where we lay our heads

29.

Kaylin

“So you got people watching that niggas house?” Rashad asked me while we sat in the basement of my house. I decided to turn this whole space into my personal area so that when Ebony starts trippin’ I can block her ass out.

“Yeah, they’re waiting for that nigga to pull up, he’s about to be out of the way.” I shrugged. That nigga Quan was going to get dealt with as soon as possible. I could’ve sat around and let him live but him popping up on Ebony doesn’t sit right with me.

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They say that love is a one way street. Please, before choosing to scroll past this, let me explain. Because there’s magic in believing in something more. You have to believe that you’re worth much, much more. It’s the truth. We fall into our own story book, we became the main characters! And no! We don’t get a happy ending each and every time, but you should always still try and I know some days, you want to give up, shit, I do too… But on my best days, I’m still looking for you– Even if you’re looking else where, my love is true and it’s here for you and I know we live our lives and I know we died several times, but it’s magic and it’s not always meant to make us feel happy, sometimes love is sad, sometimes love is pain– I talked to someone recently and she taught me a lot in one sitting. She said that her husband has Alzheimer’s and no, it’s not like the movies. They don’t always recover like The Notebook. They don’t always love you back like The Notebook. She said she values her vows and she married him because love was there, she loves him, but she isn’t in love with him. She chooses to stay because love is pain. Love is burying the fruits of your hard labors and watching them grow flowers. Love is shedding your skin and feeling anew, but it doesn’t happen in that very way. It’s always different. For all of us. Just because you love someone, it doesn’t mean you’ll love together. She said she’ll be there until the day he dies and you know what? She’s right, in a way, she’s right. Now, everyone’s situation is a little bizarre, that’s understood. It’s there. Our hearts forever dormant wherever we lay our heads. Our words forever written where our fingers point. Our stars forever shining where we smile. You know, it doesn’t end up happy, no you don’t get a second chance every time, so while it’s happening… The only thing you can really do, truly do is to go through with it. She taught me something directly. And it was just a simple question. How would you want someone to love you? And let me tell you. That question has changed me, forever and always.
—  On loving you