while holding back sobs of nostalgia because of how much they mean to you

the heir – pt. 2

Group : BTS

Member : Park Jimin

Word Count :  4,112

Description : It has been eight years, long enough for you to forget about him. But seeing your son everyday, who is almost a duplication of him, always brings back the painful memories of how the only one you had ever loved had died eight years ago. Killed by the police for being a criminal who had broken into a bank and kidnapped a hostage.  

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I WiLL NoT kIsS YOu…I’ve been playing the hell out of that Cancer cover, it’s sooo good. Don’t worry, this fic has nothing to do with cancer and it won’t be sad in that way. Basically, Tyler confesses the feelings he has for Josh so it’s a little emo, but he’s pleasantly surprised. It gets pretty intense, actually. ;-) 

—————————————————————–

It has been 3 whole years that Tyler has denied his feelings for Josh, and it took a stupid game of truth or dare for him to figure out how insanely real they were. Tyler wanted to believe that he was straight, but always had a hunch that even if he were, he could always be a little gay for Josh. Of course he’d never admit that to him or ANYONE else. 

It always got a little boring on the bus. Usually, they went off and did their own thing. Josh got in his bunk on his laptop with his headphones watching God knows what. Doing God knows what. It’s why Tyler never used the hand towel in the bathroom, because it always mysteriously disappeared when he was in there.The other guys would play on their phones, talk to girlfriends, nap, or eat. And Tyler would write, check social media, or play video games. But when all that got boring, they’d resort to childish games. Mark suggested a game of truth or dare, for old times’ sake and everyone agreed because nostalgia. 

After Jordan was dared to lick a chair seat, Michael was dared to snort crushed up captain crunch cereal, Mark was forced to admit if he used the hand towel like Tyler suspected (he did), and Josh was dared to press his bare chest to the window for traffic to see, it was Josh’s turn to ask Tyler truth or dare. Tyler very stupidly chose dare, knowing he held too many secrets to pick truth. He figured Josh would probably go easy on him. Little did he know, dare would catch him anyway. 

“I dare you to…kiss me.” Josh finally said, grinning. Tyler gave him a look of surprise, jaw falling and everyone else laughed. Suddenly Tyler got paranoid, shifting uncomfortably. It shouldn’t be a big deal, they were friends and it was just a dumb dare. It didn’t mean anything. 

“Ok, um…like, how? Where?” Tyler asked, shuffling closer to sit next to Josh. He felt a bit awkward with everyone watching. 

“Just like, a regular peck you know? But on the mouth obviously, or it wouldn’t be much of a dare now would it?” Josh joked. Tyler could seriously kill him right now. 

“Dude, just do it. You’re the one making this awkward!” Mark laughed, making Tyler feel a little called out. Tyler just wanted it to be special, his first kiss with Josh. He felt himself tearing up a little, but he tried not to show it. 

“Ok, well here goes man, I’m gonna kiss you…” Tyler got ready, swallowing nervously. Josh held still and Tyler leaned in slowly, lips ghosting over Josh’s. Josh closed his eyes and when it still didn’t happen, he opened them. 

“Um, what are you…” Josh started, confused. 

“NO. I will NOT kiss you, not like this!!!” Tyler blurted. Then he got up and ran out of the room, stunning everyone. Josh looked at the other three, asking if they seen what the hell just happened. 

“I don’t know, maybe that was a bad dare?” Jordan wondered outloud. 

“Yeah, he he was crying. I seen actual tears.” Michael informed Josh. 

“Oh shit. Shit shit shit…I’m going to go talk to him then.” Josh said, and with that he got up and walked back to Tyler’s bunk where he was laying inside. Josh could hear the sobs before pulling the curtain back and cringed. He felt so bad for putting Tyler through whatever he was going through. 

“Dude…can you talk to me? Can I come in?” Josh asked quietly, knowing right now he had to be more sensitive. It obviously had to be serious. 

“Mmhm. Yeah. Sure.” Tyler mumbled, face pressed into his tear-stained pillow. 

Josh carefully slid in next to him in the cramped space and pulled back the curtain for privacy. He put his hand on Tyler’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. His heart really hurt for his friend because it had to be something difficult. 

“You can tell me, Tyler. Whatever it is. I won’t judge you, was it that I dared you to kiss me?” Josh asked softly. Tyler stayed quiet and just nodded. 

“Ok, well I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to get this kind of reaction out of you or anything. I thought it’d be funny. I didn’t mean to make you so uncomfortable.” Josh further apologized and explained his side, with Tyler listening and breathing calmly now. 

“Well, you did. Here’s the thing, Josh. I like you. More than just a friend. And if I was ever going to kiss you, I didn’t want it to be as a dare in front of our friends.” Tyler said, sighing as he felt that burden finally being lifted. Josh stayed silent, thinking about what Tyler had just told him. He felt butterflies building up in his chest and felt even worse for what he’d done. Then it all just came out. 

“Oh my God, Ty. That makes so much sense. See, here’s the thing with me. I like you too more than just a friend, but I’d always been afraid to tell you since I wasn’t sure you felt the same. You hid it so well. But I always wanted to kiss you, and I figured that was finally my chance to feel those perfect lips on mine. Even though others would be watching, I didn’t care because I figured that’d be my only chance. I love you, Ty.” Josh explained. 

Tyler felt like he was floating as he stared into Josh’s eyes, taking in what he just said. Josh’s hand on his shoulder being the only thing keeping him grounded. That hand slid down his arm to his waist, then Josh was leaning in so that his lips were ghosting over Tyler’s again. Tyler felt his warm breath for a second before leaning the rest of the way, closing the space and pressing their lips together for the first time. Fireworks exploded behind both their closed eyes as their lips began moving in unison, lips parting and tongues making a presence. It was so soft, and so sexual the way Josh’s tongue swirled around Tyler’s and he pulled Tyler closer by his hips. Tyler let out a soft moan he’d been holding in, and Josh brought his hand up to cup Tyler’s cheek, thumb softly grazing over his cheekbone. 

“You’re getting hard…” Josh breathed, gasping and unlatching from Tyler’s lips. Tyler ground his boner against Josh’s. 

“So are you.” Tyler noted, continuing to rub their dicks together and causing Josh to pant. He got on top of him and continued grinding down while finding the juncture of Tyler’s shoulder and neck, sucking and biting gently. Tyler breathed in deeply, letting out a long, low moan. 

“Fuck, baby. You’re so turned on. Are we doing this?” Josh pulled back up and asked. 

“Yes, yes Josh. Oh my God.” Tyler whined as Josh’s hand found its way to the front of his sweatpants, rubbing and palming where he needed it. Tyler whimpered and bucked up into his hand desperately. Josh gripped his firm dick through the fabric and squeezed, getting on his knees the best he could to slide his sweatpants and boxers off. He leaned over and attached his mouth to the head of Tyler’s cock to swirl his tongue around in the salty pre-cum, swallowing it. Tyler whimpered and moaned softly, breath erratic and obviously trying to suppress louder noises. 

“It feels so good, Josh. You’re so….ohh.” Tyler was cut off as Josh took him all in, to the back of his throat. It was so spontaneous, his hips jerked up and he gripped Josh’s hair, hissing and cursing from the sensitivity as Josh worked his tongue around him expertly. After moving up and down on his cock several times he sucked hard, sliding his lips up slowly and jerking him while looking at Ty’s current state. He was a mess, head back and hips rolling and thrusting up into his hand for more friction. 

“You’re so fucking sexy, Tyler. Look at you. You’re loving this.” Josh whispered, meeting his thrusts with his fist. Tyler responded with a helpless moan, staring at Josh and begging him with his eyes. 

“Josh. Will you fuck me?” Tyler asked. The way he said that was so innocent despite the vulgar language, Josh practically melted. He leaned down to place a soft kiss to Tyler’s lower abdomen. 

“Yes, baby. I’ll fuck you so good, you’ll feel me the next day.” Josh continued placing kisses on Tyler’s stomach and chest as he moved up, licking occasionally. Tyler squirmed underneath him, and got especially vocal when he sucked his nipple in his mouth, nibbling lightly. Josh straddled Tyler, pressing his hard dick into his stomach persistently. To quiet him, he brought a finger up to Tyler’s lips and Tyler granted him access, parting his lips and licking his fingers. Josh slid them in his mouth, allowing Tyler to suck and show off how skilled he was with his tongue, dipping between and swirling it around his fingers. Josh came up to his ear and whispered:

“If you keep doing that, I’m going to give you something else to suck.” causing Tyler to blush. 

“I’d like to.” Tyler answered, voiced doused in arousal.

“Maybe next time, sweetie. You want me to fuck you, remember?” When Josh pulled his fingers from the wetness of Tyler’s mouth, he reached down and found Tyler’s entrance, pressing one in. Tyler gasped, mouth falling open and Josh took advantage by licking into his mouth while sneaking a second finger in. Tyler began to relax, pulling his legs up and around Josh’s waist and arms around his neck. Josh continued penetrating him with his fingers while kissing and only getting more turned on, hips beginning to pump against nothing. 

“Alright.” Josh said sternly, pulling up and grabbing Tyler’s wrists to pin them down. Tyler stared at him hazily, a little shocked but turned on by Josh’s aggression and impatience. His heart leaped to his throat. Josh basically ripped his pants open, shoving them down and his hard, flushed, dripping cock sprang out. Tyler practically moaned at the site and how that was about to be inside him. His best friend, in all his glory. 

“Oh my god, Josh.” Tyler sighed, almost screaming at how Josh dove back in, attacking Tyler’s neck with love bites. He wanted to savor the feeling of Josh’s smooth skin sliding against his and just the weight of him on top. His energy, scent, and affection taking over all his senses. He tilted his head back, allowing Josh to reach every inch of him and whispered his name over and over. 

Josh brought Ty’s legs back up to wrap around his waist and brought the head of his cock to Ty’s entrance, pushing in slightly to stretch him. He hovered over Tyler, supporting himself with one hand and finding Tyler’s eyes. His eyes looked so trusting and love-struck, it made Josh feel amazing. 

“You ready for this, babe?” Josh whispered, giving a little thrust. Tyler’s eyes rolled back and he whimpered.

“God, yes yes yes.” Tyler answered, clinging on to Josh’s arms. Josh slowly guided his hips forward, enabling Tyler to encompass him with all his warmth and tightness. Tyler’s spit mixed with Josh’s pre-cum gave him just enough slickness to bottom out. Josh rested inside him, fighting the urge to start just pumping him hard and fast like he wanted. 

“How’s it feel, Ty?” Josh asked, rocking Tyler’s body up with his hips. 

“G-good, f-fuck Josh move.” Tyler moaned, rocking his hips down. Josh gave a little smirk and pulled his hips back, driving in full force. Tyler, not expecting it, full on yelled, gripping tighter onto Josh’s biceps. 

“Shhh…shh Ty, you gotta be quiet.” Josh said, laughing softly and resting his forehead on Tyler’s shoulder. 

“Joshie your cock is inside me, how do you expect me to be quiet when you do that???” Tyler whined. Josh placed soft kisses along Tyler’s shoulder and collarbone. 

“I know, baby. You ready?” Josh asked, waiting for Tyler’s nod before rocking his hips more gently this time. After five minutes, Josh was pumping his cock in and out of him at a steady pace causing Tyler to whimper after each thrust. He tried new angles and speeds, until he found one that caused Tyler to gasp. 

“Oh my…oh my God Josh, right there. Don’t stop.” Tyler was practically sobbing. 

“Oh shit, I’m gonna cum so hard, Ty. Love fucking your hot little ass.” Josh cooed. He kept driving his cock right past Tyler’s prostate, making him moan deeply and tremble underneath him. He was super responsive to everything. Eventually, the feeling in his lower stomach just got to be too much and Tyler had to release. He tensed up, then all his muscles began pulsating, shooting his sperm out onto both their chests. Once Josh felt something warm and wet splash onto his skin and heard moans of pleasure, he watched Tyler’s pretty face as he came and felt him tensing around him. 

“Unf..fuck, that’s so hot.” Josh grunted, holding tighter onto Tyler’s legs and driving into him faster to speed up his own orgasm. Unmistakable sounds of skin slapping, but he didn’t care. He tensed his muscles and finally released, cumming inside Tyler with force. 

“That was good. So good.” Josh sighed, laying next to a tuckered out Tyler.

“Dude. Don’t you mean sick?” Tyler said sleepily, yawning right after. 

“Yeah, it was sick as frick.” Josh said after a few seconds of thinking. “We should probably wash off though.”

“Right now? How are we going to get to the shower though?” Tyler asked nervously. 

Josh peaked out of the curtain down to the other rooms. No one was paying attention.

“I’ll go in the bathroom first, then a few minutes later, meet me.” Josh said. He pulled on his pants and shirt before leaving the bunk, and a few minutes later Tyler followed. They spent the next several minutes taking turns washing off sweat and dried cum, helping each other with their backs. They spent another several minutes just making out.

“Man, we should shower like this every time, it saves water.” Tyler joked, causing Josh to playfully shove him. They made it back to their bunks using the same strategy as before. It became a regular thing. 

So Close

PROMPT: Ever since Bucky chose to be frozen in cyro sleep, Y/N never left the area. One night, while Steve was passing by, he hears Y/N sadly singing her and Bucky’s favorite song to dance to.

·         Pairing: Bucky x Reader

·         Word Count: 3073 words

·         Warnings: Depression

·         A/N: this is slightly connected to an upcoming 4 part imagine I am currently finishing writing; On Second Thought, Maybe You. The imagine takes place after the Civil War happened.

Masterlist

xxxxx

For the same reason like every night, Steve found himself still restless, even if he was staying where his best friend was safely placed in. It just didn’t seem, comfortable. His eyes blankly stared at the ceiling before sighing when he realized he hadn’t had a good night sleep for the past month since Bucky was put back to the cyro. And soon, he remembered, a certain young lady had it far worse than he did, and made him look worriedly to the bed beside him. Sure enough, it was empty.

But the Captain knew where she exactly was. And it saddened him to see Y/N do the same routine every single night, as if the very life of her had been put to sleep as well. For days, Y/N stuck to her stubborn vow to never set foot outside of the building ever again, to stay watch over the Soldier even if she knew he wasn’t going anywhere. Everyone, even T'Challa, tried to reason out to her to go out, live a normal life. But she gave the same answer both she and Steve knew was true,


“It isn’t normal without Bucky.”


The captain quickly rose from his bed with a heave, to again check up on her like the previous nights. From time to time, each one of the Avengers was in Steve’s place of taking care of Y/N taking care of Bucky. Even Tony himself brought up the courage to, tried to bring up a joke to lighten her up, but always seemed to backfire and make her feel worse. And each night, it was the same, empty woman staring silently in pain through the glass. The same, depressed Y/N who forgot about her life and had here intentions only to be beside the man she loved, for what seemed like eternity. Of course, Steve understood her in a deeper level, and he would do the same thing.

•••

 

“I’m not leaving.” Y/N stated without keeping her eyes off the Soldier.

 

“Everyone’s worried sick about you, Y/N.” Steve worriedly implied to the young woman, even when she ignored the concern, “You haven’t eaten, slept, or heck, lived well for almost a month!”

 

“Just…leave me alone, Steve.”

 

“No I can’t. Not with knowing your condition will worsen if you stop being so stubborn!”

 

When she fell silent again, the Captain noticed the way her eyes looked towards Bucky. It’s as if they guarded his stiff body, to maybe see a slight movement to know he was stable. A look of pain, to see a man who had a pure heart receive something he didn’t deserve yet needed to do as an obligation to protect everyone. Steve saw how it broke Y/N so much as how it did the same to himself, and found himself no more reason to argue against her decision. He slowly approached her, gently placing a hand on her shoulder.

 

When the young woman looked back, with eyes so sunken and surrounded by eyebags that marked the countless nights she stayed awake, the tears silently streaking down her bloodshot eyes, he remembered the request by Bucky, the promise to keep her safe and happy, and realized it was going to be a little hard for him to do so.

•••

“Y/N?”

He called out from the hall, as if she would respond anyway. Steve proceeded down the hallways clad in nothing but a shirt and sweatpants. It was a little dim, T'Challa wanting to conserve energy with the lights, but he knew the same old route he has taken for the past week. When he found himself nearing the familiar door to the laboratory housing Bucky, he heard something faint from the distance. Steve froze in shock of the noise, thinking if there was an intruder in their midst, and from the sound of it, it came from the lab. The thought of someone infiltrating the lab, and maybe having her hostage, alerted the Captain.  But when he had listened intently to the sound, it sounded more…melodic, and not belonging to an intruder of any kind. As if someone was, singing.

“What the-?” He muttered to himself, confused as to why the noise was prominent at 2 am in the morning.

But the moment Steve slowly inched closer to the door, the tone of the voice sounded more familiar. And when the distance between him and the lab was merely but an inch, he quickly recognized it to be Y/N’s voice, singing. He was surprised and confused as to why she was singing, and just stood there in shock. But then, he heard the familiar notes and lyrics, and it struck nostalgia to his memories.

“Oh…” He breathed out in realization.

Steve slowly brought his hand to turn the knob without a noise, as to not startle the young lady inside. In doing so, he gently pressed on the cold door to open it. And sure enough, her voice became more audible. And as Steve turned to look at the young woman seated across the room in the same position near the frozen Soldier, clad in nothing but the Henley red shirt Bucky had given to her and shorts, with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders to keep her warm. The song she sung, completely struck the Captain and made him feel so sorry for the poor girl.

Bucky and Y/N once danced to the song being sung by Y/N alone. The dance contained so much passion, an expression of how they both dearly loved each other, a sign that they were both willing to be together until the end. He remembered the glow she once had when Bucky was still around, and the smile that slowly grew on her face when the Soldier finally confessed his true feelings for her. The dance, the song, it was a mark of the beginning of their love story, about how a man like him fell for a woman like how. How the lion fell in love with the lamb. It was a memory both him and Y/N held dearly; seeing both Bucky and Y/N so happy with each other.

When the song would play, it didn’t matter where the two lovebirds were. They’d quickly pull in each other’s bodies close to each other, and just silently gaze lovingly at each other while they let the music guide their steps. Steve wondered how long it was since he saw Y/N’s real smile, how long it was since he heard her laugh, how long it was since she looked so complete. He knew that Bucky was willing to promise a life with her, to grow up old with her, to have and hold. An engagement he spent endless nights talking about it to Steve.

But now, he was looking at a completely heartbreaking scene of a woman singing to a man who’d never even hear her sweet, angelic voice calling out to him again. A woman who held the ring that she could’ve worn when it could’ve had a meaning, when the ring could’ve marked a possibility of a normal life for the both of them. And he was completely stuck in place, just frozen at looking at her completely beaten down and broken. He even found himself tearing up to her singing, when the feeling of missing his very best friend, his brother, and missing the old Y/N, hit him hard.

 

“Y/N…” he sighed sadly, as he listened once more to her sad melody.

 

’…And we’re…So close, to reaching

That famous happy ending

Almost, believing

This one’s not pretend…“

 

‘Now you’re, beside me

And look how far we’ve come…’

 

The young woman slowly stood up and strode nearer, her hands slowly caressed the glass just above the Soldier’s rested face, and he looked at him with a weak smile that tried to restrain the painful tears that streamed endlessly down her flushed cheeks. Across the room, Steve sensed that Y/N was too overwhelmed with grief to continue singing, and she completely lost it again. When saw her sink down to her knees, sobbing her heart out, he quickly dashed to her, slowly enveloping his arm around her small, humped figure.

 

"Hey, Y/N…” He cooed gently to her ear with his hands rubbing circles around, “I’m here.”

Steve was surprised that she didn’t fight back as usual, but instead clung her arms tightly around his torso, as he tears quickly soaked his shirt. Nevertheless, he remained silent and hugged her comfortingly.

“I-I’m s-so done w-with this, S-Steve…” her words barely came out clear with the hoarseness of her voice pulling it back. “I c-can’t t-take this any-anymore!”

“I j-just f-fucking miss h-him s-so much…I-I can’t live l-like this! Why did he h-have to deserve t-this Steve?! Why?!”

She screamed loudly in pain, in a way that broke the Captain even more, because he realized the gravity of how much they both terribly missed Bucky. So much, that he himself was starting to feel a lump build in his throat, but he found himself completely speechless at the situation. He slowly brought his eyes to look at his friend behind the glass, and the longer he stared at Bucky’s closed eyes knowing it could take a long while before he’d see them open again, a soft sob came out of his mouth as well.

“I-I know…I miss him too, Y/N…” He quietly admitted in tears while hugging her tightly in his arms.

 

•••

“Here, it’ll help you calm down.”

Y/N looked over to her shoulder to see Steve holding out a mug of hot Camomile tea. She didn’t take a moment to hesitate, taking the mug in hand and whispered gratitude towards the Captain. When a small string of silence went by, Steve quietly sat down on the cold marble floor beside her, with his left arm gently wrapping around Y/N’s cold body. She suddenly felt a sense of comfort in his arms, a thing she hadn’t felt in a long time, and slowly, she relaxed and leaned her head on his shoulder, both keeping their gaze on Bucky. For a while they haven’t spoken and just let their thoughts float around. Steve realized how much more comfortable it was in the room, and understood much more how Y/N managed to survive the grief.

It was as if James Buchanan Barnes’ spirit filled the room. Like he wasn’t completely gone, purposely leaving a part of his essence in the place, a fervent reminder for both Y/N and Steve that he won’t be gone too long. And for the first time since weeks, the Captain slowly smiled, basking in the comfortable aura the room contained.

“So this is why you manage to keep on.” He remarked, feeling her head nod gently.

“Yeah. It’s the closest we got left of him.” She replied weakly, tentatively smiling towards the man she loved.

“I know he doesn’t deserve this, but he chose other people’s sake before his. He chose to keep us safe, to keep you safe.”

“S'why I love him. So selfless.”

Steve chuckled at the term, connecting it to the many memories he had of Bucky being so selfless, especially to the time Bucky held firm on the railings when a massive explosion was between them, saying he was never leaving without him.

“Yeah, he is.”

They both fell silent for a while, until Steve looked down and saw Y/N had set the mug down on the floor to let her fickle fingers gently fiddle with the beautiful diamond ring adorning her ring finger.

“He really meant it, you know. He was so willing to marry you.”

The young woman looked up to him, eyes slightly widened, waiting for a longer explanation.

“If only I could show you the many nights and days he would call me up, sounding so nervous, telling endless times how much he loved you enough to promise a life together.” He started off with a warm smile, and was relieved to find the young woman slowly doing the same. “He would even talk about how many children he wanted to make. Oh God, he’s real whipped for you.”

When Steve had paused, Y/N’s mind had been filled with recalls of the times Bucky had acted so weird, either fumbling to grab something in his pocket, or trying to gather the words to say it but to his dismay, have the words go tumbling down his tangled tongue.

“But this happened. I really wished it didn’t. I wanted so bad to see what could’ve been between you two. I’m really sorry, Y/N”

“It’s okay.” She nodded, more tears streaking down her cheeks. “Couldn’t make him change his mind about this, s'why I’m doing the same in considering a 'normal life’.”

“You really willing to wait?” Steve asked out of the blue after a short pause, making the young woman shift to look up to him in slight astonishment, “Even if it meant that he might not wake up in time for us to see so?”

For a moment, the young woman thought of her answer, but soon realized she already had one when the ring caught her sight again. With a deep breath in and a long sigh, the memory not so long again replayed in her thoughts when she gathered the words to say in silence.

“2 months ago, I said 'yes’ to a commitment Bucky offered to me. Even if we both didn’t know this was coming, I’m obligated to remain in that promise; the promise to be his and only his.” She spoke as if she were retelling an age old story, and Steve openly listened to what she was to say next.

“I really can’t imagine myself marrying someone else, because I already saw it a possibility with Bucky. Only Bucky. And I may sound so damn clingy, but the heck with it. I love that man so much, to the point that if he can’t have me, no one can.”

The Captain was astounded at how she stood ground to her promise, even if it looked like it wasn’t going to be a reality. Even if it seemed that she would growing old without being with anyone else than Bucky; she was stubbornly in love with him to do such a thing. It didn’t seem to bother Steve at all, because he understood where she was coming from. She reflected a part of himself deep inside; and it made him chuckle seeing how much Y/N was identically alike him. In response, he gave nothing but a slow nod in agreement, which Y/N took in as something unusual for him to respond to her explanation.

“What? No side remark? No violent reactions? No nothing?” She questioned him in curiosity, having to remember the countless times Steve scolded her for being so stubborn.

“I’d be a hypocrite if I did so. Which I am, I guess.” He shrugged, “I did also became so insanely stubborn to protecting Bucky at all costs, and I almost killed Tony for him.”

Y/N was relieved to her that Steve finally understood her feelings, and quietly took back in her hands the, still, hot mug of tea. Before it even reached to touch her lips, she paused, finding herself unfinished with talking to the Captain.

“You know how much it kills me to wake up every day, and instantly remembering him, frozen and asleep inside a cold prison, instead of awake and moving.” Y/N started, as she tried to hold back her runny nose from all that crying but Steve already had her back with a spare handkerchief he had in hand.

“Steve, we were all so close to a normal life. He could’ve had the life he wanted, and so did I. He could’ve stayed longer to wed me, just to seal what we have officially. At least, to have him just a little bit longer.” Her grip of the now warm mug had tighten, already feeling the grief of missing Bucky so much.

“I just, really, really, really miss him so much.”

The young woman had again fallen silent, but let a few tears slip through her eyes again. Her gaze fixated on the still pool of Chamomile sitting inside the cream-white marble mug, as she wondered if she would really drink the damn tea already. But it took her less than a second in her calm state, to remember that Chamomile was the tea Bucky always loved when she would bring it up to him. Because he loved the way it would slowly bring its warmth and unique flavor to trigger the sense of comfort in his veins, and how much it always did the trick of calming him down from his nightmares. It didn’t take her long before she found herself crying again, and her eyes couldn’t take anymore of it and felt heavily droopy.

With nothing more to say, the two friends stayed silent. Maybe he’s right, maybe she will get through this. Maybe one day, she’ll be able to look at Bucky without breaking down or regretting she didn’t do enough. But it seemed so hard for now. They were so Close to that; a happy life. It all ended so fast.

But knowing Steve was there, who apparently deals with the same pain, willing to go through each step to moving on, Y/N knew she’d turn out fine. It’ll still hurt, but she could just imagine Bucky finally being at rest knowing she can smile once again.

Maybe she could still keep him awake in her heart.

“It’ll take time.” He gave her a small smile, something that she always found reassuring, “But trust me, it’s worth it.”

Masterlist

anonymous asked:

Hello! May I get some drabbles about Mei's, McCree's, and someone else of your choice having a S/O that died... and then later came back to them as a ghost? And the ghost s/o can't interact with them without possessing something (or maybe even someone)?

(I’ll make the third one my bae, Genji. ^^)

Mei

Mei held the photograph in her hand, her elbow leaned to the wooden writing table. It had been a long time since they had died… And she didn’t even know.

Mei had been frozen for years without knowing all of her comrades had died. She was the only one on Ecopoint: Antarctica to survive. Not even her lover had remained alive, and she didn’t know. Once she was found and told what had happened, she almost couldn’t believe it was real.

It had been a long time even since then, but she could not stop thinking about them. Mei wasn’t sure she’d ever get over them, but she didn’t even know how to try. How to start trying. Fot the moment, she couldn’t take her eyes off that photograph.

Their old house felt far too large without smelling the fresh coffee made by her s/o, and without waking up next to them. Their old clothes and furniture were still everywhere, reminding her of the past she could not let go. Every day, she felt hollow.

The broken table lamp flickered on and off again and it was starting to get distracting. Mei put down the photo and turned to turn the lamp off, but it didn’t seem to work. She groaned and sat up, going to pull the plug on it. She tore it out of the socket, and the flickering ceased. She sat back down, sighing. [Name] had always been cheap when it came to furniture…

A moment later the light started flicking again, causing Mei to blink in confusion. She made sure the cord in her hand really connected to the lamp, and it did. So… How was this happening, exactly? She picked up the lamp and examined it thoroughly, then screwed off the light completely. Yet it still blinked.

“What in the world…” she muttered to herself as she stared at the blinking light. That’s when she noticed more blinking in the corner of her eye and turned to look toward it. She saw that another lamp was blinking in the hallway. Was somebody pulling a prank on her?

Mei stood up and followed the blinks with a confused expression, stopping under the supposedly broken ceiling light. That’s when it stopped blinking and turned off. However, another blinking started in the staircase.

“Who’s doing that?” she asked, still more confused than anything. After lagging in the hallway for a few seconds, she decided to follow the light downstairs. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, the blinking stopped again. She heard the TV get turned on in the living room. Now things were really getting creepy.

Hesitantly, she followed the noise into the living room and cautiously stepped toward the television. She picked up the remote and turned it off, but it came right back on, by itself. That’s when she noticed she had started to shiver.

“Whoever is pulling a prank on me, now would be a good time to stop,” she asked, more than a little spooked. But no response came. Then the channels of the TV started changing, never going further than one or two words before changing again.

Hello… My love… It has truly been… A while… Hasn’t it?

Mei flinched, and her legs gave in. She was now seated on the sofa, her hand covering her wide open mouth. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. This prank was outright cruel.

I know you… Have been waiting… For… Me… For a long time… But I… Had no way… To… Contact… You.” The channels kept changing similarly, as if the TV was really Mei’s dead lover speaking to her. She couldn’t help it when her eyes suddenly filled with tears.

“This isn’t real. That can’t really be you,” she protested, nearly choking on her own words.

It’s… Hard… To believe… Even… For me… I’m sorry… For… Leaving… You.

Mei hiccuped and tried to hold back her sobs. The words were spoken far too much like her lover’s. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she shook her head in protest. She couldn’t believe it.

I don’t… Think I… Have… Long… But I… Wanted to… Tell you… Did I… Ever… Tell… You look… Cute… Without… Your… Glasses?

That’s when Mei finally broke into sobs. It must’ve been her lover. There was no one else who would know to speak to her like that.

“You told me all the time,” she sobbed, her cheeks wet with tears. “Every morning you would tell me that. I- I miss you too, [Name]. I miss you so much…” The television took its time before starting to change channels again.

Hah… Yeah, I… Think I… Did… But… Mei?” Mei thought it was strangely cute how the TV had turned to a weather report to get her name. “Promise… Me… You… Will… Move on.” She shook her head again.

“No, I can’t p-promise that… I don’t know how to, I can’t forget about you. I don’t want to,” she stuttered, pointlessly trying to wipe away her tears.

I don’t… Want… You to… Forget about… Me… I still… Love you.

“I love you too, [Name],” Mei responded, her breathing shaky. “Please don’t leave me again.” Again, the television didn’t respond at first.

I’m sorry… I have… No… Choice… I’m… Already… Fading.

“That’s not fair!” Mei exclaimed weakly, her throat sore and her voice hoarse from crying.

I’m sorry… Goodbye… Mei.

The television flicked off. It became dark in the room, and the only noise left was Mei’s violent sobbing. She had curled up on the couch and covered her eyes with her hands. Though she felt the world was cruel for tearing her apart like that, there was a hotness in her chest she hadn’t felt in a long time. For the first time of what felt like a decade, she felt like she was actually alive again.

McCree

Mercy was currently examining him after Jesse had gotten injured on his last mission. As usual, he’d been too reckless and had not thought everything through. There was a bullet wound on her thigh, and he was currently only in his briefs in front of the beauty that was Angela Ziegler. Anyone would have been a little flustered, but the doctor was very professional about it.

“Ahh, you don’t have to be so violent, doc,” Jesse complained when Mercy slowly inserted the pliers into the bullet hole.

“Oh, stop complaining. I need to get the bullet out, whether you like it or not,” she stated with a calmness that would’ve freaked out a younger McCree. This version was used to it by now, however.

“Ya coulda made it so that I weren’t feelin’ it, though,” Jesse argued and earned an eye roll from Angela.

“Honestly, since when have you changed your preferences? You seemed a lot tougher the last time I patched you up… Or perhaps it’s because I was doing it in front of [Name],” she teased, finding the bullet. Jesse stilled at the mention of that name.

“Oh… Could be,” he replied dryly, earning a concerned look from Mercy.

“Oh, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to bring them up,” she instantly apologised. Jesse shook his head, waving it off.

“Nah, it’s fine, Angie… Just, hadn’t thought about them that much lately,” he explained half-heartedly.

[Name] was an Overwatch agent Jesse had fallen head over heels for when he was still a young man in Blackwatch. On one of their missions, things had gone horribly wrong and they had passed away. The only consolence to McCree was that Morrison had told him they’d passed peacefully. Even if he couldn’t be sure, he wanted to believe that.

Angela nodded, regretful, and turned back to the wound.

“Okay, this is the part that hurts the most. Bite on that sponge I gave you,” she ordered, and Jesse did as asked, putting the white, soft sponge into his mouth. Mercy released a breath and took a steady grip on the bullet, then pulled it out in one smooth motion. Luckily it wasn’t stuck to the bone – but even then, Jesse made a pained groan.

He took the piece of sponge out of his mouth and watched as Angela put the bloody bullet aside and pressed a clean rag against the now bleeding wound.

“Would you hold this for me while I get the bandages? Thanks,” she asked and moved Jesse’s hand onto the rag. He pressed it against the wound, like he’d been told to, while Mercy turned to the table behind her. The wound stung, and he could feel the blood soak the rag slowly.

“You could hurry up a little, Angie. I’m bleedin’ out here,” he half joked and lifted his gaze to the blonde. He noticed she was oddly still, her back still turned to him. He raised a brow. “Doc?”

Swiftly, the angel turned around, a strange expression on her pale features. There was a sad smile on her lips, pain in her eyes. Jesse quickly became worried.

“Hey, Angie, I didn’t mean–”

“Jesse,” she said calmly, but that was not Angela’s voice. Well, it was, but the pitch was not right. The way she said Jesse’s name, was not right. Nostalgia flowed through him when he heard the pronounciation of those syllables. “I’m sorry… It’s been such a long time since I’ve seen your face.” Jesse blinked.

“Ha… Stop jokin’, Angela. You don’t want me to stain the medbay, do ya…” he chuckled awkwardly, weirded out by the behaviour. It must’ve been a strange joke, maybe one she’d learnt in Switzerland. Mercy shook her head.

“Jesse… I know you haven’t forgotten about me. Remember the time I bailed on the mission briefing and we hid in the storage room for hours?” she said, causing McCree’s eyes to widen. Of course he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Angie, if this is your way of trying to make me feel better about [Name]… Well, I’d appreciate it more if ya stopped. They musta told you about that time,” he retorted, disappointed that someone as nice as Angela would do something like this. He was also briefly hurt that [Name] had told about something so private and intimate.

Mercy kneeled in front of the chair he was seated on and reached to cup his cheek with her left hand, just like [Name] used to… Jesse swallowed, and suddenly couldn’t take his eyes off Mercy’s.

“I didn’t tell anyone. It was our secret, after all… Remember the necklace you gave me that day? The one I lost the next spring. The lock broke and it fell into the lake,” she said, and Jesse’s lip quivered. Maybe it wasn’t real, but it was at least something. Could it be real…?

“I swore I’d dive in and get it back for you, but you stopped me. I laughed about it after, but ya felt really bad about losing it,” he finished the story easily. “[Name]…” he said quietly, his tone needy and his gaze distant. There was a smile on Mercy’s lips again.

“Jesse,” they responded, softly. “I wish I could stay longer, but I only came to tell you how much I’ve missed you.” Jesse quickly took their hands into his own.

“I’ve missed you too… You don’t have to go,” he assured, suddenly worried that he wouldn’t get to see them ever again, or to hear their voice… What remained of it. It had always been his favorite lullaby.

“I can’t, I really can’t… It would be wrong to steal Angela’s body just to be with you. It would be horribly selfish. I’m sorry, but I can’t,” they said and shook their head violently, clearly torn. Jesse didn’t want that to be true and he grit his teeth in frustration.

“You only came to tell me this and to break my heart again,” he said, bitter. For years he had mourned after his fallen lover, and now that he got to see them again, they would abandon him for the second time. They looked stunned, hurt, even.

“I came to say goodbye,” they said, worked up due to Jesse’s response. “A goodbye I never got to say. I don’t remember exactly how I died, but my last memory is wanting to tell you how much I love you… Jesse, please just give me this. I’ve been wandering aimlessly for so long. I need to be free.” There was obvious pain in their voice and Jesse immediately felt guilty about causing it. He pulled them into a hug, and they made a little yelp as they were pulled close.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I really didn’t. I’m sorry,” he repeated, keeping them pulled against him. “I missed you for so long. I never got to say goodbye either.” They relaxed and wrapped their arms tightly around Jesse, then pulled away. Their eyes were locked as they stepped away, fingers still intertwined with McCree’s.

“Goodbye,” they whispered, then their fingers fell apart.

Mercy stilled and stared blankly for a few seconds. She took a hold of her head, feeling dizzy all of a sudden and having to take support of the table behind her.

“Woah… What was that…” she muttered to herself – perhaps she needed to take a break and get something to drink… She only got to wonder about it for a moment before she was distracted by the sounds of muffled crying. She looked up and saw Jesse sobbing into his hands, and she froze, her stare firmly on the man.

“Oh, Jesse…” she said softly and stepped over, placing a hand on the man’s shoulder. The talk about [Name] must’ve hurt him worse than she’d first assumed. “Come on, let’s patch you up,” she continued with a reassuring smile and went to fetch the bandages.

Genji

They weren’t sure why everything was such a haze. Events from their past played faintly in their head, a messy stream of memories. Some of them were more prominent than others. Their childhood was mostly a confusing mix of colors, faces and sentences. As time passed, some moments became clearer than others.

Memories of Blackwatch came to mind. They remembered gruesome missions, colorful personalities. They remembered Commander Reyes, how he was the crew’s favorite and how unexpectedly kind-hearted the man was. The image made them smile.

Then, they remembered another person. They remembered someone wounded and angry, someone who was half man and half machine. Their heart beat a little faster at the bittersweet memories. They remembered falling in love with that man – all the arguments and long nights. The sweet moments whenever they managed to get a break from life.

They remembered great pain. It started from their chest and spread to everywhere in their body. They remembered dying, but that’s when their head stung. How did they die, again? They were pretty sure it was in a fight, on a Blackwatch mission. But then it hit them: They were dead.

It was empty and dark where they were. They tried to look around and make sense of things, but there were no shapes in the darkness. Not until a few beats later, when they started forming. Walls, a floor, furniture… All formed one by one. Then it all came apart and changed. The process repeated multiple times before the view finally seemed to still. It had switched to a graveyard.

They stood in front of a dark gravestone. It was cloudy, but there was no rain. They walked closer to the gravestone, feeling it call to them, whispers in the distance. They kneeled down, their eyes widening at the immediate discovery: It was their own name engraved there. This was their grave.

Quickly, they stood straight and looked around. The graveyard was almost empty, except for the figure that slowly neared them. The figure looked like an omnic, they noted, and simply watched as it came closer. The omnic passed them and kneeled next to their grave, lighting a stick of incense and placing a sparrowhawk feather next to it.

Once again, their eyes widened. They quickly turned their gaze back to the omnic who had put his hands together and said a wordless prayer. Genji? They tried to reach out and touch his arm, put it phased right through. Stunned, they quickly retracted their hand and stared at it. Ah… They were a ghost.

“Genji…” they said his name, and for a moment the man looked distracted. He looked around, as if he’d heard something, but soon just started walking away from the graveyard. They bit their lip and started following him, wherever he was going.

It was a hotel, a very standard one with nothing special to say about it. He walked a straight path into his room and they followed him like a shadow. Genji picked up the phone in his room and seemed to be calling someone.

“Room service? Sorry to bother you. I’d just like to inquire you about your breakfast options,” he said. [Name] just watched him. “The first one will be fine, thank you.” After he’d said that, he lowered the phone. Genji picked up the book set on the nightstand and seated himself comfortably onto the bed, then started flipping through the pages.

It was hard to take it all in. This Genji Shimada was nothing like the one [Name] remembered. He was polite and respectful, but most of all, he sounded like he was at peace. They didn’t know what to think about it, except that clearly a lot of time had passed. Then they wondered, was Genji upset when they died? Did he even remember…

Suddenly they were a little bitter. Their lover was allowed to move on while they were stuck in a timeless loop. They wanted to shout, but knew it would have no effect. It would be meaningless to scream in an empty void.

It wasn’t long after that there was a knock on the door. Genji put the book away and got up from the bed, then went to open the door. It was the room service he’d called, a pretty lady dressed in the hotel uniform. Genji let her in with the breakfast cart.

“Thank you for being so quick,” he said politely, but the maid could only blink at him. It must’ve been odd to serve food to an “omnic”. She probably thought it was for someone else not in her view.

“We try our best to be efficient,” she then said and offered the tray with a wide smile. Genji chuckled softly and watched the lady take the cart and head back for the door.

Like by the gravestone, strange whispers were echoing in from the woman’s direction. [Name] wasn’t sure what it was, but it was calling to them, so they walked closer. They reached toward the maid and touched her, and slowly she turned her head around. For a brief second they were sure she had seen them.

They felt a little dizzy and glanced down. That’s when they noticed their clothes had changed. In fact, they were wearing the clothes of that hotel employee just now. Their free hand held onto the breakfast cart, and the metal felt hard against their hand.

“Are you alright?” Genji’s voice called, and they snapped their head up at him. He was looking straight at them, his head tilted just a little in concern. He… Could see them? Then… They must’ve somehow possessed that woman’s body.

“Oh… Yeah…” they said hesitantly, then straightened their posture. Genji didn’t seem convinced.

“Are you sure? You look like you could use a break. I’m sure your boss wouldn’t notice if you took a few minutes,” he said, but all they could do, once again, was to stare at him. They stared, then averted their eyes. Genji’s gaze on them was too much, even if his eyes weren’t in view. It felt so long ago, yet not at all, since they last spoke. It felt wrong.

“I couldn’t stay,” they said hastily.

“I don’t see why you couldn’t. It’s nicer to eat in company,” the cyborg insisted and seated himself on the edge of the bed, the tray on his lap. He slowly removed his mask, revealing the scarred skin underneath. It really was Genji.

[Name] wasn’t sure what else they could do, so they went with it and sat down next to the man. They didn’t have to stare, they’d seen his face countless time in the past. They knew what he was.

That’s when they remembered the bitterness at the pit of their stomach. This was their chance to shout, to scream, to remind their past lover that they were still here. Alone. Their fingers twitched at the painful thoughts, and they looked up at Genji, ready to pile all of their frustration on him.

Genji looked back at them, chewing on his food. They stilled at how adorable it looked. It wasn’t fair – it wasn’t fair that he had moved on. They tore away their gaze and grit their teeth behind their lips.

“I have to go,” they said and got up, not leaving room for Genji to respond. “I hope you enjoy your food,” they added before pushing the cart out of the room. It must’ve been a strange meeting on his side, but [Name] didn’t really care. They needed to get out of there.

In the hallway, they leaned their back to the wall. Their breathing was shaky as they tried not to burst into tears. Sure, it was unfair that Genji had found peace even though they were gone from his life. But at the same time, it filled them with happiness that he was no longer that broken man they’d fell in love with.

Because of that, they felt themself become filled with relief. It was nice to see their lover one last time.

–Mod Evie

Love and Let Love (Part 4)

Love and Let Love Masterlist 


Warning/s: Angst (?), Mentions of Death, Language

A/N: (Y/N = Your Name; L/N = Your Last Name) My favorite part so far. I won’t say much. I just want you all to enjoy this. <3 The shortest part  so far, but most probably the ‘heaviest’.

Number of Words:  1, 388

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CHINA DOLL

paRequest: N/A

A/N: Finally, I finished this!  Sorry it took me so long, I had almost no inspiration for this fic, and I wanted it to be of good quality, not quantity.  Hope you enjoy!

Bucky x underweight!reader

Word count: 1638

Summary: Men want curves, and so does (Y/N).  But, what if she doesn’t have any?  Will no one want her?  Bucky disagrees.

Warnings: self-hate, self-depreciation, angst, throwing up.

(GIF not mine)

Originally posted by caps-bucky

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Turn loose the mermaids(Part24)

Here we go! I’m sorry for the long wait, but I had a week from hell last week. Thanks to @miracujess for being my beta.

Btw guys, do you remember when you thought Chat was afraid of storms, back in chapter 9? Lol, as if. I wonder if any of you will figure out what that was about.

Anyway here comes the feels whaddup.

First l Next


One day, I will learn to listen to my fucking instincts when they scream at me, Chat thought bitterly, grabbing tightly onto a rope as another wave broke, the water splashing all over the deck and almost knocking him off his feet. Chat kept in mind to give Kim a raise for holding the wheel of La Coccinelle so well during a storm like this. Lightning struck in the horizon, making him clench his teeth. They needed to get out of these waters as soon as possible. Getting a better grip on one of the ropes, he shouted over the noise of the thunder.

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Think of Me

Think of me, think of me fondly
When we’ve said goodbye
Remember me, once in a while
Please, promise me you’ll try


She sat with her legs crossed under her, hands awkwardly in her lap. Defeated. Uncomfortable. They both were.

Spencer managed to speak through the shell-shock he’d been struck by. “You’re leaving?

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “They offered me a position in San Francisco. The children’s hospital has an amazing art therapy program, and it’s the job I’ve always wanted. I don’t think I’ll get another opportunity like this.”

It pained her to explain it. Justification didn’t seem right, not when the act itself felt so wrong. It was so hard to say it out loud, despite the fact she’d been ruminating on it for two weeks. But the hospital needed an answer, she couldn’t stall forever.

His hands clench into fists, and he bites his lip. Signs he’s nervous, little expressions and gestures that she has catalogued and categorized over the years. Maybe she’s not a profiler, but years of working with people in their most vulnerable moments had made her rather perceptive. It’s clear to see that hurt is written on his face, and her heart physically aches for him. To soothe him is her natural instinct, to go to him and hold him.

Yet, she knows she can’t. If she does, she’ll never want to leave him.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? When you said they offered you a job, I didn’t realize you were so serious about it.”

Outside his window, the sky is overcast. DC is quiet on this Sunday afternoon, and it feels as though they are the only people living in this city. A tiny world built just for them. One she is tearing down.

“If I told you, you would’ve tried harder to keep me there. Or to keep us together. I couldn’t… I just didn’t want to go through that. I didn’t want to draw out the goodbye.” Seeing him upset has always been hard for her, and it isn’t any easier now. He leans back into the sofa for support, and stares at her as she sits in the armchair across from him. Set up like a therapy session, almost. Who is unloading what? Who is helping whom?  

“I want us to be together,” he says, adamant. “I love you, Y/N. I love being with you, I love spending time with you. I’ve never loved anyone this much.” His voice breaks, and tears sting at the corners of her eyes. If the things she’s saying hurt him, the pain is double for her. Once for the knowledge that this is an ending, twice to see his reaction to it.

“And I love you. I do,” she tells him. “That’s why I didn’t say anything. Spencer, you love this job. The BAU, that’s your family. Your home. I know you’re not ready to leave them yet. We both know that. You won’t walk away from that, and I love you too much to force you to.”

The silence is confirmation. They love each other. They love what they do. Compromise is hard to find when your passions exist in two very different places. She would be willing to spend a lifetime by his side. Anywhere in the world, so long as it was with him. It’s impossible to deny that he makes her happy, makes her feel more loved than any person has done before.

It would be enough, to love him and to be loved by him.

For so long, her work was her life. The children she works with were her reason to get out of bed. It gives her purpose, and she can’t give it up, not quite yet. It’s too soon, she is too young, there is still so much left to do.

Two different directions pulling on her heart. She can feel it breaking, straining. But she knows that if she turns this down, she will always wonder what could have been, had she gone.

An offer like that won’t come around again for some time. If she is lucky though, perhaps someday, she’ll be able to come back to him. If you love something let it go. If it comes back it’s yours. This is her letting him go. This is her hoping that she’ll come back to him. In the back of her mind, she knows that this could be goodbye.

“So… you’re breaking up with me?”

“We’re going to be so far apart, and it’s hard enough to make time in the same city, with your work. I don’t want to hold you back from anything. I’m letting you go.”

Words unspoken and things undone settle between them in the apartment. There is so much time they could’ve had. Still, so much time they did have. It was beautiful, brief as it may have felt. The laughter and the tears and the warmth have all changed her, and she doesn’t know how to leave it all behind. Only that she must.

“What am I supposed to do without you?” he asks. In any other context it would seem strange, amusing. The genius, the brilliant FBI agent wondering how to carry on. She knows him better though. Knows him well enough to understand what he is asking. Love for him is never casual, and has not come easy. It is a great challenge for him to open up so much, and to feel so very accepted. Goodbyes, change, are difficult things. Painful. And above all, lonely.

How can she do this? How can she just walk away from him?

“You think of me,” she says. “Think of me fondly. And I’ll do the same for you. There won’t be a single day I don’t look back and think of you.” Breaking her own rule, she crosses the distance between them to sit beside him, taking his hands in hers. They are warm, and so much bigger than her own. “Remember all of the good times we had together. Wandering the museums. Getting lost in that corn maze in the fall. Snowball fights in the winter. Evenings spent on the couch. Remember those things. Remember me, okay?”

“I could never forget you,” he breathes.

“Nor I you. But I have to go.”

“I know. I know.” It is like a mantra for him. “I could never keep you from this. It’s what you’ve been working towards for so long. And I’m happy for you. I just wish it didn’t mean losing you.”

Gently, she reaches up to run her hand through his hair. Just once. The last time she’ll perform that small, calming gesture. “You’re not losing me. We’re just going to be apart. But you’re always going to be with me. In my heart. In my dreams. You have been the light in my days for ages. Every sunrise will always remind me of you.” Reminiscent of the time they stayed up all night on his apartment building’s roof to watch the sun come up over the city, and they told each other things they’d always been too scared to speak out loud before. Where he kissed her. And kissed her again.

All beautiful things in the world had suddenly paled in comparison.

“Can you do something for me?” she inquires.

“Anything.”

“Please be happy, Spencer. There is nothing I want more in this world than for you to be happy.” If that means staying in DC and never contacting her again, so be it. If it means he finds love with someone else, she will accept it. So long as he is happy and loved and safe.

He smiles, and something meant to look so cheerful has never appeared so sad. He squeezes her hands, and they sit. Breathing, thinking, holding on desperately to what they have. One last time, while they still belong to each other. Before the ties are severed and all that they were becomes only the whisper of nostalgia that memory brings. Faint and fading, a chapter in the middle of a story, and no longer a part of the present writings.

Goodbyes multiply that bittersweet feeling, welling up until it spills over, and they’re both crying and neither one knows just what to do next. Nobody wants to leave; but they both know she cannot stay.

Finally, they stand, and he walks her to the door, where he pulls her into a hug. She breathes in the scent of his shirt, always tinged with the smell of coffee. Tries to commit to mind the way it feels to be in his arms. Spencer kisses her forehead, his lips lingering just a moment too long.

“I love you, Y/N. Always, I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Breathe in. Gather courage. Step back. All the little gestures to slowly tear off that bandage of farewell. Leaving his arms is leaving home, abandoning all she knows. “Goodbye, Spencer.”

“Goodbye.”

Biting back tears she starts down the hall, and she doesn’t hear the door shut. He’s standing there, watching her go. She can feel his gaze, but she can’t look back. It has to be final. There is no turning back now.

She loves him. She will always love him. Every morning, he will be there on her mind when she wakes, and she’ll miss the mornings she spent waking up slowly by his side. She is certain of it.

Bitter and sweet, all at once.

Goodbyes are inherently painful. A goodbye that breaks the hearts of both parties is even more so. Nobody wants to say it. Nobody wants to leave. And yet, despite everything screaming at them to stay – they go.

It’s not until she disappears out of his sight that she pauses on the stairs and listens. Faintly, she hears the door shut. It sounds like loss. Echoing empty in her hollow heart. The sound of an ending, of a something breaking.

She clutches the bannister, and a muffled sob escapes her throat.

Will there ever be a day that he forgets her? Will there be a time when it doesn’t hurt so much?

Out the doors, and into the city, she makes her way into the unknown. The world feels much colder without the promise of his open arms to return to. How lonely it is after a single parting. So many great stories romanticize the endings. She wonders why, when an end is so filled with sorrow. Not because it is the end. But because so much happened before that end, that now must cease. It is the beginning and the middle that are mourned for. The loss of those things.

And she knows, she will always be thinking of him.


A/N: if you’ve never heard this song (from Phantom of the Opera) it’s lovely and makes for some great angst-y writing music.

From a Distance

Pairing: Yakov x Nikolai(Granpa P, for those who didn’t know)

Author’s Notes: Y’ALL ASKED FOR THIS, MY DUDES! Y’all know who you are xD

( @ask-mari-katsuki , @ask–seunggillee , @ask–otayuri , @askyuukonishigori , @ask-georgi-popovich , @ask–grandpa-plisetsky , @askmichelecrispino@askmilababicheva , @ask-emilnekola , @ask-takeshi-nishigori , @ask-minako , @ask-lilia-baranovskaya , @ask–jj, @ask-vik-tuuri if I missed anyone please tag them!)

[Amplify the angst by listening to this while reading the story.]

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Coping Mechanisms

Nozomi’s always hated endings. She’s never known quite what to do with them; once things end, there’s no getting it back. Move after move, greetings and goodbyes always trailing one another, her life’s been a long string of endings and she’s learned how to ignore them. Say hello, smile, endure, then leave- rinse and repeat. No need to admire the scenery or the people; she wasn’t going to see them again in her life after a few months anyway.

Things can’t end if they never started in the first place, right? She can’t cry over leaving people she won’t miss. There’s no home to leave or have to remake- just her, and her books, and the streetlights passing overhead on the long drives across the country at night, each one lasting only a second and forgotten for the next.

And now she stands in the dark stairwell, her trembling hand on the door to the roof. She stands, at the end of her school year, her trembling heart refusing to move on.

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biacepercyjackson  asked:

Out of curiosity what are your favorite percabeth moments?

there are….. so many

1. the kiss in mount saint helens, mostly just for nostalgia reasons, like screaming and kicking the book across my living room in excitement when i was twelve and then running over to pick it back up, also because those two chapters (i set myself on fire and i take a permanent vacation) are my favorite two in like… the whole series, pretty much.

2. the best underwater kiss of all time, because it’s the big kiss, there was so much buildup and i remember feeling so relieved, and i love the camp celebrating and i love the happiness following the aftermath of the war and i think the underwater thing is so cool. and also because i thought the not-so-subtle implication that they were making out was the greatest thing ever (i still do). and also because it’s hilarious to imagine clarisse and the stolls and whoever else shuffling their feet awkwardly and slowly leaving one by one

3. any time that is kind and supportive and soft and there’s no bravado or sarcasm, even if it’s just a sentence. putting her hand on his shoulder in the lightning thief and promising that they’re going to figure it out, grabbing his hand on charon’s ferry, grabbing his hand in the labyrinth, telling him she’s so sorry about his mother, or the only time he really loses it when he sees paul’s car during the war and she starts speaking really softly and gently, or when he’s holding the pithos with hope inside sitting next to rachel and hestia on the hearth and even though she’s angry and jealous she’s visibly concerned and asks if she and grover should leave again, or after he comes out of the lake holding her knife and she throws her arms around him and says i love you, or when they’re underneath the argo ii and she simply says “i missed you,” or when they have the conversation in tlo about building something permanent or when they look in each other’s eyes after luke’s death and there’s this moment of raw intensity or when she starts crying when he turns down godhood or the dance on olympus when he describes the music as a little sad but maybe a little hopeful too, and all those moments where she takes the knife and gets hurt and he takes care of her and they have that conversation….. and basically the entire second half of mark of athena when he encourages her to go on the quest even though it’s physically painful for him to say goodbye or when she’s wishing that anyone was with her but especially percy because she always feels braver when he’s with her and so many times in tartarus when they’re leaning on each other like the statue of hermes or when he says he keeps taking her hand just to remind himself that there’s warmth in the world and basically all of tartarus they’re so good to each other down there

4. the very end of mark of athena when the argo ii comes through the ceiling and she’s in shock and then she hears him calling her name and starts sobbing and then he slowly guides her away from the pit and whispers in her ear and holds her hand while she’s telling the story OH MY GOD I’M DYING OVER HERE and of course falling into tartarus because that’s a beautiful scene

5. when he’s dying in tartarus, i love those chapters for so many reasons, especially that beautiful angsty moment when she grabs him and sobs. and how she’s so focused on saving his life that she’s willing to go all the way back to the phlegathon if she has to and the thoughts of closing the doors of death and getting out of tartarus don’t even cross her mind, she’s not thinking about how much time that’s going to cost them. and it really struck me how she said “my friend needs help” to damasen instead of “boyfriend” because i felt like it emphasized his worth to her in a more profound way, like even without the romance the connection they have and who he is as a person means so much to her, and then she later confirms this by reflecting that she doesn’t even know what word to use because he’s part of her.

6. “She pressed her face into his shirt and kept her eyes closed tight. She was trembling, but not just from fear. Percy’s embrace was so warm and comforting she wanted to stay there forever, safe and protected… but that wasn’t reality. She couldn’t afford to relax. She couldn’t lean on Percy any more than she had to. He needed her, too.” this is honestly probably one of my favorite percabeth quotes from the entire series, because it’s really sweet and loving, but it’s also such a mature and considerate view of how relationships work and i love how she’s able to recognize that he’s also having a hard time and while she needs him and he’s responsive to that, she’s aware of his own needs and his own strength, and while she sees him as a support system and a source of strength, she doesn’t think he’s perfect or invincible.

Wherever you are (Luke Hemmings)

Requested: Yes

Word count: 1249

Story line: One shot based on the song by 5 Seconds Of Summer ‘Wherever you are”

For a while we pretended

That we never had to end it

But we knew we’d have to say goodbye

You were crying at the airport

When they finally closed the plane door

I could barely hold it all inside

I had to bit my bottom lip when I saw her eyes filled with tears. It killed me seeing her like that. And not only that, I wanted to cry too because I couldn’t believe this was happening. I was feeling a lot of things, from sadness, to anger, nostalgia and even happiness because I was leaving Sydney to pursue my dreams. This is what I wanted to do all my life and now that I was one step away from doing it, I was having second thoughts. But I knew, deep down, that it wasn’t second thoughts; I was sure about what I wanted to do and that was have a musical career. “Stop crying, please” I begged her in a mumble and that only made her cry more. I took her in my arms and I pressed her body into mine, wrapping her in a hug.

“I knew it wasn’t a good idea” she murmured into my chest, still crying. “For a while we pretended that we never had to end it but all this summer we had known that this wasn’t possible, Luke. And we continued with this relationship when we knew that it wasn’t going to last. We only hurt ourselves”.

“I don’t regret it” I confessed, and it was true. Maybe we hurt ourselves pretending that everything was fine, that I wasn’t going anywhere but I had spent the most amazing months with Y/N and I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world. “We don’t have to end it” I added in a mumble. She softly pulled her body away from mine and looked me into my eyes. Maybe someone would think that with her swollen eyes and her red cheeks she was ugly but she was still beautiful. I didn’t want to leave her. I didn’t want to break up with her. I wanted to try it.

“Don’t” she murmured. “Please, don’t. We talked about this, Luke”.

“I don’t want to leave you” I said and my voice trembled. Then, I felt a tear falling down my cheek and Y/N started to sob while she shook her head. I promised myself that I wasn’t going to put Y/N through this, that I was going to be the stronger one but I really didn’t want to leave her.

“We both know that we have to say goodbye, Luke” she said between sobs. “It’s for the best”. She stood on her tiptoes, she placed her hands in my chest and kissed my lips. I let my backpack fall into the ground and I grabbed her thighs, forcing her to jump and wrap her legs around my waist. Then I cupped her face and I kissed her until I heard some of the boys calling my name. I let her on the ground and she bit her lip. “I love you, Luke. I always will”. I kissed her again and again, telling her that I loved her until the boys called me again. When the flight attendants finally closed the plane door, I could barely hold it all inside me.

Torn in two

And I know I shouldn’t tell you

But I just can’t stop thinking of you

Wherever you are

It had been a month since the last time I had seen Y/N and my broken heart isn’t healing. Technically, she has not broke my heart but all the situation has left me heartbroken. We promised each other that we wouldn’t send messages or pictures or even call each other because it was hard enough this way to make it more complicated. But I couldn’t handle it anymore, I missed her. I needed to hear her voice so I called her one night, forgetting about the time zones. She picked up her phone and her voice sounded sleepy and I couldn’t help but hold my phone tightly, imagining she was there, by my side. “I know I shouldn’t tell you, but I just can’t stop thinking of you” I said, without saying hello. I heard her gasp and after a few seconds without saying anything, she said: “I can’t stop thinking of you either, wherever you are”.

I could fly a thousand oceans

But there’s nothing that compares to

What we had, and so I walk alone

“You’re living your dream, Luke” she said that night when I told her for the thousandth time that I missed her. “I could fly a thousand oceans but there’s nothing that compares to what we had, you know? I mean, yes, I’m living my dream but it would be so much better if you were here by my side”. She didn’t answer me to that. I knew what I was doing was low, that I wasn’t the only one who was having a hard time with that but I would do anything to have her back. “You promised me you wouldn’t call me” she finally said. “I know” I answered. “This hurts, Luke. This hurts so much and I can’t do this. I can’t pretend to be happy when I hear your voice because I’m not happy, I’m sad. I’m angry because we had to leave what we had because you had to pursue your dreams. And I’m happy for you, I really am but I deserve a happy ending too, you know? And you, by calling me, are denying me that”.  I knew she was right but I couldn’t stand the thought of not hearing his voice anymore. “Please, promise me you won’t call me again”. “I can’t do that” I mumbled. “Please, Luke”.

I wish I didn’t have to be gone

Maybe you’ve already moved on

But the truth is I don’t want to know

I wish I had never say yes. Six months had been since the last time I heard from Y/N and it still hurt like the first time. Maybe she had already moved on and the truth was I didn’t want to know but it was hard to avoid her pictures on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. She seemed happy again. Happy without me.

Every night I almost call you

Just to say it always will be you

Wherever you are

I wanted to call her every night. I wanted to know how she was doing. I wanted to say to her that it will always be her, that I will always love her. But she had a boyfriend now, I had seen it in her social networks. She was on a holiday with him. Wherever she was, I was still in love with her while she had already forgotten about me.

You can say we’ll be together

Someday

Nothing lasts forever

Nothing stays the same

So why can’t I stop feeling this way

It had been one year since Y/N and I broke up. And after all that time, after she made me promise her I wasn’t going to call her anymore, she sent me a text message. “I still think we’ll be together someday. I miss you, Luke. I never stopped missing you”. She wasn’t right. Nothing lasted forever. Nothing stayed the same. But it seemed I couldn’t stop feeling this way. “I still love you” I answered but she never texted me back.

Fall & I’ll Catch You [Bucky Barnes One Shot Continued - Request].

A/N: Hello my lovelies! Here is part two of the request I posted last night, ‘Don’t You Know A Soldier, When You See One?’. Thank you so much for responding so well, I love you all! I was asked to continue this, and came up with this! 

The first part was based off this: 

  • Anonymous asked:
  • Hey!! I was wondering if you can write a one-shot where the reader is stuck in an alley being bothered by some men. Skinny Steve and Bucky try to help the reader out but they don’t know that the reader is a badass takes herself out of the situation. She can end up flirting with Bucky and is besties with Peggy carter! Thank you very much!

Thank you so much for requesting anon and the same to everyone else who has requested, liked, reblogged, commented on or messaged me about my writing! <3

Pairing: Bucky x Reader. 

Warnings: None. Just uh, lots of angst. I’m sorry. 

Disclaimer: Nope, I don’t own anyone and you belong to you! 

P.S: As per usual, this has been edited/checked, but if there are any mistakes, please forgive me!


It had been a stressful few days. After helping Peggy and Howard, get Steve to where the captives were being held, you’d been under scrutiny by Colonel Phillips. But that all seemed like years ago, Steve had returned with the men of the 107th, everyone was celebrating. And yet, your heart wasn’t in it. Soon, you’d all be moving on to take down the remaining Hydra bases, to get to Red Skull, many of the people surrounding you would be dead. You might even die. A thought that up until this point, hadn’t been so frightening.

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We Sway

He ran his fingers through his hair and tugged while trying to block her out.
“ I mean how can you do this to me. You literally got a FUCKING. HARD. ON. doing a rumba with her. Why didn’t you just mount her right there on stage.” Peta screamed at him in one of the rehearsal rooms.

“ I am sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen.” He sighed while rubbing a his tired eyes.

“Thats your big excuse? I have been trying so hard to make this work and that bitch keeps getting between us.” Peta said harshly causing Maks to jump to his feet.

“Dont fucking call her that. Yell at me all you want but Meryl did absolutely nothing too you so watch your mouth.” He snapped causing Peta to recoile back and gasp. “Why are you defending her over me?” She whined with ushed tears. ‘Fucking great’ Maks thought. But he wasnt caving. She crossed the line.

“Why are you attacking her?” He shot back.

“Because of what happened. She embarrassed you in front of everyone and you dont even care.” Peta tried to justify.

“What happened out there was not Meryls fault. It was mine. I got lossed in the moment and I apologized. Let it go.” Maks sighed ready to be done with this night.

“ NO! I won’t le…”

“Dam it Peta shut the fuck up for five fucking minutes!” Maks screamed cutting her off. Storming over to the door Maks flung it opened and stomped out. He rushed past the many cast members that most likely heard everything. He just needed to get away from everyone. He needed to breath.
So caught up with his escape, Maks failed to notice the small figure in the corner watching everything.
He continued with his rage through the costume room, up the stairs, and all the way to his destination. The desserted balcony. It was the only balcony they wern’t allowed to seat guest in due to safety precautions. They stored stuff up here when needed but No one really ever came up here otherwise . Except her. She always came with him when he needed to breath. A gentle smile lit his face as he remembered when they would bring there lunches up here. They always sat in row 8 so Meryl could watch the dancers practice as they fed eachother. He loved watching her face as she took everything in. She was like a small child…so enraptured and curious.
They napped in row 3 because the arm rests were all broken. He always lied down first. She always followed.
They danced and played in row 1 because there was so much room. He would chase her as she hopped over broken seats and she would climb all over him as he tried to sleep.
He made love to her in rows 8, 9, and 10. Because he could never get enough of her.
Maks was brought out of his nostalgia by a door slowly closing. Spinning around he came face to face with his muse.

“Hi” she whispered as she slowly walked towards him.

“Hey…” Maks whispered back. “Did you need something…” he trailed off. Trying to look like he had some dignity left.

“Yes.” The petite brunette said matter of factly. Surprising the tall Ukrainian.

“Oh…” he mumbled. “…well whatever it is Ill do whatever I can. Is it dancing…are you having trouble? your costumes? are you hurt? was it Artem ? Ill talk to him” Maks questioned in panic mode.

“No Maks, it’s you.” She said quietly, causing all the blood to drain from his face.

“Baby whatever I did I am so sorry. Just tell me how to fix it and I will.” Maks said trying to choke back a sob. He was such a failure. He fucked up everything, first Peta and now the love of his life. He would rather die then hurt his little fairy.

“No, nothing like that.” Meryl said walking closer.

“Then wha…”

“I need you to hold my hand.” She whispered cutting him off and surprising Maks. They both stood there for a moment until he hesitantly reached forward and finally grabbed her hand. He felt it. The moment they made contact…their inevitable connection. And it brought him to his knees right in front of her. He let out stranggled sob as Meryl pulled him to her. He burried his face in her stomach and strangled her small waist. She sunk to the ground with him in her arm and allowed her teddy bear to cry.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen” he cried into her shirt.

“I know” she whispered as she slipped her hand under his tank top and rubbed soothing circles in to his bare back.

“She makes me feel so bad about myself.” He managed to muffle out.

“She called you a bitch and I screamed at her…” he continued on.

“I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Oh teddy bear…” she whispered while kissing his forehead. “…my big protective teddy bear.”

“I miss you so much” he whimpered as more tears flowed. She gently rocked him back and forth. Trying to hold her man together. She hated Peta for making her gentle, nurturing, and loving man feel like this.
She lied there holding him for almost an hour until Maks started to stir. She soon felt her shirt slowly ride up as he began to pepper kisses all over her belly. She knew it was wrong. They both had other people to return to…but she didn’t have the heart to tell him ‘no’ he needed comforting and she yearned to be his blanket.

“Maksim…we shouldn’t ” she sighed closing her eyes while Maks tugged her leggings down.

“We should…” he disagreed pressing a kiss to her hip while moving lower.

“…but what abou…”

“All I care about is you Merylushka.” He breathed against the inside of her thigh.
“Just you” he inhaled.

“Oh Mak…” Meryl tried but he was already gone.
“ UGH…” she cried out as he latched on to her core. She reached down and tangled her hand into his hair and held him to her as he ate.
“Ah…oh…Maksim…uh, uh…” she whimpered.

Maks reached up and laced his fingers with hers as he continued to pleasure her. She immediately brought their joined hands to her mouth and kissed each one of his knuckles. She squirmed against him as she reached her peak but he held her still as she rode it out. When he felt her go limp he rose from between her thighs and slammed his mouth against hers.

“Maks…baby” she panted breaking away from his eager lips.
“What happened tonight on stage?” She asked needing to know. He gazed down at her and kissed her forehead gentley before answering, “I dont know princess. One minute I am just trying to get through the dance so I don’t have to hear it from Peta and then…” he trailed off.
“Then what?”

“Then your hands…” he whispered.

“Your soft… tiny hands touched my chest and then your bottom…your small bottom slowly pressed into my…” he paused closing his eyes. “

“Its okay honey. Go on…” she encouraged.

“…so then I started to remember the first time I made love to you…” he swallowed. “Because I choreographed our Rhumba the next day.” He finished quietly. She didn’t say anything, she just grabbed his chin and brought his mouth to hers, letting him know that it was okay.
He quickly stripped her of her top as she tugged his pants and boxers down. Locking eyes, Maks slid home allowing them both to breath a sigh of relief.
Beginning to thrust Meryl couldn’t help her loud moans that began to echo. Quickening his thrusts, Maks covered her mouth with his hand to muffle her moans. There glistening bodies drank from each other as they became one again. Meryl squirmed in agonizing ecstasy as Maks replaced his hand with his mouth allowing him to lace their sweating palm on the sides of her head. He pounded in to her. Thrust after thrust.
“ uhh…baby"thrust. "argh” thrust. “oh..oh…uhh…” thrust. “Ugh…” thrust.
“Come on baby…” Maks encouraged. “Let it go, give it to me.” He panted against her mouth.
“Mmm…mmm…ahhgh” Meryl cried into his mouth as they burst together. Maks spilt months of pent of frustration, unhappiness, anger, sadness, and bitterness in to her and she gladly accepted all of him.

Collapsing in a heap. Maks and Meryl held eachother while peppering kisses all over one anothers faces until their heart beats and body temperatures returned to normal.
“ what do we do now?” He asked gently.
“We sway…” she whispered.

So they did.