white spotlight

vocal King Jhope 😭💖💗💓💟💞💘💝

people who come at the penumbra podcast claiming that it ‘fails to be as diverse as it pretends it is’ are kind of. missing the point, i think? the team are writing stories about people who don’t get to see themselves in stories otherwise, but there’s no way in hell they could write a single good story that perfectly represents every single person underneath this umbrella at once.  

right now, the team is running a longform series about a black, nonbinary, bisexual man slowly learning to come to terms with his past and survive the mental illness that tells him all the good he accomplishes is worthless and all the bad that he sees is his fault. juno is the primary character in this series, and while there are countless other lgbt+ characters, characters of color, characters with traumas and characters with disabilities in this series, their stories are not front and center because the story is about juno steel. this is especially true given that juno has yet to overcome his tendency to paint himself as the hero or the villain, and always the center of attention. he’s selfish.   

right now, the team is running a longform series about a whole slough of people who want to be knights and are constantly told they aren’t good enough. a man who uses a horse or crawls instead of walking. a woman who’s constantly belittled and underestimated by her peers because of her gender. a man who battles both anxiety and internalized homophobia. all of them manage to be some of the most competent and deadly fighters in the land. and presumably, there’s more about this group of people we don’t know yet. more people will get to see themselves represented in the second citadel stories, too, because of the ensemble cast. 

in the past, the team has written a story about two women falling in love, one of whom was nonwhite and genderqueer. it’s not a longform series, but the arc of the story itself was over in one episode. the conflict was resolved. when stories last longer than their conflicts do they stop being good stories, generally 

the team has spoken up saying that they can only be what they are. they won’t write stories that they don’t know how to tell well, because they’re dedicated to writing stories that constitute good representation, rather than token representation for its own sake. these stories can only be what they are, too. they can’t be every story at the same time

and i know it’s hard because there are so many different kinds of people who don’t have the chance to see themselves in stories, but speaking as someone who comes from both a privileged group and a disadvantaged one (ie a white nb lesbian): just because a story isn’t about you doesn’t mean that it isn’t important, or that it isn’t ‘diverse enough’

half the point of fandom is that we can fill in those gaps, if we want to, right? we can do a better job of allowing the writers to tell the story they’re working hard to tell right now, and if we have the time or energy, write some of the stories we want to see ourselves! or look for that content in another place! creators committed to this kind of diversity are few and far between, but there are more of them out there and maybe some of them are writing what you want to see right this minute

this ideological standard that a truly diverse story has to center around the whole spectrum of the human experience at once means that no story can ever measure up! and it’s harmful, especially when media that makes no claim of being diverse gets away with worse every day. above all, it belittles the amazing efforts this team have made to show people stories about themselves!

The Spotlight Effect

Have you ever walked in a class or a office knowing you are late and thinking everybody will notice you, look at you and think about you being late and everything else?
I constantly do, every time I find myself in an embarrassing situation, every time I realize there was a stain on my shirt or god knows what I instantly blush and put my head down, hoping to avoid the pity and humor that I’m sure is on the faces of all those who witnessed my moment of embarrassment.
Because of this I’m a very easy prey to the spotlight effect which explains how we are constantly overestimating the attentions people are keeping at us. According to social psychology (I totally love social psychology by the way), indeed, we are very “anchored” to our own experience and we have trouble adjusting far enough away from them to accurately estimate how much attention other people are paying us. Practically If we are very troubled by something we assume everyone else is also troubled about it, if we are comfortable we assume everyone else is feeling the same way
This is also deeply linked with the fear of change, particularly when it comes to try new things, for instance the day after an embarrassing haircut I am sure the whole world is pointing and laughing, but four days in when I’ve gotten used to the face in the mirror, I think everyone else has too…
The most important things is to not get overwhelmed by this un comforting sensation of your mishap being noticed by everyone and try to remember that the more comfortable you feel the more comfortable the world will seem to you and, even if it may be an illusion it could make the difference between a great and a terrible day

Everyday is your birthday in the fifth house. It is a cosmic Disneyland that opens just for you.

Sun in the 5th house/Leo in the 5th house
The world is a stage and the performer is gracious, radiant, and absolutely transcendent. A Queen dancing on the rays of the Sun, the whole world is watching on

Moon in the 5th house/Cancer in the 5th house
A child walks under a white Moon spotlight, exquisite and enchanting, glowing with the sovereign of an heiress

Mercury in the 5th house/Gemini or Virgo in the 5th house
The word alchemist, wings made of sun, a painter of children’s fairytales with language, a pen that pops with confetti holding books full of colour and delight

Venus in the 5th house/Libra or Taurus in the 5th house
The lover dances on a stage, blowing kisses and swaying with the sun, releasing the bubbles of pleasure, music, and indulgence and seduction

Mars in the 5th house/Aries in the 5th house
A child emerges from a box of crayons ready to draw a world into this one, a woman flickers lights from her fingers, under a blaze she bedazzles with a fire twirling display

Jupiter in the 5th house/Sagittarius in the 5th house
Laughter radiates from the crackle of morning light, today is everybody’s birthday, it’s eating a marshmellow icecream cake for breakfast

Saturn in the 5th house/Capricorn in the 5th house
A guardian appears, one who swoops in to hold and love and protect those vulnerable children, a guardian emerges to soothe his own inner child

Uranus in the 5th house/Aquarius in the 5th house
A bizarre artist walks from his home, an abandoned church in the woods, eccentric portraits and paintings hang upside down

Neptune in the 5th house/Pisces in the 5th house
A circus performer walks and floats and contorts, every movement a display of bodily art and entrancing sensuality, she creates ambient music with her thoughts

Pluto in the 5th house/Scorpio in the 5th house
Beneath a pastel sea, swirling with hypnotic music and art, a spellcaster swims with a wand, every exertion of self is a creative display of godly magnificence

-C.

Whoops, just realized I’ve never post the full view of my 2015 YGO telephone game contribution, here’s Kaiba boy and his dragons!

Honestly still pretty bummed for not being able to catch the DSOD movie screening in my country. Oh well, I’m still looking forward for the DVD release of it next year 2017. My Malaysian friends and peeps told me that the movie is really GOOD!!

UPDATE: Blessed to watch the ygo movie in Australia with my @ygoreanimate pals and I love Seto Kaiba the movie

Bachelorettes

“What on earth possessed you to come here? To think this was a good idea?” I laugh, awkwardly scratching my elbow as I follow my friend inside this dodgy strip club. We’re looking at possible to-do’s for another friend of ours her bachelorette party, but as far as I’m concerned we haven’t gotten anywhere at all. 

“Come on, it’s the all too known cliché. Sophia lives for sappy clichés. This would be the best thing about the whole day.” Sheila wiggles her eyebrows in my direction as she walks further into the club. 

“I personally believe you’re getting a knock out of me feeling uncomfortable.” I groan, following behind her as I try to avert my gaze from half naked ladies serving drinks. “As if you don’t enjoy the finesse of a toned male figure.” She scolds me. All I can do is shrug my shoulders as I slide into the bar stool beside her. “Of course, but if I’m willing to pay to see one is a whole different ordeal.”

I see her lips purse and I can’t help but grin. I didn’t mind going to a strip club but I know Sheila would be blowing this way out of proportion. “Y/n, do me a favour and give it a chance before you completely blow this off, alright?” She turns to me and grasps my outstretched hand, squeezing it as she grants me with her puppy dog eyes. 

“Well, because you asked so nicely.” I laugh, clapping my hands together before beckoning a waiter over. “Rum coke. Double. Thank you.” I immediately mumble as she approaches us, making sure to make eye contact instead of staring at her voluptuous bosom. 

I see him right away. Slight darker skin tone, carbon black messy hair and an arrogant yet vibrant smile uncovering his pearly white teeth. He’s wearing nothing else than a pair of boxers, and I can’t help but imagine him alongside Channing Tatum in Magic Mike. He would fit right in - and I would’ve watched the shit out of that movie. 

He notices us and grins slyly, slowly swaying his hips as he moves closer towards us.

“Ladies.” He nods his head as he approaches, Sheila’s eyes growing three times their normal size - which is usually quite big already, might I add - as she gives the mystery male a very thorough once over. 

“What gives us the honour of having such nice ladies as you over this fine evening?” The male speaks as his eyes twinkle underneath the dim lighting, leaning against the freshly polished stage in front of us. 

“Seeing what you have to offer around here.” Sheila speaks without a hiccup, making the blush rise on my cheeks. “Our friend is getting married and we’re planning the bachelorette.” She adds, smirking before she throws me a look, showing the male I am also involved in her shenanigans. 

“Well I guess I’ll have to show you what we have to offer then. Calum Hood, lead dancer, if I can put it like that.” He chuckles and I think it’s my new favourite sound. If this were a movie, my eyes would be twinkling underneath the dim lighting of this rather filthy strip club, and he would be smirking down at me. Well, the last part was true.

“It’s mainly for my friend – we’re just the entourage.” I mumble, averting my gaze to the table in front of me where my drink had appeared – something I hadn’t even noticed happening.

“Well,” Calum slides onto the table, his muscular torso right in front of my wandering eyes, “We do offer an arrangement for bridal parties. It’s a private room, a few dancers if I’m not mistaken. Isn’t that expensive either.”

“What do you think? Sounds like something Sophia would be happy with.” Sheila turns to me, seeming unfazed by what was in front of us.

“Are you sure she’ll be happy with that? I mean…” I trail off, frowning and staring off into the distance. I hear Calum scoff and I glance at him through the corner of my eyes.

“Then I guess I’ll have to convince you, don’t I?” Calum mumbles before he raises to his feet. He disappears to the side of the stage, while the lights dim. A new tune starts playing and I momentarily jump in my seat when a harsh white spotlight appears right before our eyes.

Calum appears on stage and while he walks to the centre, he sways his hips to the beat of the music. It’s mesmerizing to watch how he immediately takes over the stage, owns it and seems to have fun up there. He is in his comfort zone and that makes watching him all the more enlightening.

I’m mesmerized by his movements. It’s sensual, almost freeing and a real pleasure for the eye. Now that I give it a second thought, I think this would be even better if he was wearing more clothing so he could take it off. Just the thought of him doing said clothing removal during the bachelorette party gets my cheeks all tainted pink and a weird, unnerving feeling to erupt in my stomach.

It ends too soon, in my opinion, and he wipes his forehead with the back of his hand as he retreats to the back of the stage where he came from.

“That’s just a little bit of what you could expect.” Calum sighs as he stops right in front of us again, sweat dripping from the side of his face as he smiles brightly towards us. I bite my inner cheek as I try to suppress the grin that’s growing onto my features, before I speak.

“Well then, are you available in the third week of August?” I smirk, batting my eyelashes as Calum lets out a loud laugh. “Then I guess you’ll see us again.” Sheila smiles as her fingers curl around my arm, hoisting me up to my feet. “But for now, we have to leave. We still have a lot of things to figure out, right Y/n?” Sheila gives me a pointed look, smirk half hidden by the bad lighting. I feel the blush creep onto my cheeks as I glance from Calum to my mate. “Uh, yeah, yeah you’re right.”

We bid our goodbyes and I can’t help but glance back once more over my shoulder, seeing Calum still staring at our retreating figures. The sun light is harsh on my skin and I shield my eyes, trying to figure out where we were again.

“We definitely need to come back here.” I chuckle, cheeks tainted a bright red as I avoid Sheila’s gaze. “Of course you think that now. ” She nudges me in my ribs and motions for me to follow her to our right, to our next destination.