where the cool kids go

Vox Machina as parents

Percy: Nerd Dad. Lets his kid “help” in the workshop and then cleans up the mess after they leave. Makes all of his kids toys himself. Kids go through a phase where they are “too cool” for him, but quickly grow out of it. Normally quite fair, polite, and reasonable in his dealings, but no one messes with his kids lest they incur his paternal vengeance.

Keyleth: Overprotective Mom. Insists on holding her child’s hand as they cross the street until they are, like, 17. Tries way too hard to be available for them 24/7. Sometimes has trouble laying down the law, but is too sweet to take advantage of. Lets her child keep every stray animal that they find.

Tiberius: Soccer Dad. Way too proud of child’s accomplishments. Owns a “My little sorcerer is an honor student at Emon Elementary School” bumper sticker. Extremely strict but clueless enough that it balances out. “My child drinking alcohol? Poppycock!” Can sometimes be unreliable at times, but always ready to throw a few fireballs the instant his child needs help. 

Scanlan: Dad Joke Dad. The kind of dad that accidentally embarrasses his child. The kind of dad that embarrasses his child on purpose. The kind of dad who sings songs loudly in public and sings louder when his child complains. Gives awful dating advice that somehow ends up helping anyway. Most likely of all of Vox Machina to actually be a dad.

Grog: Friend Dad. Braids flowers into his daughter’s hair, then teaches her how to wield an axe. Has wrestling matches with his children and lets them win. Not skilled at teaching manners or helping with academics, but knows his weaknesses and will send them for a lecture from Uncle Tiberius if they are bad. Sends them to Pike if they need help with “emotions”. Teaches them about colors, shapes, and shiny things himself.

Pike: Maternal Good. Made of pure mom energy. Makes lunch boxes every morning with little notes that say things like “Have a great day!” and “I love you!” Spoils her children, but doesn’t let them walk all over her. Bakes brownies for the PTA bake sale. Heals boo-boos with the light of Sarenrae. Teaches her children to destroy their enemies with kindness.

Vex: Cool Mom. Lets her kids get away with a lot. Occasionally aids them in their rule breaking. Very lax in her rules except when it come to money. Teaches her kids to shoot and hunt and stealth. Encourages her awesome stealth kids to pull elaborate pranks on their Uncle Vax. All of her children’s friends have awkward crushes on her. 

Vax: True Dad. You will not find a more dadly dad. The dadliest. The omega dad. Vax’ildad. Fun, but not afraid to lay down the law to keep his children on the right path. Encourages his awesome stealth kids to pull elaborate pranks on their Aunt Vex. Would have given his children daggers at age 7 if Vex and Keyleth didn’t stop him.

Trinket: Bear Dad. Is best dad. Very overprotective of his own children as well as Vex’s. Tries to mimic Mama Vex’s parenting. Teaches cubs to roly poly and give massages.

Lockheed: ?????? *dragon sounds*?