Selfies have made us egocentric, narcissistic, materialistic assholes

Our generation has become so obsessed with documenting every moment of our lives in a photograph that sometimes we actually forget to enjoy it. Don’t get me wrong, I think the human race has always been obsessed with finding their best angle and sharing it with the world - we’ve gone from photobooths, to polaroids, to iPhones all for the greater glory of global narcissism. Our self-portraits have become our business cards. Besides being an instrument of personal catharsis, we use them to present ourselves to the world in whatever way we want to be looked at. We are the artist and our selfies are the celebration of our ego.

Before every important activity in life there’s the “but first, let me take a selfie” moment. This is not just done to remember that instance of utter happiness as a 98% of the time it’s to share it on a social media platform. We unapologetically flaunt and display in a pretentious and kind of a vulgar way our wealth, luxury and pure awesomeness - all with the intention to impress or attract those who follow/stalk us on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

Selfies just add to our ego. We are not only interested in capturing ourselves in our best angle, but we’re, if not more, interested in capturing an object of interest. This “object” is supposed to differentiate us and make us feel special about having something that maybe not everyone has at that moment. Basically just showing off like when you were 7 at the playground with the latest toy. Every caption on IG should just read, “Are you jealous of my life yet?”

Our basic-ness is defined by our pictures:

☮ Waiting at the airport or boarding a private plane - or like most mortals who don’t happen to live in Beverly Hills, just showing off you’re flying somewhere…because hey, who doesn’t love to travel.

☮ Summer equals bikinis, beach, and yacht. If you don’t have this picture, did summer even really happen?

☮ Holding our delicious Starbucks coffee (or any drink for that matter), showing off our perfectly manicured hand, accessorized with our stacks of Pamela Love rings and Cartier bracelets. This basically screams we have our life together – at least for the picture.

☮ Showing off a specific part of our outfit - that being our handbag, sunnies, or Dior tennis shoes because why not.

☮ Friends selfie - showing off we’re party animals and we have more fun than you do - and you can’t sit with us!

☮ Our face - telling the world we’re gorgeous. This one is so contradicting - you have the girls who use the hashtag #wokeuplikethis yet you clearly see mascara and multiple filters. Like, no bitch, you did NOT wake up like that. The only person I believe is Queen Beyonce and babe Gwyneth Paltrow.

Selfies are taking way too much time from our lives. When we take a selfie, we not only take one but we take about 20 of them. After we take the pictures the dilemma begins. Which picture is better and which filter makes me look skinnier. We spend more time figuring out which photo is prettier to post than we spend deciding what to wear. Bottom line, we just want people to double tap and like our photo and it stresses us out in ways it shouldn’t.

We’ve all just become major competitive attention whores to the point “instaassistants” are a thing now. Like, that could be on your resume if you wanted. And who created this new profession? Celebrities. Setting the bar high as per usual they need these people to make their picture look casually captured and be uploaded in all their filtered glory.

But for us mortals who need actual pointers on how to take a flawless photo:

☮ If you have thin lips, part them slightly and blow lightly to create the illusion of fuller ones. Oh hi, Kylie.

☮If you have a round face, you should avoid facing the camera straight on and instead turn the head slightly to one side. Oh hi, Kylie.

☮ If you have a weak chin or an over-projected nose, shift the jaw forward a bit when photographed from the side for a more balanced profile. Oh hi, Kylie.

☮ If sitting down, be sure to sit up straight and towards the edge of your chair. This will lengthen your torso and ensure the camera captures your best silhouette. If standing arch your back, relax the shoulder blades down and suck in your tummy. Oh hi, Kylie.


It’s 2014 and we only care about being beautiful, having labels on everything, and setting up the perfect picture. So vulgar yet it’s celebrated nowadays. In my book, the hashtags used by the person posting the photo define the person. The less hashtags you have, the more legit you are.

All this leads to the final question, if I were to Instagram a picture of a white girl taking an Insta of the sunset, do we both explode?

When anybody says “schools today are just too ‘PC’!”

So all three girls, whom the youngest is 17, all got iPad 3s.

My step brother, who is 8, got a Wii U.  He was complaining all “WHY DIDN’T I GET AN IPAD? MY BIRTHDAY LIST IS GOING TO INCLUDE AN IPAD!” getting fairly mad since he got this wonderful gaming system he didn’t bother asking for and his older sisters that are double his age all got iPads. Proof you do not need to be a white girl to have white girl problems.

So, a lot has happened in the past two days, and since its kinda been up in the air and a tad confusing for my friends (and myself to a small degree) I just thought I’d post it on the Internet and make it official!
(I’m sorry I can’t put this under read more, IPad)

I have a boyfriend!
*collective gasp from the studio audience*
What? You say! Lily has actually climbed out of the pit of forever alone in which she thought she would be destined to for eternity?
Silly theatrics aside, his name is Martin, (go follow him, he only has 12 followers- http://gaminthespian.tumblr.com/ ) and he is just a complete dear.
Small explanations for my irl friends who were confused, (COUGHemilyCOUGH) we are in the school play together and we became good friends and a tango, thin mints, note and walk around campus later, here we are!
I totally would have written more about how damn wonderful this guy is, but I’m tired, and my mind can’t think of ways to say these things with our sounding weird/creepy
So, just wanted to post a bit about this new development, so continue your scrolling! Thank you!