Basically, in contrary to popular belief, I have a theory that Brendon cheated on Ryan.
Just hear me out.
I’ll be taking evidence from song lyrics, so this might be a bit all over the place.
Hallelujah uses the gender neutral variant of “‘em”
Why not female pronouns? Because it wasn’t a girl that he’s talking about, leading many to believe that by the process of elimination, it would be a guy.
And the lyric : “My life started the day I got caught, under the covers with secondhand lovers.” Which confirms that he, in fact, cheated on someone.
“I was drunk and it didn’t mean a thing” Perhaps he cheated on Ryan while drunk and then regretted it.
Back-track to Lie To The Truth by The Young Veins : “I know I broke your heart, mine is broken, too.”
Maybe that’s not actually a lyric. Maybe it’s something that Brendon said to Ryan; a quote.
“Now if we’re even, then why are we both blue?”
Ryan probably, in turn, cheated on Brendon to get him back, as he’s done that with Keltie, I believe.
Hallelujah has, in response : “Being blue is better than being over it.”
He’d rather be upset than be completely over Ryan, or vice versa.
And as a friend pointed out to me, in Hallelujah, the lyric “You’ll never know if you don’t ever try again” kind of implies that he wants to try things with Ryan again, but obviously that never happened.
Fast-forward a bit from tyv era, we have Trade Mistakes, obviously telling us that Brendon knows he’s done something wrong and regrets it.
There’s another theory with that, created by a friend of mine, but I won’t get into it.
Just something to think about, I suppose, and it also qualifies as proof that I have way too much time on my hands.
The white stripe at the top represents neutral gender and those who are questioning. The green is to refer to any nonbinary gender that is not male or female (or a mix of the two). The black stripe refers to genderlessness or agender.
There are several symbols to represent being neutrois. This one is my personal favorite:
What does neutrois mean?
The terms agender and neutrois are closely entwined in their meanings. The term was originally coined by H. A. Burnham to describe hir gender absence, or genderlessness, in 1995. As time went on, however, the word neutrois also came to describe those with a neutral or null gender.
With the coining of agender, neutrois has often come to have more connotations of a neutral gender, while agender has more connotations of genderlessness, however, either can be used to refer to a neutral gender or a lack of gender.
Some people find neutrois to be defined by a desire to transition to a “neutral” body, however, this is not inherently the case. While many neutrois desire this sort of transition, the notion that it is an inherent aspect of being neutrois I believe comes from the time in which the term was coined and is full of misconception. You can be neutrois without any desire to physically or medically transition.
What is it like to be Neutrois?
This is all, of course, my personal experience with being neutrois, so keep that in mind when reading.
It’s very hard for me to define my gender as a neutrois person. Typically, my gender is neutral, but sometimes, I’m genderless. For a lot of people, those two phrases would mean the same thing, but not to me.
When I say I have a neutral gender, that for me is not the same as saying I am genderless. I like to conceptualize a neutral gender with a color wheel shaped like a ring with a small spot in the middle, and refer to neutral gender as being the spot in the middle. It is a spot on the color wheel, it has a presence that can be identified, but it’s not really particularly any color and it’s not really particularly close to any one color. It’s there, it’s not an absence, it’s just… there in a neutral state.
It was hard for me to realize I was neutrois as well- after all, I wasn’t learning to recognize a distinct gender we have concepts of, but rather, I was learning largely to recognize neutrality. For me, the concept of a neutral gender is a very impressionable one, meaning that, before I really got to the “core” of my gender if you will, it was very easy for me to think that my gender was something else, because since I was neutral and didn’t recognize it, I’d kind of just adopt gender expectations for me. This wasn’t because those expectations fit, they certainly didn’t, but rather that they weren’t… extremely unfitting. It was comparable to a hat that’s just a little too small- it would go on, certainly, but after awhile, you’d realized it didn’t fit quite right, and would lead to headaches until you figured out what was really going on.
For me, being neutrois has involved deepening my understanding of myself, changing my name and pronouns, and considering (though without certainty) aspects of physical/medical transition.
One thing that I want to mention briefly is that “transgenderism” as a condition is probably the only medical or medicalized phenomena I have encountered where the general consensus of people who have it is that they seem to believe that treatment for it, one very particular treatment and no others (or whatever distress alleviating practice one considers transition to be if you aren’t strictly “transmedicalist”), is universally successful. Basically the beliefs amount to something like various clusters of the following:
that if the treatment was not successful that it means the person probably did not have the condition to begin with
that treatment is either “successful” or “unsuccessful” and various degrees of partial resolution is not common or to be expected
that treatment does not come with costs and benefits and that each person has to weigh them seriously to decide whether transition is worth it
that there are no or vanishingly few cases where there are health or personal risks to receiving treatment that mean it is genuinely best for a person to refuse or stop transition
that alternative treatments or a succession of multiple different treatments are not possible or should not be sought for those for whom transition was unsuccessful, only partially successful, or for people who cannot transition without unacceptable risk
that individuals can’t have feelings of regret about treatment due to various serious undesirable outcomes, even if transition ultimately had some desirable outcomes for them, or was possibly even life-saving
that if a person refuses treatment, even for measured and sensible reasons, it means that their condition or the severity of it is suspect
that reports of failures of treatment, negative side effects of treatment, or abuse by professionals giving the treatments are fabricated or misleading and ought to be generally ignored or even ridiculed
that finding out who is best suited to receive a treatment or which people for whom a treatment will likely be successful and to what degree is offensive, invasive, and ought to be avoided as a matter of practice
that the best test of whether a treatment will improve your condition is just undergoing the treatment
that the case where the treatment doesn’t improve your condition is a neutral, to-be-unconsidered case that does not warrant future planning or further consideration about treatment options
These are all bizarre beliefs and I invite anyone who is invested in a medicalized understanding of gender dysphoria to ask themselves why they believe these things about transition if they are manifestly untrue of treatment for any other disease state or medical/medically-treated condition.
Hello! My mom recently found out about the term 'mansplaining', and I wanted to find some articles or something to show her about it, but I could mostly just find articles where men were complaining about it (that was where she first read it) or articles where it is used, but not explained. And i was wondering if you had any reccomendations or tips on how to find it? Hope you're having a lovely day!:)
My opinion on mansplaining: It shouldn’t be viewed as an individual personality failure, and should instead be viewed as a ramification of our overall kyriarchal culture and how it impacts interpersonal communication.
The historical devaluation of women’s contribution/opinion,
The historical devaluation of women’s perspective,
Sexism in regard to the perception of the frequency of contribution (the perception that women dominate conversations/spaces when the concentration reaches 30/70 AND the social expectation for the responsibility of leadership to be placed on male speakers),
Genuine Differences in the way people socialized as men and people socialized as women express ideas/speak in groups/provide credit for ideas in western culture.
Sexism in regards to social expectation of qualification (aka, that thing when you’re surprised that someone with a gender-neutral but advanced title turns out to be a woman when you meet her)
Social expectation of qualification as interpreted by communication style (something that also happens with racism in regards to highly qualified people of color who speak casually/colloquially/with regional dialect)
Male social entitlement– WHICH I am going to aggressively clarify as being something that can impact someone intentionally (when an older man talks down to woman because he genuinely believes she is less-than) or unintentionally (When a man begins mansplaining something to a woman while being impacted by the giant list of social biases listed above (biases that we are all impacted/influence by regardless of gender), who has no idea that he’s being disrespectful/condescending and would be genuinely horrified to realize what he’s doing.) You can quickly figure out which you’re dealing with by gently pointing out that you: explained it and they just reiterated your point/have higher qualifications/have already been taught this/appreciate their perspective but your perspective is more pertinent. If they get super volcanic angry, there u go!
Thanks for your work. My partner started using they pronouns a few months ago. I feel okay about using it around family and friends, but telling new people is hard. Does it get easier? We're getting pretty serious (sometimes talking about marriage and kids) and I'm worried that I will forever be stressed about using their pronouns around new people (especially since my job involves a lot of travel and conversations with clients usually come to asking about partners/personal things.)
Hello Anonymous! This is a brave and important question to ask.
It is true that dating ‘a they’ has challenges that don’t pop up when dating ‘a he’ or ‘a she.’ Today people are always listening for gender markers in how we describe our partners (in some ways, the outmoded presumption of heterosexuality allowed a kind of invisibility - but I digress). What I can tell you is that decisions about this are as individual as people themselves. Your own employment context, your partner’s needs and feelings, and your energy level are all factors that need to be considered as you move forward together.
Because you are thinking future, I think we can take solace in the fact that using singular they/them is becoming more understood in many (North American) contexts and encountering ‘a they’ is less and less of an out-of-body experience. Yesterday I was at a car dealership in the Toronto outskirts with my partner, and when I gently asked the salesman not to call us ‘ladies,’ he responded by telling me about the TV show Billions (which I haven’t even watched yet) and its ‘gender-neutral’ character who uses they/them. Basically, he was letting me know that he’s aware of my deal in an awkward but kindly way, and he moved on quickly and well. (He had studiously avoided using any pronoun for me the entire time.) I see and believe that dating (or being) ‘a they’ will only become less and less of a thing in the coming years. And yes, we were potential customers aka people who were not to be alienated due to our privilege. I don’t know what would have happened if we met on equal footing in his private life. However, I choose to believe that people usually don’t suck, even if only because refusal takes more energy than just going with it.
That said, I have long accepted that being me requires my close people in my life to do some extra work. And many of my close people have particular needs that require extra work from me as well. However, the kind of extra work that I need takes on a bit more visibility and attention sometimes. At moments when you are already tired, or already nervous, they-ing your partner to a stranger or mere acquaintance can be a coming out that you might just have no energy for. Or, it might actually put you at a disadvantage in some workplaces.
I strongly believe that owning up to this humanness and walking beside your partner as a co-conspirator and comrade is your best strategy. Long term, you are far more likely to break up because you keep a lofty standard that burns you out and makes you resent your partner, than if you are real about the ways in which the world does and does not facilitate well-being for people who use gender-neutral pronouns (and our loved ones). Don’t let real societal barriers manifest in your relationship as a refusal of those barriers. Be real with each other, talk about when/where you need to do the work and where/when your partner really just doesn’t have to know or care (like far away from anyone they would ever know), and ensure that you always have external, non-judgmental supports who are not each other.
And lastly, I asked my partner if it does easier: yes!
My very best to you both, and write back some time,
One of the biggest things I'm looking forward to in the conversion process is wearing a kippah; I'm just really in love with the whole idea of it. Problem is, I'm a woman... What do I do?
In my Reform synagogue, women can and do wear the kippah! I believe it’s increasingly a gender neutral practice across many movements, though there are still some hangups in Orthodoxy (some folks view women wearing the kippah as a violation of the “prohibition against cross-dressing,”* which…blegh). But you should talk to your rabbi about it! Generally speaking, rabbis want their conversion students to engage in practices and rituals that help nourish their developing Jewish identity.
People who hate on others’ depictions of humanized WBB and really any other characters in any show/book/etc.
Okay, I get that seeing Panda white is a bit off-putting since he’s is a panda, which are Chinese, but I’m really not liking the hatred towards those whose fan art depicts the humanized bears as cis men. There is nothing wrong with having a headcanon that the three of them are all cis men, nor is there any problem having a headcanon that Panda is a trans girl or that Ice Bear is gender neutral or whatever it is that you believe. Headcanons are a personal thing and just because it’s not your own opinion, doesn’t mean it’s not valid. Instead, judge the actual quality of their art and maybe give them pointers on ways to improve their art skills, rather than hate on something that shouldn’t matter to anyone but the artists themselves.
Chapter 1 of my ReaderxSans fic
series, which will be called “Sans days” until I figure out a better title. Post
true pacifist ending. Gender neutral this chapter, PG-13 minus some swearing I
guess, just meeting Sans and setting up future fics if you guys like it.