A/N: the basis of the this fic was borrowed from elsewhere. But I asked permission…. Well, I’m made @castielspahdehrah ask permission for me. If it’s well received I may be persuaded to write another part.
“I really need to go and clean the kitchen," you sighed, not wanting to move. The dishwasher needed emptying and various pots and pans needed putting back into their proper places.
"I’ll go, you cooked. Plus I should do more around here really seeing as you won’t take any rent from me,” your friend and colleague Spencer hauled himself up off the couch. He’d been staying with you for the last three weeks whilst his apartment building was having some work done on it. He hadn’t asked, you’d offered when you found out he was planning on moving into a hotel for the two months the renovations would take. You had a spare room and you two got on well enough, it made sense.
“I’m not gonna argue with you there. Bring me more wine please,” you smiled sweetly and relaxed back into the cushions.
A few moments later you could hear him clattering around in the kitchen and you closed your eyes, relaxing.
“What the….. What the hell?”
What now? Wearily you pushed yourself up and walked over to the kitchen, seeing Spencer with a bright purple silicone implement in his hand.
Whoops, you’d forgotten that had been in there.
“Is this…. Oh my God it is,” realising what he was holding, Spencer tossed it onto the counter top, a look of mild disgust on his face.
“Hey, don’t treat George like that. He needs to be treated with love and care,” you entered the kitchen and grabbed your toy.
“Why the hell was it in the dishwasher Y/N?”
“Because it needed cleaning?” well duh.
“YOU PUT YOUR SEX TOYS IN THE DISHWASHER?”
He wasn’t angry, more……a mixture of shocked and confused.
“Well not all of them. Only my dildos. It’s the best place for them. They’re dishwasher safe so…. Saves me having to boil them.”
“But… but…. but.”
“Oh come on Spencer. You know more than anyone how important it is for things to be properly cleaned. How germs are everywhere. You didn’t even shake my hand for weeks when I first started because of all the evil germs you were scared I’d transmit to you. You wouldn’t want me putting an unclean dildo into my vagina would you?”
“No, of course not…. Wait what?” he now looked appalled, his cheeks flushing red.
“Sex toy hygiene is very important to me.”
He blinked a few times, looking to the toy in your hand and then to the plates on the side that he’d emptied out.
“I presume that had been used when it went into the machine?”
“Well I gave it quick rinse under the tap before I stuck it in the dishwasher but yeah.”
“Right.” He turned back to the plates and started loading them back into the machine.
“What are you doing?” although it was very obvious what he was doing.
“I can’t eat off the same plates that have been washed in the same water as your…. as your…. ”
“And why not? The water’s hot. It would have sterilised everything. I don’t have cooties you know, Reid.”
“I know you don’t but…”
“And,” you stepped closer to him. “As a grown man I’m quite certain that you’re not unfamiliar with the taste of a woman’s…. juices. Not that you would be able to taste anything because like I say, the water will have cleaned it all.”
He flushed a deeper red.
“So what’s the problem Spencer?”
“It’s weird okay! You’re my friend, my work colleague. I don’t want to be eating off things that have been washed in the same water as your used dildo.”
“So if we were dating would it be different?” this was fun.
“I don’t know! Maybe!”
“Well that’s good to know.” You waited for him to finish reloading the dishwasher. Which he hadn’t emptied or loaded himself all week so didn’t know what you did.
“Just so you know, George has been in there for a few cycles already. I forgot that I’d put him in there last week.”
With that, you skipped off towards the bedroom to place George back in the drawer with his brothers and sisters, leaving Spencer spluttering to himself as the penny dropped in his brain.