which is actually the greatest

anonymous asked:

If one hypothetically wanted to read your Eldritch Abomination Garfield fic, how would one go about finding it as directly searching for 'garfield' hypothetically does not include the fic?

“They bought it?” Lyman asked as Jon hung up the phone.

“I got the contract,” Jon confirmed, dazed. “I’m — I’m syndicated.”

“You did it, man!” Lyman said, clapping him on the back. Odie barked.

“They’re already thinking about merchandising deals,” Jon continued, staring into space.

“I told you things were going to turn around for you,” Lyman said with a nod. Odie continued barking, making it clear that he was not just trying to be supportive. “Hey, look, I’ve gotta take the dog for a walk. If the alarm goes off while I’m gone, can you take dinner out of the oven?”

“Yeah,” Jon said, with no real conception of what he was agreeing to. He still had not yet finished processing that phone call, the idea that he was going to be paid, consistently, that he was a working cartoonist, that his comics would be in papers. Merchandising deals. Merchandising.

It was not until he heard the door that Jon realized he was alone in the apartment.

Just him, and Garfield.

From the corner, it growled.

Jon’s heart spasmed; he hadn’t realized it was in the same room. “H—hey,” he said. It would have been a dumb thing to say if it was a normal cat. It was a dumber thing to say under the circumstances. Its eyes glowed red in the shadows. “How are you?” he asked, then winced as the cat growled again. “Heard the good news?” he asked weakly.


It rumbled through his brain like an earthquake, words without words. He covered his ears even though it wouldn’t help. “Yeah, thanks for—”


Jon’s heart spasmed again, overwhelmed with the sense of a hunger not his own. “Right, about that—”

YOU WILL FEED ME it said, words written in blood, thick and hot.

“—yes, I got that, I’m just not really sure what I’m supposed to—”

MEAT and the word throbbed, tore.

“Would chicken be okay?”

UNACCEPTABLE it said in broken bone and jellied marrow.

“I don’t want to stereotype you by assuming you want to eat my roommate—”

YES GIVE ME HIS HEART it said, pulsing, torn flesh.

“—but you can’t eat Lyman.”

I͇̤͜ ̭̩W̨͕̪̠͙I̧̫͍͕̤̥̥̥L̜̜̭͔̪͢L̡͉͍͍͓̣ ͇F̤̜E̤̱̼̩͙̺͢E̥̳̫D̯͚̰ͅ

The glowing eyes moved from the shadows, grew larger, taller. Hellfire, if fire could cast dark instead of light, orange and red, fire and blood. The indistinct shape that might have been a cat became an indistinct shape that might have been a man, large, always large. Jon shrank back as it stretched to fill the room, tried not to look directly at it. Hot breath and sharp teeth against his skin, even though it couldn’t have been, because he was still wearing his jacket.

There was a chiming sound.


“Uh.” Jon swallowed, hard. “Dinner?”


“Yes,” Jon said, “but I don’t know if you can eat people food…”

Garfield sat in the middle of the floor, wide as it was tall. Its gaze was baleful.

“Right. You can eat whatever you want.” Slowly Jon inched around the cat to head toward the kitchen. “I don’t really know what it is, though. It might be… vegan.”

Garfield hissed, the sound of pain, and Jon fled toward the oven.


Jon stopped himself from telling the cat get off the counter. “I think it’s a casserole,” he said, removing the dish to set it on the stove. He gingerly removed the lid, his hands safely wrapped in oven mitts. “Oh. It’s lasagna.”


“It has to cool,” Jon said. Garfield hissed again, and the sound turned Jon’s blood to fiberglass. He backed away, and the cat leapt bodily and entirely into the baked pasta. It did not seem bothered by the fact that the pasta sauce was still bubbling, and Jon tried not to look at the void of its mouth. A black hole rimmed with fangs, an absence of all light, drawing in all that it touched to disappear within.

WHAT IS THIS it asked, and a hellfire paw batted at a stretchy piece of mozzarella.

“… cheese?”

The cat-shaped thing nodded, still sitting in the dish of lasagna.


“You don’t have cheese in hell?”

It nodded again.

“I guess that’s what makes it hell.” If Garfield appreciated this observation, it did not show it. It cracked open its maw again, more lasagna disappearing, and Jon looked away. “That lasagna was supposed to feed us for a week,” he sighed. “How much longer do I need to do this?” he asked.


“Until I’m satisfied?”


Realization dawned. “Wait, but — I thought this was a one-time thing.”


“If you leave, I get fired?”


“So I might still be able to make it on my own.”


Jon thought of the portfolio sitting in his room, and sagged. “… no.”

It grew, limbs stretching, claws turning to fingers and then claws again. It sat on the counter like a solid mirage, licking red from its hands.


Syndication and merchandising deals and maybe someday a cartoon on television. His signature in every newspaper in every house in the country. In the world, even. He raked his fingers through his curls and tried not to look at its claws.

“I guess I’m stuck with you, then,” Jon said.

It didn’t slide off the counter the way a man would, shifted off like drifting smoke or licking flames, stood and was no shorter. Tall and broad and solid, a weight to its presence as it moved closer. Jon shrank back again as it loomed, and this show of submission seemed to please it. Hot breath and sharp teeth against his skin again, and he shivered.


Today I went to Barnes & Noble and was checking out the teen fiction section when I found the greatest quote I have ever read in my 24 (almost 25) years of living. You’re not ready so just take a breath before this happens to you and you can never go back, okay?

“Poppy slipped her long, white limbs into her pale yellow dress, like milk sliding into melted butter.”

sooo a week ago or so i saw @rosymamacita and others comparing bellarke to this very pretty couple from North and South (a movie which no I have not watched …yet) and dang their kiss was amazing… so i kinda felt compelled to doodle a bellarke version. ;)

Kind of Blue was the first jazz album I consciously listened to. Everybody made a big deal about it (it was ranked in the top 20 of Rolling Stone’s Greatest 500 Albums of All-Time, which I actually gave a shit about back then) and I figured I should tackle it. I was a fairly open-minded listener and thought I’d get into jazz through it, like everybody else seemed to. But that wasn’t in my cards.

I listened to Kind of Blue a few times over the course of a few months (last.fm puts my first listen on September 5, 2011) and I thought it was pretty benign wallpaper music. It had a neat vibe but they were just playing a bunch of notes, and they weren’t doing it in a very exciting way. Most of the tracks started with catchy bits, then meandered a bunch. Who cares? Not me, not then. If that’s all jazz was I wanted little part of it. Understand where I was coming from at the time. I was in the throws of Beatlemania, and artists like Simon & Garfunkel, M.I.A., and Public Enemy were my bread and butter. It was before my experiences taught me that sometimes, as a listener, you have to meet the music halfway.

As you can guess, I eventually did warm up to jazz. It wasn’t through Kind of Blue though. Albums like John Coltrane’s Giant Steps, Sonny Rollins’ Way Out West and Saxophone Colossus, Herbie Hancock’s Empyrean Isles and even the later Miles Davis release Bitches Brew did. Most of these were higher energy and all-around caught my interest more heavily. By this time I had also grown more appreciative of the jazz aesthetic and the different sonic qualities of instruments. My interest in jazz really took off, and my music listening has never been the same since. It is, by far, my favorite kind of music. 

Now I consider Kind of Blue a classic, with personal reservations. I love it for its emotional subtlety and its high quality, very individualized solos. Every player has their own voice that is memorable and distinct from their colleagues beyond the different mechanics and timbres of their instruments. This is one of the core concepts of modern jazz and the album captures that incredibly well. If I’m in the right mood I will enjoy it as much as any jazz recording ever recorded. Yet due to my history with the album I never recommend it to people as their first jazz album, even though it is considered the canonical gold standard recommendation. I fear a cursory listen of Kind of Blue might fail to impart the excitement of jazz to new listeners, just like it did for me. People used to more immediately rewarding genres of music might assume that it is nothing more than glorified ambient music or, even worse, dig the shallow high of jazz’s vaguely intellectual aesthetic and walk away thinking that is its appeal. I think it is not.



i just like how some people in our stupid european union are still on the right track, including this wannabe rammstein music video

anonymous asked:

Ooh, ooh, prompt idea! What about Akashi meeting Suzuno Chiho - either meeting her randomly with Furihata while out and about or seeking her out deliberately once he hears about her? I mean, after he finds out about the awful stuff she said to Furi I imagine he has a few choice things to say to her! Maybe he Orders her to do something humiliating or maybe just lays down a verbal smackdown, but I would love to see her getting her comeuppance at the hands of a righteously pissed boyfriend! :)

In the weeks immediately following his ordeal (being abducted, shot) there was a pretty sharp disconnect between reality and Furihata’s experience of it. People would come up and talk to him all the time and it was increasingly hard to tell if he’d actually met them before or if they were just curious strangers who wanted to know more about his dramatic experience. In all honesty, Furihata had a hard time even remembering the faces and conversations in that time period, because so much of everything was a blur.

Teiko had been a nightmare, and in the weeks that followed Furihata wasn’t sure he was fully awake yet.


So it takes him awhile to realize that his ordeal has apparently made him interesting, in a way that nothing ever has before, because now all of a sudden the girls in his class are actually talking to him.

Which, frankly, feels like the greatest injustice in the world, because after of years of being practically invisible to the opposite sex, he’s now finally being noticed, and all he can think about is Akashi Seijuurou.

If there is any kind of higher power (fate, gods, the universe), it certainly has a quirky sense of humor.


He never thinks about Suzuno Chiho anymore, except as a passing comparison to realize that what he felt then is nothing at all to what he feels now.

(He had, he grudgingly admits, been in love with the idea of love. Suzuno Chiho wasn’t a real person to him, just what he wanted her to be for him. Which was unfair to her, and also very childish. It’s no wonder his brother never took his romantic pursuits seriously. They weren’t very serious at all).

The fact that girls are talking to him now and it means nothing to him is really just a confirmation that whatever this thing with Akashi is (right now, just a text, an email, a phone call, and a memory) it’s different to whatever he had before.


When he finally starts dating Akashi, it seems almost too good to be true, and he has the kind of happiness that can’t be brought down by anything. And he still wanders in a sort of daze where his surroundings don’t quite seem real.

It’s why it takes him awhile to realize that Chiho is talking to him. “I was saying we should go to the movies this weekend. You can pick me up at six—”

“He has a boyfriend now!” Fukuda blurts out, startling both Furihata and Chiho. “A really rich one!”

“Yeah, he does!” Kawahara steps in. “A good-looking, rich, athletic boyfriend! Who loves him!”

“And spends lots of money on him!” Fukuda says.

“And he’s a million times better looking and awesome than you! So Furi doesn’t need you!” Kawahara finishes.

What?!” Chiho says.

“What,” Furihata says.


“Were you trying to make her jealous for me?”

“She needs to know you’ve moved on,” Fukuda sniffs.

“I have moved on!”

“Right! To a really rich, athletic, good-looking boyfriend,” Kawahara says. “You really should emphasize that more.”

“Come on, guys,” Furihata says, deeply embarrassed.

You come on. If I were you, Furi, I’d be telling everyone who ever rejected me that I now had a rich boyfriend,” Kawahara says.

“A handsome rich boyfriend. I mean, objectively speaking,” Fukuda says.

“I don’t… think that’s how it works,” Furihata says, “Considering most of them would rather date Akashi than me.”

“Well, exactly,” Kawahara says. “It shows what a hot commodity you are.”

“But…that’s so unnecessary,” Furihata exclaims. He’s happy now. He’s the kind of happy he didn’t think could exist outside of fiction. It doesn’t seem right to gloat about that.

“Believe me,” Kawahara says darkly. “It was necessary.”

A/N: Thanks for the prompt suggestion, anon-friend! I didn’t necessarily think she needed a lot of heavy punishment for just being kind of shallow, and I also didn’t think that was something Furihata would really want. But I also thought his friends would *absolutely* agree she needed a righteous smackdown.Thanks again! And I hope you still enjoyed!

saeryenkalador  asked:

About Azula: I tend not to blame Zuko or Ursa for her problems. I think it's all on Ozai. I think, when you think about it, Ozai is (of course) the true villain here: manipulating and hurting everyone around him just to get what he wanted.

People who defend Legend of Korra often point to Ozai as an example of A:TLA having flat villains. But Ozai is deceptively powerful in ways that people don’t often think about. Consider that he was able to effectively stage a coup against the Dragon of the West by playing just the right political cards at just the right time. Consider that Zhao’s invasion to take out the Moon Spirit had to be personally approved by the Fire Lord, and that Zhao got promoted again and again for his suckupitude loyalty to the crown. And as much as we praise Azula for her manipulative genius, the dissolving shot from Azula’s face to Ozai’s in “Day of Black Sun, Part 2″ makes it abundantly clear that every time we see Azula’s mind games, we are seeing a little of Ozai as well. 

Then there’s Zuko and Ozai’s confrontation in the bunker. Ozai manipulates Zuko into staying past the eclipse even after Zuko knows full well that’s what Ozai is doing. Ozai knows Zuko’s weaknesses, and Zuko just can’t help himself. 

The irony is, for all that Ozai prizes firebending in general and his own in particular, every time Ozai relies on his bending (after the eclipse, during his fight with Aang), he loses. Every time he relies on his psychological warfare, political proxies, and cult of personality, he wins. And that’s why I never really bought the idea that depriving Ozai of his bending made him less dangerous. If anything, it made him more so, because he would be forced to fall back on his old tricks, which are actually his greatest strengths as a villain.

guys i just thought of a thing


like it wouldn’t even need to be a crossover, since Delta Squad actually fucking exists in TCW canon, which is the greatest thing.  they would probably hate each other on sight, and then find out (once they’re trapped in close quarters) that both squads are made up of the EXACT SAME PERSONALITIES and the fireworks start.

like you’ve got your quiet, technology-oriented guys in Fixer and Tech - they quickly get locked in a silent, bitter cold war over whose skills are ~more advanced~ and nobody hears a peep from either of them after that, but the ship’s speakers have been blaring Corellian opera for three days and the same six songs keep looping and it won’t turn off.

Crosshair and Sev are banned from shooting anything while on the ship after just one brief competition (“WE ARE IN A PRESSURIZED METAL CONTAINER FLYING THROUGH HYPERSPACE WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THAT?!?!”), so they start devising ways of killing one another and making it look like an accident.  nobody wants to leave them in the same room alone because then only one’s coming out.

Hunter and Boss get along pretty well at first, but as time wears on they start getting on each others’ nerves.  there’s a lot of glaring and arguing about who is in charge here behind closed doors.  Scorch makes no less than thirty jokes about ‘Mommy and Daddy fighting again’.

speaking of Scorch, he and Wrecker are actually total bros and everyone wishes they’d hate one another instead, because that friendship is just asking for trouble.  gadgets keep going missing and getting cannibalized for IEDs.

(miraculously, they make it through the mission without Echo snapping and venting the ship while everyone else is asleep.  no one is more surprised than Echo himself.  his increasingly homicidal messages to Rex are popular reading in Torrent Company’s barracks)

(also how long has this been in my drafts and why don’t i remember writing it????)

BTS//Closest (Female) Friend is Aromantic and Asexual

That title is a mouthful…no regrets though. This is (yet another) filler reaction im totally not just making them because i love searching up gifs of the boys and it’s basically what the title says! For notdonaldtrumpp my unproblematic fave and ridiculously gay friend (gay in the aro/ace way ofc)  gifs aren’t mine

-Admin R the reaction queen

A/N (sort of separate from the above): Make sure aro/ace people are known, please. They exist too, just like the rest of LGBTQIA+ people. ¾ of the admins are straight, and I’m bi as fuck, and more or less my sexuality is known on tumblr. But being aro/ace doesn’t get nearly as much attention as possible. Just needed to say that.


“I think I’m aro/ace.” You smiled up at Namjoon (although it honestly was more of a grimace). 

“Really? Okay.” Your best friend since the beginning of time hugged you, seemingly more or less nonchalant at your confession. “I’ll see you after the show, are you coming with us to eat?”

“I-yeah. Yep.” You nodded. “Could you tell the other members?” 

Namjoon nodded. “Sure, sure.” He acted like you were having any other conversation. You were slightly baffled. After a moment, you turned around to leave, happy (but still perplexed) that Namjoon had taken your words without so much as a batted eyelid. 

Suddenly, you heard him speak behind you.

“I’m proud of you, Y/N.”


You had decided to text him your news instead of tell him face to face. It made you less nervous, somehow.

Y/N: I just realized something

Jin: ??

Y/N: I’ve never liked anyone like romantically or physically or whatever

Jin looked up from his phone at you, smiling like he knew what was coming. He nodded and motioned his head towards the phone, silently telling you to go on.

Y/N: I think its called aro/ace…

Jin: whatever your sexuality is, it doesnt matter to me

Jin: the only thing that matters is if you like my cooking 

Jin: speaking of

Jin: Y/N-ah IM huNGRy

Y/N: Youre an idiot but youre my idiot of a best friend, you know that?

Jin: :D


“I’m aromantic and asexual. I don’t feel any kind of attraction past platonic or aesthetic. And… yeah. That’s it.” You looked down at the keyboard of your laptop, just having confessed to your best friend that you were aro/ace.

Yoongi was silent on the other end of the skype call, and you were concerned. What if he didn’t understand? Or worse, if he didn’t believe you, or didn’t believe being aro/ace was real?

Worriedly, you glanced at your screen, only to see Yoongi’s face split into a huge, gummy smile. He nodded gently.

“I’m so proud of you, that’s great.”


Hoseok’s smile could light up any room and make any serious situation light. 

Shuffling your feet awkwardly and staring at the ground, you stood in front of your lifelong best friend, Jung Hoseok. Telling him your greatest secret, which you had (unbeknownst to yourself, actually) been hiding for a long time, had taken a lot of courage. 

Waiting for his reply had taken even more.

Hoseok pulled you into a hug and out of our reverie. Once you had disentangled yourself from him, he shot you a grin and two thumbs up.

“Aromantic and asexual, huh? I need to go look them up to make sure I know everything there is to know about you.”


“Aye, what are you crying about?” Taehyung’s low voice interrupted your thoughts. Hurriedly, you wiped away your tears.

“Nothing, just, this girl outed me at school, and-” You broke down into another bout of tears. Your best friend put his arms around your shoulders, pulling you close.

“Whatever they said, it’s untrue.”

“They said I’m like a plant! A plant, just because I don’t like people and I don’t want to sleep with people!” You hiccuped, drawing a shaky breath. Taehyung shook his head.

“If you wake up green and leafy, only then you will be a plant. Now smile, I hate seeing my practically-sister sad.” Taehyung made his ‘weird alien’ hands at you, smiling. You couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re absolutely amazing, Y/N, you know that?”


Jimin’s eyes crinkled at the corners as a smile crossed his face. You had told another (stupid) joke, intended to make him roll his eyes. He had done that, yes, but Jimin had also laughed at your stupidity. 

You loved your idiot like a brother, and he cared for you like a sister. Every saturday for as long as you could remember, the two of you had gone down to the small tea shop just around the corner and had a couple of hours alone, just to talk and hang out.

Suddenly, you heard a lady behind you. “Look at those two kids on a date! Aren’t they so cute?” 

You winced inadvertently. Jimin, noticing, called out to the lady. “Actually, she’s my sister. She’s adopted, but we’re very much related.”

The woman, blushing and mumbling an apology, retreated to her seat, while you thanked your best friend quietly.

“No problem. Not everyone needs a relationship, Y/N, and just because you don’t need or want one doesn’t make you weird.”


“I knew it!” Jungkook grinned and began clapping his hands together manically. You couldn’t help but laugh- only Jungkook could turn such a serious confession into something mildly amusing. 

“You knew it? I barely knew it before a few weeks ago!” You shoved your best friend lightly, smiling at him. He rolled his eyes.

“Yes, well, I’m a genius, so I knew it before even you. I’m so smart.” Jungkook continued applauding himself, much to your (fake) annoyance.

“This was supposed to be serious and heartfelt!” You sighed, smiling widely. Jungkook immediately stopped smiling and took on an overdramatic look.

“Are you saying that you don’t love me? You never loved me? You never loved anyone? Are you saying you don’t want to sleep with me?” He pretended to be offended.

You smacked him upside the head. “You’re an idiot.”

“Hey! This idiot happens to be your favorite idiot in the world, thanks. But in all seriousness, I did know it. And I’m happy that you know it too. I’m proud of you.”

anonymous asked:

you do not think 1d is coming back as a band? why so? idk i think they will but wanna know your thoughts :)

Thanks for the question - it’s a really interesting one. I don’t not think they’re coming back (if that makes any sense).  I don’t think I’ve ever commented about this before. The short answer is: I don’t know.  but has anyone who follows this blog knows, I’m really bad with stopping at the short answer. 

I think predicting the future is a fools’ errand at the best of times - and demonstrably more so one it comes to 1D (there are things that have been clearly signposted - but the band is also the epitome of that moment in Buffy where Whistler’s voice over is all “the big moments - you never see them coming.”

What I’m most sure of at the moment - is that there is messy behind the scenes negotiations that are limiting what Harry, Louis, Liam and Niall do.  I think there are plenty of signs of this.  Whether it’s Dawbell not announcing Harry as a client, Liam not being able to release his Juicy J collaboration, Louis signing with a management company whose demonstratable skill is to get people on British TV, when the official story is that he’s in LA for the indefinite future.  

But more importantly than any of that - is that nobody is trying to make money off of them at the moment - either individually or collectively.  The nice thing about capitalism is that it does help make things clear.  And if you have a brand as valuable as One Direction and no one is trying to making any off of any part of it - it’s pretty clear to me that no-one can at the moment.

If One Direction were definitely breaking up - then I’d expect one or two of them to try and launch a solo career relatively quickly.  Their brand and fanbase will dissipate during the break.  And the speed with which Zayn’s solo career was launched is I think indicative of that. 

So I think the big question will be - what happens when things start happening.  I basically see three options - either the thing that’ll happen will be an announcement of what One Direction is doing next, or it’ll be the launch of solo careers in a way that is incompatible with One Direction doing more for a long time, or it’ll be the beginning of smaller scale solo projects with One Direction still officially ‘being on a break’.

Basically I don’t think we’ll know anything until people try and make money off of 1D, individually or collectively - and when that happens we’ll have a lot more information.

If I was going to guess I would guess at the moment they think they’re coming back. Just because what people can do at the moment is position themselves for what happens next.  And apart from maybe Niall, they don’t seem to be positioning themselves for solo careers.  But I don’t really know enough about the range of ways that band members have positioned themselves before going solo to make that judgement.

So I was reading the wiki page about sunken aircraft carriers, and found the Japanese aircraft carrier Akitsu Maru, which is actually the sunken carrier with the greatest loss of life, so I decided to directly check her page

>Operated by the imperial Japanese army
>Japanese Army
>aircraft carrier

Japan, what the fuck!

I knew about the rivalry between the army and navy, and I knew the former had ships while the later had tanks, but damn, I never knew said rivalry got this retarded!

I know now how passionate the IR fandom is about writing alternatively-canon non-shitty plot-holes-covered endings. And I love reading them all, they prove we are not just bitter, we did believe in what we read. But personally I wouldn’t see the two of them having kids so soon - which is actually my second greatest dismay at the ending, the first you can guess -, for two reasons: It seems quite unusual to have kids in SS or at least between shinigami, they have never been shown before and everybody seems to take an awful amount of time to grow up -, and second, I’d want them to enjoy the solitary company of each other for a while. To travel alone, to procrastinate together, to stay in silence for days lost in each other’s eyes … And then a child would be born, after years, naturally like a flower in spring.

My greatest fear
  • I always felt like cockles was something Jensen and Misha purposely played up for the fans. But man that Valentine stream, Jensen giving Misha a Valentine without knowing they're filming and actually sort of backing off when he suspects Misha is filming.
  • Which is supporting my greatest fear that they're actually even grosser with each other off camera than on and cameras actually discourage them. We can't even dream how disgusting these two are together when the fans aren't looking. And honestly considering how bad they already are, that line of thought is enough to convince me to implode.