where my heart used to be

Self love Wednesdays is such a cute concept I love it but I’m definitely scrubbing it today so here’s a selfie from a night I felt cute!!

I think the thing I love most about myself is my ability to persevere and overcome, my ability to take things one day at a time and work through it. I don’t wanna get too detailed bc that’s not what this is for but I’ve become so much more than the girl I used to be and I’ve been through and endured quite a few bad things but I have managed to somehow become a positive and loving person who works her lil heart out!! Of course I still have bad days where I lay in bed more than I should or indulge my bad coping habits but in the general scheme of things I’ve really come far and I still have so much farther to go and I’m excited to see the person I’ll become 💕


♡ Anonymous: Could I request a scenario with taeyong where you two get in a fight and he says you are turning out exactly like your father (who you hate with a passion cause of a bad past) and you ending up locking yourself in your room and smash things. LOADS of angst if possible, thank youuuuuuu

♡ Genre: ANGST/fluff

♡ Pairing: Taeyong x Reader

♡ Song:  Jung Seung-Hwan - 너였다면

♡ A/N: This is my first time writing a scenario in first person narration so enjoy xx

I took in his frosty glare as my heart pounded against my chest. The air between us settled in heavy and cold. He looked away, the veins along his neck pressing against the skin. His jaw was hard, his face giving away his frustration. 

“So now you can’t even look at me?” I spilled, my words spewing anger and mock. Our eyes locked again. The silence was deafening, for me at least. I tried to decipher what was going on in his head. What did he want. He showed no emotions what so ever, only of that of loath and spite. I wanted to hit him. “Am I so bad to look at that you can’t even say one word to me without turning your eyes away?” My voice was cracking and my knees felt vulnerable. But my pride held my tears back. I wouldn’t let him see how broken I am. 

“You’re acting silly, this is why I don’t want to look at you.” His tone was calm, concealing his dark emotions. The reason behind our conflict was long forgotten replaced by malaise and stiffness. We both stood in the kitchen, my palms sweaty against the smooth marble counter. He had his hands tucked in his pockets. 

“Fine then don’t.” My reply might have cut his last straw as he shifted his stern gaze towards my direction. I wanted him to say something, anything no matter how harsh. 

“You’re acting just like you father. It must run in your family.” The next few moments were a blur. I felt my eyes watering and my heart breaking. My chest hurt as a nauseating feeling settled in my stomach. 

“What did you just say?” I asked, doubting my ability to hear him but my voice challenging him at the same time. 

“I said you’re exactly like your father. The same temperament, the same piercing words.You really did learn a lot from him.” My words were stuck in my throat as he shook his head and looked away. He pushed himself off the counter and turned towards the door when I caught him. My grip was tight around his arms, my knuckles turning white as all my anger rushed into the hold. 

“How dare you,” I whispered, tears spilling out of my eyes. I pushed him back and before I could stop my arms from moving, my palms met his cheeks. He stood there,holding his face, shocked. I strode past him and closed our bedroom door behind me. Vexation boiled through me. Nothing I could do could soothe my impaired heart. I yelled in frustration and kicked at the table that sat beside the dressing table. My face was wet and splotchy and my hair was in a dishevelled mess. I picked up the vase, his favourite vase and sent crashing against the wooden floor. Next was our lamp, followed by other breakable items I had not registered in my mind. I sat on the floor, vivid images haunting my vision. I closed my eyes, resting my head against the wall, my memories taking me back. I could still smell the sickening stench of beer and whiskey always lining the black wooden table in our living room. Him, sitting there with another bottle in his hands. His presence frightened me as I walked upstairs to my safe haven, hoping he wouldn’t notice me. For years I blamed my mom, for leaving. But as I grew older I realised why. 

My head felt like it would explode.  Time ticked by as I stared at the window, the room dark and eerie. It was getting colder but I was too tired to move. I heard a faint sound of footsteps approaching the room. “Y/N,” he said. I closed my eyes, wanting to fade away. “Listen, Y/N, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.” I heard him sit down against the door. “We both were angry. Well I guess you’re still mad at me and you have all reasons to be. I haven’t been paying much attention to you, I have been drinking a lot and I did forget about us. But you can’t blame me. I’ve been so stressed lately, I have no control over my actions.” I didn’t respond but he kept on speaking. “I know what I said hurt you and I’m so sorry Y/N. Please open the door.” He sounded gentle and my heart ached again. I wanted to feel his embrace despite my raging frustration for him. I slowly lifted my weight from the floor and trudged towards the door, opening it slightly. He sat against the wall and smiled when he saw me.

“Y/N,” he said. I looked down, my hair was a mess, I was a mess. He pulled me into a hug. “I’m so sorry.” He buried his head in the crook of my neck, a feeling I wanted to savour for as long as I can.  

All afternoon, sir,
your ambassadors have been turning
into lakes and rivers.
At first they were just clouds, like any other.
Then they swelled and swirled; then they hung very still
then they broke open. This is, I suppose,
just one of the common miracles,
a transformation, not a vision,
not an answer, not a proof, but I put it
there, close against my heart, where the need is, and its serves

the purpose. I go on, soaked through, my hair
slicked back;
like corn, or wheat, shining and useful.

-Mary Oliver, “Clouds”

anonymous asked:

Could you give us any details on future fics you might be writing? I love your work, keep it up! :)

Ah, it makes my heart sing that you’re interested in knowing, honestly! Here’s summaries of all the things I’m currently hoping to write at some point in the future.

Liam/Sara main continuity (aka, ‘All In’ on AO3)
-  the night they hooked up on the couch (the one i’m working on atm!)
- the one where the crew keeps interrupting them when they’re trying to get it on but it’s kind of their own fault because no-one knows for sure that they’re together yet (you can blame @elephantsneedwater​ for this one!)
- liam reflecting on his relationship with sara during the final mission
-  post-game discussions about starting a family (playing with all the lovely themes andromeda gives us on what it means to create a life, tentatively called, priority ops: repopulating heleus, which will probably be multi-chaptered bc you know there needs to be a smutty follow-up about their attempts to have a baby?)
also just some smut about having sex up against the windows in sara’s quarters ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

‘Grounded’ continuity
- Sara talking to Liam after completing ‘Ryder Family Secrets’ and perhaps even connecting some dots 
- I haven’t started planning this one at all beyond vague thoughts but I really loved writing Liam’s parents and want to do some more character studies, so something about them fixing up the car together!

Other things:
- I love Vetra I really do but I kind of thought that Ryder (or well, my Ryder, at least) had more chemistry with Sid and I really just want to write something exploring that

cue Ryder being terrified that Vetra is going to tear her eyeballs out with her talons lmfao

- Should I ever release myself from this Andromeda hellhole, I have vague notes about writing a Ashley/Kaidan fic in a universe where Shepard dies on Virmire
- When I eventually get back to my current Dragon Age run (help), I’ve got a  looong F!Hawke/Alistair fic in the works (my DA otp basically). I really need to replay the games before I can get more work done.

So, um, yeah! I definitely have some ideas that will keep me busy for a while! But as I’ve mentioned, I tend to jump between things all the time, so if there’s anything in particular you’d like to see, drop me a line because I can always use new ideas/brainstorming buddies/etcetera! 

My issue with Mon-El and with Karamel is greater than a ship war. He’s taken over the whole show. Kara isn’t even the lead anymore and he dominates her whole life. As the A.V. Club pointed out, he isn’t as deep a character as the show seems to think so by focusing on him so much, it makes the show weaker.

She no longer has scenes with Alex or with James where she talks heart to heart with them. We never know how she’s feeling anymore. I mean, she used to be best friends with James and now they never talk and we aren’t given any reason why. Even though I think he’s a mature and good human being, I would like to know how he feels about all this. Is he still in love with Kara? Is he waiting for her to come to her senses? Did he fall in love with Winn? WHO KNOWS BECAUSE WE NEVER SEE HIM! I just honestly don’t understand what the writers are doing to their own show.

TAGGED BY: @a–speckled–pelt
TAGGING: @princebete @princessannaofarendelle @demoisellebeauty @ladetstorme @anastcsie @runningracingdancingchasing @elsaofarendelle @femmelieutenant @ whoever wants to do it.

famous first lines of poetry pt. 1: bold the ones that apply to your muse.


I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked // Tyger Tyger, burning bright // I have done it again. // Do not go gentle into that good night. //The sea is calm to-night. // Let us go then, you and I, // April is the cruelest month, //  Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. //  There is a place where the sidewalk ends // I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, // Whose woods these are I think I know // Let us twain walk aside from the rest; // Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, // I taught myself to live simply and wisely // It so happens I am sick of being a man // I wandered lonely as a cloud // Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? // O my Luve is like a red, red rose // O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done; // Out of the night that covers me, // It was many and many a year ago // You may write me down in history // Do not stand at my grave and weep //Some say the world will end in fire / Some say in ice. //Hope is the thing with feathers // The wind was a torrent of darkness among the gusty trees, // No man is an island, //

Remember me when I am gone away, // I met a traveler from an antique land // ‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves // This is thy hour O Soul, // When we wear the mask that grins and lies, // Death be not proud, // And death shall have no dominion. // Laugh, and the world laughs with you; // The art of losing isn’t hard to master; // To see a World in a Grain of Sand // Is there anybody there? said the Traveller // Nobody heard him, the dead man, // That crazed girl improving her music. // Come to me in the silence of the night; // Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high // When you are old and grey and full of sleep, // In Flanders’ fields the poppies blow // I thought of you and how you love this beauty // Life, believe, is not a dream // It may be misery not to sing at all, // If tarry space no limit knows

Come live with me and be my love, // Had we but world enough and time, // My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains my sense // Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art- // Thou still unravish’d bride of quietness // How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. // HEAVEN IS WHAT I CANNOT REACH! // My dear, my dear, I know // In visions of the dark night // Shall I compare thee to a summers day? // Break, break, break // She walks in beauty, // I had a dream, which was not at all a dream. // He clasps the ring with crooked hands.

anonymous asked:

hello, i've just recently found out that i'm actually an empath, and have high possibility to be a clairsentient. i've had a lot of gut feelings revolving around someone from the past and whether he still has any feelings for me or not, and the answers would always be yes. also when it hits me the feeling was unbelievably strong. i've tried meditation as well. i'm truly confused and scared that i would be wrong because honestly i still care for him. i wonder if (c)

you know some ways to learn to trust the intuition or develop my abilities? i’m sorry if this is too long i don’t know where else to go & google can only do so much. thank you

there are fun exercises i used to do a while back! draw a star, a heart, a tree and a flower on individual pieces of paper (you can also do this with numbers, colors, words, whatever works the best for you, i’ve found that shapes do the trick for me)

put the pieces of papers in a way you can only see the white side. now you can either think and try to sense a specific shape and pick up that piece of paper or you can pick up a random paper and try to guess what shape it is!

this is the only “formal” like exercise i can think of at the moment, but psychic exercises can be included daily and they’re fun to do! like you can guess what you’re having for lunch if other people prepare your meals, you can guess what song comes next while you’re listening to music, you can pick up older objects and try to sense something about them (best done if you have persons you can ask questions about the object then to see if you were right) - or you can have some friends help you with this, i used to have a friend and she’d bring old jewelry from her family and me and another friend tried to guess what the person was like that was wearing it, guess how long it takes for the traffic light to change, try to guess who’s calling you before you pick up the phone, grab a handful of rocks and try to guess how many there are before counting them, try to guess who wrote you a message on facebook before you open them, literally anything where you have some space to try to sense what’s going to happen before it does, do it! you can even google random quizzes you know nothing about and try to guess the answers. the shape and quiz exercise will help you fully distinguish if it’s your intuition or your rational mind. 

and i know it sounds boring when i say meditation but meditation is the key to everything!! also work on your chakras and spend more time on your third eye. there are great guided meditations on youtube to help with this.


Moana (2016)

“I delivered us to where we are. I’ve journeyed farther. I am everything I’ve learned and more, still it calls me. And the call isn’t out there at all it’s inside me. It’s like the tide, always falling and rising. I will carry you here in my heart you’ll remind me that come what may, I know the way. I am Moana.


“Or perhaps in Slytherin, you’ll make your real friends, these cunning folks use any means to achieve their ends.”  (listen)

“You might belong in Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart, their daring, nerve, and chivalry, set Gryffindors apart;” (listen)

"Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw, if you’ve a ready mind, where those of wit and learning, will always find their kind;” (listen)

“You might belong in Hufflepuff, where they are just and loyal, those patient Hufflepuffs are true, and unafraid of toil;” (listen)

click to enlarge! 

So all day there was no you. it didn’t hurt and i didn’t miss you and
i didn’t want to call.
but it’s late now, i guess, and it hurts now, i guess, to remember those nights where i knew it was just us. no one else. remember that?
but that changed when you picked her that changed when you kissed her that changed when you started giving her rides to school but i bet if i was drowning you wouldn’t lend me a hand like
are you glad you got out of the poems?
are you glad that’s not really you?
are you glad you’re so dedicated to something now?
like a priest and something holy
something to worship that’s not my body.
so it’s like i’m happy for you it’s just
i’m not. you’re still in my poems. i don’t think you ever left.
—  i lost my handle on the situation but I’ll never call you again– lily rain

Viktuuri Rivals AU: Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches by @kazliin

‘Where do I begin to tell the story of how great a love can be’

Thank you, for murdering us and happy birthday!! ♡ 

so you didn’t get the grade you wanted. so you didn’t get the boy you wanted. so you didn’t get the job you wanted. so what do you do now? well, you think your world is ending but the truth is, you’re gonna wake up tomorrow morning. and maybe that’s what scares you the most: that even when bad things happen, we have to keep living. we don’t get a break. a day where we can sit and sulk. we have more living to do. we have more tests. we have more people to talk to. we have to get out of bed and go to work. but that’s the thing: there’s a whole world in front of us. and it breaks my heart to see people in their early twenties or even younger thinking their world is over because they didn’t get the grade or the boy or the job they wanted. don’t you see? there’s going to be more tests. there’s going to be more boys. there’s going to be more job opportunities. you’re not stuck. you can dig your way out. failure isn’t wrong; it’s inevitable. but we try again, and maybe again, and maybe again, and eventually, we will succeed. and it will be worth it: when you’re graduating college and falling in love with someone who’s right for you and working a job you love. you have so much time to get it right. i mean it. you don’t have to get it right right away. you’re not falling behind. you’re learning. you’re growing. you’re blossoming into the best person you can be. wait for them: the person you can be proud of. they’re coming.

I still miss you but it’s not the same anymore. I won’t call and I refuse to let my hands reach out for you because I have learned the hard way that you are not a place I can rest upon. You were never a safe place for me to reside in and there was nothing sacred about the way you disarmed me if it was only for your convenience. I became soft for you. I lost my fear of stepping out into the open and I did it for you. I never should have. I should have retrieved my heart on the day where all the casualties began to pile up on my side of the battlefield. And even then, in the death of everything good that I used to be, I still found ways to love you. Maybe they weren’t always good. But I did my best. Even from here, years after the soil has forgotten all the blood I spilled there, I am still loving you in the only way I know how- with my hands at my side, a phone call log that doesn’t remember your phone number and a heart that still loves you but has grown too tired to try to make a home amidst your war zone.

I’ve come to a point in my life where “I love you” just doesn’t have the same meaning as it used to before. Sure, you can love me. You can fall in love with my eyes, with the way I tuck my hair behind my ears, with the way the sunshine hits the color of my skin. You can love me in a hundred and one different ways but it wouldn’t mean anything if you don’t choose me. So yes, you could tell me you love me and my heart will skip a beat and I’ll have butterflies in my tummy and I will feel the earth shake on my feet - I will feel so happy, my heart could burst out of my chest… but it simply just won’t be enough anymore.

So this is what I need from you:

Tell me you choose me. When I’m slumped on the floor ridden with guilt and grief from everything that has ever and will ever hurt me - hold me and tell me you choose me. When I’m pushing you away, when my fists are up and the ugliest of things come out from this mouth you proclaim to love - say you choose me anyway. When I’m broken, when you can’t fix me, when no amount of I love you’s in the world can assuage my pain - please, hold my face, shake me a little, say, “look at me, I choose you, okay?”

You can tell me you love me. You can shout it to the world. You can say it to me a million times and it will be what I want to hear. But telling me, “I choose you” - darling, that’s all I will ever need.

—  Tell me you choose me // Genefe Navilon

blue night radio ♡ 170309
translation: u. kim, soompi

(the leaving announcement - longer translation) jonghyun: when i first started hosting this show, i wanted to create a space where people, including myself, could set their hearts at rest, no matter where they were. three years later, this space has grown into a whole world in itself. it taught me about so many things i’ve never experienced, and i’ve also revealed a lot to my listeners. this space allowed us to come together in one place regardless of where we were physically. some people joined us from the other side of the world and at a different time, but we were were still in the same space. physical space had nothing to do with us, and i hope it continues to be that way.

do you know the feeling when you find something you love so much that you’re not sure what you should do to take good care of it? blue night has turned into something like that for me, and now i don’t now what to do. i guess every beginning has an end. i have something to tell everyone today. for various reasons, i will be taking some time away from the physical space of blue night i thought my listeners should be the first ones to know. i will continue to be in the same spiritual space we created.

i apologize. i said i would stay for a long time, but [i had to do this] because of my schedule and health. i’m sure there will be a time when we can share our stories with each other again. as i’ve always said, i have a certain mindset that i set for myself as a radio dj. while i’m away, i will continue thinking about those things and polish myself before i come back. i will definitely come back.

we were never perfect. we let
our insecurities lull us to sleep. we let
ourselves believe that our hardships
will always consume us
and maybe we were right.
some nights, i sit and wonder if
you will ever be mine
in the way i want you to be.
but nights like these, i realize
you are exactly where i need you
to be. you are sitting on the corner
of my heart as if it were a balance beam
and nights like these, i want you to know
that even though we don’t say it anymore,
there is so much love between us
that some nights, it makes me want to explode.
and it’s difficult to accept that with so much love,
we are only friends now
and a part of me believes we don’t deserve this
but another part of me knows it doesn’t matter.
because even if we are never together again,
we will always have each other.
even if we are never together again,
i am lucky i have someone
who never leaves,
even on the nights
i tell them to go.
i am lucky i have you.
i am lucky i love you.
i am lucky you love me.
i am lucky that no matter what changes
in my life, no matter what we go through,
the love we share
will always remain.
—  in any capacity, your love is always enough for me

remember that one interview during mitam promo with grimmy where harry had to use that voice app and it was SO OBVIOUS that everyone in one direction loves and enjoys each other???  what a great interview.  It really warms my heart.  


Gotta make you understand

There’s an actual explanation behind this: I quoted a line from a fic where Viktor suggested this song for Phichit to use in a program as a joke. Then my friend @kiazareni pointed out that this could actually work for Viktor for real. And then there was the realization of just how much this fits with @kazliin ‘s famous fic and I haven’t been the same person ever since, and I’m truly sorry.