the only downside to this apple doc is that there’s SO MUCH ground to cover in less than an hour. like, niall’s done so much..the ‘this town’ promo tour, the jingle ball tour last winter, all that time spent writing in the studio last year and then changing a bunch of stuff up at the start of this year, the summertime radio shows, one love manchester, the flicker sessions…if it were only approx. 600 hours longer on the record would be perfect
Like Alfred walks into the Batcave and Damian is yelling at Jason in Arabic while Jason, who is holding the training daggers too high for Damian to reach without jumping, mocks him in Spanish.
Bruce is cursing in Russian at the computers on the other side of the cave, and Tim and Dick are taunting each other as they spar, and appear to be switching languages every time one of them lands a hit.
Cass appears out of nowhere and takes two sandwiches off the plate Alfred is carrying, smiles and pats his arm, then heads back to where Steph is waiting for her on the good couch, who greets her with a noise that doesn’t quite sound human.
It’s a good thing Alfred speaks the universal language of food.
Bruce posts three types of posts on his social media (which
includes Facebook, and Instagram because Tim said he had to have them or he’d be fired from WE)
The first is posts about where he’s working out. He likes to
challenge himself in more places than just the cave so he goes to a bunch of
different weird places.
Some of his top workout photos include:
Bruce doing pullups off the side of the WE building
His cliff diving off of some of Gotham’s most famous cliffs
The one time he was spotted chasing Damian up a children’s
jungle gym (this was more of a Damian get down incident, but it was also tagged
MY SON and Workout)
The short video of him literally swinging through the trees
in one of Gotham’s parks
Him swimming out to one of the bouys in Gotham’s pier
The second is where he eats:
When Bruce isn’t eating at the manor he’s usually on a date
or at some charity thing so he posts about these often. Most of the time he’ll
talk about the charity, discuss his food, or talk about the person he’s with.
Batkids get very interested if he’s
posting a lot about a woman. They’ve learned how to tell how serious Bruce is
about his current date by how much he says about their date on FB. They also
keep close tabs on his relationship with Selena this way, because it’s easily
more reliable than either Bruce himself or the Tabloids.
The third is his kids. Some favorites are:
The time Bruce posted on his FB: “Just went shopping with
Tim and learned the ingredients in a Red Bull, needless to say they are off the
shopping list forever”
The infamous Steph winning the Waffle Eating competition
Facebook and Instagram cross post. During this event Bruce gave a moment by
moment break down of the contest, right up to the point where Steph won then
proceeded to ask for ‘another plate of waffles.”
Multiple shots of Damian looking put out at a meeting or a
charity event, even more shots of Damian beaming while accompanied by animals.
A favorite on Instagram is him with Batcow.
A lot of selfies with Dick, mostly of them doing mundane
things like eating ice cream or arm wresting, there is also the rare photo of
them working out together.
The famous shot of Bruce and a ‘mystery son’ (aka Jason)
washing a motorcycle together. It looks like it belongs in a magazine and is
captioned: Bonding Time. A lot of the comments for this read like: They look so
The FB post where: “Cassandra and I just finished watching
Inside Out, and we’re both still sobbing”
And the follow up post including a picture with Cass
surrounded by plush figures of each of the characters, an ear-to-ear grin on
her face captioned: Got her these because she loved the movie so much #Best
The Facebook post announcing that Bruce and Barbra started a
team for the annual GCPD charity run and anyone is invited. A ton of people
signed up and they raised a record amount of money that year. Plus Bruce got a
great photo of him and Barbra together at the finish line.
The short video he posted of Duke trying to teach him how to
skateboard cross posted on both Facebook and Instagram. This sparked a Meme of
Famous People on Skateboards where people Photoshopped faces over Bruce’s in
the video. (His favorite is the one someone did of Superman. He sent it to the League
the moment he found it)
Hands down, everyone’s favorite posts are the ones that
include the entire family, most of these come in the form of Instagram posts,
but the Facebook conversations that happen in the comments are not to be
(I should be studying biology. I wrote this instead…)
It was the case. That was what Dick said to himself to
excuse Bruce’s behavior. Arkham inmates all broke out, again, so the tension was high. They were all exhausted, stressed
out, and just generally ready to crash.
But in reality, Bruce has been doing that for years, now.
It was not always like that. In Dick’s first years as Robin,
Bruce was not like this. Sure, he’d snap at him from time to time, but it was never
unwarranted. He had almost always done something stupid enough to warrant the
lecture. And Bruce always comes to him a few hours later, saying things like
how much Dick meant to him and how he couldn’t handle losing Dick. Not in so
many words, of course, where’s the fun in that, but Dick got the gist.
Moreover, Bruce will sometimes, sometimes,
if he was good enough that day, smile at him and patted him on the shoulders.
That always meant ‘I’m proud of you, chum’.
The younger ones never saw that Bruce. Tim, Steph, Cass,
Damian, and Duke only ever saw a Bruce that was already broken from losing Jason.
And Jason? Well, Jason was special. He knew Bruce can be kind and loving, but
those memories were clouded by Bruce’s actions after he returned.
In his heart, Jason will always have that part of him that
was a Gotham street kid. That part will never be able to trust anyone who had
hurt him, because in the streets of Gotham, trusting someone who had turned on
you once will result in your death. And Bruce had hurt Jason countless of
Bruce kept snapping at everyone. At Dick for not watching
his back, at Jason for using excessive force, at Tim for crashing in the middle
of the case, at Steph for not being fast enough, at Cass for not being quick
enough to work the evidence, at Damian for running off alone, and at Duke for
not obeying his orders in the field. None of it was warranted.
So Dick was not surprised to see Jason and Steph grumbling
under their breath. Nor was he surprised to see both Tim and Damian glaring
daggers at Bruce’s cowl. Duke was relatively new, and therefore hasn’t had a
trademark response to Bruce’s sudden anger lapse. He would in a few more
The moment Bruce finished his lecture and went out the room,
the shouting started. Honestly, Dick was surprised they could hold it that
“Enough with the excessive force, Jason. Stop shooting
at criminals, Jason,” Jason said in his worst Bruce imitation. Dick knew
that Jason can do a more or less spot on impersonation of Bruce, so this was
“You need to be fast enough, Stephanie! You’re not good
enough, Stephanie!” Steph said while making bat ears with her fingers.
“Do as I say. Why? Because I’m Batman!”
“This lunatic need to be brought back unharmed,
Jason,” Jason continued. “Fuck it, they deserve what they got.”
“Yeah, maybe tone it down a bit, Jay?” Tim said.
“My bike’s full of bullet holes and I just finished tuning it up. I’m
going to have to do it again.”
“Fuck you, Replacement.”
“Nobody cares about your bike, Drake.”
“Hey!” Tim retorted back.
“I mean, I get that he does this whole lecturing thing
out of love for us and all, but he could stand to show it,” Steph said
before it can turn into an argument about Red Robin’s bike.
“It would be
nice to get a positive feedback once in a while,” Duke said from the side
of the room. “I mean, I’ve been here almost three months and I’ve never
heard him say something positive about any of us.”
“Just three months? Try four years,” Steph
“Try six,” Jason said.
“Just out of curiosity, has anyone ever heard him say
'I love you’ to any of us?” Steph said.
Duke shook his head. Tim took a moment to think but
eventually shook his head. Jason simply grimaced. “Like he would ever
stoop so low.”
“But he says that a lot,” Cass said. Dick turned
his head to see Cass better, and he could see that Cass was confused with the
whole conversation. She had this frown that meant she knew something others
don’t, but can’t find the words to express it.
“What? He never says that, Cass.” Steph frowned.
“Yeah, Cass. He never actually says that to any of
us,” Tim added.
“No. He says that a lot.”
Dick knew where this was going. Cass read body languages.
She read Bruce’s and considered it as valid as a spoken declaration. But that
was not the case with the rest of them. Dick himself could only read the hidden
love in Bruce’s gestures by years of exposition to the man himself and the fact
that he used to say it more clearly.
“Not verbally, Cass, he doesn’t,” Dick interjected.
If he didn’t then this whole thing would go round and round, and it would be
hours before the resulting argument would be finished. “As far as I can
recall, he never says that verbally.”
“Ha! Goldie’s been here the longest and even he never
heard Bruce said it,” Jason said.
“No. He says it a lot.”
“Cass, not verbally, okay?” Dick smiled at her.
“It’s late and we’re all exhausted. So, let’s just leave this for the
night and go to sleep. We can argue this again in the morning when we’re all
Cass looked at him with a disbelieving expression, but
eventually relented to put the issue down for the night. Dick was sure that it
would come up again.
Well, that’s a problem for another day. Right now he needed
Cass knew that
Bruce said he loved them lots of times. The others just didn’t understand the
language that Bruce used. So it’s up to Cass to show them all the times Bruce
Just you wait. By the time Cassandra finished, all of them
were going to be fluent in Bruce’s language of love.
It all starts in 1954 with a horrible book called “Seduction of the Innocent” a psychiatrist named Fredric Wertham claimed in his book basically everything wrong with society came from comics. One of his most famous claims was that Batman and Robin were gay and in a relationship and Batman comics were making young boys gay. The book blew up, there were Congressional hearings and the adoption of the “Comics Code”. DC was left with a major issue, millions of Americans had heard that Batman was gay and making their sons gay, so in 1956 they gave him a girlfriend.
Kathy Kane, Batwoman. She was… um… you can imagine a woman hero in the 1950s made up solely to give Batman a case of the not gays? she was about as effective as you can expect, rather than an utility belt she had a utility purse. Basically she was there to tease Batman, or to need to get saved by Batman. Now Dick’s age between 1940 and the late 1970s was a little vague but the first 20ish years Robin was very young (9-10 years old). Starting in the late 1950s and early 1960s to reflect a slightly different age demographics of the readers DC started to shift him to be more of a middle school age. As a result the question was raised “Does Robin have a case of the not gays?”
In 1960 DC answered that question and gave us Bat-Girl (note the spelling) Betty Kane was Kathy Kane’s niece. She was basically the same as Batwoman in being basically useless, teasing Dick (as you can see) and needing to be saved by him. She didn’t last long She showed up a number of times between 1960 and 1964 when a new editor thankfully canned the fainting doormat love interests. Betty wasn’t seen or heard from for about 10 years, briefly she appeared in the Teen Titans in the 1970s
(wait is her hand on Dick’s butt?) I don’t think they explained where she went or anything. After Crisis on Infinite Earths Batwoman and Bat-Girl were written out of history. Bette Kane (note the spelling) would return as the hero Flamebird with a new history
in 1966 Ratings were struggling in the live action Batman TV show and Executive producer William Dozier asked Batman editor Julius Schwartz to come up with a female hero to help attract women to the show. It was Dozier to came up with the idea that she’d be the daughter of Commissioner James Gordon. Selling the idea of Batgirl (note the spelling) to ABC is a big part of why they got a 3rd season of the show. in 1967 DC comics rolled out the first comic appearance of Batgirl
As you can see she still had an utility purse but at least she wasn’t in a skirt. Unlike Batwoman and Bat-Girl Babs refused to retire when ordered by condescending male Batman on grounds of her gender. Shortly there after Yvonne Craig brought Batgirl to life on the Batman TV show, the character was so popular she almost got her own spin off TV show (which would have been great)
Sadly Batgirl was not enough to save the Batman TV show and the 3rd season was it’s last. But Batgirl was here to stay, She was a hard working Ph.D head of Gotham City public library, who appeared regularly in comics. She was very much her own crime fighter and a career woman which ruffled some feathers in 1971 DC published an open letter to people who had a problem with an empowered lady hero.
“I’d like to say a few words about the reaction some readers have to Batgirl. These are readers who remember Batwoman and the other Bat-girls from years back … They were there because romance seemed to be needed in Batman’s life. But thanks to the big change and a foresighted editor, these hapless females are gone for good. In their place stands a girl who is a capable crime-fighter, a far cry from Batwoman who constantly had to be rescued [by] Batman.“
In the early 1970s Babs became a Congresswoman (only one term), retired, came back, went on a blind date with Clark Kent and come out as Batgirl to her dad. In 1975 DC started a comic called “Batman Family” which co-stared Batgirl and Robin starting the iconic partnership that would define both characters for years
Batgirl would also partner with Supergirl, she would give the eulogy for Supergirl during Crisis on Infinite Earths. Some things got changed about Babs after Crisis (for example she was Jim’s adopted daughter) Since the early 1980s struggled to find a place for Batgirl, and post-Crisis it got worse. in 1988 Alan Moore wrote The Killing Joke
In which Barbara is shot and crippled by the Joker in an effort to drive Commissioner Gordon insane. The story is still deeply controversial since Babs’ feelings about the attack are not explored in any way and her suffering is only about the emotional impact it has on two male characters (Her father, and Batman). In 2006 Moore apologized calling the story “shallow and ill-conceived” He recounted the react from DC editor Len Wein and Dick Giordano when he asked if it was okay to cripple Barbara. According to Moore they told him “Yeah, okay, cripple the bitch.” a line that has become iconic of comic’s disregard and downright hate of female characters.
While many (male) writers and editors at DC assumed this was the end of the character and she would be retired the husband wife team of DC editor Kim Yale and writer John Ostrander refused to allow this to be the end. Revamping Barbara’s character as the wheelchair using super hacker, and brains of the DC, Oracle
11 years after Killing Joke DC did a major year long cross over event for all Batman books/characters. It was called No Man’s Land, Gotham City suffered a massive earthquake and after years of getting bailed out by the federal government. Gotham is evacuated and closed off from the rest of the US. However the poor, the criminals and a dedicated force of Gotham’s finest refuse to leave the city. Batman is missing at first and the city is protected by a new Batwoman
Batman returns and the two work together for a time till it’s revealed that the new Batgirl/woman is Helena Bertinelli, the Huntress. She took up the Bat mantle to keep hope alive in a battered city and to win approval from Batman who had been against her violent ways. They have a falling out and Bruce demands the suit which Bertinelli gives up.
Meanwhile during No Man’s Land Babs took in a mute girl who they find has extreme fighting skills. This is Cassandra Cain, the daughter of the assassin David Cain. After Bertinelli gives up the Batgirl uniform it’s passed to Cain.
Cain would be the first Batgirl to get her own comic book (Batgirl Volume 1 and Volume 2) She would learn out to talk and read, build friendships with Barbara Gordon and Stephenie Brown as well as other Batfam members, have a brief relationship with Superboy, and prove herself maybe the most skilled fighter in the Batfam (even giving Bruce a run for his money)
Of course all good things must end and DC turned her evil in a really dumb way that I won’t go into, and was hand waved away as “mind control” She bounced around between being and not being Batgirl in the middle 2000s before passing the job on to Stephenie Brown, Cassandra would return as Black Bat, the Batman of Hong Kong, and in DC rebirth as Orphan, now a much less talkative version of herself who seems not to really do full sentences
Then there’s Stephanie Brown. Steph was originally the hero Spoiler. She was the daughter of a D list villain named “Cluemaster” (think a shitty Riddler) and was motivated to spoil his crimes. Despite Batman’s misgivings Tim Drake as Robin (without revealing his identity) helps her and they become friends, partners and boyfriend and girlfriend. She suffers through being kinda a member of the Batfam but not really, Tim girlfriend, an awkward teen pregnancy subplot that was all about Tim’s feelings and not hers. Things got better as Steph became a regular in Cass’s Batgirl. In 2004 there was a story arch where Tim Drake’s father Jack Drake learned he was Robin and forced Tim to retire. As a result Batman took Stephanie on as Robin. DC did what it tends to do to Lady characters and screwed her over. Steph was apparently tortured to death during the War Games crossover event (also the only black member of the Bat stable of characters was also murdered during that event, good times) Many fans reacted very poorly to this, and to he disrespect executive editor Dan DiDio showed in 2007 when he said that “She was never really a Robin”.
In 2008 Steph’s death was revealed to have been faked and she returned to the DCU. In 2009 Cassandra Cain handed over the title and uniform of Batgirl to Steph. Steph would soon rework the outfit to include her iconic Spoiler purple, she’d work closely with Barbara Gordon and was now a College Freshman rather than a high schooler, she dealt with Tim as Red Robin, Daman Wayne, and Dick Grayson’s Batman at different points during her run in Batgirl Volume 3 between 2009 and 2011
in 2011 DC rebooted reality for the New52, despite fan protests like Cassandra Steph was retconned out of reality till DC rebirth where Steph has returned as Spoiler, seemingly once again a high schooler and Tim Drake’s girlfriend
Finally in 2011 DC rebooted everything. In the new reality Barbara Gordon’s paralysis only lasted 3 years. DC has never really managed to clear up the story if she was or wasn’t Oracle, how she got to walk again etc. She’s also depicted as much younger than the past and her relationship with Dick Grayson was erased. This new Barbara has proved controversial with fans, many of who object to removing one of the only handicapped characters from DC. As well as moving Babs from an arguably central role in the DCU and Batfam to more of a side character. Others have struggled with the texting teenager characterization of this Batgirl.
things I initially suggested as a joke but now really love and have accepted into my headcanon:
active camo doesn’t work on Kai. She always knows when Tex is around, and just assumes the others failed their spot checks. Tex will be brooding up on the cliff, doing her badass loner thing and Kai just waves at her.
And in the hypothetical scenario where she’s on Chorus, she ruins Locus’s element of surprise constantly. There is a lot of distress from the mercenaries. How is Locus supposed to nope out of awkward situations of she can see where he’s running to?