where my head is today

Fevers

My head is small
today, the very air
where I live is each way
still.

It’s a long, unkind
sunlight I seep through
Of course there are aches
of course the throat
sleeps dry.

The waiting rises
over me. My lips
snap electric with next
winter’s snow,
oh

Today I am hollowed
over. The body is cracked.

But someday
there will be a breeze
and I will follow it
and taste meltwater on my tongue.

“And if that doesn’t work, we bring back chastity belts!”

Had a guy hand me a 50 for a 10 dollar order and I gave an internal sigh
But when I said “Out of fifty? Okay, I’ll be right back I need a manager to check it.” He gasped and went “OH That’s not my 20 I’m so sorry!”
A wave of relief washed over me. I gave him his 50 and he gave me a 20.
He told me “I don’t know where my head is today, Sorry about that.”

No no. It’s fine, bless u for catching that tbh I only have 5’s and 1’s.

Time Heals All Wounds

What has occurred to me is that we had a death in the family today…a death of an idea, a belief–one that we were led to like sheep to slaughter.  I know there are many, many of you who are not where my head is, but I honestly believe that is what has happened today.  We need time to wrap our heads around this, we need time to feel sad and confused.  We need time to grieve.  


Denial - Noooo!  That did NOT just happen.

Originally posted by cartoonhangover

Anger - WTF??

Originally posted by geekylaugifs

Bargaining - Wait, maybe it is all for PR or privacy

Originally posted by maryjosez

Depression - Wah!   How did we get here?

Originally posted by thevintageloser

Acceptance - You want me to believe you guys are not a couple? OK.  I’ll give you what you want because I just can’t rationalize today any other way.

Originally posted by giphygiff

I’m not angry; I saw it coming and I’ve been preparing myself for a while.  I love all you ladies and I respect your views and feelings about today.  I’m here if anyone needs a hug…

Originally posted by mudkipful

//bloodstained thoughts stretch above your head//

February 14th, 2017

I watched the shadows consume the light as the sun set today, and you popped into my head. I thought about where we were exactly one year ago today, and it was difficult to get you out of my head for the rest of the night. I try not to miss it, although today was harder than usual. It’s hard starting over with someone, and sometimes I feel I will never be that close with someone again. I tell myself it is not the truth.

Love is difficult, but my god it is worth it.

2

      Suddenly, he scoops me up and carries me curled up against his chest to the room down the corridor where earlier today Dr Greene examined me. My head drops against his chest. I am exhausted. I don’t remember ever being this tired. Pulling back the duvet, he lays me down and even more surprisingly, climbs in beside me and holds me close.

      “Sleep now gorgeous girl”, his whsipers, and he kisses my hair.

      And before I can make a facetious comment, I’m asleep. [X]

11 Years

This is about me, totally personal and not SPN so feel free to scroll by if it’s not your thing!

Today I am celebrating eleven years sober.  Eleven fucking years.  I can’t believe this is actually my life.  If you told me twelve years ago that I could go without drinking or using for even a day, I probably would have laughed in your face.

Eleven years without drinking or drugs.  Eleven years of real life with ups and downs, bad days and awesome days without having to escape through alcohol. 

I don’t know why eleven feels so much bigger than ten. Ten is a pretty big sobriety milestone.  Maybe it’s because just in the past few months alone I’ve walked through the most difficult things I’ve ever faced.  And I made it through.  I’ve still got a smile on my face.  I’m still grateful for what I have, even when things suck sometimes.  

So yeah.  Eleven.  That’s where my head is at today.  I’m feeling proud of myself and looking forward to what the future brings.