I am 35 years old and I have decided that, for the first time in my adult life, I am going to buy a car.
- Am I going to be doing it right now? Fuck no! I’m poor and don’t have the money to buy a car, so I’ve started saving and by this time next year I should be able to afford a decent used car and not have to make too many payments (or any payments)
- Have I ever owned a car before? Fuck no! I shared one with my sister when I was a senior in High school, but that car stayed with her when I went away to college. I didn’t have a car all through college, and then moved to NYC for 10 years where one can live a perfectly normal existence without a car.
- Do I know anything about cars? Fuck no! Aside from the fact that you can drive them places, of course.
- Do I know what car I want? Fuck no! I have three requirements: 1.) I fit in it and can drive it comfortably. I am 6′5″ and 400lbs. While I am a delicate mountain rose, I am not small. I require (a) ample head room, (b) ample wide ass/shoulder/arm room © ample leg room 2.) It is reliable and won’t fall apart on me or require me to beat on the battery with a tennis racket every time I want it to start.
- Do I know how to pump my own gas? Fuck no! When I shared the car with my sister, I drove it so rarely and in such short distances that it never needed gas when I used it. The other times I’ve driven a car and it needed a fill up, I was in New Jersey (for those of you who don’t know: NJ only has full service gas stations).
- Do I even have a drivers license? Fuck Yes I do! I currently have a NY State Drivers license and it doesn’t expire until 2019 but since I now live in Tennessee and will be here for another 2 years at least, I need to switch over so I can fit in with the natives and they will accept me as one of their own.
I will have to get used to driving again. Even though I’ve had my license for 18 years, I have rarely driven. Actually, I think the last time I drove a car, I was still in my 20′s so…it’s been like 7 years.
I have a year to get it together.