chapter so far! I really hope this chapter gives these two under dogs the love they deserve. The only thing is, you know one, the other is a mystery. Even though it’s a short chapter I hope you enjoy!
”Roth?” Jacob asked as he dragged you into the auditorium.
”Yes Jacob my dear?” Roth said as Jacob made a tiny grimace and shuttered.
”Sorry I was late, I was just wondering if (Y/N) could join?”
“Why of course!” Roth said with a grin and a hand shake. “The more the merrier!” When he let go of your hand he handed you a packet of paper. “Today people are starting to rehearse for the Cinderella musical try outs.” You nodded and walked toward your group of friends.
”Hey guys!” They all turned around and grinned.
While all of you talked you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned around to see Altaïr standing there. “Hey (Y/N), I was wondering if you’d like to rehearse with me? You see Maria was suppose to, but she’s probably off fucking some other dude.” You and all your friends laughed as you accepted his offer. The two of you got almost the whole audition scene memorized by the time Roth told you all it was time to leave. You waved to Altaïr and went to grab your stuff.
”You must be special.” You looked over your shoulder to see Desmond.
”Hey Des,” you said as you started to walk with him. “So why?”
“Altaïr never acts like that around most people, trust me I should know. I’m his cousin,” Desmond said as he held the door open for you. As you walked out the Frye’s passed you.
”(Y/N),” Lydia said. “We aren’t gonna be able to walk you home, got to help the fam,” she said with a shrug. You gave her a thumbs up and nod as she caught up to her cousins.
”Do you want me to walk you home?”
“No you don’t have to, I’ll be fine,” you said as you gave Desmond a reassuring smile. He smiled and started to walk away. Before you could pick up your feet you saw Maria pop out from behind the school.
”You better stay away from Altaïr,” she hissed.
”Do I even get a hello? And plus, how do you know? You skipped practice.”
“I have eyes everywhere.” The next thing she did was unexpected. She punched you in the lip. You hissed and put your hand to your face. Blood. She hit again and instead go your eye. Great, now a black eye. She was about to hit you again, but the sound of a car horn stopped her. The car then stopped and out can a man with a moustache and blond hair that was styled up like a young Robert Redford. He was quite handsome.
”Maria,” he growled. His Russian accent filling the cold winter air.
”Oh look, Vladimir’s gonna stop me,” she scoffed.
“Отвяжись,“ the Russian sneered. Maria rolled her eyes and walked to her car. The Russian man then walked up to you and gently touched your lip. You hissed and jerked back. “Just a cut.” He said.
”Thank you,” you mumbled as you touched around your eye. “What’s your name?”
”Nikolai, Nikolai Orelov,” he said with a small smile. He shook your hand.
”I’m (Y/N) (L/N),” you said. “I’m new here.”
”I can tell,” he said with a chuckle. “You must of talked to Altaïr if she already hates your guts.”
”Well don’t mind her,” Nikolai then started to walk back to his car but stopped. “Would you like a ride?” You stood there and though for a moment. I should really be smart and say no, but either way, if this guys doesn’t kill me then Maria surely will.
”I have nothing to lose.”
The man flashed you a slight smile as he walked back to his car.
“So where do you live? Or do you want me to drop you off a few blocks away? Or-”
“I actually live not that far. You see I was going to walk home with the Frye’s but they’re busy as of now.”
Nikolai stopped his car in front of your house. You got out, smiled, and started to walk inside until you heard the slam of a car door. You looked to your right to see Nikolai hop out of his car. “Well, it was nice to meet you, neighbor.”
You smiled as you watched him walk into his house. You then started to head inside the comfort of your own home when you felt your phone vibrate. You pulled it out of your pocket to see that Élise was calling you. “Hey,” you said after you slid your finger across the screen.
“Are you alright?” she asked.
“Maria came into my father’s café to brag about beating you up,” she said with a scoff. “For some reason she thinks that her and I are still best friends.”
“It wouldn’t surprise me that she did that,” you said nonchalantly. “Good thing someone stopped her.”
“And let me guess who that person is,” Élise said. You could sense the wry smile she wore. “Altaïr.”
“Nope.” You heard her mumble what before she continued to guess.
“Connor? Shay? Clay! It was Clay!”
“Do you want me to tell you?” you asked with a sigh and chuckle.
“A kid named Nikolai Orelov.”
“You actually got a word out of Nikolai Orelov?”
“Yes, why?” Before she could respond you heard a knock on the door. “Élise, I’m sorry but I’m gonna have to call you back.” You hung up the phone and walked back toward the door. You opened it up to see Nikolai standing there with a first-aid kit.
“I almost forgot about you,” he said with a nervous chuckle. You were confused at first but then you remembered you lip and eye.
“Don’t worry, I almost forgot too.” The both of you laughed as you let him in. You both then sat down an the sofa as he started to patch you up.
“There,” Nikolai mumbled as he moved his hands away from your face. You looked up and finally got a better look at him. He looked like a familiar face, but you couldn’t quite find the memory of that specific person.
“Thank you,” you said with a grateful smile.
“It was nothing,” Nikolai said with a smile that also looked familiar. “I’m just happy to help someone in need, or help someone who also hates Maria with a burning passion.” You chuckled as you escorted Nikolai out. As he walked back to his house you got a call from your mom.
“Hi mom,” you said as you closed the door behind you.
“Hi sweetheart. I’m just calling to ask about your day.” You told her about your day. She was pissed and upset about the whole Maria thing, but was glad you enjoyed the rest of your day.
“Well, I’m gonna pick up a pizza for tonight. Is there anything you want me to get you?”
“Some pain killers please. I’ve have a huge headache.”
“Sure thing, I’ll see you in a half hour. Bye.”
When you hung up that call you quickly found Élise’s name and called her. “So what were you saying about Nikolai?”
“Nothing, it’s just that not many people know much about him. He’s very quiet, yet one of the cutest guys in school. Girls have tried to get him to open up, but to no avail.”
“Well it’s cause he’s Russian.”
“Racist,” Élise teased.
“What? No! It’s not like that! You see, I dated a Russian guy once. He was really sweet, but then he changed. He started doing drugs, he got piercing, and started hanging out with all the wrong people. So, I dumped him.”
Élise was silent as she processed all the information. “What,” she quietly mumbled. “Do you remember his name?”
‘I can’t keep
doing this, Rose.’ Luisa said, pulling herself out of Rose’s embrace, sitting
on the side of the bed.
‘Why not?’ Rose smiled,
tossing her hair over her shoulder, reaching out to put a hand on Luisa’s
Luisa didn’t mean
to, but she tensed as soon as Rose touched her. Normally she would welcome any
contact Rose offered, but she had been stuck in her own head for too long now.
She couldn’t enjoy all these empty touches any longer. For Rose she was just a
fun distraction, but for her it had become more difficult to leave every time.
She wanted more than just sex, but Rose had made it very clear that she wasn’t
interested in that. And Luisa knew that if they continued this, she would fall
‘Because you are
married, to my father. And this relationship can never go anywhere. And each
time I see you, when I get to hold you, I keep thinking I want more.’
‘We can’t do that.’
Rose said, averting her eyes as she withdrew her hand.
‘I know. That’s
why we have to stop. It is breaking me apart.’
‘If that is what
you want…’ Rose said, fidgeting with the diamond ring on her finger.
‘It is not what I
want at all!’ Luisa said, getting desperate, wishing Rose would understand. ‘I
want you! I want all of you! And you can’t give me that. I need this to stop. I don’t want it to!’ Luisa said, feeling tears
spring into her eyes as she started searching for her clothes. She had to get
out of here.
‘You knew this was
all I could give you from the beginning.’ Rose said, putting on a dressing gown
as she watched Luisa get dressed.
‘And I thought I
could handle it. But somewhere along the way, I fell for you. And I cannot keep
doing this. Goodbye, Rose.’ Luisa said, harshly wiping at her tears as she
stormed out of the door.
Rose said, her voice catching in her throat. ‘I am falling for you too.’ she
finished softly, but Luisa was already too far away to hear.
he’s a bit of a flirt, but I’m ‘a give it a chance I asked about his family, did you see his answer? his hands started fidgeting, he looked askance he’s p e n n i l e s s, he’s flying by the seat of his pants
IMAGINE FINN BEING TERRIFIED OF LOVE BECAUSE IT’S A SIGN OF WEAKNESS AND SICKNESS IN THE FIRST ORDER AND THEY’RE TAUGHT THAT IT’S A HORRIBLE, DEBILITATING, UNNATURAL THING, AND IMAGINE POE SLOWLY REALISING THIS AND GRADUALLY, CAREFULLY COAXING HIM OUT OF HIS SHELL, SHOWING HOW WONDERFUL AND BOLSTERING AND POWERFUL LOVE CAN BE, ALL THE WHILE MAKING SURE HE’S TAKING HIS TIME AND NOT FORCING FINN, AND FINN SLOWLY, WARILY LEARNING TO LOVE LOVE
GOOD PLACEMENTS FOR LAWYERS - Sun in Libra, Virgo, Aquarius, or Capricorn - Moon in Libra, Virgo, or Aquarius - Mercury in Virgo, Capricorn, or Gemini - Jupiter in Libra, Aquarius, or Scorpio - Saturn in Libra, Virgo, or Aquarius - Jupiter or Saturn in the first house - Jupiter/Sun/Moon/Mercury in the eleventh house - Jupiter/Mercury in the seventh house - Neptune very far away from Mercury/Rising but not in opposition - Aquarius, Capricorn, Libra, Virgo, or Leo Rising - Aquarius, Virgo, Leo, or Libra Midheaven - Sun conjunct Mercury/Saturn - Mercury conjunct Pluto - Saturn in positive aspect to Sun/Moon/Mercury/Mars/Jupiter - Libra, Virgo, Aquarius, or Capricorn dominance - Earth or air dominance - Dominant tenth house - Tenth house stellium
GOOD PLACEMENTS FOR PSYCHOLOGISTS - Sun in Pisces, Aquarius, Sagittarius, or Scorpio - Moon in Pisces, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Cancer, or Gemini - Mercury in Pisces, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Gemini, or Virgo - Jupiter in Pisces, Scorpio, Cancer, Virgo, or Gemini - Pretty much any planet in the eighth house except Saturn - Mercury/Neptune/Moon in the twelfth house - Moon/Neptune in the seventh house - Chiron in the first house - Virgo, Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio, Aquarius, Gemini, or Sagittarius Rising - Pisces or Scorpio Midheaven - Sun/Moon/Mercury/Ascendant conjunct Pluto - Pluto in positive aspect to Ascendant/Sun/Moon/Mercury/Mars/Saturn - Scorpio, Pisces, or Sagittarius dominance - Water or air dominance - Dominant seventh, eighth, or ninth house - Eighth house stellium
GOOD PLACEMENTS FOR POLITICIANS - Sun in Gemini, Virgo, Aquarius, Scorpio, or Leo - Moon in Gemini, Virgo, Aquarius, Scorpio, Libra, or Leo - Mercury in Virgo, Capricorn, Libra, or Leo - Mars in Virgo, Capricorn, Taurus, Libra, or Aquarius - Jupiter in Sagittarius, Aquarius, Pisces, Cancer, or Libra - Saturn in Capricorn, Scorpio, Aquarius, or Libra - Moon/Jupiter/Saturn/Mercury/Uranus/Venus in the first house - Jupiter in the second house - Jupiter/Sun/Moon/Mars/Venus/Uranus/Pluto in the tenth house - Sun/Moon/Venus/Pluto/Jupiter/Uranus/Mars in the eleventh house - Virgo, Capricorn, Libra, Leo, or Aquarius Rising - Virgo, Capricorn, Libra, Leo, Aquarius, or Scorpio Midheaven - Sun conjunct Mercury - Ascendant conjunct Mercury/Venus/Jupiter - Sun/Ascendant in positive aspect to Moon/Mercury/Venus/Uranus/Jupiter - Leo, Gemini, Virgo, or Aquarius dominance - Fire, air, or earth dominance - First or eleventh house dominance - Eleventh house stellium
GOOD PLACEMENTS FOR TEACHERS - Sun in Pisces, Sagittarius, Scorpio, or Virgo - Moon in Sagittarius, Cancer, Virgo, or Aquarius - Mercury in Capricorn, Cancer, Virgo, or Aquarius - Venus in Gemini, Pisces, or Virgo - Jupiter in Sagittarius - Saturn in Virgo, Gemini, Aquarius, Sagittarius, or Cancer - Jupiter/Mercury in the first house - Jupiter/Mercury/Moon/Saturn in the third or ninth house - Sun/Mars in the ninth or tenth house - Aquarius, Pisces, Sagittarius, Cancer, Virgo, or Scorpio Rising - Aquarius, Pisces, Sagittarius, Cancer, or Virgo Midheaven - Sun/Moon/Mercury conjunct/in positive aspect to Jupiter - Mars/Venus conjunct Jupiter (though that can be tricky) - Sagittarius, Pisces, Aquarius, or Virgo dominance - Earth dominance - Third, seventh, ninth, or eleventh house dominance - Third, ninth, or eleventh house dominance
GOOD PLACEMENTS FOR SCIENTISTS - Sun in Pisces, Sagittarius, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn, or Aquarius - Moon in Virgo, Gemini, Scorpio, Sagittarius, or Aquarius - Mercury in Virgo, Sagittarius, Capricorn, or Aquarius - Saturn in Virgo, Capricorn, or Aquarius - Sun/Moon/Mercury in the third or ninth house - Jupiter/Saturn in the first, third, ninth, or tenth house - Aquarius, Virgo, Pisces, Sagittarius, or Scorpio Rising - Aquarius, Virgo, Pisces, Sagittarius, or Gemini Midheaven - Sun/Moon in positive aspect to Mars/Mercury/Uranus/Pluto - Mercury/Ascendant in positive aspect to Mars/Uranus/Pluto - Sagittarius, Virgo, Aquarius, Capricorn, or Scorpio dominance - Earth or air dominance - Dominant ninth house or ninth house stellium