I’ll make this feel like home – parivan
Author’s Note: wrote this in 3 hours and i’m actually really proud of it. so sorry if i used the wrong grammar by the way - this isn’t proof read or anything. i hope y‘all like it! Also: guess where I got the title from
Summary: Home is being around people who can drive you absolutely crazy one moment and make you feel like a million dollars the next. It’s knowing that no matter how hard times get, someone is there for you.// fluff.
It has always been Ben and Cassie. Not Ben and Cassie. It was never Ben and Cassie. It has always been BenandCassie ever since day one. They always have a way to find each other – them just sitting next to each other in silence during the night when they couldn’t sleep, enjoying each other’s company, feeling like there’s nothing to worry about in the world (Cassie knows it’s not true, but having him around makes her feel that way – at least for a moment) .
It’s strange, Cassie muses. They knew each other from way back but she realized how they never really talked (“Nice phone case.” ISN’T a good way to start a conversation) to each other until the day fate decided to cross their paths together at Wright Patterson. Until he walked towards her when she was looking for the stars. Until they sat together during dinner smiling at each other.
Old Cassie would think she knows everything about Ben Parish, but Cassie knows it’s not true. The boy she has been admiring from afar is much more different to what she had thought. He’s changed. He’s still the same Ben Parish as he was a few months ago, but at the same time, he’s not the same guy Cassie had fallen head over heels to in the first place (the million dollar smile stays though – she hates how she’s still not used to seeing him smile at her with that thousand watt smile, her stomach still erupts with butterflies)
It’s weird too, Cassie thinks. Even though they didn’t really know each other back then – they were inseparable. It’s not a rare sight to see him suddenly sitting down beside her in the middle of the night, it’s not a rare sight for her to see him running towards her after he went into the woods, it’s not a rare sight for him to see her waiting for him to come back either. They learn about each other better in the past month – she knows his weaknesses now, she likes knowing that he’s vulnerable at times and that she could be there for him if it happens. She likes being the only one who gets to call him Ben instead of Zombie, and she likes how her name rolls out of his mouth so smoothly. She likes not having to be worried about staying too late in the middle of the night alone because he’ll always come towards her then. She likes how she doesn’t need to be shy around him when she wants to talk, she likes how he’ll just listen to her intently with his brows furrowed together like he’s thinking. She likes the feeling when he’s around her because he makes her feel important like she belongs in this world, and he makes her feel like she deserves everything right in this world.
She knows she’s whipped for him. She has been knowing the fact for years now, but the feeling just got too real, like her heart just wants to burst now everytime she sees him walking towards her to tease her. Like there are butterflies waiting to erupt inside her stomach every time he stands a little too close to her (she learns that Ben doesn’t understand the meaning of personal space, but she’s okay with it). She knows she’s whipped when he kisses her- when he pulls her face closer to kiss her softly (“I’ve been wanting a taste of that lips for so long,” he had admitted to her the first time they kissed. “How did it taste like?” she had asked back, and instead of answering, he had pulled her closer to kiss her again). She’s addicted to the way their lips move in sync towards each other in a rhythm and how his lips tastes. He’s not the only one who has been wanting a taste for so long.
She couldn’t really explain how being with him is. She has always been good with words but every time Ben Parish crosses into her mind, she couldn’t find the right word to describe him. But it’s alright, she thinks, because her mind always goes blank every time he pulls her into one of his warm loving embrace after a rough day, not caring about anything else in the world but the beautiful boy in front of her. Everything disappears for a moment when he wraps his arms around her waist, and all she can think about is Ben. Ben. Ben. Ben.
She will never get tired of hearing his heartbeats when she presses her head closer to his chest as she curls up closer to him. She will never get tired of watching his face lit up when she comes up to him and sneaks her arms around him from behind because she knows how much he loves that. (She will never get tired of hearing the rest of the squad complain about them having too much PDA because they don’t have too much PDA. At least, not in their mind). She will never get tired of intertwining their hands together, seeing how her hand fits perfectly inside his huge one.
It’s another world when Cassie’s with him. There’s no darkness – everything’s nice. Everything feels like how it’s supposed to be. Cassie feels alright when they’re wrapped up inside their own world. Cassie doesn’t need to pretend to be somebody she isn’t when they’re there because it doesn’t matter who she is when they’re there. All that matters are him and her wrapped around each other’s company and warmth.
“Cassie?” Cassie blinks, looking up at Ben’s face from where she’s laying down on his chest. “What are you thinking?” he asks sleepily from behind his eyelids. Cassie smiles as she adjust herself inside his embrace, softly stroking his cheek with one of her hands. He smiles back at her groggily, and her heart melts at seeing the sight.
“Nothing,” she whispers. “Go back to sleep.”
“Hmm,” He closes his eyes again, murmuring as he leans his head onto her shoulder. “But I wanna knooow.”
“I’m just thinking about home that’s all,” she says.
“Oh.” There was a short silence. “Do you miss it?”
“Yeah,” she replies again, tangling her hands in his hair. “But that’s okay. I have Sam. I have the squad.” She stops for a second, “I have you now. I don’t have a home now, but I have you, so that’s alright.”
He tightens his grip around her, “you have me now.”
She smiles at him, “I know. Ben?” He whispers a ‘yes’ into her shoulder. “You’re my home. Thank you for being my home.”