where is your god now

OKAY FINE LET’S GO BACK HERE. 

Let’s take the trolliest Magician in the entire world and make him a king. WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS. 

WHO LOOKED AT THE MULTIVERSE AND DECIDED “HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE REALLY MISSING HERE? CLOW REED IN CHARGE OF AN ENTIRE COUNTRY. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG.”

No wait, I actually have the perfect reaction for this moment. 

I’M SORRY SAKURA BUT YOU CAN’T ARGUE WITH THE FACTS.

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“Gay Pride Rocks!” - BoA

shakesqueer: a sexual analysis, by mercutio

THE PASSAGE:

More than prince of cats, I can tell you. O, he is
the courageous captain of compliments. He fights as
you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and
proportion; rests me his minim rest, one, two, and
the third in your bosom: the very butcher of a silk
button, a duellist, a duellist; a gentleman of the
very first house, of the first and second cause:
ah, the immortal passado! the punto reverso! the
hai!

THE CONTEXT FOR THE PASSAGE:

mercutio tells benvolio all about juliet’s cousin, tybalt

LINE-BY-LINE ANALYSIS OF THE PASSAGE:

More than prince of cats, I can tell you.

he’s prince of more than cats → cat was slang for vagina  prince of more than just vagina → he fucks dudes

O, he is the courageous captain of compliments.

he is a suave motherfucker

He fights as you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and proportion;

he fights like he fucks – rhythmically, deeply, and good god have you seen his sword

rests me his minim rest, one, two, and the third in your bosom:

he’ll give you a minute to rest after the first two rounds while he fucks your tits

***the existence of tits to fuck lends evidence to mercutio being trans***

the very butcher of a silk button, a duellist, a duellist;

he ruined my goddamn shirt, he’s very rough

a gentleman of the very first house, of the first and second cause:

he’s studied under the masters of his arts (ie, fighting and fucking), so he’s the best at what he does

ah, the immortal passado! the punto reverso! the hai!

passado → a thrust forward

punto reverso → a back-handed stroke

hai → a shout of victory upon winning a match

so the last three lines are either about dueling (stabs one way, then another, then wins)

or about sex (thrusts in, pulls out, yells when he comes)

or both!!

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I am officially accepting this as Victor’s Tragic Backstory™ because what’s more tragic than being seduced off your socks by this cute savage man who just danced you stupid in love  and having him invite you to his house and making a possibly career-ending decision because he asked you to and then having that cute savage man who just danced you stupid in love completely forget about it.

I was looking up things for my Oboe Reeds, and I stumbled upon a Saxophone forum, and the question was “Is there a double reed for Saxophone?”

Those on the forum argued that, no, there wasn’t, and their defense was that the bore size would make the reed ridiculously big.

I wasn’t buying into that, so I looked into it further, and I found this.

I present to you: the Sarrusophone!

Where is your god now?

Do you even double reed?