It’s so bizarre to try and explain your love for a celebrity and why something horrendous happening to them (like losing a parent) affects you so much. But like, this person, without question /is part of my life/. They’re in my car with me when I drive to work, they’re in my living room when I’m watching an interview. A piece of them that they spent time and effort to create is with me, it’s making me react, it’s making me feel things. When they talk about the song I drive to work to, I relate to it, I understand it, it connects me to them. When they joke in an interview it makes me laugh, when they tweet about about a feeling I /get/ it.
This love you might have for a celebrity, it’s hard to describe. It’s not the kind of love you’ll have for your family, it’s not the kind of love you’ll have for your best friend. It’s not the kind of love someone in /their/ family or friend circle will feel for them. It’s very different, but it’s still love. It’s there, I can feel it, I know what it is. Love is abstract, you can’t stick a thermometer in my heart and go “nope it’s not love”. It just is.
In a way, all these little pieces that they’re sharing with the world become part of your life, they’re things you know and feel familiarity towards. Sometimes, when you’re having a bad day this person, without even knowing, might be the only reason you smile. When you’re so anxious the thought of just seeing another person makes your throat close up, they might be the reason you laugh. It’s bizarre because they aren’t consciously aware of it, they don’t know how these things they share are affecting other people.
So it’s like, Louis, I don’t know you, we’ve never spoken, you wouldn’t recognize me in the street. There’s a whole, huge part of your life I don’t have a clue about, But you’ve been apart of my life for 4 years, you’ve been with me through moments I didn’t want anyone else around. There’s a warmth in my chest because of songs you’ve created and words you’ve said, things you’ve done and faces you’ve made. There’s familiarity, there’s happiness, there’s laughter and /emotion/ in my life because of you.
And because of the way you’re a part of my life, in a rather unconventional way, you’re a friend. There’s a relationship that can’t be explained because you have to experience it to understand it, but it’s there, it’s real. And in the same way you make me happy when you laugh or when you sing, I feel sad when you’re sad, my heart aches when you’re hurting. And part of that might just be a symptom of humanity, a reaction we all might have when we hear bad news.
Most of it though, most of it is that because of the person you are, the way you’ve chosen to be, I felt something that drew me to you. That feeling has expanded beyond just a love of what you create, but it’s grown into a love for who you are as a person. most people can’t grasp that, and it’s very challenging to articulate, but it’s there. And so, I want the world for you, I wish I could lessen your pain because without even knowing, you’ve done it for me.