white ghosts

Rumination

You cover me in comfort
the white white ghost pinching
my ears into door handles,
an opening to the cave dark
quiet and spinning. Lacquer
frisée, the scanner silence
makes me twitter the headlights
like some profound rocking.

Never the stopping wall
begins to crumble inside.
My directly depositing sadness
of losing more, losing the first
thing already lost again.
Gracing pants against sun
blocks the way I look at
the skin which folds and tans
as a cage becomes the key.

You reflect the embody
meteor flash for atmosphere
neglecting signals from obvious
night pushers, found tranquil
highway the line from head
meeting corrective horchata
mingles with distance, proofread,
listens as my mouth sounds.

tagged

tagged by @catfqngs
Rules: copy this post into a new text post, remove the current answers and put in urs, and when ur done tag up to 10 people and also tag the person who tagged u!
a - age: 17
b - biggest fear: that everyone I love actually hates me and don’t want me around and its hell bc I think of negative things like that constantly aaaAAAA
c - current time: 10:34 pm
d - drink you last had: orange powerade
e - every day starts with: my cat laying on my stomach while I’m still in bed so I pet her for like 10 mins to make her happy and its a good time except mornings are usually pretty bleh
f - favorite song: hey there delilah by the plain white t’s
g - ghosts, are they real: I sure hope so bc when I die I wanna be able to view whats happening with pokemon and anime
h - hometown: I wont say exactly where I live, but the state I live in is new york
i - in love with: the bae, anthony!!!!!!!!!!! ive been dating him for almost two years now <3
j - jealous of: cats….theyre soft and beautiful and sleep all day, i want to do that too
k - killed someone: ive killed hundreds of monsters in monster hunter, does that count????
l - last time you cried: in spanish class today bc we finished up a sad movie and i literally was sobbing with my friend devika over the final scene aaAAAAAA
n - number of siblings: 1 younger brother
o - one wish: to be happy and not feel like the people i love actually hate me??
p - person you last called/texted: @sodapoplio we were gunna go drive out to get coffee but it was like 9:30pm and my mom yelled at me bc she wanted me to stay home bc i need sleep so i can get up at like 5am tomorrow hhhhh
q - questions you’re always asked? “are you okay?” “is your hair color natural?” (bc my hair is like naturally red-blonde and literally everyone has to make a comment on it lmAO)
r - reasons to smile: the bae, friends, my cAT!!!! my cat is wonderful okay
s - song last sang: youth by daughter
t - time you woke up: my alarm clock is set to 6:20am but i always hit it to stop then i fall back asleep usually until it rings again at 6:43am (yes i know very specific but its bc I’m dumb and i know it doesnt matter much  but i want it to be little before 6:45 but after 6:40 so i get those sweet 3 extra mins of sleep hhhh)
u - underwear color: pink with black dots
v - vacation destination: well japan would be nice af but i wouldn’t understand a thing lmfao
w - worst habit: zoning the heck out when some ppl talk to me and i just sit there agreeing to whatever they say, also i procrastinate a lot
x - x-rays you’ve had: teeth
z - zodiac sign: cancer

okiii i tag: @clairvauxbernardus @thyristor @ask-a-yandere @defectmogeko

you guys don’t have to do it if you don’t wanna tho xD

can i just say something?

when I was a kid, I told my mom that I wanted to be an actress when I grew up. You know what she told me?

She said, “sure, but you’re going to have to do it in China. America won’t hire you if you’re Asian.”

And that was it for that dream. 

Of course, that was just a phase - one of many, one I would’ve gotten over anyway. But what she said stuck to me. You’re going to have to act in China, because America doesn’t hire Asians.

And if there’s anything I learned over these years, it’s that she was right. Asian-Americans don’t get to see ourselves on screen. We don’t get to read about our deeds. And we get pissed. We complain, we shout, and people dismiss us because, oh, “the Japanese are okay with Ghost in the Shell”, and “I’ve heard that mainland Chinese are perfectly fine with Iron Fist.” Well, great for them. This isn’t about them.

This is about us. Asian-Americans. Asian-Canadians. Asian-Australians. Asian hyphen something. And the Asians in Asia don’t understand - because they can’t. They’re surrounded by media portrayals of them. They never have to fight for representation because it’s always there. They have no idea what it’s like to live in a country that sees you as other, and then to have to go back to your home country, to have your parents tell you “this is you, this is your culture, your heritage” and you look upon the faces of your family and you see nothing of yourself in them. 

Asian-Americans are not the same as Asians who live in Asia. We live in a different culture. Our values, our beliefs, the experiences that shape our lives are separate. 

We want to see ourselves in western media because it’s what we grew up with. It’s what surrounds us. Sure, we can watch K-dramas and anime and Chinese/Taiwanese/Japanese/whatever dramas, and a lot of us do, but it’s still not us

We shouldn’t have to go watch Asian dramas just to see a part of us represented. We shouldn’t have to move to Asia just to be hired. 

We deserve to represent, and be represented, as ourselves.