Hey, it’s me again, subverting your favorite tropes,
So we all know Yuuri Katsuki would be the kind of person who wouldn’t tell you he didn’t like mushrooms and would let you feed him mushrooms three meals a day rather than actually let the words “I don’t like mushrooms” emerge from his mouth
Because Anxiety™ am I right folks
But here we can flip this on its head.
Yuuri loves mushrooms.
Mushrooms are Yuuri’s favorite part of any given dish, which is why he separates them out from the rest usually and eats them last. That’s some excellent fungus right there.
Along comes Viktor Nikiforov, he of the lust-inspiring good looks and astoundingly poor social intuition. He watches the Love of His Life pick the mushrooms meticulously out of his dish and says, “Are you going to eat those?”
Yuuri Katsuki is still in a state of complete and utter stupor at this point, because within the last week two discrete–not discreet, mind you, which they are the opposite of–Russians have arrived uninvited to his fucking house, ingratiated themselves to his family an are currently dismantling the very threads of his existence. One of these Russians is his longtime crush (who is currently occupying most of his time lounging around in a provocative manner all but holding a sign over his crotch that reads Reserved seat for Yuuri Katsuki but Yuuri is a little bit feelings-blind so he’s reading it as Look how beautiful and untouchable I am! If you stare at me too long I will literally scar you like the sun and also I CAN HEAR EVERY THOUGHT ABOUT ME YOU’VE HAD SINCE AGE TWELVE! I’M DISGUSTED!) and the other is the actual inspiration for the My Chemical Romance song Teenagers.
So Yuuri can’t quite be blamed for saying no when Viktor Nikiforov asks him if he’s going to eat his favorite part of the dish.
“I’ll take them, then,” Viktor says, and picks them off his plate.
HOW ROMANTIC, Viktor’s brain screams.
Thus begins Yuuri’s mushroomless existence. Viktor loves Yuuri and wants him to Be Happy Always, and so makes a point to ensure that a mushroom never even so much as winks at his fiance ever again. He doesn’t put them in food and always ensures that, if he’s ordering something for Yuuri, it’s without mushrooms. When a dish shows up with mushrooms in it, Viktor deftly picks them out.
“Excuse me, my husband does not like mushrooms,” Viktor says so often that it could be his catchphrase, or perhaps a nickname. Viktor “My Husband Does Not Like Mushrooms” Nikiforov.
This continues until they return to Hasetsu for a visit and Yuuri’s entire family watches as Viktor picks every mushroom off Yuuri’s plate.
It’s a dish with a lot of mushrooms in it.
“You must really like mushrooms,” Mari says to Viktor.
“Oh, not particularly,” Viktor says, picking away. “But Yuuri hates them, so.”
“Oh no,” Yuuri whispers.
“Um,” says Mari.
“That’s funny!” says Hiroko, smiling and leaning her head on her hand. “Yuuri used to love mushrooms! He stole them while I was chopping them.”
“Wow that’s weird,” Viktor says.
“Yeah,” Yuuri mumbles. “Haha, weird. Yeah, weird.”
Viktor slowly turns his head. His plate is now Mount Mushroom. “Kitten,” he says slowly.
“Ahhhh,” Yuuri whimpers.
“Do we need to have that conversation about communication again?” Viktor asks.
“AHHHHH.” Yuuri attempts to crawl under the table.
The answer, for the record, is yes. They’ve had this conversation fourteen times since Barcelona.
“Why am I like this,” Yuuri whispers to himself later that night. Viktor kisses his shoulder and, when they get back to Russia, makes him a pot of Stroganoff that is roughly 89% mushrooms.