where's my drank

the thing is
i loved you the way everyone wants to be loved
and you loved me the same way you felt sorry for me
sorry for leaving
sorry for never calling me back
sorry about the way things ended

the thing is
i’ve spent my whole life learning to forgive
but seventeen years of “it’s okay, i swear it’s fine”
wasn’t enough preparation for the way you were
sorry for leaving, sorry for calling me, sorry for needing to hear my voice it’s just that you couldn’t sleep and sorry for having to hang up because she was there and i was here and sorry for kissing me that day but you just couldn’t help yourself because i looked so pretty

the thing is
i grew up in a house where my father drank himself half to death more often than he said he loved me, so i got good at drinking enough to forget my crumbling family life
but there’s not enough alcohol to keep me from remembering the way you looked at me under that tree or the sound of your laugh or the way you said my name in that coffee shop

—  how does it feel to be the only one who got out in one piece?
Have you drank your respecting Levi juice today???? Cuz Eren did

anonymous asked:

Hi! How are you? I saw the pictures of your previous trip to Japan. They are awesome. I plan to visit Kyoto this April and I would like to ask which Shinsengumi related places are worth the visit? Are there any places where I can buy Hakuouki related things? Last year I watched the whole Hakuouki anime series (all of the seasons, movies, specials) and I became a fan and I would like to visit the places which were mentioned in the anime. As you were there in April was it crowded? Best wishes, Éva

Thank you! I didn’t post nearly enough of them, honestly, I have so much more to talk about because the whole experience was just… completely surreal, but what is time? 

There are books dedicated to touring Japan to visit significant sites relating to the Shinsengumi, including two Hakuouki ones (one of which JUST came out). Of course, the biggest issue is that this information is all in Japanese and that’s something you’re going to come up against if you want to visit these places. You definitely don’t have to understand Japanese (I’ve heard of people managing) but it honestly helps.

My personal trip started in Tokyo, then we went down to Kyoto, back up North to Aizu-Wakamatsu and then onto Hakodate. We really just focused on many of the big spots but there’s just so much to cover, two weeks was never going to be enough, especially as it was my friend’s first time in Japan too so we had other things to do. 

As to the crowds, being hanami (cherry blossom viewing) season Tokyo and Kyoto were crowded, but I feel like that’s always a thing since it’s Japan, but the more you go off the beaten path, and the Shinsengumi sites kind of are off the beaten path, it’s not so bad. Aizu and Hakodate are definitely not as crowded, especially with foreign tourists. My friend and I were definitely standouts.

As far as being able to buy Hakuouki related goods, if it’s related to the Shinsengumi your chances of finding Hakuouki things to buy is high but it really depends on the location. I had the best luck in Kyoto, Aizu, and Hakodate since… they’re kind of big Shinsengumi hot spots, but we didn’t spend a lot of time in Tokyo for me to really go looking for stuff there. (I will say there is a disappointing lack of stuff in the Animates I went to.) I’ll be going back in April and focusing more on the sites in Tokyo so I’ll have to report back on that.

Here’s some of the major highlights of my trip that might be most worth noting:

**Warning: Long post is long! Click the location names for relevant links!**


Hijikata Toshizou Museum

The Hijikata family residence where Hijikata’s family resided during his lifetime has evolved to include a museum. Since the site is still a private residence, the added on museum is only open during certain days of the year. Typically two Sundays each month. Hino is considered part of greater Tokyo, but it’s quite a hike from the city itself. This is one of those places you have to be prepared to go to and spend a good chunk of your day at. The museum is small and you won’t be there long but it’s a wonderful place to go. The family runs it and is very pleasant to visit with. This is also where you would go to see Hijikata’s beloved sword, Izuminokami Kanesada. 


Being that Hino is Hijikata’s hometown, there’s more than just the museum to visit. Just a few minutes journey from the museum is the Sekiden-ji or Sekiden Temple which is one of at least four places, I believe, with a grave for Hijikata. It’s a temple with a cemetery, containing many members of the Hijikata family, so it’s important to be respectful but it’s easy to find the stone marker and the grave itself is nearby. 

Hino also has a big Shinsengumi festival every year in May. One of these days I’m going to go to it. 

It’s good to wander around the city a bit. There’s so many houses with the Hijikata name plate and it’s clear this town is proud of it’s famous historical figure. I’m looking forward to going back and exploring it more on my own to see what I missed last time.

Itabashi - Kondou Isami’s Grave Marker

Itabashi is where Kondou was executed and after the war was over, Nagakura Shinpachi built the grave to memorialize the commander in 1876. Hijikata’s name is also inscribed on the stone pillar. Nearby is also a grave for Shinpachi as well. It’s a straight shot from Itabashi station so it’s not too difficult to find. The grave honestly is a memorial to the entirety of the Shinsengumi, but being that this is where Kondou was executed, it has special significance for that reason.

Other places to visit in Tokyo, that I intend to visit when I go back this year, include: 

Shieikan dojo - There’s nothing much remaining here beyond a stone marker, but this is the origin of the Shinsengumi and worth visiting.
Ryuugen-ji - Kondou’s body was brought here (sans his head) after his execution and buried. 
Imado Shrine - This site is primarily famous for being the birthplace of the manekineko or ‘lucky cats’ but it’s also significant for being the site of the hospital where Okita Souji was supposed to be recovering from tuberculosis. It’s not his grave or where he actually died though.
Sensou-ji - But his grave is close at the famous Sensou-ji, however, it is only open one day a year.
Chofu/Mitaka City - Birthplace of Kondou Isami and many members of the Shinsengumi. 
Kashio Bridge - Former site of the Battle of Koushuu-Katsunuma, the battle the followed the Battle of Toba-Fushimi and Kondou Isami’s last battle before his execution.


Mibudera / Yagi House

One of the sites of the Shinsengumi’s headquarters, these two places are a must see. The nice thing is that once you find one, the other is right down the same road, practically around the corner. You’ll see big “makoto” banners that signify they’re Shinsengumi sites. The Yagi House does do tours but they will not be in English (hopefully you get the nice man with the strong Kansai accent–he’s super nice). After the tour you get to go to the little shop that’s out in front for some tea and a treat as part of paying for a ticket for the tour. There’s a little garden in Mibudera that you pay 100 yen to get into but that’s where all the statues and memorials are that are the highlight. Including this really neat prayer board:

Nishi Honganji

The second headquarters of the Shinsengumi. It’s HUGE and it’s beautiful. Definitely worth a visit. Seriously, my pictures do not do the size of this place justice. It was immense. No wonder the squad wanted to relocate here. 

Ikeda Inn/Hana no Mai Restaurant

Now the site of the Hana no Mai Ikeda Inn branch but there’s a stone marker outside that states that this is the site where the Ikeda Inn used to stand. You need to make reservations but worth it for a good meal and where I drank my way through the Hakuouki Shinsengumi XD

Nijo Castle

Nijo Castle is a good place to visit just because it’s Kyoto and it’s where the Shogun lived when he was being protected by the Shinsengumi. As I recall it’s the site in the Hakuouki game where Kazama and the other demons reveal themselves to Chizuru while the Shinsengumi are guarding the Shogun.

Sanjo Bridge

We weren’t able to make it here, being on a time crunch, but it is near the castle. A site that is also famous to the Shinsengumi and all of Kyoto in general. This is the bridge where the notice was that Sano protected in Hakuouki. It’s also said that there’s a sword wound on one of the pillars on the east side from the Ikeda Inn Incident. 


Our ryokan was here so we got kind of an intimate experience of the area but it’s a nice little area to explore if you have the chance. The infamous red light district, this is where many men, the Shinsengumi included, would go to relax and drink off-duty. The entrance gate is kind of the major tourist attraction but this is where you can find the Sumiya.


This is the ageya famous for being visited frequently by Serizawa Kamo and the location where Hijikata and Kondou got Serizawa drunk before later assassinating him at the Yagi House. It’s also the oldest remaining example of an ageya still in existence. There’s sword marks inside made by Serizawa on the first and second floor. You need to make a reservation to see the second floor but it’s so worth it. We weren’t allowed to take pictures inside (which is pretty typical) but there’s one room that is just covered all over with inlaid mother of pearl and it’s just insane. And they still don’t know how they did it! 

You are allowed to take pictures on the first floor and this is supposedly one of the sword marks from Serizawa:

Our ryokan was literally two houses down from this site and when I realized where we were I might have had an emotional freak out… >_>

There’s soooo many places in Kyoto though, one day I hope to go back and find the others that I know we missed. Fun side-story, one of the things one of my friends wanted to do what do some Shinsengumi cosplay, so he found us a shop that did it and on our last day in Kyoto we dressed up and got to visit the Mibudera in our outfits, it was pretty embarrassing but I’m glad we did it XD

Here, have a picture:

Ironically, it was the one day in our stay that it was RAINING LIKE CRAZY -_-


Tsuruga-jou (Tsuruga Castle) aka Aizu-Wakamatsu Castle

When Saitou talks about defending Aizu, this is the castle at the center of it all. Tsuruga Castle was the home of Lord Matsudaira Katamori, who is the man responsible for sponsoring the Shinsengumi in the first place. He is the man that they feel indebted to and is basically the man they answered to, ultimately, and this is where he and his family resided. And for me, this is where my fascination with this period in history started, so naturally I had to go back. The original castle had been so riddled artillery fire during the Battle of Aizu, that it was demolished by the new government in 1874. The tenshu, the largest tower of the castle, was reconstructed in 1965 and currently houses a museum on the inside. It really is a must-see for anyone interested in the Bakumatsu and the Shinsengumi. 

Iimori-yama (Iimori Hill) / Byakko-tai Memorial

The Byakko-tai was a squadron of young teenage boys from the Aizu domain that fought to defend Tsuruga Castle and the city of Aizu during the Battle of Aizu. They were fighting along with the remnants of the Shinsengumi that stayed behind (such as Saitou), perhaps not directly though under the same banner of Aizu, but tragically, when the boys saw Tsuruga Castle burning they assumed the castle had fallen and each committed ritual suicide on the hill. While the castle would eventually fall, the tragedy is the boys’ death was premature. At the top of a long path of stairs climbing up the side of the hill (mountain? Feels like a mountain lol) is the memorial dedicated to them. This was the site where I really felt my first interest in the Bakumatsu and the Boshin War blossoming, so while not exactly a Shinsengumi site per se, it’s still related history and worth visiting. 



The famous site of the last battle of the Boshin War. Goryoukaku fort is where Hijikata retreats with what remains of the pro-Shogunate forces when they flee to Hokkaido, at the time called Ezo. Now the site is a park that is infamous for it’s gorgeous cherry blossoms. I was sad that unfortunately we were there a little too soon for the cherry blossoms but practically all the trees on the site are cherry blossom trees so when they are in full bloom it is quite a site I’m told. 

The Magistrate’s Office (lower picture) was only recently rebuilt as a museum over the site of the original office and is the location of Hijikata and Chizuru’s infamous kiss in Hakuouki ;) Though in reality it is the last stand of Hijikata and his beleaguered men. Walking through it is rather incredible as much detail was put into the restoration and one of the rare sites that lets you take pictures throughout the interior. They had DVDs for sale that went through the details and the lengths that they went through to reconstruct the Magistrate’s Office and it is beyond fascinating, I purchased a copy and hope to be able to share it some day.

Goryoukaku Tower

Not necessarily a Shinsengumi site historically speaking but if you want a nice aerial view of Goryoukaku Fort this is where you want to go. Also, personally, there’s two wonderful Hijikata statues here that are worth seeing, and a whole blow-by-blow of the Battle of Hakodate that’s really neat and that I have pictures of that I hope to share at some point.

Shomyo-ji (Shomyo Temple) / Memorial Monument for Hijikata Toshizou and the Shinsengumi

Here’s a description taken from the sign on site:

“After joining Enomoto’s army, Toshizo Hijikata (deputy leader of Shinsengumi) was killed in the battle of Hakodate. Opinions are divided regarding the exact location of his burial; Ippongi in Wakamatsu-cho, Tsuruoka-cho, or Eikokubashi in Jujigai. A record taken from the Kongoji Temple in Hino, Hijikata’s hometown in present-day suburban Tokyo, only noted that Hijikata’s memorial monument was erected in Shomyoji Temple in Hakodate. The monument did not survive three fires during the Meiji era, and the present monument was erected in 1973 by volunteers. 

Four others names of Shinsengumi members’, whose tombstones in Shomyoji Temple were destroyed during a typhoon in 1953, were also engraved on the monument.”

Monument Marking the Site of Hijikata’s Death

Located in front of a rather normal office building, this was the end of our pilgrimage, which I’m not a religious person necessarily but the weight of standing here and having come so far, I cried. Finding this was a little difficult but we had managed to get lucky and when I explained to our taxi driver why we were there and what we were doing and he literally drove us to our last two destinations pointing out highlights and patiently waiting for us at each site. It’s really cheesy, I know, but coming here was the pinnacle of a long journey and I really hope I can go back again one day to pay my respects again.

This person’s blog has some great suggestions of things to see in Kyoto relating to the Shinsengumi: 


Of course, as I said earlier, the only downside is that none of it is in English, which is going to be the struggle for anyone really wanting an immersive Shinsengumi or Bakumatsu experience. While you can get around not knowing the language I feel like, honestly, there would be a lot lacking. Especially if you try to venture further North to Aizu or Hakodate, Aizu in particular would be tough for non-Japanese speakers. 

There were so many places to see and since I was not on my own there was just not enough time to hit them all, but these were the major stopping points on our tour along the path of the Shinsengumi. 

so here I am. Sitting in the bedroom I left 3 ½ months ago for summer, saying goodbye to it in May knowing the next time I’d see it I’d be coming back for one more year. here I am…sitting in the bed that held my body when I was crying, laughing, or in a 50-minute heart-felt conversation with my housemates and teammates. here I am back in my room, the one filled with white curtains and beautiful sunlight every morning and every evening. Here I am in this room, the one where I laid on the carpet and cried for three straight hours after getting my heart shattered. Here I am, in this same room where I drank with my friends and had incredibly fun nights on Saturdays surrounded by endless laughter and dressing up in clothes other than for running. this room has seen all the emotions and the walls contain so many memories within them…phone calls with my parents, the work of creating my vision come to life in a room, packing away old photos and putting up new ones. I am proud of this room and I am proud of the girl in it. I am proud of the way she picked herself up off of that carpet when nothing made sense and I am proud of the way she continued to put on her running watch even when running was not kind to her. I am grateful for the way the Universe has allowed things to play out and I believe in the things that will unfold as time passes. I smile at the moments that were so bitter I was wondering if my heart would ever feel whole again. I laugh at the memories that seemed so important just a year ago but now seem so small, just leading me to a place I am today. I feel so much and life goes by fast and it’s crazy

After working this whole week, I got the chance to go out with my friends! Coming home nearly 4 in the morning: sore feet and a little drunk, but it was all worth it. Happy 20th birthday to meeeeeeeeeee 😂

Welcome To The Park (Part 3 of Blue Collar Kind of Love)

Part One Part Two

Summary: Sam invites you to a party. You go, the sex happens, and the next morning things get deep.
Pairing/Characters: Sam/Reader, Dean Winchester, Benny Lafitte, some random brunette you dance with
Word Count: 4954
Warnings: SMUT, implied blowjob, recreational drug use (sheesh, it’s just a little pot), sex on a friggin’ beanbag chair, unsafe safe (wrap those dicks, folks), vaginal sex, a little spanking, dirty talk bc I love writing the stuff, praising, Dean’s a perverted pothead, deep shit at the end bc this excuse for filthy smut needs to have some kind of plot
Author’s Note: Merry Christmas, my little turtle doves! As my gift to you, here’s the next chapter to BCKoL! As always, I hope y’all enjoy it and If you’d like to be added to the tag list for instant updates just shoot me an ask telling me so. Xoxo! -Jay

You awake in a bed that isn’t yours, inside a house that most certainly is not your own. Instead of pristine white sheets, your blanketed by a black and red striped comforter that’s been softened by one too many washes, lying atop navy blue sheets completely nude and a stickiness between your thighs that stands as a reminder of the kind of night you had. You rouse from the bed when the aroma of bacon meets your nose, a lazy, carefree smile tugging at your sleep-swollen lips. You rub at your eyes and attempt to smooth down your bedhead as you guide yourself out of the bedroom, making a quick stop in the bathroom to relieve yourself and clean up a bit before finally venturing into the kitchen.

Keep reading

Just lately I’ve been feeling like I don’t belong
Like the ground’s not mine to walk upon
And I’ve heard that music echo through the house
Where my grandmother drank by herself
And I sat watching a flower as it was withering
I was embarrassed by its honesty
So I’d prefer to be remembered as a smiling face
Not this fucking wreck that’s taken its place
—  No Lies, Just Love - Bright Eyes

It was in the march of the winter
I turned seventeen,
That I bought those pills
I thought I would need.
And I wrote a letter to my family
Said it’s not your fault
And you’ve been good to me
Just lately I’ve been feeling
Like I don’t belong
Like the ground’s not mine to walk upon.
And I’ve heard that music
Echo through the house
Where my grandmother drank
By herself
And I sat watching a flower
As it was withering
I was embarrassed by its honesty
So I’d prefer to be remembered as a smiling face
Not this fucking wreck
That’s taken its place

So please forgive what I have done
No you can’t stay mad at the setting sun
Cause we all get tired, I mean eventually
There is nothing left to do but sleep

But spring came bearing sunlight
Those persuasive rays
So I gave myself a few more days
My salvation it came, quite suddenly
When Justin spoke very plainly
He said “Of course it’s your decision,
But just so you know,
If you decide to leave,
Soon I will follow”

I wrote this for a baby
Who has yet to be born
My brother’s first child
I hope that womb’s not too warm
Cause it’s cold out here
And it’ll be quite a shock
To breathe this air
To discover loss
So I’d like to make some changes
Before you arive
So when your new eyes meet mine
They won’t see no lies
Just love.
Just love.

I will be pure
No, no, I know I will be pure
Like snow, like gold.

—  ‘No Lies Just Love’, Bright Eyes

Dear bones, please stop aching. Please stop shaking when it’s cold at night, it’s making people think I’m crying.
Dear bones, please stop making it look like I’m breaking.
Dear bones, how are you so lonely beneath my skin? How are you so scared, wrapped in all that blood and meat?
Dear bones, you’ve never been safer than you are right now. This knife’s too blunt to cut through the skin, let alone start carving.
Dear bones, I can hear you rattle in the dark as I toss and turn, why are you keeping me awake?
Dear bones, won’t you ever rest?

There’s a crematorium in my chest where my heart burns constantly for the dead. Set fire to the tinder, and my miserable marrow will melt. I’m armed to the teeth with prayers and the taste of bullets, metallic on my tongue, and stinging. Fear curls around my throat like fingers, and I’m choking on emptiness, in the bed where I drank away my youth. And my trigger is ready.

There are cobwebs tangled in my skeleton, dancing to the breeze of my heart. My pulse, my weak pulse. It’s barely beating but it’s big enough to grind me down to dust. I’m a broken machine covered in grime and rust. My poor heart is hidden and so weak in its hurting, it’s so worn down by my wasteful writing and wording. It remembers every victim, it remembers every martyr, it remembers every body hidden behind the curtains.

Dear bones, please stop aching.
Dear bones, won’t you ever rest?

—  giraffevader - “Oh boy, you’re just a bag of bones. Those dear bones.”
All in Good Time / C.H.

Request: Can you do a Calum smut where you guys meet at a music festival and he is flirting with you and you end up back in your room? Sorta like the lyrics of End up here?

Pairing:  Calum x Reader

Warnings: Sexual content

Word Count: 3,355

A/N: I thought about making this to the actual lyrics of End up here but nah, this is better. This is also my first Calum smut, it was so exciting to write xx

When I was 14, my older sister took me to my first ever concert. Like, real concert. It was one of the best moments of my life; when the beat from the bass shot through the ground and my body, when a song ended with a long guitar solo and when the singer brought a fan up on stage.

The few months after that, my sister and a group of her friends managed to sneak me into an 18+ festival where we spent an entire weekend in a tent where they drank (my sister wouldn’t even let me hold a beer) and we all danced our brains out by the different stages.

It’s been a while since then, and now I’m so used to the feeling of belonging to a large group of people loving an artist that I almost feel lost without it. My sister and I have become partners, we always go to these things together.

Keep reading


[Yonghwa ABC]  Q: Quirks

singinghands  asked:

Send me ☕ for a starter where my Muse has drank too much Caffeine.

Emma was visibly trembling with energy, her pupils almost encompassing all of her irises as she tapped her fingers in rapid motion against the table top before suddenly bursting to her feet, “Seth! Seth yeah! Yeah lets go do somethign? You want to go do something I do lets go swimming or something! Or.. something, yeah lets, god I just need to do something right meow!”