who I am

10
Can’t imagine what it’d be like, without the sounds of all my heroes singing all my favorite songs so I can sing along

Camp Rock (2008) Dir. Matthew Diamond ✰ June 20th, 2008

I am so gay because 40% of all homeless youth are LGBTQ
I am so gay because one in 12 trans people will be murdered
I am so gay because the same systems say gay people are less than and need to obliged by our standards of what is normal are the same system that justify police brutality, discrimination, voter discrimination laws.
But most importantly i am so gay because loving resources that provides me with so much strength like my parents that it would be selfish and wrong not to share that with the people that do not have them yet.
-Thomas Lloyd, Why Am I So Gay
- اعتراف :

يجب أنْ أعترف بأنّني مِنْ الأشخاص الذّين لا يُطاقون في نهايةِ الأمر، أولئك الذّين يَشعرون أكثر مما ينبغي، الذّين يحتاجون لِكلمات مُعينة يَسمعونها، و أنّ لا كلمات تُدهشهم غير تلك التي استبقوها في مُخيلتهم، إنّني مِنْ تلك الفئة المَلولة التي ترفض الأشياء المُكررة، و الكلمات المُعادة، و الوجوه المُتشابهة، فئة المَجانين الذّين يعيشون في هروبٍ دائمٍ مِنْ كل التفاصيل، و يَضلّون طريقهم غالباً و مِن ثُم يجلسون يبكون بتَفاهة مُستفزة، و رُغم ذلك فإنّني أعتقد أنّ الأسوأ مِن هذا هو كوني شخصاً مُتناقضاً و مزاجياً إلى حد يُسبب الدُوخة - لي أولاً - !

سَتجدُني تارة مُغنياً مجنوناً مُولعاً بالصخب، مرّة أُخرى سَتجدُني كاتباً كئيباً تُوشك أنْ تكون أطراف أصابعه زرقاء داكنة أو رماديْة اللون، مرّة ثالثة ستجدُني طفلاً طيباً له عينين صافيتين، و قد تجدُني أيضاً شخصاً عاديّاً و مُملاً كالذّي يقوم بدور أحد المارة في مشهدٍ ما، و قد تَراني ذكيّاً جداً أحياناً و غبياً بِفداحة أحياناً أخرى، و لا تتعجب إنْ رأيتني أُحبّك بِشدة في لحظة و في اللحظة التي تَليها مُباشرة أَطرُدك ! 

و لكنّي على أيّة حال أظُنني شخص طيّب، أقلُّها لا أُؤذي أحداً - عن قصد - ، لا أسرق فرحاً مِنْ جَيب أحد رُغم تَضوّري جُوعاً و الأهم مِنْ ذلك أنّني لَم أفرِض نُكاتي السَخيفة يوماً على أحد - وهذا يكفي - !

I have always been very attracted to danger.
I guess some call me an adrenaline junkie, but its more than that.
I crave things most people are too afraid to do, I am attracted to people others are too afraid to speak to.
I try to keep my reckless behavior to a minimum, I really do.
I try to be less impulsive, more structured, but I just get so bored.
I guess at the end of the day some of us run with lions and some of us run away from them.
I will never be the latter.
—  Danger // Alexandra 
Frida Y Yo: Selfie

I wen to a Frida Kahlo exhibit at the Dali museum this weekend. She’s one of my favorite painters, so it was a treat.

Her self portraits, in particular, were very influential on me, after I discovered her  when I did a college art history paper on women surrealists. 

I loved the way she put herself front and center, the way she explored her life and identity and experiences through them, through her face and body, through symbolism. 

Frida Kahlo created herself. She transformed her pain and suffering into  strength and daring. She explored her own self and claimed a space in a world that had little place for her.

That’s me. My selfie with Frida. 

We get a lot of flack for taking selfies. Women especially. It’s seen as narcissistic and vain when we put ourselves in the center of our lives. When we look back at the camera and say, “this is me.”  When we focus on our appearance (never mind the flack we get when we DON’T focus on our appearance.) We’re supposed to give our attention and concern to other people. Families, signifiant others, jobs, friends, children, service. WE are not supposed to claim attention for ourselves. Not for our ideas. Not for our authority or excellence. Not for our voices. Not for our identities. Not for our selves.

I’m gonna do the opposite.

I’m going to reclaim my own face, my own image, my own identity– my selfie, and I’m going to use it, selfie, and self portrait, to claim my place in this world.  Who I am. What I have been through. Where I am going. Why I am here.

This is my self. It means something. I mean something.